Pokemon of the Week #8: Clauncher

Clauncher, the Water Gun Pokemon

Delicious when served with mayonnaise

My first roll for this week's Pokemon of the Week actually gave me Marshadow, Pokemon #802, but very little is known about the little mythical bugger beyond the fact that it exists and its stats and whatever, so I'm not going to talk about it. A second reroll gave me Clauncher, so here we go.

Clauncher is a Pokemon based on a lobster introduced in Generation VI, making it a relatively recent entry into the Pokemon lore. We've had several Pokemon representing the Crustacean sub-phylum before, with Kingler representing crabs and Crawdaunt representing crayfish, but we didn't exactly have shrimps or lobsters until generation VI's XY. Clauncher is based on the Alpheidae family, better known to us non-Latin speaking folk as the snapping shrimp, or the pistol shrimp. They're basically shrimps with asymmetrical claws (Clauncher and especially Clawitzer exaggerates this, of course, but it's true in nature) with the characteristic ability in real life to produce snapping sounds with their modified pistol-esque pincers, and some species are actually able to make a real-life underwater Bubblebeam to stun prey and scare off predators. No, quite literally! There's a crude hammer-pistol mechanism that allows snapping shrimps to launch a wave of bubbles at high forces. It's actually pretty cool, check out youtube for a video or something.

Shit, after Paras last week, these 'Pokemon of the Week' episodes end up being me preaching about the weird side of nature, yeah? Maybe next week we'll roll like Vanniluxe or something -- with that, I sure as hell ain't talking about the history of ice cream.

Anyway, before we get too Discovery Channel on this dude, I'm just going to say that, well, I quite like Clauncher. I could probably get more mileage talking about his evolution, Clawitzer, and his insane competitive uses and the disproportionately and awesomely gigantic cannon-claw... but let's talk about Clauncher. Which admittedly isn't much, but it's New Year's and I'm not going to sit around writing fifteen paragraphs.

Clauncher's Pokedex entries all talk about it, well, behaving like a shrimp, and having the ability to launch compressed water strong enough it can shatter rock like a pistol shot. Because, y'know, it's based on the pistol shrimp. It's exclusive to Pokemon X, with its counterpart being the more defensive Skrelp/Dragalge line. I played Y, so I had to import one from the Global Trade System, but Clauncher's a pretty cool little dude. Stats-wise Clauncher is pretty much your average Basic Pokemon, not quite having the powerful base 120 Special Attack that its evolution has.

It's pure water and learns mostly just pure Water-type moves, in addition to a bunch of Normal-types... but from TMs it can learn a lot more like Ice Beam, Sludge Wave, Flash Cannon and... Rock Slide? It's actually not as much as Clawitzer, but since Clauncher has a relatively normal-sized claw as opposed to Clawitzer's gigantic tank of a claw, it's actually reasonable.

It's a pretty cool little shrimp dude. There's really not much to talk about it because it evolves into Clawitzer, and that's where all the fun is at, with its powerful aura/pulse-boosting ability (Dark Pulse! Aura Sphere! Heal Pulse!) being unexpectedly powerful, and it being a relatively awesome sweeper if handled well. Clauncher himself might seem a little boring, but hey.

Also, Shiny Clauncher is red. Like a cooked lobster. I really like lobster, and shiny Clauncher makes me hungry. Clauncher is like half a meter long... you can feed a family with that! Jeez.

Anyway, yeah. I'm phoning it in a bit for this article. I mean, there's not really much to say about Clauncher. He's cool, but it's all in his evolution. We'll see if we can land someone more interesting next week.

Teen Titans S02E10 Review: Heartbreak and Treachery

Teen Titans, Season 2, Episode 10: Betrayal

This is the key point between Terra's Good or Evil arc, with a good chunk of it being spent on Beast Boy and Terra bonding and growing to truly like and love each other. It's told partly through a montage, which is nice and saves time, and eventually boils down to Terra asking Beast Boy the damning question of "would you be my friend if you knew something bad about me?" Of course, Beast Boy says yes. The kid's in love, and would you blame him? Plus the something bad that Terra mentioned probably wouldn't be "I just disabled security in Titans Tower and allowed Slade to send his robot army to murder the other four Teen Titans." 

Slade attacks Beast Boy and Terra in a ferris wheel, culminating in a pretty awesome and atmospheric fight as Beast Boy battled Slade while transforming and jumping through the wheel, before the battle continues on into a house of mirrors, where Terra sadly reveals that, yes, her true allegiance is with Slade. The battle is raw and Beast Boy and Terra's voice actors really sold the scene, with Terra's conflicted and distraught emotions being brought up to the surface, while Beast Boy clearly is angry, confused and felt betrayed over the fact that Terra has been a double agent. Understandably, Beast Boy walks away, ignoring Terra's pleas for Beast Boy to always be her friend... but one can't help but think if Terra would've been redeemed or switched sides if Beast Boy had stayed and trusted Terra. It's a big case of "what if", because real-life relationships are as messy as this. Terra's in the wrong, Beast Boy's in the wrong. We can relate to Terra, we can relate to Beast Boy. No, the real villain in this all is Slade, who corrupted Terra in the first place, sent the robots to murder everyone else, and throughout the battle against Beast Boy delivers such chilling taunts and lines that probably screwed more with Beast Boy's head than Terra's actual betrayal did.

Man, Slade's awesome.

This is another episode that ended on a somber note, just like 'Masks' did in season one. We had images of Titans Tower trashed with robot bodies strewn all over -- I didn't have time to mention what a fun battle sequence that was, the four other Titans defending the tower from Slade's army -- ending with Starfire musing that this doesn't feel like a victory, with Beast Boy curled up around the empty heart box he had planned to give to Terra.

Honestly, who expected Beast Boy, prankster and irritating clown of the team, to be the source of such feels? To articulate his anger and betrayal, to make me feel for him and buy into his love story with Terra? It's great, and the fact that it's all achieved in the span of an episode is awesome. And unlike a lot of the Slade/Robin stuff, this was actually really comedic and fun and light-hearted until the last five minutes with lots of memorable locations for Beast Boy to fight Slade -- the house of mirrors and the Ferris wheel -- and there is a pretty cool balance between the two tones. It's a great setup for a final climatic confrontation between the Titans, Terra and Slade. 

One Piece 851 Review: Sanji Sad

One Piece, Chapter 851: Tab End

Apologies in advance, but Boku no Hero Academia, Attack on Titan and Fairy Tail reviews are going to be delayed by a couple of days, maybe until after New Year's. Bunch of personal stuff going on and I'm super-busy, and my laptop ate my Attack on Titan review, so they're going to be delayed somewhat. One Piece is here and up, though, so let's talk about it. It's a pretty eventful chapter, I think.

We open with Pudding playing up the part of the hammy, evil bastard villainness, making a long talk about how she's going to go all red wedding, kill everyone and see their brains splattered all over the walls and shit, all the while we cut to shots of Sanji with his eyes darkened, as he stands against the wall listening to the woman he loves basically be everything she's not, mocking him, shooting his sister, and just being the most despicable and vile human being ever. This kind of makes me kind of think that it might just be a red herring -- maybe Pudding is trying to get Sanji and the Straw Hats to super-hate her, and is actually warning them about the Vinsmoke assassination in some weird roundabout way? And trying to push Sanji so he'll fight back instead of being stuck in the Big Mom Family? Maybe the plot and Pudding as a sleeper agent was there from the beginning, but Pudding is having second thoughts and is trying to warn Sanji in her own way?

Or maybe she's just a huge bitch, which the chapter is trying so hard to push. Pudding shows off her candy-jacked bullets that can pierce through the Vinsmokes' harder skin, and she goes through a bunch of weird faces as she tries to predict what face Sanji will make when her treachery is apparent, pulling a hilarious 'Sugar with tatatatabasco' impression. As Sanji just stands in the rain, eyes downcast, Pudding actually mocks Sanji's puffed-up face and his cheesy lines about getting married, before poofing her face up and making an absolute mockery of Sanji's sacrifice. Man, that was absolutely mean-spirited. Also funny at the same time.

Not so funny are the panels of Sanji in the rain as he tries to light up his cigarette and the rain just refuses to let it light. That's a powerful page, with Pudding's mockery of his ugly face and his stupid gestures sounding loudly in the background as Sanji silently just tries to get a smoke, one last bit of comfort, the flowers and food discarded on the ground, and we finally zoom into his face, with tears that are just... sad. It's just so sad. Sanji's just so beaten, and that panel is honestly just heartbreaking.

And then we cut into something far more dramatic, where BROOK IS FIGHTING BIG MOM! How do we not get a full chapter out of this? Big Mom is just standing, looming over Brook with her two elemental clouds Prometheus and Zeus on full display. Brook just keeps getting up, and Big Mom mocks the Soul King for wanting a slab of stone more than Sanji. Brook notes how Sanji is kind, and how he will refuse to budge once he has decided to sacrifice himself for others... but on the other hand, Luffy is a truly hard-headed captain that will break through barriers. Brook leaves the matter of whether Sanji will stay behind to be resolved between Sanji and Luffy, Brook notes that even if the worst case scenario -- that Sanji will not leave with them -- he would do his task of obtaining the Road Poneglyph if only to show that Sanji can leave the Straw Hats without a shred of guilt.

Man, that huge panel of Big Mom and her clouds looming, and Brook just dressed in a slightly-ragged cloak, cane-blade out, is just amazing. I really enjoy Brook, if it's not apparent already, and it's just so awesome to see him actually being a badass. Big Mom notes how Brook is optimistic about how nobody is going to be killed on this trip. Brook's answer? A condescending "young lady... what kind of fool would plan to die?"

Man, Brook's awesome. He's straight-up standing against a Yonko. Not even Luffy can claim that. 

We cut away to some nonsense about Chopper and Carrot tickling Brulee. I don't care about this plot. Damn! Good thing it's short, before we cut away to even more soul-crushing as Pudding stabs her hand into Reiju's head, pulling out a roll of film and revealing herself to be the user of the Memo Memo no Mi, the memory fruit, which allows her to edit over other people's memories, replacing Reiju's memory of being shot by Pudding as her being shot by a stray bullet. It's some very interesting and weird power that actually kind of reminds me of some of the more exotic stands in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, getting rid of Reiju and passing her off as wounded.

