Reviewing Magic: The Gathering #15 - Urza's Saga

So back last year I did reviews of Magic: The Gathering cards and sort of... fell off. And a huge reason about it is because of the Urza block. Urza's Saga, Urza's Destiny and Urza's Legacy all vaguely have a theme that surrounds the story of a master wizard, but honestly a huge reason why I did M:TG card reviews was to talk about the monsters and while the Phyrexians were cool there really weren't much to talk about in the Urza trilogy. Other things sort of got in the way, and... M:TG reviews sort of fell by the wayside.

Since 2019, though, I've had this huge draft that's just "The Urza Block" where I would take a crack and talk about just the monsters and whatnot, to eventually publish my monster review of all three sets in a single page before moving on to the next couple of expansions... but the Mercadian Masques, Nemesis and Prophecy trilogy doesn't have that much of a theme that tickle my fancy either. No wonder M:TG would later move on to far more heavily thematic sets later on!

But since we suddenly have a lot of... well, shall we say free time thanks to the whole global pandemic thing, I ended up having some time to write through some of my longer articles. And maybe it can help alleviate some of your boredom too when you read through these. I plan to at least churn out a fair bit of my longer 'reviewing monsters' articles this month and the next.

Do take note that while I try my best to edit these, the Urza block articles were initially written as a single entity, so if there are some inconsistencies in how I refer to the article, well... yeah.
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So the Urza Block, as usual in Magic: The Gathering, is comprised of three expansions: Urza's Saga; Urza's Legacy and Urza's Destiny. And it tells us all about Urza, one of the two great planeswalkers that caused a whole lot of events in the very first expansion with the very first Magic-original story, Antiquities. Urza showed up in the final moments of the Rath block, alerted to the incoming Phyrexian invasion. These three expansions essentially give a backstory to the Legacy artifacts, as well as the fact that apparently Urza is behind everything. He fought the Phyrexians for the many, many years between Antiquities and the Rath block, he created the Skyship Weatherlight, he created Karn, and he's basically been fighting sort of an unseen battle as he uses his newfound Planeswalker ability to move from plane to plane. The full story of Urza's storyline is told in four novels: The Brohters' War; Planeswalker; Time Streams and Bloodlines. Most importantly, I think this was the block that really hammered home the theme of Planeswalkers.

Also, apparently according to the M:TG Wiki, this is one of the most 'broken' of the sets, with such a huge power-creep among the cards here? Figures it's the expansions with a theme I don't particularly care about that ends up being one of the most relevant.

• Click here for the previous part, Exodus.
• Click here for the next part, Urza's Legacy.
• Click here for the index.

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We're going to start off with the 350-card expansion, Urza's Saga... and honestly, the only vaguely interesting card in White from this set is Serra Avatar. A representation of the great angel Serra (whose name has been a recurring adjective for angelic beings), Serra Avatar presumably shows off the form that Serra takes to interact with mortals or something. Serra and her plane is one of the major locales seen in the storyline, so... yep! Her avatar looks a lot less angelic, though, and looks more like an extra a samurai or a ninja or something. I do like that Serra Avatar really makes playing her feel like you are playing as Serra, since the Avatar is as powerful as you are at the moment, and being a representation of your soul or something, it can't be sent to the graveyard.

We've got Barrin, Master Wizard, a legendary creature and someone whose name has popped up every now and then in previous past cards. Barrin is the headmaster of the Tolarian mage academy (one that has definitely shown up a lot before), and he and Urza ended up basically trying to time-travel to the past and try to prevent the proto-Phyrexian civilization from, well, becoming the Phyrexians. He sure is a wizard dude! I really don't have much to say here. We've seen so many wizard dudes that I really kinda wished they had gone for somewhat unique designs, y'know? Not even in a "give me more non-human fantasy races" way, give him... I dunno, more interesting clothing or a funky staff or something.


Oh, shit, I really do like these two merfolks. Taking a page out of the Rath cycle's block, we get another series of monstrous Merfolk, in a completely different way compared to Rath's more tentacle-y, deep-see-anglerfish aesthetic. The Coral Merfolk and Sandbar Merfolk are ganglier, have these elongated heads, very long eel-like tails, a pretty majestic tail, and a very cool set of fins that look like arm-blades. Not the most unique water monster for sure, but definitely a neat variation of the merfolk!

I really do like the Coral Merfolk's artwork showing a parent merfolk basically carrying her young, showing that despite their more monstrous appearance, they're not particularly evil folk! The Sandbar Merfolk, meanwhile, has a pretty neat-looking set of squiggly swords and a generally dynamic pose of bursting out of underwater sand.


I'm not sure why I like the fact that they included a Horseshoe Crab as a Blue monster. I'm also not sure why I find the Horseshoe Crab, which is just a single Horseshoe Crab, so much more funny than the other 300+ cards in Urza's Saga. I do really like the flavour text, too, and apparently, being a 1/3 creature, it's canon in Magic: The Gathering that a single, mundane Horseshoe Crab it at least three times more durable than a legendary wizard called Barrin.

Great Whale is pretty interesting in that it's not considered a 'leviathan' or a 'sea serpent' or anything fantastical, and is just straight-up a whale... but ook at that massive head with a fuck-ton of mean-looking teeth. It genuinely looks majestic and threatening, and I wonder if it's just an art of a cool sea monster that they slapped the moniker 'great whale' on, or if it's actually specifically meant to refer to prehistoric cetaeans like the Basilosaurus, which actually do have a dinosaur-like maw of teeth.


Imaginary Pet is a pretty interesting concept! Illusions are nothing new for Blue mana, but the fact that this is a cute little child imagining a giant, ghostly bear with weird teeth that apparently "followed me home".... it's really curious, yeah? What is the Imaginary Pet? It's certainly real enough to have 4/4 stats, so is the child, like, subconsciously creating a ghost bear buddy with the power of imagination? Is it like a JoJo Stand? Is it some random wild Illusion that actually did follow the kid home?

Somnophore is another one of those weird-ass one-off creatures with no flavour text and no real indication as to what this creature is. It's an 'illusion', and it's this weird floating four-armed green thing with a vaguely pig-like fact and a stick. The 'somno' bit seems to imply that it's related to sleep, but I'm not sure if it's created by the sleeping red-haired lady, or if it's created by someone else and it's causing the red-haired lady to fall asleep. Pretty bizarre!


Zephid is such a bizarre-looking creature, and, well, is another one of those things that is right up my alley as such a weird-looking and fascinating creature. It's another 'illusion', and I absolutely adore the flavour text for this one. "Once you've seen one, you'll understand why spells won't go near them." Unlike other 'hexproof' creatures, the Zephid isn't just simply immune to spells, but rather it's look that's so alien that spells somehow actively avoid it. And just look at this Zephid! It looks so bizarre, having two pairs of weird-ass wings, a head that's a combination of insect and dragon, multiple sets of legs, and a somewhat metallic-looking sheen to all of it. Pretty wacky design!

Show and Tell is here because I really do like the artwork. One of the themes for Blue in Urza's Saga is the Tolarian wizard academy, but "Show and Tell" is probably one of the few academy-related cards that has any personality beyond a sterile "a wizard is teaching spells while pointing at a blackboard". From the main wizard who's overwhelmed with whatever eyeball-tentacle-slug creature that's bursting out of his backpack, to the bloody mass of flesh on the desk to the left of the picture, to all the other students in the background holding their own grisly, bizarre packages... I mean, this is a world with Zephids in it, small wonder that the show-and-tell at a mage's school would be so wacky.


Blood Vassal is another Thrull, and the last one we'll see for a while. What a positively wretched looking thing, with exposed, disorderly ribcages, a deformed, tiny arm, and a skully face tucked under that massive hunchback. Throw in a bunch of ropes that seem to be the only thing holding the Blood Vassal's arms in place, and you really get the feeling that this hideous creature is quite literally created and bred to be a disposable mana source. Poor thrulls!

