Movie Review: Batman - the Killing Joke

Batman: The Killing Joke

I read the Killing Joke at a relatively young age. I was a big Batman fan back in the day, and I kept wondering how this cheerful Batgirl I see in the cartoons and some of the older comics ended up paralyzed. I mean, Oracle is cool as all hell, but as a kid I wanted all the big 'event' comics, and apparently Barbara was shot in this apparently super-acclaimed comic called the Killing Joke.

Wow, what a fucked-up comic I bought home that day. It was revolutionary in that it was one of the first comics to explore such a dark theme of Batman and Joker's fucked-up relationship, how they revolve around each other, it explores the 'One Bad Day' mentality of the Joker and gives the most iconic (and now kinda definitive) origin of the Joker, it has the shock factor of having Joker go after Gordon in his home, shooting his daughter and then trying to drive him insane. It's far from perfect -- a lot of criticisms can be lobbied at the book, most notably reducing Batgirl, Barbara Gordon, into a weak character who had like four pages of screentime total and crippled without much of a fight, and then literally used as shock value in-universe. And the ending was something that I never liked, even if I grew to appreciate the myriad interpretations it had I always thought the ending deserved something with more... oomph instead of just Batman and Joker laughing.

But man, there were so many themes going on in that comic. The whole 'one bad day can drive a normal man to madness', but people like Gordon (and thus the reader) have the choice to stay sane and strong and uphold the book. Evil people will try to convince themselves that other people are as bad as they are. There's the whole duality between Batman and Joker, their similarities (literally one bad day and the deaths of loved ones by circumstances out of their control fucked the two of them up) and their eternal dance that can only end with one of their death, and humanizing Batman even more here by having him actually offer to help Joker despite all that he's done. Yeah, the story has problems, but it has a lot of other great themes.

But warts and all, it was one of the definitive Batman/Joker stories, and one of the most iconic and pivotal Batman stories of all time. So when DC started making movies based on comic book stories, it's a matter of time before this one made the cut.

THERE IS NO SANITY CLAUSE

The question is, how will they go about it? Even without the brutality and dark comedy of Joker shooting Barbara in her own home, and then stripping her to take photos to torment Gordon (with a bit of rape subtext that has been subject to debate for years and years) the whole point of the Killing Joke was the psychological ramifications of madness and the unending conflict between Batman and the Joker. It isn't something you'd want to air on a Saturday morning for little kids. Plus, the artwork is horrifying... even when drawn in DC Animated's crispier art style.

So when the animation adaptation is announced, I was happy. As much as I have mixed feelings about the original comic book, the simple notion of hearing that Kevin Conroy and Mark fucking Hamill -- the voices of Batman and Joker from Batman: the Animated Series... nay, the definite voices of Batman and Joker period -- will be reprising their roles made me super-excited for this adaptation. And for the most part? Whenever the two are on screen together, holy shit, their voices were music to my ear. And a lot of the iconic scenes from the Killing Joke, from Joker's origin story, to Joker shooting Barbara, to Batman meeting the poser in the asylum with the skin makeup, to faithful reproductions of panels with Joker's hollow sunken eyes, to Batman going on a rampage on the local thugs to look for Joker, to the creepy throne of baby dolls, to the nightmare carnival ride with the weird midget things... so much was reproduced faithfully from the comic, so much lines of dialogue lifted from the comics, that it was beautiful. And hearing one more time Joker's rants that waffle between insane ramblings to jokes to anger at what the world did to it and his desire to prove that normal people are just like him... it's a wonderful script, and, again, it is definitely the reason that Alan Moore's comic is held in high regard.

Of course, the movie should, by rights, be held in high regards, too. Great voice acting, great script, pretty decent animation... it's basically the Killing Joke, just animated and read by Mark Hamill (and oh boy what an excellent job Hamill did with his last work as the Joker) and Kevin Conroy.

Well, so long as you ignore the first one-third of the story, that is.

See, Killing Joke, the movie, adds around... oh... 30-40 minutes of extra screentime of wholly original material. Which expanded on Batgirl's role in the story. Which I was honestly very, very excited about when I heard what was going to happen. The Killing Joke was a pretty short comic, especially compared to other comic books that got turned into movies. And, don't get me wrong, Killing Joke was an excellent Joker story, balancing between his anarchic insanity and some reason for his character's existence... but it was a shit Batgirl story, and it kinda disgusted me because, hey, I'm a Batgirl fan as much as I am a Batman or Joker fan. The fact that this led to Barbara refusing to fall to one bad day and rise up from the ashes as Oracle has allayed a lot of my dislike to her having like three pages in the whole thing, but it is still valid criticism that Barbara Gordon was reduced to nothing but a plot device in the original comic book, reduced to nothing but a plot device as a motivation tool for Batman and Gordon.

If there was one thing that really needed to be changed in the Killing Joke, it was this facet of the story, and trailers showing Batgirl in action beating up thugs made me smile. Yeah, this was the way to go. Expand Batgirl's story, and make it so that when she gets shot, it's not as dehumanizing as it initially was in the comic.

Except... the movie adaptation actually makes it worse.

Sorry if I rant a lot about the Batgirl prologue, but that bit being the only real new material to the movie and the rest being super-faithful to the comics with awesome voice acting, this is the part I really needed to talk about, I think.

See, we get to see a prologue of Batman and Batgirl fighting crime in the beginning... which doesn't really paint Batgirl in a very flattering way. Having Batman's sidekicks be worse than him and get angry because Batman refuses to acknowledge their incompetence is nothing new -- every single member of his little bat-family has been through it. But spending so, so much time focusing on Barbara angsting about 'he loves me, he loves me not' both in and out of cape? That is just weird and adds nothing to the story later on. It just paints Barbara as this lovesick girl, and reduced to a mere two-dimensional love interest -- a different feminist stereotype than damsel in distress and died-to-motivate-the-hero, perhaps, but still a very unflattering one.

And honestly, Batman's relationship with Batgirl has always been that of a surrogate father or uncle. It was Batman's adopted son, Dick, that dated Batgirl, and after having that relationship in mind for years it is honestly jarring and absolutely wrong to see them fuck. There's the age gap, and the weird parental surrogate thing going on, and there's how Batgirl is written... she's so... subordinate to Batman, so eager to earn his respect, yet somehow this translates to sex? Having her biggest priority during her ranting is why Batman doesn't pay attention to her, instead of trying to analyze the Paris's obsession... this felt like something out of a fanfiction instead of something that should be latched on with the quality of scripting that the actual Killing Joke parts got. Honestly, after all the rap that the comic book version of Killing Joke got for its portrayal of Barbara, you'd think this movie would do better.

We get a small subplot of Batgirl having to chase down Paris Franz, who is this crime dude fighting his own uncle, a big kingpin, and having an unhealthy obsession with Batgirl. Like, flirting and using date rape gas and shit. I guess it's meant to be a parallel to Joker and Batman's relationship? And Batgirl beating Paris into a pulp might be a parallel to the whole 'one bad day' allegory? None of this really ends up amounting to anything, though, because Barbara quits being Batgirl, and then her role gets reduced back to how she was in the original comic -- does nothing, gets shot, and stays out of the picture. Oh, yeah, she does get a stinger where she returns as Oracle, but honestly that scene was so unindicative that anyone who doesn't already know who Oracle is won't understand what's going on.

And honestly, does any of the prologue really add anything to the story? Did the dull romance accomplish anything? Did the whole insipid subplot about chasing the creeptastic douchebag Paris mean anything in the long run? None of this adds any weight to the movie, and you're left wondering what was the point of showing Batgirl for the first twenty plus minutes if it's not going to do anything to the movie?

Sigh.

Honestly, I think the first thirty minutes do as much disservice to such a beloved character like Batgirl as shooting her and leaving her like a sacrificial lamb did.

Oh well.

Mark Hamill's Joker is excellent and you should watch the movie for him, if nothing else. It's the definitive Joker, blending the gleeful, cheerful sadism with a slightly darker (but not overboard) take on the character, with certain uncharacteristically lucid moments. And you even get him singing at one point. Yeah, there is a reason when people debate about Ledger vs Leto vs Nicholson vs Cesar, I'll just point at Mark Hamill's Joker.

So yeah. Killing Joke the movie is still a very good Batman and Joker story. But it's an even shittier Batgirl story than the original. Poor kid can't catch a break.


