Reviewing Monsters: Elden Ring, Part 4

So I took a bit of a break from exploring the rest of Stormveil Castle, for no real reason other than the fact that I was kind of bored of the same old enemies and basically more or less the same type of environment over and over again. The Grafted Scion room was cool, but it's otherwise just kind of... just not the most interesting location. I need more runes to buy my sorceries and level up anyway, so I wandered around the Lands Between more. I tried to explore a bit out of Limgrave this time around, clearing out a bunch of shorter dungeons and also venturing south to the Weeping Peninsula (which I guess is kinda still part of Limgrave). 

I also dipped my toes into Caelid, the scary red lands to the eastern side of Limgrave, which is notorious for being a kinda-late game area located in a very accessible location to you. I didn't really do much there, just fought against a bunch of the area-starter enemies which yielded a bit more runes for my time.

I also stumbled into the long, long magical elevator that led me down into the underground depths area called the Siofra River, which I guess is meant to be a reference to the four underworld rivers of Greek mythology? That one also had enemies that are perhaps a bit too tough for me.

Anyway, it's going to be a bit before I actually challenge Godrick the Grafted, or actually move on to the next big area. Hope this haphazard monster review is at least somewhat entertaining!

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Skeletons

It is quite interesting that I played so long and never actually encountered the Skeletons even though they're quite a few areas infested with them in Limgrave. there are, as this small selection can show you, quite a fair bit of variety. Some are naked, some wear haggard armour or pieces of clothing corresponding to living enemy types, and they've got a bunch of different weapons. Also called as "Those Who Live In Death" by the game descriptions as well as one of our allies D, I guess I was a bit mistaken on how death works in the Lands Between? Other than how it works for our Tarnished, I guess people simply can't die of old age or whatever, and only by being physically killed? It's not quite terribly clear, and it's also not terribly clear how these guys fit into all of it. Are these like 'traditional' undead that are the results of some dark magic, or are these undead the 'final form' of people who can't die?

In any case, while skeletons tend to usually be the weakest enemies ever in a video game, these guys are a fair bit more difficult to fight than a regular human in that they don't stay down. And it's not a "they get one extra life" deal either. These skeletons will actually infinitely resurrect, reconstructing themselves after you shatter them into a pile of bones, and the only way to stop it is to attack and destroy them while in the process of reforming. In the chaos of a dozen of them fighting you, expect at least one or two that get missed in your skeleton-shattering. 

I thought this was pretty great. One of the now kinda-forgotten bits of how the undead are supposed to be terrifying is that you can't keep them down. That whatever dark force animates them can animate them over and over and over again. But thanks to game mechanics, so much of that has been kind of put aside in favour of the skeletons and zombies being the weakest undead enemies. These guys at the end of the day aren't the biggest threat in the Lands Between, but I still find this pretty cool. 

They also actually pretend to be corpses in the scenery, with some hiding underground or hanging off of the side of bridges until you pass them and they drop on you and attack you. Bastards!

Bloody Finger Nejirus

This guy's a glowing-red assassin fellow with two very cool daggers. The 'Bloody Fingers' are an organization briefly mentioned in the prologue that managed to kill the Demigod Godfrey, who's one of the few unambiguously good demigods out there. 

Nejirus here is treated as an 'invader', which is meant to represent (and probably introduce) the players to the PVP side of this game, where you and your friends can enter each other's worlds to either cooperate against a boss, or to 'invade' and fight each other. It's neat that the game itself tries to sort of mimic this experience with NPC foes? 

Highwayman

Apparently, we've got highwaymen in this game too, though I'm not sure who they're robbing. The Godrick Soldiers? The Wandering Nobles? I guess there are still some lucid people, like the friendly NPCs we meet in our journeys, so these Highwaymen probably prey on them. They're found in the Murkwater Cave, and their leader (who becomes a friendly NPC) gives some backstory about them -- they used to be footsoldiers that are tossed aside by Godrick and eventually turned to banditry. They also are noted to not be able to speak much, but are able to understand enough orders to pillage stuff.

Patches the Untethered

I'm much more interested to talk about their leader, Patches, who is introduced in a rather unique way -- the traditional boss room is empty sans a bunch of camping equipment and a chest. And as you open the chest (which contains some ragged clothes), Patches comes in sauntering with his spear and shield and gets royally pissed off that you're stealing through his belongings. "The gods demand vengeance. Vengeance!" And he fights you with poison gas as well. And... halfway through his health bar, Patches actually surrenders. 

And you'd think that this is just a cowardly tactic for him to backstab you later on, but he actually just surrenders and becomes a relatively friendly NPC. He's got a great, obvious greasy swindler vibe to him, and it's clear that he's just saying whatever is convenient for him to survive, but he's also doing so in such a likable fashion that you can't help but like him, you know? 

Of course, he gets his revenge later on, because he leaves behind a chest with totally valuable stuff that you should totally not look into. And I guess it actually is honestly well-deserved karma. I mean, Patches is still a dick about it, but I did root through his stuff after he specifically warned me not to. Said booby-trapped chest sends me all the way into the Runebear forest, which I honestly find hilarious more than anything. 

