Pokemon Top Tens: Best and Worst of Generation VII

It's been out for a couple of months now, but I am relatively slow when it comes to playing through the games, and I still have a fair amount of post-game left to do, but I do know what Pokemon I like, and what Pokemon I don't. This list includes all new Pokemon introduced in Generation VII's Sun and Moon, including Ultra Beasts and Alolan forms. Despite me going on record on complaining that this generation introduced relatively very few new Pokemon (even taking into account Alolan forms and Ultra Beasts) it's still very hard to pick out ten. I actually think this might be the one of the most solid batches of Pokemon since so many -- even filler ones -- look relatively decent.

Without further ado...

#10 Buzzwole

Buzz buzz. 

Some of the Ultra Beasts' designs are very... well, subjective. I do like them for conveying the weird, alien-ness that makes them different from what you expect a Pokemon should look like without going too much into body horror or trying too hard to make like a Shoggoth Pokemon or whatever. But at the same time, a lot of people probably dislike the Ultra Beasts for being overtly complex, or just looking so different, or just plain weird. For one, there's too little of them -- a grand total of eight or nine, depending on whether you consider Necrozma one or not -- but at the same time since they are all basically low-Legendary-tier Pokemon you can't make too many of them or I'll start bitching about '2ManyLegends' again. And to be fair, some, like Xurkitree look just flat-out... wacky. I'm not the biggest fan of Kartana either, and I feel that Kartana could've easily been a regular Pokemon compared to the eldritchness of the design involved in making Celesteela or Necrozma or Guzzlord.

Buzzwole, though? 700+ Pokemon before Generation VII, and we never once had a proper mosquito Pokemon, despite mosquitoes being, like, one of the most omnipresent pests in the world. In the same vein, we never had a proper cockroach Pokemon before Pheromosa either, and boy, that was not what I expected a cockroach Pokemon to look like. I mean, we've got all sorts of insane, obscure animals that came before the mosquito, and it's not like the mosquito is the only common animal to get a Pokemon so late in the franchise -- we didn't get a lion until sixth gen, and we still don't have a dolphin Pokemon. But when you're talking about a mosquito Pokemon, a design like Buzzwole certainly isn't what I'd expect. I mean, it still has all the recognizable traits of a mosquito. A hyper-exaggerated gigantic spear of a blood-sucking proboscis, two beady bug eyes, antennae, six limbs, long tapering wings, the bug-typing...

But, shit, Buzzwole made some GAINS in the gym, putting the likes of Machamp and Mega Swampert to shame. Look at those muscles! Look at those powerful tripod-esque pillars of bug-legs! Look at those pecs and biceps! And they actually went out of their way to make sure that it ties into the mosquito lore because, apparently those muscles double as blood sacs. Like, Buzzwole sucks so much blood from its prey that they have ballooned up parts of his body so much that he looks like he can lift up a tank and just tear it in half with its bare hands. It's even reflected in its lore and its Aether Foundation moniker: UB-02 Absorption. It absorbs the blood of its foes to balloon up its muscle-blood-sacs to make it even more powerful. Forget killing the human population through malaria and dengue fever, Buzzwole's going to destroy the world by flexing. And with a base 139 Attack stat, it certainly has the power to match. It also apparently keeps showing off its body that's speculated to be a way to communicate, and it's absolutely hilarious in Pokemon Refresh.

Bug/Fighting is a pretty cool type combination that previously has only one representation in Pokemon as Heracross, and Buzzwole will always have a special place in my heart due to how utterly awesome he looks in that one in-game cutscene where it fights Tapu Koko like something out of an anime. Man, Pokemon Generations, better get your animation team on this.

#9 Alolan Exeggutor

How to train your dragon.

What? I really like Alolan Exeggutor. I've always dismissed regular Exeggutor as goofy, but thanks to how absolutely nightmare-inducing his original Red/Blue sprite was, he never quite reached joke-level in my head the way, like, Slowbro or Stunfisk would. Grass/Psychic is a unique typing that sadly doesn't give Exeggutor much usage anywhere ever because of how lackluster Exeggutor's stat distribution and movepool was, and it was just so fragile. So many attacks just kill Exeggutor, and while it's not as fragile as, oh, Parasect, it's got way too many weaknesses to really bother raising one, and besides there are better alternatives for both Grass-typing and Psychic-typing. So Exeggutor is relegated to just being a goofy, weird walking coconut tree that everyone remembers for being this absolutely weird evolutionary line where six psychic eggs evolve into a walking coconut tree. Just... take a step back and think about it. It make-a-no sense, and if Exeggutor would be released in, like, any other generation other than the first, everyone will be crying foul.