DC Easter Egg Corner:

• The monitor with a montage of pictures of Joker is a treasure trove of this, with scenes from 70+ years' worth of Joker stories... ones I noticed are...
• We get a cameo of Joker with Harley Quinn in her New 52 look. Notably, Harley Quinn's character sprouted to life as a random extra mook in Batman: the Animated Series... of which the voice cast of this movie is from.
• We get a reproduction of Jason Todd's dead face after Joker kills him, though in the comics Jason's death happened after the events of Killing Joke -- the GCPD taking drastic measures against Joker was one of the things that actually led into the events of Death in the Family.
• Laughing fish, which is based on a pretty iconic 70's Joker comic which was later adapted into an Emmy-winning episode of Batman: the Animated Series.
• A reproduction of the cover of Batman #1 (which itself is homaged with the more well-known the Man who Laughs comic), the comic that contains Joker's first appearance, with Joker holding playing cards with Batman, Joker and Robin's faces.
• The first appearance of Cesar Romero's Joker in the old TV series with Joker disguising himself as a clown -- you might also recognize the clown mask as the same one used by Heath Ledger's Joker in the Dark Knight's opening scene.
• Joker on a folding chair at a beach, holding a green can while birds fly around him, is a reproduction of a scene from Tim Burton's Batman, starring Jack Nicholson's Joker.
• An animated adaptation of Heath Ledger's Joker with the green vest and all sitting calmly in a jail cell from the Dark Knight. 
• The Laffco factory is a setting from Batman: The Animated Series, which I'm not sure has appeared in other Batman material.
• One of the few lines not really lifted from the comic during the actual Killing Joke segment was the "I swear to god" "swear to me" line from Batman and a random thug, which is one of the iconic and memetic lines from Batman Begins. Which I'm 99% sure wasn't in the original comic.
• The newspaper clipping that Gordon showed off is a reproduction of the very first comic book cover featuring Bat-man, though with him choke-holding Joker instead of a random mook. I think in the comic this was just a random nondescript comic instead of a reference to Detective Comics #27.

One Piece 836 Review: Convenient Introdump

One Piece, Chapter 836: The Vivre Card that Lola Gave

Well, that was disappointingly short. We get several pages of just a flashback to catch readers up on Lola -- which, to be honest, has been quite some time since she has been relevant -- so yeah. We also get confirmation that Lola's father, mr juice dude, is called Pound. There's a bit of random internal conflict between Randolph, Brulee and Cracker, all of whom had gathered around... and Randolph's just weird because he kind of disappears from the plot after his re-introduction. There was a weird bit where the tree homies are apparently scared to death (literally to death) by Cracker? We got them introdumping about the whole Vinsmoke thing and the whole 'I've captured your friends' thing to Luffy and Nami, before Brulee transforms... some... things into animals? I honestly didn't follow some of the events and sequences in this chapter. 

Oh, and Nami's vivre card (that definitely belongs to Big Mom) drives the Homies away because it marks her as untouchable. Raise your hand anyone who didn't see this coming the moment Lola was brought back into the story. No one? Good.

Apparently Brulee's mirror doesn't kill the people it traps if it shatters. Also, Cracker can split his arms apart if he knocks on them, so he faces luffy with eight sword arms and a shield made up of a cracker. "Thousand Arms" Cracker has a bounty of 860 million... which is quite high. In comparison, Luffy and Law are both 500 million, Ace was around the 500 million ballpark too, Doflamingo was 350 before the bounty was frozen by the government... But bounties aren't really indicative of strength, because Luffy did a lot of things the government isn't aware of and Doflamingo has had his bounty frozen for a long, long time. So I dunno. Cracker doesn't look like he's going to be a big threat.

Regardless, the fight will be definitely more interesting than this chapter. 

Gotham S02E22 Review: Stupid Fish & Crybaby Hugo

Gotham, Season 2, Episode 22: Transference

Wow, that was messy. It wasn't the worst finale out there, granted, but it still leaves a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

Mostly due to Fish Mooney, who randomly decides to break out and just take over, complete with horrible acting and horrible lines and ill-defined story-breaking superpowers, turning Hugo Strange into a crying mess... which he proceeds to have as he completely freaks out when he realizes things spins out of his control. It's such a shame, really, considering how fun Hugo Strange has been throughout this season. He ends up getting caught up between the crossfire of Firefly and Mr. Freeze, somehow surviving that no problem, and then just blubbering because the big scary Court of Owls is coming.

It really feels more like a mid-season finale, because half of the episode is spent on Nygma and Hugo interrogating Bruce, Lucius and Gordon about what they know about who really runs the city... which really is a crappy series of scenes. What was the point of the poison gas when you're only going to drop Lucius and Bruce next to Gordon... unsupervised... for no reason? Why move them at all, if you want them to die and disappear? What was the point of using Nygma's scare tactics if Hugo has truth serum? That whole sequence was just dumb, and really even in-universe all it serves to do is probably instill suspicion within the minds of our heroes.

And for Hugo Strange's people to just allow Selina to waltz around because she's Firefly's disciple or some shit? That's also dumb.

And for everyone in the GCPD, including Bullock and Alfred, to not question Clayface's utterly disgracefully horrible acting? That was also dumb. Hilarious, of course, to see the eternally-winking-and-grinning Clayface Gordon, but still.

Oh, and Jim Gordon decides to abandon his city, upon which Hugo Strange's army of monsters has been unleashed, to go off and find Lee. Because that's what you do. Granted, the whole Arkham crisis was averted, but surely at least confirming just what kind of monsters Hugo Strange has unleashed takes precedence? Bah.

Other than the stupid ways that the plot runs over its head to move characters into place -- including bringing in Barbara Kean quite randomly to unmask Clayface -- it's a serviceable finale, with the main plot centering on Team Gordon just surviving the big bomb that Hugo Strange has in the basement, while Strange just wants to escape the wrath of the Court of Owls. Fish is the wildcard that Strange didn't expect, mind-controlling poor Ms. Peabody, and eventually escaping with a full retinue of monsters. The execution is just shit, though, with Hugo Strange being a blubbering mess, Fish reminding me why I despise her character, and the ending just being inconclusive. What happened to Firefly and Mr Freeze? Why didn't Fish kill the Penguin? Where did Fish go?

That shot of blurred monsters being unleashed (was that Jerome-Joker among them?) ending with a cloned Bruce Wayne is creepy and cool, but the rest of the episode was just a big mess, meant more to build up the Court of Owls, the army of monsters and *sigh* Fish fucking Mooney, which really was the one character that should've stayed dead. Seeing Hugo Strange's character arc utterly derailed like this by both the Court and Fish just pisses me off a lot, and to do that in an inconsistently paced episode like this is just inexcusable.

Gotham S02E21 Review: Clayface and the Court of Owls

Gotham, Season 2, Episode 21: A Legion of Horribles

Sometimes I forget that all this Hugo Strange business only runs for half of the season, which is a shame -- done properly as a 20-episode season, there would've been ample time to really explore Hugo Strange and develop the plot threads of characters like Oswald to make them actually relevant to this. As it is, this episode is one big 'put everyone in place for the finale' episode, which honestly isn't all that bad... if things just didn't get lobbed at us hard and fast. After the Azrael-centric episodes prior to this, the show just loses focus and drops everything on us.

Where to begin? First up, the main plot between Bruce Wayne investigating Hugo Strange comes to a head as Bruce Wayne, Lucius Fox and an undercover Jim Gordon heads off into Arkham Asylum to investigate and confront Strange, which leads to some great moments between Bruce and Alfred (after the latter chews out Bruce for being an irresponsible little twat that very well would've gotten Selina killed if she wasn't protected by plot armour) and a great confrontation between Bruce and Hugo.

But then, everything kind of falls apart as the show tries to introduce so many facets to the plot. Hugo Strange is apparently doing everything to serve the Court of Owls, which honestly just came out of nowhere. And that's the main goal of the whole raise an army of the dead thing. Also, Fish Mooney, the character no one wants to see return... returns. And because Hugo grafted some cuttlefish DNA and electroshocks her, she returns with full powers and... can control people with a touch. Fish just returns, delivers a crapton of horribly-written dialogue and just ends up being a big strange part of the episode -- obviously she's not going to usurp Hugo Strange as the main villain, so it's more of a setup piece for season three... which, really, didn't need to happen here. Having Fish return isn't the most exciting thing ever, but it would've served better if this was like the big stinger at the end of the next episode.