Patches himself is a recurring character through most of FromSoftware's works, usually acting as this kind of 'lovable asshole' archetype. I didn't know this before playing the game, but the amount of interactions they gave to Patches here really does set him apart from the other gloomy, dreary, world-weary NPC's in the land! 

Misbegotten

I found these guys having taken over a castle in the Weeping Peninsula, having apparently been enslaved by the humans there and ultimately doing a rebellion and taking over the fortress. Again, we don't really get any real context of where these Misbegotten came from, other than that they were once enslaved, and have broken free of their chains and slaughtered their captors. In all honesty, I actually felt a bit bad slaughtering them just to loot some reward. 

Are they mutated humans? Just another species like the Demi-Humans? The result of some magical experiment? Actually, they might be Godrick's creation, and that was what I thought initially. Hell, these are the types of enemies I would've expected to see in Godrick's actual base, instead of just knights and birds. But the Wikis tell me that the Misbegotten are 'cursed humans', and actually as I explore Castle Morne (which is itself quite sizable) you see the remnants of Godrick's soldiers fighting the Misbegotten. So the Godrick soldiers have been enslaving these guys, and they've finally thrown off their shackles. 

...or have they? It does seem that, just like the Demi-Humans, the Misbegotten are actually quite intelligent, they're just not interested in talking to us. There are huge swathes where the Misbegotten seem to be clutching their heads in... regret? The implication is that not all the Misbegotten hated their human masters, and are horrified at the brutal carnage that went on in Morne. Some Misbegotten are also clearly vengeful enough to know to travel halfway across the Weeping Peninsula to hunt down and murder one of the survivors. 

Visually, the Misbegotten are an interesting bunch? They look like kind of chimeras of sorts, but humanoid instead of the traditional quadrupedal lion-goat-snake form. They've got deformed-ape faces, raggedy hair, reverse-jointed reptile legs, snake tails, long monster arms and wings. They're honestly pretty wretched-looking, and I like their model a fair bit more than the Demi-Humans and that one lone Beastman.

Over the course of Castle Morne, we've got two variants of the Misbegotten that're a bit more powerful -- the Winged Misbegotten have far more prominent wings and can actually fly, flapping around like they're Hawkman or something. They shoot arrows that take the form of comically large feathers. Comically large feathers that pierce you, though, and are no less dangerous than the crossbow bolts fired elsewhere. 

The axe-wielding guys are called the Scaly Misbegotten, with much longer reptilian tails and I think no wings at all? In lieu of wings, they've got spiky bone protrusions from their back. The Scalies are a bit more tougher than their regular Misbegotten kin, taking around double the amount of punishment before going down. 

Interestingly, our buddy Hewg the Blacksmith, turns out to also be using the Misbegotten model, at least from the neck down. I've always assumed he's just a regular person who's a bit deformed, but he also has all the same bent legs and tail as a Misbegotten. He's also very chatty and clearly sentient, confirming that, yes, these enslaved Misbegotten are a sentient race that has either been driven to mindless bestial behaviour by their mistreatment or their rage. 

Leonine Misbegotten

The boss of Castle Morne is a single, powerful Misbegotten identified as the "Leonine" Misbegotten, intelligent enough to steal the treasured sword of Castle Morne... which is not the claymore it's holding. It's one of the more ridiculous-looking (in a good way!) weapons in the game, and most likely a nod to George R. R. Martin's more famous work... but we're not here to talk about weapons. We're here to talk about the Leonine Misbegotten. He's... he's sure a bit more 'leonine' all right, with that wild mane of red hair. He's larger and faster than all the other Misbegotten, and dodges pretty quickly! 

There's not much else to really say about him that I haven't said with the other Misbegotten, but he's pretty cool and powerful as far as these bosses go. 

Spirit Jellyfish

Finally I get to talk about these guys! Jellyfishes are cool, right? I got a 'Spirit Jellyfish Ashes', which allows me to summon one to fight alongside me, pretty early in the game, but I wasn't going to put them into this review list until I fought them as enemies! And apparently these ghostly, ethereal giant jellyfishes just hang around on the coastal areas of Castle Morne, just bobbing around. Behaviourally, they're rather simple. They're very peaceful and docile, until you attack them. At which point they glow red and shoot poison globs at you. Simple enough, about what you'd expect from a giant floating jellyfish enemy. The ones in Castle Morne have longer outer tentacles. 

What's interesting, however, is the description of our Spirit Jellyfish Ashes. "A floating spirit that illuminates its surroundings. Prone to tears, the jellyfish girl searches for her distant home... It seems her name is Aurelia."

So yeah, the Spirit Jellyfish is actually a spirit girl that's searching for her home. She's even got a name and everything! There are a lot of regular ghosts that retain their humanoid appearances that we meet all over the Lands Between, but apparently some of them actually turn into ghost jellyfishes upon their death? How does that work? There are some theories out there that think Spirit Jellyfishes are meant to represent the spirits of children specifically, which... maybe? It's creepy, and raises the question why some people turn into ghostly avatars of their living selves, while some turn into jellyfishes. Okay?

