Movie Review: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem

Aliens vs Predator: Requiem [2007]

(Actual Alien: Covenant review coming soon.)

Now while I actually unironically enjoy Aliens vs Predator, which I reviewed a couple of weeks ago, its sequel, shit, where do I begin? It does everything that Aliens vs Predator does, but amplifies all the worst parts of that movie while not living up to any of the good parts. While AvP (and really, any horror movie) tries to build up its human characters while not really investing too much time to them before they start dropping like flies, AvP-R spends way, way too long building up, like, the soldier who comes home to her daughter, and the father-son pair that goes missing, and the teenage pizza delivery boy and the hot teenage girl and the police chief and I don't really care at all? All of these characters feel flat, even for horror movie standards, and when the chaos starts and the characters are screaming "Carrie's dead!" I don't really know, because who the fuck is Carrie, or Nick, which one of those soulless characters I'm introduced to that I don't care about just died?

I mean, like, I don't really care about the cast of AvP either, but at least a fair amount of them at least have a one-dimensional personality or two. Here, characters are introduced and killed off so fucking quickly that I just can't be bothered to care. And a huge problem, I think, is how indistinct Wolf the Predator and the Predalien look from each other. Like, yeah, the first time we see the Predalien he's cool, he's like this cross-breed between an Alien Queen and a Predator with the iconic Predator mouth and dreadlocks and shit, but when the two monsters actually fight the movie presents them almost always fighting in dark, dimly-lit locales that's almost all black, and cameras that shake around and really like to zoom in on one combatant. And when both combatants are primarily black, shadowed and dreadlocked, I find it really hard to follow the action scenes, and I'm someone who doesn't have any problems watching the live-action Transformers movies.

It's a really weird movie where it's aiming for a survival genre thing but man fuck the humans, they're unlikable. There's something refreshing, too, in seeing the Aliens and the Predator rampage in a town, but at the same time other than the novelty of them fighting in a sewer or on a construction site... I don't really care that much? And honestly, while my expectations for this movie is nonexistent, it's not even like Aliens vs Predator, where at least it's a generic horror/survival movie (with Aliens and Predators swapped in for your zombies or serial killers or what-have-you) but with the tropes played right. Here it's just a huge, shaky mess up to the end. Where I praised the action scenes of Aliens vs Predator and found it a highlight, in Requiem I just can't tell what the fuck's going on most of the time, until the final battle when, oh, they mutual killed each other. Oh, the government nukes the town because of course it does.

And while I know questioning the motives of movie monsters is an exercise in futility, Wolf, the Predator in this movie, feels absolutely far more flat than the other Predators we've had. I guess he just really wants to avenge his dead buddies? But why the obsession with getting rid of evidence (while stringing up people in forests) with blue goop, and why abandon the evidence-ridding thing halfway through the movie? Why just devolve into nothing but wanting to hunt?

The gore in this movie also feels a bit unnecessary. Like, I don't care about gore and am not sickened by it, but the usage here is just so stupidly gratuitous. It's one thing to brutally kill your supporting human characters, it's one thing to introduce the capabilities of your monster. It's another thing to randomly have the Predalien attack a hospital for no reason, have that really gross and long-winded scene with pregnant women, and none of it bears any real meaning to the plot, such as it is. Our human heroes or the Predator never encounter these newly-bursted aliens, so what's the point of all that?

Yeah, no wonder the franchises went into a huge hiatus after this movie. It's really a messy shit. Even what was promised to us -- fucking aliens fighting a Predator, killing humans while doing it -- isn't even executed properly. Blah.

Anyway, not sure whether I'll talk about the other Alien and Predator movies or if this'll be a one-off (well, two-off) thing after I first watch these two movies for the first time. We'll see how popular these reviews are, I guess.

Agents of SHIELD S04E18 Review: Deaths and Rebirths

Agents of SHIELD, Season 4, Episode 18: No Regrets

One thing that I disliked about alternate timeline/reality/world stories in superhero stories and general science fiction genre is that what you do in the alternate universe don't really matter, because you're coming back home to the 'main' universe. It's one thing why after a while the Earth-2 stories in the Flash really ceased to be interesting, especially when everyone started dying off like flies. Who cares if Earth-2 Joe West or Caitlin Snow or Cisco Ramon gets killed one by one? The ones I care about are the ones in the 'real' world. Here, though, the setup of the whole Framework thing ends up making it matter about what they do in the Framework, and why it matters. For one, a good chunk of the cast still doesn't believe this whole multiple worlds stuff, and they kind of have to help out and play along with what they perceive to be reality to really jar them awake. And the other? Well, if you die in the virtual world, you die in the real world.

As, well, happens in this episode. Suddenly it's not just a fun Alternate Universe trip into a world where everything is fucked up and Fitz is the leader of Hydra and Mack is a single parent and Jeffrey Mace is basically Captain America. The Framework claims its first victim, with Jeffrey Mace falling in action thanks to him going back to rescue a couple of kids before being crushed by a building and blown up by a Hydra quinjet for good measure. And we even get a cutaway to the real world to show that, yeah, they're not pulling any of that 'didn't happen onscreen, so he survived' bullshit. Long rest, Patriot. You served well.

And up to his death, Jeffrey Mace didn't even get to realize that he's in a simulation, which I guess is for the best. He died thinking that he is a superhero, a man with super-strength that died saving people -- even May, who used to be an enemy -- and acts like a true, honourable hero, and it's an amazingly sad yet awesome end for the man. He's spent so much of season two just being unsure about his status as the leader of SHIELD, being a fraud, especially when he can no longer take the super-serum, with a majority of his role being relegated to a support one, having him die as a man who lived his entire life as a hero, the bastion of resistance against the evil Hydra regime, dying rescuing a child? That's a good death. 

One of the more powerful moments in this episode is Simmons not being able to really tell Mace anything about the man's favourite stuff or whatever despite supposedly being friends, and that's honestly really sad. Mace's a fraud, sure, and everyone instantly hates him or suspects him from the get go, and the man doesn't deserve it. If Simmons had tried to bond with Mace more, especially after Mace came clean about the whole Patriot business around the halfway point of this season, maybe all of this could've been avoided. Maybe. 

Also, the combination of seeing Hydra indoctrinating children (which is completely fucked up, by the way, especially when you realize that the children from Coulson's class an episode ago is there among the prisoners) and seeing just how selfless Patriot and the rest of his people are ends up jarring Melinda May into realizing that, shit, Hydra isn't the harsh, disciplinary parent. Hydra's a fucked-up tyrannical organization.

So yeah, we have our first casualty, but while he doesn't know that he died in a simulation, neither did the man who essentially pulled the trigger, which is Fitz. Fitz ordered the hit on the Patriot, and he basically caused Mace's death in this. He doesn't know, not at the moment, that he's friends with Mace in the real world, but when he comes out and regains his memory, hoo boy, that's not going to be a pleasant sensation. It's a very unique and intriguing situation, that's for sure. 

And really, the big question as to why Fitz is so cruel doesn't just stem from Aida, it stems from him fixing his one great regret -- daddy Alistair walking out on him. Turns out that Alistair raised his kid to be ruthless and not weak, and Simmons was right to talk shit about Alistair so many episodes ago. Alistair's interactions with Fitz didn't really take that long, but they're easily some of the more uncomfortable scenes I've watched in this show. Fitz is basically the only main character who hasn't been turned to the 'light' side. May and Mack might not necessarily believe in all this real world malarkey (and really, a big question for our heroes is how to get them to really determine reality), but they're at least on the same side as Daisy, Simmons and Coulson. Fitz? Getting him to come to whatever exit that Radcliffe has prepared is going to be a tough one. (And of course Radcliffe built an exit. We need an endgame for this storyline, of course)

Oh, and in addition to everything that's going on? Antoine Triplett returns, literally a character that I bet no one expected to come back in this arc, least of all the identity of the secret double agent working for Mace. It's a clever way to work in this woefully underused character, and I'm happy to see him back and interacting with the main cast again.

The episode ends in a hell of an amazing bit as May makes her allegiance switch. She probably doesn't believe or even know about the whole alternate world is the real world thing, but she knows one thing. The side she's working with is the side that goes around brainwashing people, editing textbooks and killing honourable men like Jeffrey Mace, so she gives the imprisoned and tortured Daisy a Terrigen crystal, allowing her to transform, finally, into Quake.

There were some uneven points, that's for sure, and maybe we could've afforded to see a bit more of Jeffrey Mace in these episodes, and maybe May's change of heart could've taken some more buildup because before this she is pretty much emotionless evil henchwoman through and through, but those are small complaints. It's a very great episode, Trip's return and Mace's death were both executed well and unexpected, and just how our heroes are going to get out of this situation cleanly is definitely a very intriguing question .

Marvel Easter Eggs Corner:

• Lots of references to earlier Agents of SHIELD episodes in here. Obviously, we've got the return of Antoine Triplett, the SHIELD agent unceremoniously killed in season two. But in addition to Triplett, the voice of Sunil Bakshi (also from season two) returns in the PA system for Hydra's hypnotist facility, and Kenneth Turgeon (Simmons' boss during her time undercover in Hydra) is the Hydra officer that debriefs May. Also, Agent Burrows, killed earlier this season, returns as Mace's second-in-command in the Framework world.
• Two kids from Coulson's Framework school -- the one escorted out in the middle of the class, and the one that talked to Simmons next to her car -- were among the kids in the brainwashing facility.
• May's super strength serum was apparently derived from the Mr. Hyde serum used by Calvin Zabo, with obvious alterations so May doesn't go through the disfigurement that Cal Zabo wen through. Last episode showed that Cal's alter ego, Dr. Winslow, was arrested by Hydra, suggesting where they got the serum formula from.
• Coulson talks about an Inhuman with lion paws while being checked at Hydra, which references a conversation he had with John Garrett back in season one about a powered individual that Garrett arrested. Both are apparently references to the supervillain Griffin.
• Sunil Bakshi's hypnotism speech is obviously identical to his and Daniel Whitehall's modus operandi in the second season.
• Trip using wartime antiques to spy on Hydra is a reference to how he is a big fan of his Howling Commando father, and thus collects and uses a lot of wartime equipment. 
• There's way too many references to what Ward did in earlier seasons, although an especially clever bit was Coulson noting that he gets 'hives' from seeing him.
• Coulson posing as a bus driver is totally a reference to SHIELD's big plane, the Bus, isn't it? Especially when he name drops 'The Bus' in conversation?