Mana Leech is more like a slug, honestly, but I do really like the concept that this is a creature that apparently leeches out the mana from a certain area. The concept of the Land cards is that each turn, the lands generate mana for the wizard to draw upon, but the Mana Leeches just shut down a segment of the lands your enemy controls. I do really like just how icky it looks, like, there's so many random blobs, greebles and tentacles on this thing's body.


And here we throw ourselves wholeheartedly into the horror of Phryexia. We did see Volrath, who is a Phyrexian agent, and his plane of Rath, but most of Volrath's minions tend to be goblins and shapeshifters, and there's a distinct lack of hideous cyborg abominations. Well, we've got Hollow Dogs, which look both mechanized but also clearly has the anatomy of a dog skeleton. It's relatively mundane, as far as Phyrexian critters go, but I do like a lot of the details on this thing. Those weird yellow anemone-like growths, the weird tubes, and the dog skulls are pretty neat.

Abyssal Horror is... it's got a lot of things going on. The more I look at this picture, the more fun it becomes. The thing that draws you the most to it is the fact that that white thing at the center of its chest-head is actually the stretched apart face that it collects from its victim, stretched into a grin because it doesn't have a face of its own. So does that mean that the weird set of spiky growths are its true 'face'? Then you look even closer and it's holding a mask, its shoulders hvae a bird's head and a crocodile head, it's got a weird little ring-fetish with what I think is an eyeball, and it's got a beetle hanging off of a string like a keychain. There's a lot of things going on here!


Spined Fluke is such an interestingly large creature for a fluke, which tends to be parasitic in nature. And here it looms and goops over the skeleton of what I think is meant to be a Hollow Dog (we'll meet those below) as it snarls with its massive, giant lamprey mouth and showing off its porcupine spikes. Shit, you even have to sacrifice a creature to get the fluke to come to play, implying that the Spined Fluke probably does a chestburster-style "kill the host" as it enters combat. Pretty neat, and it's classified not as a worm, but a 'horror'. Y'know, the tribe associated with the monstrous, reason-defying eldritch abominations? Yet apparently, its main purpose is apparently to have its spines harvested for writing quills.

Dark Hatchling seems to be another sort of parasite, although it doesn't always destroy one of your creatures. Sometimes it bursts out of your opponent's creatures! And it's a far more elaborate 'horror' than the fluke, with a grosser-looking maw that wouldn't be out of place with the Zerg, and with massive bat wings and a spooky green aura as it flies out of that poor dude's mouth like some sort of ghost.


And here we have the Skirges, Phyrexia's answer to Imps. They're going to be a bit of a running theme, and I absolutely love just how nasty they look. They have a humanoid body with wings, and random cyborg parts and metal claws, but most distinct is the unique shape of their heads, with the creepy completely-white eyes placed on the extreme sides of their elongated heads, and their fanged mouths opening vertically. Crazed Skirge and Skirge Familiar are the ones that give us the best look at these creatures as a whole, and, man, they look nasty, huh? Apparently, just for an extra bit of hilarious over-the-top gore, the Phyrexians use Skirges as couriers and inscribe the messages on these little critter's sides.


Ravenous Skirge and Skiterring Skirge both show off Skirges in more dynamic postures, and I do like Ravenous's "I'm going to eat your FUCKING FACE" pose. I kinda wished that there is a bit more variation in the Skirge sub-types, though, in the same way that we got with the Slivers... but eh, I don't mind it. Pretty neat and creepy imp creature for sure.


And here we go to even more nasty-looking techno-organic monstrosities, and I honestly really do love the genuinely over-the-top gore that these artists utilize in these creatures. They look like they had fun! The Flesh Reaver makes me think like it's perhaps a 'basic' infantry unit of sorts, looking kind of like an AT-ST Chicken-Walker from Star Wars, with an anatomy that's basically just a cephalothorax with two chicken feet. Of course, this thing is flayed and all its anatomy is just bone and flesh. Its flavour text tells us that those weird smokestack like structures on its but "spit a highly corrosive cloud of filth". Not only is this a horrifying flesh-and-bones chicken with tooth like a lion, it also shoots your face with a cloud of shit!

Witch Engine is one of the weirdest horrors from this expansion, and apparently this weird thing shows up a lot in the backgrounds of a fair amount of Urza's Saga Black cards, making me think that the Witch Engine might be some sort of mass-produced Phyrexian model. And what a bizarre looking creature! It's got a bizarre plague mask bird head going on, a whole lot of spiky hair, and insanely gangly bony limbs. The way those legs and spine are bent really make this creature look even more unnatural, even if the end result does look like kind of a chicken with gangly skeletal limbs. I like this one. It looks so bizarre.


The Order of Yawgmoth, at first glance, just looks like a generic metal-man with a scythe. But the more I look at it, the weirder it looks. It's got what reminds me of a gothic graveyard spiky wall on its back, its robotic limbs are so bizarrely skeletal, and I'm not sure if its "face" is the yawning hole at the center of its chest, or whatever that bizarre, robotic little beady-eye on top of it. Pretty neat!

Phyrexian Ghoul sort of reminds me of the Carnophage, but clearly a lot more fucked up and a lot less wacky with more anatomically-plausible teeth. I do love the details on the weird vein/wires on its lower arms and trailing down its skull from its eyes. Apparently, Phyrexia's "food chain" exists. And, well, the Phryexian Ghoul really sort of exemplifies the whole "body horror, but with machines" flavour of Phyrexia as a whole, huh?


Sanguine Guard is... it's a thing. What is this thing? It is just a massive blob with two giant arms made up of knives, with a mask of a screaming baby acting as its face? The more I look at the Sanguine Guard, the less I understand what's going on, but it sure looks neat!

Vebuild is perhaps one of the creatures in this expansion that really sell the idea of a techno-organic horror. It's just a mass of cysts and tumours that sort of resemble a giant, mutated liver, with a string of entrails (the gall bladder equivalent?) hanging down its bottom, all the while supported with three spindly robotic legs that really shouldn't be able to logically support such a gigantic mass of tumours. Apparently, the Vebuild just grows and grows every turn, but dies at the end of combat, so presumably it just... explodes after growing and growing? Like some sort of hideous suicide bomb? Well, that dude in the foreground sure is trying to whack it with his mace.


Crater Hellion is another Hellion, which I think we briefly see in the Rath block. It still doesn't have the Hellion 'type' and is still considered a generic beast, but it's still pretty dang cool! Sure, it's another giant worm monster, but the combination of the Sarlacc mouth and the artwork of the magma solidifying into the rocky exterior of the Crater Hellion really ends up making this creature look so dang cool.

Electryte sounds like a bad Pokemon name, and I'm not sure what it's even doing. Apparently it's this weird isopod-like bug that latches on to people and, uh... electrocutes them? I do really like the little description of how the creatures of Shivan are apparently resistant to fire, so the creatures living there have evolved to adapt different weaponry. Like lightning. Death by lightning cockroach has to be pretty undignified.


We get a lot of goblins, and while they have all became a bit more serious thanks to the influence of the Rath block, we at least get a couple that's somewhat comical. Goblin Matron just has such a fun artwork of this old granny goblin holding a little goblin baby, and I really do hope that she's wondering whether to make 'one more' goblin baby (as the tutoring effect would imply), and not to make room in that stew pot for the baby she's holding.

Goblin War Buggy is so hilariously dumb looking that it looks like something out of Wacky Races or something. From that goblin that's 90% chin with a smug expressoin, with teeny-tiny stick arms and legs, and the sheer hilarity of how mismatched his war buggy is... hell, even his stupid lance is snapped in half! I love this thing. It's so bizarrely wacky and stupid.


Okk is apparently a very impressionable goblin. I assume Okk's the bigger, hulking goblin that's being scolded by his handler? Whatever the case, despite being a pretty large creature for his mana cost, Okk will only attack or defend if another more powerful creature also does so. RElatable.

