Friday, 6 September 2019

Reviewing Monsters - The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time

https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/oot_cast_poster.pngYour mileage may vary on what the best Legend of Zelda game is. Some say Breath of the Wild for the sheer scope and the pretty graphics. Some say A Link to the Past, for being such a revolutionary leap for the genre and packing so much content into a Super Nintendo cartridge. Some say Majora's Mask, for being such a great sequel and such a well-polished acid trip with a unique gimmick. Some say Wind Waker for daring to actually take a leap with risks and not just be content at remaking the same old setting.

But one thing that everyone agrees is a very, very solid game, if not the best game of its time, was The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, marking the very first time that Zelda jumped from 2D to 3D, and ended up with not just fighty-fight gimmicks, but also had the now-granted lock-on mechanic, and also had a story that was pretty damn solid throughout the entirety of the game and not just given in small chunks of cutscenes. It's primitive nowadays considering how much other RPG's (and the Legend of Zelda franchise in general) draw and improve on the formula that Ocarina of Time did, and especially since the blocky graphics are kind of outdated... but man, if you get past that, Ocarina of Time does deserve its reputation as one of the more revolutionary games in the franchise, and, hey, as is our focus in these "reviewing monsters" series, has its fair share of cool fantasy video-game monsters.

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So the first ones we'll talk about are the very first enemies that Link faces as a kid, and before he has all of his fancy equipment, which are the Deku Baba, which... are just giant venus flytrap style plants in the same vein as Mario's Piranha Plants. Very simple as far as these things go, but it's always just such a bizarre treat to see what's otherwise a pretty harmless real-life organism like a flower be translated into a dangerous fantasy monster. Or, well, relatively dangerous.

File:OoT Deku Baba Artwork.pngThe Withered Deku Baba, as its name implies, is 'withered' and weak, standing ram-rod straight and just sort of clatter around like noisy little nuisances as opposed to actually being threats. I'm 90% sure they can't actually hurt Link unless he runs straight into them. The actual Deku Baba is actually proactive, behaving sort of like a snake rooted to a spot that tries to chomp down on Link when he passes by, and even hide in the grass by retracting its massive purple fang-head. Which I never really thought about, but man, what a weird feature to give to a plant monster. I guess they just act kinda like Bobbit Worms or something? The Withered version will drop "Deku Sticks" that Link can harvest as fragile spear-club things, while the regular Baba will drop seeds that Link weaponizes as slingshot ammunition. Ocarina of Time doesn't have a complex crafting system like subsequent games, but it does make all of the monster drops feel thematic and count into making a cohesive world, y'know?

This is the Deku Baba's first appearance in the Legend of Zelda franchise, and the freaking wacky hidden trap-flowers will continue making appearances in basically every second Legend of Zelda game in the future. Not all the OOT monsters have official artwork, but I'll be including them for those that have. The more powerful variant, the Big Deku Baba, shows up in the 'future' timeline segments of the game (spoiler-slash-surprise, Ocarina of Time features time travel), and while a simple resizing affair, is a neat way to show how apparently even the mundane Deku Babas have grown wild, out of control, and actually basically invade the previously happy Kokiri Village.


These next set of monsters are a wee bit weird, because the models double as both NPC's and as part of the soulless, "kill-em-all-without-morality-issues" enemies that you face throughout your journey through Ocarina of Time. Doesn't help that Majora's Mask, the sequel to this, actually gives you the ability to transform into a Deku Scrub and features an entire society and town featuring the race, meaning that moreso than any other enemy in this game, the Scrubs (this was a time before 'scrub' is a derogative gamer term) are straight-up sentient beings that Link sort of murder en masse throughout his journey.

The Deku Scrubs (originally called the "Deku Nuts" in Japanese) are... pretty interesting creature. I can sort of easily describe this as sort of a cross between the Pokemons Oddish and Bellsprout, and like the Deku Baba, they spend most of their time hiding underground because that's what the designers really want to highlight about plants, I guess? The Scrubs are a lot more distinctive, though, with their leaf 'hat' being pretty visible. Mostly it's a matter of actually hitting the Scrubs than actually spotting them. Unlike the dumb Babas, the Scrubs are smart enough to hide into subterranean safety if Link gets close, so Link has to use his shield to bounce back the giant wooden seeds that the Scrubs shoot out towards him... but once Link gets ranged weapons like the boomerang and the bow, they get significantly easier to defeat.

Like what I said in my Pokemon reviews, I really do think that as much as the design trope is overused in Japanese-originated mascots, a little huge head with big eyes, stubby limbs and little accessories just really work at making a good silhouette, y'know? It's no surprise that the Deku Scrubs get such a highly increased role in Majora's Mask. Hell, a bunch of friendly Deku Scrubs even feature in some parts and side-quests in this game's foresty areas.


Two different variations are also found in the game. With an all-new model, the Business Scrub have ganglier limbs, a less hood-like hat and a facial expression that just looks kinda-sorta nervous and pathetic... honestly, combined with the little sound effect jingle that plays whenever you meet one of these, as well as the pose of the hands, the Business Scrubs... well, basically behaves like a regular Deku Scru in battle... until you defeat them. Then they will miserably beg for mercy and then try and sell their merchandise to you, essentially serving as one-time merchants. A pretty fun little gimmick... more monsters in these fantasy video games should try and give up and try and hawk their goods at you!


The Mad Scrub is an autumn-themed recolored version of the Deku Scrub, and, like the Big Deku Baba, mainly shows up in the future timeline sequence. It's sort of implied from the name that the "Mad" Scrub have truly gone insane, and unlike their two green brethren, the Mad Scrubs will just machinegun their seed at Link without even trying to hide, making them susceptible to Link just charging up and slicing them to death.

Overall, though, the Scrubs start a glorious tradition of the 3D Zelda games really loving to make their own weird plant-men races, something I definitely approve of!


I'm going to lump these three together because they're essentially the same monster, just resized. From left to right, we have the Skullwalltula, Skulltula and the Big Skulltula. They're an interestingly simple way to take a simple monster trope -- the giant spider -- and make them distinctive. And, sure, turning the spider's abdomen into a grinning, winking human skull is pretty damn interesting! A lot of real-life arthropods do actually have markings resembling larger creatures (including, yes, the Noble False Widow, or the "Death's Head Spider" who has skull-esque markings on their abdomens) but since this is fantasy-land, it appears that the Skulltulas have just straight-up grown osseus carapaces aroud their abdomens. And, well, at least for the Skulltula and the Big Skulltula, you have to hit their weak spot -- their underside -- meaning that this is basically a 3D Koopa. But more spidery. Thank god they conveniently just hang down on a string and rotate around... they don't actually scuttle around on their legs until, like, Twilight Princess or something. Like most early-game enemies, once you get a specific item (the Hookshot in this case), you can bypass the whole "wait for it to expose its weak point" and just murder it in one shot.

In Japanese, these are named "Staltula" to fit with the "Stal" naming scheme of other undead monsters in the game, but the "skull" prefix does admittedly flow a lot better.


The Gold Skulltula have a decidedly more interesting model, with Spiny-Orb-Weaver-esque spikes, and, well, a golden coloration. There are a hundred Gold Skulltulas hidden across both versions of Hyrule and these are, I think, the first (or one of the first) collection quests in a Legend of Zelda game before they go overboard with these sidequests. They are less enemies and more collectibles, but Link still has to 'kill' them to have them count towards his total. I think there's a story associated with these, like, a family that was cursed to turn into Skulltulas that Link has to save by killing the 100 Golden Skulltulas or something?


The Gohma Larva is sort of a very loose adaptation of the original Gohma enemies from the 2D games, which are like one-eyed cartoon spiders. While still ostensibly arthropods, I really do like that the Gohma Larva in this game look more like... well, weird mutant creatures. I'm not even sure how to describe them. Giant spheres with one eye, chicken legs, and... and weird crystalline stingers? They're a neat reimagination of the classic one-eyed spider enemies, albeit looking more like something out of Star Wars than a regular spider or insectoid enemy, but I do like that the Gohma Larva isn't just readily equated into a real-life arthropod.

The Gohma Larva only show up in the very first dungeon of the game, the Deku Tree, first showing up individually (and hatching from eggs) until the true menace, the mother Gohma (we'll cover bosses and minibosses in a separate article), shows up as the big bad boss of the dungeon. Of course, since this is Legend of Zelda, the mother Gohma summons a bunch of these weird chicken-bugs as minions during her boss fight. Honestly, at this point in time, a big bug enemy that lays eggs that hatch into miniature bugs have sort of been done to death, but I do appreciate how fucking weird OOT's Gohma Larvae look.


Man oh man, fuck the Peahats. I simultaneously adore them as enemies, and also hate them because I'm pretty sure I died more times to Peahats alone than with any other enemy or boss fights in Ocarina of Time. The Peahats in the 2D games were honestly a generic starter enemy, just helicopter flowers that float around screens in early areas.

Well, OOT's Peahats are still helicopter flowers, and they populate the largest area in the overworld, Hyrule Field. And in one of the coolest parts of their design, the Peahats are perhaps one of the nicest signs that the designers of Ocarina of Time really put in effort in designing the enemies. Being giant plant monsters, during the night, the Peahats are planted and rooted to the groud, leaving only the huge flower-leaf part visible and are content to shoot out the Peahat Larvas out, which are little helicopter buzzsaw drones, to chase down Link. Which is annoying, because the little larvas move fast and are hard to damage.