Teen Titans S05E09 Review: Velocitron

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 9: Revved Up

It's one of the few wacky episodes in the fifth season, this time featuring the obligatory race episode. It's not quite as insanely hilarious as the one in Batman: Brave and the Bold (one of the few episodes I've seen) but it's still good fun. The main villain, Ding Dong Daddy, stole a briefcase containing something important -- but classified -- to Robin, and the only way to get it back is through a race... that eventually involves like the entirety of the zanier part of the Teen Titans cast. It's a refreshing bit of madcap fun that returns to the Titans' older roots.

The contents of the case is never really revealed, and I thought it's a bit weird (a Pulp Fiction reference?) but it doesn't matter. The main point of the episode is, after all, the race! And boy, what insanity we got in the race. Between the insane look of the villains' race cars, and the cool surprise team-up between Robin and Red X -- always cool to have Red X back in the show -- it's a very fun episode that doesn't take itself seriously. Maybe the whole point of the briefcase's contents being a secret to the audience is an allusion to how Red X's identity is never revealed to us either? I dunno.

There are a lot of stupidly fun moments in the episode, with Gizmo making a very welcome minor role as the most vocal of the villain racers with his very weird single-wheel car, and Starfire and Raven's attempt to blend in with a bunch of cosplayers.

But easily the best part is the weird cars that the villains drive. They don't really talk, but Mumbo drives a huge top-hat with wheels, Puppet King drives a huge jack-in-the-box, Control Freak drives a remote-themed car, Dr Light drives a fucking lightbulb, Mad Mod drives a the god damned BIG BEN... and Red X destroying all of them is a hoot. Does it make sense in the whole bigger picture of the Brotherhood of Evil plot, that a huge chunk of them would just participate in the race? And for Red X to randomly betray the Brotherhood? No, but hey, it's fun so I don't care. Beast Boy and Cyborg's rather long scene with the car-destroying gremlins is probably the only one that didn't work for me, and Ding Dong Daddy alternates between being ridiculous fun and being annoying, but it's a pretty decent fun episode.


DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Ding Dong Daddy is an actual villain from the comics! He was in one of the earliest Teen Titans issues that functioned more of a PSA than an actual superhero story, where "Ding Dong Daddy" Dowd is this criminal that hired high school dropouts using his hot rod store as a front. Of course, needless to say, this version of the character is twenty times more entertaining than his comic-book counterpart.
• Other villains that participated in the race include: Gizmo, Mumbo, Puppet King, Control Freak, Johnny Rancid, Fang, Kitten, Mad Mod, Dr Light and... whoever is in that yellow car. Adonis, I think?
• There's a small cameo of Slade as a doll in one of the Robin baby pictures.

Teen Titans S05E08 Review: Fastest Kid Alive

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 8: Lightspeed

Every superhero series generally likes to have an episode that has the POV from the villains of the show, and it's surprising that it took Teen Titans five seasons before doing one. Having Slade or Trigon be the POV character would be too dark and serious for Teen Titans, so they used the HIVE Five instead, including a fun fourth wall moment where they crash the opening credits and walk up the screen.

This is actually one of my favourite episodes of Teen Titans's fifth season, where it shows that, yes, they can introduce interesting conflict with older supporting characters like Jinx and introduce a honorary Titan that isn't just cool-and-heroic. Kid Flash is impulsive, flirty and scarily competent. Part of it is the awesome power of super-speed that allow him to beguile the six members of the HIVE Five (yes, they lampshade how the name makes no sense in-universe as well).

But the star of the episode is actually Jinx, a character that barely got much screentime. The main member of the HIVE trio throughout Teen Titans' run has always been Gizmo, who even appeared in several other episodes without Mammoth and Jinx tagging along. But here we see an aspect of Jinx we never saw before -- that she craves respect. And after four seasons of constantly being defeated and humiliated by the Titans despite being introduced as top of their class in HIVE Academy, well, they've grown to basically Team Rocket levels of being punching bags. Jinx sees the initiation into the Brotherhood of Evil as their big break for being taken seriously. And from Madame Rogue's interactions with Jinx this episode, it's fair to see why Jinx is so desperate for respect. Despite being equals with the Teen Titans in the earlier seasons, here the Brotherhood sees the Titans as this threat that requires a huge assembly of villains to take down, whereas the HIVE Five are just... well, those villain kids.

And honestly, considering the rankings of the HIVE Five, poor Jinx has her work cut out for her. Billy Numerous is dumb and Mammoth is even dumber, Gizmo is crazy and childish, and Kyd Wykkyd, despite looking cool with all his magic Batman thing, is silent and passive. Only See-More is competent in a way, and despite having like five lines throughout the entirety of the show, See-More is the only one that wants to lend Jinx assistance in her attempt to take down Kid Flash. The other more vocal members of the HIVE Five -- Gizmo, Billy and Mammoth -- are all like 'yeah, whatevs' regarding the Brotherhood.

Only Jinx and See-More (really, really wished See-More shows up more in the series with his weirdly gross eyeball balloon powers) end up taking the whole thing seriously enough to hunt down Kid Flash, and end up actually capturing him with a mixture of Jinx pretending to defect and an ambush... but Kid Flash himself breaks free and trashes the HIVE Five's base... right when Madame Rogue shows up to collect their prize. Jinx idolizes Madame Rogue a lot, but Rogue sees the HIVE Five only as incompetent little shits unable to even retain a superhero they captured.

The final leg of the episode has Jinx (and See-More) race against Madame Rogue to capture Kid Flash, and it's a fun bit where you aren't sure who you're rooting for. Jinx's plight of wanting to be recognized by her idol and her frustration at the world in general, and her own insecurities of whether being a supervillain is what she wants for her life, is very relatable... but on the other hand, Kid Flash is the good guy and you want him to escape, which would totally ruin Jinx's plans.

This ends with a pretty cool moment where Jinx actually manages to capture Kid Flash (who, by the way, managed to defeat Rogue), but Madame Rogue just knocks Jinx aside and insults her. Now idol or no idol, Jinx has enough respect and dignity (plus all the doubts that Kid Flash inserted within her) to free Kid Flash and blast the shit out of Madame Rogue with her hex blasts. It's a pretty cool moment for her, and this actually causes Rogue to respect her more than actually capturing Kid Flash.

The end of the episode features her still going back with her HIVE buddies, but she picks up the rose that Kid Flash leaves behind, leaving her ultimate decision still ambiguous. She ended up getting the respect she so craves from Madame Rogue... but is that what she really wants?

This is how you do guest star roles, really, developing Jinx from just a one-note evil-bitch villain into a far more interesting character that went through a fair bit of character development over the course of twenty minutes, while also giving newcomer Kid Flash and returning characters See-More and Madame Rogue a fair chance to show off their personalities as well. Compared to the rather generic Kole, Gnarrk, babysitting kids and Titans East, this episode just stands so much higher in terms of character writing... granted, I'd rather wished Jinx reached the 'maybe I can be a good hero' conclusion herself instead of having Kid Flash spell it out for her so many times, but I can live with it. Shame that a good chunk of the fandom can't look past the episode not starring any of the Teen Titans and ruining Cyborg-Jinx shipping.


DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Kid Flash, a.k.a. Wally West, is the sidekick of (of course) the Flash. After Barry Allen's death he would take over the mantle of the Flash and become the third bearer of the name. Wally is pretty notable in the comics as being one of the first five Teen Titans, and stars as the Flash in Justice League and as Kid Flash in Young Justice. Michael Rosenbaum, voice actor of Flash in Justice League, reprises his role as Kid Flash here.
• The Fearsome HIVE Five have replaced Private HIVE with Kyd Wykkyd and Billy Numerous since the events of 'Mother Mae-Eye'. While Billy has starred in an episode before, this is Kyd Wykkyd's first role in a non-cameo manner.

Supergirl S02E20 Review: Purposeless James

Supergirl, Season 2, Episode 20: City of Lost Children

Okay, yeah, after a very weak episode previously, we cut to an episode focusing all about James Olsen, undoubtedly the character that season two of Supergirl had no idea what to do with. I mean, the first season had no idea what to do with him either beyond making him a boring handsome love interest, but at least James didn't take up huge chunks of screentime trying to be a superhero -- and honestly, it's like every episode needs to have a couple of minutes dedicated to a stuntman in an ugly costume beating up random mooks on the street. It would be something if the show explored just why National City needed the Guardian when it has Supergirl (and Martian Manhunter, and the DEO...).

And, well, devoting an entire episode to James bonding with a random alien kid with explosive psychic powers? Yeah, that... that didn't work out as well as they hoped it should be. The thing about James is that, unlike, say, Winn and his desire for approval and his baggage of daddy-is-a-supervillain issues, nothing that James does really makes sense organically. Beyond some brief "man, all my buddies are kryptonian superheroes" sentiment, he doesn't really have much justification for running around whacking people with a sad-looking gray shield. Arrow's third season explored it with Laurel trying to play superhero without any real training or reason, and that backfired on her spectacularly. Which is hilarious.

And honestly, I think even the show-writers are acknowledging how they literally have nothing good to do with the Guardian concept, because even James himself is second-guessing his own career. Honestly I really wished while watching this episode that it's going to be an excuse for James to be more civilian-friendly and paint his armour yellow and blue instead of this dreadful, drab gray, and exchange that horrendous mask for a proper helmet.

And just as we're starting to get less and less Guardian screentime, like a itch on your butt that never goes away, he comes back. And god, it makes even less sense for him to go from crimefighter to "man, am I making a difference?" to "I am totally this alien kid's surrogate daddy slash best buddy!" The show (and James' actor) tries its best to pretend there's a deep bond between James and Marcus that neither of the show's other characters are able to replicate (despite Alex apparently spending a couple of hours worth of time talking to Marcus compared to James just meeting him the first time).

And honestly, it's just the writers trying to shove a very James-heavy episode, and none of the scenes really felt like it worked. The new scenes seemed to hinge on James' own daddy issues, except those aren't issues we've ever seen before. So yeah, it's a bit irritatingly built up, and while the conclusion of the plot arc has James reach out to Marcus (naturally) and stop all the Phorians from creating a psychic apocalypse, the journey there could've really used some work. Hopefully with everything that's going down James will not have as huge a role in the finale two-parter.