Meanwhile, Sanji's flower lay crushed and left outside Pudding's windowsill.

Why the monologue, Pudding? That's a bit of a weird thing to do, so either you're a silly egomaniac, or you've got more plans up your sleeve. I'm interested, that's for sure. 

Meanwhile, we cut to Luffy and Nami, and Luffy's obsession with ripping off both their arms. Opera, the Whipped Cream dude shows up and is getting ready to pump Nami full of crossbow bolts until she coughs up Lola's location. Then suddenly a mysterious figure shows up out of nowhere... and JINBE FUCK YES! 5000-tile justice fist and Opera is just one-shotted to fuck. Jinbe looks so awesome, and he apparently still has both arms and both eyes, so what did he lose in that roll? Either way, he apologizes for being late, and is about to free Nami and Luffy.

Fuck yeah Jinbe! Fuck yeah Brook! Also very much enjoying the feels that sad Sanji is giving me. 

Gotham S03E06 Review: Choices, Choices

Gotham, Season 3, Episode 6: Follow the White Rabbit

Random Gotham review! I just, well, decided to watch one episode. What? Variety is the spice of life.

It's a pretty good episode, too. The premise of the episode is pretty simple, but it's the presentation and tying up the plot threads running through this half of season three that makes it such a treat to watch. The fact that Mad Hatter might easily be the most compelling and sinister of Gotham's villains short of show regulars Penguin and Riddler (more on them later) is a huge bonus, as well. Mad Hatter is just so... creepy. Being forced to show that the good guys are better than the bad guys has been a theme in Batman stories ever since Killing Joke. The whole 'one bad day is the only thing separating the good guys from the bad' theme, the fact that when it comes down to it, the good guys can easily succumb to evil, has been a constant thing that the more psychotic villains like the Joker have been trying to force our heroes to fall down to, and it's a bar that they struggle to clear.

This time around, Mad Hatter goes around hypnotizing random people, like sending a kid to stand in front of a truck and a pair of newlyweds (as an extra gut-punch, we get to see them happy and exiting the church before the Hatter kidnaps them) to jump off a building, forcing Gordon to choose one. Several more people die in Hatter's sick game of cat-and-mouse throughout the city, with a vibe that seems to invoke Mr. Zsasz and the Riddler's creepy city-spanning side-quests from the Arkham games. Gordon is fucked if he chooses -- someone else dies, but if he doesn't choose, Hatter chooses for him and kills both hostages.

This, of course, gets translated to Gordon's own personal love life, and both Lee and Vale get kidnapped by Hatter at the climax of the episode. The show has been trying to show that, yeah, Gordon has moved on, Lee is happy with her new fiance (who gets a brief role in trying to get the jump on Mad Hatter, but gets locked up for his troubles)... but Hatter kidnaps both of them, and Gordon tries his best to talk Hatter down and play mind-games with him. It's a tense, tense moment because you genuinely don't know which of the two will get shot.

Gordon eventually tells Hatter to 'shoot Lee', causing Mad Hatter to shoot... Vale. Now obviously Gordon wouldn't want either of the women to get shot, but is Gordon really choosing Vale over Lee? Or is he pre-emptively choosing Lee, knowing that Hatter will shoot the woman he loves? And what guarantee is there that Hatter will shoot Vale in the gut instead of, oh, in the head? There's a bit of an oddity to that whole scene, though it is tense enough to grab my attention. I really loved how Hatter's sick game of choice ends up being seen to the end, with none of Gordon's plans (how stupid is it not to arm Mario with one of his guns?) from Mario's ambush to getting Hatter to shoot him to just mind-games with the truth about Alice all not working, and no one -- not Bullock, not Barnes, not Alfred, not Falcone, not Penguin -- shows up as the cavalry. That was dark and awesome.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Penguin is in love with Riddler and can't spit it out, which is hilarious. Anything regarding the Penguin is hilarious,  and it actually feels like an organic development from last episode. The adaptational sexuality change for Penguin doesn't even really feel out of place, honestly, Penguin is such a emotionally-strained individual that him having a chance at happiness makes me go 'aww'. The thing is... we know Riddler likes girls, so are Oswald's feelings even reciprocated? Or does Riddler only view Oswald in the platonic, respectful sense? It's all complicated, of course, in Riddler apparently standing Oswald up on their night dinner date because a random lady who looks like Kringle shows up with a riddle. It's a hilarious, fun and completely madcap side-plot.

Meanwhile, Barnes isn't quite turning into Mr. Hyde yet, and is still mostly in control, but the Alice blood is causing him to gain super-strength when he's angry, and apparently his crippling injury at the hands of Azrael last season has been healed by it. Nothing much beyond that. 

Overall the whole dark choice bit that Gordon was forced to do is easily the highlight of the show, and it's a surprisingly well-done episode thanks to that. 

Pokemon Sun LP, Part 11: Elite Four and the Champion

Last we left off, we were about to challenge the Pokemon League. So I headed up the mountain to meet Professor Kukui, who notes that it used to be kind of part of the Island Challenge that challengers who have completed all the trials and grand trials to challenge all four Kahunas... which will end up being the Elite Four. After a brief talk (including a hilarious bit where I can ask Kukui if he's cold, standing on a freezing mountain top with no shirt on) with Kukui, I head down to Mt. Lanakila to grind up my team to the level 50-55 range, because if Hau's Raichu is any indication, that's what the Elite Four's lowest team would be.

I mean, I can probably sweep this pretty easily by carrying Solgaleo with me, and like catching the pseudo-legendaries and go in with a team of like Salamence, Kommo-o, Dragonite and Metagross, but this is my team that I've traveled around Alola with and they're the team I'm going to take down the Elite Four with. It's more interesting to actually use sub-par Pokemon than just the absolute best. I mean, shit, I still have a Ribombee in my team!

HUYYYYYY

So the system is just like the Elite Four in Black/White where I can challenge any of the Elite Four in any order, which has always baffled me. What's wrong with the series-of-rooms-of-doom? Eh. In either case, I go from left to right, which initially appears to be the right order. The first to meet me is Hala, Kahuna of Melemele Island, and boy, he's not pulling any punches! All his Pokemon are level 54, and he starts off with a simple enough Hariyama that my Ribombee manage to 2-hit-KO.

But then in comes the Crabominable, this... this doofy, weird and utterly made-up-on-drugs motherfucker. LOOK AT ITS FACE! And Fighting/Ice is such a weird type combination, which I think doesn't even exist before this generation... and the combination of the two kind of fucks up my entire team. And Hala uses his Z-move, taking out the poor Lycanroc that I was trying to outspeed this abomination with. Like, every single member of my team is either damaged super-effectively by Ice or by Fighting... except for Mimikyu. Ha! One Play Rough later, and Crabominable fell. The rest of the team isn't anything too spectacular -- Primeape and Poliwrath fall quickly to Play Rough, though the Poliwrath's Waterfall came dangerously close to taking out my Mimikyu. Bewear is super-duper defensive to physical moves, so in comes Ribombee back with a vengeance, tanking the fluffy bear's Hammer Arms and unleashing Dazzling Gleams to take him out.

That was a fair bit more challenging than... actually any other first battle in the Elite Four, excepting maybe Aaron's steroid bugs from Platinum, I think. After the fifth and sixth generations had such pushovers as their Elite Four, this is a lot more challenging. Granted a good chunk of the challenge came from the fact that Hala's Pokemon and mine are mostly evenly matched in level, but that's how it should really be in every game.

I still think that the Elite Four should still have six Pokemon. Hell, as much trouble as I have (relatively) in this generation's Elite Four, I still think, like, the Elite Four and the main villain and like the last two gym leaders/kahunas and the rivals should have full teams. I harp about this every single generation, but only the Champion ever have a full team of six, and that's a bit aggravating, really.

Side-note: How cool would it be if the Kahunas carry the Tapus with them for the Elite Four fight? Like, it would make sense in-game because we're crowning the champion, and the Tapus are like blood-thirsty for battle, right? Plus, most players that isn't me would be carrying their Solgaleo or Lunala, which makes this a fair fight.

FEAR THE 'STACHE

Second up is Olivia, Kahuna of Akala Island and user of rocks. I lead with Decidueye, which is fortunate because her first Pokemon is a Relicanth. LEAF BLADE 4X DAMAGE! Thanks to the little twat Relicanth being able to get off a yawn (how did my starter get outspeed by a Relicanth, for real?) I'm forced to switch into my Lycanroc for a Lycanroc-vs-Lycanroc action. My midday Lycanroc outspeeds her midnight Lycanroc, landing a Stone Edge that took nearly the entirety of her Lycanroc's health... so of course she Countered it. Yeah, there isn't any way my poor Lycanroc's surviving that. Man, dude can't catch a break.

Decidueye goes in to pop Lycanroc off with a Leaf Blade before he can do any Z-move nonsense, and Magnezone does a hilarious 4x damage Flash Cannon that absolutely murders her Carbink. Then out comes this huge big-ass Probopass, and I completely forgot that Probopass is part-Steel, so like an idiot I launched a very, very ineffective Flash Cannon that bounces off it. The Probopass? Knows Earth Power. Poor Magnezone. Golisopod goes in and tries to Liquidate the moai bastard, but the Probopass lives the hit, quarters my speed with Thunder Wave, before Power Gem-ming my Golisopod to death. Neither Ribombee nor Mimikyu is going to fare well against a Steel type, so that leaves Decidueye to pick up the pieces... with a Z-move. Man, it's a good thing Steel no longer resists Ghost.

Of course, the Probopass didn't actually die to the Sinister Arrow Raid, but it does force Olivia to waste all her Full Restores while I chip away with Spirit Shackles, shaking off the Probopass's Sandstorms and Thunder Waves and all that nonsense. Probopass eventually falls down, though, and her final Pokemon is... an Alolan Golem. Which, by the way, knows STEAMROLLER, a Bug-type move. A Bug-type move that's very effective against my Decidueye. Oh, and the cunt Golem has Sturdy as an ability, so it lives my Leaf Blade to Steamroll my damaged Decidueye and take it out. Bitch! One of my two fairies went out to top off the 1-HP Golem...