Aurelia (named after a genus of moon jellyfishes in real life), by the way, is easily the best summon for fighting early-game bosses. She tanks reasonably well, and her poison status is pretty useful against a single powerful enemy. She helped me kill Margit, she helped me kill that demon cat statue, she helped me kill the Leonine Misbegotten, she helped me kill the boss I'm going to talk about at the end of this review. She's pretty cool!

Rotten Stray

So I went to Caelid a bit to sneak around and steal some of the higher-end items while avoiding all of the big, scary demon crows that patrol the area. But the weaker enemies? The weaker enemies I can handle. These Rotten Strays are the 'upgraded' versions of the Strays we find in Limgrave. I'm probably not going to talk about all of the upgraded variants unless there's something particularly interesting about them...

And the Rotten Stray here is almost the same thing as the Stray. Same mangy model, but with extra health and damage, and the addition of some bonus debilitating effect onto its bites (the 'Scarlet Rot' effect, which I'll probably get deeper into when I explore Caelid proper) but what's particularly cool about them is that we can see the real reason why they're so wretched -- those red pocks on their body? Those aren't like, rotting flesh or whatever. Those are mushrooms. The same mushrooms that cover a lot of Caelid's terrain, and the cause (or maybe the symptom) of the Scarlet Rot. Very cool. I like this additional bit of design a lot!

Putrid Corpse / Toxic Putrid Corpse / Rotten Putrid Corpse

Speaking of enemy variants, let's go into three at once. These guys are basically more or less the same thing, and they're adapting zombies. And unlike the Skeletons, there's... there's really nothing particularly noteworthy about them other than how, as always, cool the viscera and the creepiness of the rotting, shambling corpse with exposed bones and flesh are. 

The regular Putrid Corpse is just a zombie, and the Toxic Putrid Corpse is found around a poisonous lake in the Weeping Peninsula, that can eject poison attacks from its open ribcage. And the one on the left is the Rotten Putrid Corpse -- hordes of them wander Caelid aimlessly, and their body seem to still retain some kind of musculature that's tinged red with... blood? Or rot? 

They sure are zombies!

Tree Guardian

This is an interesting one. These guys are humans, at least on the surface. They wield these cool giant golden spears, and... they've got a whole-ass tree trunk sprouting out of their back. They sometimes breathe poisonous spores. As I mentioned in previous articles, the game has a huge botanical leaning to it, and these Guardians appear to have been taken over by the trees. A tree god? Parasitic seedlings? Trees animating corpses in the ground?

It turns out that it's none of these things, and that the Guardians are actually willingly being transformed into these warriors, entering into a pact with the Erdtree -- the giant golden tree that I now realize is basically taking over the role of a sun in this world. There are a bunch of 'Minor' Erdtrees all over the Lands Between, and these Guardians, well, guard it. Apparently, whatever pact they made transformed them and causes them to grow into these beings after death. I mean, well, if they consented to it, sure!

Erdtree Avatar

Ooooh, this big tree thing! This big angry tree thing! This is a boss that hangs out in one of those aforementioned Minor Erdtrees, just a clump of gnarly wood that... that moves and starts jumping around and swinging that giant piece of... what is that thing, even? A hammer? Just a chunk of ruins that the Erdtree Avatar picked up? It's just this massive tree-thing, but it also looks so alien. Tolkien's Ents have inspired a great number of different tree-humanoids across different media, perhaps most famously the 'Treants' from Dungeons & Dragons and other material that copied them, but look at this Erdtree Avatar! The first time I saw it, I can only call it as being 'vaguely humanoid'. The only real 'human' part are the spindly arms holding the weapon, whereas the rest doesn't really give an impression of a human at all. It almost looks like it's got a giant skirt, but it's just a mass of brambles. And it defintiely has no face, just an exploding yawning hollow... trunk? The lack of a traditional 'face' does really make this thing look a fair bit less 'human'. 

The concept art shows a bit more clearly what they're going for, which isn't really clear when I'm trying to void its jumping around and crazy swings. It's meant to be an upside-down tree, as seen by the 'skirt' and 'arms' ending in leaves. You can kind of see it, right? That blown-up non-head is like, some kind of a ripped-up root system? 

Interestingly, in addition to the quintessential giant Dark Souls boss fight ability of being deathly fast and jumping around, the Erdtree Avatar is able to cast a whole magic rune spell that launches a literal machinegun of holy light. As mentioned with the Miranda Flowers, the Erdtree is the source of this setting's holy magic, and it makes perfect sense that a sprout of the pretty gigantic Minor Erdtree would have access to it as well. 

Very impressive-looking boss, honestly. I like this one. These Erdtree Avatars drop rather specific items that enhance a specific mechanic called the Flask of Wondrous Physick, which allows you to create a potion with differing effects based on what you mix into it. 