So yeah, all that James stuff is padding, because clearly the main plot is about the Daxamites. And while the buildup for the main plot isn't anywhere as horrible as the Savitar plotline over in Flash, both Rhea and Lena are far, far more well-realized than Savitar ever was. Again, I really wished both this episode and the previous one devoted just a bit more screentime to Rhea and Lena, if only so that I can buy the idea that Lena, previously built up to be the smartest human being on Earth, gets duped and absolutely sucked in by Rhea.

Though honestly, I think one of the biggest mark of damning the James storyline is that it gets the main billing as far as screentime goes, but the bond between Rhea and Lena felt far more believable than the James-Marcus bond. Still absolutely pissed that Lena ends up being kind of made a fool out of, because, jeez, you were so paranoid before! Why the hell would you build the huge alien portal and not have actual precautions for any of these happening? Plot, I know, but still.

Oh well, whatever the case, the inevitable betrayal happens. Rhea double-crosses Lena and apparently the portal is used to bring in her invasion fleet, instead of returning her home. Honestly, Lena, for someone who literally built the fucking machine, how did you not even consider that? It's still pretty awesome, though, because Rhea quickly takes off three pieces (two of them being pretty heavy hitters) from Supergirl's side of the board. Lena gets knocked out in the scuffle and kidnapped, J'onn gets his mind mentally shut down with some white martian technology, and Mon-El can't bring himself to kill his mother. (Rhea tells Mon-El the very believable story that his father took his own life out of grief, which would totally mess with Mon-El's mind).

Yes, the finale seems to be shaping up to mimic the first season's finale, but the setup is so, so much better, Rhea's threat of a good old-fashioned ships raining death upon mankind is so much more satisfying than Myriad, Rhea herself is a far more fleshed-out villain than... Non? Was his name Non? And all the pieces involved -- be it the DEO, Cadmus possibly coming into play, Superman possibly coming into play and all that jazz makes it so much more compelling to watch. So long as you keep James on the sidelines and not at the forefront like this episode.

Oh, and we totally got a Batman reference. That was unexpected, and awesome.

DC Easter Eggs Corner: 

• Winn and James compares the not-child-friendly Guardian costume and more brutal vigilantism with "Clark's friend", which is a reference to Batman. Winn even makes a pointy-ears gesture with his head, making us know damn well which friend of Clark's they are talking about.
• The Phorians seem to be based on the Euphorians, a race of telekinetic and telepathic aliens that are honestly quite minor. The superhero Primus of the Omega Men, a group of intergalactic guardians, hails from that race. 

Fairy Tail 537 Commentary: Nobody Reads This Anyway

Fairy Tail, Chapter 537: The Power of Life

"At long last, Fairy Tail has begun its final countdown!" At long last indeed, writer. At long last.

Mavis and Zeref have this long, long exhaustingly convoluted talk about love, and then contradiction, and just trying to be poetic and talk about how everything they've been through is contradictory and stuff. Yeah, no shit, it's called inconsistent writing and making shit up as you go. Some talk about how if Mavis loved Zeref, she would able to kill him, but at the same time she wants to live forever. Then she goes and rants about how Zeref should die, acting like a little child, then lies next to Zeref, going "die (don't die)" and stuff and they disappear in a light, because, shit, I dunno. Zeref basically dies because of love. Or something. I have no idea. 

I cannot pretend that I understand any of the backwards logic here, and maybe that's what the author is going for? Create some absolutely convoluted justification for this whole mess that is Mavis and Zeref and all their motivations, and wait for the fandom (what's left of it, anyway) to string up some panels selectively and point out how Zeref's motivations totally somehow in some weird way makes complete logical sense.

Because, holy shit, I tried re-reading this chapter and all I got from it is a migraine.

You know what, though? Zeref's dead, and so is Mavis, so it's cause to celebrate. Goodbye, emo whackjob! And goodbye, pedophile enabler! Won't miss either of you, no sir.

Also, yeah, Zeref and Natsu's climactic fight was just that. A punch to the face. So yeah, last chapter was just a stupid conclusion to the story of Zeref, and it ended with not a bang, but a whimper.

Oh, and Makarov totally wakes up. See? See what I tell you? The old dumbshit isn't dead. Fairy Tail is all happy and shit, and no one is allowed to make a dramatic sacrifice. Not that Makarov has been doing anything right since the Alvarez arc started, mind you. Without getting into another rant about how his death is stupid... let me point out that his resurrection is also equally stupid. Because, shit, is there any reason that he comes back, beyond power of unexplainable friendship between two immortals, who, for some reason, ends up resurrecting Makarov?

Yeah, none of this bullshit makes sense. I've read fanfiction better than this.

Not much to say here. I have a backlog of superhero TV shows to watch, even if Fairy Tail reviews somehow get easily triple the hits any other manga or TV episode reviews do. I dunno. Is reading me talk shit about a shit manga that entertaining? In any case, I'm not going to bother really trying to analyze dung too much.

Nanatsu no Taizai 219 Review: Vegeta Junior Returns!

Nanatsu no Taizai, Chapter 219: The Heroes' Respite

The chapter starts off very light-hearted, and you wouldn't be particularly wrong in assuming that it's just gonna be a simple, heartwarming "aww, they do love hanging out with each other" type of chapter. We've got Ban, Meliodas and Hawk exploring the new Boar's Hat. We've got Diane and Elizabeth meet up with the apparently-still-alive Elaine (so yeah, like everyone suspected, Merascylla's magic just didn't cancel out for everyone), and briefly touch on the subject of Elizabeth's reincarnation.

King, Gowther and Escanor go for a drink, and King gets drunk and basically, well, Gowther mind-reads the dude and finds out that King still hates him but forgives him and stuff like that. We also get the hilarious scene of Escanor reverting back to PRIDEFUL LION YOU IMPERTINENT SCOUNDRELS Escanor, and as everyone expected, Merlin crafted a magical item -- his glasses, in this case -- to keep Escanor's transformation under control, just as what she did with Diane.

Merlin is scouting with the aid of a cute little haired flying eyeball named Orlondi... and she's searching for Arthur, only to find... Zeldoris. Zeldoris unleashes a blast of demonic magic at Orlondi, and we're led to assume that Orlondi dies, but apparently Zeldoris struck through the connection and it fucked up Merlin real bad. Welp, I guess even with Commandments falling left and right, Zeldoris (who barely had a chance to actually do anything beyond look cool and hint at how powerful he is) is still enough of a force to be a threat. Time will tell if Meliodas, Escanor and/or Merlin will one-shot the dude, though. I do hope Zeldoris grinded for levels off-screen, so to speak, otherwise it'll be a pretty short fight.

Teen Titans S05E07 Review: Babysitting

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 7: Hide and Seek

After two episodes with the 'whole team + side guest' formula, we return to a 'one Titan + guest stars' formula used in Trust. This time, it's Raven that gets the starring slot, with the other Titans apparently in a mission elsewhere and Beast Boy acting as the unhelpful mission control over Raven's T-communicator. The whole concept of the episode is a setup for zany hijinks. What happens when Raven, Little Miss Antisocial herself, is forced to babysit a bunch of four-year-old kids, having to play entertainer as well as protector when Monsieur Mallah shows up to fuck them up? 

Raven was scripted wonderfully in this episode, with her irritation at being stuck on a mission that's absolutely counter to her personality being conveyed wonderfully as her goth/emo passive-aggressiveness absolutely fails when dealing with five-year-olds fighting over a blanket or vomiting over travel-sickness. It's also hilarious to have Raven try to entertain the kids by telling stories and absolutely scaring the shit out of them and quickly concluding it with "my friends saved me and we all ate cake the end." We get some utterly awesome fighting scenes too with a couple of cool set pieces when Mallah attacks them on the cable car and later on the train. And the battle between Mallah and the imagination-created giant teddy bear is pretty fun, too.

Of course, just why they couldn't have taken the T-jet or Cyborg's T-car or even used Raven's ability to cloak people within her shadow-raven form is never explained. Yeah, Teether gets sick when you use platforms, but what about all the other ways? And why bring them to the monks, who prove to be immediately unable to protect the kids when Mallah decides to attack with a tank? 

Add that to the fact that Melvin, Timmy and Teether are actually all quite annoying little shits, too, that it's a bit hard to really care for the little brats. The constant reminders that, hey, Melvin has a imaginary friend and Timmy is a little shit that needs some proper discipline really makes it hard to care for the kids. Maybe have another Titan (Starfire feels clueless and is basically a big baby that can tick Raven off) show up to be a less-irritating character for Raven to bounce dialogue off of, and reduce the kids from three to two or one? I dunno.

Despite this the episode is still quite decent fun, with Raven managing to carry the episode mostly on her own back, so despite the strange logical holes that the episode wants us to jump through, it's still a pretty decent episode if you can get over the kids' annoyance factor. Definitely not the best episode in the fifth season, but it's one that I liked a fair bit more than I remembered it to be.

Boku no Hero Academia 139 Review: The Raid

Boku no Hero Academia, Chapter 139: Bone Chilling Underground Labyrinth

I forgot to review last week's chapter, but it's basically the raid starting. Ryukyuu turns into a dragon, and Overhaul unleashes his eight pawns to hold back the superhero raid before he disappears. Lots of cool powers being thrown around in both that chapter and this one, and it's just a blast to read. So many characters running around, trying to get to Eri, trying to survive the onslaught of supervillain yakuzas and trying to figure out who sold them out and stuff.

Nighteye leads the bulk of the main characters (aside from Ryukyu and the three girls that are handling the big muscly yakuza dude outside) into the base, unlocking things due to his future sight that he got from the one dude he touched. We get to see the cockroach hero and Bubble Girl's powers at last. Cockroach hero's powers... are giant centipedes! From his sleeves! What a plot twist! I like him even more. I'm not sure how Bubble Girl's bubble powers work, apparently they kind of allow her to teleport behind some dude? Or is it just regular quick movement and the bubbles are a distraction? Not sure.

The Nighteye Squad come through a wall created by Overhaul to block the way, and after Mirio phases through it, Midoriya and Kirishima smash it in one of yet another awesome two-page splash panel. And then it's followed by the entire corridor suddenly warping and just blooping around, and one of the heroes identifies this as the quirk of a member of the Clenasers called Irinaka (a.k.a. Mimic, the cute little plague doctor dude we keep seeing before that I really like)... but it's way too much for Irinaka to handle, so apparently he doped on power-enhancing drugs or something.