And then come Alolan Exeggutor, and, holy shit, they took 'coconut tree' and ran along with it, basically stretching Exeggutor's non-existent neck so much that it's easily the tallest of all Pokemon that's not a huge serpent like Steelix or Rayquaza. And it still retains its four doofy-ass faces, even stretched up tall to be the thinnest, jolliest, most derpy-faced coconut tree you'll ever find anywhere in the world. And it gains a tail with a face with the weirdest expression ever, and it just adds to the whole hilarity. Oh, and guess what? Alolan Exeggutor is a Grass/Dragon. Yeah, Charizard, suck it! Like, there are justifications that it's based on the dragon tree, but who the fuck cares? It's hilarious, and as someone who likes to bitch about Pokemon typings not making sense, Alolan Exeggutor is probably one of the few I'll make an exception for. Suddenly it's no longer just a joke with the most weaknesses in the game, but actually a pretty powerful typing. Sure, its stats still leave something to be desired -- and while Alolan Exeggutor has a slightly better distribution than regular Exeggutor, it's still pretty lackluster compared to most other Pokemon, and it's certainly nowhere close to competing with its fellow Grass/Dragon, Mega Sceptile. But, shit, it's such a shame that Alolan Exeggutor's movepool is so geared towards the Physical, with cool shit like Dragon Hammer, Wood Hammer and Seed Bomb, whereas its statline still leans somewhat towards being a special attacker.

But honestly, you don't pick Alolan Exeggutor up to be competitive. You pick this doofy-ass motherfucker up to muck around with the goofiest-looking Pokemon ever, and this, I think, is what making a Pokemon goofy and funny should be, not the piss-poor attempt that they tried with Dugtrio. "Lets give it three wigs and call it a day!" I really like Exeggutor, and honestly I wished that Alolan Exeggutor has gotten more of a representation in Alola instead of being mostly confined to Exeggutor Island as a quick side-quest near the end of the game.

#8 Wishiwashi

We are Harbinger of your destruction.

Wishiwashi, to be honest, wasn't a Pokemon I really cared that much about, but mostly because I didn't really understand how it worked. Originally I thought this little weird sardine-fish would transform into its majestic school-form when its HP reaches a low enough threshold, just like how Zen Darmanitan or Pokemon with Blaze/Overgrow/Torrent would activate their ability when they're in a pinch. But apparently it enters battle in its majestic school form, and holy shit, school-form Wishiwashi is no fucking joke. It's got 140 as both its Attack and Special Attack, as well as 130 and 135 as its physical and special Defenses respectively. To put it into perspective, it outclasses the physical attack of noted powerhouse pseudo-legendaries Salamence and Metagross (135 for both of them), as well as absolutely trouncing them in the other stats -- Salamence doesn't even hit three digits for its defenses, and neither do Metagross with its special stats. Hell, Wishiwashi even outclasses some Mega Evolutions and Legendaries with its stat distribution -- Wishiwashi outclasses the physical attack of cover legendary Solgaleo, as well as the special attack of cover legendary Lunala.

Hell, to put into perspective -- "God" Arceus has flat 120 on all its stats, and while Arceus wins out in base stat total, Wishiwashi actually outclasses the Pokemon god himself if we're just comparing the attack and defense stats.

Of course, Wishiwashi only stays in its school form until you whittle it down to like one third of its health, and then its backup disappears and only a single sardine is left. And non-schooling Wishiwashi? Has the absolute lowest base stat total in the game, a good five points lower than previous record-holder Sunkern, and 25 points lower than even things like Magikarp, Caterpie and Wurmple.

It's a very interesting design, though, and a unique take on making it a variant of Magikarp -- a common, weak-ass fish Pokemon that, if leveled up to the 20-ish levels, suddenly transform into such a powerhouse in your team. School!Wishiwashi is a lot more powerful than Gyarados, but with the caveat that its power is temporary instead of a permanent evolution like Gyarados. And the idea of a school of fish banding together is a very cool adaptation of something that's omni-present in the actual seas with many 'prey' species of fish, and besides, Schooling Wishiwashi might be one of the coolest water-type Pokemon to exist in the franchise. Just look at it! It's just a monstrous legion made up of smaller fishes working as a single entity, and it's at the same time a monstrous fish with shades of being based off a submarine. It's a very, very interesting concept and easily one of my favourite temporary super-forms with a very cool, sensible lore built into it.

#7 Solgaleo

Remember, Simba. REMEMBER.

Hey, I like Solgaleo. That's why I picked Sun over Moon. No disrespect to Lunala, who I still think is a pretty cool design (even if it's only really impressive when you see her 3D model), but man, Solgaleo just looks majestic as fuck. Psychic/Steel is a bit of a weird typing, and since Metagross and Jirachi has both had it, it's a bit weird that such a sun-based Pokemon would have that typing. I know there's something going on with the alchemy and the symbol of a lion eating the sun, and that the cores of stars are molten metal, and all that... but still, there's a part of my brain that screams 'FIRE TYPE!' whenever I see Solgaleo before I correct myself. No big loss, mind you, because Psychic-Steel is still a very cool typing. Solgaleo looks absolutely awesome in the 3D models in the game, especially in the opening cutscene, and I don't think the official Sugimori art actually does it justice -- a complaint I have with some of the Pokemon in the sixth and seventh generation where the actual official artwork makes it look nowhere as cool or impressive as its in-game 3D model.