Anyway, next time, we return to our regularly scheduled Stormveil Castle assault!

Movie Review - Deadpool & Wolverine

Deadpool & Wolverine [2024]

So yeah, what is there to say about this movie? Hailed as the movie that 'saved the MCU' during its less-than-stellar Phase Five, Deadpool & Wolverine does admittedly put a to of focus back on the characters and the superheroes, and did so in a drought of good superhero content. Admittedly a good chunk of it is due to star power -- Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds, and their respective characters, are extremely popular. But among the comic-book fandom, having the major properties like the X-Men be properly integrated into the 'main' MCU has always been a massive pipe dream.

But, of course, the Multiverse ended up being a whole load of teases that never paid off (with the sole exception of Spider-Man: No Way Home), and that's even if they do anything with it in the first place.

And this movie... isn't exactly the 'canon-welding' event that people wanted, but it's close enough and, more importantly, fun enough that the movie was a really great experience. There is, admittedly, a rather impressive amount of comic-book-movie you need to understand before watching this movie... but it also kind of works in-universe, which is impressive. They do give an info-dump on a lot of what you need to know just to follow this movie, but basically, the TVA from Loki decide to bring Deadpool over to the 'sacred timeline' of the primary MCU universe. Turns out the TVA agent Mr. Paradox is actually there to prune the rest of Deadpool's universe. And Deadpool ends up escaping, recruiting 'the worst' Wolverine. Hijinks ensue as they lampoon every aspect of the MCU and Fox's movie franchises, and they eventually encounter and fight against Cassandra Nova and even recruited a bunch of superheroes whose movie-series were long-cancelled.

And... written on paper, I really didn't think the movie would work well... but it somehow did. Just like the animated Spider-Verse movies, this movie is chock-full with cameos and references that should, by rights, overload the movie... but we move from one to the next with such ease and so much focus on our main characters -- Deadpool, Wolverine and Cassandra Nova -- that the rest of the cameos just become entertaining background noise, but a huge 'fuck, I remember that guy, that's Azazel!' or 'holy shit, Age of Apocalypse got referenced'! A lot of the jokes are, I think, fun enough that alternative joke interpretation kicks in even if you don't 'get' it. Most of the jokes also don't stick and overstay their welcome, and the actual self-deprecation that Deadpool does towards Disney-Marvel is actually quite refreshing.

After a similar "mid-action you must be wandering how we got here" to his first movie, Deadpool brings the movie to a quick recap of Deadpool 2's ending. We establish that Deadpool has done a lot of time-traveling with Cable's time machine... and a huge chunk of this movie has Deadpool basically feeling like a loser. He actually shows up in the 'Sacred Timeline' and tries to interview into the Avengers and gets rejected by Happy Hogan. And over the next six years, Wade's obsession over this has costed him his relationship with his girlfriend Vanessa. This leads to a rather happy birthday party, still, where all of Deadpool's colourful friends show up... 

...only for agent of the TVA to appear. With a glorious joke where Deadpool mistakes them for strippers, they eventually bring Deadpool to the TVA headquarters, where both Deadpool and the audience get a huge exposition about what the TVA does, the existence of the sacred timeline and the multiverse. It's a bit of a clever bit of exposition, and thematically it even works with where Wade is as a character at the moment. He's offered a place on the 'sacred' MCU timeline, or Earth-616... but the rest of his universe is going to be pruned.

(Which, of course, is a cheeky allegory of how some people expected the Disney/Fox merger was going to go, with a pick-and-choose methodology to the character-actor combos that make it to the MCU). 

Mr. Paradox, who is technically the main antagonist of this movie but quickly gets subsumed by a different, more immediate threat, also explains that the 'Anchor Being' of Deadpool's corner of the universe, Wolverine, has died.. and that his universe is doomed either way. Again, another allegory to the 'death' of the whole Fox-X-Men movie series, but presented in a way that makes sense in-universe. 

Unwilling to accept that his universe is doomed, and in a way that he is, once more, not as important as he thinks he is, Deadpool steals a Tem-Pad from the TVA and goes off to... the grave where Wolverine is buried at the end of Logan. Now Logan is probably one of the best superhero movies ever made, and always noted to be a perfect cap-off to the Wolverine's cinematic history as actor Hugh Jackman retires. And... I both love and hate that this movie actually desecrates that ending by having Deadpool literally dig up Wolverine's corpse and ne utilize said corpse in the subsequent action scene... but I also appreciate that they didn't resurrect this Wolverine specifically and that they acknowledge how well this movie ended. 

Because, yes, this is where the movie opening happens, with the TVA agents charging in at Deadpool, and Deadpool weaponizing Wolverine's adamantium skeleton to deliver a brutal, R-rated beating to the TVA agents to the tune of 'NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye". 

This then continues to a heavy-on-the-fanservice sequence as Deadpool jumps from one universe to the next trying to recruit a Wolverine to bring home as the Anchor Being of his universe. Going from Age of Apocalypse to Patch to Old Man Logan to a gloriously comic-accurate brown outfit Wolverine, all of these sequences end up with Wolverine beating the shit out of Deadpool. 