Man, Olivia left four members of my team knocked out. I don't think I've actually suffered this badly in an Elite Four run since I was like twelve or something.

The third member is... not Nanu, but Acerola! Because Nanu doesn't play well with others, and Acerola's standing in. Okay, then. That actually makes sense. I mean, Ghost is super-effective against Ghost and I have a Decidueye and a Mimikyu on my team, so it's going to be fine as long as I outpseed, right? Well, her first Pokemon is a Sableye, which is neutral to Ghost-types due to its dual typing. No biggie, Decidueye'll just keep spamming Leaf Blades... what's that? You switched out? Into Froslass? Well.

Soulsss

What follows is a very entertaining switch-in-switch-out predicting fight against this AI and credit where credit's due, Acerola makes some really good switches. I pull my own Decidueye out and threw Magnezone in front of the Blizzard. The Flash Cannon that Magnezone did didn't hit the Froslass, however, but hit the Palossand she swapped out her Froslass into. That thing's definitely going to Earth Power me, so I swap Magnezone out to Golisopod... who tanks the Earth Power remarkably well. Didn't even activate Emergency Exit!

Palossand didn't switch out, so that means my Golisopod's Liquidation actually hit... and apparently Palossand has this Water Compaction ability that raises its defense when hit by a Water-type move. Doesn't stop it from dealing super-effective damage, mind you, and a second Liquidation takes out the sandcastle. That finally gives me a free switch back into Decidueye, who quickly takes down Acerola's Dhelmise with a Z-Move Sinister Arrow Raid. That thing looks tanky, and I'm not having some Aegislash nonsense up my face. Froslass comes back out to my Mimikyu, who Shadow Claws her to death (Mimikyu's ability is a lot more useful than I thought, by the way, freely tanking any one hit). The Sableye returns only to get a face-full of Play Rough from Mimikyu. Acerola's final Pokemon is... a Drifblim? Not a Mimikyu or a Gengar, like what her trial would imply? That was interesting. Of course, Drifblim still dies to a Thunder from Magnezone. That's anti-climactic.

Acerola's all happy and shit, and the fourth member of the Elite Four of Alola is... Hapu! Except, wait, no, it's not Hapu, but some random golfer lady, Kahili, who apparently Kukui called back from a far-off region to participate in this. I think someone in Grand Hano Hotel mentions Kahili like once or twice, but Grand Hano Resort is an area you're liable to miss because the Aether Foundation plot spirits you off to Aether Paradise before you have a chance to explore the hotel. Kahili is a Flying-type Elite Four member, which means Lycanroc and Magnezone just literally wiped out her entire team. I can't honestly tell you what her five Pokemon were. There was an Oricorio, a Skarmory... er... a Crobat? No idea. She was easy.

The championship room is devoid of a champion and for once I sit on my throne as a champion, which I think is the only time, ever, in Pokemon history, where I straight-up become the champion instead of the game crowning me and putting me into the hall of fame, but Blue/Wallace/Lance/Diantha/Cynthia/Steven/Alder/Iris still stand in the champion's room any time I return to the league. I sit down on the throne...

And Professor Kukui shows up. He talks a bit about how I'm the first-ever champion of Alola... if only it were ever that easy. A very awesome tune lights up, Kukui takes off his glasses... and, holy shit, we're fighting the professor! And this isn't some Sycamore-style battle where all he has are the three starters either. Kukui's team is legit.

Fatty fat asshat

I send out my Decidueye against his Lycanroc, who immediately sets up with Stealth Rock. Leaf Blade just falls short of killing the Lycanroc, and he outspeeds me with a critical-hit Crunch that takes out my Decidueye. Well. That could've gone better. My own Lycanroc pops out to priority Accelerock Kukui's Lycanroc to death. Kukui sends out his second Pokemon... an Incineroar! So he took in the Litten that was left behind! That's awesome. I laughed at the AI for sending in a Fire-type against my Rock-type. Hell, my Stone Edge even hit the Incineroar! But then the Incineroar unleashes a Cross Chop that OHKOs my Lycanroc.

This is just turning into a battle of taking out each other's Pokemon in quick succession, isn't it? Golisopod enters the battlefield and takes out the Incineroar with a First Impression, upon which Kukui pulls out a Braviary. Should really have taught my Golisopod Rock Slide, but I didn't. So I just relied on Liquidation to take out half of the Braviary's health. Braviary then used Whirlwind, which was a surprising tactic to use in a champion battle, pulling out... Magnezone. Oh, bad luck for you, Kukui. One Discharge later, and the Americanbird is down.

Best champion? Best champion.

Kukui then sends out a Magnezone of his own, and it came to a battle of launching Thunders and Thunderbolts at each other, Hyper Potioning our own Magnezones whenever their HPs hit yellow. It's just a relaxing, chip-each-other's-HP battle, until Kukui's Magnezone pulled out an insanely asshole trick in MIRROR COAT. My Magnezone falls. Hedging that my free disguise will tank the Flash Cannon, I throw Mimikyu into the field to unleash a Ghost-type Z-Move upon the Magnezone, taking it out. The next Pokemon that Kukui sends out is... Snorlax.

Which is the biggest piece of shit trouble that I've actually fought against. Mimikyu launches a Play Rough on it, but apparently Snorlax knew Heavy Slam, a Steel-type attack, that just flattens poor Mimikyu to hell. This leaves Ribombee out of the question as someone to take out Snorlax, so I throw Magnezone into the battle. Hey, at least Magnezone can tank some of Snorlax's hits, right? Wrong. Apparently they gave Snorlax HIGH HORSEPOWER. Mudsdale's Ground-type move. What the hell! Magnezone falls. I throw in Golisopod and Full Restore him, and he manages to whittle down the Snorlax, but not before the Snorlax forces my Golisopod to retreat back into my party, pulling out Ribombee who manages to take Snorlax down with a Dazzling Gleam before the Snorlax Heavy Slams.

Kukui's final Pokemon is an Alolan Ninetales, and neither Golisopod nor Ribombee can really touch her, so I bit my lip, swallowed my pride and used a Max Revive on Magnezone. The Ninetales take out my Ribombee with a super-effective Blizzard, I idiotically sent out Golisopod only for her to die onto Stealth Rock, which leaves Magnezone... who tanks a Blizzard wonderfully before one-shotting Ninetales with a Flash Cannon.

Mother FUCK that was a challenging Champion battle. I had one Pokemon at half health left standing, and even then I had to use a revive!

Kukui crowns me champion, and apparently I'll be able to defend my title as champion because Acerola and the others say about how other trainers will be gunning for my spot? We get a very, very extended party sequence in Iki town where all the important non-evil named characters bar Samson Oak and Kahili show up. It went on for a bit too long with so many characters pulling out their antics and whatnot, and guess what? It's actually fine. I've grown attached to these Alolan characters way, way more than I have with the cast from Kalos. There's even a moment where all the trial captains and kahunas do a simultaneous dance showing off their respective Z-moves, and way, way far in the background we zoom into Nanu, lurking near the trees, pulling it off where no one can see. Aw, Nanu.

Can't lie, Tiki-Chicken has grown on me.

Lillie pulls me off to sneak away from the party for surprise sexytimes a walk to Tapu Koko's temple, going through the bridge and whatnot into Tapu Koko's temple... upon which I fight Tapu Koko, Tapu Koko actually speaks to me "IT IS TIME!" before emerging from the stone totem in the shrine, attacking me and, well, I naturally capture the guardian deity of Melemele Island in a Pokeball. Like, you're cool, Tapu Koko, you crazy chicken totem, but there is no legendary Pokemon that I won't trap in a ball and force them to be my buddies.

That's a cool little epilogue as the party went on, and I fully expected the credits to roll... but no! We get another epilogue, which shows that Lillie's apparently going to head off to Kanto to grow stronger, travel and maybe find a way to help Lusamine. There's a bit of a teary farewell mostly on the part of Hau, but off goes Lillie on a boat, all Pokemon-anime-style, to Kanto. Really, Lillie, you should've taken a Pokemon with you, but I guess the moment you set a foot in Kanto's tall grass an old man will drag you to a lab and force you to choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle, so there's that.

The credits then roll over some well-drawn artwork of all the important characters, finally settling on Lillie kissing Solgaleo, and finally the picture that Rotom took of me, Hau and Lillie in Hau'oli City, which is a nice way to top off things.

POSTGAME TIME! Apparently there's a Zygarde Core just chilling in my room, and as I head out, Hau gives me the Incinium and Primarinium... as if I have anything to use them on. But okay. Hau heads off to train with Ilima and Hala to better fight me, and I'm immediately accosted by some creepy bald dude in front of my house, giving me an enigmatic letter telling me to meet someone in a motel. Dude, this is how Mr. Bonding gets his jollies! Not cool.

Well, there's the matter of Ultra Beasts to deal with, the other three Tapus to add to my collection, Hau mentioned a Battle Tree, I probably have to explore the world to get all the Zygarde cores, and there's this weird enigmatic letter. We're off on an even longer adventure, it seems.

Teen Titans S02E09 Review: Big Superhero Battle Royale

Teen Titans, Season 2, Episode 9: Winner Take All

It's a great episode, pitting three of our heroes against several other recurring characters and several new ones in a huge tournament staged by a weird powerful monkey-alien, the Master of Games. It's supposed to be a friendly match between the heroes to see who gets a reward, with the losers apparently 'teleported back to Earth'. Of course, the Master of Games ends up trying to suck all the losers' powers into a weird Horcrux thing to use them himself... and he can use the pendant on Cyborg after absorbing the first group of losers, so it begs the question why he doesn't use it on all the winners until Robin goaded him into battling him. Of course we get a team-up between the heroes, and they beat the Master of Games.

Just taking the boys (the ending implies the girls will go through the same thing) gives the show a pretty great excuse to relegate Terra to a non-speaking cameo, yeah?