But Solgaleo is just a cool Legendary. I tend to gravitate to the less-obviously-heroic legendaries in most generations, with Ho-Oh being the only choice where I picked the more heroic, fiery Legendary. In Generation III, I played Sapphire with Kyogre, the more chill and less fiery one. Generation IV I played Platinum and its obviously-evil Giratina, Generation V I played the darker, more brute-looking White with Zekrom, Generation VI saw me picking the obviously-evil-death-god Yveltal... and honestly, going by that trend I really should've picked Lunala. But I didn't. I picked Solgaleo. Because, shit, what a cool-looking lion god. Go away, Pyroar, this is how lions are meant to look.

It's just an awesome Legendary. I actually haven't done way too much with my Solgaleo but Sunsteel Strike a bunch of unfortunate hikers, but still, it looks awesome. I don't actually have much to say about Solgaleo other than just the fact that, shit, I really like it a lot simply by virtue of its design.

#6 Ribombee
Let's be honest here, when I saw Cutiefly for the first time, I dismissed it as being cute with a unique typing but ultimately just throwaway. And while Ribombee is more pixie-esque and less of a buzzing gnat than Cutiefly, it's still a throwaway Pokemon. Like, look at all these cool things I could've had instead! Lycanroc! Ice-Steel Sandslash! Tapu Koko! Vikavolt! Salandit! Wishiwashi! Who the fuck cares about a little buzzy bug fairy thing who looks weak as all get-out? I mean, it's obviously meant to just be a filler, and no one's ever going to use it as a permanent member of their party...

Oh. Right. I did.

Tatl Tael.

Honestly, there was no version of things where I saw the newly-revealed Pokemon and thought that, yep, Ribombee deserves a spot on my team. No. Not with so many cool shit in the game. I'm not the biggest fan of the more cutesy Pokemon, preferring my squad to be made up of cool or weird looking monsters. Like, Zoroarks and Aegislashes and Giratinas and Rayquazas and Pinsirs and Haxoruses and Aerodactyls and Venusaurs and Swamperts and Tyranitars are where it's at, not a freaking little tiny pixie dust thing.

Well, it turns out that Ribombee is not only one of the most awesome fighters in my team, she's also the third longest-lasting member of the party. No, she's not especially powerful. She's fast, she's got pretty decent Special Attack, but absolutely shit in anything else. I consider it a good day if my Ribombee can tank a neutral move without going into the red, and anything borderline super-effective and Ribombee's basically resigned to being knocked out. But when she's not up against Flying, Steel, Rock or Poison? Then Ribombee is a freaking monster. I've gone on record to have taken down the Generation I and II Elite Fours with naught but a single jacked-up Butterfree, and while it's a long time ago... Ribombee feels me with the same joy. Anyone can sweep entire armies of trainers with a Tyranitar or a Kommo-o. I'm cheering for my little bug to just flit into the battlefield and suddenl prove herself to be the monstrous dragonslayer that she was born to be. Like, all she really has are her STAB Bug and Fairy type moves, plus Energy Ball and Psychic for Grass- and Psychic- type coverage. But she just absolutely murders everything in her path that isn't super-effective against her.

And honestly, I think one of the closest bonds you develop is when you don't even expect to like a Pokemon at all, and it's why I don't like to be one of those guys who pick out their six Pokemon before the start of the game. It's the same journey of discovery I felt when I first bonded with my Butterfree in Generation I, or my Gardevoir in Generation III, or Crobat, Togekiss and Espeon in Generation IV. Cutiefly just somehow stayed on my team when I'm just rotating things in and out to check out who's got staying power, simply because I wanted a mostly Gen-VII team, and against all odds, it proved itself to be so useful. There were times when she could've been replaced, especially when more powerful Bug-type (Golisopod) and Fairy-type (Mimikyu) options presented itself... but by then, Ribombee has became a little buddy. And look at it! It's cute. From its weird scarf to its adorable bug-eyes, to its little spindly stick-limbs and its cute butterfly wings, I really like Ribombee. Apparently more than I do Solgaleo. If you told me three months ago that Ribombee would be in my top ten favourite Gen VII Pokemon, I would've called you an utter dumbass. As it is, though, I love my little fairy bug. What a cutie.

#5 Mimikyu

Love me.

Mimikyu is a Pokemon you either love to bits, or is very indifferent to. Considering its high position in my top ten list, it doesn't take a genius to guess which category I belong in. Depending on which official source you read, Mimikyu's either a sad little lonely ghost that just wants to be popular, and wears a rag-puppet to mimic the popular Pikachu so people will love it... or it's a horrifying eldritch abomination with a psychotic jealous streak that can kill you if you ever peek into its true form underneath the rag. I'd like to think that both interpretations are true, but either way... I still like Mimikyu. After five generations of pika-clone after pika-clone, it's refreshing to get something that's actually a deconstruction of the little recurring element. Generation VII's resident pika-clone is the very underwhelming Togedemaru, who tries its best to be unique but is probably my least favourite of the pika-clones in general.

