Pokemon Ultra Moon Playthrough #9: Rainbow Rocket -- The God of Death, The Yang Dragon and The Strongest Pokemon

Welcome back to more Ultra Moon, where we continue our takedown of Team Rainbow Rocket! Last episode, we beat down Maxie of Team Magma, Archie of Team Aqua and Cyrus of Team Galactic.

This time around, I have to find Cyrus' opposite number, and go through a remarkably weirdly simple puzzle of Meowth-eye-beam statues... and face off against Lysandre of Team Flare! He gives me the same button-mashing decision that his weird pasty thug gave me back in XY. Like the other team leaders, Lysandre came from a world where he managed to set off his ultimate weapon, and actually genocide his entire universe with the exception of Team Flare. You crazy holo caster, you.

Lysandre asks me if I'm the chosen one, and tells me to press buttons. I press one that activates the Ultimate Weapon (apparently he brings it over to Alola?) and the only way to reach it is to fight him in battle.

Can I just stop this whole let's play and mention just how badass Lysandre's theme song is? Like, the Team Rocket theme song is badass and all, and I always liked the ORAS epic battle theme song, but Lysandre's battle theme is just so damn boss.

And Lysandre actually beat me. I don't think I've been beaten by an NPC character, like, ever! And a good cause of my loss is that goddamned Mienshao. Oh, a Mienshao? Let me Brave Bird that silly fighting-type... wait, the Mienshao outspeeds? And it U-Turns? Into a Honchkrow? Well, shit, that thing's dark-type, I have to swap out and tank an attack. Okay, here's the Mienshao again... oh, it can Fake Out, too? Well, of course it U-turns again. Basically this game of switching back and forth happens until I murder the Pyroar and the Honchkrow, and the Mienshao falls... and Lysandre sends out a Gyarados.

Yeah, I don't have a Pikachu, but no problem. Kabutops can Rock Slide that bitch and take it out. Wait, [the opposing Gyarados' Gyaradosite is reacting to the Key Stone]?! This certainly surprised me far more than the presence of the legendaries. Oh yeah. Mega Gyarados.

Of course the XY evil team leader is going to abuse mega evolution. Like, I'm not sure why I didn't see it coming. I guess just because it's because mega evolution has been such a non-entity in the seventh generation? Regardless, rock slide does nothing, and the Gyarados murders my Kabutops with a gigantic waterfall that comes off that, what, base-160 physical attack? Well, shit, my party's kind of in a sorry state due to the Mienshao U-turn bullshit. Let's pull  out a Muk, he should resist water and dark type attacks, right? At least I can Z-move the Gyarados and take him out... wait, the Mega Gyarados can Earthquake? Yeah, I'm not living that.

Well, Bewear can Hammer Arm the Mega Gyarados, that'd be super-effective... oh, Mega Gyarados outspeeds my Bewear and waterfall OHKO's it. Of course. I finally pulled out my Decidueye and Sucker Punch, making use of the monstrous mega evolution's humongous attack against itself. One Pokemon left... Yveltal! The God of Death! Come at me, bro.

Yveltal then proceeds to murder everyone in my party. Decidueye could maybe get a Sucker Punch off? No? Laughable damage, as Yveltal unleashes Oblivion Wing (god, that animation is amazing) and one-shots Decidueye. Malamar, maybe you can do something? Oblivion Wing one shot.

Well, it's legendary against legendary. Behold my Necrozma! It's two legendaries in one, and I can transform it into Ultra Necrozma to unleash a massive Power Gem... holy shit, Yveltal just one-shot critical hit'd my Necrozma to the ground with a Shadow Ball.

And I lost!

God damn, Lysandre, I tip my hat to you. You get to unleash the Ultimate Weapon (no it doesn't actually happen). But it's pretty damn amazing. On my second round, I don't make the mistake of dicking around with the Mienshao and just Spirit Shackle it to the ground and murder it, then make short work of the Pyroar and the Honchkrow, and then Mega Gyarados! See, since he's going to mega evolve, I can pre-empt that and have Bewear unleash a fighting-type Z-move and take out... most of the Mega Gyarados's health. Damn, Gyarados is a beast. Mega Gyarados falls, and I don't make the mistake of dicking around with Yveltal. Ultimately Yveltal nearly sweeps my team again, but this time I manage to whittle Yveltal's health down with the strongest moves of each of my team members until Kabutops manages to Rock Slide it to oblivion.

Good show, Lysandre. You're easily the hardest NPC trainer I've fought since... since ever.

Okay, Lusamine's mirror-door opens... and who else to stand there but the father of the year, the insane cult leader, leader of PETA and the man dressed as a walking castle, Ghetsis? Kinda wished that they went for the cooler black-eyeball-cloak design from Black 2/White 2, but eh, this is classic Ghetsis. Ghetsis gives this speech about how he's going to make Giovanni king, and a man who acknowledges power and has his own motivations like Giovanni is going to be easier to control than 'a freak without a human heart' or something like that. Man, poor N.

Ghetsis is just insanely an asshole, yeah? He rants for a bit, then the awesome music just ratchets up and this battle just feels so freaking intense. It's a bit of a shame Ghetsis's party is kind of a pushover, though. Cofagrigus gets one-shotted with a single Spirit Shackle. Bewear, by spamming Hammer Arm, gets to one-shot the stupid-looking Bouffalant, the cool Bisharp and even the mighty Hydreigon. Yeah... there's a reason Fighting-types are super-good to have in Generation V playthrough.

Ghetsis has Reshiram in this one, and... it misses Blue Flare like three times, while Bewear spams Rock Slide and knocks it out. Poor thing. Taken out by a teddy bear. Though I guess you can say Reshiram just doesn't acknowledge Ghetsis's truth and ideals? Hee.

After Lysandre, Ghetsis is a bit of a cakewalk, isn't he?

And then he goes wild, he knocks Lillie aside and threatens her with his hand and tells me to throw my Pokeballs away. Well, he did try to have Kyurem stab the B2/W2 protagonist with ice spears,  so I guess Ghetsis is the most evil out of the team leaders? But the game actually gives me the choice to refuse, because, I dunno. I have Necrozma in my Pokeball -- a bat-god of the moon fused with a strange prism-armour eldritch abomination that have fused together. And Ghetsis has, what? His silly castle cape? I beat your dragon of ideals down, dude.

I did like how Maxie, Archie, Cyrus and Lysandre were introspective and took their defeats in relative stride, but Ghetsis, the jackass, just goes berserk and insane.

And then it's not me who comes to Lillie's rescue, but... COLRESS! Oh shit, he is in this game a lot. We get the anime-esque shot of Colress appearing behind Ghetsis,  then teleporting next to me to save Lillie. Apparently he's behind sending Archie and Maxie to their own universe a while back (and apparently it's Necrozma that caused all the evil leaders to pop back here in Alola) and he has an invisbility device and has been shadowing me all along.

And Ghetsis rants about how Colress sucks... and then Colress, with the most smug-ass grin on his face, talks about how he's doing what he is doing because... "I absolutely loathe you!" Yeah, you tell him, Colress! And then he just straight-up deletes Ghetsis and sends him back, all with the non-chalant 'yep, I made this device in like ten minutes, no problem, you go beat them up'.

Man, Colress just went from 'yeah, that one scientist dude with funky hair' to 'holy shit, dude's a badass' in five minutes.

And now, the final boss. The original bad guy, the leader of the Pokemon mafia, the man who terrorized Kanto and Johto... Giovanni!