Lightning Dragon is cool. It's just a very nasty-looking rabid dragon with an almost cluttered metallic texture to its scales, and it controls lightning! I guess this is where I make note of one of the themes of this set as far as card mechanics go, which is Echo -- you have to keep paying an 'echo' cost every turn to maintain this creature.


Scoria Wurm isn't our first wurm, but what a pretty artwork! From the neat shade of lava red reflected in the wurm's scales, to the fact that it apparently weaves around a bunch of metallic pipes, and that set of horrifying multi-layered gums and teeth... and apparently the Scoria Wurms "sing of times older than humanity", which is pretty spooky and haunting!

Vug Lizard is what you get when you cross-breed a giant lizard with a star-nosed mole. I like just how absurd this is, and how this wacky creature just sort of hangs around, burrowing through your enemy's mountains.


Green has a lot of Treefolk in this expansion, and they really gave us a lot of fun expressions and designs! I absolutely love Blanchwood Treefolk's serene expression as it essentially uproots itself and just crawls along like a bizarre crab creature on its roots. Meanwhile, Cradle Guard is a treefolk that remains rooted to the spot, whipping around its trunks and branches in unnatural ways as their tips sprout out into finger-like claws. I really do like it when artists take a bit more of a naturalistic look to tree monsters instead of just making them a human, but wooden.


Treefolk Seedlings look particularly tall for 'seedlings', yeah? I really love just how unfinished they seem to be, with those mismatched, vertical squinty eyes, a facial expression that looks a bit more confused and tortured, and the sheer lack of leaves. Hell, those 'hair' and 'arm' branches even look like weird newly-sprouted plants more than actual ancient trees, which I suppose is what they're going for.

The rest of the Green minions tended to veer more towards boring elves, but holy shit their mounts are awesome. The Acridian is this bizarre combination of a stick insect and some sort of gecko, with massive, bent legs that clasp onto giant trees, and they're massive creatures that just scuttle across the massive treetops of Yavimaya while the elven warriors ride them. I really do like they're not just straight-up a giant insect, either. They have a weird, almost fleshy texture to their arms, and their head looks particularly weird, like some sort of grazing creature.


Hawkeater Moth shouldn't be this interesting, but I do like just the fact that it's literally a giant moth that goes around eating hawks.

Sporogenesis is a boar being consumed alive by a bunch of mushrooms sprouting out of its head. Which is interesting enough, but this is also one of the first cards that finally re-introduced the Saproling mechanic, basically retconning the Saprolings from being a Thallid-specific mechanic from Fallen Empires into something that generic Green plant-or-fungus flavoured minion creation can do. In this case, when Sporogenesis is active, your creatures end up constantly being the target of a Saproling infestation.


Karn, Silver Golem! He's a legendary golem and the huge plot device character for much of the Urza and Weatherlight saga. Design-wise, he's... he's pretty simple, although I've always enjoyed how his face is portrayed. This is far from our last Karn card, and I do love that since the dude is pretty much a pacifist, even his effect involves him not dealing damage to anyone attacking him in exchange for better defenses. Also, it's able to basically bring other artifacts to life, which is neat!

Hopping Automaton is a chunky, 50's-B-sci-fi-movie robot monster, that apparently just chonk-chonk-chonk hops around with those weird-ass legs. Somehow, these things were "designed to carry equipment across rivers", because crafting a bouncing robot is what you do to transport things across rivers, instead of making a waterproof robot, or a bridge-making robot, or literally anything else.


And hey, a bunch of Phyrexian artifacts! Phyrexian Colossus is yet another one of the monstrous, techno-organic monster-creatures from Phyrexia, and I know I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I do really like their aesthetic even if it sort of blends together a bit. I love the huge background that looks like a giant brain, I love the weird formless face in the middle of that 'mask', and I love the cute little T-rex arms and the huge chicken legs. A pretty cool giant metal monstrosity!

Phyrexian Processor is presumably the sci-fi capsules with which the Phyrexians transform flesh-and-blood people into the half-robotic monstrosities. It straight-up 'processes' the life you give to it in order to create Phyrexian minions. From the artwork, I assume that the poor lady on the left is being tortured and essentially broken apart to create the Phyrexian 'clone' on the right side of the pod. The Phyrexians also have a Terminator-esque line of sleeper agents that look identical to humans, so this might be the creation of one.

As usual, the rest of the set will be after a break. This includes the story segment, and thanks to M:TG wiki for helping me out in that regard.

Gotta Review 'Em All, Part #38: Milcery to Eternatus

The final part of my coverage of Pokemon designs in both Generation VIII and as a whole for the foreseeable future! The future's uncertain, and whether Nintendo will pull another Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon and add Pokemon #891 onward in a hypothetical third game in the generation is up for speculation, or if we're jumping straight into Generation IX after this. Hopefully after they take a break and actually get a big enough team to make the huge large-scope game that they originally promised and clearly wanted to make.

This was originally split into two parts, with the fossils through legendaries on a single page... but I completely forgot that this generation had very little legendaries. I then slapped the non-Galar Gigantamax forms alongside the legendaries... but the resulting article still felt too short, and felt like it sort of wasn't the most ideal one, so I moved all the Gigantamax forms into that Obstagoon-to-Runerigus article so all the regional forms and Gigantamax forms are in the same place. Let's just say that this generation took a bit of shuffling around to make it feel really good. 

Still, overall this generation has been pretty dang great. I'm way too lazy to do the statistics myself to rank the generations against each other (or to figure out how to separate the scores for evolutionary families or members that debuted in other generations or whatever) but I'm pretty sure Generation VIII has a fair amount of designs that I like and love. 

Click here for the previous part. 

Click here for the next part, covering the DLC designs.

Click here for the index.

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#868-869: Milcery, Alcremie & Gigantamax Alcremie

• Types: Fairy [both]
• Japanese name: Mahomiru, Mahoippu
• Category: Cream [both]

Pokemon is a game that caters to as many subsets of fans of monsters out there, so for every extremely anthropomorphized humanoid animals like your Inteleons and Zeraoras, there's someone out there who likes references to real-life obscure weird animals (me), there's someone out there who really likes cute Pokemon that resemble foodstuff. Okay, then! Continuing a trend with Swirlix, Milcery is a pure-Fairy little blob of cream that looks like a baby-stage Digimon, just a cute little blob with a crown that looks like someone's splashing the cream, an adorable face and cute little nub-arms. The Sugimori artwork doesn't really do it justice and makes Milcery look kinda dull, but I do really like its in-game 3D model bouncing around that little dollop of cream across its horns. Milcery is noted to be born out of sweet-smelling particles in the air, making it sort of like, a sweetness-elemental or something? Milcery is apparently like a helper fairy in patisseries and restaurants, and in the game they show up in Cafes, presumably being able to produce non-living cream from their body. Hopefully, unlike Kingler, they don't get turned into human food in this region!


Milcery's claim to fame is how you evolve her to her final form, Alcremie, which is by making her hold a little item -- one of seven possible sweets, and then your character has to spin around. That doesn't mean that there are seven possible forms, however -- there are SIXTY, as this guide shows. The held decoration will swap out Alcremie's eye colour and 'hair' decorations, while just how you spin around determines the colour of Alcremie's body. The direction you spin your Milcery, the time of day, the length of time that you spin... this means that there's nine separate Alcremie body variations (vanilla, ruby, matcha, mint, lemon, salted, ruby swirl, caramel swirl, rainbow swirl). A lot of Alcremies to collect! And you thought Vivillon and Unown were reaching it with alternate forms! The Pokedex even gives some explanations for this, noting that this is caused by the "cells that compose its cream spontaneously shifting during evolution".

The sheer absurdity of this and the fact that you quite literally spin around unprocessed cream to make whipped cream is hilarious, and Alcremie herself is... a pretty cute humanoid dollop of whipped cream. It's not particularly innovative and would've been forgettable if not for the hilariously large amount of forms. Alcremie and Milcrey are one of those species that's 100% female for no real reason. Anyway, depending on your Alcremie base, they secrete different tasting cream and sweets. S'neat. 