Also, there's the question of bringing Fish Mooney back -- she's a horribly annoying character, and while that's effective when she's a villain we're supposed to hate (a'la Theo Gallavan) the show's first season really loves putting her in the spotlight quite undeservedly, spinning off random subplots revolving around her... and I certainly hate that, because honestly who really cares about Fish Mooney?

There's also Hugo's newest creation, Basil Karlo, a.k.a. Clayface... who, in this version, actually only is able to transform his face. Into Jim Gordon's, naturally. Also completely goofy and crazy, and is more a plot device than anything. Also, Selina gets Firefly to stand down and accept her as Firefly's servant... because, uh, Hugo and Peabody just didn't stick around to see Firefly kill the intruder. Because. Um. The confrontation between the two also doesn't have an emotional punch either, which I really had wished we would get from the two former friends.

Bullock is always great stuff, though, with every single scene that he shows up in being hilariously fun, and him having to adapt as the acting commissioner is a great, inspired move to give him something interesting to do.

While Bruce Wayne's bit wasn't honestly that bad, it also felt rushed and dragged out both at the same time, and he finds himself at the tender mercies of Ed Nygma, who seems to have degressed from a slightly-unstable schemer to straight-up batshit crazy. Which is honestly annoying, as entertaining as it is.

Overall, while the episode is inconsistent in juggling its many minor villains (Firefly, Riddler, Ms. Peabody, and now Fish's thrown back into the mix which is entirely unnecessary), we did get a couple of great scenes courtesy of Bruce Wayne. But overall it does lend a sense that this episode really could've been much better executed.

Gotham S02E20 Review: The Butler versus the Angel of Death

Gotham, Season 2, Episode 20: Unleashed

What an insane ending! Azrael continues to be a lot of fun, and even while trying to take this incarnation of the character more seriously by throwing an identity crisis his way, Azrael never stops being this hammy, insane fucker who goes around going all "I require a holy weapon for my quest!" and goes around immune to bullets and shit. There's just something absolutely insanely fun just watching this particular plotline on a previously super-serious and dour television.

No, the plot probably is utterly insane as Hugo Strange's big plan of reviving people from the dead and sending them out doesn't hold water, since Gordon and Bullock almost immediately confronts Hugo Strange about it and only a paper shredder ended up saving him from being arrested. His master plan involves 'eh, Azrael and the cops will probably kill each other anyway'. But Azrael is fun! He brings out other characters like Tabitha Gallavan, Butch and Penguin out from where they have been hiding, and it's a lot of great hamminess going around. The bit with the crypt and Tabitha getting stabbed was hilarious as it just throws away any attempt at a serious drama regarding Theo Gallavan's identity crisis. Tabitha and Theo never really had much going on other than some antagonism so the show absolutely spits on Tabitha's attempts to try and coax out some sibling memories. Stabbed through the gut, you under-developed flat character!

And the Penguin showing up to perform an 'we both want this fucker dead' moment with Butch (Tabitha having killed Gertrude notwithstanding) is a nice, fun moment. Butch hasn't done a damn thing other than being lovesick over Tabitha, and it's fun to see the duo pop up in the end and finish off Azrael.

Azrael's assault on Wayne manor is absolutely awesome. From the prolonged swordfight with Alfred, to Bruce ramming him with a (non-Batmobile) car, to Gordon getting stuck in traffic and arriving late... and then Penguin shows up, umbrella in hand, talking about how you need the right tools for the job. I legit thought that we're going to see the genesis of the Penguin's trick umbrellas... but nope! Butch waddles in with a goddamned bazooka, the background music swells up with some crazy rock beats, and then kaboom! Azrael got blown to bits! And then exit Penguin and Butch after a one-liner as the rock music continues, while Alfred just half-heartedly replies the wave.

Man, that was such an insanely fun ending!

The little sub-plot with Nygma trying to escape out of prison while Bruce convinces Selina to sneak in was nowhere as crazy-fun, but it was decent. Selina gets to sneak in and see what I think is Killer Croc (who I don't think will be allowed on the show because, y'know, Warner Brothers). I do like how Selina is super-motivated to save her buddy Bridget... who has been brainwashed fully into Firefly. The episode ends on the cliffhanger that Firefly just blasted Selina and turned her into roast kitty while Hugo Strange and Peabody watches, but we'll see. (Also Selina changed her hair again into straight blonde.)

Bullock gets a great moment where he stands in for Barnes as the GCPD's leader, with everyone literally just looking at him for instructions. Barnes isn't dead, and apparently neither is Tabitha -- both are just super-wounded in a hospital, which is TV-speak for 'will return in a couple of episodes'. Seriously, Azrael, get a better sword or some shit.

But oh my god, this episode is just a fun episode to watch. I don't think I laughed so hard at an episode before, and it's definitely entertaining. It might not bode well when Gotham actually does get serious as the season nears its end, but man, Gotham really should learn to embrace the insanity that is their source material instead of trying so hard to be glum and pessimistic and 'oh, look at how cleverly and subtly (Read: NOT) we are hinting at the Batman lore hurr hurr' all the time. This is fun stuff. I'm liking this episode for all the wrong reasons, but come on! You can't watch this and not realize how little they take this plotline seriously while still making Azrael badass.

Movie Review: Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad was the DC live-action movie that I was more excited about. I mean, Batman vs Superman's whole concept is awesome as all hell. Batman fighting Superman? Founding of the Justice League? Wonder Woman? It's all great, but the trailers and whatnot don't seem to deliver that much of a good story though I certainly enjoyed myself with the simple novelty of seeing beloved characters bought to live on the big screen.

With Suicide Squad, though, it was a wholly different thing entirely. Putting aside my being pissed off at Warner Brothers taking the piss on the CW-DC-TV-verse by putting a clampdown on all characters remotely related to the Suicide Squad, it's a movie that I have been eager to see come to fruition. I honestly guessed from the cast and trailers that the plot's going to be lifted wholesale from the old cartoon-movie, Assault on Arkham, but that's okay. That's what adaptations do, right?

As it turns out, it was definitely a pleasant surprise that other than some broad strokes (Deadshot and Harley Quinn being the two main Squad members that get the most screentime; Captain Boomerang and a big tough animalistic villain being two prominent members of the team; one of the villains get blown up almost immediately; Batman and Joker being in it) the plot is more about the formation of the Squad itself.

See, a lot is riding on Suicide Squad's shoulders. After Batman versus Superman was panned almost universally by critics -- rightfully so, as I enjoyed myself watching the movie but acknowledge so much problems with its writing that not even an Extended Edition that restores a crapton of cut subplots can save it from being mediocre at best -- Suicide Squad was going to be that break that the DCEU movies needed, that awesome, light-hearted-yet-somewhat-dark movie to finally prove that DC coimcs can compete with Marvel comics' movies. Thus, in addition to competing with BvS and the whole pantheon of Marvel movies, Suicide Squad had to compete with a relatively well-received animated adaptation in the past, and that's not counting the comparisons that will be inevitably drawn between other live-action portrayals of Joker, Katana, Deadshot, Captain Boomerang, etc. From how the reviews of this movies were, you'd think this was a total rehash of BvS, except with more jokes crammed in.

That's not exactly fair. This movie isn't a solid 9-out-of-10, but it's definitely a very fun movie, and not entirely the disaster that a lot of reviewers put it out to be.

I think there are three big problems with this movie that make its pacing feel so haphazard, and let me go through them all: pacing, plot and amount of characters. The pacing honestly felt very odd. The first twenty or thirty minutes of the episode was absolutely awesome, with catchy intro calling cards and a listing of random factoids of our heroes (well, villains) while showing them in their element, with Amanda Waller pressuring the government into forming her Task Force X, while going into wacky hijinks with recruiting the squad members. And honestly, any scene with the titular squad just interacting and just being douchebags is hilarious. But around after they got airdropped into the city, things just kind of went kind of downhill and predictable, turning the movie's climax into... well, I won't say that it's as bad as Doomsday from BvS, but it felt honestly kinda boring compared to how the tone of the movie.