Which, by the way, is apparently a tie-in to the Vigilante spin-off, which has been dealing with power-enhancing drugs a long, long while before the drug was shown in action in the main series. Very, very cool bit of tie-in, and one that is appropriate considering it's a superhero story.

Mimic's possessed the entire corridor and turned it into a labyrinth. Eraserhead can't erase the quirk without seeing the user's body, Suneater is panicking... but Mirio? Mirio just charges headlong, because all of this isn't a hindrance to his intangibility abilities. There are these weird panels with a shadowy figure of a grinning dude, that I'm not sure what it's supposed to represent. The rest of the cast fall down into a room, and are met with three of Overhaul's pawns, which are, er, Faceless Bald Dude, Scarecrow, Pretty-Boy Bird Masked Dude With A Tie (PBBMDWAT for short). 

Fat Gum is about to engage them, but Suneater, encouraged by Mirio's words before when he's flipping his shit, says that he's going to give his all and basically take on all three at the same time. You go, Suneater. Use those sun-eating powers. Or, well, swordfish powers. Suneater's cool. A bit of a wimp, but cool nonetheless.Very much enjoying this arc. There's just so much chaos in the raid and I love it. 

One Piece 866 Review: Bad-Good Parenting

One Piece, Chapter 866: Natural Born Destroyer

After a one-week hiatus, we return to our regularly scheduled One Piece reviews. The cover page is still following Cavendish, about how his sheer bishonen powers causes so many women to refuse to marry. Er, because.

We open in the flashback of little Charlotte Linlin, who the manga takes pains to point out that she's "human, 5 years old", even though she's easily triple the size of her parents, who tells her to wait on that spot while they handle some business. Even as a child, she's very much enamoured with sweets and candy. Apparently little Linlin is exiled from the country, and her parents are pretty upset as they sailed away from the island. And, well, Linlin just waits and waits and waits, all Charmander-style.

Then we cut away to how, a hundred years ago, the two great warrior pirate captains of Elbaf (Brogy and Dorry, of course) went missing, and when their crew were about to be executed by the Marines, young Sister Carmel (who's pretty!) shows up, claiming that the Heavens demand a peaceful resolution. Sister Carmel beseeched the marine heads to spare the pirates, and her speech about how the heavens will be upset is followed by a storm appearing (conveniently, or on purpose?). The argument that the execution of Elbaf's pirates will cause retaliation causes the pirates to be spared, and Carmel apparently guided said pirates, as well as orphaned children, and ends up being the bridge of friendship between races.

Then she got old, and turned into how she looked in Big Mom's photograph in the present day. Carmel, of course, adopted big, baby Charlotte Linlin among her assortment of orphaned kids in the island of Elbaf. We get to see Linlin acting like a child. She tried to make a bear and a wolf become friends with each other, and accidentally killed the bear when she lightly hit the bear for eating the wolf, but Carmel saw the good intentions in Linlin, and tells her that she's a good child.

Really, really should've taught her how to control her strength, though. Good intentions don't matter if you break some random dude's bones when you're trying to help swat a mosquito, because, y'know, that dude's bones are still broken. And honestly, I don't agree with Carmel's method of parenting at all, and with her forgiving every single near-mutilation that Linlin does because "aw, she's a kid, she doesn't know better", look at how warped her world-view ends up being! Parents, encourage your kids and don't be a jackass, but sometimes kids need to be sat down and have a long, slow talk about how sometimes they hurt people even though they mean well.

Oh, and Linlin's obsession in making everyone get along and confirm to her ideas of normalcy is totally why she's, like, marrying all kinda of different races and having children with them, right?

Anyway, Linlin is accepted into Elbaf culture because giants are nice, and she's introduced to the most horrible thing she could probably imagine -- a 12-day fasting festival, apparently in celebration of the birth of Prince Loki. Oh, and we also get to see young Hajrudin, training to become the successor and/or second-in-command to one of the great pirate warriors (who, um, will totally end up showing up to be Luffy's very influential allies somewhere in the future, yeah?). We also get to see Omo and Kasshi, the giants from the Enies' Lobby arc, hang out and talking about how they should go get their captains around ten years later.

We also get to see two super-old elders of the village, "Waterfall Beard" Yoruru and "Mountain Beard" Yaruru, who, while respecting of the trading-over-pillaging concept that Carmel brought to their land, but they kind of don't want the old viking-giant style of warrior culture to be forgotten.

Also, someone had to tell Linlin that there is this super-delicious snack called Semla, and she goes full gluttony and starts eating it a lot. Three days later, fasting doesn't agree well with Linlin, of course, and her obsession with sweets, and the bad parenting mentality of 'oh, she doesn't mean any harm, so it's okay' combined with the fact that she's apparently a super-powered child...

Ends up having Linlin fuck up the village. I'm pretty sure all the giants that are on the ground around the rampaging semla-hungered Linlin only have broken bones and concussions, but still, come on. Yes, Yoruru going straight into "kill the kid!" mode isn't much better (and he's probably going to get killed by Linlin because of it) but honestly, can you blame the kid? Blame the parent, really, for spoiling the kid so much that she literally can't take no for an answer. And before someone mentions it -- no, a parent that enables and spoils their child is nowhere as bad as a piece of human filth like Judge that actively shits on their offspring, but you can't say that Carmel's methods of parenting are good at all. 

So, yeah. A pretty decent flashback, I suppose. Shows the origin of Big Mom's warped womanchild personality, and manages to show Carmel as a kind and well-intentioned parent. Even if I strongly disagree with her parenting methods. 

Supergirl S02E19 Review: Convenient Moral Episode

Supergirl, Season 2, Episode 19: Alex

This is... not an episode I'm a big fan of. The concept of the episode is relatively decent. Writing an episode revolving around Supergirl and Maggie butting heads about her superhero swoop-in-punch-faces technique is, while inevitably going to lead to several exhaustively preachy moments, still a pretty relevant topic to be explored in a series about a godlike superhero. Yes, Maggie does have a point that Supergirl might be just a wee bit too destructive (smashing holes in buildings, anyone?) and apparently criminals have been using the 'Supergirl Defense' to get out of trials, but honestly, if the choice comes to a swift, decisive end of a hostage situation, regardless of how long you've been standing there with a megaphone and negotiating (also, Maggie, you have Kara on speed-dial, why the fuck are you negotiating for hours) would still be preferable. In the words of the Flash from Justice League Unlimited: "the bad guys got taken down and no one got hurt, that's a good day".

But should the way to explore this particular issue be the inclusion of one of Supergirl's most ridiculous enemies ever, mr. Richard Malverne? Apparently this random ex-classmate of Kara Danvers is so freaking well-prepared that he (a) knows Supergirl's secret identity, (b) capable enough to take down Alex, a trained DEO agent, (c) have the resources and ability to build a foolproof cage equipped with a James Bond villain flood-the-cage-system that is able to evade Supergirl's super-senses, (d) apparently able to wire the camera on said cage through several laptops that is so well-done that mr. "I hack alien operating systems every weekend" Winslow Schott can't break it, (e) knows everything about the DEO and (f) somehow managed to block J'onn J'onzz's telepathy... all so that he can blackmail Supergirl to break his father out of jail. Why not use all that resources to break your father out of jail instead of antagonizing Supergirl? Also, how?

They try to pull off a Batman-style situation with Richard Malverne, but honestly, the sheer amount of ass-pulls that they went to make Supergirl, J'onn and the rest of the DEO basically look like complete morons is ridiculous. Also the inconsistency in this episode's own logic -- Malverne can somehow block J'onn's telepathy, but not to save him from being mindwiped at the end of the episode? -- is very galling.

They try their hardest to make the plotline work, but the petty arguments between Maggie Sawyer and Supergirl just felt forced and over-dramatized, Malverne felt like a boring Gary Stu villain, and the general difficulty in suspending my disbelief in this show (and it's a show that stars a flying, godlike reporter with laser eyes, who hangs around with a shapeshifting, telepathic martian).

Oh, meanwhile, the B-plot has Lena Luthor be played like a puppet by Queen Rhea. So yeah, it's some pretty blatant setup for the season finale as Rhea shapes up to be the main villain instead of Cadmus, though I wouldn't rule out them showing up to fuck shit up. This B-plot was... well, Lena was smart enough to deduce that Rhea was an alien with that DNA scanning device, and I kind of buy that Rhea would be able to appeal to the part of Lena Luthor that yearns for approval from a parental figure...

But on the other hand, how the hell did Rhea (a.k.a. Queen Xenophobe) learn Earth's culture so much that she can hold a conversation with Lena that references things like universities and pop cultures, and apparently learn so much about Lena Luthor in order to push the right buttons? Again, it's something that doesn't really make sense in terms of the show's internal logic.

So yeah, this episode is, in my opinion, pretty much kinda a failure on all levels. Season two of Supergirl has had this consistent, fun feeling that made it so much more immensely enjoyable than the very spotty quality of the first season, but this episode was the first in a very long time that I really kept looking at the clock, waiting for the episode to end and groaning at every stupid development.

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Richard "Dick" Malverne was from the Golden Age era of the DC comics, a hopeless suitor of Supergirl who is involved in several stories of trying to prove that Supergirl and her civilian alter-ego, Linda Lee, was one and the same, basically acting as a gender-flipped version of Lana Lang. Comics' Malverne was a lot more benign in his intentions, though, never actually being any more than a nuisance. 
• Young Kara saving the family from a burning car was from episode 17 of the first season.
• Kara mentions that she stands for "hope, help and compassion", which is one of Supergirl's catchphrases from the comics. 
• Dick calls Kara a 'mild-mannered reporter', a reference to a phrase that's used to describe Clark Kent all the time. He also calls her 'girl scout' several times, which, of course, is a reference to Superman's nickname of Boy Scout.
• Kara quips about flying fast enough to turn back time, which, of course, is a reference to the first Superman movie where he does exactly just that. 

The Flash S03E22 Review: The Heist

The Flash, Season 3, Episode 22: Infantino Street

This is the second-to-last episode of Flash's third season, and 'Infantino Street' fits both a very entertaining side-plot and the Savitar story very well, something that the previous episode struggled to do. I still feel that the ultimate buildup to the Savitar main plot is absolutely uneven, but at least this episode manages to strike a pretty good balance between the two. Though maybe it's just me geeking out at seeing Leonard Snart finally back. Bring him back again for realsies, CW, jeez. It's not like you'll really be upsetting anyone by bringing him back -- you guys yourself clearly like having the dude around. This is, what, the third time he's back in a fashion?