But in the day, plants are more active, right? So these giant Peahats (and I do mean giant, they're easily twice or three times Link's size) will just burst out of the ground, showing off their massive gourd-like body and having gigantic sword-like helicopter blades... and the Peahat can only be damaged by a weak spot that is constantly facing away from Link in the center of those helicopter blades. Honestly, as an enemy that's completely optional in the game and just something encoutered in Hyrule Field, it's impressive just how much thought they put into this one enemy that you encounter as you travel around, and can even just avoid -- a huge, huge fan of the Peahats and how dickish they actually are.


Speaking of the day/night cycle of the game, at night... zombie skeletons show up in Hyrule Field! The Stalchild (Stalbaby in the original Japanese) are extremely goofy looking, with that head looking more like... well, some weird animal-man like Disney's Goofy or something. I don't think it even has a lower jaw! I'm not sure if any race in Ocarina of Time actually corresponds to these Stalchildren, and I suppose Nintendo's just doing this so as not to traumatize the kids playing this game too much (gotta wait until Dead Hand shows up for that!).

Basically, the Stalchildren will just keep showing up and rattle and swarm and beat up Link and, like the Peahat, acts more of a 'hey, isn't it great if you had better equipment?' gear checks. As kind of an easter egg, if you kill enough Stalchildren, a giant one will emerge to fuck shit up, but other than its size, it's just like, got twice the HP or something.


You kinda need a bunch of mundane enemies, and the Guay are basically large-billed mean crows. They're just kind of assholes that peck Link in some areas, and... honestly, kind of boring. Like the Stalchildren, a Giant Guay will show up if you kill enough.


Like the Guay, the Keese are honestly "just bats". Like, sure, they're stylized and whatnot, but they're just angry D&D bats that show up in most dungeons, hide in the roof and dark shadows, and just swoop down and slam unprepared players and chip down their health. They're not dangerous, but unlike the Guay, at least the game does something interesting with them later on.

Because, well, later on you get into fire-themed and ice-themed dungeons, and Fire Keese and Ice Keese show up respectively, and they're... well, Keese with elements, respectively. Fire Keese deals fire damage, and is vulnerable to Link's ice arrows, and vice versa. The interesting thing, of course, is that if a regular Keese should fly through a torch, or if Link shoots them with a fire (or ice) arrow, the Keese will actually transform into its elemental version, showing that the Keese is actually far neater than "just a bat". They can actually mutate depending on what they're exposed to, which is pretty damn cool.


The Cuccoo are more of an easter egg NPC you can interact with more than anything. They're chickens! They're hilarious... but don't ever hit them with a sword. Continuing a tradition started in either ALTTP or Link's Awakening, they damn things are invulnerable, and hitting one with a sword will cause a swarm of angry, invincible Cuccoos to show up and pursue and attack Link and murder him to death unless you somehow have enough Matrix-style skills to avoid them and escape Kakariko Village.

This makes the Cuccoo, as always in Zelda games, the most powerful enemy in the game. Honestly, if Link had actually bothered to weaponize the damn chickens instead of relying on a magic sword in a mystic forest, Ganondorf would've been beaten looooong ago.



Another one from the 2D games are Legend of Zelda's unique take on ghostly enemies, which are the Poe, little pudgy cartoon ghosts with only eyes visible under the darkness covered by their hoods. Also, they carry lanterns. And the lanterns actually work to the gimmick of defeating them! Found in the graveyards at night, Link actually using the lock-on feature on the Poe would make them disappear... other than the lantern they are holding. For a game that focuses so much on locking on, the only way that Link can actually beat the Poes is actually not locking on and just charging in and slashing them while they're visible.

There's a bunch of variants as seen here, in addition to a couple of unique miniboss models. The two-horned Poes are sort of rare encounters in the adult timeline, but otherwise behave similarly to their child timeline counterparts. The one on the far left that's a lot more white are Big Poes, and there are ten of them that appear specifically as part of a side-quest. Basically, they show up when Link approaches their hiding spot and float away within a matter of seconds and pass through walls and stuff and Link has to shoot them with the bow fast enough to kill them, harvest their souls and sell them to the enigmatic Poe Collector, a pretty creepy motherfucker that looks like a boss fight himself. The Poe Collector will basically reward Link with money and an empty bottle while he harvests the souls of ghosts for him. Profit...?

Regardless, considering how charming the Poes are, how well-integrated they are to the fighting system while also being pretty simple, and how neatly distinct the designers managed to make the different variants despite them being palette swaps, the Poes are pretty neat enemies to fight for sure!


So one of the earlier quests that Child Link has to go through includes investigating the mystery of Kakariko Village's graveyard, and, what do you know, there's a whole underground chamber under these damn gravestones, populated by the Redeads (or ReDeads... I spent a long time thinking they were pronounced red-deads). And they're just sort of zombies, dessicated corpses with a burial mask. Or is that just a sunken, sallow mummified face? And in theory, this pixelated zombie man shouldn't be scary.

But they fucking kind of are. It's a combination of the fact that you jump straight from the cartoony monsters before the ReDead encounter straight to these uncannily creepy things, as well as the general music of the graveyard levels, as well as the unearthly shriek that these things make... but mostly, the creepiest things about the Redeads are the fact that they are deceptively dumb looking. The first time you meet them, the Redeads are just shambling aroud like B-movie zombies that go 'braiinsss'... but when Link comes close (and it's explicitly sound they react to) they suddenly go straight into World War Z zombie mode and run towards Link while screaming... before jumping onto Link's face and hump it try to rip his face off.

Again, pretty damn scary until Link gets the appropriate item to take them down -- the Sun's Song, in this case, which stuns the ReDeads themselves and allows Link to get a lot of good hits in. In perhaps the biggest case of badass decay ever in this game, once Link goes through the time-skip and you gain control of seven-years-later adult Link, you encounter a swarm of ReDead shambling around the ruins of Castle Town (implied to be the zombified forms of the merchants you meet as a kid!) and you just take them down as easily as Deku Babas.


The Wolfos (Zelda really loves the -fos suffix) is... kind of boring? He's just a gangle wolf-man with a hiariously goofy expression for what's probably supposed to be a scary enemy. Most of the time, we fight the gray version, and they're... like enemies that are significantly tougher and are just a straight-up "brawl till one of you dies" enemy, unlike the more puzzle-like or item-gated enemies. Maybe that's why I find them uninteresting? A snow-themed variant, the White Wolfos, appears in the mini-dungeon, the Ice Cavern.


Perhaps my favourite reimagination of a classic 2D enemy is the humble Octorok. While the Peahat, the Leever, the Tektite, the Keese and a lot of others are just basically the same enemies transplanted into 3D, the Octoroks are actually vastly changed. Sure, they're still traditional Japanese cartoon octopus that shoot rocks out of their siphons, but instead of wandering around the land, they now live in the water, popping out with those adorably sad-looking green eyes while launching rocks at Link. It's such a small change in habitat, but it honestly made the Octorok so much more natural-looking. Huge fan!


OoT Blue Tektite Model.png
OoT Blue Tektite Artwork.pngThe Tektites are still essentially the same, as I mentioned before. Little weird nondescript bug enemies with a central body, a weirdly fleshy eyeball and four grasshopper esque legs. And they jump around! Two variants show up in Ocarina of Time, and I really do love how the game actually differentiates them based on habitat. The Blue Tektites populate areas nearby water, and jump around in areas aroud the Zora River and the water temple, whereas the Red Tektites hang aroud the volcanic Death Mountain. Not the most complex enemies, since all they do is bounce around and make it sometimes hard to hit them, but still, bug enemies are cool! The official artwork actually shows them to be more grasshopper-y, with additional little buggy mandibles. Pretty cool stuff, honestly.


The Beamos is perhaps one of the more iconic enemies from older games, being more traps and obstacles than actual creatures you have to overcome. The Beamos is reimagined from a Corinthian column into this... this bizarre, genuinely uncomfortable looking... thing. Look at it! What the fuck is that thing even supposed to be? Sure, it's still a mostly-invulnerable column with a cyclopean eyeball turret that shoots laser beams. That bit isn't changed. But instead of an almost-mechanical vibe that past Beamoses in 2D games has, OOT's Beamos look more like homunculi of sorts. Look at that uncomfortably human-looking giant nose and toothy lip on the bottom half, as well as those pudgy feet!

Pretty genuinely bizarre and honestly disturbing designs, and they actually go back to being a lot more mechanical (well, magical steampunk) in subsequent 3D games, but kudos to whoever made the Beamos look so memorably creepy in this game. The hint is that "Beamos doesn't like smoke"... which apparently means they get blown up by bombs. Okay. There are also waaaaay too many of these damn things in dungeons.


The Baby Dodongo are... honestly kind of weirdly disappointing if not accompanied by their larger cousins. They're just these weird little worm-like snake things with a huge triangular head, which look kinda boring. They don't show up a lot, mostly in the Dodongo's Cavern dungeon, and... they are actually explosive, and actually relevant in solving a specific puzzle where Link has to goad them to chase him and explode in a specific spot. Would've been really boring without his adult counterpart.

The official artwork makes it even more confusing, making the thing look more like an angry fish-headed worm more than anything.


Regular Dodongo goes from a lumpy ceratopsian dinosaur in the 2D games into this two-legged diant lizard-dragon thing, another pretty interesting reinvention. Subsequent games (even 2D ones!) would actually alternate pretty strongly on the original ceratopsian Dodongo and this two-legged giant komodo dragon. Thankfully, the game came with a manual that shows just how reptilian and dinosaurian the Dodongo is meant to look like.