The focus of the episode is Robin, I guess, because he eventually won the tournament, and the big point of conflict in the episode is Robin being so obsessed with winning (granted, he thought it was a friendly match) that he paid no heed to Cyborg's warnings... though the fact that Robin ended up fixing the whole thing by freeing Cyborg and Speedy and later the rest of the captured heroes is a bit of a backfire on the moral story there. Also I'm honestly unconvinced we needed those random five minutes of them playing the weird Uno/Magic hybrid card game and showing that Robin is a sore loser.

But who the hell cares about the logic leaps that this episode takes? Who cares that the Master of Games is one of the most idiotic villains for someone with his power-absorbing ability? The fight scenes in this episode has some of the absolute best in the show, with Robin versus Speedy being a great highlight, with their final fight and the effects and moves with the smoke being awesome. Robin fighting Hot Spot with all the animation with the flames, and Aqualad's water manipulation ability, are also pretty damn good stuff. 

We also get the very welcome return of Aqualad and Gizmo from previous episodes. Aqualad doesn't have that much to do here, losing in the first fight, but he shows off his comic-book counterpart's ability to control water and that is awesome. Gizmo, likewise, is a bit of an oddity since everyone else are heroes and he's the sole villain (notably his HIVE buddy Mammoth isn't around) but he's good fun too, being a little prissy brat and being pissed that he didn't get a Titan Communicator. 

Of the newly introduced characters, only Speedy stood out with Wildebeest being a growly beast-man and Hot Spot having like one line, and the show clearly likes pushing Speedy as a character... but even the show makers recognize how much of a Robin clone Speedy is by having them literally do the 'I see myself in a mirror' and have them geek out over arrow/birdarang/cape composition. Speedy is hypercompetent enough on his own, though, holding his own against Aqualad and Wildebeest, and managing to strike the blow onto the Master of Games' pendant that freed everyone else.

Overall, though, it's I think one of my favourite episodes in this season, though the second season does have a lot of great episodes. The whole Terra arc, Starfire and her journey to the bad future, Robin going to prom... yeah.

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Speedy (Roy Harper), later known by the aliases Arsenal and Red Arrow once he passes the mantle of Speedy down to other successors, is the sidekick to Green Arrow, and one of the five founding Titans alongside Robin and Aqualad. He isn't that much of a Robin clone in the comics, though the two do have a lot of similarities, what with both being non-powered members of the team and going through a similar 'outgrow my mentor' story arcs.
• Hot Spot, otherwise known as Isaiah Crockett, is one of a group of half-human, half-H'San-Natall Teen Titans members which included other Titans including Argent, Fringe, Prism and Risk. In the comics, Hot Spot is known as Joto, the Swahilian word for 'heat', but the Teen Titans show changed Joto's name into Hot Spot during the adaptation because they learnt that the term 'Joto' apparently is a deregatory term for homosexuals in Spanish. This name-change would eventually be applied to the comics as well. In the comics, Joto/Hot Spot was only able to increase the heat of objects instead of going full Human Torch and being made up of flaming lava like he is in the cartoon, but eventually later authors wrote Joto's powers as having evolved into something similar to his cartoon incarnation. 
• Wildebeest is a genetically created baby hosting a tainted soul from Azarath or something created by the *ahem* Wildebeest Society, which is probably the weirdest name you could ever give to a criminal organization. The Teen Titans took down the Society, but ended up adopting the Baby Wildebeest, who had the power to transform from a baby to a were-wildebeest monster-man. 

Pokemon Sun LP, Part 10: To Infinity and Beyond

So, last I left off, I was halfway through Vast Poni Canyon. A couple of steps afterwards and I meet this lady, Mina, whose house I think I went into in Seafolk Village, one where her parents talk about how their child really likes art. And, well, she's basically a bit of an absent-minded painter with paint all over her body. She introduces herself as a captain but also says that she doesn't really care about it, just about her art, so she just gives me the Fairium Z and toddles off. What a nice lady! Also, like Nanu and the lack of Kahuna on Poni Island, another reason for professor Kukui to want to revamp the system. Like, the Island Challenge system is cool and all, but the lack of organization really make it a flawed system.

Actually pretty freakin' cool, IMO

Also, apparently I'm just a short bit off the end, because after a short gauntlet of trainers (who are surprisingly high-leveled) and items later, and I enter a deep cavern where eyes are piercing towards me, with a trial gate in the way. So while Hapu is a newly-minted Kahuna, and Mina isn't doing her job at all, the Totem Pokemon are apparently still around ready to do their thing. The Totem Pokemon is the mighty pseudo-legendary Kommo-o, backed up by a cheerleading squad of Hakamo-o. As the last trial in the game, you'd think that they would make it hard... and it probably would've been, if I didn't have Tatl, the dragon-slaying Ribombee in my party. I just spam 4x-effective Dazzling Gleam and these fierce warrior dragons have to bow the knee to this tiny little flower pixie whose base stats barely clear half of a non-totem Kommo-o. Didn't even have to pull out the Fairium Z at all.

FEAR RIBOMBEE!

So after that absolute breeze of a trial, I get the Dragonium Z and the TM for Dragon Claw, before buggering off to the Altar of the Sunne. There's a bit of a long talk between me and Lillie about, well, general anime stuff and we've gone so far and Nebby has to be rescued, then we play the Sun Flute and the Moon Flute, a huge magical cutscene happens, and Nebby the Cosmoem transforms into... Solgaleo, the legendary Pokemon of the Sun! Man, it's a good thing that Lillie suggested that we 'wait until morning', otherwise I would probably get the wrong cover mascot.

Solgaleo roars and acts awesome and shit, and, man, I just like his design. No disrespect to Lunala, who I also think looks quite good, but it's just personal preference and I just like Solgaleo so much better. Which is weird because I generally like the less heroically-built legendaries, but hey, what're you going to do. Long story short, after a bit of a tearful reunion, Solgaleo uses his power to open a portal to Ultra Space, bringing Lillie and me along into this eldritch dimension where the Ultra Beasts came from. Or, well, just a whole bunch of Nihilego.

Solgaleo just... stays behind on the entry point while Lillie and I explore Ultra Space. Okay then, buddy. I really think that it's still hard to fathom that cute little Cosmog has transformed into this super awesome looking robo-lion, but hey.

Ultra Space isn't quite as super-kooky as Giratina's Distortion World is, but it definitely gives it a run for its money. It's just this... wasteland, with giant rock outcroppings and plants and weird fungi-esque things, with Nihilego just flitting in and out of existence. I really do like the effect they did with Nihilego just disappearing and reappearing like a freaking glitch in the universe... come to think of it, the whole Ultra Beast thing really gives me some MissingNo vibes. Obviously the Ultra Beasts have a lot more lore and story put into them, but an eldritch creature that breaks all reality? That's a Pokemon but at the same time not really?

In any case, we meet Guzma, who's just perched up a tree with a Nihilego floating nearby. We don't actually fight the Nihilego, but big bad Guzma is terrified out of his pants, talking about how he tried to capture the Ultra Beast himself, but the Ultra Beast instead... took over his mind or something? Really wished we actually had to fight Guzma mind-controlled by an Ultra Beast or something, to be honest, but eh. Guzma talks about how Lusamine is just 'gone', but this is anime world, so redemption is like a super-duper key factor.

MEGA REUNICLUS CONFIRMED

Still, Lusamine makes it somewhat interesting for us. She harps on and on about how beautiful the world of the Ultra Beasts are, how she's surrounded by the things she loves, how Lillie is definitely not a thing she loves, and how beautiful her beasts are, and there's like a half-dozen Nihilego swarming and floating around her. Considering that Guzma told us about Nihilego's mind-control powers, it's actually ambiguous how much of this is Nihilego's mind-control, and how much of it is just Lusamine being a crazy lady. Great job on the facial expressions too, by the way. There's actually a cool theme of parental entitlement -- which isn't something we really see a lot. "You used to be cute and listen to everything I say, but now that you're actually developing independent thoughts, you're no longer cute anymore!"

Then she pulls out a fancy brand-new Pokeball which I assume is the special Pokeball for Ultra Beasts, summons a sixth Nihilego... which then combines with her to form, well, a giant weird alien jelly eyeball goopy darkness fusion monster. That was actually unexpected! And, well, a hell lot more impressive than Lysandre's random Doctor Octopus tentacles at the climax of XY. Lusamine is just awesomely crazy.

Also, the fight against her? Her team isn't much different, just hella leveled up... oh, and those stat-boosting auras that Totem Pokemon have? Her entire team has it. And I honestly half-expected ally Nihilegos to start popping up in-between the fights, but thankfully it doesn't happen, because holy fuck I nearly lost this fight. A combination on carrying an underleveled Vikavolt, not stocking up on healing items and generally not being as prepared as I could've been really bit me in the ass. It's that jackass jacked-up Clefable of hers that's the biggest problem. Sure, it spams Metronome... but when you get moves like freaking Bolt Strike and Roar of Time in a row... plus I'm pretty sure the Clefable rolled a defense-boosting move early on because it's such a huge, huge tank to bring down. The Liligant and Milotic are actually relatively painless to murder, but the Mismagius has Pain Split which ended up being the thing that took out my poor Decidueye. And holy shit Bewear is just a huge, huge tank.

It's one of the most satisfying fights ever. Sure, it's not quite Cynthia or Steven Stone, but it's a very good fight. Really wished she had like Nihilego or one of the other Ultra Beasts as her sixth Pokemon, but hey.

A LOT more impressive in 3D, also when it deploys its claws

Lusamine-Nihilego, after being defeated, is about to attack Lillie with her own tentacles, but Solgaleo shows up, the nebula part of his face starts doing the thing it does in the game's opening cutscene, and it unleashes the mother of all roars that blasts Lusamine so hard she's separated from Nihilego. Lusamine's knocked down onto the ground, and I honestly thought they were going to kill her off. She gets a 'I'm proud of you actually' moment with her daughter now that her jellyfish-induced madness is gone, but then the swarm of Nihilego appear. I really wished, again, that we get to fight the Nihilego again but Solgaleo just peaces us (and Guzma) out.