And by god, he's awesome-looking. He beat Lusamine, and he tells us his main plans very calmly. He wants an army of Ultra Beasts to conquer all other worlds. And I don't think he's an alternate-universe Giovanni either, he's just... Giovanni. And once more, he gives me an offer to join Team Rainbow Rocket. Which I would do, one hundred percent, if the game allowed me to. "Calm enough to joke", Giovanni? I'm being fucking serious!

And it's nostalgic as all hell, and I know the fight's pretty much just the Viridian gym battle with a Mewtwo stapled onto it, but shit, man, it's still nostalgic and pretty damn awesome. And the music! The music! I thought they were just going to reuse the Rainbow Rocket theme... and then it spins into an intense piece that I don't think is something that I had ever heard before.

And it's a rematch twenty years in the making, because the last time I actually faced off against Giovanni it's in FireRed (because he's only in DLC content in HG/SS). So yeah, bring it on, mafia man!

Giovanni's party is all level 68 and above, which is honestly where all my team is after facing off against Lysandre and the others. His first Pokemon is a Dugtrio? Well, this has got to be a joke. Dugtrio's going to die to my grass-type starter... oh. Sucker Punch. Right. Decidueye goes to the red, thankfully not KO'd, and first blood goes to me.

Nidoqueen is next, and I send out my Malamar, intent on capitalizing on her poison-type's weakness. And, shit, that Nidoqueen can Surf! That's insane. Malamar psycho-cuts the Nidoqueen down... and the next creature up is Rhyperior! Oh, so he evolved his Rhydon. Neat! Bewear one-shots the Rhyperior with a Hammar Arm. His old ace, Nidoking, comes up... and it faces off against Kabutops. Well, Kanto pokemon against Kanto pokemon, right? Kabutops just spams a Choice Banded Aqua Jet, the Nidoking spams Earthquake... and it ended with a mutual death because my Kabutops took out the Nidoking with 5 health remaining, but after dealing the killing blow he gets poison pointed to death.

And then... Mewtwo! The strongest Pokemon! Well, this is going to be exciting. A dark type is logical, right? Mewtwo is pure-psychic, and I have two dark-types still alive. Malamar pops out, and Mewtwo... MEGA EVOLVES INTO MEWTWO Y. That's... I really should have seen that coming.

The absolute strongest Pokemon, with the highest amount of stats among every single Pokemon... yeah. This is going to be a final boss fight worthy to remember. Malamar gets one-shotted by an aura sphere. I send out my Muk, who manages to crunch Mewtwo twice before being taken out with three aura spheres. Muk doesn't manage to take out Mega Mewtwo, but surviving three special attacks from a Mega Mewtwo Y? Respect to you, Muk. Muk manages to reduce Mewtwo's health to a bit less than half. I send out Bewear, who gets Psystrike'd. I'm... not sure why I switched into Bewear. That was dumb.

Well, Deccidueye has red health, so I guess this is time to fight 750+ base stat legendary with one of my own, right? Come at me, Mewtwo! My Necrozma immediately goes into Ultra Necrozma form, ready to unleash a Ultra Necrozma-powered Shadow Ball... but Mega Mewtwo Y outspeeds me and one-shots Necrozma with an ice beam.

Well, clearly no one fucks with Mewtwo!


Deidueye pops out, and I click on Sucker Punch in desperation... and it... actually... kills. Well. That's intense as all hell.

But I won! I beat all the evil team leaders, and it's actually tough enough to be an accomplishment that I can be proud of. Giovanni laughs, promises vengeance, and then teleports away pretty gracefully, noting that we will 'meet again'. Guzma and Colress show up, Lusamine wakes up... and Faba shows up and tries to save his own ass before running away apologizing. Eat shit, Faba. I'm not sure why they still keep him around as an intern at the end, although that is some neat humbling moment.

And as 'Team RR Episode' draws to a close... we get a shot of Giovanni, teleporting away to unleash his evil schemes on another world, apparently still having some teleportation device to move between worlds. That was pretty fucking dope. That was pretty fucking dope indeed. So yeah. Team RR is the most fun I've had in a Pokemon game in a while, and that kind of really helped me get to like Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon a lot more than I think I really should.

So with that, I think it marks the end of my Ultra Moon playthrough. I may add a tenth episode of epilogue if there is any additional Ultra Beast/Ultra Recon Squad material, but I'm just going to go off and go legendary hunting at this point and try to capture all the new Pokemon from Generation VII that I can (I never managed to get that done back in Sun). So yeah, thanks for reading, and thank you, Nintendo, for a pretty badass final stretch of the journey.

Pokemon of the Week #34: Xurkitree

#796: Xurkitree, the Glowing Pokemon

So let's talk about another Ultra Beast! And, well, this time around I wanna talk about Xurkitree. Whose name is perhaps the pinnacle of Pokemon punning. It's a pun of 'circuitry', but it's also like a twisted tree. And it's also weird, so let's have it start with 'X'!

So Xurkitree is one of the Ultra Beasts, a subset of legendary Pokemon that hail from the strange, strange alternate dimension that is Ultra Space. It's space, but also an alternate dimension, which accounts for the very, very bizarre appearances of these particular Pokemon. The Ultra Beasts is one of the biggest plot points of the Pokemon: Sun & Moon main story. Well, Nihilego does, anyway -- the other Ultra Beasts are glorified cameos until the post-game, where they keep invading our world and we got to take them out one by one.

And, well, the Ultra Beasts are meant to be completely bizarre looking. And Xurkitree honestly ranks up there. Like, I think Celesteela is the weirdest-looking motherfucker out of all these weird dudes, but Xurkitree? Jeez. 

Xurkitree's statline isn't particularly exciting, because, well, like most Ultra Beasts, he's a pretty one-trick pony. He's a huge, huge glass cannon, and emphasis on the 'cannon' part. He's got a monstrously high Special Attack stat, standing with a whoopingly massive base 173. To put that in perspective, Arceus (a.k.a. god) has a mere 120 and regular Mewtwo has 154. With all the legendaries and mega evolutions to compare with, Xurkitree sits at number six -- beaten only by Mega Mewtwo Y, attack-forme Deoxys, Primal Kyogre, Mega Rayquaza and Mega Alakazam. If you note, they're all alternate forms, so... yeah. Xurkitree's pretty damn insane.

Sadly, like most Ultra Beasts, Xurkitree's stat total is 570... which is damn high for normal Pokemon, but not that high for legendaries. And being specialized in Special Attack means that Xurkitree sacrifices a lot of other stats -- and that is mostly Defense and Special Defense, both of which Xurkitree only has 71. And with a respectable-but-not-super-impressive 83 speed, it does mean that if faced against other legendary Pokemon, if Xurkitree can't knock the enemy out with that massive 173 Special Attack, he's probably going to get whacked. 

Xurkitree's movepool is also pretty limited, with it mostly learning electric-type moves, being mono-electric-typed... and I suppose as far as Special sweepers go, Electric-type is decent. Xurkitree also naturally learns the Bug-type Signal Beam and the Grass-type Grass Knot, but more times than not he's going to be a one-trick pony. 

But still, at least he's a really weird-looking motherfucker. Just look at him! His 'head', if you could call it that, is a huge spiked ball. And from there five tentacles extend out... each tentacle made up of a cluster of wires held together by...clips? Christmas light bulbs? The 'arms' end up in those copper wires inside the insulator of a wire, and the three legs that just splay out from the moment they leave the head end in like sparkplugs or some shit. It's just a weird, dancing vine creature made entirely out of cables.