Ultimately, Deadpool recruits a Wolverine -- one that's going to be our Wolverine for the rest of the movie. And for the first time in cinema, this Wolverine wears a proper superhero outfit! Admittedly it's a 'MCU-ified' version of the classic yellow and blue, but the colours and the mask are right. Can't complain too much. 

The two return to the TVA, but apparently anchor beings can't be so easily replaced. Additionally, Paradox identifies this Wolverine as "the Worst Wolverine", one that failed to save the rest of the X-Men, pouring more salt to the wound. However, Deadpool realizes the inconsistencies in Paradox's claims, and deduces that he's acting without the knowledge of his supervisors. 

Paradox zaps Deadpool and Wolverine, sending the two tumbling into the desert realm where everything 'pruned' by the TVA go to -- the Void. Here, Deadpool and Wolverine get into a pretty fun fight, which Deadpool defuses by telling Wolverine that the TVA would have the technology to undo the deaths in Wolverine's timeline. They get interrupted by villains, however... and very fun villains, too -- using a mixture of returning actors or lookalikes, the entire villainous faction is made up of former X-Men villains like Pyro, Toad, Juggernaut, Azazel, Lady Deathstrike and Sabretooth. 

A group of such villains arrive in what Deadpool describes rather accurately as a 'Mad Max' parody, leading to a fight between Wolverine and Sabretooth. For as much as Deadpool hypes it up as a fight between rivals, this particular fight ends very quickly and abruptly, although to be perfectly fair it did get an actual spotlight on it. (I really did miss Liev Schreiber version, though).

We also have one of the most glorious cameos ever, as one of the denizens of the Void is a guy in a hood that sounds like Captain America, acts like Captain America... and Deadpool is excited to hear his catchphrase of "Avengers Assemble"... but it's actually Chris Evans' other superhero character! The Human Torch yells "flame on!" and flies into battle but gets trounced by Pyro.

Again, this is the kind of ridiculous but loving references to he superhero genre as a whole that should not have worked... but it does. 

Deadpool, Wolverine and Human Torch get captured and taken to the overlord of the Void, Cassandra Nova. Human Torch gives us some backstory on her, revealing how she's been ruling the denizens of the Void with an iron fist (or, well, creepy psychic fingers) and how there are a lot of universes with their own heroes and villains that were pruned and sent to the Void. Oh, and she is the evil twin sister to Professor X, and the movie showcases her mindfuckery very well with the visual effect of fingers literally wiggling through your face. 

Thanks to some seemingly ill-advised comments on Deadpool's part (which as the post-credits show, turn out to not be actual lies) Cassandra kills Human Torch very graphically, stripping the skin and flesh off his bones and turning him into a pile of graphic goop. Cassandra's psychic powers prove to be extremely powerful even without the aid of her army of superpowered mutants, but the fight is interrupted when the giant cosmic smoke monster that lives in the Void, Alioth, show up. It's a pretty fun nod to the MCU without overloading the show with even more cameos. 

Escaping Alioth with a Sentinel boot, we get a sequence where they meet more Deadpool variants, like "Nicepool" (who is just Ryan Reynolds without the cancerous makeup he wears as Wade) and Dogpool (played by "the world's ugliest dog", and is a good dog), which is mostly just there for gags and to set up the appearance of the Deadpool corps later on. 

At this point, Deadpool accidentally lets it slip that he isn't certain that the TVA is actually able to fix timelines, leading to a very furious Wolverine attacking Deadpool, in a nice subversion of their little bonding moment. It's around this time that we also learn of this "Worst Wolverine's" backstory, where he also views himself as a bit of a loser thanks to being unable to save the X-Men of his timeline. The two of them fight, giving us the biggest Deadpool/Wolverine fight in this movie which, again, is pretty fun choreography that makes full use of the two characters' healing factors. 

They wake up and find themselves in a resistance base, which, in another glorious cameo, is made up of other actors whose superhero movies and franchises are cancelled and have reverted back to Marvel. We've got Blade from the Blade trilogy, Elektra from the Daredevil movies, and Gambit from a movie that didn't even get made. It's just so nice to see Wesley Snipes back as Blade, y'know? Blade and Elektra are played straight, while the movie has a lot of fun with the funky accent that Gambit has. The last member of their group is Laura "X-23" Kinney, all grown up. 

Deadpool glosses over the death of Human Torch, and manages to convince these other heroes to team up with him to fight against Cassandra Nova. We get a nice dramatic scene where Laura walks up to Logan, and while Logan isn't convinced that he can be the hero that Laura wants to see in him, Laura tells Logan that he is the Wolverine whatever things may be. It's a pretty nice, dramatic character-driven moment.

