Pokemon: ALOHA EXEGGUTOR SAY WHAT

Okay, so here I am, about to type up a review for Nanatsu no Taizai, thinking that it's been a busy week and maybe that will be the only thing I do today when I saw this new trailer up on Youtube.

Yeah, Pokemon riding and new Gen-VII Pokemon and Totem Pokemon and Z-moves and I honestly cannot give a shit, because the very first thing revealed in that trailer is... Exeggutor. The utterly epic Hawaiian cousin of the Exeggutor we know and love. LOOK AT IT! I just evolved my Exeggcute in Pokemon Go last week and I went on record as saying that Exeggutor is one of those Pokemon that cannot possibly get any sillier. EXCEPT THAT IT DID!

LOOK AT THAT THING!

IT'S ALSO A DRAGON, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

IT'S A FUCKING DRAGON COCONUT TREE

WITH A FOURTH FACE ON ITS ASS

I love this thing. It's the stupidest design Pokemon has ever made. It's so utterly dumb-looking yet it's so happy to be dumb and alive. Like, holy shit, they literally just stretched normal Exeggutor up into the sky so it actually resembles an actual coconut tree, because the head and leaves are identical, and the lower body is still fatass. Oh, and it gets a tail. With a fourth face. Just because!

Also he's a fucking dragon. He's Grass/Dragon. Yeah, regular Charizard, Mega Charizard Y, Gyarados, Aerodactyl, regular Sceptile... none of you are as draconic as Alola Form Exeggutor.

It's not Exeggutor's evolution, or even his Mega-Evolution, but his Alola Form. Which is basically the form that all Exeggutors in the Alolan region will have. I don't think an Exeggutor that is transferred from the older games will immediately take this form, but only Exeggutors caught in Alola will be an awesome four-headed ass-faced coconut dragon, a more extreme version of Shellos and Gastrodon in Generation IV?

The other ones we saw from the trailer are honestly pretty mild compared to ALOLA EXEGGUTOR, which is the most epic thing that Generation VII has released. We've got an Ice-type Vulpix and an Ice/Fairy Ninetales which look absolutely gorgeous, holy shit, the artwork on Ninetales' tails... Ninetales is such an appropriate Pokemon to gain the Fairy-type, too. Sandshrew and Sandslash become Ice-Steel types, and Sandshrew has a cute widdle igloo hat. Sandslash just looks like the coolest thing ever, with ice-spikes and those killer-looking stab things. Man, and I thought Sandslash couldn't get cooler! Both Alola Ninetales and Alola Sandslash are unique, never-before seen typings (which I love) too, with Ninetales being the ultimate slayer of dragons. It will slay all your powerful dragons. Zekrom, Salamence, Dragonite, Reshiram, Rayquaza, Flygon, Hydreigon, and I guess New!Exeggutor... watch out!

As a side-note, is there a lot of icy regions in Hawaii? I was under the impression that Hawaii is more beach and volcanoes and stuff.

It almost seems unfair for me to kind of dismiss the Gen-VII Pokemon revealed in this trailer, and sounds like I'm being a bit of my Genwunner self but man, Grass-Dragon Exeggutor? Ice-Fairy Ninetales? Ice-Steel Sandslash?

Honestly the Gen-VII reveals we got in this trailer didn't really impress me, especially compared to dudes like Vikavolt, Mimikyu and Salandit that I really liked. Going through the new reveals quickly we have:

• Oricorio, which I think is my favourite out of the four/five new ones revealed in the trailer, is just so happy-looking, just a bird that dances. And it has four forms depending on the four island of Alola... there's a bit of a Darwinistic evolution joke going on in there somewhere. I'm not 100% sure if Oricorio can transform within her four forms or if it's going to be another Shellos/Gastrodon thing where if you catch a Pom-Pom Oricorio that's the form that she's going to take for the rest of her life. Pom-Pom Oricorio just looks so doofy yet so happy to be cheering for your squad. Depending on the type, there are Fire/Flying, Electric/Flying, Psychic/Flying and Ghost/Flying variants. I like the Pom-Pom and the, uh, kimono Psychic one.
• Minior, who looks like a 2D Metroid/Zelda enemy. He's a mine-meteor that upon being attacked cracks open to reveal the colourful core inside. It's a bit weird, but nothing too special, really. It's Rock/Flying, and it's kind of... eh. I don't hate it, which is basically my feeling about everything released in Generation VII at this point but it's not exactly super-exciting.
• Mudbray, a donkey pre-evolution of Mudsdale. We don't have a donkey yet and he's cool, but Mudsdale was just sorta there for me so I didn't really get that excited for Mudbray. A lot of people love Mudsdale, though, so I bet they'll like this.
• Fomantis & Lurantis, which I'm not entirely impressed about. They're... like these mantis-looking Pokemon which I traditionally love -- I loved Kricketune and Leavanny -- but I dunno. Fomantis looks cute as hell, and Lurantis looks... honestly a bit overdesigned, but not that much. But they're pure Grass-types! I don't wanna sound like an idiot, there might be some kind of super-sharp sickle grass thing that they're based upon. But I dunno. Making them Bug/Grass really felt like the logical choice, even if like poor Parasect demonstrates it's a pretty shitty type combination... I got it! Normally bugs mimic plants, but Lurantis and Fomantis are like reverse, they're plants that mimic bugs! A bit unconventional and honestly kind of odd, but it makes more sense in my head now. it's got an awesome Solar Blade attack or whatever? I dunno. It's cool.
• Gumshoos, Yungoos' evolution. And, holy shit, someone at Nintendo really wanted to make this thing look like Donald Trump. Yeah, I don't like this thing. It doesn't look that bad now, but I bet that he'll be everywhere... and I didn't hate Patrat and Watchog as much until I played through Black and White. Man, the last few early-route rodents have been shit, yeah? Watchog and Patrat were horrifyingly ugly, Bunnelby was cute but Diggersby is disgusting... they're going the same route with this, I think, where Yungoos was kinda cute but its evolution is just... blah.

There are some additional things there, of course. Some Totem Pokemon that can summon more Pokemon like a 2-on-1 boss battle, and some new human characters and a island challenge quest thing... I don't care? I mean, it's cool, but this trailer just revealed like 11 new Pokemon, one of which is ALOLA EXEGGUTOR. I guess the Z-moves look epic, like something out of a Naruto finisher move. I shrug at the concept -- basically Mega Evolution but for moves, you need an item and can only use it once -- I guess it's cool? I dunno, Mega Evolution made XY and ORAS such an easy game to breeze through. I don't want a super-duper hardcore game, but at least make it a bit challenging.

What I am excited about, though, is the Pokemon Riding thing. You can ride on a motherfucking Charizard! Also Mudsdale and Sharpedo, which are both cool, but the way the trailer showcases it seems to show that these aren't your Pokemon, but are service Pokemon you can apparently call on anywhere, a la the Eon Flute from ORAS which allows you to summon Latios/Latias even if they're not in your party? The trailer also shows Mudsdale and Sharpedo destroying things in their path, and can this mean, finally, the end of HMs? Instead of forcing Pokemon in your party to learn Cut or Fly or Surf or Flash or Waterfall or Rock Smash or Strength... of which only Surf and Waterfall are remotely useful, I've been asking why these hasn't been turned into items yet. They seem to want to keep the spirit of Pokemon helping to clear the obstacles, but not limit our moveslots with useless moves that cannot be deleted.

Hence, these ridable Pokemon. It's awesome. In a way it kinda bums me out -- I wouldn't mind having Fly and Surf at least stick around because one of the funnest aspects of the earlier games is having to structure your party so that you have to have a Flying-type and a Water-type... which I didn't mind. The Bibarel or Tentacruel that holds the other four TMs, though, I could do without.

This is awesome. Death to HM's!

And hail Alola Exeggutor!

I'm sorry. Taizai and Re: Zero will be up tomorrow. I"m busy geeking out.