The episode has the Savitar threat forefront even when the heist caper plot is happening. The episode opens with a pretty somber scene of Team Flash bonding and preparing themselves for the final however many hours they get before Savitar murders Iris. The moment between Barry and Joe is unbelievably sweet. Of course, the lack of Julian, one of the main cast members, makes the episode feel a little odd, but Julian's hardly the most essential character, really. We quickly attempt to get the MacGuffin that's foreshadowed last episode, but Lyla quickly says 'no'. It's a Dominator technology, and she doesn't know, really, just what Barry is planning to do with it.

I'm not quite sure why they didn't just stuff Iris inside the anti-metahuman facility, because, well, they established that Barry can't get through the metahuman dampeners, so why would Savitar?

But hey, I guess they really, really want to complete the Speed Force Bazooka, so Barry decides that the only way to do it is to steal it. But he's not a thief, so he goes through the... rather convoluted plan of going to a point in time around halfway through Legends of Tomorrow to pick up Captain Cold, bring him back to 2017, and then recruit him in trying to steal the Dominator tech. Why Captain cold specifically, why so intent on stealing, I'm honestly not sure, but hey, it does give us the very, very entertaining three-way battle between the Flash, King Shark and Captain Cold, so I'm not really complaining all that much.

After the heist subplot, which also has Captain Cold address the changes that Barry has gone through character-wise, we get back to the Savitar plotline and that went about as well for our characters as you'd expect, though I'll talk about that later.

First, let's talk about the Captain Cold thing. I've got my disdain of bringing him back but not really out of the way, I've acknowledged how utterly convoluted it was to get the heist plot going on, but the convoluted reintroduction of Captain Cold into the episode as a guest star kind of works to the story's advantage. Both Flash and Captain Cold have gone through a lot of character development after they parted ways when Legends of Tomorrow began, but despite being rivals and nemeses of sorts, they actually didn't have a lot of characterization with each other.

So yeah, it's nice for Captain Cold, who's on his way to becoming a hero from a villain, acknowledge how dark Barry has been, and is trapped between maintaining his cold (hee hee) facade of being a badass evil master thief and egging Barry on about doing 'murdery' stuff, but at the same time stopping Barry from killing King Shark in cold blood and propose a non-lethal situation. And this ends up sparking some really great moments from Barry, who, like Lyla said, chose to risk his mission (and Iris' life) in order to save Captain Cold's life.

It's a great series of interactions, where Flash's earlier meetings with Captain Cold ended up inspiring him to be a better man and eventually a hero, and the good Captain is able to return the favour in this episode by inspiring Barry to, well, basically weaponize his goodness and not fall into the same trap that Savitar fell into.

The battle between King Shark and the Flash-Cold team up wasn't as epic as our full-out sea battle between Flash and King Shark (still one of my favourite action sequences in CW) but it's hilarious how the freeze grenade allowed the creators to make a fair amount of Jaws references like the shark fin and stuff. Also, since when does King Shark have a super-regenerative factor? Having him regrow that hand instantly felt like it came out of nowhere.

Also, I'm a little confused why the metahuman dampener doesn't inhibit King Shark's regeneration powers, or his, y'know, sharkiness. Maybe they modified it so it doesn't work on ol' Sharky?

In any case, thanks to H.R.'s big mouth, Savitar finds out where Iris is, and in a very, very brutal showdown, we get a brutally short battle between Kid Flash and Savitar. Harry Wells and Joe West gave it their all, as ineffective as they are, but Kid Flash's barrage of punches only ears him a shattered knee and being thrown around the room. I'm a bit sad we didn't manage to get Jesse Quick in for a requisite 'all the other speedsters other than Barry fight Savitar' scene, but I'll take what I can get.

The stage is set, and our heroes go to meet the villains. Flash goes off to face Savitar, and Cisco... gets a vibe of him and Caitlin fighting in a forested area. I'm not sure why Cisco decides that it has to be now, but hey, it makes the finale a lot tenser, and we get the long-awaited mano-a-mano Flash/Savitar and Vibe/Killer Frost fights.

The buildup was a bit tense, and we did get some more character moments for Savitar, that, while felt more like 'too little too late', it's better to have some characterization than none. We get to see the broken, angry and jealous man under the armour, bristling at being called Barry Allen, and being a complete monster since he's, y'know, less Future Barry Allen and more Barry Allen Clone. The episode ends with Savitar succeeding in stabbing Iris, and while part of me is absolutely annoyed that the half-season-long buildup ended up kind of not mattering in the end because nothing they did ended up mattering, but on the other hand that's going to make up for a very interesting finale.

Also the Speed Force Bazooka is totally like a Ghostbusters Proton Pack Cannon, isn't it?

Meanwhile, after a very heartwarming moment between Cisco and an absolutely distraught H.R. (how is he going to play into the finale beyond being morose and self-loathing?), he goes off to face off against Caitlin, but we don't really get much conclusion on that end. It's slightly obvious that Killer Frost is going to be very instrumental in whatever happens next, and this episode drops more hints of Caitlin trying to resurface.

Honestly, I haven't been really vocal about it, but I'm honestly not very okay with the whole Killer Frost thing just being an evil split personality. When post-Flashpoint Killer Frost was introduced in episode... seven, I think, of this season, she was just Caitlin Snow who seeped too much into her anger and other negative emotions, making everything that Caitlin does as Killer Frost ultimately accountable to her. Here she's just an evil personality, and it's just way too convenient for them to 'kill' Killer Frost and return/redeem Caitlin. It's just a matter of rescuing Caitlin from her split personality, and giving us a clear villain to punch means that, well, it's not a fight to get Caitlin to actually stop being evil, it's a fight to rescue Caitlin from an evil entity. Which isn't as exciting if it was really Caitlin Snow gone evil, and not just an evil personality. That's just me, though. 

Now we'll see what next episode will bring, if the final episode will bring a satisfying conclusion to this Savitar mess, and maybe it won't be entirely too predictable. It's not the best sequence of events at all, considering how under-developed Savitar still is, and how much I'm not okay with the Killer Frost development, but considering what they have to work with, this episode isn't bad at all.

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Cheetah, a longtime enemy of Wonder Woman, is among the prisoners in the ARGUS facility. Other than Cheetah and King Shark, also interred in ARGUS are returning characters Gorilla Grodd (last seen a couple of episodes ago) and Cupid (last seen a while back in Arrow).
• Flash makes note that this is where Waller keeps the Suicide Squad, and both King Shark and Cheetah are pretty prominent members of different incarnations of the Suicide Squad.
• Infantino Street is a reference to Carmine Infantino, a Silver Age writer for the Flash that's responsible for a good part of his mythos, among them creating Captain Cold. 
• Various references to older episodes are made, in addition to Captain Cold (the inclined-towards-good version from season one of Legends of Tomorrow) and King Shark returning, among them:
• The plot device being of Dominator origin, with the Dominators having attempted to invade Earth during the Invasion! multi-part crossover. 
• Captain Cold makes references to the last time he and Barry teamed up (the end of season one) where he double-crossed Barry. 
• Barry references the events 'Attack on Gorilla City/Central City' two parter for Captain Cold's benefit. 
• Captain Cold's departing line, 'no strings on me', is a reference to his pre-death one-liner in the penultimate episode of Legends of Tomorrow's first season. 
• Captain Cold also references his sister, Lisa Snart, and the attraction she and Cisco has for each other, as well as an event in Legends of Tomorrow where he got his arm sliced of. 

The Flash S03E21 Review: The Origin of Savitar

The Flash, Season 3, Episode 21: Cause and Effect

So, the episode gives us, in an opening scene, the origin of Future Barry Allen, or Savitar. It's a little convoluted, but both Savitar's monologues and Cisco's chalkboard diagram shows how it kind of makes sense. Savitar is one of the time remnants that Barry, after Iris's death, will create in order to try and stop Savitar, and when he fails, the time remnant that would be Savitar is met with scorn and rejection for not being the real Barry Allen, causing him to become Savitar and travel into the past and start the cult that Julian has been researching.

It's a little convoluted, but it makes sense, in a weird "time travel, do you expect consistency?" way.

Also, it's very strangely convoluted that apparently the message in the Waverider referred to Barry Allen's future doppelganger, despite the wording not really implying any of that at all. I really liked the wordplay between "I am the future, Flash" and "I am the Future Flash" bit, though, that was hilarious.

Honestly, I'm... I'm not quite impressed. It's a backstory, that's for sure, but like Zoom before him, I just really find Savitar really hard to be invested in personally. His backstory is a glorified infodump, and his personality boils down to 'sneering Barry Allen'. We did get a couple of cool action scenes between him and present-day Barry, though, and the robot armour moving on its own is a pretty cool and unintentionally absolutely hilarious scene.

Again, there were a lot of parts of season three that worked, but so much of it didn't and Savitar as an underwhelming main villain is the crux of all that. Zoom was flat and convoluted, sure, but at least he had a presence in the show where he actually did stuff, so we have an idea of who Zoom is even before he reveals the mask to show that he's actually (fake) Jay Garrick. Ditto for Reverse-Flash in the first season. Here, Savitar is... just... kinda there, popping in and out of the plot to be mysterious and creepy and spout "I KNOW YOUR FUTURE YOU WILL SUFFER FUCKERS!" threat-prophecies.

The fact that the episode quickly delves into a bizarre episode instead of embracing the 'Evil Future Barry' and exploring the aftermath of that revelation, though, we sift through the list of "obligatory episode variations in a TV show" and pick The Amnesia Episode. Which... which honestly felt bizarre. If this exact plot had happened earlier, or maybe if it didn't happen straight on the heels of such a huge impact revelation, I might probably like it more. On the other hand, it did, and where the show could've made an effort to make me actually understand more of Savitar as a person, he ends up getting removed from play and keeling over in pain while present-day Barry loses his emotions and gets put through, well, basically a wacky lose-memory episode. It's a fun romp, don't get me wrong, it just feels really weird after the series of relatively Savitar/main plot centric episodes, we end up having a well-and-truly filler episode where the heroes fuck up, try to fix their problem, and at the end of the episode all the pieces are back where they came from.