Really wished they gave Nihilego a more threatening-looking appearance than what they actually did, but then that would probably sacrifice some of the faceless inhuman-ness of the bugger.

In any case, we return to the Altar of the Sunne, where Hapu is waiting for us. For a moment there it looks like Lusamine just disappears on her own before Solgaleo teleports us back to the real world, but apparently Lusamine's on for the ride. Hapu and Guzma bugger off the mountain, bringing Lusamine for medical treatment... which leaves me, Lillie and Solgaleo alone for a climactic showdown.

Which is... a lot more emotionally driven than I thought. Solgaleo, of course, wants to be buddy-buddy with us, but Lillie notes that even when she tried, she's no trainer and no battler, and she can't give Solgaleo what he needs as a trainer. I mean, it's a bit sudden for Lillie to thrust Solgaleo on us considering how she's in NEBBY NEBBY NEBBY mode for the entire game, but hey, free legendary!

The fight against Solgaleo is actually quite difficult, which is surprising considering how low Solgaleo's capture rate is (mascot legendaries since Generation V has had this problem and it's irritating to be honest). He just keeps spamming Sunsteel Strike and that hurt like a bitch. Of course, I eventually caught him in a simple Pokeball and gave him the nickname Nebby. Because, well, why mess with someone who already has a name?

And the tearful goodbye that she keeps saying to Solgaleo after I capture him is honestly quite well-written, not overstaying its welcome like most Lillie scenes tend to do. It's actually 'awww'-inducing, so to speak, especially the point when she's all like 'you have a new parent now, Nebby'.

As Lillie exits the scene, Nanu then randomly shows up, and apparently he's been crouching on the side of the altar since... since we returned from Ultra Space or something. Jeez, old man. He tells me that... the Alolan Pokemon League is all set! Which is surprising considering there is a huge chunk of Poni Island that I haven't romped around in. But hey, the Island Challenge is over -- with the anticlimax that is Mina and Totem Kommo-o -- and we kind of finished the Aether Foundation plotline, sort of. I mean, I'd rather we have more Ultra Beast presence in Alola like a bunch of mini-bosses in the islands or whatever, but hey, post-game!

Nanu spirits me off to the location of the League in Ula'ula Island. The giant Mt. Lanakila has an elevator, and who else to greet me but... Gladion? He thanks me for saving Lusamine, and notes that the only thing he can grant me is a good battle. And, aw, he apparently now cares for his Pokemon that his Golbat and Type: Null have both became a Crobat and a Silvally respectively. Friendship evolution! It's not quite as aww-inducing as when it was with Silver, since Gladion never strikes me as someone who abuses his Pokemon, but hey.

Still don't like him.

We exchange a few words with Gladion, and then I go through Mt. Lanakila itself... which, compared to Victory Roads of generations past, is surprisingly painless. It's ice-themed, so I was distracted by catching Snorunts and Sneasels and Vulpixes, and there's a little shrine with the Icinium Z randomly just sitting in a corner of the cave.

I exit to the summit, where it's Hau's turn to challenge me. Hau talks about how he tries to be stronger, and I do like him after the Aether plot where he's matured a little and realizes that, yeah, he's having fun, but he also wants to win... but he's not obsessed with it either. It's nice, how the strength-obsessed Gladion learns to care for his Pokemon, and how the fun-obsessed Hau learns to try and grow a backbone. Hau's Raichu blew back a couple of my team members, but he's still not that huge of a threat.

Golisopod learns the new move Liquidation, which is a very impressive water-type physical move! Finally, water-type STAB on my Golisopod!

That's where I think we'll stop off at this point. I'm not bringing Solgaleo with me through the first Legaue run, that's for sure, but considering I actually lost a couple of my Pokemon to freaking Hau, I probably need to level up my team to around the high fifties before I take on the league. Apparently according to Nanu, the challenger, which is me, needs to fight through the four kahunas in order... so Hala, Hapu, Nanu and Olivia are our Elite Four? Elite Four... four islands... four strong kahunas... That was actually telegraphed pretty blatantly and I didn't quite get that it was going to be the thing.

Man, this was a blast. Next up, the Elite Four and the champion.

Pokemon of the Week #7: Paras

Pokemon of the Week: Paras, the Mushroom Pokemon

Behind those cute bug eyes lie a
horrifying story!

Damn, we got a good one this week. Paras has been a Pokemon I really liked. I mean, I am a huge, huge fan of Bug-type Pokemon and insects and their ilk in general, but Paras looked kind of cool. He's like a beetle with huge front claws, spider-y rear legs, a very bug-y maw, cute eyes and two cute mushrooms on his back. I mean, he's a little bug with mushrooms, and when he evolves into a Parasect, the mushroom gets bigger. He's a simple design, like, a bug with mushrooms growing on it... it's like Bulbasaur, right? A frog with an onion flower bulb on his back. So yeah, he's a Bug/Grass type. Which means that Paras is, like, weak to everything. Sure, he quad-resists Ground and Grass, but honestly practically everything else hits Paras for huge, huge damage.

Paras is most prominent in the first two generations, being caught in the wild in Generation I's Mt. Moon and Safari Zone, the former being a relatively early location for players to go through. Paras also has a hilarious and very fun-sounding cry that probably ranks very highly among the Generation I pixel-cries that I remember the most fondly of. In Generation II, Paras hangs out in Ilex Forest in the mornings and nights, also a relatively early route for you to run around in. Throughout Generations III to VI, though, Paras is just relegated as swarm or secret Pokemon you only unlock after beating the game or whatever. Generation VII finally threw Paras a bone and had Paras show up in Brooklet Hill and Lush Jungle, and even had Parasect show up as a miniboss in Mallow's trial.

Paras had like an episode or two in the anime, one where Ash's Charmander evolved into Charmeleon. Damned if I remember what Paras did in that episode, but they needed his spores for... something. Crystal from the Pokemon Adventures manga runs Parasect as one of her core members, but I'm not sure it ever actually did anything particularly important.

But other than that, there's really nothing too remarkable about Paras or Parasect. They learn a pretty generic gamut of Grass and Bug-type moves, the odd Poison-type move or two. The move Spore, with 100% Sleep accuracy, used to be exclusive to Paras, but as more and more mushroom Pokemon are introduced (Shroomish, Foongus, Morelull...) Spore gets given to them and Paras loses the one thing unique to them competitively. Certainly nothing that really make you want to pick Paras to put in your team over so many more useful and interesting Bug-types. Paras has a base stat total of 285, which is average for Basic Pokemon. As a fully-evolved Parasect, its stat total barely exceeds 400, which isn't that horrible, reaching that of the middle evolutions of the starters... but nothing to write home about in the grand scheme of things. It's a physical attacker, but its stats are relatively middling, and really the only decent physical STAB he gets is X-Scissor.

So what about the lore? Beyond being a mushroom-bug, I mean. The Pokedex entries talk about how Paras burrows onto tree roots and how it absorbs nutrition from tree roots, and then the mushrooms on its back absorb nutrition from it. So it's a play on parasitism, which is fine. I mean, both you and I right now have like a huge colony of bacteria playing parasite inside our intestines and on our skins, and the more filthy among us have fungi growing in unmentionable places as well. It's a gross piece of nature fact that's actually quite cool for me to learn as a kid.

Various dex entries identify Paras's mushrooms as the Tochukaso mushroom, all the way from Generation II to even its entry in Pokemon Moon. While Pokemon has scrubbed out all references to real life (like South Africa in Mew's Gen I Pokedex entry, or references to elephants in Gastly's Gen I Pokedex entry), the Tochukaso is one of the few that remain. The thing is, the Tochukaso is a very, very real fungus in the world, the Ophiocordyceps sinensis, popularly shortened as Cordyceps. Tochukaso is the Japanese reading of its Chinese name, 冬虫夏草 (dong chong xia chao, literally caterpillar summer grass). 

Despite what popular culture might imply, not all fungi are mushrooms, and certainly the Cordyceps aren't shaped like the toadstool mushrooms that grow out of Paras's back. No, the actual real-life Cordyceps take the form of black, icky worm-like tendrils when grown out of their hosts. And despite the association of fungi with the Grass-type in Pokemon, they're actually the third kingdom separate from animals and plants. Where most plants create their own nutrition via photosynthesis, fungi are parasitic and rely on other living things to feed them. Most are content to just feed on dead plants and animals (or that slice of bread you forgot to eat and left on the counter for days), but the Cordyceps is just so much more insane. It's a specialized parasite straight out of a sci-fi horror story, just on a lower scale. Cordyceps sinensis specifically target a certain species of caterpillars, killing them as larvae, before sprouting out of their corpses and growing as crude-looking extensions of themselves into the air before spreading their spores to spread more grub-killing fungi into the world. 

While the actual Tochukaso is relatively benign, its other relatives in the Cordyceps genus is a lot more... graphic. Featured in the manga Terraformars for those of you long enough to frequent this blog to remember when I reviewed that manga, a species of the Cordyceps genus, the Cordyceps unilateralis, targets a particular species of ants, and instead of killing the ants directly like the Tochukaso, it consumes the ant's non-vital tissues, before spreading into the ant's brain, altering the poor ant's perception and compelling it to seek a high altitude, before clamping down with its jaws. Only then, on a prime position to spread spores to infect more ants, does the fungus allow the ant to expire. Yeah. It's... definitely not the fun, cartoon-looking happy insect that Paras is. No, this thing is a freaking zombie ant fungus, and it's one of the most horrifying things in nature. 

The thing is, as the years go by, the Pokedex entries have not been shy at enforcing that, hey, no matter how much Paras eats, the Tochukaso mushrooms steal away all the nutrients. And there's not a god damned thing you, the trainer, can do about that, short of ripping off the Paras's mushrooms, and then what would be left of your Paras? Just... a bug. Even evolving it into Parasect actually just enlarges the mushroom so that it envelops Parasect's entire body, acting more like a shell than a mushroom growing on it. Parasect's eyes are entirely white and brain-dead, showing that, yeah, by evolving your Pokemon to gain power, you have effectively rendered the bug portion of Paras brain-dead, nothing but the plaything of the Tochukaso mushroom, the entity that is calling the shots of the Parasect gestalt.