And while the official artwork has two tentacles serve as arms and the others as legs, if you played around with Xurkitree in Pokemon Refresh, you know that he's more like an octopus and all five can act as legs if Xurkitree wants to. Most weird is in Pokemon Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon, where we actually get to see Xurkitree's home habitat, and it's called 'Ultra Plant'... where you walk around on what appears to be the tentacles of a giant Xurkitree, and everywhere around you dormant Xurkitrees just jut upwards like a Christmas tree, with the 'head' forming the star and all five limbs spread out like a cone. It's just bizarre, and it really adds to the otherworldly alien abomination feel of this thing. 

And, well, if you don't already know, the base stats and all the levels that Ultra Beasts learn moves are all prime numbers. Which is a really cool little detail that adds to their general weirdness. 

Xurkitree is apparently codenamed 'UB-03 Lighting' (not lightning, mind you) by the International Police and the Aether Foundation. Apparently unleashed upon Alola after Lusamine opened portals to Ultra Space (in US/UM, a Xurkitree fought Hapu), they identified Xurkitree as a creature that can generate power, looks like electrical wiring, can discharge a million volts and when it runs out of power, it can 'stab its legs into the soil to enter a tree-like state as it absorbs electricity from the ground'. In Sun/Moon, two Xurkitrees can be captured as part of the International Police post-game storyline in Lush Jungle or Memorial Hill, and in Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon, you can travel to their home dimension of Ultra Plant and capture a Xurkitree. 

So yeah. At this point in time, the only real source for Ultra Beast lore is the Generation VII games, with neither the manga nor the anime really touching on this yet in any meaningful quality. Still, I do like Xurkitree. Out of the original seven Ultra Beasts, Xurkitree and Celesteela looked the most wrong perhaps because they're patterned after inorganic things while behaving like organic ones, which just doesn't compute quite as well as 'space jellyfish'. I really do think that with Xurkitree, they tried to really make him as weird as possible (and if you have any doubt from static images, go check it out in its writhing, moving form in the game -- also check out its running animation) and while I was a bit iffy on the Ultra Beasts initially, and I'd argue that it's exactly the intent of the designs... I've perhaps warmed up to Xurkitree a fair bit since then.

Pokemon Ultra Moon Playthrough #8: Rainbow Rocket -- Let the Trumpets Sing!

Yeah, I'm definitely enjoying the Rainbow Rocket stuff! And the best part of it has to be the old-school remix of the Generation I Team Rocket Base theme song. God, it's just amazing! The battles with the grunts aren't particularly tough, although they do have Pokemon upwards of level 60, making them exactly on par with my own party, and while the Grunts have like one or two Pokemon each, there are a fuck-ton of grunts!

And Lillie gives this introdump that the castle's kind of like transformed and infected by the Rainbow Rocket technology. Which is just cool! Aether's aesthetics never appealed to me that much. And while Lillie stays behind to heal my Pokemon, well, at least she fought a bit earlier on.

But who else to show up but your boy Guzma? Last entry in my LP for Ultra Moon, I talked about character analysis and how Guzma's development is so well done in the Ultra games compared to base Sun/Moon, and here it's amplified even further. Guzma gives this speech about how while he's just a glorified Alolan thug, there are some things that he will not stand for people messing with -- and Team Rocket messed with one of those things. I'm assuming Lusamine, his mentor/boss? Yeah.  That was a pretty damn badass moment as Guzma strides into the castle, does his whole "the hated boss who beats you down!" spiel, then joins me in a double battle. That's pretty damn cool!

I've always wondered what the stairs in Lusamine's mansion led to and why they were coded into the game if they were blocked with grates. Now we know.

And this wonderful remix of the Team Rocket HQ theme blares throughout the entire journey, and I just am super-duper happy. The first wing on my left has some cool, old-fashioned Team Rocket teleportation floor panels, and a hilarious sequence with a bunch of Team Rocket grunts where they try to block my way with a human- chain. The wing to the right has this very annoying memory game where you have to step on the right sequence of floor panels... and lo and behold, halfway through each room, a grunt interrupts you with a battle! That's actually a pretty cool gimmick that isn't frustrating, but still troll enough to put into the game as something that the evil team would do.

Oh, and we have Electrodes disguised as Pokeballs and that made me so happy. It truly feels like old-school Team Rocket once more, but so much more epic.

And on the far right room... is Maxie! First of the villains for me to beat down! Not Omega Ruby geek Maxie, either, but old-school Generation III Maxie with his weird kimono-esque long-shirted thing. And, something that I didn't quite realize because I skipped all promotional material, Maxie doesn't just come from Hoenn. No, he comes from an alternate universe where he actually managed to capture Groudon, and created the utopia of massive continents that he wished to create. This is the insane, tunnel-vision Maxie from Generation III, and he's a Maxie that won! Well, that's pretty freaking dope.

I made myself a little challenge rule that I'm not allowed to use recovery items when fighting the evil team bosses. Shouldn't actually matter, right? Maxie and Archie are chumps and I've been kicking their tail since 2002.

And when the Hoenn music flares up and I finally engage him in battle, it does feel pretty epic. His Pokemon is pretty high-leveled too, and it's a bit of a shame that, just like Ruby and Omega Ruby, Maxie still leads with a Mightyena and Crobat, none of which are actually any threatening. Bewear punch! Kabutops rock slide! OHKO! Maxie then sends out his signature Pokemon, Camerupt, which gets one-shotted by Kabutops again. His fourth Pokemon, bizarrely, is a... Weezing? Why the fuck is Maxie associated in any way at all with a Weezing? Why not a different fire-type or ground-type? Weezing gets Psycho Cut'd by my Malamar. That's astonishingly easy.

[Maxie is about to send in Groudon. Will you switch your Pokemon?]

Oh. OOOOOOOOOOH.

Well, that changes things. And makes me unbelievably happy. Maxie sends out Groudon, and the Groudon ate the Aqua Jet from my Kabutops before one-shotting it with a one-turn Solarbeam. Well, that's kinda tough! Groudon's just a ground-type, though, and while he has a fuck-ton of stats, my Decidueye outspeeds him and a Leaf Blade will finish it off... oh. Oh. Full Restore. Of course.

Man, this is fun. I manage to take down the Land Continent Pokemon, the lizard that creates land by its mere existence, with a couple more leaf blades from my ghost owl. I love this. Maxie is the first of the Rainbow Rocket leaders to fall, and he congratulates me, saying that I need to press the picture of a volcano behind him, as well as a blue picture. Well, time for a showdown with Archie!

And after a bunch of fallen Rocket thugs later, I face off against Archie... and it's old-school Archie, too. Who is white, and doesn't have all the wetsuit and anchor stuff all about him. Like Maxie, Archie repeats some lines from Generation III about the sea being the cradle of life, and like Maxie, he is from a universe where he managed to capture Kyogre. Let's go!

One thing that kinda makes me sad is the fact that Maxie and Archie's teams are actually pretty similar with each other, so it's a Mightyena and Crobat that fall after each other. Archie's signature Sharpedo also falls quickly to my Pikachu's thunderbolt (no rough skin for you, sharky boy) and he has... a Muk? What is with the Hoenn evil team leaders being given random Kanto poison-types as their fifth Pokemon?