Sure, they try to inject some actually funny comedy -- the meta-joke of Barry referring to himself as 'Bart' is hilarious, and Iris's speech is kinda heartwarming, and the courtroom scene is pretty funny, and I giggled my ass off when Wally tells Barry that they're brothers and Barry looks at his hand and Wally just gives this sheepish grin and it's absolutely hilarious. But honestly, while I do appreciate the story having an emotional core of Iris acknowledging that Barry is so happy and whether they should take it away and return EmoBarry, it's a moot point and one that, again, felt out of place. Not when they've just dropped a crapton of Savitar bombs a couple of minutes ago. And obviously Barry needs his memory back to be the Flash, and we get the 'all the good and bad memories make up a person' moral. There are some nice Caitlin moments as she re-integrates herself to work with Cisco and Julian, but nothing really significant came out of that, I think, beyond re-establishing some of the scenes we've seen before -- basically, Caitlin is still down there, somewhere, and like how Killer Frost keeps pawing to get out earlier in the season, it's now Caitlin Snow that's threatening to consume Killer Frost. Not the most subtle of split personality portrayals, but I'll take it.

Oh, and we have a very exhausting H.R./Tracy romance going on, which I'll just mention that I really, really didn't care for it. Both characters are very charismatic, as are the actors (Tom especially so), but I just really didn't give a shit about a filler subplot within a filler episode.

Still, as much as I'm not a big fan of this episode, kudos, really, to Grant Gustin for playing three versions of Barry ('real' Barry, happy-go-lucky amnesiac Barry, and evil scarface Savitar Barry) at the same time in this episode. Add that to Emo Future Barry from a couple of episodes ago, and Earth-2 Megadork Barry, and we have a serious competitor between Grant Gustin and Tom Cavanagh as the character who's played the most alternate versions of himself.

Shit, if you wanted to make a filler episode, at least make it awesome. Like what the final scene of this episode promises... next week, we're going to steal some super-power core to power Tracy's Speed Force Bazooka... and guarding it is KING SHARK!

Savitar? Future Flash.

Overall, though, not an episode that really impressed, I'm afraid. At least we got Savitar's backstory, which is something.

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Now with Savitar's origin in the open, it's clear which character he's actually based on. While the Savitar name and the god complex fits with the villain named Savitar from the comics, his visual appearance (jet-black with blue lightning) and his status as a future version of Barry Allen harkens more to the Future Flash from New 52, who is a version of Barry who travels to the present day to fix his mistakes of allowing Wally West to die... in a rampage that led him to attempt to kill all of the villains of Central City and do battle with the present-day versions of Barry and Wally. 
• The amnesiac Barry Allen insisting that his name be shortened to 'Bart' instead of 'Barry' is, of course, a reference to Bart Allen, a.k.a. Impulse, the great-grandson of Barry Allen who traveled to the present-day as the superhero Impulse, later training under Wally West to become the second Kid Flash, and later succeed Wally himself as the fourth Flash briefly. Bart and Barry, of course, have the exact same first name, Bartholomew, the former being named after the latter.
• It's also apparently a homage to a similar scene where Bart Allen appeared in the Smallville TV show, where he introduces himself with the fake ID's of Jay Garrick, Wally West and Barry Allen.
• Amnesiac Barry also suggests his superhero nickname as 'the Streak', which, in addition to be a name that he was briefly referred to early on in season one by the media, is also the name of a Jay Garrick Expy from the Justice League cartoon.

Teen Titans S05E06 Review: Odd Couple

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 6: Kole

It's another episode that uses the 'Teen Titans hang out with a guest star' thing again, this time featuring a weird Savage Land-esque location in the middle of the Antarctic, as well as the relatively more obscure titans Kole and Gnarrk. It's a fun little concept that... really didn't do that much with its concept. The episode starts with the Titans fighting Doctor Light (have I told you how much I love Teen Titans' version of Dr Light?) in the Antarctic where he's trying to siphon the aurora or something to empower his light-based doomsday weapon. After several episodes of disappointing action that never lives up to the big action scenes promised with the Doom Patrol opener (though to be fair, Snowblind's plot really didn't lend itself to good action scenes) we get a couple of impressive bit both in the beginning and the end of the episode with Doctor Light being this final boss in the center fighting the Titans, and later combined with Kole and Gnarrk.

The thing, really, is probably how similar it is to previous episodes guest-starring a single (or two, in this case) character. While the setting and the characters and the powers are different, it's retreading most of the same ground and the somewhat-interesting Savage Land setting ended up being nothing but a backdrop. The two new honorary Titans are Kole and Gnarrk... who are both two relatively obscure Titans that never interacted in the comics. Kole is pretty cute, this little pink-haired excited girl that's just happy to hang out with the Titans, while Gnarrk is a dumb caveman that's jealous that Kole is having such good time with Cyborg that are so obviously superior to Gnark's caveman ugga-ugga-ing. I find Gnarrk somewhat irritating, honestly. Not every character with a speech impediment can be Groot, and Gnarrk's just... well, very one-note.

The little sub-plot of Gnarrk's jealousy and inadequacy is self-imposed and unimpressive, though Dr. Light kidnapping Kole to use her as a prism in his doomsday weapon is a nice way to integrate the villain to the new-Titan-introduction plot. All things considered the plot felt quite generic, and despite the cool redesign of Kole (Kole's design is one of my favourite comic-to-cartoon translations that this show makes) both she and Gnarrk really failed to be interesting, and I think that's one of the biggest problems of the guest stars like Speedy, Aqualad, Mas y Menos, Hot Spot, Kole, et cetera. While the Teen Titans themselves are very interesting and fleshed-out, the guest stars tend to be one-note and generically heroic, with one or two small conflict balls like Gnarrk's jealousy or Red Star's cowardice that's ironed out at the end of the episode... and they really cold afford to be far more interesting than that. Justice League Unlimited manages to do this with a far larger cast and far smaller screentime for the characters it features, so it's a bit of a shame that Teen Titans never quite got the same amount of grip on its guest stars. 

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• In the comics, Kole Weathers was genetically modified by her paranoid scientist father to survive a nuclear holocaust, and gained the ability to create silicon crystals at will -- instead of transforming into super-hard crystals as she did in this cartoon. Kole never officially joined the Teen Titans team, but was considered a member by most characters involved. She was killed during Crisis of the Infinite Earths, and has remained dead ever since. 
• Gnarrk is a time-displaced neanderthal that was frozen in ice with some mystical comet thing keeping him alive for a relatively long time until Lilith Clay/Omen (who was Gnarrk's love interest instead of Kole in the comics) of the Teen Titans discovered him frozen in ice. While still grunting and gnarrking all the time, the comet gave him heightened intelligence beyond normal cavemen, and he served as a member of the Teen Titans until the comet's power ran out and he expired. 
• The Journey to the Center of the Earth/Savage Land style land that the Titans find themselves in is probably supposed to be Skartaris if we're going by DC lore, which is the setting of the Warlord comic book series. When we reach Justice League Unlimited's "Chaos at the Earth's Core" episode, we'll talk more about it.

The Flash S03E20 Review: The Man Behind the Mask is...

The Flash, Season 3, Episode 20: I Know Who You Are

Woo, we're back!

Nineteen episodes. That was how long we had to wait to learn Savitar's true identity. That's probably a record for the CW show, really. And it's not that the show's really dropping any hints to make any sort of speculation, because between Earth-2 doppelgangers, future/past selves and the ghost of Tommy Merlyn, the pool of characters to really speculate and choose from is a bit too large. Add that to the requisite Scooby Doo reveal with Julian Albert as Dr. Alchemy (of course the newly-introduced supporting character is one of the mysterious masked villains!) the fact that we really don't get any other new characters worth mentioning means that unless it's a blast from the past like, oh, an insane Ronnie Raymond or Captain Cold, saved from their untimely deaths, then the mystery really can't go into a satisfying conclusion.

And, well, it kind of... did and didn't at the same time. So, if that huge paragraph isn't a clue for those who are unspoiled to stay the fuck away from the rest of the review, we get to learn that Savitar is actually Barry Allen. Or, well, a future Barry Allen, anyway. A version of him. We don't actually get to learn the specifics until next episode, because Savitar himself only shows up for like ten seconds at the end. Future Wally/Future Barry has always been one of the most common theories flying around so it came to me as something of a disappointment... but at least it's not H.R. or Julian, both of which would be too obvious, too repetitive and too dumb to make work.

The thing is, Flash is perfectly capable of still delivering very solid episodes despite the questionable way that they handle the Savitar plot. The majority of the episode centers around Killer Frost's descent into evil, as she tries to eliminate Tracy Brand, the scientist who would be responsible for creating the technology that binds Savitar, in a wholesale plot reference to the Terminator. I really want to say that Savitar should know better than to mess with his past (what's to guarantee that he'll end up still here if he fucks with his past?) but then I remember that Savitar is Barry Allen, and Barry Allen and sensible time travel? Not a great mix.

But I digress. See, just like the Abra Kadabra episode a while back, the episode works so well because of the Savitar elements as the 'greater evil' hanging behind Caitlin's back, but on the other hand, it is also a huge distraction because both Killer Frost and Abra Kadabra are so entertaining, and their respective plotlines really didn't need to be bogged down by the constant mysteries surrounding Savitar. Which, truth be told, was something I personally didn't care about already halfway throughout the season. It was worse than what it was with Zoom, and at least with Zoom the audience did get a couple of sudden plot twists here and there instead of dragging out the mystery all the way to nearly the end of the season.

Still, Killer Frost! She's embraced her villainous nature, burying Caitlin Snow under a the ice villain persona. And shit, we got so, so much awesome action scenes from her. Between Barry channeling his inner Roy Mustang and using a speed-enhanced finger snap to unleash a blast of chemical fire onto Killer Frost, to the genuinely impressive Iceman-style mid-air ice rink that Killer Frost pulls as she leads Barry on a chase throughout the city (which I could watch all day long) it's just a delight any time Killer Frost is on stage.

On the other hand, I am definitely pissed off that instead of the 'Killer Frost is a reflection of her innermost desires enhanced' that we got earlier in episode 7 has been effectively replaced with a simple evil personality that makes redemption so much easier. I felt that it honestly was a bit bullshit that Caitlin gets to shrug off her evil supervillain career by just handwaving it as an alternate, evil split personality. That's absolutely annoying. But hey, credit where credit's due, evil personality Killer Frost at least is being as entertaining as can be. Or maybe my standards for godo villains are just so lowered by Savitar being a tit. I dunno.