Mimikyu? I do love how it's a bit of a meta reference to Pokemon's mega-booming popularity 20 years ago when the franchise and Pokemania is at its peak, but the fact that this lonely little ghost just wants a friend, which is why it makes a crudely-drawn rag and carries a thunderbolt-shaped log to try and be like Pikachu... the crayon-drawn face is both adorable and yet creepy at the same time -- there's just something about bad children's drawings that's just unsettling. The true body of Mimikyu is the two little eyes on the fake Pikachu's body, and the little black shadowy thing that seeps out. And when Mimikyu actually does attack (it's a mainly physical battler, yet another contrast to the specially-inclined Pikachu), shit, a huge shadowy claw that would make Sableye and Haunter envious just snakes out of underneath the rags.

Ghost/Fairy is also a very unique typing with very weird resistances and effectiveness that's just fun to muck around with, and it's definitely the most appropriate typing for the lonely little Mimikyu. I do like how its movepool is extremely diverse, and while you'll be wanting to run physical Ghost and Fairy moves on it, as well as Wood Hammer (hilarious, since he actually carries a little wood stick), I do find that it's a bit hilarious that Mimikyu can actually mimic a Pikachu's moveset by learning things like Thunderbolt and Thunder. Its 'Disguise' ability is a lot more useful than I give it credit for, as a free Substitute... is actually quite decent, allowing Mimikyu to gauge how hard it can hit an enemy while you being absolutely sure that it's protected from at least one strike.

Mimikyu's also quite adorable in Pokemon Refresh, having the most adorable fake-head shake animation when it's happy, and it just loves the attention, with the posibility of it actually high-five-ing you with its shadowy demonic claw. Comparing Mimikyu to my other party members, I think it's got the most animations second only to my starter.

Mimikyu's creepy ghost-side is also exemplified very well in its media, though. I don't watch a lot of the new anime, but the Mimikyu there is creepy as all hell, and apparently has a death-grudge against Pikachu. Very appropriate! And the Totem Mimikyu that's a boss in the Sun and Moon game actually is one of the creepier encounters in the game, with you fighting it in the abandoned megamart with all sorts of (Gengar-caused) poltergeist activity, a very disturbing soundtrack, an encounter in the back room (which disappears in all subsequent visits) and a very creepy stalker shrine with Mimikyu being one of the few non-legendary Pokemon to speak in the game with a creepy "SEEEE MEEEEE?"

#4 Lycanroc

WHOSSA GOOD DOGGIE

I am a dog person. So the introduction of a brand-new dog type into the game excites me, especially when it's actually my kind of a more lupine-esque dog. Houndoom is cool, Stoutland is cool, but Lycanroc is just so much of an awesome-looking wolf. My Lycanroc of choice is the more animalistic Midday form, though that's no discredit to the equally awesome-looking werewolf that's the Midnight form. It's just a bit of a tiny ordeal to actually get a Rockruff in Ten Carat Hill because the encounter rate is so low, but Rockruff is adorable, is surprisingly well thought-out considering the lore surrounding dog puppies and rocks in Hawaii... and it evolves into Lycanroc. I find it odd that the evolution is actually game-exclusive instead of a simple day/night cycle, especially since apparently in both games you can catch the other variant of Lycanroc in the wild, and I suspect that in future generations Rockruff will just evolve depending on the time of the day. But I can't lie, the desire to own a Midday Form Lycanroc is one of the main reasons why I picked Sun over Moon. Again, not that the werewolf midnight form is horrible, oh no. It's just a chunkier, more metal and more crazy-looking version of Zoroark or Lucario, and the bestial pose that it has just looks great... but I just like my rock wolf to be, well, lupine.

And Midday Lycanroc is just a wolf with a mane with stones sticking out of it. It's not quite a majestic a mane as Solgaleo's or Pyroar's, but, y'know, Lycanroc is a wolf and not a lion. It's a rock wolf, which is interesting, and I do love how the design went for something relatively simple, embodying the wolf part and giving him some rocky design nods, but doesn't go overboard with adding spikes like poor Mega-Aerodactyl. The Midday and Midnight forms actually have a fair bit of differences. The Midday form is lightning-fast (by Gen VII standards, anyway) but is frail as all hell, which is a problem I face when using Lycanroc. The Midnight form is bulkier -- though not exactly a tank -- but sacrifices some speed. Their movesets are also slightly different, with midday Lycanroc getting the priority STAB Accelerock, while midnight Lycanroc getting Counter. Their abilities are also slightly different.

I think it's a pretty cool evolution line, all in all. I've missed the branching evolution which we don't exactly have ever since, shit, Wormadam? I don't think we've had a proper branching evolution, Eeveelutions aside, since Wormadam, and while both Wormadam and Lycanroc are both just ultimately different forms and not different Pokemon like Flareon and Leafeon or Poliwrath and Politoed, the variant of Lycanroc chosen is permanent and there are differences to the two Lycanroc variants. I really like this!

Lycanroc in-game is slightly too frail to really work well competitively, and its movepool is way too narrow, with only Rock, Dark and the odd Fighting type move or two in its arsenal, but I don't care. I love my doggy, whether he's competitively viable or not.

#3 Decidueye

You have failed this city.