The assembled heroes charge into Cassandra's base, and this is the big badass fight scene which I really don't want to describe beat by beat. But having all of these heroes fight against the X-Men villains, with powers being accurately represented? It really is extremely fun to see. X-23, Blade, Gambit and Elektra fight against the rest of the evil villains, which gives us a lot of fun action sequences. Most notable is Elektra killing Bullseye, which is a small moment but a very nice one for her. Blade also takes down motherfuckers like a mofo. I am a huge Hugh Jackman/Wolverine fanboy, but seeing Blade of all people get so much screentime is a blessing.

While this is going on, Wolverine and Deadpool go against Cassandra... at which point we're treated to some creepy mind-fuckery. Wolverine is forced to contend with the dead X-Men he failed to protect in a creepy misty tombstone-hallucination, while Deadpool gets shoved into a hallucination where his closest friends talk him down... but the imagined Vanessa telling Deadpool that he'll never fucking matter ends up jolting him out of his reverie. With their allies killing Juggernaut and getting his helmet, Deadpool and Wolverine manage to disable Cassandra and they have her dead-to-rights.

However, Pyro, having been in contact with Paradox, betrays and leaves a mortal wound on Cassandra. And in a rather stupid -- but in-character -- move, Wolverine has a "what would Professor X do" moment and resolves to save Cassandra, convincing Deadpool to remove the helmet. While Cassandra does hold her word long enough to send Deadpool and Wolverine back to Deadpool's home universe, she quickly kills Pyro, finds out about the Time Ripper, and goes off to enact her multiverse-destroying plan. Which... I think it is important that we do show that for all the gore and cynicism that our heroes in this movie show, they are still heroes at the end of the day. 

The final act takes place in Earth-10005, Deadpool's dimension, as Cassandra Nova kills Pyro and steals the Dr. Strange portal ring to travel there. Having learned of the "Time Ripper" device that the TVA owns, Cassandra reveals her master plan of utilizing the Time Ripper to destroy all timelines and return it to the Void... which... okay, sure. She's not the most right in the head, as established by Wolverine's attempt to spare her and talk things out. 

Cassandra also summons her final army -- the Deadpool Corps, made up of various Deadpool variants. We've got a bunch of comic-book cameos, and again, it's a fun sequence that highlights the absurdity and creativity of comic-book artists. We get some black comedy as Nicepool gets killed by Deadpool's actions, before our two heroes bond over their shared cause and friendship, and charge into battle. We get a cool sequence of Deadpool variants being mangled and mauled as the fight goes through a bus, and the seemingly killed Deadpool variants all getting back up because of the healing factor. The arrival of Deadpool's buddy Peter ends up causing the Deadpool Corps to disperse, however. 

Deadpool and Wolverine charge in to try and stop the Time Ripper, but Paradox tells them that even with their healing powers, trying to stop the device would kill them. We get a pretty fun "who gets to sacrifice himself" as the theme of being the biggest loser plays out, and it almost seems to lead to Wolverine (who's played by an actor who retired once, and comes from a universe without X-Men anyway) going to do it... but of course, friendship prevails and Deadpool charges in, and the two of them together manage to stop the device, overload Cassandra Nova and survive in the process.

And shirts explode. Of course shirts explode. 

The movie ends with Hunter B-15 from the TVA arriving to arrest Paradox, and thank Deadpool because his actions have saved the deterioration of his universe. Wolverine ends up staying in Deadpool's universe and bond with him and his friends... and even Laura gets to stay with them. A nice ending!

And... is the movie messy? It sure is. Cassandra isn't the most well-realized villain. The TVA stuff, ultimately, felt pretty superfluous. I personally think that the last chunk of the movie feels a fair bit like padding, although I also realize the need to have Logan and Wade have a proper moment of them confronting their 'loser'-ness and bonding together, just the two of them. I love most of the cameos, and while I don't think all of the jokes landed, it was still a great experience that does, first and foremost, focus on the struggles of the heroes and who they are as characters before anything else. This movie has way more cameos and easter eggs (this list below isn't anywhere near the full depth of what the movie did) that your average Marvel movie, but unlike something like What If season 3, it doesn't really detract from the actual story they're trying to tell with Wade and Logan as characters. I'm not sure if this is the movie that'll get general audiences to give the new MCU a chance, but it sure is a nice way to get many fans back.

Marvel Easter Eggs Corner:

• Post-Credits Scene: A long, protracted scene of Human Torch actually cussing and talking shit about Cassandra Nova while being captured, showing that Deadpool didn't actually lie about him. 
• Continuity Placement:

• The events of this movie take place specifically some time after the post-credits scene of Deadpool 2, in which Deadpool uses Cable's time-slider to revert the death of Vanessa. 
• The timeline of Logan gets revisited briefly way after the end of that movie, where Deadpool visits Logan's grave. 
• The events on the TVA's side of things happen after Loki season 2, where the TVA is purged of Kang's influence and B-16 is in charge. The Void and Alioth are both established in that series -- with Deadpool even correctly noting that Alioth was last seen in "Loki, Season 1, Episode 5". 
  