In the lore of Ocarina of Time, the Dodongo have taken over the territory of Link's rock-people allies, the Gorons, and are the subject of the Dodongo's Cavern dungeon. They're pretty fun to fight, being especially challenging for Young Link. They breathe fire, they spin around to make sure Link doesn't strike its weak tail, and are also weak to bombs -- you can either make the Dodongo eat them, or just lob the bombs wantonly at the Dodongo. Apparently, despite the Dodongo being pretty damn vulnerable to bombs, the Gorons are able to make safe bomb-bags out of harvested Dodongo stomach. Oookay? I really do think that out of all of the models in Ocarina of Time, the Dodongo is perhaps the one that has aged the least well. Still a cool enemy to fight, though.


The Armos in this game is... interesting. So the original Armos in the 2D games are supposed to be walking, animated suits of armor, but in practice the sprites just sort of wobble and jump around. Come the translation to 3D, and apparently the Armos also do the same, just bouncing around like a giant, sentient chest piece. I do like just how weirdly in-humanoid this thing looks, just like someone carved a crude face onto a lumpy rock, and glued the horns and weapons in. Considering how golems are made in many fantasy settings, that might very well be the case. Armoses don't actually show up too many times, mostly just in the fire-themed dungeons, but they hide among statues that look like them, which is a nice little gimmick.


The Lizalfos make their debut in this game (unless I'm missing a 2D Lizalfos somewhere) and, well, they're humanoid and for the standards of this game's enemies, are pretty complex with a fair amount of moving parts. They are obviously supposed to represent like Lizardmen or whatever from D&D, and they're pretty simple. Just giant gecko-people with a sword and rudimentary clothing textures, just jumping and scuttling around. They're honestly pretty neat looking, honestly, and Ocarina of Time actually sparses Lizalfos encounters enough for them to feel like a neat mini-mini-boss.

It is really hilarious, though, how the official artwork of the Lizalfos made it out to be this badass, musclebound Lizardman warrior when the actual in-game model looks more like a hyperactive angry gecko.


The Shabom is an enemy specific to the dungeon Jabu Jabu's Belly, because, yes, a portion of the game takes place in the belly of a giant whale-god. The Shabom are admittedly minimal-effort, though, just bubble enemies that blow up if they get too close.

 
Ah, now we're talking. The Biri and the Bari are electrical floating jellyfishes, and associating the electrical element to jellyfishes is actually a pretty fun way to interpret the stinging venom of real-life jellyfishes. I also do like that we have two variants of them. The Biri look more like real-life jellyfishes, with floating, curtain-like tentacles and a pretty fun colourful bell; whereas the Bari look more... sci-fi-esque, with an almost Metroid-esque design, with fleshy tentacles tipped with barbs. Like their 2D counterparts, Baris will explode and split into multiple Biris upon dying. A pretty good reimagination of the original 2D Biri and Bari, honestly.

The Biri and the Bari are another one of those item-gated enemies, being almost invincible initially -- you can kill them with bombs, but with them floating around it's significantly harder than hitting a Beamos. But once you get the Boomerang, the Biri will fall apart very easily. Ocarina of Time actually does a pretty great job at having weaker versions of a dungeon's final boss basically be little enemies Link encounters earlier in the dungeon, with the boss of Jabu Jabu's Belly being a monstrous version of a Bari.


Oh, this one is cool. The Stinger is yet another enemy exclusive to Jabu Jabu's Belly and the Water Temple, and look like weird alien manta-ray creatures. The teal and orange coloration is especially striking, as are the four beady red eyes and the serrated fin-tips. They dive in and out of pools and alternate with floating around to try and ram into Link. While pretty simple enemies, again, I do appreciate that Ocarina of Time has enough themed variations to make each dungeon feel pretty unique.


The Tailpasaran is... a weird critter. Based on the 2D Moldorm ("Tail" in Japanese) enemies, the Tailpasaran look a lot more like a straight-up 3D-fication of a 2D enemy, just a bunch of circular spheres attached to a centipede-like head. Honestly, as much as OOT is admittedly primitive in its graphics, the Tailpasaran sort of stand out as looking particularly odd. They also only honestly show up once or twice in the Jabu Jabu dungeon, supposedly being like parasitic tapeworm enemies or something, and duck in and out of their 'nests' and zap Link.


The Parasitic Tentacle is more of an environmental fixture, just being a huge fleshy tentacle that Link has to destroy three of inside Jabu Jabu's Belly, and apparently connected to the main parasite body (the boss, Barinade)... but the game and Na'vi identifies the Parasitic Tentacle as an enemy monster. So... yeah. It's a thing.


The Skull Kid (Stal Kid in Japanese) is more of a mischievous nuisance than a straight-up enemy, apparently a race of fairy-like tricksters that live in the Lost Woods, an area where Link will get turned around and sent back to the entrance if he doesn't know which way to go. The Skull Kids are apparently Kokiri (or children) who got lost in the Lost Woods or something? They're mostly mischievous, although some help out by giving Child Link items or trinkets if you solve their little puzzles. However, apparently they only want to play with children, because showing up in the adult timeline as an adult, one of the Skull Kids you explicitly befriended by giving him a cute skull mask will attack adult Link, and unlike most other enemies... this one does not respawn. Yep, that's right. Adult Link just straight-up murdered someone he befriended as a kid.

Their original 3D model has them have black skin, duck bills and glowing red eyes, but probably because of international racism concerns, most subsequent remakes and reissues of Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask have given the Skull Kid a more scarecrow-inspired face.

Honestly, a pretty interesting little enemy that's simultaneously creepy and friendly... basically what the fair folk really should be. Skull Kid's easily one of the breakout characters in Ocarina of Time, becoming essentially the big bad of Majora's Mask and major antagonist/supporting-trickster-characters in subsequent games.


The Moblin and Club Moblin ("Bossblin" in Japanese) are giant bulldog-faced orcs that basically are a neat homage to another enemy from the 2D games. Instead of being comically blue and fat, though, these pig-men are muscular, tall, and actually look threatening other than their piggy, doggy faces. These are, of course, obviously orcs before World of Warcraft sort of changed the pop culture default image of orcs from "pig-men" to "green musclemen with a huge underbite and tusks". Zelda as a franchise has often gone back and forth from showing Moblin as being pig-men or bulldog-men. As a commenter pointed out, though, I missed the noses on these specific Moblin incarnations showing that they're, in fact, bulldogs. 

Despite their impressive looking stature and their implied task of being sent by Ganondorf to guard the Sacred Grove post-timeskip, the Moblins are hilariously weak and Link would have far more problems with the Mad Scrubs earlier in the area than the Moblins.


From left to right, we have the Blue Bubble, Green Bubble, Red Bubble and the very rare White Bubble. Despite their names, the Bubbles are actually angry floating skulls found in the more... sinister and undead-themed dungeons in the game. Honestly, while simple, I do really like the visuals of a yakking skull with adorable wing-ears just flying aroud. And the three most common variants are on fire!

Best of all is how you fight them. After taking enough damage (you have to time your strikes to when the flame 'shield' activates and turns off), the flames go out and the poor skull just hops around on the ground desperately to run away from Link, and Link has to chase down and smash them for good, otherwise they regenerate into a floating Ghost Rider head again.


I can't believe it took us this long to get to the Stalfos, who's... honestly pretty dang mundane. He's just a skeleton man with minimal armour, a sword and shield. The Stalfos first show up in the Forest Temple, and perhaps are the first enemy that actually mirrors Link's sword-and-shield fighting style -- the Lizalfos are fast, but can't actually block. The Stalfos themselves are surprisingly tough considering their original 2D counterparts are kind of some of the weakest enemies around, but perhaps my favourite part is late in the game in the Spirit Temple where Link has to fight a Stalfos as Child Link (all other Stalfoses are fought as an adult) and the sheer challenge and gap in strength is pretty felt.

Despite looking pretty goofy as far as skeletons go, the Stalfoses are actually noted by the game to be adults that got lost in the Lost Woods and cursed to wander the woods forever as skeletons instead of children, who become Skull Kids instead. Pretty spooky!


So in the 2D Zelda games we've got the Wallmasters, one of the most iconic enemies. Giant disembodied hands that crawl up the walls, grab Link and tosses him back to the start of the dungeon. And now we get their return! While the Japanese version of OOT calls these "Fallmasters", the localization team evidently realizes how iconic the Wallmasters from the 2D games are. And honestly, the first encounter you have with a Wallmaster in this game is pretty damn awesomely set up. An ambiguous warning when you enter your room, then a scare chord followed with an increasingly large shadow before a giant, disembodied demonic hand swoops down and grabs Link... sure, the actual effect -- sending Link to the start of the dungeon -- is more annoying than harmful, but goddamn, the Wallmasters certainly have style and succeed in being pretty damn creepy. While you can certainly dodge them, one of the coolest things you can do is to roll out of the way, and before the Wallmasters return to the ceiling, you rush in and unleash a barrage of sword blows and murder the giant hand. One of the most iconic enemies in Zelda for a reason, and I definitely believe that Ocarina of Time's depiction is one of the ones that made the Wallmasters so damn memorable.

The green Floormasters are a lot more mundane, just... just regular enemies that scuttle around the Shadow Temple and basically just jump around while being invinsible, and then split into three smaller Floormasters upon death. I guess they didn't want to waste the model? Kinda wished they put more effort instead of just painting it solid neon green, though.