And honestly, Caitlin's betrayal of the team -- Cisco and Julian especially -- really felt like something emotional that the show really could afford to explore a lot more. It's just s much more entertaining as a conflict point than the mysterious metal boogeyman. Cisco and Caitlin's very close friendship over the entirety of the show is tested more than Caitlin and Julian's romance, which is something I appreciate so, so much. Yes, Julian and Caitlin's relationship was a lot better written than HunterGarrick and Caitlin last season, but it pales compared to the very established bond between Cisco and Caitlin. It's basically something as close as a sibling bond between the two, one that's absolutely close yet both acknowledge it's not romantic. And seeing Cisco's personal conflict as he struggles with the possibility of accidentally killing Caitlin is amazingly done. He compares his upgraded Vibe powers with having two cannons strapped onto his hands, and it's one thing when it's villains like Mxyzptlk or Abra Kadabra that's on the other end of those cannons, but when it's Caitlin, the conflict that pervades Cisco's mind is very relatable. Julian is the other end of the spectrum, and honestly, you can also completely feel for Julian's point of view. He cares for Caitlin as much as Cisco does, but his priority is getting Caitlin back, and sometimes you have to use the rod or you spoil the child.

But Killer Frost is, well, not intent on returning to the fold any time soon, and honestly I really wished they did something more with Killer Frost beyond generic 'I'm evil now, bitches!' Which is entertaining, still, but I dunno. I really wished that they didn't go for the Evil Killer Frost persona gimmick and instead made her anger and treachery came more organically.

(Killer Frost has a very kick-ass costume, by the way... it's more in line with the Rebirth version of her, instead of the wedding dress or the skin-tight lingerie associated with traditional takes on the character, and it's actually a bit o an improvement.)

Not helping the episode is that while not really developing Caitlin all that much, the rest of the episode felt like so much bogged-down filler. Both Joe West and Harrison Wells are played by two of my favourite actors on television full stop, and while they are definitely charismatic enough to make their personal love-life scenes not be boring and felt earnest... I really cannot give a shit. It is arguably important to make Tracy feel like an actual person beyond just a plot device (though since we literally only learned that she exist last episode...) and the actress is charismatic enough, but it feels insanely bogged down to introduce a brand-new character so late in the game. And then to immediately pair her up with one of our main characters. Because no character in the Flash can be single, they have to be in a relationship or be angsting about not being in a relationship!

Joe's love life, again, is delivered with great aplomb from the actor, but on the other hand, god, we really didn't need to have another 'I must be truthful to Cecile about my children's exploits!' storyline. It literally felt shoehorned in -- Cecile isn't that developed or important a character and while I appreciate Joe getting some romantic happiness in his life, it's such a bizarrely out-of-place subplot that takes up so much time in this episode. At least with Tracy and H.R. they are relevant to the overarching Killer Frost/Savitar story.

Ultimately, though, as much as I really like Killer Frost in this episode, there were kind of too many things going against this episode, from weak sub-plots, to a weak overarching mega plot, to even some rather awkward lines from both Barry and Caitlin. So yeah. Hopefully next episode will be a little better. 

Teen Titans S05E05 Review: Comrade

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 5: Snowblind

After two episodes that are mostly disappointing and confusing respectively, Teen Titans finally got a pretty good episode with Snowblind, which manages to both introduce yet another new character while still delivering a good story and putting a nice highlight on a member of the central cast. Teen Titans' sudden change in tone from a Superfriends-style divorced-from-normal-DC-continuity comedy-action show into something that suddenly tries to incorporate a huge chunk of comic-book Teen Titans lore is a bit jarring, but it's one that would've been great if it was all handled the way that Snowblind was, where the main cast isn't unceremoniously shoved aside, but still participated in the plot even if in a reduced role.

It's a bit of a shame that the plot was honestly a bit predictable and the episode suffers a little for it. A rampaging energy monster in a Russian town, as well as the locals' insistence that one of their own caused the disaster, causes the Titans to hunt down and find Red Star. It's a pretty common sci-fi and superhero story to tell, where the person with monstrous power isn't actually responsible for the monster plaguing the local town, though here there's a small twist to the formula that it isn't the villain-of-the-week that's responsible, but rather Red Star himself is tangentially responsible -- his excess siphoned energy has manifested into an energy monster.

Starfire is the Titan that the episode focuses the most on in this episode, being the one that can withstand radiation due to her own starbolt powers, and she meets and befriends Red Star, who's holed himself up in a military bunker. There's a bit of a strange character moment where Starfire charges into battle and leaves the other Titans behind recklessly and collapses in the cold, but her subsequent scenes of bonding with Red Star over being outcasts of some kind finding a place in the world is pretty well-done. This leads to Starfire confronting Red Star over his 'cowardice', which is something Starfire herself has had problems with before -- her focus episodes in the first two seasons all revolve around her lack of self-esteem and fitting in.

There's also something slightly different compared to traditional Teen Titans episodes where we get a short backstory at Red Star's powers, where he was part of a super-soldier program, which is something I appreciate but might be jarring for viewers not used to it. Red Star's role as a tragic being that's forced to painfully store his excess energy every now and then is well-told and portrayed, which is a shame that he was forced to undergo a heroic sacrifice at the end, happy to have briefly made friends and set the villagers straight before he brings the radiation monster into orbit and explodes with it.

I think the episode could've done a lot better by not being so damned depressing, really, though for the most part I actually liked it for trying different avenues at storytelling instead of repeating yet another 'insane' episode format from the first four seasons. I really think throwing in the Brotherhood of Evil plotline -- maybe they're after Red Star too -- could've spiced things up, though that would kind of defeat the whole 'your inner monsters' thing that the episode probably meant to tell us. Could've been better if we had more focus on exploring Red Star's character beyond his guilt-riddled moping instead of focusing on the mystery, but it's still a nice, melancholic episode.

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Red Star, real name Lenoid Kovar, is the first Russian superhero in the DC universe after he was exposed to radiation from a crashed spaceship and obtained radiation powers. Red Star's first superhero name was actually Starfire (which probably explains why he was paired up with Starfire in this cartoon) before Leonid changes his codename to Red Star. He doesn't have the fancy furry hat in the comics, though.

Nanatsu no Taizai 218 Review: There Are No Strings On Me

Nanatsu no Taizai, Chapter 218: So We Meet Again

So, finally, Gowther has his heart back. We get a couple of cool confrontation scenes as Diane tries to stop Gowther from using the amnesia thing no himself, and we get to see that King and Diane has increased their power levels quite dramatically. She's over ten thousand now, and it's not even Diane's final form! King's over 40K, too, which is an insane gap.

Seeing Princess Veronica (very very convenient, isn't it? She literally happens to come by and then run away literally when it's convenient to the plot) and Gowther gets jarred because Veronica resembles her aunt. Which is nice. Some familial resemblance instead of all this reincarnation stuff over and over again. Gowther keeps wanting to erase the noise in his head... and then Merlin comes in.

She reveals the big twist, that the power to love is in Gowther all along! And that the heart is actually, well, just a little trinket -- Gowther was never heartless, he just developed emotions naturally, and suppressed everything so badly that he became a robot puppet. So, yeah. You know a writer is good when she pulls out one of the literal oldest tropes in the book, but still manages to subvert it so much that I legitimately never thought that this was a possibility. 

Of course, Merlin only tells us (and Gowther) this revelation after Diane's rant-speech about friendship jarred Gowther's figurative heart open. Gowther's magical abilities also get a boost, because apparently when he suppressed his memories, he also suppressed a good deal of his magical abilities. Everybody be getting power-ups, Escanor might end up being obsolete soon!

Meliodas, Ban and Escanor show up, and, well, for the first time in the manga, all of the seven sins stand united, hanging out with each other like the pals they are, with all of the conflict that tinged individual members having been dealt with.

That's awesome! Now go kick someone's ass. 

Fairy Tail 536 Commentary: BEST ENDING EVER

Fairy Tail, Chapter 536: The Flame of the Dragon's Roar

Holy shit, that was actually quite fun -- if it was the actual finale and we don't have ten more chapters to go, according to the cover page. Which, by the way, recruiting the Oracion Seis into the Crime Sorcerers ended up being absolutely pointless, wasn't it?

No, I'm not talking about Natsu punching Zeref with a fire punch. That was as interesting as watching paint dry, especially when you have absolutely insipid lines like "my magic is setting time on fire!"

I'm also not going to touch just how in the hell did Annabella or whoever the Heartfilia senior (May Sue is her name from now on because I legit don't care) is called was managed to get the ship flying after it ran out of magic, beyond main character bullshit powers, but Ichiya turns out to be still on the ship. Mary falls down on her ass because she's a piece of shit and not even the writer is going to let her have the victory, so it's Ichiya that drives the ship, telling Mary Sue that, shit, you're a shitty character and you should have never existed. I mean, he tells her some nice, gentlemanly thing about perfumes and shit, because Ichiya is such a gentleman that a shitstain like Mary Sue doesn't even get him riled up.

Ichiya then proceeds to show Acnologia what a sorry piece of shit excuse of an apocalypse dragon he is (he can't even kill a magic-less Jellal even though he's a ten-ton dragon clenching Jellal in his hand). Ichiya does what Jellal couldn't, smashes Acnologia into the time rift, ripping Acnologia's body up and explodes. If only they didn't have ten more chapters left, it would actually be such an amazing moment for the manga for actually daring to use one of its few likabe characters left to end this sorry excuse of a world-ending villain.

And, yeah, some bullshit about Natsu and Zeref that probably was epic for someone below the age of seven. Blah blah flames of the guild, one-punch fire punch, Mavis reaction shot... I would commentate more, but that would mean actually reading the dialogue Natsu spouts, and I value my brain cells. Zeref has fallen, Acnolgia is apparently dead, Mary Sue has been blown up, and all of it thanks to the greatest and only interesting character in Fairy Tail, Ichiya Vandalay Kotobuki.

Great job, Ichiya. If the manga ended like this it would actually somewhat salvage the bullshit we've been put through for the past two years. He just absolutely bitch-slaps Acnologia without much of an effort. No friendship speeches at all, either -- his "Jellal, you're young and loved, live for the sake of your loved ones" speech is such a breath of fresh air compared to all the regurgitated bullshit Natsu is spouting. 

Unfortunately with ten more chapters to go we'll have another -sigh- "epic" confrontation where Natsu punches a reborn Acnologia with a fiery fist. Because that is so fucking interesting.

Oh well, ten more chapters until this trainwreck is done, and throughout this entire final battle, at least we've got one chapter that utterly entertains me.

Regular, rapid-fire content resume next week.