(Also, why not a full party of six? Give Maxie like a Magcargo or Torkoal, and Archie like a Tentacruel or a Walrein or some shit)

And then... Kyogre! Man, Kyogre is majestic. And he brings on the rain. Gotta be easy, right? Thunder gets 100% accuracy in the rain. Pikachu can take out a legendary whale... oh. Barely more than half. Right. Legendary stats. Hydro pump hits, Pikachu faints. No problem, Decidueye can Leaf Blade -- oh, Ice Beam? Fuck. I guess I'll send out someone tanky, like Bewear. Oh, cool, Hammer Arm gets a good chunk of Kyogre's health... and hydro pump knocks out my Bewear. Kabutops can -- oh, Kyogre knows Thunder? I really should've seen that coming, I used Kyogre a lot in Alpha Sapphire. Eventually it's my humble Malamar that manages to tank a hydro pump and psycho cut Kyogre down.

Well, that's difficult. But also fun as all hell! Clearly I need some backup, so I get ready to return back to the PC in Aether Foundation to bring out the big guns (literally -- Lunacrozma is a Lunala and Nercozma fused together, so it's a literal 'big guns').

And then I'm greeted to this. This here.

Guzma physically pushing Team Rocket grunts in their faces while they flail wildly. Well, when Guzma said he's going to make sure nobody gets pass him... he meant it literally.

Archie and Maxie walk out of their respective rooms and, pretty hilariously, they don't actually know that the other is working for Team Rainbow Rocket as well! They're actually about to throw down and battle each other when... some random distortion happens and eats them in a swirl of electricity. Did... did Nihilego eat them? What happened to Archie and Maxie? Regardless, though, that's two out of... six team leaders down, I think, assuming we don't fight a representative from this generation (I won't rule out an alt-universe Guzma or Lusamine).

A second pair of stairs opens, and in true Team Rocket fashion, the grunts Guzma are bullying lets it slip out the plot devices I have to do. A card key and a button, you say? Well.

A quick trip to swap out Pikachu with Luna-Necrozma (who I resolved not to use until it's a desperate moment) and I'm back! I clear out all the rooms, get all the loot and kill all the Electrodes in the Archie and Maxie wings, and then I pick the left side of the second floor stairs. It's a bit of a fun old-school spinny-spinny floor tiles, although it's laughable compared to the complexities of the Generation III floor-spinny tiles. A lot of Team Rainbow Rocket grunts fall (and I appreciate that they exclusively use Generation I Pokemon) and the door stands to my next foe. An 'antisocial freak', huh, random grunt? That actually describes Cyrus pretty well.

I never actually liked Cyrus out of the many, many villainous gym leaders, and while I would've rated Maxie and Archie lower than him in the past, a combination of really great development in the remakes and nostalgia make me love them a lot. Cyrus is just... still insanely obsessed with his new world and lack of spirit and soul and all that bullshit. I mean, Cyrus doesn't really give the game makers that much material to work with, so yeah. Like Archie and Maxie, Cyrus came from an alternate universe where he succeeded in his insane plan to create a new world with no emotions... and instead gets sucked into Alola.

Cyrus's team is pretty much identical to his Platinum-era team, at least. He leads with a Houndoom that falls to my Bewear. Crobat and Honchkrow get rock slided. Weavile gets one-shotted with a hammer arm. Cyrus apparently replaced his Gyarados with the legendary Pokemon, and I thought that it was totally going to be Giratina... but it's... Palkia?

Um... okay? Why Palkia and not Dialga? Hell, fuck that, why not both? I mean, I'm not using Necrozma unless necessary, but most people by this point would have had Necrozma and Lunala/Solgaleo in their party, and have the possibility of getting the Tapus into their party as well. Why not give Cyrus a full party and have both the Time Dinosaur and the Space Godzilla?

Still, Palkia is ten dozen times cooler than Dialga, so at least this is a Cyrus that has great taste. And, well, Palkia's... a powerful dick! He's the god that rules over space, and he doesn't go down easily. Palkia actually gave me a run for my money! He can Surf and Spacial Rend (by god Spacial Rend has a cool animation in this generation), that's not unexpected... but Thunderbolt? Earth Power? Suffice to say, it's a thrilling battle against Palkia. Nearly the entirety of my party gets absolutely slaughtered, and while I didn't have to pull out Necrozma, I did cheese out the win against Palkia by spamming Sucker Punch with Decidueye.

Cyrus gets a bit of a character moment too because my Rotom Pokedex pops up and talks to him, and apparently Cyrus remembers his own Rotom -- I completely forgot that Cyrus has a bit of an expanded backstory where his first Pokemon was a Rotom. It's a neat little detail! I like it.

Shit, it's pretty tough, though, and definitely an epic fight. Cyrus, you have gained some respect from me. I just hope Giovanni, Ghetsis, Lysandre and... do N and the Generation VII evil leaders get in on this? Either way, I just hope they put up as much of a fight as Cyrus did. This is just epic and fun. We'll face off against the rest of the Rainbow Rocket gang in the next part, though!

Pokemon of the Week #33: Wimpod & Golisopod

#767: Wimpod, the Turn Tail Pokemon; #777: Golisopod, the Hard Scale Pokemon

Continuing our Alolan-themed Pokemon of the Week series, I decided on picking one of my favourite Generation VII Pokemon, Golisopod. In my old 'best and worst of Generation VII' article, I listed Golisopod as my all-time favourite Generation VII Pokemon... and honestly? That still doesn't change a lot. There are several strong contenders for that position, like Decidueye, Mimikyu and Ribombee, but shit, Golisopod has an iron-clad grip on my heart.

I've always loved Bug-types and insects in general as a kid, and I was always disappointed that most bug-types are pretty shit in-game. I mean, I did take a jacked-up Butterfree and sweep the Kantonian Elite Four all on her own, and there have been some pretty powerful Bug-types over the years like Scizor, Pinsir and Heracross... but no real powerful bug-types showed up until like Generation V's Volcarona and Genesect. No good bug-types showed up in Generation VI... and then Generation VII gave us so many cool Bug-types! We've got Vikavolt, who is a robot-jet stag beetle, we've got Buzzwole and Pheromosa, a pair of insane eldritch abominations that serve as legendary Pokemon, we've got the insanely cool-looking Araquanid... but one thing captured my eye more than any other, and it's Golisopod. 

A Pokemon that evolves from a weak-looking useless shit into a badass final form has been a recurring theme since Generation I. The original one was, of course, Magikarp -- who can't do anything but Splash, a move that does no damage, and Tackle, the most basic of attacks -- that is even a running joke throughout the game, but it evolves into a mighty psychotic dragon dragon-esque sea serpent, the mighty Gyarados. This trope would be reflected in future generations, with how a weak-looking larval stage that can't do much can evolve into a mighty monster, with Feebas/Milotic and Larvesta/Volcarona being notable ones. 

Generation VII revealed Wimpod as one of the very first Pokemon during the Pokemon reveals, and it's a pretty... weak-looking creature that obviously evolves. All his dex entries note how he's a coward, he dashes off from battle, and his ability is 'Wimp Out', which has it escape if its health decreases below half. He's Bug/Water, which, prior to Generation VII, was a type that only Surskit has (and it sheds that type once it evolves). So yeah, Wimpod is definitely a creature that evolves, and it has absolutely pitiful stats to boot. I mean, what do you expect from a Pokemon whose name is quite literally 'wimp'?