Alcremie gets a Gigantamax form and it transforms into a giant wedding cake, which understandably only comes in a single variant -- it's all of the colours, after all! I do really love just how the 'real' Alcremie body is actually situated on the top of the whole thing like a cake topper, and how among the giant building-sized dragons and dinosaurs and general giant monsters, one of these mighty kaiju is a fucking cake. That's just glorious. Apparently Giga Alcremie produces a whole load of cream that hardens upon impact, which makes it, uh... cake lava or something? One of the dex entries insists that Giga Alcremie launches swarms of cream missiles, each of them "loaded with 100,000 kilocalories" that will "make your head swim". That's a gloriously goofy little description. 

Anyway, Milcery and Alcremie aren't my favourite designs from the region. They're all right, but like Wooloo and Nickit, they just feel that they're lacking a bit of an oomph, and the three dozen Alcremie variants ain't it. 

 3/6. 

#870: Falinks

• Types: Fighting
• Japanese name: Tairetsu
• Category: Formation

Falinks is a Pokemon that you really need to see in the game to really appreciate. Initially appearing to be a long old-school-game segmented worm in the vein of 2D Zelda's Moldorms or Lanmolas, particularly when you see how its default sprite looks, they sort of weave in and out of little tunnels in the ground. And then you fight them and the two giant concentric bug-eyes move around to reveal that they're actually spike shields concealing the most adorable little set of glowing eyes inside a void of darkness, and what I thought was a long, segmented worm turns out to be five little chibi troopers with stumpy legs, little mohawks and tiny little shields they wave around. It's adorable, and I've always thought that actually trying to the 'colony organism' concept that Exeggcute is based on is a neat basis that Exeggcute doesn't really capitalize on that much. Falinks is a straight-up five-man phalanx of little buddies that function as a single Pokemon led by the 'Brass', the head Falinks with the fancier head gear and shields that can make fake worm-eyes. Honestly, just making it a worm or a colony organism alone isn't going to be super-interesting, neither is making a "squad of troopers" Pokemon that interesting, but the combination of the two has resulted in easily one of the more memorable designs in the region. 

Falinks is pure-Fighting, and he does have a neat self-buff move called "No Retreat", but I kinda wished they had given him something a bit more unique. Fighting/Steel, because he's got those shields? Fighting/Bug, since it pretends to be a worm? Not a huge complaint, though. Falinks is a creature that works pretty dang well conceptually, and while in-game we don't see actual stat-changes outside of the move No Retreat, the idea that these five boys can just swap out their strategy based on their formation is pretty dang neat. You'd think this is the Pokemon that Nintendo would give 60 different forms to. 

Anyway, Falinks is great. I love Falinks. They are a bunch of cute little buddies, and is easily one of the cutest and most adorable thing to come out of this generation. 

 4/6, could be a 5/6.

#871: Pincurchin

• Types: Electric
• Japanese name: Bachin'uni
• Category: Sea Urchin

Pincurchin is another single-stager out there, and everyone keeps being confused why this isn't a 'regional Pyukumuku'. They're completely different! Pyukumuku's a sea cucumber, and Pincurchin's a sea urchin! They're different sorts of echinoderms! One looks like a turd and spits out its innards, and the other has spikes! Pincurchin's kind of an interesting sea urchin, least of all the fact that it isn't even water-type, but is pure electric, joining the likes of Stunfisk, Inkay, Eelektross and Grapploct in being creatures that are based on aquatic life that apparently isn't aquatic. I guess it's meant to represent the stinging, burning sensation when you get stabbed by a sea urchin? It's a relatively simple design and I wouldn't be surprised to see something like this be a hazard enemy in like Mario or Zelda or Mega-Man or something, but I'm genuinely not sure why he has a butt for a mouth. Most sea urchins have like these tiny toothy jaws! The dex notes that just like real seaweed, Pincurchins feed on seaweed, and otherwise just talks about how its spines emit electric current. 

A solid design, and I've sort of had 'sea urchin' on my 'man I wish they made an Pokemon out of this animal'... and I guess I just sort of expected more? Pincurchin's neat for what it is, but considering how spoiled I was by how creative the past two regions were with their marine-based Pokemon, Pincurchin's just sort of there. 

 3/6, could be a 2/6.

#872-873: Snom & Frosmoth

• Types: Ice/Bug [both]
• Japanese name: Yukihami, Mosuno
• Category: Worm [Snom]; Frost Moth [Frosmoth]

While Falinks and Milcery and Sobble might be cute, everyone's darling in this generation, like Joltik three generations back, is the amazingly named Snom. A fat grub with little dot eyes and two fat lumpy mouth-parts, with its fat grub baby being encased with spiky ice, Snom is an adorable little grub baby, and you can clearly see both in the official art and the 3D model that Snom's real body is the white grub body, whereas the spiky ice bits are all generated from it. Any entomology fan would easily identify Snom as a neat homage to jewel caterpillars of the family Dalceridae, a group of moths well-known for having caterpillars that cover themselves with visually stunning gelatinous covering that resemble a coat of spikes. Except instead of translucent gel, Snom covers herself with ice! Real-world Dalceridae caterpillars don't actually use the stunning display as a warning that they're poisonous, but rather as a distraction. Predators like ants are actually repelled by the stickiness of the gelatinous covering, while larger predators like wasps go for the spiky projections instead of the caterpillar's main body. 

I do appreciate that Snom still manages to go full-in on the 'adorable' look instead of just copying its base animal and going for a pretty, colourful one -- and there's nothing wrong with that, but I do really like how much it ties in into Snom's own concept as an ice monster. Apparently Snom even disguises itself as an icicle with its little ice jacket! Snom's adorable. Just look at that face. 


Instead of going through the traditional caterpillar/cocoon/adult stage for most Lepidopterans, Snom joins the small club of Venonat and Larvesta in just going straight into its adult moth stage through some neat happiness evolution. Thanks to this game's mechanics, it means you have to play fetch with your Snom (who moves so slowly but looks so pleased when it brings the ball back) and feed it curry (Snom eats around three times as much as your player, which is accurate to how much food real-life caterpillars eat relative to their size). 

Eventually Snom evolves into the gorgeous Frosmoth, and one of my older articles in this site did talk about how a potential Bug/Ice Pokemon would probably draw from Gynaephora, a genus of Arctic-dwelling moths thematically, but instead of being dull-coloured like their real-life inspiration, Frosmoth is ice-themed! I do love just how chunky its center body is, like a person wrapped up in thick winter clothing, a neat exaggeration of how fluffy some moths can be -- and in Frosmoth's attack animations, we can see that the massive shawl does hide a bunch of bug legs within. Also a huge fan of her wings, which look like it's actually patterned and cut out of fabric. Also, while Snom eats a whole ton, just like many real-life moths and butterflies, Frosmoth only eats a teeny-tiny little spoonful. Frosmoth's massive antennae as well as its glorious eyelashes are a neat homage to how pretty moth antennae can be. It's a pretty cool ice moth critter, and while it's fragile as all hell it didn't stop me from using one on my team. Frosmoth's a pretty cool moth that goes for a completely different way to convey how a cool bug looks like, although Snom's a lot more memorable. 

 6/6.