As I said before, we needed themed enemies to make each themed dungeon feel unique, but as an old game, you can't waste too many enemies on a specific dungeon since that only makes up a portion of the full game. So... yeah, the Torch Slug is a pretty basic "take an animal, add fire to it" monster in the same vein as a Fire Keese... but the fact that the actual slug body has magma textures does help to make it a bit more... well-integrated, I want to say? It's basically Slugma, too. Is there like a Japanese legend about magma slugs I'm not aware about? Interestingly, the way you beat them is either 'extinguishing' their flames with the hookshots or flipping them over by using the hammer, neither of which is really thematic to a magma slug. I wonder if these were originally conceptualized as 3D Helmasaurs?


Oh, these fuckers. The Like Like return and they're still bizarrely ambiguous. Giant cylindrical maybe-plant, maybe-fleshy blobs, the Like Likes are... Y'know, I'm still not sure what they are. They're vaguely phallic and very disgusting, but most of all, they are irritating as they try to eat Link up, squish him aroud a bit, and then eat the shield and tunic he's wearing. Link has to kill the Like Like quickly, otherwise the items are permanently destroyed.

Honestly, fuck these guys. They're gross.


The Door Mimic... is a neat little D&D homage. Sure, it doesn't sprout teeth or anything, but they just basically slam down on Link if he tries to open them. Of course, if you actually stop and look, you realize that the Door Mimic's doors jut outwards pretty conspicuously, and it's just that they show up so rarely and sparsely that you're pretty damn likely to be surprised. I like that this thing exists in this game, actually.


Freezard is the only ice-specific enemy with its own model, because the Ice Keese and White Wolfos are kind of repaints... and mostly that's because the Ice Temple was cut out from being a full-on dungeon into a shorter mini-dungeon. Nintendo did compensate and give us a huge icy area in Majora's Mask, though. Regardless, I do like the Freezards, as weirdly ambiguous as they are. Twilight Princess would reimagine them as far cooler looking things, but I do kind of like just how vague these original Freezards are. Are they totems? Weird angry moa statue like things with head spikes? Interestingly, they're susceptible to being smashed with a hammer, and actually not to fire. Interesting, if not showcased a lot.

OoT Gibdo Model.png
The Gibdo continues the tradition of more powerful variants of ReDeads being just mummy versions. Not much to say here, they're more powerful than Gibdos and show up in the Adult levels -- namely, the Well and the Shadow Temple, the spooky themed dungeons. The Gibdo's pretty neat, but by the point you encouter them the novelty of how spooky the ReDead is has kind of worn off.


The Water Temple, as overblownly notorious as it is, doesn't really have a lot of unique enemies. Instead, your biggest enemy is the water level puzzle. There is the Spike, though, which are metallic spiky balls that default as little metallic balls in the ocean, but enter a spiky form and roll after Link if he swims close enough. Kinda bland in my opinion.


The Shell Blade, on the other hand, is pretty hilarious! It's a freaking clam, and it's invulnerable to all weapons, and they will propel themselves spiky-butt-end first towards Link while spitting out water from its mouth... like a real clam! Of course, as you can probably guess, that tongue-like organ that's going to be facing away from you is the weak point. You kill the Shell Blade by ripping out the organ with a hookshot. For a clam enemy, this one's actually pretty cool.


The Gerudo Thief is the miniboss of the Gerudo Fortress. Generally, Legend of Zelda shies away from having humans (or humanoid) enemies being killed, especially early on, with most of the enemies being monsters. And while Link has to sneak into the fortress of the nomadic desert thief clan of the Gerudo, most of their guards act more like obstacles then enemies -- you don't fight them, you just sneak around them. The only exception are the Gerudo Thieves, which whirl around with their twin scimitars and fight Link as minibosses. Link has to fight four of them to rescue four hostages, and are actually pretty fun to fight against. Because Nintendo doesn't want Link to murder humans (yet), the Gerudo Thieves just explicitly surrender, drop a key, and ninja bomb away.


The Dinalfos (a.k.a. Dynalfos in some translations) is a reskinned, more powreful Lizalfos, and I do like just how different changing a gecko-face to an angry, ambiguous crocodile/dinosaur face ends up making this creature look so much badass. The Dinalfos also seems to have swapped out a sword for a lance, though it's hard to tell with the pixels here. It's a shame that they don't actually show up a lot, only showing up in the completely optional Gerudo's Training Ground, as well as the final dungeon.


The final huge area is the Gerudo Desert, which... actually mostly just features skeleton enemies and Armoses. But we do have good old Leever from the Zelda games as a common enemy in the desert overworld, spinning and bursting out of the ground. I'm not sure what the Leevers are, still, sort of looking like spinning, carnivorous desert cacti with a weirdly animal-like maw and eyeball on its top. Honestly, I really do love the imagery of these things lying in wait under the sand, and then bursting out and spinning around like little tops. Most adorably, they're just unable to touch Link if he hops up a rock or anything that's not sand, just angrily spinning around the nearby sand before sinking back into the ground.


The final non-boss enemy we're talking about here is the Anubis... which is just a floating Anubis effigy. Found in the Spirit Temple, they're honestly kind of underwhelming. They just shoot fire, and die to fire arrows. Honestly, as the last unique enemy before we get to the bosses, the Anubis is pretty lackluster.

Keep a lookout for a follow-up where I dissect the minibosses and the bosses in this game!

Thursday, 5 September 2019

Marvel's Runaways S02E12 Review: Church Rescue Mission

Marvel's Runaways, Season 2, Episode 12: Earth Angel


File:Dean k fly.pngSo the whole Church of Gibborim storyline finally draws into a bit of a close and... I can't say that I really care at all? Honestly, the acting for everyone involved is pretty damn fantastic, but just like the whole Alex-gets-over-his-head-with-police-games storyline, I find it really hard to care for this bit, and even moreso because the Church of Gibborim stuff had a whole ton of clunky buildup, and I don't care as much about Leslie Dean as I do Alex Wilder. 

And, again, just so damn much about the Church of Gibborim ends up feeling kinda m'eh for me. A lot of power to you if you do enjoy that storyline, but I'm just so unenthused with the secret backstory behind this religious cult, or that Frank Dean's basically gone into full lunatic mode, or that Susan and the rest of the Gibborim cult still believes in the essence of the message even though their whole religion is essentially made up by a dickish alien. And... and I dunno, I kind of get it, intellectually, that people won't be willing to give up their entire way of life and their beliefs just because someone claims it to be so, but still... the way that this is done is honestly just so dang underwhelming. Even moreso than any of their conflicts against PRIDE, Jonah, Topher or even AWOL's strike-force, I really didn't feel any threat from the Cult of Gibborim. Sure, Karolina ends up being tossed into a shed by Frank briefly, but that's honestly is more of a writing device to hammer home that Frank's irredeemable at this point more than an actual obstacle. 

File:R212 Nico and Molly intervene.pngLike, Karolina literally just finds out about Leslie from a random prophetic dream, which I felt was pretty damn random. And I'm not sure if we ever even established that Karolina can't use her alien rainbow-beam powers without technology nearby, and Susan randomly having a change of heart off-screen despite being pretty damn indoctrinated was definitely an asspull. Eventually, they manage to sneak out with Susan's help, and Karolina shows off her light powers and is hailed as the new messiah by these gullible, foolish religious cultists, the increasingly insane Frank Dean's thrown into reconditioning in a very karmic fate... and the Runaways plus Leslie end up leaving the compound. Okay, sure. I really don't find any of these to be particularly exciting. It's well-acted enough, for sure. Particular kudos to the Dean family's actors for really carrying the scenes (even if Frank's reduced to a moronic loon, a far cry from the how his character seemed like it was going to shape up to be) but ultimately... eh.

Ultimately, we do get the acknowledgement that Karolina's using her powers to prey on the beliefs of gullible people, but we really don't get a sense of that considering how cartoonish the Church of Gibborim's believers have been shown to be. Frank's insane, Vaughn's a well-meaning loon and Susan's such a non-entity that I really don't care about how they are and how they perceive Karolina. 

Meanwhile, Alex, Xavin and PRIDE are sort of sidelined for the entire episode other than a couple of scenes in the beginning and the end. Xavin, at least, ends up being the cliffhanger as she reveals herself fully to Karolina at the end of the episode and declaring herself as Karolina's betrothed. The only other interesting this is Chase, who spends the entire episode sort of stuck in a B-plot of trying to dig up anything about his parents and finding nothing... but Victor ends up offering Chase a seat at the table and, supposedly, ownership of PRIDE as his legacy. Which... honestly, the build-up to both Xavin and PRIDE, and the whole alien-possessing-random-PRIDE-members bit, is just so much more interesting and built up a fair bit better than the Church of Gibborim storyline. At least it's over, right? Next up is the final episode, which I feel will end in a cliffhanger, considering how much things seem to be built up in this one.   