Silverfish

Other dex entries note how he's a scavenger that eats anything, even rotten food... which is pretty true for most real-life isopods. So Wimpod is pretty obviously based on the tiny little sea-borne bugs like Silverfish and Rock Lice, and since both Wimpod and Golisopod draw their name from 'isopod', it's more likely the latter than the former. To go into real-life biology, the insect known as a Silverfish (Lepisma saccharina) is an insect that lives near moist areas. While they don't always live near the water, they do live near moist areas, which earned their whole 'fish' name. And, well, as someone who lives reasonably close to a beach, I can confirm that, just like the Wimpods who scuttle the fuck away when approached, silverfish do the same thing.

"Rock Lice"  isopod

On the other hand, Isopods tend to live mostly in moist and humid areas, although there are several types (like woodlice) that live completely on land. Obviously, being a Bug/Water type found in beaches, Wimpod is based on the aquatic variant, who tend to be either parasites or bottom-feeders. A particularly nasty type of isopod will burrow into a fish's tongue, consume it and replace the fish's tongue. I'm not joking.

So yeah, while Wimpod's based on a real-life bug that might be perhaps a bit more obscure, being based on a cool insect isn't enough to really bother caring about, or more people would be more excited about Wormadam. Enter... Golisopod. I was super duper impressed by the design that went into Golisopod, especially when I evolved mine when he was level 30. And Golisopod is... a monstrous beast. Later on in my old Sun playthrough I discovered that one of the game's main antagonists, Guzma, used a Golisopod as his signature Pokemon, and that's awesome that one of the coolest design in the game is highlighted by one of the main villains.

In a series that has been often decried for 'oh, the newer generations just put eyes and mouths on ice creams and gears and call it a day', it's definitely cool to see a cool, organic monster that's not just a variation of an older design. And Golisopod's actually pretty fucking badass, too! Bug/Water is a very interesting type defensively, only being weak to Rock, Flying and Electric, and as someone who uses Golisopod a lot throughout Pokemon Sun, I can definitely confirm how awesome he is. Add that to the fact that Golisopod has an insanely high base 125 Attack and 140 Defense, and a total stat amount that is exactly the same with fully-evolved starters... he hits like a goddamn truck, and he's awesome. 

Of course, Golisopod has the weakness of having Emergency Exit as his ability, making him less-than-ideal for competitive battling due to the fact that any move that reduces him to less than half his health causes him to immediately swap out without attacking, but shit, he's still pretty cool. He has a lot of great moves, too -- he has the amazing STAB attack of First Impression, which is a base-90 Bug-type STAB version of Fake Out (minus flinch), only usable n the first turn that Golisopod is in the battle. He also has access to great physical attacks like the Bug-type STAB X-Scissor and Leech Life, and Water-type Liquidation, a brand-new physical water attack in this generation. In addition to those, he's got a fuckton of amazing moves in his arsenal. Sucker Punch! Brick Break! Aerial Ace! Shadow Claw! Rock Slide! Poison Jab! Swords Dance! He's just an amazingly versatile monster, and I'm a big fan of him.

B. giganteus

And his design? His design is just a hulking monstrosity that takes inspiration from both isopods and samurai armour. In addition to two gigantic armoured claws, he also has two pairs of smaller bug-legs under his neck, which, if you interact with him in Pokemon Refresh, apparently can retract when he's not fighting -- a cool bit of detail that I really love. Apparently his giant claws allows Golisopod to cleave seawater and air into two, and despite being a fierce fighter, he meditates in caves beneath the sea. 

And Golisopod himself is based on the real-life Giant Isopod. No, real-life giant isopods don't look like hulking samurai kaiju, and are just giant white woodlice that live in the icy depths of the ocean. See, typical isopods are in the size of centimeters, while Wikipedia tells me that the largest of the Bathynomus genus of giant isopods range up to 76 centimeters and weigh 1.7 kilograms... which is pretty damn fucking huge for what's essentially a woodlouse. While Golisopod is obviously far more romanticized, having a humanoid form and samurai-esque armour, it's clear where a good chunk of the design inspiration is from. Yes, it's similar to Kabutops and Armaldo, both of which copy undersea invertebrates (trilobites and Anomalocaris respectively), but Golisopod is the only one whose counterpart is still alive in the oceans right now. And, well, this is really what Pokemon should be -- based on a real-life strange creature, but with its own spin.

Golisopod and Wimpod are awesome, y'all. It's a reflection on one of the world's largest arthropods, and it's a cool design and a powerful fighter in its own right. Definitely a cool Pokemon and one of the best additions from Generation VII. 

One Piece 889 Review: Crazy Mama

One Piece, Chapter 889: An Unknown Mama

The cover story has finally moved to Leo, and apparently almost the entirety of the Tontatta tribe has become pirates. I've never quite cared much for Leo or the Tontatta, and I genuinely cannot recognize anyone in this picture other than Leo and the two Devil Fruit users -- beetle-dude and bee-lady (Kabu and Bian, as the wiki tells me) and I'm sure all the dudes around Leo have names and all, but eh, I don't care enough. We get to see Rebecca and Viola in the background, which is neat... wait, why don't they join the One Piece Grand Fleet too? It's a bit weird.

We start the chapter off with a very cool display as Daifuku unleashes the genie (which is a completely separate entity from him with his own personality, which is... interesting?) and as Daifuku rampages, he accidentally cuts off chunks of his own fleet. That's... really dumb. Meanwhile, Carrot goes around ripping off helms. Brook runs on water and goes off to assist and help secure their escape route, because Brook is fucking awesome. Like, if there's one thing that the Whole Cake Island did right, it's Brook. 

We also get some background about Su Long from Jinbe, and that if not trained properly, apparently the Mink can die in a single night out of exhaustion. Which is cool -- it does give Carrot some limitations (beyond the whole 'full moon' thing) while at the same time making him potentially one of the strongest Straw Hats. And, well, Carrot is slightly tired, but Brook shows up, having made a ship's worth of sailors fall asleep before grabbing Carrot and retreating. 

Meanwhile, Big Mom is calling for Prometheus and Zeus, and we get some information from the children that this is the longest that Big Mom's food rampage has gone unsatiated.... and she enters this awesome form that actually looks pretty fucking awesome for a creepy hag controlling cartoon clouds and swords. She stands atop of Zeus, Prometheus blazes on her hair like a fiery blaze, and she's holding Napoleon as a sword. Also, can I just say how much I appreciate that she's still fat and ugly, just a less cartoonishly-exaggerated version of fat and ugly? It really shows just how awesome the writer is at designing the character that even with slight changes Big Mom looks so different while still keeping every iconic facet of her character the same. Anyway she ends up in front of the Straw Hat ship at the end of the chapter, demanding that they give her the cake. 

Sanji, meanwhile, goes through a bit of a Toriko-esque sequence where he guarantees that the taste of his cake can defeat even Big Mom, and after an argument with Capone, Sanji feeds Capone a spoonfull of cream and he just collapses out of deliciousness. Because manga. I'm pretty sure that Big Mom will end up eating the cake and forgiving them, which would be slightly anti-climactic and predictable, but I dunno -- the whole sequence has been really tense other than the actual resolution, and I can forgive that bit, I think. We'll see.

Pokemon Ultra Moon Playthrough #7: Character Commentary (Also, That Gosh-Darned Team Rocket)

So I beat the Elite Four and the Champion (well, champion aspirant) Hau last episode. And after doing that, as with original Sun/Moon I'm treated to more unskippable dialogue of my mom. It's a lot less obnoxious than I remember it being, though, and I get accosted by the Ultra Recon Squad and Hau who asks me to help them seek out and capture/defeat a bunch of Ultra Beasts running rampant.