#874: Stonjurner

• Types: Rock
• Japanese name: Ishihenjin
• Category: Big Rock

Yeah, this one's weird. It's a Pokemon based on the Stonehenge, and it's literally just a bunch of rocks arranged into the vague form of the Stonehenge with a bunch of cubical rocks slapped on as its crude arms, and a cartoon face drawn in. Okay? It's got a really weird-looking set of proportions, and judging by how it shifts around when it enters a battle, it tends to spend its time as a pile of rocks that unfolds into this bizarre long-leg-rock man form. Yet its lower-legs are the only ones covered with dirt? I dunno. Stonjurner's got a couple of interesting points in its dex entry. It delivers great kicks (of course), it likes to stand in grasslands to observe the sun, and once a year the Stonjurner gather together around to make a massive circle. And you'd think this would have something to do with... with something enigmatic, but I feel like Stonjurner is one of the most poorly-utilized Pokemon out there in the game -- the game has an area, Turffield City, where the city has such a neat point of "standing stones used to be here, there's a massive geoglyph and it's the Stonehenge equivalent in the Pokemon world" but Stonjurner isn't even mentioned or involved in any way, it's a version-exclusive rare encounter in some random icy mountain, and very few trainers in the game use it. It looks so weird and has such weird lore that I do hope that some piece of fiction, whether it be the anime or the Adventure manga would find something to do with Stonjurner, but otherwise it's just this bizarre looking anomaly that looks pretty out of place next to many of the other Pokemon. I don't hate it, but I sure don't like it.

 1/6.

#875: Eiscue

• Types: Ice
• Japanese name: Korippo
• Category: Penguin

We've had a penguin pokemon line in the past with Piplup, and we've had the arguably-not-a-penguin Delibird, and Eiscue is a new pure-Ice penguin. It's, uh... it's one of the weirder, goofier attempts at a Pokemon gimmick Pokemon's done in a long while, and I'm not a big fan. Eiscue's default form, "Ice face", is basically just a straight-up penguin with a gigantic ice cube with a bird face carved on it. And a weird looking antenna for some reason. Apparently it drifts around on the flow of ocean, which is a neat mental image, at least, and apparently that single strand of hair is, uh, a fishing line? Okay. Not a big fan. 

The extra form happens if Eiscue is hit with an attack that breaks its ice-cube face, revealing its utterly weird looking face underneath, known as the "Nice" face... or, in the English localization, the admittedly hilariously tacky sounding "NOICE", get it? 'Noice', 'no ice'? Anyway, the Pokedex notes that Noice form has a worried face that people likes, and that the hair somehow causes water to freeze around the head if it has something on its mind. A bizarre concept for sure, but I'm definitely not a fan of how the actual designs ended up being. It's not terrible, but it's just... it's sort of there, y'know? I'm not a big fan of the Noice form face, or the weird single strand of hair. I just don't like this one. I just find it bizarre, and for the longest time I debated giving it a 0/6.

 1/6, almost 0/6.

#876: Indeedee

• Types: Psychic/Normal
• Japanese name: Iessan
• Category: Emotion

Do we have enough of these "medic" style Pokemon like Chansey and Audino and Comfey to actually call it a trope like 'early bug' and 'early bird' and 'pseudo legendary' and whatnot? Because Indeedee is yet another single-stage, non-evolving Pokemon with a movepool that's vaguely centered around defensive and healing moves, but doesn't quite commit to it. Indeedee is a Normal/Psychic dual-type that has different appearances, stats and learnsets depending on the gender -- but unlike Volbeat/Illumise and the Nidorans, they still share the same Dex slot. Okay, then. As far as I can tell they're just generic humanoid creatures that are modeled more towards an occupation -- the male Indeedee is meant to be a butler, valet or waiter, and the female Indeedee is meant to be a maid or housekeeper. Which I suppose is sort of British-inspired, but it's not a concept that strikes me and they really don't do much with Indeedee other than have it show up in restaurants and Pokemon Centers and stuff. 

The dex gives both male and female Indeedee different lore. Basically both versions of Indeedee use their fluffy hair-horn things to detect the emotions of those aroud them and share feelings, and some of the dex entries imply that they feed on positive emotions which is why they so readily commit to manservant tasks in order to get high on the happy feelings that humans give out. S'kinda weird, and I won't lie, and while I won't be ranting about being 'offended' or 'enraged'... I'm just a wee bit skeeved out on the concept of a Pokemon whose whole deal is that "it's a servant". The rather explicit gender dimorphism based on human culture isn't helping either. Taking all of that away... and Indeedee's still a pretty boring design all around. I don't hate it, and at least it picks a different colour than a shade of pink for a 'healer' Pokemon... but like Eiscue, this is another one I very nearly gave a 0 score to. 

 1/6 teetering on 0.

#877: Morpeko

• Types: Electric/Dark
• Japanese name: Morupeko
• Category: Two-Sided

Our Pikachu clone this generation also doubles as our premiere Electric/Dark typing, and it's... it's a weird one to debut this typing on? Regular Morpeko's kind of charming if forgettable, with a neat set of colouration that's split in half, like Two-Face or Malekith in PIkachu form or something. It also apparently has literal pouches where it stores foods, which isn't super exciting but still kind of neat. Apparently, Morpeko uses its storage of food to both satiate its hunger and also to fuel its electricity generating organs... but because of this, it keeps getting hungry again and again. Based on its colouration, I guess it's a guinea pig? Or a marmot, based on its name? They are hungry, mean little bastards that also look cute, so I guess it fits for Morpeko's inspiration?

Which means it alternates between the happy-looking yellow Morpeko into the purple-and-black one with glowing red eyes, which looks a lot more cohesive, I feel, and that supposedly 'evil' face is still pretty adorable. The pokedex insists that this one is up to all sorts of 'evil deeds', but we're assuming this is more 'mess up your garden' sort of evil as opposed to 'slit people's throat in the night'. This "Hangry" (groan) mode doesn't really change anything, it's not a type change or stat change, and the only thing this affects is the typing of Morpeko's signature move Aura Wheel, which is electric-type when it's in regular mode and dark-type in hangry mode. Anyway, Morpeko's kinda neat, and has a bit more going on for him than Dedenne and Togedemaru.

 3/6.

#878-879: Cufant, Copperajah & Gigantamax Copperajah

• Types: Steel [Cufant]
• Japanese name: Zodo, Daiodo
• Category: Copperderm [both]

Taking the slot as being the first Generation VIII Pokemon you actually see in-game, Cufant is a cute adorable little elephant with tiny legs and a long trunk ending in a shovel-like shape with a cute little orange-and-dark-green colouration. It has all the hilarious awkwardness of what an elephant baby looks like and I love it. It's called the "copperderm" pokemon, and it's an elephant made entirely out of copper, I guess, because both Cufant and its evolution Copperajah are pure-Steel types. We've had elephant Pokemon before (the Phanpy line and Mamoswine, arguably), but Phanpy and Donphan are highly stylized and Mamoswine's, well, a mammoth-boar thing. It's neat that elephant fans finally have an elephant Pokemon that actually looks like a proper elephant. Cufant's neat, even if I really don't have much to say about it beyond that it's cute. I do like the little detail that Cufant's copper body becomes vibrant green in the rain, just like real copper ions. 


Cufant evolves into Copperajah, which is, uh... it's a very boxy elephant. From the shape of its body and its tusks, it's just hard edges and just looks so dang boxy, and I'm not sure if I like it all that much. I do like the little exaggeration of its trunk being like basically an excavator without actually straight-up being one, like it's some sort of organic appendage that had somehow evolved to shovel up things from the dirt, sort of like Diggersby's ears. I'm also a fan of the markings on its body, which honestly implies that Copperajah might be inspired less by elephants, and more by elephants in Indian artwork. Copperajah is noted to have arrived from another region (Poke-India for Generation IX?) and while my Britain/India history knowledge isn't that much, presumably the fact that apparently Galar imported Copperajahs from another region to become working animals is a neat little detail. It's noted that Copperajah's green skin is now resistant to water. Okay! Bit of an uncomfortable-looking elephant, but not a terrible one. 

Copperajah has a Gigantamax form and he basically becomes a big Nosepass. Like, its blocky body becomes a big blocky tower and instead of being quadrupedal its forelegs have devolved into these silly-looking nubs while most of the Gigantamax transformation goes to its trunk, which is now spikier and looks like it could completely fuck over buildings and shit, and is noted by the pokedex to "level mountains and change the landscape." Overall I'm not the biggest fan of Copperajah and Cufant, but they're pretty solid additions to the pokedex. The Gigantamax form is hilarious if nothing else. 