Random Notes:
File:Xavin cloaked 2.png
  • Alex spends the entire episode moping about how "it's no longer a democracy" and generally acts all surly that they're doing things he doesn't want to do. They're sort of setting up a huge Alex-falls-out-with-the-Runaways storyline really fierce, huh?
  • Alex also gets a very brief bit of talking to Tamar and getting the gun from Darius's car, but is told to basically stay the fuck away from Livvie. 
  • Nico gets some nice bits this moment for what little she's allowed to angst about how scared that she can't control her powers, all Hulk/Bruce Banner style, but she doesn't end up having to use them at all in this episode. 
  • Gert, who's still very blase about leaving Old Lace behind, has restored her psychic connection with Old Lace. And while the scene of Old Lace tasting Dale's cooking is fun, it makes me wonder what narrative purpose severing the psychic connection for all of a single episode is meant to accomplish. 
  • The rest of PRIDE, meanwhile, are finally testing out their weapons on a bunch of poor employees, showing off the brain-scramblers and the mind-wipe device in a pretty dark yet comedic sequence. 
  • Vaughn is kind of a non-entity, but I did enjoy just how much he's so convinced that "Vaughn the Brawn" is going to help out in them helping Karolina to break Leslie out. 
  • I'm 90% sure Xavin peeking through holes cut into the eyes of a portrait is a reference to something that happens in the comic-book Runaways run, but I wasn't sure who did this. I kinda want to say Alex? 

Wednesday, 4 September 2019

Young Justice: Outsiders S03E17 Review: #Trending

Young Justice: Outsiders, Season 3, Episode 17: First Imprsesion



So this episode is the big "Beast Boy goes public with a team" payoff and culmination to both the major themes of the past couple of episodes, with Beast Boy finally taking a more solid stance at being a public hero, and... and the "Outsiders" team finally being formed. Which, when this season started, I definitely wasn't expecting the Outsiders to basically be basically Young Justice Jr! Which... again, I'm not faulting the show for. It's gone so far in integrating its Teen Titans/Young Justice characters and taking them to different directions. Their development this way makes sense, which is all I'm asking for.

And it's interesting how this episode ended up being set off, with the little faux setup of a random Reach warship coming to life. And with the Reach being the main villain of the second season and this one setting up to include more and more space politics with Darkseid's forces being more involved, it's not out of the realm of possibility for the Reach to actually return.

But, of course, it's not the focus of the episode. Again, the episode's focus is Beast Boy wanting to make a public 'face' of the team, and he wants to basically want to make a splinter faction that is associated, but doesn't really answer to the Justice League -- allowing them to help people in ways that the League's hands are tied up due to political fumbling.... basically, Beast Boy points out that the League and Lex Luthor's publicity war isn't something that the League's going to win any time soon, but with the media basically taking Beast Boy as a new, popular face of superheroism (thanks to that one Not-Twitter picture upload), he's basically intent on starting a new social media revolution. Which... to the show writer's credit, does actually sound like what a modern-day young superhero would think up of, especially a high-profile one like Beast Boy who's known all over as "Tork" as much as he is as a superhero. And so... we have our Outsiders, with Blue Beetle (who was pretty public in season two when he's controlled by the Reach anyway), Static, Kid Flash, Geo-Force and Wonder Girl being the heroes that have no secret identities left to lose.

File:The Hub.png
Also, we get the obligatory show-off of a new locale, with Beast Boy showing off "The Hub", what's essentially the Titans Tower from the comics, but inside a high-rise building instead of a big-ass letter. It's a pretty fun, high-energy scene as we're introduced to the fancy base, and we even get a couple of fun double entrende jokes snuck in!

And, of course... the 'starter villain' for the Outsiders end up being the Reach warships attacking Brooklyn, Maine, at which point we meet what's one of the more surprising guest stars of this season, which is a gender-flipped adaptation of the Newsboy Legion -- a series of characters that I genuinely didn't think would ever appear in animated form. They don't really do much, basically just a bunch of bystanders that fall into the whole "youths inspired by superheroes" movement and just kind of give a voice to the younger citizens that don't necessarily agree with the views of their elders. And... and it's a bit on the nose for sure (particularly the later scene with the unreasonable mayor arguing with his daughter about arresting the superheroes), but the situations that Young Justice presents us are far-removed enough from any hotbed political issues that it doesn't feel preachy. It's a neat little theme of the younger generation perceiving news in a different way compared to the older one, and the concept of a group of superheroes inspiring a younger generation is definitely one that's pretty well-done, even if "Gabby" really could've stood to be a bit less... narrator-y, y'know?

File:Wonder Girl.pngThe action scenes are pretty cool, and we get to see a lot of some characters that don't get a lot of time to shine -- particularly Cassie and Bart. I really do kinda wish that the members actually got to show off a bit more of their personality than being "kinda heroic", since other than Gar and Bart, everyone else on the team was all business. I guess they were being professional and friendly throughout the entire mission, but still. We get a fun montage of other characters witnessing the Outsiders fight the Reach be live-streamed by the Newsgirl Legion, and it's a neat sense of basically showing off this world that the showrunners have built... although that random scene with Jay Garrick next to a sick Joan on a hospital was random and such a punch in the feels.

And, well, turns out that the Reach ship aren't really the Reach, but are members of Intergang led by good ol' Whisper A'Daire trying to do a weapons demonstration... but in their little scuffle, they accidentally call on a mothership from where it's parked in the depths of the ocean, giving a convenient, bigger threat for the Outsiders to defeat just to basically show up the asshole mayor. Again, it's a wee bit convenient, and the scene of Beast Boy being oh-so-cooperative is played out a bit, but eh. It's all right. The action scenes against the larger warship is fun, and we even get a wacky bit of 90's cartoon as the mayor complains all about the damage to the lake while the sheriff and the citizens are basically on the side of our heroes.

File:Flitter-International.pngThus with the power of media, livestreams and hashtags, Beast Boy ends up declaring the team as the Outsiders... and it's certainly an interesting outing for them. This episode definitely ran a bit long, and played off kind of like a more generic pilot episode for a superhero team. And I think it's a bit intentional? The dialogue felt a bit too forced at times, but, again, I kind of feel that it's intentional. It's important, after all, to really sell the concept of this new team for a new generation, and to show them at least be accepted by some of their target audience before presumably the likes of Granny Goodness and Lex Luthor come to smear campaign poor Garfield's efforts down.

More interestingly is that Terra's still playing the long con, hanging out with Artemis and baby Lian and cheering all along, before reporting that the Outsiders are part of the Team/League to presumably Deathstroke. We also get the first meeting of the superhero team leaders for a long, long while... and I'm not sure that random backstory about how Intergang got the little War-bugs from the submerged Reach ship was all that enlightening or necessary (we did get a L'gann cameo), other than the slight revelation that Kaldur'ahm basically 'threw' the fight so the Outsiders could look good. But then they stop short of actually including Beast Boy in their little cabal, and even Miss Martian doesn't think Garfield is ready for this, and... and it's interesting. Overall, I'm not as impressed about this episode as the previous ones, but it's definitely necessary development and we did need this screentime for the Outsiders to really be sold as a concept both in-universe and to the audience. 

Roll Call:
  • Heroes: Beast Boy, Superboy, Miss Martian, Aquaman II, Tigress, Kid Flash II, Blue Beetle, Static, Wonder Girl, Geo-Force, Halo, Traci Thirteen, Forager, Cyborg, Bio-Ship, Flash (Jay Garrick), El Dorado, Batman, Robin, Nightwing, Oracle, Wonder Woman, Lagoon Boy, Wyynde
  • Villains: Lex Luthor, Whisper A'Daire, Scorpia A'Daire, Cairo Defrey, Bruno Mannheim (flashback)
  • Civilians/Others: Terra, Dr. Helga Jace, Gaby Gabrielli, Patrick Maguire, Antonia Rodriguez, Tommi Thompkins, Joan Garrick, Livewire, Windfall, Mist
DC Easter Eggs Corner:
  • The "Newsgirl Legion" is a gender-flipped version of the Newsboy Legion from the comics, a group of young kids that supported the original Golden Age Guardian. In modern-day stories, they were cloned by Project Cadmus and ended up being recurring characters in Superman stories. Four of the characters here were based on the original four 'core' members of the Newsboy Legion, with the change of genders and the locale being changed from small-town Brooklyn, Maine, from Brooklyn, New York. In addition, the designs of the characters, as well as some dialogue, are homages to Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated.
    • Tommi Thompkins is based on Thomas "Tommy" Thompkins, the leader of the Newsboy Legion. Her father here is called Thomas, although the comic-book Thomas is clearly a lot more appreciative of heroes. 
    • Gaby Gabrielli is based on Johnny "Gabby" Gabrielli, the member of the group that never stopped talking.
    • "Big Words" Antonia Rodriguez is based on Anthony "Big Words" Rodriguez, the smart one of the group that used extremely ponderous sesquipedalian loquaciousness for the express purpose of pontification.
    • Sheriff Patrick Maguire is based on Patrick "Scrapper" Maguire, the tough guy of the team.
  • Two new Intergang members show up, in addition to Whisper A'Daire and Bruno Mannheim (albeit the latter only in flashbacks):
    • In the comics, Cairo DeFrey is a high-ranking member of the terrorist organization Scorpio, which menaced minor DC hero teams the Challengers of the Unknown, as well as Peter "Thunderbolt" Cannon. Neither the Scorpio organization nor DeFrey had any affiliation with Intergang in the comics. 
    • Scorpia A'Daire is a character based on a minor member of Scorpio. She's related to Whisper A'Daire in this incarnation, apparently. She battled the superheroes Green Lantern and Skyrocket. 
  • Wyynde shows up in the background of the Atlantean scenes, and in the comics, he's a supporting character of the Atlantean sorcerer Arion, hailing from the Khe-Wannatu people whose culture resembled modern-day Native Americans. Wyynde showed up in Young Justice tie-in comics as a minor character all the way back in 2012.
  • The Outsiders in the comics was a superhero team formed when Batman quit the Justice League and its more prohibiting international laws in order to form a group of his own able to tackle international threats while still basically being vigilantes. Among its original members are Metamorpho, Katana, Black Lightning, Geo-Force, Looker and Halo.
  • The alarm system in the Hub is nicknamed "Troub-Alert" by Beast Boy, a reference to the alarm system of the same name from the Super Friends cartoon. 