Which is cool, because they basically lead me to the closed-off Poni Gauntlet area that'll eventually lead to the Battle Tree if I'm getting my Sun/Moon lore right. And they seem to have taken over Looker and Anabel's role in this game. While I'm slightly disappointed because I kind of always thought that the International Police was a cool concept that never actually did anything significant outside of the Ultra Beast hunting in Sun/Moon, the Ultra Recon Squad certainly works so much better as quest givers for this particular quest. And in increasing Hau's role throughout the Ultra games, we get Hau along with us for the ride as well.

This time around, the target is... a brand-new Ultra Beast, Stakataka! And I can't lie, the name made me giggle when I first saw it. I knew UB-Assembly and UB... er... disco-ball head dude exist because I saw the trailers, but I didn't know their official names. And, well, Stakataka! (Disco-ball is the less-funny but cooler Blancephalon) I capture Stakataka no problem, it's exactly the same as all the UB fetch quests in Sun/Moon, except, y'know, Stakataka is just so dang funny. It's just a wall! With chunks of the wall bricks sliding down and becoming legs! And each brick is an eye! Stakataka is hilarious in Pokemon Refresh, too. It's got what amounts to Shuckle stats and thus I don't really care to put it in my party, but hey.

I also get to bugger off to Mahala Trail, where I first met Lillie and Nebby. And unlike Sun/Moon and a significant improvement to how it happened there, Lillie actually has a proper reason to give Nebby to me instead of training it herself. Lillie apparently knows that Necrozma is suffering because of the lack of light, and for the good of both Lunala and Necrozma, the two of them should be held by the same trainer so Necrozma doesn't suffer. There's the whole 'Nebby needs someone who can help it battle' thing thrown in there too, but at least the other reason is dominant in Lillie's dialogue, and thus it doesn't feel jarring that Lillie wants Nebby to find a battling trainer but at the same time leaves to Kanto to... be... a trainer. Yeah. Anyway, Lunala, like Necrozma, has an insanely low catch rate so I catch Nebby in a Pokeball, and immediately fuse Necrozma and Lunala together.

I assume because it's consensual, I'm not hurting Nebby? But by god, I might un-separate them later on because I just think that the fused Luna-crozma form just looks so dumb.

In battle, though, I can access an 'Ultra Boost' form and turn Luna-crozma into... Ultra Necrozma, with a cool animation of having the armour pieces fly up and assemble before the draconic body of light is formed! That is pretty fucking badass, and I think this is treated as some kind of Mega Evolution, too -- Ultranecrcozmium Z is like a Mega Stone and a Z-Crystal at the same time, and Ultra Necrozma's Z-move is the amazingly over-the-top Light that Burns the Sky.

So yeah, in-between the Stakataka mission, I go around and complete a bunch of side-quests and do a lot of capturing of random Pokemon, evolving random Pokemon and just take the time to enjoy Alola. I am sitting pretty at 91 Totem Stickers and maybe I'll do a more thorough search later on. I do a bunch of the new sidequests like the missing Meowth and the Left Pokeball and go through a bunch of Machamp Shove areas and all that fun jazz. There's a lot of new sidequests in US/UM compared to S/M, which isn't necessary but it's still pretty damn nice that they added these.

So... what's new this time around? I return after the Stakataka mission (which surprisingly is the only UB mission, and I don't get ones to capture Nihilego and the others) and none other than Sophocles shows up... and by god, he's talking about Festival Plaza! I don't care! I literally do not care, and I was already forced into a Festival Plaza tutorial... wait, what? Team Rocket took over Festival Plaza? ...

Well this just became super-awesome. Both the fact that Festival Plaza is finally relevant by virtue of being tied into the Team Rainbow Rocket subplot, and also the fact that, well, Team Rocket fucked up Festival Plaza, and no one else notices because Festival Plaza is shit, yo! Sadly there's some weird bit where I can't use my own Pokemon and had to use a rental one. The choices for me included a Zapdos with a Rain Dance/Thunder moveset and I just zapped Team Rocket Grunts with a motherfucking Zapdos, rocking it like 1995.

And, hell, the Rocket-style makeover of Festival Plaza is cool, and even Sophocles has to admit that. (He really did)


This is just a prologue because it's just a single-battle mission to force me into the Battle Avenue system (did we really need the very strangely shoehorned 'two faceless AI trainers fight alongside you but you still control the Pokemon' bullcrap? Just make it like Battle Factory and make everything full rental) and Sophocles regains the control of the virtual world and ejects Team Rocket out. It's cool! I like it.

And then on the next next day, Mom's Meowth flicked open the TV to show us a piece of news, which shows Lusamine and Wicke talking in a news interview, and then... Team Rocket strikes! The cameraman apparently got punched in the face by Giovanni, but they basically invaded the Aether Foundation! "Pokemon Ultra Moon: Episode RR" has begun, and I have heard so many good things about this postgame storyline. Considering the only real post-game storyline that I actually loved is the Delta Episode from Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire (oh, and, y'know, fucking stapling Kanto onto the Johto games), I'm definitely super-hyped to experience this.

The first part of the Rainbow Rocket storyline has me and Lillie walk up to the now-badass transformed Rocket castle, which looks just so much cooler than the sterile Aether aesthetic. And who else to show up but... Faba! Who apparently sold out Aether Foundation and gave all their technology to Giovanni, only so that he can advance even more? Faba's insane, and a dick, and... in perhaps one of the most unexpected plot twists, Lillie offers to fight with me! Sure, all she has is a big fat Clefairy that Light Screens and Reflects and the odd Moonblast or two, but she actually fights alongside me to rescue Lusamine, and she even fights (and knocks out) a Rocket Grunt off-screen!

I absolutely loved how Faba's line of dialogue is basically "I can't take on the champion alone, but you'll trip him up, Lillie!"

So yeah, Faba's down, and I have... six generation's worth of evil bad guys to fight through!


But that's going to wait until the next part, because I'm going to talk about how the Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon subplot additions work for the characters as compared to Sun/Moon. The plotline is absolutely fine. I have critiqued the Ultra Recon Squad's dialogue and just how much of their dialogue is pointlessly-long foreshadowing without much content within them, but overall I do feel that the whole Necrozma storyline is pretty compelling and worked relatively decently within the shell of the Aether/Skull/Ultra Beast stuff. But there were some things that they did right and some things that they kinda fumbled on, and that's on the handling of some characters.

And here, I'll be talking about the five main characters that get the most change from the storyline. Almost everyone else basically does the same thing or aren't particularly changed (Wicke's still saccharinely nice, Faba's still a twat, Plumeria is still a cool big sister punk)... but let's go through the five main characters: Hau, Gladion, Lillie, Lusamine and Guzma.

Hau first, because I think Hau might be the character that I completely loathed throughout Sun/Moon. He's presented as our rival, but instead of being challenging he was a huge, huge pushover. And more offensively, he just... kinda interrupts me every single step of the way with some 'helpful' dialogue or whatever. In Sun/Moon, he goes through a slight bit of character development of basically deciding to not be a wuss and go with me and Gladion to Aether Foundation and help to fight the Aether grunts, but essentially disappears from the game afterwards.

Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon fixes that a lot. And I do like that they still retained Hau's happy-go-lucky, Malasada-eating personality, because if you change that you won't still be writing Hau, but, oh, Silver or Blue or one of the more hardcore evil rivals. But Hau's very interesting. There's the whole bit where the game actually gave him a far more threatening party, having his party be filled up a bit earlier and replacing his shitty Komala with a far more respectable Tauros and Noivern (that Noivern shows up everywhere too). But more importantly, after the bit of character development and his participation in the Aether battles, Hau doesn't just stop there. After the Aether chapter, Hau basically decides to man up and actually get stronger, because he realizes that being helpless to protect Lillie and the kids in Aether House is something that he cannot live with -- and that helplessness makes his journey not fun. That still retains his whole 'this adventure is fun!' deal while adding a sense of maturity that Hau should really have gotten.

And during Mina's trial (another vast improvement in the game, IMO), you actually meet Hau a couple of times through your journey as he fights his way through the trials and keeps warning us that, hey, he's gonna catch up with us! And the game makes his desire to beat Hala far more prominent, and when you reach Victory Road (oh, another vast improvement to the game) and... I forgot if it was Kukui or Gladion who told me, but when they told me that 'Hau beat Hala!' it's actually feels like a huge 'oh, shit, that happened!' moment.

And so the culmination that it's Hau that ends up being our final battle in the Pokemon League instead of Kukui, where he has truly resolved to man up and be a proper 'rival' character... while all the while never betraying his sunniness... the addition of all these scenes for Hau definitely make him so much more improved as a character. I still don't care about his goofy tutorial bullshit throughout a lot of Melemele and Akala, but Hau has definitely shot up beyond the more boring rivals of Generations III-VI (Hugh aside, because Hugh is awesome) and actually gained a personality. And all with the addition of a couple of scenes.

Gladion is going to be slightly less of a problem to talk about, because his character arc is mainly the same. He's still this cold, mysterious dude who's a member of Team Skull (did that part of his character ever go anywhere, be it in S/M or in the new games?) and seems suspicious, having the mysterious being Type: Null, and later being revealed to be Lusamine's daughter and is all angsty and loner and Sasuke until he decides to trust me and Hau to help him storm Aether Paradise... the problems I have with Gladion's writing, which is how he's initially introduced, is still there, but even with the change in Lusamine's motivations (which I'll get to later) it doesn't really change Gladion's characterization that much. I did like that he actually feels like he gets some closure in his character arc instead of, like Hau, just essentially disappearing into the background after the Aether Paradise arc. It makes far more sense for Gladion to be the one to ride a boat and journey to other regions to better himself and be a better fighter, and his being sent off by Wicke and Lusamine is definitely a pretty neat and effective moment. No real problems with Gladion, although he's always been pretty solid.

Lillie is perhaps another character that I don't really care about that much, even moreso than Hau. Unlike Hau, who at least embodies the whole 'Pokemon is fun!' mentality, Lillie is just... there. She's just so wishy-washy as she tries to work out of her shell of emotional abuse and try to be independent, and her character arc throughout the Aether Paradise where she finally stands up to Lusamine and screams at her, and then changes her hairstyle and clothes to be independent from the influence of Lusamine, and later goes with us to Poni Island and Ultra Space, has always been well-written... but it's mostly underscored by the fact that even in these periods where she bullshits about her "Z-powered form!" she never actually... does anything! We get some cute moments, but I never really felt like the show actually showed her character growth concretely. And, as I mention above, one of the biggest idiosyncrasies in her character development is that so much of her character is devoted around protecting and saving Nebby -- but she then gives Nebby to me without any real reason beyond 'he can be a better trainer that can give you better battles!' and then a couple of scenes later, she decides to... be a trainer? Without the Pokemon she treats as a child? I've always thought that felt jarring.

Here, a lot of Lillie's scenes in confronting her mother in Ultra Space is nixed, with the simple fact that the Nihilego-Lusamine climax being adapted out, which I feel kind of robs Lillie's huge climactic moment of confronting her mother. Or rather, it turns the confrontation in Aether Paradise into the huge 'Lillie stands up against Lusamine' scene, which, as it turns out, works out just fine. Lillie's role in Poni Island is also relatively cut down, so while she is still unsure and determined at the same time, it's not as obnoxiously wishy-washy as it was before, especially as she ends up being one of the voices alongside Hapu to essentially turn the Ultra Recon Squad into allies.

Lillie's role in the climax is still cut out very much, though, with her disappearing after Necrozma sucks Nebby into itself, and that's where I think the Ultra games was a little unfortunate, since Lillie is reduced to, well, Sun/Moon Hau, popping up here and there and reacting throughout cutscenes and the ending credits, but we don't really care. But the two scenes in the post-game really serves her character well. The first, as I described above, is how Nebby is given to us in this game. It's in service of allowing Necrozma to not suffer, and it's not done abruptly either. It's done in a far more emotional place, where I first meet Lillie and Nebby for the first time, instead of randomly after the crisis is over, so it really makes it feel like Lillie has put some thought into this decision alongside Nebby while I was off beating the Elite Four. Which is cool!

And best of all? Lillie's proactiveness when it comes to Aether Foundation being taken over by Team Rainbow Rocket. I'm not 100% sure if Lillie gets more badass things to do after this, but what she did in this confrontation with Faba in front of the Rocket Castle is certainly pretty awesome! Sure, Lillie's Clefairy isn't as badass as Hau's Raichu or Gladion's Type: Null, but the fact that Lillie's first scene in Aether Paradise is challenging a Rocket Grunt and telling me to go (if you go back, the Grunt's on his back, and so far only Gladion's been successful at knocking bad guys on their back), and later actually joins me in fighting Faba, who spends the entire conversation talking Lillie down. So yeah, pretty badass character development. She's not a badass like the other two rivals, but she's definitely served somewhat better in the Ultra games.

Guzma has several huge changes to the character, in that everything after Aether Paradise is different with him. He doesn't freak out in Ultra Space, he doesn't have a weird moment in the post-game where he randomly talks to us all tsundere-like and asks me to battle, and gets admonished by Hala. But here, Guzma gets humbled and tossed out of Necrozma, presumably after a curb-stomp battle. He's in over his head, and after everything is over he decides to disband Team Skull... only for Team Skull to stick around to him nonetheless, again, like Gladion, giving his story an actual closure in the credits as opposed to the bullshit we got in the Sun/Moon credits. The fact that Guzma is damaged (and possibly emotionally abused by his parents) and has a huge, huge inferiority complex and lashes  out onto the world is still around, but the way that he matures is far more sensible in the Ultra games. It's not Hala showing up and telling him to not be a douchebag. It's the fact that, by seeing me and Hau throughout the game, he's finally seen what the Island Challenge is all about, and his short, quiet scene of apology during Mina's trial where he shows up in Aether House and the conversation about companionship with Hau and me is far, far more proper for his character growth and redemption compared to how it was in Sun/Moon, where, after a lifetime of being trapped under the influence of adults (similar to Gladion and Lillie) Guzma's character ends... with one of those adults essentially telling him to properly learn from him. It feels strangely written, and perhaps not bad, but Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon's arc for Guzma is so, so much better. Here's hoping he gets something to do in the RR story.