• The scene with Happy Hogan, lining up the timelines, would've taken place slightly after Spider-Man: Homecoming, explaining his kinder attitude to Wade as well as his appearance.
• Live-Action Cameos:
• Blade, played by Wesley Snipes, was the star of his movie trilogy from 1998-2004. Ryan Reynolds himself starred as a supporting character in Blade: Trinity.
• Elektra, played by Jennifer Garner, was a supporting character in 2003's Daredevil and had a movie in 2005's Elektra.
• Human Torch, played by Chris Evans, is the incarnation from the 2005-2007 Fantastic Four movies. The joke here is, of course, that Chris Evans would go on to play the MCU's incarnation of Captain America. 
• X-23/Laura, of course, makes her debut in Logan.
• Deadpool's supporting cast, namely Vanessa, Blind Al, Colossus, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Shatterstar, Peter, Dopinder and Buck the Mercenary make brief appearances in the beginning and end of the movie. Shatterstar is notable because he was apparently killed in Deadpool 2.
• The various X-Men villains who form Cassandra Nova's minions, played by reprised actors include: Pyro (from the first 3 X-Men movies) and Sabretooth (specifically the incarnation from X-Men).
• Various returning villains based on older X-Men/Fox movies characters not played by reprising actors include: , Juggernaut (X-Men III), Blob (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Lady Deathstrike (X-Men 2), Azazel (X-Men First Class), Toad (the appearance from X-Men), Psylocke (the incarnation from X-Men III), a gender-flipped Quill (X-Men III), Callisto (X-Men III), Bullseye (Daredevil) and surprisingly, The Russian (Punisher 2004).
• 'Meta' Live-Action Cameos:
• Gambit, played by Channing Tatum, is a reference to the fact that Channing Tatum was tapped to play Gambit for a movie that infamously had a long history of troubled production -- a fact that Gambit lampshades several times in the movie, noting that he "wasn't sure if he was pruned or not", and mentioning "stories that hasn't been told yet". 
  
• One of the Wolverine variants (the one working on a motorbike) is played by Henry "Superman" Cavill, who himself was a very popular casting choice for Wolverine before the announcement of Hugh Jackman's return. Deadpool disses DC comics a bit, noting that they'll treat him much better than "those assholes down the street".
• In addition to the other characters that actually make a physical appearance, Blade and Elektra mention Magneto, Quicksilver (these two are presumably variants from the Fox X-Men movies), Daredevil (from Daredevil 2003) and the Punisher (from any of the 3 movies that Fox produced from him).
• Wade makes a joke about 'which one' when Blade and Elektra mention the Punisher, noting that he's always been played by four different actors across three movies and a Netflix series. 
• While the visuals are consistent with the sling-rings from the MCU, the existence of Dr. Strange sling-rings is likely a reference to the 1978 TV movie made for the character. Yes.
• At one point, Blade notes that "there's only ever gonna be one Blade", while Deadpool looks at the audience, either noting that the MCU has a Blade movie already in the pipeline... or lampshading that that Blade movie is also in production trouble. 
• Comic-Book Cameos:
• Wolverine variants:

• The Wolverine in this movie has a yellow-and-blue suit that's based on his first major appearance in Uncanny X-Men and would become extremely popularized by X-Men: The Animated Series. It was almost a running gag in the original X-Men movies that it was near-impossible to get a superhero suit on Wolverine. As the movie progresses, the suit's sleeves get torn off and Wolverine dons the mask, making it even more comic-accurate. 
  
• "Patch", the Wolverine that wears a white suit and an eyepatch, is the alias that Wolverine uses while in Mardipoor in his first solo comic-book run.
• The blue-and-red one-armed Wolverine is an extremely faithful nod to Age of Apocalypse Wolverine, a comic-book variant who hails from a bad future ruled by Apocalypse. 
• "John Byrne brown" Wolverine is a combination of his second-most iconic superhero outfit from the '90s (yellow and brown), and Wolverine's first appearance as someone sent to fight the Hulk. The Hulk's face reflected on the Wolverine's claws is a homage to The Incredible Hulk #340.
• The crucified Wolverine in a field of skulls is taken from a scene where he was tortured by the Reavers in Uncanny X-Men #251.
• The old Wolverine is a truer-to-text adaptation of Old Man Logan. 
• "Cavillrine", in addition to being an actor gag, also uses one of Logan's more iconic civilian outfit (a 'wifebeater' shirt and jeans), which Hugh Jackman himself wore in some of the earlier movies.
• While obviously exaggerated for comedic purposes, 'comics-accurate Wolverine' is a reference to how Wolverine is meant to be one of the shorter members of the X-Men as opposed to Hugh Jackman's physique.
• Deadpool variants:
• 
  Dogpool, Lady Deadpool, Kidpool and Headpool were the original members of the Deadpool Corps -- which, yes, is a thing. It's an amalgamation of multiple different Deadpools from the multiverse. Lady Deadpool is voiced by Ryan Reynolds' wife Blake Lively, while Kidpool and Babypool are played by their 2 children. 
• The robotic Deadpool is Deadpool 2099, hailing from that series of future comics.
• The ronin Deadpool is The Fool, from the '5 Ronin' alternate universe set in ancient Japan.
• The Deadpool with a gas mask is Golden Age Deadpool, featured in the 2010 story of the same name. 
• The cowboy Deadpool is based on The Deadpool Kid, a variant from a wild west universe and a minor member of the comics' incarnation of the Corps.
• Pyro wears an outfit based on his Ultimate comics incarnation. In the movies that he shows up in, Pyro only wore civilian clothes.
• Among the 'Mad Max' vehicles used by Cassandra's minions is the Fantasticar, albeit one that's based more on the comics than its portrayal in the Fox movies. 
• The backstory of "the Worst" Wolverine is somewhat similar to the one in Old Man Logan, although the source of his angst is a bit lessened -- instead of being brainwashed into killing the other X-Men, Wolverine was instead absent when the other X-Men were killed, and in his rampage of killing their enemies, he kills a bunch of civilians instead.
  