Which, part of it, I think is the fault of the plot itself. Amanda Waller losing control of her most powerful metahuman, the Enchantress, and having her create Cthulhoid eye-faced minions out of Midway City's population and create a giant portal to a psychedelic dimension doesn't feel like it should be the plot of a Suicide Squad movie, whose whole point is to go where the government and superheroes cannot go, to do the government's dirty deeds and whatnot and be the blame-able, disposable patsies and scapegoats should they die. The 'scapegoat' bit was brought up a little, but here it just felt kinda off. Yeah, the Suicide Squad was sent in to rescue Amanda Waller from Midway City (the big twist is that it's Waller and not someone else) but the final threat ended up having the Squad face off against the world-eating abomination and blowing the two of them up with C4. Which is still an entertaining enough plot, but it just felt... off compared to the excellent introduction to the movie and the concept of the Suicide Squad itself. Assault on Arkham handles the plot beautifully by having the Squad face off against the Arkham guards and Batman, plus the Joker as a wild card on the other side, which felt like a more appropriate plotline for a disposable black ops team.

How could it have been improved? Well, maybe in the middle of the episode we could've seen the Squad actually operate in several short Black Ops missions. Actual assassinations and taking down metahumans or whatever, and cut out some of the useless 'fight against abominated humans' scenes. It would give the Squad some breathing room and make it more believable for them to develop a bond with each other and make Enchantress's betrayal and her constant 'join me, my comrades' speech more sensible. But I dunno.

The weirdest moment was when the squad has clearly said 'fuck it' and is drinking in that bar, and Rick Flag's shit excuse of a pep talk somehow managed to get the whole squad to go off and fight the Enchantress? Deadshot and his desire to meet his daughter, plus Harley being just that crazy, I can totally buy. And Katana's still a good guy, I suppose? But we get no explanation for why Killer Croc and Diablo end up tagging along, or why Captain Boomerang returns to the team after running away with the beer. A couple of 'yeah, I don't wanna get destroyed with the rest of the world' or something along those lines would've definitely helped out.

Also other than their introduction, they don't feel like villains other than Harley Quinn and maybe Captain Boomerang. A bunch of mercenaries press-ganged into serving the country, sure, but they don't really do much while part of the Squad to really justify the audience understanding why Waller would want them locked up again.

The third problem is the overload of the cast. Don't get me wrong, I loved how they plucked several B-listers and C-listers off the DC villain list and added some of the most obscure villains, one of which I have never heard of before despite being a gigantic DC geek since my childhood. But what they actually did with them... well... the movie, thankfully, wasn't quite the Will Smith and Margot Robbie show, although Deadshot and Harley Quinn do get the biggest roles out of the Squad they don't quite dominate the show and it still feels like a decent ensemble cast... with some of them, anyway. El Diablo (the villain I didn't know existed in the comics) is the breakout star for me, being absolutely awesome with a great personality and a tragic backstory, Waller got a lot of great, dark character moments, and Rick Flag had enough screen time on his part even though I don't care about him. Killer Croc being a brute is expected and I didn't mind, and honestly who expected Slipknot to survive longer than five seconds after being left out of Waller's initial intro? I knew who Slipknot is, he was a very shitty Firestorm villain whose super-skill was... tying a knot really fast. Firestorm is a walking nuclear reactor. Yeah. Slipknot, you shitty supervillain, you.

The biggest misses, I think, were Captain Boomerang and especially Katana. The Captain is built up to be some kind of the third-main Squad member after Deadshot and Harley, with Killer Croc being the quiet brutish muscle and Diablo being a technical pacifist. And Captain Boomerang does get a lot of screentime, and whenever he opens his mouth it's a hilariously-delivered line... but they don't do enough with him. They toned him down from his traditional portrayal as someone with a chronic backstabbing disorder so there isn't the Deadshot-vs-Boomerang rivalry that we see in Assault in Arkham, yet he's still an asshole and a coward, so he isn't a good team player like he is in some incarnations of him among the Rogues... so he ultimately felt very flat. Plus there isn't enough boomerang action scenes and he felt more like a knife nut more than anything.

Katana... I don't know why she's in the movie, honestly. She steals a couple of scenes to herself -- her introduction as Rick Flag's bodyguard and the promise that a (non-metahuman) superhero is going to be watching the Squad's back, and we get to learn a bit about her Soultaker Sword... yet she does absolutely nothing. She goes off with Deadshot and the other criminals to get a drink for no reason despite supposedly being one of the good guys, she has a random moment where she cries and talks to the spirit of her husband, but she's just a huge anomaly and even moreso than Captain Boomerang, because all throughout the movie she's just another fighter, and you can cut out all her scenes and nothing will be missing from the movie. At least with Captain Boomerang we have some fun dynamic between him and the other Squad members. 

Anyway, though, despite all that rambling, I still enjoy this film. It's not going to be the best superhero film ever, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. Personally the debate between the fans of the DC live action movies and Marvel live action movies are a bit silly. I think both sides could afford to take a step back from embracing their tones too wholeheartedly.

I like to go through movies by talking about characters one by one, so let's start with...

Deadshot! I honestly am worried that he's going to be a generic Will Smith character when I saw who they casted for him. I didn't mind the race lift, but I was worried that he'll be turned into a super-heroic character. And while there's definitely a bit more heroic tendencies than you'd expect from Deadshot, it didn't really detract that much. Deadshot's villain backstory (despite the whole 'I don't kill no women and children' thing) is shown in clear detail, how he's a paid mercenary who kills other people and swindles his clients. We get an honestly impressive show with him in the opening, and a rather sad moment as Batman swoops down while he's shopping with his daughter. And Deadshot's attachment to his daughter serves as a cliched but quite effective morality/motivation line throughout the movie. He's definitely the most heroic out of the villains in the Squad, but his constant butting of heads with Rick Flag is portrayed well, even if you end up definitely sympathizing with Deadshot after witnessing Waller's bullshit. His little code of honour among thieves, like refusing to shoot Harley Quinn (well, 'missing' the shot anyway) is pretty cool. I liked this portrayal of Deadshot, that's for sure.

Harley Quinn didn't quite steal the show as I expected she would, but it's definitely a great adaptation of the character. Part of me am a bit pissed off that we didn't have her running around in her original skin-tight jester costume, but I guess the ponytails-shirt-shorts combo is easier for her to move around in? It's nowhere as slutty as a lot of modern portrayals of Harley Quinn are, and for the most part Margot Robbie does deliver a great balance between cheeriness and disturbing psychopathy. Harley gets a couple of flashbacks throughout the movie showing her fucked-up relationship with the Joker (which is actually a bit less darker than the source material). I still think we're missing a scene where we learn just why Harley is so smitten with the Joker when she's working as a psychiatrist, but the flashbacks from the two meeting in Arkham Asylum, to Joker electrocuting Harley, to the moment when Joker got Harley to jump into a vat of ACE acid before eventually jumping in after her, to the sheer moment of joy the two have being the 'king and queen of Gotham', it's a more upbeat version of Harley Quinn's traditional story where she's a victim of domestic abuse and Stockholm Syndrome, because the movie's incarnation of Joker seem to actually care about Harley. Yeah, maybe it's partly driven by possessiveness, but it balances between the twisted nature of their relationship (the electroshock therapy in their earlier meetings) and actual love (Joker being absolutely depressed in the present day and simply hellbent on rescuing Harley).

But Mr. J himself isn't the single driving force between Harley's character arc, because while it's a fair chunk of plot during the second act of the movie, Harley still holds her own as she eventually accepts herself as being part of a team. Despite her big insane moments there are several bits of deeper character moments, like the uncharacteristic bursting of emotion during the bar where she unloads a lot of nasty words on Diablo and telling him to 'own up to your shit' and noting that 'normal' is not an option for them, ever. Which is very heartwrenching when Enchantress does her silly your-greatest-wish illusion thing and Harley's greatest wish is a normal married domestic life with a normal Joker. Harley's quite fun, and has a fair amount of badassery that I normally wouldn't associate with the character but I welcome wholeheartedly.