Where I have glowing things to say about the first four characters, Lusamine is one that... is so ill-served by the Ultra games. So she's an abusive control freak with a saviour complex in Sun/Moon, and easily one of the most unique and, love her or hate her, perhaps one of the most engaging villains in the Pokemon game franchise period. She's openly derisive of her kids, disowns them, abuses Pokemon for power, and talks about 'protecting' what she deems beautiful, but does it in such a twisted way. Oh, and she's the leader of a nominally good protection foundation. And you eventually learn that all her negative emotions are actually amplified a thousandfold thanks to her interactions with Nihilego and Nihilego's toxins, and when you finally go to Ultra Space and smack Nihilego down and free her, she's... confused.

Here, though, the whole Nihilego subplot is completely lifted, with Nihilego's only appearance being in the Aether Paradise when it pops out of the Wormhole, and there appears to be no indication that Nihilego is influencing Lusamine. Yet she still acts abusive, she's still got a basement filled with frozen Pokemon she wants to keep for all eternity, and she's, well, still batshit crazy. Yet after being beaten down by Necrozma, she's just like "run, kids!" and then kind of just passes out. The Ultra Recon Squad do call her out on her insanity, but she never actually... does any repentance on that. She just gets accepted by Lillie and Gladion and the Aether people no problem, and even is respected enough to show up in news reports, despite organizing an army of thugs, freezing Pokemon, opening wormholes and all that jazz. I dunno. Lusamine's character got such a disservice in US/UM, being shown to only be beaten down by Necrozma, and now by Giovanni as a true damsel in distress (instead of a 'we need to save her from her own madness' deal) which I feel is a definitely hugely poor take on her.

So yeah. Have too many words on character analysis. Next up... Rainbow Rocket!

Inhumans S01E08 Review: Disappointment

Inhumans, Season 1, Episode 8: And Finally... Black Bolt

Well, I'm not a huge fan of how the season ended, and honestly I'm so disillusioned with these bunch of characters that I don't think I'll ever watch Inhumans's second season unless someone assures me that it's actually interesting and features characters that are likable. So much of the problem with Inhumans for me is the fact that I just cannot bring myself to like the actual main characters, who feel more like caricatures than actual characters themselves. Yes, the final three episodes end up being somewhat more enjoyable than the dreadful excuse of a series premiere, but even for my relatively low bar of superhero-TV enjoyment... Inhumans is just the absolute lowest rung. I didn't believe any MCU show could be worse than Iron Fist, and Iron Fist at least felt throughout its run like it was actually telling a story about the titular superhero. Inhumans? It's just... there. It's particularly damning that the huge foreshadowing and buildup throughout Agents of SHIELD ended up being multiple orders of magnitude more interesting than the actual Inhumans show. 

So... some of my biggest problems? Turning Maximus into a whiny, generic evil card-carrying villain in the end instead of the tragic extremist he was built up as. Seeing Maximus just go 'nyeh, everyone can die if I'm not king!' is a lot different than the more complex character he was initially built up with. Bald Medusa? That's another huge misstep. Brain-damaged Karnak? Stupid make-friends-with-Earthlings plot? Sticking Black Bolt in a random suit instead of his costume? Black Bolt, in particular, actually has a decent costume compared to the rest of the Inhumans, but he's also the only one that doesn't wear it for the majority of the show. 

Speaking of shitty visual decisions, the climax of this battle between colourful characters (well, dour TV characters based on colourful comic-book characters) ends up taking place with Black Bolt and Maximus pushing each other around in a fucking bunker. I mean, at least we did get the pretty epic scene of Black Bolt's only two spoken words in the series: "Farewell, Brother", as he destroys Maximus's bunker and traps him underneath it, is pretty cool. I'll give them that. 

Except it all ends up having a sour taste in my mouth with the absolute disservice that Maximus's character got. He can't actually be a jealous brother, but he actually sort of engineered the fucking death of his own parents by faking a document to have Black Bolt be thrown into despair and accidentally vaporize their parents... which is honestly just dumb. Again, it reduces Maximus from a character with sympathetic motivations but methods we can't sympathize with into just... a run-of-the-mill psychopath. 

What was the point of Dr. Declan? Like, Henry Ian Cusick is an amazing actor (just watch Lost) and they wasted him by having him deliver shitty dialogue and not at all contribute.

And honestly, considering how well-received adaptations of Marvel properties in the small screen like Daredevil, Punisher, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Agent Carter and Agents of SHIELD are, it's honestly a bit sad that this show ended up being pretty shit. It's just the Black Bolt and Maximus show, with Maximus being ker-aaaazy, Medusa somehow managing to convince everyone that the royal family is looking out for the little people when at best they are the lesser evil. There's a silly game of terrigen crystal hot potato, and Maximus walking around all over the setting and screeching that he needs the Terrigenesis. Oh, and dr. Declan dies thanks to a rampaging Gorgon. 

Karnak manages to get Gorgon back to relative sanity, although he clearly still struggles with being returned from the dead. I think like four characters ask Karnak "WHAT DID YOU DO!" and Karnak has to explain it like four or five times. It's pretty damn dumb. Did Karnak and Gorgon actually matter in the actual climax, though? Not really, beyond getting Gorgon back. Neither Crystal or Triton did jack shit either, or Auran, really matter in the end? 

Oh, and Medusa spends half of the episode arguing with Louise about bringing her to the moon, and failing that, putting her father's pin or whatever the shit on the moon while I was rolling my eyes because their world is fucking ending around them... but eh. I mean, she's kind of helpless because the show kinda fucked her over, so I guess she has nothing much to contribute but to shout at the faceless Atillan sheeple and bury mementos on the moon? Medusa's easily one of the most problematic characters in the show, both in her pretty inconsistent writing, her half-baked story arc and the lack of superpowers. Again, it's one thing to explore a story where a hero is depowered, but if Superman lost his superpowers due to kryptonite before we even know who the fuck Superman is, would I really care? Even movies like Thor where Thor spends the second act depowered set up the extent of Thor's powers by having the first act with him gallivanting and swinging Mjollnir around. 

And the Royal Family's huge, huge problem raised by Auran, Locus and Mordis is never really addressed beyond a shrug and a 'eh, we'll try better, we're the rightful rulers, right?' and we never actually see the point of view of Bronaja or the little people, making all the huge speeches that Medusa and Black Bolt makes ring absolutely fucking hollow since, y'know, we don't actually see that they're actually going to abolish the caste system or whatever. It's definitely a great concept on paper, that our supposed heroes are actually reigning in a near-despotic way. But here? It's mentioned to give credence that some people would support Maximus, but we're not shown the evidence otherwise that Black Bolt's rule isn't actually tyrannical. And considering how dismissive the dude can be at times, I honestly ended up with the feeling that TV!Black Bolt is perhaps as much of a problem to his own society as his crazy brother is, with the only caveat being that he doesn't decide that they should be punished with death on a whim. No, he just enforces a caste system that forces everyone to be chained to their powers and roles.

Oh, and the Inhumans end up teleporting to Earth, and Atillan is destroyed. Do I really care? Not really. Even Atillan's destruction feels hollow due to how little charm the place had -- we saw Asgard in the Thor movies maybe like five, six times over the course of three movies, but I had so much more emotion when it blew up during Thor: Ragnarok, whereas here they had the time to make Atillan memorable, and they didn't. I dunno. The whole show is a huge, piping mess, and unlike most superhero huge-piping-messes, it didn't come with quotable lines or awesome action scenes or well-acted-characters in shit movies the way DCEU movies are. The plotlines are messy, the characterization is messy and it's just so poorly done. It's just a hot turd of badness. If there's going to be one superhero material I tell people to avoid like the plague, it's this show.