I mean, the Pokedex identifies Paras and Parasect as the 'Mushroom Pokemon', and never the insect Pokemon or the parasitic Pokemon, so it might be that even as early as its life as a Paras, the bug portion of Paras never actually had a chance, and the mushroom was in control all along. Hell, I know this article is mostly about Paras, but Parasect's Pokedex entries have such... graphic descriptions of how Parasect is a zombie bug controlled by its mushroom. Its very first dex entry describes it as "the parasite mushroom has taken over the host bug", and future dex entries get progressively darker and darker. "The bug host is drained of energy by the mushrooms on its back." "When there's nothing left to extract from the bug, the mushrooms on its back leave spores on the bug's egg." "The large mushroom on its back controls it."

Yeah. This went from going to talking about the Pokemon of the Week into a straight-up biology lesson, and I really, really love weird and creepy animals and plants and fungi, but Paras himself is just kind of a boring bug-type if not for this backstory. Pokemon has had a great history of exaggerating natural aspects of the weirder part of the natural life, but none, I think, is as well done and unsettling as Paras and Parasect are. 

Arrow S05E06 Review: Dolph Lundgren Holy Shit

Arrow, Season 5, Episode 6: So it Begins

No one told me Dolph freaking Lundgren was going to play a character in Arrow! This random 'Konstantin Kovar' dude that I just brushed of in previous episodes as obscure antagonist of the season is played by Dolph Lundgren, and he's suddenly like a dozen times more interesting than he was before. The flashbacks this episode was a bit of a step-down from the previous ones due to it moving forward at a relatively rushed speed from 'Oliver hanging out with Anatoly as a Bratva member' to 'Oliver is part of a sting operation' to 'Oliver meets Kovar', but if that's what it takes to bring this mysterious Konstantin Kovar from this mysterious boogeyman into an actual character, then, well, why not?

In any case, this episode is a significant step-down from the previous episode's awesomeness regarding the whole Tobias Church plotline and all the members being thrown in play. We have Prometheus finally presented to the main cast as this super-vengeful villain that goes around terrorizing the city by murdering random moms with shurikens and blowing up trains and just generally inciting panic in large areas causing people to shoot stuff. That bit where Team Arrow had to stop a huge chaotic riot is a very realistic scene that hits a bit too close to home for me, which is why it's so effective.

Prometheus is presented as actually doing something, and the fact that his whole killing spree ends up being a veiled message to Green Arrow, is very dark and yet, at the same time, very appropriate. Oliver's flashback sequences is taking Oliver Queen into a very dark place, breaking him down into the pessimistic, kill-them-all vigilante that he was in season one. And thus it's appropriate that the plotline for the season to feature the last leg of Oliver's flashback to show the decisions that Oliver Queen committed throughout season one as the Hood would come back to bite him in the ass.

As I keep preaching, Arrow's season one told a good story -- it just was not a particularly good Green Arrow story. While the later seasons have done a decent job at turning the grim and gritty murder-vigilante into just one with constant angsting, this is the first where we've actually properly acknowledged Oliver being a straight-up serial killer in season one, with Prometheus calling Oliver out by targeting random civilians with the same initials as the names on the List. 

A combination of Oliver, Diggle and Felicity keeping secrets from the B-team and the revelation that Oliver is both the Hood and the Arrow (two things that the B-team didn't know), plus the existence of the List, really hit the B-team hard. Other than Artemis, the B-steam appear to recover remarkably quickly from the revelation, but the disgust and uncertainty has definitely been made clear. It's also something that intrepid reporter Susan Williams can potentially dig up and confront Oliver Queen with if she eventually does dig up Oliver Queen's second life. It's definitely a very interesting direction to steer the show into, and confronting Oliver Queen's season one sins is definitely one thing that makes this episode -- and all future ones -- far more interesting than just stopping HIVE, the League of Assassins or having a piss-fight with Felicity for the 52nd time.

This episode wasn't exactly super-great. It was serviceable, mostly because the sub-plots felt so throwaway. There's a random bit with Thea, Oliver and Quentin having to rent out like a concert or something? The Susan Williams subplot is just there to remind us that it exists. There's the subplot with Felicity and her ultra-supportive boyfriend. There's a small subplot of Thea discovering that, surprise surprise, Quentin Lance is actually still drinking. There's a scene near the end that shows Quentin with a wounded arm and one of Prometheus's blade shuriken things, but I am thoroughly unconvinced that Quentin would have the skills or resources to be Prometheus, unless, like Malcolm Merlyn reached out and trained him off-screen between the two seasons.

Whoever Prometheus is, though, it appears that he has relatively little to do with the comic book character of the same name beyond being a super-competent martial artist, and while he does leave a trail of police corpses last episode, he did fail to do anything to Artemis (arguably the least lethal of Team Arrow, Felicity notwithstanding) other than knocking her down, and retreated at the sight of Green Arrow. Despite me being unconvinced with Prometheus's skill, there is an aura of sinister personal-ness between Green Arrow and Prometheus that makes Prometheus a lot more similar to Slade Wilson rather than Merlyn, Ra's or Darrhk. For Prometheus, this is personal, even moreso than Slade.

So, who's Prometheus? The red herring seems to point to Quentin Lance, and if we're digging up season one characters, then a resurrected Tommy Merlyn would be cool, if unlikely. Other than that, though, who else (other than the obvious similarities to Malcolm Merlyn) would fit the shoes? Adrian Chase? Felicity's new boyfriend? I mean, Arrow has done its share of introducing love interests and then immediately show them as evil. Like, every single guy Thea has dated other than Roy Harper turned out to be evil. 

Artemis gets relative center stage after being barely a background prop in the past five episodes, and she's basically the angriest out of the lot. Curtis has a longer history with Oliver and while angry, isn't ready to immediately throw him under the bus. Rory is the peacemaker and would rather do something productive other than infighting (plus, he's had his own peaceful resolution of a conflict with Felicity). Rene might be the snarkiest and the most immediate to voice his concerns during the revelation, but he's also not arguing against Oliver at all, a result of his... de-fanging, of sorts, in the past two episodes.

This puts Artemis, who was stopped from being a killer by the Green Arrow, in a unique position where she finds out that the same man who stopped her from killing criminals because that would dishonour the Black Canary... is also a serial killer a couple of years ago. It didn't really amount to much, ultimately, other than a larger focus on showing her fighting and talking, and it hardly compares to what Ragman and Wild Dog went through in the previous episodes, but some characterization is better than no characterization. 

So yeah, while it might be a step down in quality compared to the last two or three episodes, it's certainly still a great episode to watch. 

Arrow S05E05 Review: Awesomeness

Arrow, Season 5, Episode 5: Human Target

Holy shit, what a masterfully crafted episode. It's an epic, mid-season finale that brings together all the characters that are in play in this season into one big conflict as both Tobias Church and Green Arrow unleash their respective master plans to topple the other.

We start off with a very gruesome depiction of Wild Dog being tortured. He talked a big game at the end of last episode, but the beatings both physical and mental to him eventually caused him to break so hard that he's actually digging his own grave in a scene -- something the Wild Dog of a couple episodes ago would not do. I mean, at the slightest notice of rescue he did use his shovel to take out like five mooks, but he did apologize to Oliver for giving away his secret identity to Church, and it took a therapy session with Diggle that lasted nearly the entirety of the episode for him to get over his trauma. It's a very... visceral torture scene that didn't outlast its welcome and just become 'oh god more of this' the way similar to how Ramsay tortured Theon in Game of Thrones where it lasted an entire season. No, the torture was more implied than anything, and the episode, if anything, focuses more on the aftermath more than the torture. And to see someone as... well, wild as Wild Dog get humbled like that is actually very well done.

Wild Dog's relationship to Oliver and the grudging respect he's built over the past few episodes is exemplified well. He's not too keen on Diggle playing therapist and he's not about to share his sob story to Diggle, but his string of failures, especially this newest one, has made him... a pretty obedient dog to Oliver, seamlessly obeying every single one of Oliver's commands and being more of a team player. That really only leaves Artemis as the only member of the main cast to be lacking a solid personality, but we still have so many more episodes to go through, so that's okay.

But while Wild Dog is recovering, Oliver has to deal with a very important zoning deal thing as well as the affections of the reporter lady Susan Williams, in addition to being targeted for murder by Tobias Church. Oliver decides to call in help from Diggle... and I keep scratching my head as to who this mysterious 'guy with a very specific set of skills' was going to be.

And as Oliver breaks down his political rival by reverse-blackmailing him, gets on Williams' good side and generally solves the problems of his alter-ego, he gets very graphically riddled with bullets and fall to the floor... apparently someone is impersonating Oliver. And it's someone we've never seen before... Christopher Chance, the Human Target! Which would be a big 'who?' moment to most viewers, but I know enough comics to know who he is to go 'okay, cool cameo' when he shows up. Like John Constantine before him, the Human Target has been the star of his own short-lived TV show, and it's very cool to have him brought back for a cameo, even if it's not by his original actor (nor have I actually watched a show about the freaking Human Target).

Chance doesn't steal the episode like Constantine did, though, only appearing in a couple of brief scenes... though he has such a wonderful, hilarious personality and lines that those scenes are absolutely memorable. From his swaggering introduction and the suspense-of-disbelief powers of disguise where he apparently can impersonate someone down to their mannerisms, to the hilarious unexpected help in the climax where he's apparently disguised as one of Church's thugs, to the bit of sage advice to Oliver in the end... perhaps the only scene that didn't work well was Chance randomly showing up, apparently hired by Anatoly, to save Oliver from a bunch of Bratva people who aren't too happy about a non-Russian joining them. Chance's role in the flashback was a bit unnecessary I think, but not one I would complain.

And it's amazing how this episode still managed to fit in Chance's debut and return to the small screen without making it its star potential, and I guess it's to the episode's benefit that the random new character was given a small bit role as to not distract from the larger conflict.