Let's talk about the Joker first before I move to the rest of the squad. Jared Leto's Joker is prominently featured in the trailers and it seemed that he would be the main antagonist... which he is not! It's really surprising. It's a very disturbing portrayal of Joker, leaning more on the psychopathic side compared to Heath Ledger's anarchy, but thankfully nowhere too over-the-top like how a lot of modern portrayals of the Joker are. Joker's a lot more scary than funny in this one, but it's definitely a fun portrayal of the Joker. He appears a lot in Harley's flashback, before we get to see a small sub-plot of him in the present day feverishly being depressed until he gets a lead on Harley's prison and starts to go and pull all the stops to hunt her down, eventually hijacking a helicopter and rescuing a very glad Harley. Of course, the helicopter containing the Joker gets hit by a blast from the Enchantress's weird magical portal thing and very awkwardly gets rid of the Joker and his henchmen in a huge explosion while Harley falls down... and I honestly am confused... the Joker's involvement in all this certainly could have been played out a little better. For his short amount of screentime, though, Joker definitely stole all the scenes he shows up in, quite naturally, and he shows up in the end to bust Harley Quinn out and presumably set the stage for the two being the big bads of the next Batman film.

I liked the Joker, but I honestly wished the trailers didn't focus nearly 50% of its screentime on the Joker and seemingly build him up as the Big Bad.

The rest of the squad... El Diablo has the best-looking tattoos ever, and he's definitely the most interesting of the squad, and he just might be my favourite among them. Despite his scary name and his fire-shooting powers (other than the rogue Enchantress, Diablo's technically the only one with actual superpowers in the team) when Rick Flag and Waller recruit Diablo for the team, he's a huge pacifist and refuses to fight, and this gets called out several times by the other members of the squad, leading to Deadshot antagonizing the dude at a point in the movie to have him unleash his flames and, yeah, the movie shows off just how absolutely devastating fire-controlling can be. Diablo's later story that reveals just why he wants to go on a road to redemption, how he thinks he's better off dead and whatnot, which resulted in him accidentally burning down his family in a fit of rage, is told very well. It's a bit cliche, of course, but between how he acts and interacts with the other members of the squad I end up caring for him quite a bit. He's the biggest gun that the Squad had in the confrontation between the Suicide Squad and Incubus, and holy shit, unleashing all his flames looked really awesome especially when he transforms into that giant Aztec Ghost Rider thing. Of course, poor Diablo gets to be the only character (Slipknot doesn't count) of the Squad that dies. Which is quite effective, honestly.

Killer Croc looks great, gets introduced in quite a fun way, and he's absolutely fun. A brute like Killer Croc doesn't need a lot of sob stories and backstories, he's just a big crocodile man that goes around ripping abominations apart. Killer Croc gets very little lines, but what little he got were hilarious as all hell. "I'm beautiful." "I like her." "Y'all are just tourists." "Cable." It would've been a bit too much to sneak in a fourth sob story about how Killer Croc is ostracized and driven into being an ultraviolent cannibal due to his skin condition, I think, though they could've easily put it in. I dunno. I just loved Killer Croc, always have had, and I'm so happy he didn't die. He felt like the obvious choice out of the main Squad to bite the dust.

Captain Boomerang, like I mentioned above, only really exists to be the resident douchebag. Harley's crazy, Deadshot wants to assert control, but Captain Boomerang is just a douchebag. They didn't get to do too much with him other than that moment where he seemingly bolted when the neck-bombs are deactivated, but ended up returning for no reason. The Captain proves to be honestly quite average in combat, especially compared to other 'normal but skilled' fighters like Deadshot, Harley and Katana. I dunno. I just felt like he's a missed opportunity.

I talked about Katana already, and Slipknot, poor poor Slipknot, is obviously going to be the random unimportant character that dies ever since the promotional materials revealed the lineup. So yeah, no surprise that he got blown up real good. .

Amanda Waller might not be morbidly obese, but she definitely channels the ruthlessness of her comic book counterpart. While at first she just seems like a more fanatical and severe military leader who wants to fight fire with fire, her demonstration of how she forces Enchantress to do her bidding -- stabbing her disembodied heart to make her obey -- using Rick Flag to gain the trust and love of Enchantress's human host, and threatening to basically put dr. Moon in a drug-induced coma if Rick Flag steps out of line... and, y'know, the whole 'form a team of super-criminals with bombs that will blow their heads off, and blame them for any destruction caused'. It gets even worse from then on, though, when it's revealed that the Squad's first mission is to go into Midway City, where the Enchantress is wreaking havoc, not to stop the threat, but to rescue her.

And the biggest point against her favour? Murdering the entire room filled with her subordinates dead just because they might have learned too much. Waller gets shot down by Enchantress halfway through the movie, gets kinda mind-raped, she gets off scot-free in the only way that Amanda Waller can, basically puts the entire Suicide Squad back under arrest and presumably still under her employ (the ending leaves this ambiguous)... though apparently, y'know, causing a witch to create a magical superweapon and destroy half a city put her in enough trouble to get her to seek help from one Bruce Wayne. That was a weird but fun little stinger with her forming an unholy alliance with the Bat himself, noting with no uncertain terms that she definitely knows of Bruce Wayne's secret nightly excursions.

Rick Flag, mr. soldier boy, is a character I loathed from the comics. He's a pretty generic soldier boy here, the good guy that exists to keep the Squad in line with the help of an Apple Watch that blows up their heads if they step out of line. The movie attempts to give him a bit of a character arc by having him end up disgusted with Waller's bullshit and sympathizing with Deadshot and the others, as well as the weird chemistry-less romance between him and June Moon, but ultimately Flag just felt really flat and more of a plot device than anything.

The main villain of the movie is the Enchantress, which isn't actually part of the Squad as initially advertised. She was supposed to be the first member, and we get a nice little backstory of this slightly-more-obscure DC character, where archaeologist June Moon accidentally unleashes an ancient creepy ghost-witch-spirit that possesses her, and causes her to transform into this absolutely creepy stringy-haired mud-covered glowy-eyed 6000-year-old witch with ambiguous teleportation and magical powers. The initial transformation in front of the bunch of military leaders is horrifying with Enchantress's hand sprouting out and flipping over, and prior to being transformed to her 'proper' form with that eyeball-crest-crown, she just felt like she walked out of a horror movie.

Unfortunately, though, we don't get to explore much about Enchantress's hatred against Amanda Waller for using her. Maybe if we had a couple of scenes showing Waller utilizing the Suicide Squad as an actual black ops team, and have the Enchantress hate being used as a weapon? But no, she's just this destructive demonic force that felt like a generic superhero villain dressed in a bikini, and right up until the end it's odd why the Enchantress felt such a need to toy around with Suicide Squad and attempt to make them her allies. Earlier in the movie we see her teleport, transform into smoke, use telekinetic powers, creating illusions, use her big magical weapon to lightning-bolt military bases and battleships into rubble, yet in the climax she spends half of it dancing in a ritual, before jumping in with two swords and just fighting in melee? She can teleport, but she can't stop the slo-mo bomb bag from being detonated in her weird magical weapon thing?

And of course we need a happy ending with the Enchantress demon dying and June Moon being freed. That felt kinda choppy, really, and I would rather have the climax be June Moon's persona briefly gaining control for the few seconds that the Squad needed to blow up her plot device.

Enchantress frees her brother, the even-lesser-known villain Incubus (who is the only character other than Diablo I'm not aware existed prior to this movie) who... is an oddly-designed CGI character that basically serves as a big brute in the fight against the Suicide Squad. He's got a couple of impressive scenes, and that scene where he just sprouts spiky metal tentacles and stabs the doctor and the security guard in the train station and just falls as a heap of writhing limbs into the train tracks is going to give me nightmares. Shame that his 'true' form looked hilariously bad. 

Oh, and Batman and, surprisingly enough, the Flash, make short appearances! Batman is just this figure in the background that apprehended both Deadshot and Harley Quinn (and is briefly mentioned in Croc's backstory), and we get a cool little car race scene between Batman and Joker. The movie definitely remedies some of the criticism leveled against the merrily-murdering-criminals Batman from BvS, showing him to be compassionate enough to not beat Deadshot to a pulp in front of his own daughter, and immediately diving into the water to fish out Harley Quinn instead of leaving her to drown. Flash gets a short cameo in full costume one-shotting Captain Boomerang in his intro.

Overall? I enjoyed myself in the movie though the third act definitely suffers a lot. The movie definitely had a great cast, but some pacing and plot revisions would've elevated this movie from the 6-7/10 range into the 8's and 9's. And giving Katana and Captain Boomerang something to do, plus using a less flat villain than the Enchantress, definitely would've made them a hell lot more relevant.

But I enjoyed it. It's not great, but it's good fun and better than BvS, that's for sure.