 3/6.

#880-883: Dracozolt, Arctozolt, Dracovish & Arctovish

• Types: Electric/Dragon [Dracozolt]; Electric/Ice [Arctozolt], Water/Dragon [Dracovish]; Water/Ice [Arctovish]
• Japanese name: Patchiragon, Patchirudon, Uonoragon, Uochirudon
• Category: Fossil [all four]

So after having fossils in every generation except for Generation II and VII, we've gone from a trend of having obscure prehistoric animals as fossils to dinosaurs... and now we're doing something absolutely unique. It's something that did shock me a fair bit when I first saw the first member of this group (Arctozolt) but as I learned more about this set of four non-evolving fossils, the more I like them conceptually even if visually they still look like abominations. That's sort of the point, though, isn't it? Instead of competent Jurassic Park scientists found in all the previous regions, Galar's fossils are apparently incomplete and the one doing fossil revivification is a crazy lady called Kara Liss, who will combine two half-fossils into a full fossil Pokemon.. except they're not natural, they're obviously the upper half of a creature Frankensteined to another creature, and the pokedex makes it clear that these freaks of nature are not adapting well to being reborn into bodies that with organs and features that aren't meant to synergize with each other. Also, notably, these fossil Pokemon aren't part-Rock; like the fact at making them more naturalistic ended up also purging the part-Rock part of most other fossil types or something. 

This is a reference to a lot of things, because, well, real-life paleontology is kind of interesting where we're trying to figure out how creatures who live millions of years in the past look like and behave, and sometimes we just have no concept of how these things look like. Like mistaking the Iguanodon's stabby fingers for a nose horn, or all the confusion that arose from the Anomalocaris. The freaks-o-nature fossils seem to draw inspiration from two things -- the Piltdown Man, a fake paleontological fraud of an early human fossil supposedly being the 'missing link' between ape and man, which is a long story but basically British scientists back in the day weren't willing to admit that the frankensteined fossils are a fraud to save face; and the Crystal Palace Dinosaurs in London, which are sculptures of now-known-to-be-anatomically-incorrect dinosaurs. S'neat!

There are two 'front halves' and two 'back halves', and the first one in the pokedex, Dracozolt, is a combination of the 'bird' and 'drake' fossils. The 'bird' half corresponds to this creature's front half, which seems to be some kind of lender theropod-like Pokemon (the 'bird' designation makes me happy) with electrical powers, while the 'drake' part seems to be the back half of a larger theropod or a stegosaurid pokemon, which also counts as a Dragon-type. The Pokedex tells us that this Electric/Dragon abomination uses the powerful leg muscles to generate electricity, but its upper body is too small. The Sword Pokedex, on the other hand, pretends that this thing even exists in ancient times, noting that it's "unbeatable thanks to its powerful lower body", but went extinct after it depleted its plant-based food sources. (That part is a common theme among the Galar fossils, a neat nod to how older paleontology material tended to assume that dinosaurs had 'evolutionary flaws' that made them dumb or slow or whatever, causing their extinction, before we realized that a meteor wiped them out). Okay, Rotom Pokedex, you're clearly engaging in some paleontology fraud here and I don't like it. Dracozolt looks like perhaps the least tortured out of the four fossils, looking more like the 'zolt' theropod is just nestled well in a massive pair of pants. 


Arctozolt, formed out of the 'Bird' and 'Dino' fossils, slaps together the little skinny yellow Zolt-a-saur head onto... what is that thing supposed to be? It's an Ice-type lower body and it's got like a fishy structure, with flipper-legs and a structure that looks like half-melted ice. People have the consensus that this is a Pokemon version of Ichthyosaur, a dolphin-esque aquatic reptile that the aforementioned Crystal Palace Dinosaur thought behaved like a seal. And I guess those flipper-legs do look like how some Pokemon artwork depicts seals? Arctozolt's poor upper half looks so sad, its entire torso (which you can see in full in Dracozolt) is completely covered with the melting snow, its face is dripping snot and it's hands are barely able to poke out of the half-melted lower body. Arctozolt notes to be shivering so much from being cold, because that upper body just can't deal with the lower body's cold. It has a hard time walking around, and it's that shivering that's making it generate electricity. Arctozolt is hurting by simply existing, and you, the trainer, is weaponizing that hurt to get it to generate thunderbolts, you dicks. The Shield Pokedex is the one that insists that Arctozolt totally exists in the past and isn't a fabrication by a crazy Galarian scientist and an irresponsible child trainer, noting that it lived near seashores and went extinct because it moves slowly.


Now we swap out the 'bird' fossil for the 'fish' fossil, and it's where the creatures get absolutely fucked-up. The fish half is unmistakably based on the Dunkleosteus, an ancient fish from the Devonian era that's pretty popular in recent pop culture thanks to its distinctive badass-looking fangs. It's a creature that I've seen a lot of people champion to be a cool, non-dinosaur fossil Pokemon or even an alternate evolution for something like Sharpedo or Relicanth... and we get its upper half, at least? Dracovish is Dragon/Water and... and oh my god what the fuck.

Instead of slapping on the "Vish" head onto where the "Draco" abdomen would join onto a torso, the crazy scientist has attached the fish head onto the top of the tail, and the resulting abomination is like, dozens of times more interesting-looking than if we just had a fish head slapped onto a stegosaur's ass. Instead we get this completely fucked-up looking creature that looks like it stepped out of Spore, with the resulting creature somehow looking like a long-necked creature with a belly and legs or something. Look at this thing. It's so fucked-up looking, and its pokedex entries between versions really differ -- the Sword one is the fraudulent one, claiming that Dracovish is an apex predator who only went extinct through overhunting of prey, where the Shield one notes that "its mighty legs are capable of running at speeds of 40 mph"... but it can't breathe unless it's underwater. It has got powerful legs, but it can't use them cause it needs to be underwater. This poor, poor, poor thing!


And you'd think slapping the 'Vish' head onto the 'Dino' part would make for at least a semi-cohesive form the way that Dracozolt is. Like, sure, if we're looking at their real-life counterparts a Dunkleosteus is a fish and an Ichthyosaurus is a reptile, but at least they're both underwater and have a similar general body build, right? Except they slapped the Vish head upside-down, making this thing look absolutely tortured. Sure, it's head markings make it look like it's got the face of a smiling frog, but its real jaw-mouth is on its forehead, and what's supposed to be backwards-pointing fins are treated as seal flippers or some shit. Poor Arctovish, you're just as fucked up. The pokedex doesn't even try to hype this thing up as an apex predator or anything, just noting that it's ability to freeze its prey is rendered null by how hard it can eat the prey, and it supposedly went extinct because of 'breathing difficulties'.

Y'know, there are some Pokemon that were really m'eh to me until I learned of their real-life inspirations and did a fair bit of reading before I really ended up appreciating them a lot more. Paras and Parasect were a pair that became infinitely cooler to me once I learned about what they are. Fomantis and Lurantis are another that was elevated from 'neat' to 'awesome executions of a concept' after realizing what they are. For this generation, it's these slapdash fossils. As an extra bonus, they can't even breed, which just adds to their perversion-of-nature vibe.

This wasn't a set of Pokemon I liked originally. Visually they look terrible, but that's the point. You're supposed to look uncomfortable by them, even if the -Vish ones do have a layer of comedic whimsy to them. The concept and the real-life inspiration behind these guys are cool, and I definitely appreciate the lore and integration of old, goofy paleontology folly. They could've been just lazy 'copy and paste' efforts, but I do really like that at least with the -Vish ones, they really do showcase just how fucked-up these slapdash, Frankensteined creatures look like. They took time for me to get used to, but I definitely appreciate just how... unique these critters are. I do hope that at some point down the line we get to see what 'Vish', 'Draco', 'Zolt' and 'Arcto' look like when restored to their original glory. Which admittedly probably wouldn't be as unique or as original as these, but man, I can definitely give these fuckers kudos on their concept and the execution of said concept. 