Tuesday, 3 September 2019

Kamen Rider Zero-One E01 Review: A Jump To The Sky Turns Into A Rider Kick

Kamen Rider 01, Episode 01: I am the President and a Kamen Rider 


So with a new age in the Japanese monarchy, the Reiwa era, the long-running Kamen Rider series have sort of done a bit of a stylistic retooling with their newest show, Kamen Rider Zero-One. And for a series that has spent the last two decades getting reboots annually, it honestly is a bit hard to treat this to be as monumentous an occasion as the original Kamen Rider series or as the one that brought the franchise back from obscurity, Kamen Rider Kuuga. Still, it is a new series, and one that I'll reviewing either weekly or bi-weekly, depending on how I feel about the individual episodes.

As a side-note, while fans outside of Japan have had to contend on watching most Kamen Rider stuff by less-than-legal means, Kamen Rider Zero-One is actually uploading their episodes on their official Youtube channel. Sans subtitles, for sure, but it's neat that we might actually slowly going into a new era where even international fans can enjoy Kamen Rider through legal means.

And Zero One's first episode is... it's okay? The production values are great, and as a pilot episode, it did a pretty great job at selling how cool the main hero (and the toys, buy the toys) is, and to set up what's basically the main premise of the show. And with some 30+ shows to be compared to, it's easy to bring up numerous other shows and to draw comparisons from them. And, well, at least for now, we're leaning deep into a more sci-fi themed show. In the world of Zero One, the world's full with very humanoid robots called the Humagear, and a particular corporation, Hiden Intelligence, is the massive overlord that produces the Humagear. We learn most of this by way of a quick information dump that make up the first shots of the episode, before cutting away to reveal that the old president of Hiden Intelligence, Korenosuke, has recently passed away.

And then we jump-cut to his grandson, Aruto, our protagonist, and... and he's introduced as kind of a screamy, over-excited young man, in the same vein of some of our more recent protagonists (Sougo, Emu and Takeru come to mind). And... I dunno, I know a huge portion of the fanbase are out for blood for anyone that isn't super-duper serious and competent, and Arata is... well, he's basically a failed comedian. Apparently his whole shtick is that he makes particularly bad puns. My Japanese isn't good enough to see if his puns are actually dad-joke-level of badness, but the response he gets leads to him basically being fired, and most of his whole "please I just want to be a stand-up pun comedian" phase is played up for laughs.

And as much as this isn't the most interesting thing in the world, at least we're getting a solid showcase of what Aruto is all about, which... it's neat? He's quickly whisked up by robo-secretary Izu and basically handed the will of his grandfather, who predicts that a Humagear robo-apocalypse is incoming, and has left behind the company to the very inexperienced Aruto. And that's the whole gist of Zero One's 'civilian' plot, that he's a young man who is forced into the position of a CEO of a huge company. Aruto rejects this immediately, which I thought is neatly realistic considering what we learn of the dude, but of course this isn't going to stand.

Soreo D1Other than the brief bits of scene in the boardroom where we're briefly introduced to the typical obstructive-bureaucrat-asshole-egomaniac Fukuzoe Jun, we mostly just follow Aruto as he just wanders around, and we learn why he's so obsessed with making people laugh. His dad -- or at least a Humagear modeled after his dad -- was killed in the midst of young Aruto trying to make the robot laugh, and that apparently left such a huge impression on Aruto that he has made it his huge thing. And I guess like Fourze wanting to befriend everyone or Wizard wanting to protect people's hope, this is going to be Zero-One's "thing". Protecting smiles.

Which is something he ends up being forced to do, because a group of terrorist dressed in wacky post-apocalyptic purple cloaks and hoodies and living out of some bizarre city with robot corpses straight out of Fallout. These terrorists are called MetsubouJinrai.net, but other than vague proclamations of evilness, Jin and Horobi don't really do a whole ton but skulk around in the background, turning the Humagear into evil Magear (or Magia, depending on your preferred localization). And the one subjected to this is poor, poor Abdominal Collapser Taro. Abs-Collapser was sort of introduced as a one-off gag, where his simple "my abs are exploding!" gag ends up bringing in a full crowd in contrast to Aruto's, and despite being a musclebound robot, we are treated to scenes of Taro just smiling to himself and being happy that his whole purpose is to bring people joy. (And, y'know, to be a bit of a fanservice parental bonus to the moms watching at home, probably) So the scene where Jin ends up corrupting him with a belt and transforms him into a red-eyed monster that rampages, transforms into a mantis monster, and even infects other Humagears and turning them into creepy battle-ready Magias... We don't see any on-screen deaths, but the dialogue that the crazed Taro yells about makes it clear that he wants to murder every human.

And Aruto charges in to attack the monsters at the sight of the amusement park crumbling and people being put in danger. Izu shows up with the Zero-One Driver and basically goes "hey, do you want to protect these smiles? Transform!" while also cheekily noting that only the president of Hiden Intelligence can use the driver. We're treated to an interesting bit where apparently Aruto's drawn into some sort of cyber-space so that he can go through a 'tutorial mode', before finally properly doing his badass Henshin sequence. Which involves a giant CGI robot grasshopper buddy jumping around and spraying debris everywhere before transforming into the yellow armour pieces that wrap around Zero-One's body.

And as far as Zero-One's debut fight goes... it's decent? It's nothing super-duper unique, and there is certainly a couple of awesome shots. Zero One raising his hands up in a kung fu state while the bad guy's energy blasts create explosions behind him, as well as the rider kick are both pretty nice shots. Sure, the scene where Zero One jumps around the cars and through the bus has some wonky CGI, but that's part the course for Kamen Rider at this point. He gives this impassioned speech about protecting smiles and laughter and whatnot, and destroys the monster.

And he gets bonked in the head when Izu throws the briefcase weapon at him. That's adorable. Also adorable is when he mis-judges his landing, because while the rider kick (or well, "Rising Impact") is pretty damn cool, he ends up tripping while landing and crashing onto a building.

ImageWhile all of this is going on, the side-cast do things. Izu's mostly observing and supporting and being adorable, while Jin (who reminds people of Parad from Ex-Aid for good reason) is... he's just jumping around like a maniac, before leading to one of the most tweeted-about shots in the scene where he just casually grabs one of the rampaging Magia and shoots it point-blank in the head while giggling. We get to see A.I.M.S., which the production doesn't make secret are going to be the secondary riders of the show. We really don't see much of them, though, just a bit of Isamu being a dick to Yua, and a brief showcase of the Vulcan transformation gun device, but ultimately they're just introducing them and giving the bare basics of their personality. Not a biggest fan that Yua is kind of just portrayed as being slightly incompetent and doesn't really do much compared to the competent-but-kind-of-a-dick Isamu.

Ultimately, the episode ends with basically hammering down the main concept of the series. Aruto's now tied to the presidential CEO position, and is going to face both literal monsters and company politics. MetsuboJinrai.net is all mysterious with some shots of destroyed robot parts and ruined cities and whatnot and we're still not clear what their plan is, as most Rider villains are in the first episode. And... well, a good chunk of this episode is mostly just to show off the world and its unique history, as well as the main personality and goals of Aruto. Colour me interested for the first part, but I'm not sure if I'm buying all that much into Aruto as a character. The motivations of protecting smiles and being able to give smiles if he's a superhero is neat if a bit cheesy (though Rider is always kinda cheesy), but there were definitely moments of super-comedic exaggeration in Aruto's acting that I'm not sure. It's something that really feels like it could grate over time. The action scenes are very crisp, though, and I do like that we're going back into mixing some slightly-darker themes (Jin executing the dude, but also the fact that Abs-Collapser is forcibly mind-raped and turned into something he doesn't want to, and had to be put down by the hero). I'm looking forward to see some of these themes explored in the future for sure!

Overall, a pretty neat pilot episode. We'll see how the rest of the series fares!