And, shit, there was a lot at play. In addition to the aforementioned Wild Dog drama, Church big plan and Oliver's own mayoral problems, there's also Prometheus,  there's Church's weird Genji-esque assassin enforcer, there's also Susan Williams doing her shady reporter thing, there's Diggle suiting back up for the first time this season, there's Oliver finally discovering that Felicity has a boyfriend now... Thankfully that last bit was more of a wave-away with Oliver showing up, hurt that Felicity didn't tell him but supportive in that she's moved on. It's a plotline no one wants to see expanded, and I'm thankful that it isn't.

Ragman, Artemis and Mr. Terrific don't get much to do but bat dialogue around, and neither do Quentin and Thea, but it's okay. They're around, they help to introdump some information and they do fighty stuff so that's fine. Ragman, of course, steals the show by his awesome rag powers (I can't believe I just typed 'awesome rag powers') in the cold open where he just doesn't give a fuck about bullets, and later tosses the random guy they interrogated towards the audience that the camera angle ends up being sort of fucked up.

But the eventual raid on Tobias Church's complex, with some familiar Amertek bosses from previous episodes as well as Church's... ninja-man bodyguard who's apparently named Scimitar serving as elite troops for the New Team Arrow to fight. We've got Green Arrow, Spartan, Wild Dog, Mister Terrific, Ragman, Artemis and the Human Target all gunning in with their own roles to play, and it's an awesome fight scenes all over, from the huge raid, to the B-team taking on Scimitar, to Wild Dog finally getting his balls back and doing toe-to-toe with Church, and to the final confrontation between Green Arrow and Church.

That scene, though. This episode and the previous have done wonders in raising Tobias Church's credibility as a villain, in particular the torture scenes, but here Oliver just absolutely shows him with a single minute of very, very awesomely choreographed fight scenes where Church makes it clear that he's not holding back, but every strike is parried and returned with vengeance by Oliver, who only gets hit by like a single shot or two. It's a very awesome fight, and very cathartic once Church goes down.

It really, truly feels like a mid-season finale, except it's the fifth episode. Fuck, man. Prometheus shows up midway through, warning Church not to fuck with Green Arrow only for Church to protect himself with the mysterious Scimitar. Prometheus later shows up with a very chilling scene as he massacres an entire police patrol off-screen, with us only hearing what's going on from the POV of Church and the one cop with him in the transport vehicle, and Church is so scared he's actually telling the cop not to go out there or he'll get killed. Church tries to sell Green Arrow's identity to Prometheus, but he gets a shuriken in his head for his troubles.

The Bratva storyline is a bit more detached to the main plotline in this episode, with Oliver being fully integrated into Bratva in a meeting with the head honchos, but one of them, Victor, isn't keen on having Oliver around and sends assassins -- upon which Oliver is saved by the Human Target as detailed above. The only real connection is a very interesting one, where the details of this particular event ends up getting shown to asshat reporter Susan Williams, who, while making a deal with Chance!Oliver to leave him alone and let him try to rebuild Star City for a month... seems pretty keen on proving things about Oliver isn't all what it seems to be. It's a bit odd why Oliver and Thea would spend so much more effort into getting her on their good side, but eh.

Overall, though? A very, very excellent episode. Holy shit, Arrow has been the most solid of all the CW shows this season, and I actually feel bad about watching it the last compared to the other three.

DC Easter Eggs Corner:

• Christopher Chance is the third DC character to call himself the Human Target and is by far the most iconic one. The Human Target, a man with the uncanny ability to mimic his clients either for protection or assassination (but with the danger of losing his own personality in the process), is the subject of a obscure but very well-received miniseries, as well as two live-action shows that aired in 1992 and 2010 respectively. His actor this time around also played Nuke, a.k.a. Wil Simpson, on Jessica Jones.
• The dude in body armour with a sword and a robotic-looking mask is never named, just noted as a 'freak' bounty hunter ninja dude that Church hired to protect him from Prometheus and Green Arrow, but is identified by the credits as Scimitar. There is no DC character called Scimitar on either side of the spectrum, though -- all references in the internet only lead to a Marvel villain, but this is a DC show so either someone got their comic books mixed up, or this is just a brand-new character.

Pokemon Sun LP, Part 9: Poni Island & Sidequests

Well, last we left off, we've arrived in Poni Island. There's a couple of brief cutscenes that establish that, hey, Lillie exists every time I enter a new area, although unlike Melemele it's inoffensive enough and sparse enough that it's not as in-the-nose as it was earlier in the game. A random lady on a Huntail-themed ship just straight up and gives me an Aerodactyl, which is... freaking out of nowhere but hey, I love Aerodactyl. I'll take it. I used one in my playthroughs of Fire Red and Y, and I'm pretty with my current party, though, so Aerodactyl'll be chilling in the PC for now.

Also while most of the ships in Seafolk Village are visually themed after water-type Pokemon, there's a random Steelix one which felt out of place.

Lillie and I travel north to a patch of grassy area that is identified as the Poni Wilds. We get a brief encounter with Hapu the Mudsdale child-cowgirl trainer, and apparently she's one of the few people who actually live here. She also apparently beat an Ultra Beast off-screen. We also meet her very creepy but well-meaning grandmother, who registeres Machamp to my Pokeride. Strength! And apparently Machamp goes around carrying me around with his lower arms in golden gloves, so the Machamp I saw in the graveyard so very long ago wasn't actually wearing prostheses, he just wears gloves.

Did anyone expect her
not to be important?
She has a unique model!

The trainers in Poni Wilds have Pokemon upwards to level forty, and one lady with a Toxapex actually unleashes a Z-move on me. I love this. It actually makes this relatively late-game area feel like an actual challenge where it's mostly trial-goers and experienced trainers, and it probably takes to heart the criticism about the sixth generation how literally no one but like, four or five people use Mega-Evolution despite it being supposedly the big thing in the game. The fact that a bunch of random trainers just launch Z-moves at me makes battles a lot more interesting.

Honestly getting tired of meeting Raticates and Pelippers, though Poni Wilds mixes things up by throwing like, Granbulls and Gastrodons into the mix. I could go to the East and go into Ancient Poni Path or whatever, but I decide to make a little detour to older areas. We beat Ilima at his house a while back, so I went to see if I can locate the other trial captains' houses. Sophocles and Acerola are still hanging out where I last left them, unwilling to fight. I did finally locate Mallow's house in the restaurant in Konikoni City, where the room is so obviously hers, but she's nowhere to be found. Guess there's like a prerequisite to fighting her?

Lana's house is the fisherman's house that's also in Konikoni City. I have to beat up play with her two younger sisters for a bit, slapping their weak-ass fish Pokemon with my undead grass owl, before Lana shows up and eventually challenges me to a battle. She doesn't actually use a Wishiwashi, though -- unlike Ilima, who uses a Gumshoos (a non-Totem version) in his battle. Lana has like a Shellder, a Chinchou and her ace is an Araquanid, but they're all level 26 so even the weakest member of my team, Boo the Mimikyu, just absolutely sweeps her party. I really wish the levels would've been scaled up, but eh, the dialogue's pretty cool in itself.

Kiawe's house is the Magmar House in Paniola town, where he's training his firedancing in his room... before rushing off to the Thrifty Megamart for work. That's... not what I was expecting from a badass Hawaiian fire-dancer, and the scene in front of the Megamart where the very nice but apologetic boss has to fire Kiawe because they can't spare any more money for extra workers. And Kiawe's kind of sad that he is laid off, but he's also completely understanding, even if he apparently is saving money to go abroad to learn even more styles of dancing.

...

Pokemon just got so real so fast and I'm actually quite sad. Jeez, Kiawe, I can take you to do, like, Pyukumuku chucking or something, that would actually net you a fair amount of money, more than what the Megamart makes. I really feel bad about beating Kiawe's Pokemon up -- and honestly, with a Lycanroc in the lead that's twice as high-leveled as anything Kiawe is carrying, the poor dude just didn't stand a chance.

I also made a pit stop in Malie City's huge garden with its Zygarde-shaped river, and the golden bridge that Hau was standing on has been... populated with a very, very, very familiar set of trainers. The kid in front of the bridge notes that this is the Nugget Bridge... and, holy shit, every single trainer has the exact same lines of dialogue and the exact same Pokemon as the trainers in the Nugget Bridge of the original Pokemon Red/Blue, right up to the final trainer who offers me to join Team Rocket... before backpedaling and noting that they're just pretending to be those guys because Team Rocket and Giovanni disbanded years ago. What an unexpected and extremely faithful throwback! I mean, yeah, the movepools are all different and some trainer classes have substitutes thrown in (the final trainer is a Veteran instead of a Rocket, and Rising Stars take the place of Jr. Trainers) but holy shit, this bought a small smile to my face.

There were a couple of other short exploration bits I did throughout Melemele and Akala Island now that I have access to Sharpedo and Machamp as ride Pokemon. It's a bit odd that the lighthouse in Konikoni City ended up being absolutely inaccessible other than the single Will-o-wisp TM. There were a couple of trainers in the waters around Melemele and whatnot that I absolutely trounced. There were also a couple other Pokemon that I added to my box collection.... honestly it's a bit annoying how so many of the new Pokemon are rare encounters but I guess that's incentive for you to actually hunt for them.

Also, I tried to enter Tapu Lele's chamber in the Ruins of Life, but after moving the puzzle pieces into place there's an altar with nothing else there. Tapu Bulu's Ruins of Abundance is apparently in the middle of the huge desert in the middle of Akala Island that's literally just a tiny little area that used to be blocked off before I cleared the island's trials, but in all the hubbub with Aether and Team Skull and everything, I completely forgot about it until now. In the face of the linearity of the game's storyline so far, I'm very happy that there's this little side-area tucked to the side that's actually very hard to explore. Haina Desert functions somewhat similarly to the Lost Woods in Kalos, as well as Giratina's Turnback Cave in Sinnoh, where some exits within mini-areas lead you to previously visited parts of the desert. So far I've only gotten a couple of items, and haven't quite found the Ruins of Abundance, but I guess it'll just be the same with Tapu Lele and Tapu Koko's respective ruins -- inaccessible.