 5/6.

#884: Duraludon & Gigantamax Duraludon

• Types: Steel/Dragon
• Japanese name: Jurarudon
• Category: Alloy

Originally hailed by the entire fandom as the Mecha-Godzilla counterpart to Tyranitar's Godzilla, Duraludon was what everyone expected to be the pseudo-legendary of the region and... I'm not a big fan of it the moment I saw it, because, like most, I saw that it looked like someone glued very awkward-looking limbs onto an asthma inhaler. And even taking that away, I genuinely did feel like Duraludon feels just so... awkward, y'know? I guess those arms looking like they exist just to mash Duraludon's enemy to oblivion is pretty cool, but the ram-rod rigid body layout, the chunky tail, the huge chunks of foot, and just how the head's awkwardly tucked into the neck... I'm not even sure what that weird red-tipped thing behind his head is supposed to be. Duraludon honestly sort of looks like a transforming toy for Power Rangers or Transformers or something whose proportions are a bit out of whack because it has to accomodate for an alternate form, and honestly the more I kind of look at this thing the more awkward it looks. 

Duraludon's our first Steel/Dragon type since Dialga and... and it sure is a metal dinosaur. Apparently it's specifically the alloy Pokemon, with the dex entries noting that it's lightweight, strong, but rusts easily. Somehow, through that 4x resistance. Duraludon's dex entry claims it's super fast and stuff, but, again, that's not reflected in-game with its base 85 Speed stat, which is decent but definitely not something that I would highlight when talking about Duraludon.


Duraludon gets a Gigantamax form, and it, uh... becomes a fucking skyscraper based on The Shard, which is hilarious and dumb-looking and also kind of neat in the same breath. Looking at its model in game you'd think that the huge blue chunk on its belly would open and be a mouth or something, but Duraludon's tiny regular head is at the very top of the skyscraper and it's got a teeny-tiny mouth on that insanely large and long body. It's kinda funny I guess, even if it's not my thing. In yet another divergence from Duraludon's in-game properties, the pokedex claims that Giga Duraludon is one of those anti-earthquake skyscrapers, but that's a lie, this giant skyscraper will still crumble like paper to any ground move.

Anyway, an interesting concept and at least the Giga form is a weirdo, but ultimately one that I find to be more awkward than anything. Creative concept, interesting execution, but I'm not a fan. 

 2/6.

#885-887: Dreepy, Drakloak & Dragapult

• Types: Dragon/Ghost [all three]
• Japanese name: Dorameshiya, Doronchi, Doraparuto
• Category: Lingering [Dreepy]; Caretaker [Drakloak], Stealth [Dragapult]

We have our pseudo-legendaries, and it's a cutie! And surprisingly, Dreepy's line is Dragon/Ghost, which we've only ever seen in combination all the way back with Giratina, a.k.a. the extra-dimensional demon-dragon-god-thing. And Dreepy is adorable, with a little wormy body that trails off like a cartoon ghost and the most perfect lizard face. A lot of people intentionally mis-spell Dreepy's name as "Derpy" and it's certainly an appropriate one. In its base form Dreepy doesn't look much like a dragon, but as Applin has shown us in this generation, we're basically using 'wyrm' rather loosely in this generation. Dreepy's a cute lizard ghost and dragons are basically big lizards anyway.

Interestingly, the pokedex entries note that the Dreepy line didn't start out as the Ghost/Dragon critters we know and love, but it's "reborn as a ghost Pokemon" and wanders the areas that it lived in "back when it was alive in prehistoric seas". So while Dreepy and company might have an appearance that resembles how we know them as now, they didn't used to be ghosts! It's pretty neat that we're actually getting a proper fossil pokemon in a roundabout way, because with that little detail and the shape of the heads of the Dreepy line, we get an obvious reference to the ancient amphibian Diplocaulus, one of the more distinctive non-dinosaurian extinct animals thanks to its pretty cool boomerang-shaped skull. Dreepy isn't quite directly based no the Diplocaulus alone, though!


Dreepy's second form, Drakloak, gets a surprising upgrade. Sure, we get the expected larger body. Drakloak gets little nubby hands, and the boomerang-skull starts to take aspects of something like a bomber plane (culminating in something that's obviously based on the B-2 Bomber by the time we reach Dragapult) which is such an out-there association that I'm happy the design team for Pokemon makes. Drakloak looks cool, but the biggest and most important detail? When your Dreepy evolves into a Drakloak, it adopts a Dreepy. Well, sure, in-game the model just spontaneously get created in the same way that all newborn Kangaskhan has a little mini-Khan already in their pouches and whatnot, but Drakloak's dex entry notes that as it gets stronger, it battles alongside a tiny Dreepy sidekick and 'dotes on them' until they successfully evolve.

It's adorably cute, and both a neat visual reference to a bomber plane carrying a missile payload (or one of those "smaller drone plane docked onto a larger plane" deal), but also a nice homage to how some amphibians actually do carry their young on their back. Sure, Drakloak doesn't quite go to the extremes of the Surinam Toad, but it's still pretty adorable! Also adorable (adorably sad) is the detail that without a Dreepy to place on its head, Drakloak gets extremely uneasy and tries to substitue any Pokemon for the missing Dreepy. Oh no! They should hang out with those poor motherless Cubones!


The final form of this line, and the first member of this evolutionary line I was exposed to, is Dragapult, which is Drakloak but bigger -- and instead of the Dreepys docking on top of its had, Dragapult has evolved fucking missile pods where the Dreepys can nest in. Aww, it's adorable! And then, just like real missile pods, Dragapult will then launch its own babies at the enemy so they explode. Hahahaha, what the fuck, that's so awesome and I guess we learn why the Dreepy line went extinct in the past if they weaponize their young like this. The Pokedex entry notes that the Dreepys are actually excited at the prospect of being launched, which I suppose works now that they're incorporeal ghosts that will survive being launched as "dragon darts". Dragapult's design is also pretty cool, with those dominantly pink stealth bomber head-wings being pretty neat, and I absolutely love just how the lower part of the body trails off into a ghostly intangibility. Even its pose in the official Sugimori art is great, it just looks so mischievous and ready to cause some ruckus.

Anyway, Dragapult is awesome. It's the ghost of an ancient prehistoric salamander who takes care of its young and also it's a stealth bomber that launches its young like missiles. There's a lot of concept going on here that somehow mixes together and works as a solid design. I didn't really think much of Dragapult the first time I saw it, but man I really like it a lot. 

 6/6.

#888-889: Zacian & Zamazenta

• Types: Fairy/Steel [Zacian], Fairy [Incomplete Zacian], Fighting/Steel [Zamazenta], Fighting [Incomplete Zamazenta]
• Japanese name: Zashian, Zamazenta
• Category: Warrior [both]

So I guess we're sort of alternating between "many legendaries" and "minimal legendaries", then? Generation V had a whole glut, whereas Generation VI had like, barely a half-dozen. Generation VII had a bunch but when you factor in the Ultra Beasts as legendaries, Alola's got a relatively large amount of them. And then Generation VIII has a grand total of three -- the two version mascots and the main villain. Basically, a lot of Zacian and Zamazenta's history is part of the plot of Sword and Shield -- they were the companion Pokemon of the founding Kings of Galar, defending against an outbreak of dynamax Pokemon, but thanks to history and details that are lost through time, people ended up reducing their role into just their weapons, and it's meant to be a surprise that the fabled "sword and shield" of the great kings are actually two pokemon who happen to be wielding a sword and a shield. The actual in-game story isn't as well-structured and well-paced as it could've been, but the concept is... solid. It's basically something along the lines of the King Arthur legend, isn't it? Except instead of Excalibur, it's a doggo holding a sword. 