My starter ranks pretty high up on this list, and bizarrely, it's actually easily one of the worst starters in the game -- not just the generation -- if we're just going by stats. It's well balanced, meaning that it's average or below-average in both defenses and offences. It's not bulky enough to be a tank, it's not fast enough to sweep, it's not strong enough to take down enemies with one shot. It's not a bad Pokemon, but it's hard-pressed why you would want to pick him compared to other options. Out of the three starters, Decidueye is the one that doesn't really look that much appealing competitively. Primarina is a decent special tank/sweeper, Incineroar is as slow as a snail but hits like a brick. Decidueye... neither slow nor fast, neither weak nor powerful, neither fragile nor bulky. Which means finding a good niche for him competitively is a bit hard.

I still picked him anyway, because, well, fuck stats, I guess. I want the cool ghost archer owl, and while I think Decidueye could've gone through a revision or two, seeing the dude in-game really blew away any reservations that this dude is the best out of the three final stage evolutions for Generation VII. Admittedly that's not quite that high a bar to clear, but Decidueye is such a fun and weird and cool design that blends so many concepts together yet still works as a cohesive whole. There's the owl part, of course, which is adorable since owls are one of my favourite birds. There's the Robin Hood/Green Arrow archer thing going on with his green leaf-feather thing shaped like a hood, plus his vine-things on his chest double as a bow from where Decidueye shoots his feather arrows. "Deciduous" is also a term referring to dying trees in autumn, highlighted by Decidueye using some orange autumnal leaves as part of his getup, and dying trees are as close you can get to an actual ghostly plant.

Decidueye transforming from a Grass/Flying when he's a Rowlet and Dartrix into a Grass/Ghost is absolutely surprising, though. I wished they had given Decidueye a hidden ability that's more impressive than Long Reach, something that stimulates being a triple-typed Pokemon in a way similar to Dhelmise... but hey, Grass/Ghost is so much cooler. We've had Trevenant and Gourgeist before, and the two of them are also pretty cool, but the amount of thought put into Decidueye's ghost typing is insanely complicated, because Decidueye is based on the stilt owl -- a species of long-legged owl native to Hawaii that's now extinct, but also the pueo owl, which is a form of Aumakua in Hawaiian culture, which are like these guardian spirits. There's even a folk story in Hawaiian culture of an owl Aumakua who recruits a young boy archer to trap a rat Aumakua, which seems to coincide with Decidueye's archer owl ghost bit very well.

All of that came later, though, and I knew about this way long after I decided that Rowlet is going to be my starter. I wasn't sure about the look of Decidueye when the leaks came out, but showing off Spirit Shackle in that trailer? That very cool animation of Decidueye pulling his bow and launching an arrow, which whizzes past his enemy before looping around and stabbing down onto the enemy's shadow, damaging them and pinning them in place so they can't escape? Holy shit, that's ten levels of cool. It's very anime-esque, but damn, Spirit Shackle just looks so much cooler than just a spinning lariat or singing and summoning water.

Anyway, tl;dr, I do love my starter. He might not be the best thing competitively but I still love him.

#2 Vikavolt 

BEAST WARS

Vikavolt is the coolest regional bug ever. Like, we tend to get butterflies and moths, and the odd bee or centipede as the early-game bugs. And I love Bug-types! But Vikavolt is just... so... awesome. Just look at its design! It's an electric stag beetle with a huge sideways-facing robot-chomper mouth, cool wings resembling some kind of a space jet, and its antler-horn-jaws are arrayed to resemble like a space railgun or something. It's such a cool, sleek design and the blue/yellow colour just works so well with it, and it just looks so... so awesome. Being Bug/Electric, while not entirely a new concept (Galvantula says hi!) Vikavolt looks so refreshingly and awesomely unique, with an array of powerful Electric moves with which it can absolutely wreck the enemy with its powerful base 145 Special Attack.

It's just a shame that I didn't end up using Vikavolt too much, because Vikavolt evolves from its cocoon form, Charjabug, on a specific location, the way Magneton or Nosepass do in previous generations. The problem? That specific location is located in the final island, easily one of the final areas you'll reach in the game. So you're either stuck carrying a cocoon that's kind of useless for your entire journey, or you pull out an underleveled Vikavolt when you're already attached to your six-man party. And unlike Magneton, Charjabug... isn't a very good battler.

Mind you, Vikavolt still looks awesome, and I still love him despite me bitching about him. It's a very sleek and cool-looking design, with so much going on for him that easily elevates him even beyond Butterfree as my favourite Bug-type Pokemon by pure visuals alone. Just look at this thing! It's fucking awesome.

Honourable mentions:

• Alolan Sandslash & Ninetales: I wasn't sure initially that randomly assigning different typings to older Pokemon is a good idea. I mean, Exeggutor was hilarious, and I always felt that Meowth and Rattata's lines always should've received the Dark-typing... but turning Sandslash and Ninetales, Ground and Fire types respectively, into Ice-types? Whuh-wha? Turns out, though, they look absolutely awesome, especially in-game with the 3D models. And that honestly is just the basis of why they're here. Sandslash and Ninetales are both arguably two of the best designs to come out of Generation I, and they just put an icy spin on it and made the two look even more awesome. Ninetales is even part-Fairy to look extra-fancy, and Sandslash is spikier and is part-Steel, and that really makes him look so much more badass.
• Alolan Marowak: The change in Marowak from just a bigger Cubone into basically something themed on Hawaiian fire-dancing culture is genius, because fire-dancing is one of the few things I actually know about Hawaiian culture. The fact that Marowak is also part-Ghost, a nod to its original Generation I lore, is a bonus. Plus Alolan Marowak just looks so sleek and generally so much more athletic and cooler than regular Marowak.
• Alolan Muk: You'd think splooshing rainbow paint on a Pokemon would make it lok ugly, but not so for Muk. I'm one of the few people out there who like Muk, but, yeah, a glob of purple goop isn't very impressive. Give it random fang-teeth, and paint it in rainbow colours that undulate as it moves in the battlefield, and suddenly it becomes so much more insanely fabulous. I went from 'what the fuck is this shit' into 'holy shit it's awesome!' in like five seconds as the trailer that revealed Muk transitioned from his static Sugimori art to how he looked in-game. Plus the genius bonus that Alolan Muk's colours are based off a toxic spill? That's awesome. I don't like Grimer, but Muk? Muk's great. 
• Toxapex: Toxapex is awesome. Its design is creative enough, taking the crown-of-thorns starfish and crossing it with like an octopus or something to give it this weird dangly central body that is surrounded by a bunker-esque dome of spikes is one thing, but it's another to actually take real-life facts about the crown-of-thorns starfish and its destructive nature towards coral reefs and adapt it into one of the most sinister lore pieces where Toxapex absolutely annihilate Corsola populations. Plus Toxapex in-game has some pretty cool animations and gimmicks, too, where its ability, Merciless, allows it to strike critical hits against poisoned enemies. Its signature move? Baneful Bunker, which is like King's Shield but instead of an Attack debuff, it poisons the enemy. Plus its stats are almost Shuckle-esque, except not as specialized... but it can still tank everything and stall people out while they poison to death. Toxapex is cool. 
• Araquanid: Speaking of cool is Araquanid. Its pre-evolution Dewpider just looks kind of stupid, but Araquanid? Araquanid very nearly made it into my party if I hadn't fallen in love with Golisopod first, but man, if I did a second playthrough I'll definitely rock out with an Araquanid. I've always had a love-hate relationship with spiders. They're such endlessly fascinating creatures, but if one scuttled up to me in real life I'd freak the fuck out and pull out my flamethrower. Araquanid just embodies all that's alien about spiders, from the big, inhuman eyes, its jaws, its absolutely cool-looking spindly legs, its huge size... it just sets itself apart from the cute and adorable Galvantula, or the relatively more cartoony Ariados, and the fact that it's based on a very unique real-life animal, the water bell spider, who brings a bubble of air to hunt underwater (Araquanid is a twist where it brings a bubble of water out of water to hunt on land) and adapting it into a Pokemon is just awesome. Plus it's just an insanely cool design.
• Salandit: I'm not a big fan of the slightly-sexualized Salazzle in general, but Salandit? Salandit's typing is awesome, its general design and look as this little mischievous-looking lizard bandit just makes me like it a lot. I just wished Team Skull members used more of these obviously-evil little lizard dudes. 
• Stufful: I don't hate Bewear, I'm just not its biggest fan. Stufful, though, who I dismissed as 'eh, a pre-evo' back when he's released... ended up being easily one of my favourites. It's just so fucking cute! Its animations in battle, like how it just closes its eyes and waggles its front paws, or when it charges forwards and stumbles to the ground... man, if I ever do a top ten cutest Pokemon, you can bet Stufful's going to be in that list.
• Zygarde 10%: I love dogs. I really do. I think Pokemon don't do enough dedicated dogs, but that's because I'm a big dog person. But when big dragon-worm Zygarde is revealed to be made up of little cells, did anyone expect its lesser form to be... a doberman? Zygarde's worm-dragon form is cool but not especially spectacular, and I'm a huge detractor of its trying-too-hard 100% form, but its 10% form is just an adorable angry doberman, looking very lithe and angry, and I just love it. Again, it's weird that this dog is Ground/Dragon, but eh, I guess it's a carry-over from the 50% and 100% forms. 
• Type: Null: Not a particular big fan of its design, actually, but a chimera Pokemon is cool, and while it's overshadowed with all the Ultra Beast, Island Challenge, Team Skull/Aether/Lusamine plotline and everything... the backstory that went into Null that you find in several folders is cool. Again, not the biggest fan of its design or its use in battle, but I do like the old-school 'backstory hidden in the game' style of storytelling they went with it, while still giving Null a fair bit of prominence by making him your rival's main Pokemon.
• Tapu Koko & Tapu Fini: I'm not very sure about the Tapus when I saw them, but I've grown really fond of them. I still think Tapu Bulu looks horrible as shit. Tapu Lele's cute but not quite my jam... but Tapu Koko looks amazing in motion and in 3D, and it's easily the reason why it's the poster boy for the Tapus. Likewise, Tapu Fini is just such a clean design, and the way her shell opens to reveal this siren-esque Fairy within, and the narwhal-inspired totem form, and the finned arms and everything... I really enjoy the lore weaved into the Tapus' backstory, and I always love how from Generation IV onwards the legnedaries just have so much lore put into them. 
• Guzzlord, Necrozma & Celesteela: I generally love the Ultra Beasts in general, and these three are just three of my favourites among those that I've seen. Nihilego is the most iconic one, but at the end of the day, for all that it's done it's just... a relatively unimpressive-looking jellyfish bib thing. My favourite is still Buzzwole, of course, which is why he made it into the top ten, but Guzzlord is such an insane, psychotic-looking design that I can't help but love it. Necrozma is just so edgy and badass looking, and Celesteela, I think, is the most elegant and yet still alien-looking out of the Ultra Beasts. They just look so weird and inhuman and everything.