DC Easter Egg Corner:

I'll try not to list all the origins of the supervillains and concepts and stick to the Easter eggs for this one, or we'll be here all week.

• Deadshot's suit-and-hat getup that he was using while out in town with his daughter before Batman arrests him was actually Deadshot's original look in his very first Silver Age appearance, before his second one gave him the look we're familiar with now.
• Harley Quinn's original jester costume from Batman: the Animated Series make several appearances, first in a flashback where she's dancing with the Joker in it (a homage to a famous Alex Ross cover) and second as part of the equipment that was brought out for them. Her mallet, which is her signature weapon in the cartoon and several other adaptations, was briefly picked up and waved around as well. Her "Mister J" and "Puddin" catchphrases also make a return from TAS. 
• Midway City is traditionally the hometown of the superheroes Hawkman and Hawkgirl.
• The ACE Chemicals building is seen several times in the movie, and during her flashback Joker gets Harley to jump into a vat of ACE chemical acid. While not mentioned anywhere in the movie, being dropped into a vat of ACE chemicals is what bleached the Joker's skin and hair in his traditional origin story. The scene where Harley freefalls down into a pool of the goo is inspired by a scene in the New 52 rebooted comics, Joker pushed Harley into a vat of ACE chemicals to bleach her skin. New 52 Joker isn't nice enough to jump in afterwards or give Harley any sort of say in the matter, unlike this movie's Joker. 
• Captain Boomerang fooling Slipknot into escaping just to test out whether the bombs are real is lifted from the original Suicide Squad run where Boomer did exactly the same thing, though Slipknot loses an arm in the comic instead of his head.
• Joker's henchman, Jonny Frost, as well as Harley Quinn posing as a stripper in a bar and causing the death of one of Joker's lieutenant after the Clown Prince of Crime is broken out of jail, are references to the dark one-shot graphic novel Joker.
• Harley Quinn's intro card has the text 'accomplice in the murder of Robin', which references how Joker murdered the second Robin, Jason Todd. Not sure which Robin gets killed in the DC movie universe, but we did see Robin's costume in the batcave in Batman vs Superman. 
• In addition to Batman and Flash's short appearances in the movie, in the dossier that Waller gives to Bruce Wayne we get a brief glimpse of Aquaman. 
• Waller's speech about Superman tearing off the roof of the White House is probably a reference to Superman II, where it was General Zod who did that exact thing.
• The John F. Ostrander building where the Squad goes to rescue Waller is a reference to the author who revamped the Suicide Squad into a black ops team of unwilling villains ran by Waller.
• Actor Ted Whittall, who played Rick Flag in Smallville, shows up as a cameo as a random military dude during Amanda Waller's presentation.

Pokemon Top Tens: Best and Worst of Generation II

What it says on the title. This time we're taking a crack at Generation II.

Previous lists: Best & Worst Mega Evolutions; Least Favourite Pokemon; Generation I

I didn't play a lot of Generation II when it came out. I played the game up until like slightly before Ecruteak, and then eye problems caused my Game Boy to be kind of relegated to the side. And I didn't have massive posters with the names and types of all the Pokemon the way that I did with the first generation, so it's actually not until much later that I am aware of some of the Pokemon from Generation II that didn't show up a lot in the anime and manga. It's not until much later, when I played Generation III, that I knew of the relationship between some of the Pokemon. Who would've thought Gloom could evolve into Bellossom? Or that Tyrogue is the pre-evolution of the three Hitmons? And while the other baby Pokemon were obvious, Smoochum being related to Jynx was a surprise. Crobat, Scizor, Steelix and Politoed being evolutions of generation I Pokemon is also news to me, but those are far more welcome news because they looked like they were related to previous Pokemon, I just didn't expect them to be straight-up evolutions. Because I was a kid and I was of the mentality of 'hey, if they didn't stand side-by-side in the Pokedex, they don't evolve into each other!'

But I did play through Generation II. A lot of times on emulators and once on my old Game Boy.

Generation II was okay, I guess. It was kind of a bridge between I and III, where the graphics were still 'like I, but better', the map was so much larger, the typings and whatnot were more balanced with Dark and Steel types being thrown in... they were still really trying to figure out how to make these sequels to Pokemon games, and with the second generation there is a distinct feel of being a sequel to the first generation, a feeling that none of the other more standalone generations had. The pool of Pokemon wasn't that impressive, only amounting to a hundred, which is I think the second-least amount of Pokemon introduced in a generation. It makes sense, though, since Generation II's wildlife mirrored so much of Generation I, so the early bugs are still Caterpies and Weedles, the local ghost is still Gastly, while Rattatas and Pidgeys still plague the early routes... Generation II felt like an expansion pack more than anything, and the fact that so much of the Generation II Pokemon felt like Easter Eggs that barely got any highlight... poor dudes like Gligar, Dunsparce, Misdreavus, Sneasel, Skarmory and a whole ton of others really didn't get a chance to shine, being ultra-rare encounters on specific routes that didn't get the highlight that they deserve. Fortunately later generations were extremely kind to the second generation.

But enough rambling, let's go with the list!

#10: Suicune
Bringing up number ten is Suicune, the legendary beast of water. As time went by, my opinion of the three legendary cats dogs beasts of Johto has plummeted quite a bit, because they look kind of overdesigned. Yeah, I get that they're going for the regal oriental guardian beast look with them, but they honestly look slightly messy. Pokemon Adventures, that really great Pokemon manga, tries its best to make Raikou, Entei and Suicune look cool by turning Raikou's weird mane into something that can expand into an actual thundercloud, and giving Suicune, easily the coolest of the three, a ginormous role in it. I'm not a big fan of Entei's face, and while being a saber-toothed tiger is cool Raikou kind of is a bit meh to me from a design standpoint, with so many colours lobbed in. The most cohesive design I think is Suicune, with the purple mane and the light blue lupine body working well with each other, that huge crystal on his forehead and those... weird... whip-ribbon tail things? Yeah, Suicune looks cool but nearly twenty years after the fact and his design kinda still doesn't make sense.

I don't care, though. Suicune was the mascot of Pokemon Crystal, which was the version I played, he was a great character in the manga, and he was cool in his short role in the fourth Pokemon movie. Plus I had a pretty sweet-looking limited edition trading card of the dude I got form buying a booster pack box or something.

#9: Scizor
Now I've always thought that Scyther and his sleeker, more raptor-esque design and his scythe-arms and his long locust wings looked cooler than his evolution, Scizor. But as the years went by, holy shit, I've definitely fallen in love with this red metal bug-man. There's honestly nothing to it beyond him being cool and powerful as fuck (even if being flicked with anything resembling fire is going to make Scizor spontaneously combust into cinders and die) that put him on the list. I've used a Scizor a grand total of once as a party member in my playthroughs, but man I love the fucker. He's cool. From the red metal sheen to the almost robotic look to the two giant pincers... Scizor was actually apparently supposed to be Scyther's rival-counterpart thing in Generation I, as I understand it, so we would have the classic stag beetle/rhinoceros beetle relationship with Pinsir and Heracross (also cut from Gen I), while Scyther and Scizor would be these more humanoid bugs... but no, Scizor and Heracross had to be cut out because we needed room for trash like Jynx and Hypno.



#8: Celebi 
Now I generally don't like the 'pixie' legendaries in Pokemon. I sorta don't mind Jirachi and Mew, but I suspect that's owing more to watching their movies a lot of times, and having their TCGs as kids. I also hold an inordinate love for Victini... and I honestly can't tell you why, because I still think his weird V-ear thing and his stupid puffy leg-wings look stupid, but I kinda like the bugger. But I absolutely loathed Meloetta, the Sinnoh lake trio are the most boring legendaries in the franchise, and I forgot Manaphy exists like, every time. But Celebi? Celebi I loved. Again, it might be because of the fourth Pokemon movie, and her being a huge plot device in the manga, but I've always liked Celebi's design a lot. She's just this simple-looking forest fairy with, yeah, a bit of an onion-head and pixie wings, but her time-travel and forest-healing powers are cool. I like these Pokemon who's associated with a powerful element like time without ridiculously hyping it up like "GOD OF TIME" Dialga. Celebi's a Grass-Psychic, which was a cool yet sadly impractical typing. But she rocks the typing hard and puts on a much better show than Mr. High-on-drugs Exeggutor. I was a bit bummed because out of all the pixie legendaries I thought Celebi was going to get the Fairy type, but I guess they didn't wanna change Pokemon with established dual-types.