The first of the duo, Zacian, is the elder of the two, a blue wolf holding a sword in her mouth. Yes, 'her', because while the Pokemon are still genderless, the Pokedex entries actually use the term 'sister' when referring to the two wolves. Both wolves come in a 'weakened' form known as "Hero of Many Battles", and are mono-type until you restore their power by giving them their weapons as held items. In its naked, "Hero of Many Battles" form, Zacian is pure-Fairy, which I suppose works as a legendary, ancient guardian of the land. She's... she's a blue wolf with scars all over her, and there are some neat details that I kind of like -- the missing ear and the braids -- but ultimately it's sort of just there. 


In-story you recover Zacian's ancient rusted sword and give it to her, allowing her to achieve her "Crowned Sword" form where she gets a massive crown decoration, golden not-quite-wings and whatnot, and she holds a sword in her mouth Roronoa Zoro style. With all that armour, she's now Fairy/Steel! It's slightly cluttered and while I don't dislike it as much as some of the older legendaries, it's still a bit too cluttered for me. I guess if they trimmed down some of the extraneous details -- like the pink scarf or the extra butt-wings the design would flow a bit better, but Zacian's inoffensive. The dex notes that Zacian 'absorbs metal praticles' to form the weapon it uses to battle, which is how I suppose she changes the rusty ancient sword to the fancy-ass golden "Fairy King Sword" she has in her mouth. Zacian's special move, Behemoth Blade, is something straight out of a shonen anime where the sword gets even bigger, even glowier, and it deals extra damage against the scourge of those evil, evil dynamax/gigantamax Pokemon. Neat story, but I have to confess that I didn't really feel like the game's version of the story hooked me in all that much. 

Now while I was pretty m'eh with the both of the "Crowned" forms and thought that unarmoured Zacian was kind of just there, unarmoured Zamazenta actually looks significantly cooler. The layout of the darker shade of red contrasted with the dark blue is just so much more striking than the rather pastel colours that Zamazenta's elder sister has, and the scars on Zamazenta's body and face feels a bit more prominent. The shape of the fur around Zamazenta's face also resembles a shield without trying too much and still looking natural. Hero of Many Battles Zamazenta is easily my favourite form out of the four Galarian doggos. 


Like Zacian, when you recover the Rusted Shield item, Zamazenta goes from pure-Fighting (okay, sure. I'm not about to question legendary typings too much) to Fighting/Steel because it gains a big honking shield around its face, and... and while Zamazenta's design is technically more cohesive than Zacian's with less random details, the resulting look of a wolf that wears heavy armour only around its neck just ends up looking pretty dang awkward. Both Zacian and Zamazenta look a lot better with their 3D models, and those 'wing' pieces on Zamazenta's sides can actually move and lock into place to form a giant shield. Zamazenta's lore is more or less identical to her sister's, just swap out 'sword' with 'shield'. 

Overall, they're all right -- being legendary wolves they get 3/5 out of principle. Definitely not the biggest fan of them, but they definitely felt like a 'could be better' effort. 

 3/6.

#890: Eternatus

• Types: Poison/Dragon
• Japanese name: Mugendaina
• Category: Gigantic

As a surprise bonus, we learn quite literally in a single cutscene before fighting him that all of the Dynamax energy in Galar that allows Pokemon to achieve Dynamax and Gigantamax form... actually comes from a mysterious legendary Elder Being Pokemon slumbering deep, deep beneath the earth, and the game's villain has been trying to siphon off its power as a source of clean energy. It's a skeletal dragon that everyone's been unknowingly drawing power from, and... and it kinda looks like it's designed with the same mentality as the Ultra Beasts, huh? The 'Wishing Star' plot devices that are implied to be part of Eternatus are sort of handwaved as magic meteors, and the dex entries give Eternatus's origin as a creature that came from space, but I would believe it if somewhere down the line we get some canon welding that establish Eternatus as an Ultra Beast that has 'gone native' and now counts as a Pokemon the way Necrozma, Solgaleo and Lunala are. Regardless, though, it's an alien, otherworldly threat, and it works!

I mean, just look at this fucking thing! It's a giant dragon made out of nothing but skeletons, with a prominent ribcage, little arms shaped like nasty forks, wings that are made out of little fractals that trail off, and that face gets even weirder once you take a bit of a closer look, with Eternatus's real face being a lot smaller (basically that cluster of eyes) whereas the massive pink thing with skeletal horns is more like a blast shield in front of the actual draconic face. Oh, and the lower jaw-bones are disconnected from each other, which is pretty cool. Like the Ultra Beasts, this is a design that is so not Pokemon, which works in Eternatus's favour since it's role in the story and region is as an alien, otherworldly antagonist. 


Despite being the source of all dynamax energy in Galar, in practice Eternatus itself is unable to Dynamax, and its signature move is "Dynamax Cannon", where that ribcage and the glowing 'heart' within ends up powering up like a sci-fi weapon to unleash ruin upon anyone who dare turn Eternatus's own dynamax powers against it. Eternatus giveth the power to become titans, and Eternatus taketh it away. Best of all, Eternatus is Dragon/Poison, and as a long-time fan for the game's most under-appreciated type, it's so cool to see this alien outside that looks so wrong able to unleash toxic goop in addition to its array of dragon beams. 

But wait, that's not all! While not available for play beyond a brief cameo in the attack animation for the move "Eternabeam", the final fight against Eternatus pits you against what's kinda sorta its Gigantamax form, called "Eternamax" because Eternatus just has to be that extra, I guess. And Eternamax Eternatus is... what a bizarre, alien thing it is. It just turns into this long, winding skeletal serpent that coils around as a massive spiral in the sky, and the appendage that looms down to fight you is not a dragon head, but rather that 'blast shield' transformed into a massive five-fingered claw that acts as Eternatus's head. It's such a bizarre, strange form and I kind of liked how Enternatus's skeletal parts sort of rearranges to accomodate this spiral-UFO form, with the trident-like skeletal hands being repurposed as some sort of a 'crown' around the glowing core. It's not quite as neat as Necrozma's "part rearrangement", I feel, but I do appreciate what they were going for here. Ultimately Eternatus is a pretty neat 'big bad' legendary that looks obviously evil and the very angular skeletal purple dragon from outer space that's this ancient evil slumbering deep beneath the land and is also unknowingly the source of the superpowers everyone takes for granted is such an ecclectic mixture of tropes, but it's one that I feel is done relatively well. At least it goes for something unique, y'know?

Not your typical Pokemon, and for sure not your typical legendary Pokemon, but you can't deny how cool space elder-god skele-dragon looks. 

 4/6.

__________________________________________

That's all folks, for Generation VIII. For all of my complaints about the games and the direction of the design team, one thing that this generation didn't disappoint me was the new Pokemon for sure, and that's what I'll be here for. I'm not the biggest fan of Gigantamax (it's basically Mega Evolution, round two, with less exciting changes) but it did give us some neat-looking designs. I don't think the generation quite achieved the same amount of hit-and-miss ratio as the two previous quality-over-quantity generations, VI and VII, but for the most part a lot of the newer Pokemon end up winning me over, even with a demonstratably different art team. 

Over the next couple of weeks I might do a couple of 'special' Gotta Review 'Em All segments. I'll do a redo of my old (and now-deleted) "Types" review in a far more coherent way, sort of breaking down the trends and outliers among the types. I'm definitely not doing items, and if I do human characters it'd be a lot more light-hearted and less analytical. I thought of doing moves, but the first couple of drafts ended up being basically a list of "yeah, the translation team for generation one changed a lot of things to make the names fit in within the alphabet limit, huh". We'll see if I ever complete that. 

I do plan, at some time in the future, to sort of give the previous parts of Gotta Review 'Em All a bit of an editing spree. None of my opinions have changed that drastically and if there's going to be score changes it's probably just a ball up or ball down, but there are some parts where I could stand to be a bit less fanboy-y and parts where I could be a lot less rant-y.