(That's a bit of a longer honourable mentions list than I'd like, but hey.)

From the depths he rises.

#1 Golisopod
Yeah, like there's any doubt. Golisopod is easily one of the heaviest hitters in my team, and I honestly didn't think that he was actually going to be super-good. I really liked Wimpod's horseshoe crab/silverfish design when it was released, hoping that he'll evolve into something cool. I expected something more in lieu with Kabutops, though, more sleek and agile... not this... absolutely amazing monstrosity. Between its two gigantic claws, to the smaller insect arms (that are retractable!) that extend down its upper body, to the awesome-looking armour plates that jut out its side, to the cool samurai-inspired take on the insectoid scales, to the absolutely cool-looking masked antenna bug-face... Golisopod just looks like a motherfucking powerhouse. Golisopod is based on the aquatic giant isopods (of the genus Bathynomus), relatives to woodlice -- which doesn't sound that impressive until you google a picture of one. Isopods are some of the weirdest and creepiest arthropods to live in the depths of our oceans, and are pretty fascinating... but never in my wildest dreams would I think that Nintendo would adapt an isopod into a Pokemon that looks like it can punch through a wall with gigantic arms that end in two gigantic claw-things.

Which, according to its pokedex, are sharp enough to cleave seawater in half. It also meditates deep in the sea in its spare time. Yeah. This thing just looks like a beast that can wreck anything in its path, and it has just got such a cool, insectoid design that still manages to look cool and not just, "hey, let's put this weird bug in our game". It's Bug/Water, which might not be the best defensive typing (though it only has three weaknesses, to be fair -- it just doesn't resist or counter that much), but it hits like a truck. A truck with a base 125 Attack, and insane defenses of 140 physical and 90 special. It's not the most ideal distribution out there but I do not care.

It has access to so many powerful physical moves, from its signature 'First Impression' that's basically a non-flinching, higher-powered Bug-type version of Fake Out. Whooping 90 base power! It has access to the newly-buffed Leech Life if you just want to do a physical-type Bug-STAB Giga Drain. It has access to new physical Water-type move Liquidation, which sounds awesome and also outpowers Razor Shell and Waterfall. By breeding, it can get priority STAB Aqua Jet. It can Sucker Punch for extra powerful physical retaliation. It can also learn an insane amount of range, having access to Poison Jab, Rock Slide, Shadow Claw, Brick Break, and (sadly special) a bunch of Ice-type moves.

But more than that, it just looks cool. I made a noise when I saw my Wimpod evolve into Golisopod in-game, and Guzma goes around traipsing Alola with one of his own, and who can blame him? Golisopod is an awesome-looking pokemon. It's only slightly crippled by its ability, Emergency Exit, which makes it a pretty poor Pokemon if you want to set up with it... but who cares about Swords Dances? Just go around sweeping thing with powerful physical moves. Golisopod is easily the most powerful physical Pokemon in my party, and yeah, sometimes it gets knocked back into the party before having the chance to attack, but honestly the drawback is a pretty interesting one that sometimes can be used to your benefit, and it's such a cool design that I don't care.
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And as always, here are the five that I dislike the most. I debated on putting Incineroar on this list, as I've gone on record on criticizing Incineroar's design, but it turns out there are five that I dislike the most, and honestly, while it's still an ugly Pokemon (if this was a top ten worst list, Incineroar would've easily made it in) I've mellowed out on its design.

Likewise, Alolan Dugtrio and Alolan Raticate barely made it out of this list. Dugtrio at least looks funny even if his Alolan form has literally zero effort put in, whereas Raticate would've been actually cool and might actually make it into the list above if only his cheeks weren't super puffy permanently. I am one of the few people who actually like Raticate and was excited when Alolan Rattata was announced... then super-bummed when Alolan Raticate looked rather dumb. But neither of those two are bad enough to really make it into this list.

#5 Alolan Diglett
It's kind of weird for me to just talk about how I don't hate Alolan Dugtrio, then lob Alolan Diglett as the fifth in this list. But Dugtrio at least had some thought put into its design, I think -- sure, it's just three wigs popped in, but that's certainly a lot better and less lazier than Diglett having like, three tufts of hair. That's just very lazy design, and it's honestly very irritating. Why not just make Diglett be, y'know, just regular Diglett, with Dugtrio being the one that's different? They did that with Pikachu, Exeggcute and Cubone, where the basic stage still is just regular ol' Pikachu, Exeggcute and Cubone, and they don't gain the Alolan transformation until they evolve. What's the point of giving Diglett like three extra tufts of hair? Plus Diglett's Ground/Steel typing is absolutely irritating early on. Dugtrio gets a pass for being a fully evolved Pokemon, but Diglett's just an annoying little shit that shows up in way, way more areas than it should have.