Teen Titans S05E04 Review: Fuck Control Freak

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 4: For Real

One of my least favourite episodes of the Teen Titans is definitely this episode. The premise of the episode is decent enough, bring back Titans East and have them fight Control Freak in wacky hijinks. Except that, well, the wacky hijinks that Control Freak designs for them are so underwhelming and non-threatening that it's hard to even enjoy it. A robotic shark? A bomb under a train? Please. They had so much insanity designing the last Control Freak episode, seriously, this one was absolutely boring. Add that to the fact that Control Freak is an insanely irritating piece of shit only salvaged by the weird pop culture references he makes... yeah. Control Freak in this episode is just utterly irritating. No, the odd fourth-wall-breaking doesn't immediately elevate a character to Deadpool-level meta fun.

The episode spends so much time having Control Freak talk about how the main Teen Titans team aren't around, zooming around with his new 'travel through TV signals' power... and then proceeding to do absolutely nothing with them. Yeah, the main Titans team are off on a mission to like Antarctica or something... but couldn't we have actually seen the Titans leave the tower and fight a little instead of two lines from Cyborg on the T-communicator? JLU had several times showing the main team doing stuff off-screen without really involving them, why couldn't the Titans move the main team aside more gently?

The Titans East team isn't one that I dislike, though there's a lot of hatred directed their way by the fandom. Possibly because their episodes kind of suck. Not the Titans East members themselves, but the episodes they star in generally tend to suck. Maybe because neither Speedy nor Aqualad really had much of a personality beyond being 'cool Robin clones', Bumblebee is just an exasperated Team Mom, and Mas y Menos is hilarious for like the first ten seconds you know them before they are just a borderline-irritating visual gag. The episode really could've given them actual focus, given Speedy or Aqualad something more distinctive beyond 'cool arrow guy' and 'cool fish guy'. But also the character receiving the main bulk of the screentime is Control Freak, which, wow, fuck that dude. Between his nasal voice acting, his silly fourth-wall-breaking "let's talk to people in internet forums" bullshit, it all adds up to nothing but irritation.

And it would be interesting, really, if this B-team was given something interesting to do, but after a boring and quick Control Freak chase scene, we get... 'threats tailored to fit the individual Titan'... which meant... Aqualad has to fight a robot shark, Bumblebee had to stop an exploding bomb, Mas y Menos had to press two buttons at the same time, Speedy had to... do some shit that involves saving people, I totally forgot and it was an hour ago that I watched this episode. This episode had such a boring one, and my brief notes end up being three dozen variations of "fuck Control Freak" and "Control Freak is annoying".

Overall... yeah, I dunno what else I can say. Control Freak is annoying. Thankfully this is his last speaking role, so he can fuck off and die. Compared to the Mad Mod episodes, or the Mumbo episodes, or even Control Freak's last outing, this one is just so bland.


DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Andre LeBlanc is a master jewel thief from France that fought the Teen Titans several times. That's... all there is about the character, really. 

Teen Titans S05E03 Review: Kidnapping Titans

Teen Titans, Season 5, Episode 3: Trust

The first in the many episodes to focus on the 'Titan Hunt', the fifth season tries to not follow the steps that the fourth season did, which was to alternate super-serious-demons-are-coming episode with insane Tofu Aliens Invading ones. 

This is also the first of many episodes to just feature only one or two of the core Titans (this episode features almost exclusively Robin, with Starfire having around a minute of screentime early on) and have a different guest star superhero, trying to ape the way that Justice League Unlimited operates. And honestly I'm fine with it! If anything, it kind of highlights the more global and high-stakes tone that the fifth season had. That's not the problem with this episode. Really, the biggest problem was the stupidity that Robin and Hot Spot had throughout this episode.

The episode starts off quite promising, showing Wildebeest, one of the guest Titans from one of the best season two episodes, be hunted down, knocked out and his communicator destroyed. We then cut away to Hot Spot, who's awesome and being a superhero -- Hot Spot does give the showmakers ample opportunities to deliver some insane-looking fire action. 

But between Madame Rogue trying to trick Hot Spot by pretending to be Robin, the real Robin shows up, the two Robins fight, Rogue is actually impersonating Hot Spot, et cetera, et cetera. The shapeshifting bit ends up being quite confusing, and honestly both Robin and Hot Spot made some really stupid calls. Rogue being obviously Rogue when she tells Hot Spot to power down like two dozen times ends up being a dead giveaway too, and Hot Spot being so reckless and brash causes the dude to feel like a bit of a moron. The resulting ending, with Hot Spot apparently buried under a building and Wildebeest apparently left for dead (we know they're not, but still) and Madame Rogue winning and obtaining the T-communicator, ends as a depressing ending to a pretty confusing and bland episode.

Overall, while Madame Rogue had some pretty menacing and threatening appearances with her paranoia-inducing powers,the attempt to keep the audience guessing which of the superheroes is actually Madame Rogue ends up kind of falling short, leading to a muddled mess where both Robin and Hot Spot come off as incompetent. 

Movie Review: Alien vs Predator

Alien vs. Predator [2004]

So, I really, really like the Alien series. Like, it's not the best movie series out there, but the first two films are genuinely good, I'm a huge fan of the pretty disturbing designs of the xenomorphs, and the Aliens vs Predator game on the PlayStation 3 got me absolutely immersed in the lore of the series.

There's a new Alien movie out which I totally did not fucking realize and honest-to-god was coincidental, because I watched this movie a couple of weeks ago. I won't be able to watch that movie until at least a couple more weeks, but I can review Alien vs. Predator first.

Sadly, like many franchises, back in the 80's-90's both the Alien and Predator series suffers a fair bit from sequelitis. I don't think it ever got as bad as horror movies like the Freddy/Jason movies where the later sequels are literal shit, but some of the later Alien movies are pretty bad.

You can always rely on the series to deliver a pretty cool science-fiction horror-action combo, though. And some of the movies in this series that I haven't seen, ironically, is Alien vs Predator, the namesake of a video game very dear to my heart.

It sounds like a pretty strange thing, really, when you think about it. I think the existence of the movies and video games and comics have intrinsically bound the two sci-fi alien franchises together, despite the attempts of the filmmakers to utterly divorce the two of them from each other, essentially decanonizing the two Alien vs Predator movies with Prometheus and Predators. But shit, these two movies exist, apparently they're super-shit, and I'll be looking at them.

And I find out that... Alien vs Predator isn't actually terrible. We'll talk about Requiem probably when I'm a little more inebriated, but I actually enjoyed myself when I watched AvP. Sure, the movie has its share of loop holes that can probably only be chalked up to 'the Predators just really, really want to hunt the Aliens for sport', but shit, it's still a pretty cool movie. There's even an attempt to tie in the plot, such as it is, to the backstory of the Alien franchise with the appearance of mr. Weyland, founder of future corporation Weyland-Yutani which will play a huge role in the Alien movies. And we even get some lore for the Predator race, with apparently the ancient human race building pyramids and worshipping the Predators when they visited us in the past. Oh, and the human sacrifices done by ancient Aztec-Mayan-Incan people? They're actually being used as hosts to breed xenomorphs for teenage Predators to hunt. The archaeologist did get a bit too introdumpy for my tastes, but it's kind of necessary, I think, to really make sense of the setting.

So yeah, apparently the Predators built this Zelda-Temple-esque pyramid with a frozen Alien Queen in its basement, then attracts the Weyland corporation and a group of scientists, miners and bodyguards with a heat flare, and then the ancient contraptions in the pyramid starts to, well, put human and Predator alike in a deadly game where they just have to survive against the xenomorphs being unleashed upon them.

None of the human characters matter, of course. Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan), Sebastian (Raoul Bova) and Mr. Weyland (Lance Hendricksen) bear the brunt of the screentime, with a jittery scientist who keeps talking about his son -- and naturally dies -- bearing the brunt of the human scenes while the rest are just fodder, and Alexa makes it all the way to the end. She's pretty badass, actually. Not quite Ripley or Arnold Schwazznegger tier badass, but as what's basically a civilian, she manages to assist the lead Predator (a.k.a. "Scar", according to Wikipedia) in killing a couple of xenomorphs, earning the Predator's respect enough for him to arm her with an alien-tail spear.

The movie does what it does, alternating between horror and action pretty smoothly, and the relatively recent technology means that the xenomorphs look a fair lot more impressive than the older Alien movies. Despite being set in a pyramidal death trap, the setting is pretty atmospheric and alien enough. Prometheus would later take a page out of this movie by having the action take place in an ancient dusty tomb, and both really feel like they're inspired by Lovecraft's classic cosmic horror story At the Mountains of Madness.

Really liked the backstory given to the Predators, even if I don't really buy Scar befriending Alexa so quickly. Also felt that it was odd that Scar's mission went from "prove myself by killing the xenomorphs, fuck the humans, right?" to "shit, need all the help I can get to defeat the xenomorphs" though I suspect he just felt like things just got way too out of hand when both his buddies died. Also really liked the Yautja elder at the end, who knew Predators got old? Who knew Predators have medical gurneys in their fancy tribal-tech spaceship?

Both Alien and Predator fared pretty well, I think. The Alien Queen is an unstoppable juggernaut that's only defeated thanks to smartness (and the fact that she's merely dunked into the Arctic water really means that she's incapacitated rather than killed), the main Alien drone (nicknamed "Grid" by the fandom thanks to the marks that the Predators' net dug onto its carapace) is an absolute badass that gets to murder two Predators in what I think is the movie's highlight action sequence, Scar is also a badass in mowing down hordes of Alien Drones, and the final confrontation with the Alien Queen as she bursts out of the snow and rampages around the base is just a great treat. Especially that scene when Scar the Predator jumps and spear-chucks the Queen in the side of her face.

It's a pretty great action movie, and it combines the 'here and now' setting of Predator with the sheer, well, alien-ness of the Alien movies. See, the Predator movies tend to be set in the present day, while Alien movies are all set in far-flung futures and not even in the same planet. By placing the setting in the present-day Antarctic, which is both relatable to us yet still alien at the same time.

No, it's not particularly smart, it doesn't do things that any of the better Alien/Predator movies didn't already do and the opening might be a little too slow for my tastes, the characters are mostly flat and maybe some better storytelling pacing might be in order, but it's definitely an enjoyable movie that doesn't really deserve the hate it gets -- I mean, shit, you see Aliens fight Predator in a premise that's not too badly done. It's definitely a fun hour and a half, that's for sure.