Putting both Suicune and Celebi on this list kinda makes it look like I like the fourth Pokemon movie a lot, huh? I don't like it that much... I think my favourite Pokemon movie are the Jirachi and Giratina/Darkrai ones, but it's definitely one of the fonder things I remembered from the second generation period. And, well, like Suicune, I actually had a Dark Celebi card that kicks all sorts of ass in my short-lived TCG period. And I was like super-happy to get a little Celebi from the Pokemon Bank! Keeping some Pokemon exclusive to events is absolutely aggravating for someone who doesn't live in the US, UK or Japan, but man, finally after so many years I got myself a little time-travelling onion fairy.


#7: Sneasel
Oh man, Sneasel is a cool dude. He's just... cool. I was a bit surprised to learn in Generation III that he was part-Ice instead of just being a pure Dark-type, but man, I loved Sneasel. It's 100% thanks to the Pokemon Adventures manga that had Sneasel be the signature Pokemon of the resident jackass rival, Silver, but holy shit Sneasel is cool! From his asymmetrical ear designs to his claw-arms to his just lithe, assassin-esque look and him being the coolest weasel in the world... Sneasel is just one of those designs that strikes the perfect balance between simpe and complicated and looking absolutely great. She's a wee bit too frail for my tastes, but hey.


#6: Skarmory
Skarmory is a thing I didn't realize exist until Generation III because he's a very rare encounter in one very specific route in Generation II and not a single trainer used him in the game despite the game having Steel-type and Flying-type gyms, what the hell. How can you design something as kickass as Skarmory and not feature him more? Skarmory looks awesome. His design is honestly quite simple too, he's literally just a vulture made up of metal blades. His face-beak is blades, his wings are blades, his tail is blade-like, his claws look like they can tear off your face... Skarmory just looks like it's gonna fuck you up, yet being made up of steel also gives it an impression of durability, so it's not gonna fall easily like your frail Alakazams.

In practice Skarmory's honestly not that impressive. The bugger's hard to find and a bit hard to catch, but I raised a lot of Skarmories during my playthroughs of Generation III. He's... honestly not that good in battle other than looking cool as all hell. Man, this thing really craves for an evolution or a mega-evolution that can make it kick ass. How the hell did freaking Aipom get considered for an evolution and not Skarmory?


#5: Houndoom
I'm a dog person. Always have, always will. I absolutely adore dogs, but there was a distinct lack of a proper dog Pokemon in Generation I. The Eeveelutions were more fox-like than dogs, and had a lot of feline features thrown in. There was Growlithe, I suppose, but that felt more like a crossbreed between a lion and a dog. Then come Generation II, and we got the ugly-cute humanoid bulldog Snubull... and we got a motherfucking devil hound straight out of hell. Houndoom.

I'm surprised they actually got away with this thing considering how 'omg Pikachu is Satan' silliness that a lot of people were freaking out about. But man, Houndoom is awesome. He's literally just the fiercest, coolest doberman you can find, with devil horns, a devil tail and some bone ornaments stuck on his body and legs for good measure. Houndoom is insanely cool-looking. And of course despite falling in love with the thing the moment I saw a Houndoom in I think the manga first... Houndoom was nowhere to be found other than like the second-last area of the post game or something. Damn it, Generation II! Later generations were a bit kinder by letting Houndours spawn a bit earlier, but the sheer prevalence of other Dark and Fire types kind of stifle out the appeal of Houndoom. I still love him, though. He got an honestly kinda-underwhelming Mega Evolution in Generation VI, but damn if he doesn't look boss as fuck.


#4: Azumarill
Azumarill is a Pokemon I didn't give a shit about until Generation VI, where it inexplicably gains Fairy as a second typing over a lot of other more obvious candidates. Azumarill's most prominent role in the games was actually in Generation III, where Azurills and Marills were... well, not quite everywhere, but quite prominent in the third-to-sixth-gym stretch. I didn't really remember seeing a lot of them in Generation II, though the anime definitely loved Marill. But Azumarill's a cute design that still exudes some kind of durability, and Azumarill was actually the first competitive Pokemon I bred. Yeah, a Belly Drumming physical Azumarill that then proceeds to wreck house with Aqua Jet and Play Rough is practically impossible to murder and hits hard, fast and bombs down half of your enemy's party with her insane coverage, but man, I loved my Azumarill, which was the result of breeding two boxes' worth of Marills to get that nature and IV. (Her name's Ashley.)

She's kinda derpy looking, but she will fuck you up.


#3: Cyndaquil
Cyndaquil is the cutest starter and that was 100% the reason to why I picked him. Chikorita and Totodile aren't exactly bad, but I kinda didn't like Chikorita that much for trying too hard to be cute... and that's saying something, considering that she's a dinosaur and little-me loved dinosaurs. Totodile's another cute one but back then I didn't like Feraligatr too much. But Cyndaquil? Look at the cute little buddy! Look at this cute little... um... mouse? Anteater? Porcupine? He's a little baby rodent-thing with stubby arms and eyes that can't open and his back is on fire! He's just precious. I like Typhlosion too, but compared to all the other starter Pokemon I've picked over the six generations he's definitely outclassed in design and performance compared to my Venusaurs, Swamperts, Blazikens and Torterras. Typhlosion will always hold a special place in my heart, but moreso than him is Cyndaquil, my precious little flame mouse.

#2: Espeon
I just said that I hate cats like two entries above, but Espeon is an exception. If not for number one below, she would be definitely my favourite Generation II Pokemon and by a huge, huge margin. I absolutely loved the concept of Eevee and the Eeveelutions, but the reason they weren't in the Top Ten Generation I list is simply because, well, I loved the others more. And besides, my Eevees spend like three levels as a pampered Eevee before being turned into an Espeon. I mean, yeah, I don't think there's a single Eeveelution that I actually actively hate. Jolteon, Vaporeon, Flareon, Umbreon, Glaceon, Leafeon, Sylveon... they're all cool in their own way. But Espeon? Espeon's my faovurite. He's just so regal. He just screams 'psychic' without looking too obvious about it. He was introduced during a generation that introduced friendship evolution, and as a child that was extremely appealing -- wow, my Pokemon loved me so much that it evolved into a more powerful one! Yeah, Espeon's weird two-pronged tail is kinda odd, but his purple coloration to her regal pose to that red gem on his forehead to the very cool-looking face... And Espeon is a pure psychic and she's outdone by, well, Alakazam, Reuniclus, Gothitelle, pre-Fairy-Gardevoir, Mewtwo, et cetera, et cetera. I don't care. Espeon was the one I journey throughout Johto and Sinnoh with, and he was the second most-powerful member of my team during my very long Platinum playthrough, being an absolute bro and just wiping out everything in his path. My Espeon does really only two things: Psychic and Shadow Ball, and the odd Signal Beam or two, but he does them all with the strength of a truck and he's part of the Platinum team that I've grown very, very attached to, what with being the first team I raised to 100 and everything.

My Espeon is such a bro that I ported him over from Platinum all the way to Y, and super-trained him properly so he's a monstrous psychic-shadow-ball-shooting Egyptian cat god. Yeah. I love Espeon. He's just this awesome psychic cat and I generally hate cats. Espeon is literally the only one exception in which I absolutely love.



Honourable mentions go to Typhlosion, Chikorita, Togepi, Sudowoodo, Sunkern, Wooper, Foretress, Tyranitar, Wobbufett and Ho-Oh.

#1: Crobat
Man, people give Zubat so much shit for being common. And yeah, Zubat can Supersonic you, but you're in a cave. A cave filled with bats makes sense... it's the Geodudes, Gravelers, Roggenrolas and Boldores that always pisses me off. And honestly I've always liked Zubat and Golbat, but it was Crobat that made me love the line very much. Crobat's purple, which is my favourite colour, and I initially thought he had a stupid face... but man, after getting to see a lot of Crobats both in fan art and in official work -- Anime!Brock and Manga!Janine had pretty cool Crobats -- I've grown to absolutely adore the dude. He's flapping around on four wings, all four of which can basically act like daggers when he uses things like Steel Wing or whatever. And it can still suck your blood and leave you to die. He's a bat! Bats are cool. Because Batman.