What's accessible is the mall in Hao'uli City, which looks cool. There's a couple of stuff like the trainers that teach the starter ultimate moves, an antiques shop for items of the weather and creation trio legendaries, a super-expensive clothing store, a side-quest where I pick up pokemon shit (no, really) and feed it to a Grimer for a shitty TM (Round or something?) and the return of Kalos's battle restaurant. It's a very pretty and well-made mall, visually, but nothing really important in it.

Who's a good doggy?

There are a couple other smaller areas I explored, but the most significant is the Zygarde restoration machine, which I completely missed. It's in the long route in between Tapu Village and Po Town, and apparently Dexio and Sina are just hanging out in an Aether Foundation mobile lab thing with a very weird chunk of crystal. They talk about how Zygarde is a legendary Pokemon from Kalos (glad that they're not retconning that, at least) and how it's divided into a hundred cells and cores. With the Zygarde cells and cores I have collected, I can create a 10% Zygarde, the cute doggy one, so... yeah. The game just hands me a legendary Pokemon and it's apparently something that I could've feasibly done way, way earlier than this. Apparently I can disassemble Zygarde into cells, and later recreate or add more cells to him to make his... 50%? 75%? Whichever was the big wyrm one that we found in XY, and presumably once we hit 100% Zygarde swaps out his useless Aura Break ability for the one where he basically transforms into Ultraman once his HP hits a threshold.

Zygarde 10% is... kind of weak and not at all worthy of the label Legendary, as much as I love how he looks. His base stat total in the 10% form doesn't even reach that of Lycanroc's, and Lycanroc isn't guilty of anywhere being near the top-statted Pokemon. But of course. It's only 10% of its full form, a fair bit weaker than the hexagon hive worm-dragon we're all familiar with from XY. Also, as a dog made up of cells, he looks nothing like a Ground-type and certainly nothing like a Dragon-type. It's a very cool side-quest, though, and this guardian of the balance of nature will have to chill in the PC box for a while until I can get him transformed into his regal worm form.

After so much backtracking, I return to Ancient Poni Path to continue with the island trial plotline. I honestly am bummed that apparently the Kahunas have all dealt with the Ultra Beasts in other parts of the region, but hey, at least they're earning their keep as the strongest dudes around. There's a brief reminder of the Ultra Beast plotline (which I hope will still get continued, because that interests me so much more than the island trial) with the remnants of Team Skull confronting me and Lillie, but after beating up their grunts, Plumeria shows up, gives me the Poisonium Z and basically apologizes and asks us to help rescue Guzma if possible. I like how much more... people-like Team Skull are compared to Team Flare, where basically everyone other than Lysandre are interchangeable and lifeless, whereas Team Skull's Plumeria and various grunts have so much more personality.

We go through another very cool beachfront where the rocks are all black and choppy due to the waves crashing onto it, and as someone who lives near the ocean it's nice to see variations of coastlines that this game shows. Comparing this to the pretty static oceanic rocks and beachfronts we see in Hoenn, I'm definitely pleased. This is the Poni Breaker Coast, which leads into the Ruins of Hope, upon which we are treated to even more Lillie cutscenes. Honestly. I get it, she's more proactive and her dialogue has extended beyond variations of 'I don't like fighting but I'll watch you guys this one time' and 'Nebby get in bag', but shit, I get that she's travelling with me. No need to have every single damn area transition be a twenty-dialogue-long cutscene.

Slightly before we came around, Hapu apparently just received the Z-ring that allows her to be kahuna of Poni Island, succeeding her grandfather that died... years before? What? So how did people complete the island challenge if we're missing one kahuna? And Nanu's apparently a deadbeat one too. No wonder Professor Kukui needs to set up the league, apparently the island challenge trial system is just not maintained very well. Granted, if the criteria of becoming kahuna is being selected by the Tapus, well, it's not every day that extradimensional alien muscle-mosquitoes invade Alola to allow you a chance to show off your battle skills.

A COCONUT NUT IS NOT A NUT

There was a brief talk about the Tapus and the kahunas and the legendary pokemon of the sun (SOLGALEO! YOU CAN SAY HIS NAME, YOU KNOW?). Lillie has the moon flute, and apparently we need the sun flute to try and get Solgaleo to revive Nebby from his coma. So Hapu recommends that we go to the chief of the Seafolk Village to ask him to grant us access to the resting place of the sun flute... Exeggutor Island.

Yep. The sacred flute that summons the Pokemon of the Sun, the legendary beast that came from a realm beyond humans to protect Alola, who apparently beat down all the four Tapu guardians in combat, the great and mighty Solgaleo... and the relic that summons him is in... Exeggutor Island. As in, an island for goofy, doofy Alolan Exeggutors.

Another needlessly long cutscene of Lillie talking to the Seafolk chief (who doesn't even have a unique model!) later, we arrive at the Exeggutor Island, an island roughly shaped like an Exeggutor inhabited by Exeggutors, and to hammer this point home, Lillie gets a cutscene where she is surprised by a particularly vigorous Exeggutor. I caught the event Exeggutor, and am very, very tempted to add him into the team. I love Alolan Exeggutor! It's just so silly! But I really like my team of six, and I still have a Vikavolt I need to add into it, so... sorry, Exeggutor. Maybe next time.

We get another long cutscene about Lilie hiding out from the rain (pussies! I braved the rains of a rampaging Primal Kyogre himself!) inside a cave, before returning to Poni Island. Blah blah blah more Lillie talk, before I head towards Poni Canyon... upon which I am confronted with Hapu, newly-minted Island Kahuna.

And mother of fucks, Hapu is hard. She probably wouldn't be, if I had switched on Exp. Share, but she outlevels half of my party, and the lack of Water-types and Flying-types now that I don't have to structure my team around HMs means that, jeez, my team is very ill-equipped to fight hers. The Gastrodon wasn't too bad since my Decidueye just one-shots it, and the Flygon dies to my Ribombee (Mimikyu needs to learn Play Rough some time soon). But the Dugtrio and the Mudsdale? Hoo boy. Those two hit hard, hit fast, and the Mudsdale has a ton of defense that it buffs with every single hit it receives. Mudsdale's ability triggers after every hit, not after every contact or physical move -- honestly it's a bit broken and I marvel at this horse that I honestly didn't really care about until now. Likewise, Dugtrio's Ground/Steel typing presents a wee bit of a challenge since more than half my team gets royally fucked by it (Magneton, Ribombee, Lycanroc and Mimikyu) while the other remainding two (Golisopod and Decidueye) can't really touch it super-effectively.

He sounds hilarious in the anime.

Suffice to say, when the dust has settled, only Golisopod and Magneton from my side is still left standing. Magneton, who immediately evolves into... MAGNEZONE! I totally forgot that Poni Canyon was the place where these magnet-area Pokemon evolves, so I was so happy! I have always never minded the Magnemite line, finding them cool enough to like but not that awesome that I'd want it in my party until, well, this playthrough of a Sun, so to see wee little Gigaton take his final form... well, I love it! And the stat boosts all over the board doesn't hurt either.

(Also, I have noticed only a couple of hours ago that the two Magnemites making up the lower part of a Magneton actually are missing one of the screws. Apparently this has been a revision in the Magneton's model since Generation IV, something that I absolutely had no idea was even a thing.)

Magnezone is just awesome. It gains so much defense, HP and special attack, and while I think it actually loses a bit in speed, it's not a remarkably huge problem, not when it's landing Thunders that OHKOs everything that doesn't resist electricity.

Also, I ran back to my PC, deposited Xeno the Golisopod and brought out Shrapnel the Charjabug, who has been benchwarming in the PC box for, like, two islands. The first battle in which I activated my exp share, and Shrapnel immediately evolves into... Vikavolt! YES! I mean, I have grown very, very attached to my team of six, but Vikavolt is still a favourite design, and I foresee swapping out Vikavolt with either Mimikyu or Golisopod throughout my playthrough of at least this last leg of the journey. Vikavolt is severely underleveled, easily more than 15 levels lower than Mimikyu, the lowest-leveled member of my team, but it'll catch up.

Coolest. Bug. Ever.

Vast Poni Canyon is, well, a larger route than I thought it would be. It takes the form of several interconnected caves and not just a single canyon, with the individual caves connected with cliffside roads, as well as bridges both manmade and natural. It's pretty cool looking -- if anything, playing through Alola really makes me want to at least find out what real-life parts of Hawaii these areas are based on. The trainers in Vast Poni Canyon are a lot more challenging as well, with a wider variety of Pokemon, and are the source of pretty efficient leveling for my party, especially Vikavolt who has to play catch-up.

There's an irritating cutscene where Lillie tries to be brave and shit, and tries to cross a bridge. While three Murkrows hop on and caw threateningly. Not even pecking her or anything like that. Just standing around and cawing. When Hau grows a backbone, he joins me and Emo-boy Gladion in assaulting a giant facility swarming with powerful trainers. When Bianca from Black/White grows a backbone, she stands up to her father in a shouting match. I'm sorry. I'm just not really giving a shit about Lillie. I get that she's going through a character arc and on paper it's pretty well-written, but when her attempts at emulating me, Gladion or Hau ends up in weak efforts like crossing a bridge... yeah. What, the script couldn't have afforded her taking up the third starter so she can at least have an attempt at being a trainer?

I do like the explanation that Lillie's powers of Pokemon Center emulation comes from an endless supply of Potions, Ethers and Revives, though.

It's a pretty long dungeon, the Vast Poni Canyon, so I'm calling it a day around what I hope is the halfway mark. It's been a fun, fun detour through all of Alola, and despite my criticisms of Lillie I still am enjoying the pretty charming storyline. And most of all, my Magneton and Charjabug have evolved into their final forms!

Current (and most likely final) party:

• Green Arrow the Decidueye
• Ressa the Lycanroc
• Gigaton the Magnezone
• Tatl the Ribombee
• Xeno the Golisopod
• Boo the Mimikyu / Shrapnel the Vikavolt (alternating)