Random Notes:

  • "JUMP! Authorize. Prog! RISE! Jump up and rise! RISING HOPPER! A jump to the sky turns into a rider kick." The Reiwa era is continuing with the large amount of words spoken prior to a transformation, although I'm pretty sure we're going to cut down on this. I do really love that text-to-speech reading of that final, grammatically-questionable sentence. The robotic tone reading that sentence right after the previous energetic yelling is just so funny. 
  • MetsubouJinrai.net translates into "ThunderclapOfDestruction.net", which is probably intended to sound hilariously edgy. 
  • The Gimmick Watch:
  • KR01-Berotha Magia
    • Hiden Risephone: We have a lot of gimmicks here, and I'll do my best to at least cover them when we get to them. We get to see the Risephone multiple times, and it's meant to be a smartphone, but like the Build Phone, it's way too hilariously bulky and obviously a chunky, brickish toy instead of an actual smartphone. 
    • Zero One Driver: It's the driver. Is has a text-to-speech robot voice. The belt's neat and sleek, especially after the chunky ones we've been getting since... oh, Fourze or something.
    • Progrise Key: It's the transformation gimmicks, and... I think it's meant to look like weird SD cards? I'm not sure. They can flick in and out, and so far, we've only seen Zero-One's Rising Hopper, and the Berotha Magia's.
    • Zero-One's weapon of choice is the Attache Calibur, which yells out "BLADE RISE". It also whacks Aruto right in his fool grasshopper face. It's a suitcase that transforms into a big-ass scalpel.
  • Rising Hopper's finisher and rider kick is "Rising Impact". It comes with a very anime-esque set of katakanas that pop up on-screen. 
  • The mantis monster is the "Berotha Magia". Like Kabuto, all the monsters draw names from the Latin names of creatures, it seems! Berotha drwas its name from the Berothidae, a family of lacewings, and is apparently specifically named for the extinct insect Kujiberotha teruyukii.
    • The Magia's belts seem to look like heavily-modified Ryuki belts, as far as I can tell.
  • That stage that Aruto and muscle-robotman performs in is actually a stage used in real life for Kamen Rider stage shows, which is a neat little trivia. 
  • I did sort of shrug the CGI off, but that Ultron-esque robot swarm vision with the evil robots all crawling around like spiders is pretty damn cool. 
  • How much of the robots-going-rogue stuff did they realize was going to be incorporated into Zero-One when they had the Kikai arc in Zi-O? Especially since both Kikai and Zero One uses a satellite in their transformations...
  • In addition to the shot of Jin's maniacal execution, another thing that was made memetic was that Aruto was wearing a shirt that reads "The other day I bought a kelp at a convenience store, mistaking it for corned beef." in english. 

Marvel's Runaways S02E11 Review: Quinceañera

Marvel's Runaways, Season 2, Episode 11: Last Waltz


A bit of an all right episode, even if it still does feel like we're just building up so many plot threads that don't feel like they're going to be wrapped up in two episodes. It sort of feels like the episodes leading up to the climax of Runaways' first season's finale, which ended with a cliffhanger, and I sort of have a feeling that this second season is going to end similarly. If nothing else, though, at least season two did deliver a pretty satisfying ending to the PRIDE/Jonah storyline in the middle portion of the season. I just kinda wished that, even moreso, the whole Alex/AWOL storyline wasn't so underwhelming and an obvious stopgap between two far more interesting storylines.

"Last Waltz" is an episode that takes some of the more under-developed characters -- a vast majority of the season's earlier episodes are driven by Alex, Karolina and to some extent Nico and Molly, with the other two sort of just being there. Like, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who are super-happy with the Chase/Gert drama stuff, but I honestly didn't find it super interesting. This episode puts them in the limelight, and it's... all right? It's so much more interesting when the two of them have something more interesting to drive a wedge between them, and the wedge in this case is Gert's parents (one of whom is possessed by an alien, lest we forget), and their attempt to basically get all the children back home by try to interrogate Chase with a truth serum, the results of which are far more comedic than tense. 

And this episode's whole climax ends up being the Runaways trying to free Chase and Gert from the Yorkes' house... which is surprisingly tame. Sure, Tina Minoru (or the alien possessing Tina) is there, but she just sort of spends her entire scene sort of reclining on a table and giving cryptic warnings to everyone, and when the rest of the Runaways show up, the Yorkeses are just powerless to stop them from absconding with Chase and Gert... but then they "are forced" to leave Old Lace behind because... uh... Dale gets a tranq dart shot out while the kids somehow forget that they have a pet Deinonychus? I dunno. Like, considering just how much Gert and Old Lace's bond has been emphasized throughout the entire series, I find it very hard to believe that Gert wouldn't put up more of a fight for them to literally make a slight detour for the metahumans among them to pick up Old Lace, or that she'll just willingly mark Old Lace off as a bit of a lost cause and be fine with having Old Lace be held by her parents. I dunno. It feels forced, like a lot of the story decisions here. Wouldn't it be a lot more reasonable and the plot to flow better if Old Lace didn't even break out of its cage? Eh. 

And then, of course, the final cliffhanger is Victor Stein (or the alien within Victor, it's not clear) calling Chase and convincing him to come back home under the possibly-true excuse that Victor's dying, causing a fall-out between Chase and the rest of the Runaways right after that nice, pretty quinceanera scene because these kids aren't allowed to have anything nice. Victor's pretty interesting, because out of the three possessed parents, he's the only one who seems to even be suspecting anything and is alternating between his real personality and his alien one, so I'm not sure which one of them is the one who managed to get Chase home. Either way, though, just like the Runaways leaving Old Lace behind, the fact that Chase didn't even mention that his father is dying (or he thinks his father is dying) is something that definitely felt like it was forcibly written in and made this sequence feel somewhat inorganic. 

File:R211 Reconditioning on Leslie.pngMeanwhile, the B-plots in this episode are basically the Runaways throwing a birthday party for Molly, which ends up feeling particularly hollow -- the montage of them buying shit is sort of just there, and the dance felt actually perfunctory than actually a huge emotional moment... and that's not taking into account the fact that the whole Chase leaving the group bit ends up basically throwing a massive sour note on the whole birthday thing, something that Molly herself even lampshades. 

Meanwhile Frank Dean continues to be a shit and forces Leslie to go through this whole reconditioning nonsense which just looks so uncomfortable... but also so detached from everything that's going on. I'm pretty sure that this is going to lead to some Karolina-centric storyline sometime down the arc, but I am just so un-invested in the whole Church of Gibborim storyline that I can't even say that it's entertaining the way the Yorkeses are. Apparently, Leslie's mother, Susan, or S4E2R, is also held prisoner there, but she's far more reconditioned than Leslie? This genuinely was dropped on us almost out of nowhere, and I can't really emphasize just how much I don't really care about this storyline at all. Also Leslie is pregnant and very visibly showing. Okay? I'm genuinely not a huge fan of any of this, it just feels so goddamn detached from everything that's going on, and everything moves at such a breakneck pace that I honestly kinda wished that they integrated the Church of Gibborim stuff better with the previous episodes of this season, y'know? 

Far more interestingly, Karolina is contacted by a strange, seemingly shape-shifting alien, who may or may not be a Skrull (oh, these Marvel properties and the messy, messy "I have rights to these characters" nonsense). Which... yeah, hopefully we're going to get a bit more of Karolina's storyline, which I do welcome. 

Ultimately, though... I really ended up feeling that the whole Chase/Gert within the Yorkes' basement stuff ended up feeling very underwhelming and honestly, a little bit of a waste of time. Like, I appreciate the chance to let these actors sort of do a bunch of fun acting -- the Yorkeses are all fantastic and get great lines, and truth-serum'd Chase talking about his sex life is pretty fun, but ultimately the episode feels a lot more like it's just a bunch of filler between the Alex-centric AWOL storyline and whatever final plot we're going to have to close out this season... which seems to going to be a "get Chase back from PRIDE" deal going on. 

Random Notes:
    File:R211-78965478.png
  • There's a scene with Nico burying her staff in the wall, which is her response to her freaking out at the climax of the AWOL storyline. I'm pretty sure she's going to have to break it out before the season's over, though. 
  • Xavin is a Skrull in the comics, which is where the shape-shifting stuff draws from. Considering that he's implied to be part of Jonah's crew in this show, I'm not sure if he's also a Skrull here. Is he the same race as Jonah and his cronies, which seem to possess people? I'm not sure!
  • That scene as Chase collapses from the drugged orange juice is hilarious as shit, especially Dale's faux-innocent shit-eating grin. Also hilarious is Tina-possessed-by-an-alien just acting like such an ass, and everyone just sort of shrugs it off as "such a Tina Minoru thing to do".
  • Then again, since Stacey and Tina are both basically 100% confirmed to be aliens, I'm not sure why Stacey was so antagonistic towards Tina. I guess it's non-possessed Stacey? But honestly, the rules of the Gibborim's possession of people are kind of ambiguous, so I'm not sure. 
  • I also completely forgot that the Minorus run the Wizard security system or whatever. 
  • In the cult-y reconditioning place, there's a statue of the comic-book version of the Gibborim. There's your Marvel comics easter egg of the day!
  • As forced as a lot of the storyline/plot stuff in this episode is, I do applaud and concede that Chase deciding to take the deal to go back to his parents is the most organic out of everyone in the group. Alex, meanwhile, is basically in "rawr we must kill PRIDE rawr" mode throughout this entire episode. 
  • What the fuck is the point of the Church of Gibborim basically taking away everyone's names... but gives them codes that start with the same letter as their original names? Susan has a codename that starts with S, and Leslie's codename would've started with L. Silly cult fanatics!

Monday, 2 September 2019

One Piece Chapter 952-954 Review: Of Swords and Alliances

One Piece, Chapter 952: Hiyori & Kawamatsu; Chapter 953: Once Upon A Fox; Chapter 954: Like Giving Wings to a Dragon


An interesting trio of chapters. 952 and 953 sort of form their self-contained arc regarding the whole Gyukimaru/Kawamatsu storyline, which was... the chapters themselves were great, even if it does kinda feel somewhat detached from everything else that's going on. It does help to, again, contextualize Kawamatsu as a person. It's kind of... not the most ideal way of storytelling, honestly, but it sure is something.

Basically, these chapters put to rest any of the doubts that Hiyori and Komurasaki are not the same person. I honestly was half-believing that it's not the case, that it's a misdirection and we might get another plot twist that someone else is Hiyori, but with the flashbacks showcasing Kawamatsu basically becoming Hiyori's guardian, it's pretty much confirmed.