But for real, Crobat is another one of those things that evolve by friendship, and as a kid I've always thought that my little Zubat (I always catch the first Zubat I see and raise it up) loved me so much for being selected out of the swarm of faceless Zubats in the cave that everyone brushes off as annoying pests that it wants to grow stronger and stronger into a respectable Golbat and finally into this insanely powerful thing. Crobat is extremely frail, but it hits for respectable damage (Flying's great, and Poison isn't anything to laugh at now) and Crobat is insanely fast. Like, very, very fast. As of generation VI, only thirteen Pokemon can boast to have a speed faster than Crobat, and nearly all of those are either Mega Evolutions or alternate forms of Deoxys. The only 'base' Pokemon to be faster than Crobat are Electrode, Acelgor and Ninjask. That's right, not even the mighty Mewtwo or Arceus can outspeed Crobat! Yeah, he's frail as no one's business, but that doesn't matter when he swoops in and slits your throat with a Cross Poison.

I've always loved Crobat. I used one sometimes in my Gen III days and loved him, but it was in Generation IV where my Crobat, Nightwing, was an absolute monster that wrecked everything in its path. And since then I've made it a point to always, always include a Crobat in every single team I play, even when I went and played Generations II and III on emulators. Crobat's a bro. (All my Crobats are inevitably named after Batman-related names)

And here are my top five least faves:


#5: Stantler
Yeah, this weird-ass deer is just... weird. It's one of those obscure non-evolving Generation II Pokemon that only shows up in a single route. It looked like it had something going on with it because the anime had him be able to create illusions or whatever with those weird eye-shaped antler things, but as it turns out... Stantler's just a very, very boring Normal type. He doesn't even look cool or have insane amounts of stats like Chansey, Miltank or Tauros, or have a gimmick like Ditto or Porygon. Stantler is just... there. And he looks ugly and uncreative. Even early-route rats can get their movesets boosted by TM's. Stantler? Is just there. And he's bad. Other super-rare yet useless normals like Dunsparce at least has a weird enough design to be fun and memorable, but Stantler's just ugly.

#4: Hitmontop
The idea of a top Pokemon that goes around kicking people with razor-sharp legs is not the worst as far as Pokemon goes... I mean, I accepted that a half-dozen eggs have psychic powers and a hive mind and evolves into a three-headed, high-on-weed coconut tree. But Hitmontop is just... silly looking. If it was just its design I wouldn't put him on this list, but he doesn't even look like he could be a good Fighting-type that represents capoiera. And lumping him into the same group as Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee -- who look like they can kick ass -- really kind of makes me dislike him more. And honestly, Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee have names based on action movie actors, Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee. But Hitmontop? He's a top. Yeah.

Also making a Hitmontop for the Pokedex is a huge and utter pain in the ass, because you have to have equal Attack and Defense stats. It's ridiculously difficult especially in the earlier generations, and instead of getting cool-looking powerhouses like Hitmonchan or Hitmonlee, you get this... stupid thing that's a lot worse than the other two.


#3: Smoochum
Jynx has a baby. Now Smoochum isn't racist, but honestly her design just weird me out because it's so humanoid yet at the same time not at all. It's like what those creepy dolls from horror movies would look like in Pokemon. And the fact that it uses its mouth to just kiss and inspect everything... yeah. Smoochum is better than Jynx, but I still dislike her.


#2: Tyrogue
They needed to make a pre-evolution for Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan and Hitmontop. Okay, I respect that. Gotta have something to tie those weird two paired Pokemon that don't evolve into each other, and a branching Eevee-style pre-evolution kinda sorta works, even if choosing between three Fighting-types (okay, two, because who is going to pick Hitmontop) isn't as awesome as choosing between a fire, water and electric type... but did they have to make something as godawfully ugly as Tyrogue? From that weird deformed head, to those nipples, to the weird testicle-thighs, to the unflattering colour scheme... Tyrogue is absolutely ugly, absolutely useless and absolutely pointless. The point of Baby Pokemon, other than padding out the Pokedex, is to show us cute little things that help to add a bit of world-building to the franchise and the population of the Pokemon world. Tyrogue is just a little shit.

#1: Unown
I've talked about Unown at length in my Least Favourite Pokemon list, and I rank Unown as number four there, higher than Jynx or Hypno. What is the point of Unown? Really? The third movie hyped them all so much as this eldritch abominations from another dimension that take the place of the alphabet and have some weird wish-granting reality warping powers that allows it to create a motherfucking Entei out of nothing that is driven by the desires of its creator. The Ruins of Alph and all the other Unown ruins throughout the generations have had this aura of mystery around them. Solve a puzzle, unleash these odd creatures. And honestly they could've served as something. Collect all 25 alphabets and unlock a legendary or something. But they have nothing. They only learn Hidden Power, which is a move that literally every other Pokemon can learn via TM, and their stats are shit. Their design is lazy, they are pointless, and despite being hyped up as being a tentacle-less Cthulhu-esque thing, they end up being... well, weaker than a Rattata.

One Piece 835 Review: Soul Society

One Piece, Chapter 835: The Nation of Souls

Is One Piece ribbing Bleach with the whole 'nation of souls' thing? Like, Soul Society? Doubtful, really, but I find it really strange that the chapter about a nation of souls came out at the same week that Bleach is supposed to end. But hey.

Anyway, this chapter of One Piece is really introdumpy, but it reveals Big Mom's power at last, and it isn't some 'eat everything' Devil Fruit that a lot of people theorized when she first showed up in the manga, but rather the Soul Soul Fruit, which allows Big Mom to manifest these blob creatures that are apparently fragmentations of her soul, who then go around once every six months and asks everyone who lives in Big Mom's territory 'Leave or life?' upon which they then take a small portion of the person's soul if they choose 'life'... which allows Big Mom to use as she pleases. It's like a tax that takes out one-sixth of their lifespan, so they pay 2 months for every year they live in Big Mom's territory. That is why the plants and food and clouds and shit can talk and dance, they're brought to life by Big Mom stealing other people's souls... these dang warlocks! Big Mom's Soul Soul Fruit only allows the soul fragments to go and bring inanimate objects or animals to life, and that includes the crocodile and the rabbit knight we saw earlier in the Forest of Seducing. Who isn't someone who ate the Rabbit Rabbit Fruit or whatever. Also these soul-creation things are called 'Homies'. Just because.

It's kind of similar to Gekko Moriah's Kage Kage Fruit because of all the creation of disposable troops by stealing something from other people, but Moriah's fruit requires him to steal the Shadow and then put it into a corpse, and even then the shadow retains some of the ego from the original owner of the shadow, whereas Big Mom's Homies seem to be just... well, just things that run around and talk and dance and get eaten. 

Luffy meets up with the real Nami in front of Applejuice Giant (not really a giant, as this chapter shows) and we get a nice little flashback of Nami freeing herself from Brulee -- who ate the Mirror Mirror Fruit -- by whacking her with her clima tact. Carrot tries to do battle with Brulee, but she summons a mirror and after showing off your expected mirror-reflects-all-attacks skill, Brulee captures Carrot in the mirror itself. Y'know, like Alice Through the Looking-Glass? Chopper transforms into his monster point to fight off the swarm of Homies that assault them, allowing Nami to get away and regroup with Luffy.

Brulee monologues some information about Big Mom, telling Chopper (and us) that Big Mom is collecting all sorts of exotic beasts (what is it with the obsession of beasts between Kaidou and Big Mom?) and, of course, she's already aware of everything that the Straw Hats are doing throughout these past few chapters, and Big Mom's order was to toy around with the Straw Hats but not allow them to meet Sanji.

Applejuice Giant-dude was apparently a former husband of Big Mom, but before he can tell us more about his life story, the tenth son, Charlotte Cracker, who is this deformed gladiator-style dude, pulls Applejuice out and reveals that he's not a giant, he just has superdeformed features. Though he's still honestly quite big compared to Luffy and Nami. Applejuice is apparently the father of Chiffon (Capone's new wife) and... Lola.

Which, of course, is absolutely obvious the moment Chiffon was revealed to be affiliated with the Big Mom pirates, and has been a theory running rampant for like nearly five years now. It's nice to have some closure on that end, at least. Now whether this information will even affect Big Mom's stance on the Straw Hats at all beyond maybe 'yeah, you helped Lola, bugger off and be free' which they won't take because they will want Sanji and Jinbei to leave with them. 

I dunno. It's a slower chapter and very introdumpy, but it's still a decent read.