#4 Gumshoos
I actually don't have a problem with Yungoos! It's an early-route rodent, and I like it a lot more than, say, freakin' Patrat. It's a more animalistic take on the mongoose compared to Generation III's Zangoose (which was more humanoid), and the lore behind Yungoos as this species imported to deal with the Rattata population before being endemic itself is pretty cool. And it's actually sort-of cute. And then it evolves into Gumshoos, which is like, the ugliest motherfucker ever. Without going into Donald Trump hair jokes, Gumshoos is just irritatingly and annoyingly ugly. I'm not sure just what is it about it that makes me dislike it so much. Its perpetually-closed eyes? It's weird arms-behind-its-back stance? Its omni-presence in Alola? The fact that it literally is just Yungoos, just fatter and on its hind legs with an uglier hairdo? Blah. It's supposed to be based on a detective, apparently, to counter Alolan Raticate's apparently gang-esque territory, but it doesn't even really look like a detective, or if it's competent enough to even find its own way back home after going out on a stroll. What a stupid-looking thing.

#3 Brionne
I just think Brionne looks dumb. Middle evolutions never really tend to look good, which is something that describes everyone in their puberty. The basic stage always looks cute and adorable, and the final stage looks badass and beautiful... (shut the fuck up, Slaking) but Brionne is just very... weird. I'm not the biggest fan of Primarina or Popplio, but I do consider Popplio this cute seal clown, and Primarina is an elegant, if slightly over-designed, mermaid-seal. Brionne, though? It just tries its best to borrow some of Popplio's cute clown thing and a dress that Primarina tossed away, and it just looks dumb. Look at its weird triple-layered skirt thing. Look at... whatever the fuck those beads on its ears are supposed to be. It's just this very awkward design where it's not at all cute like Popplio, and definitely nowhere as graceful as Primarina will be. Jeez.

#2 Crabominable
I didn't think much of Crabominable when I first saw its leaked images. Crabrawler is a very colourful design, but on par with most Pokemon. Sure, it has got weird hair and a weird set of eyes, but it's a punching coconut crab. Its bright colours even make sense when the lore that it hides in berry piles ends up coming to light. So it evolves into the very unique Fighting/Ice type when leveled up in an icy mountain... cool! And the evolution is even based on the very obscure yeti crab. From a distance it looks okay, but when I actually saw a Crabominable in-game... gawd, what an ugly-ass thing. Nevermind the fists, because the weird claw-less hairy clubs with dog paw-prints still look... not as stupid as it could've been. Nevermind the mess that was white-and-indigo-and-sky-blue-and-yellow all rolled together into a single being, because you could argue that it's Crabrawler growing a yeti coat. It's the face. From the absolutely weird and out of place huge gaping human mouth with two toddler teeth just poking out of it, to the beady eyes, to the hair... Crabrawler's hair still looks like a crab's antenna. Crabominable's hair looks like he tried to emulate the bowl cut on one of the Alolan Dugtrio's heads and ends up looking like the kid in your kindergarten class that eats their own boogers. Never mind Slowpoke or Stunfisk, who still look adorable in their derpiness. Crabominable truly is a horrifying abomination in just how mish-mash and absolutely stupid it looks.

#1 Alolan Persian
I just absolutely and utterly loathe Alolan Persian. I'm not a huge fan of cats in real life, especially grown cats. Kittens are fine and cute, but I have never been and will never be a cat person. Like, sure, lions and tigers and panthers are very cool, but actual housecats? Fuck off, you pampered little shits. To Pokemon's credit, they've done a marvelous job at making cat Pokemon likable. From cool-looking ones like Torracat, Luxray and regular Persian, to cute ones like Skitty and Mew, to mischievous-looking ones like Meowth... Only Purugly truly is an ugly shit, and that's actually meant to be ugly. Persian, though? Alolan Meowth was such a cool, elegant and sassy-looking variant of the regular Meowth. But it all changes when it evolves into Alolan Persian, where its head turns into a huge balloon that, compared with the original Persian, looks like it's inflated three times larger than it should've been. And its legs, especially compared to other catty Pokemon like Persian and Liepard, look like they've got rickets or something, or Alolan Persian is just so fat that its legs look like they're made up of plasticine. And it just looks so absolutely stupid. And all its dex entries talk about how Alolan people think that its round face is amazing and desirable and I fear for the intelligence of the people of Alola if that truly is what they think. The fact that it exemplifies everything that is negative about a cat, which is to say that Alolan Persian is a self-absorbed, dirty-fighting, super-prideful cunt that looks down on everything else... in addition to looking phenomenally dumb. It's not just the cat-hater in me, though that definitely contributes to my hatred towards this thing. Fuck this shit.

Thanks for reading! If you like this article, check out previous Pokemon Top Tens in this handy-dandy list, including 'Best and Worst' of all previous six generations. Of course, this is a very opinion-based list, and everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I mean, sure, you can like Alolan Persian and be weird, but hey, that's your opinion.