We do get a brief bit of Queen being hilarious in chapter 952, pretending to put up a brave front while also obviously making up excuses to get the fuck out of where Kaidou and Big Mom are rampaging in the background. The fight is mostly off-screen, of course, with us just seeing Queen's POV, but as the revelation in 954 shows, it's for good reason. Basically, Tama's dango ends up allowing Team Luffy to take control of Babanuki and have him deliver a fake report to tell Queen that everything is all right in Udon, while Luffy and his allies are basically doing some recapping. And it's... it's admittedly not the best pacing, with our heroes just solving a lot of the problems somewhat anticlimactically. Ashura Douji turns out to be the man in possession of the blueprints Franky was looking for early in the arc. Franky is fixing the fleet. Luffy has provided them with manpower. While I do appreciate that we're not bloating up the arc with what amounts to side-quests, it does feel like a lot of these conflicts are basically introduced, ignored, then sort of resolved with a handwave.

952 introduces the fact that these samurai and ex-samurai in Udon prison can only fight with swords, so they totally need a huge influx of swords... and thank goodness that Zoro is fighting against Gyukimaru, the sword-stealing dude with Daruma face-paint... and also Kawamatsu shows up! Gyukimaru books the hell out of the bridge at the sight of Kawamatsu, but also while crying. Meanwhile, Kawamatsu and Hiyori have a tearful reunion, and apparently Hiyori left Kawamatsu so he wouldn't suffer.

953 basically contextualizes the entire backstory for Kawamatsu, recapping how after being separated from Hiyori, he sort of wanders around until he walks up to Ringo, the "Eternal Grave", and Kawamatsu ends up befriending a Koma-Kitsune (spirit fox, I guess, is the closest translation?) called Onimaru, who guards the fallen graves of the dead warriors who fought and died in the fortress. And it's a pretty well-written backstory. Kawamatsu basically tearfully desecrates the dead bodies with the justification that "their battles aren't over yet" and likening it to a warrior taking the blade of his fallen comrade in the heat of the battle. The argument between Kawamatsu and Onimaru, as much as it's technically just Kawamatsu monologuing. It is definitely well-written, and also flows into the theme of the revolutionaries of Wano-kuni bending their strict traditions in the name of their values and pragmatism.

We get a montage of Kawamatsu and Onimaru's past, including Kawamatsu taking the identity of the first Gyukimaru in order to stockpile weapons, and also using the justification of attacking the graverobbers attempting to defile Ringo. This is intercut with the present-day stuff of Zoro, Kawamatsu and Hiyori tracking down the wounded Gyukimaru and realizing that there is a MASSIVE storehouse of swords underneath Ringo, and then the revelation that... Gyukimaru is actually a shape-shifted Onimaru, and has been doing his buddy's wishes all throughout the years. Pretty great revelation, pretty great story, and even if it is a little overly convenient, I did like what we get here, and Gyukimaru is sort of built up in previous chapters.

954 is a bit more standalone, initially starting off with a conversation between Hiyori and Zoro. Both Gyukimaru and Hiyori have both sort of asked Zoro to return Shusui to Wano, because of some sword-related superstition, and Hiyori promises to give Zoro the blade Enma (named after the King of the Underworld in Japanese mythology), Oden's old blade. Apparently Zoro's game for making the change, although honestly... we don't get a whole ton of focus on Zoro's swords all that much that I really don't feel like this is any sort of significant change.

And then we get the interesting encounter between Law and Hawkins, and apparently we get to see a scene where Law holds Hawkins at sword-point, and Hawkins tells Law about what happened between their three-Supernova alliance. Apoo was already working underneath Kaidou all along, apparently, and Hawkins ended up seeing that his fortune telling gave him a better chance to survive if he submitted. We don't exactly get to see the conclusion of the conversation, with Hawkins sort of faux-mocking Law's alliance with the Straw Hats before we fade to black and Law apparently slashes Hawkins. And... I dunno. Part of me realizes that we've had Law as basically a guest star among the Straw Hats for nearly half of the post-timeskip stories, but at the same time, Law was introduced as a character who views his alliance with Luffy as something more of a business proposition, and while I wouldn't be surprised if this is just more misdirection, I do think that it'd definitely be interesting if either Law or Zoro ended up coming to blows with Luffy over his happy-go-lucky attitude.

And then we get to see Law apparently being allowed to escape from his jail cell by someone (Drake? Hawkins?) six days before the raid on Onigashima. Again, especially with Law's body/soul-swapping abilities, I'm not sure what Law's plan is. I'm more inclined to believe that Law isn't a traitor and is just keeping his side of the plan a secret in order to not get his plan fucked up by the Straw Hats. Law's one of the more interesting characters in this arc at the moment, and I guess I just really want more of, y'know, Law or Zoro more than a Kawamatsu two-parter, is all. Still, chapter 954's middle act ends up being a set-up of most of the Straw Hats and the Wano samurai gathering together to discuss a meeting, particularly with the revelation that Yasuie had helped them out in delivering a huge message to tell them to change targets or something.

And it's all well and good for the Straw Hats and the Samurai, right? They've got the manpower from Udon, they've gathered almost all of the samurai allies, they have ships, they have a plan, they have weapons, and, shit, other than Kaidou himself, none of the Beast Pirates really end up feeling all that insurmountable.

And then we finish off the chapter with Apoo calling Kaidou, telling him that the "Numbers" are gathering for the festival, and we briefly get to see massive, gigantic oni-like figures walking through the mist. Which, considering that the Beasts Pirates works off of a card deck, probably means that we have ten extra sub-commanders (including Apoo) to contend with. But most of all... apparently, Kaidou and Big Mom have been drinking together instead of fighting, and they end up basically deciding to form a pirate alliance. And... it's not too far off, I guess? They decide that they'll kill each other after they rule the ocean, but the implication that the two of them used to be crew-mates, Big Mom's modus operandi of gathering as many people under her banner, and Kaidou being a somewhat impulsive drunk... yeah, this was foreshadowed all the way from the Reverie, I believe, but everyone just brushes it off as being kinda-impossible. It's definitely not something I expected, but not something that made me go "what the fuuuuck, where did this come from?" It kinda makes sense, especially after the whole Rocks Pirates stuff being waved all around. I just, again, really feel that we could've had a lot of better pacing, y'know? Maybe it's something that the anime is going to fix, but Big Mom's arc as a whole in Wano has been very, very messy and all over the place. I just wish that we get actual screentime for more important, major characters like Law or Big Mom instead of just jumping all over the place in-between 'huge' events just to be mysterious and surprising.

Overall, though, not a whole lot that I want to complain, because taken as individual chapters, 952 and 953 make a pretty neat little mini-arc, while 954 ends up being a pretty grand "oh shit we're getting some escalation here" chapter.

Random Notes:
  • In cover-page story land, Bege and Chiffon are basically going of on their little tart-ship to go off to Thriller Bark and find Lola. 
  • Zoro thinks Kawamatsu is a Fishman when he first sees the dude. It's up in the air on whether it's confirmation, or Zoro just being as confused as the readers on whether he's a Kappa, a Zoan fruit eater or a Fishman.
  • Chopper cured the Excite Bullets off-screen. It's nice to see Chopper do some doctor-y things every now and then!
  • We're also introduced to four random yakuza bosses that are super-protective of Hyogoro and don't give two shits about Luffy. They have unique designs, but ultimately I really can't bring myself to care about them. It's nice to have some faces and names to represent the large amount of random goons that Luffy's samurai-pirate alliance is going to have under their wing, though. 
  • A lot of the Onimaru/Gyukimaru storyline actually draws a lot of parallels to Benkei, a historical Japanese figure. 
  • Momonosuke has the Ame-no-Habakari, another one of Oden's blade. Also, Oden apparently was the one who gave Kaidou his scar, so Oden's actually a pretty fucking badass dude prior to his death! I always thought he was just a 'mere' samurai, y'know? 
  • Absolutely love that Zoro just casually talks about how he met Ryouma's walking corpse without really explaining about what's going on with Gekko Moriah's devil fruit, and Kawamatsu just acts throughout the chapter like Zoro's a wacko. 
  • Kid's crew is apparently alive, or at least most of them are, held under the threat of "we will kill your captain if you do not serve us". 
  • Ieyasu's two-lines-on-the-old-mark thing is meant to be a sign to everyone on Wano to swap targets from the snake port to the lizard port. Neat!
  • Chapter 954 also shows off the two ways to enter Wano-kuni. There's the carp waterfall, but there's also a regular tunnel under the huge island that Kaidou and Orochi's men control, allowing them to sail in and reach Wano with a lift. I'm also pretty sure this is the first time we get to see the anatomy of Wano-kuni's bizarre elevated-island-with-its-own-ocean geography. 
  • So are the Numbers a bunch of oni-style giants in the same way that Oars is? Or are they something completely different? With the Kitsune apparently just straight-up being a magical being, this could go any way, honestly. 

Sunday, 1 September 2019

Let's Play Pokemon Uranium: Part 17: Shippuden

Hinata vs
Kaito vsLast time we left off, we explored the entirety of Tsukinami village, the village of ninjas and anime ninja tropes. Not really much to say here -- this sequence was initially intended to be part of the previous part, but I ended up splitting things up due to the sheer amount of pictures.

Not much to say here -- it's the gym battle, and the next part of the main nuclear-pokemon plot.