• Past-Movie Continuity Nods [MCU]:
  
• Happy's office contains the 'Proof that Tony Stark Has A Heart' plaque from Iron Man; the martial arts stick that he and Tony played around with in Iron Man 2, the partially-unfinished Captain America shield from Iron Man 2, the Mark V suitcase suit from Iron Man 2, and a photograph of Tony Stark and Peter Parker that Tony looks at in Avengers: Endgame.
• Peter's face is, however, obscured by a toy Iron Man mask due to licensing reasons for Spider-Man. That toy Iron Man mask was worn by a kid in Iron Man 2 -- who was later retconned by some directors to be a young Peter Parker. 
• Cassandra Nova's forces are based on the skull of Ant-Man in his Giant-Man form.
• Among the random stuff seen in the Void, many of them have appeared previously in Loki. New additions include a more truer-to-the-comics winged Thor helmet, the ice-cream truck from Moon Knight, Red Skull's pimped-out car from Captain America: The First Avenger, the mural of Scarlet Witch from Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness and Thanos's throne from the first two Guardians of the Galaxy movie.
• In addition to various archival footage from the movies, the scene of Deadpool and Thor uses edited footage from Thor: The Dark World, in the scene where Thor mourns over the apparent death of Loki.
• When Deadpool is confronted by the Hulk, he (mis)-quotes Loki's line "I'm a god/Marvel Jesus, you dull creature" from The Avengers, and gets punched right after saying the line just like Loki. 
• As Deadpool and Wolverine jump into the TVA portal, he says "on your left", a nod to Captain America's line from Captain America: The Winter Soldier and paraphrased by Falcon in Avengers: Endgame. 
• The end of the movie where Deadpool discuss Shwarma is a nod to the famous post-credits scene to The Avengers, and the surge of popularity that the movie caused to Shwarma... with Deadpool mockingly noting that 'The Avengers discovered Shwarma!'
• Past-Movie Continuity Nods [X-Men and Other Movies]:

• While they do not appear, various characters name-drop other X-Men: Professor X, Magneto, Quicksilver, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Storm and Beast all get mentioned at some point in the movie.
• Deadpool recruits Wolverine in a bar fight, a reference to how Wolverine's very first scene is in a bar in the first X-Men movie.
  
• Deadpool's intense performance of 'NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" actually is a very obscure reference to a line from Wolverine where he was irritated by the song in X-Men 2.
• The song that plays in Deadpool's birthday, "Angel of the Morning", was the song in the opening credits of his first movie. 
• Deadpool mockingly tells the TVA agents that 'pegging isn't new' for him. It happened to him during the sex montage in Deadpool. 
• Deadpool notes that Human Torch does a "superhero landing", having lampshaded the three-point landing in Deadpool with his antagonist Angel Dust. 
• Laura and Logan's quiet conversation has a callback to some of the more dramatic lines from Logan, with Laura noting that Logan is "always the wrong guy... until [he] wasn't."
• Right before the final battle, Laura pulls out the convenience store sunglasses that she famously wore in Logan as a younger child. 
• The samurai Deadpool's arms grows into a 'baby arm' similar to what happened to our Deadpool in Deadpool. 
• In addition to all the X-Men, parts from the Sentinel robots as they appear in X-Men: Days of Future's Past can be seen strewn around the Void, and one is used to escape Alioth. 
• Blade and Deadpool briefly note that they don't like each other much -- a cheeky nod to how Wesley Snipes and Ryan Reynolds had an infamously hostile relationship during the filming of Blade: Trinity. 
• Blade gives an epic rephrasing of one of his most iconic lines from the 1998 Blade movie: "some motherfuckers are trying to ice-skate uphill."
• Cassandra Nova in the comics is the evil twin sister of Professor X, who, depending on the writer, was the 'evil from birth' twin of Charles Xavier or a psychic entity called a mummudrai that infiltrated the womb of Charles' mother. Regardless of the origin, a young Charles Xavier was able to sense the evil in her since she was a baby, and used his psychic powers to force a miscarriage. Cassandra survived, however, and menaced the X-Men afterwards.
• Mr. Paradox in the comics is a minor, evil future version of TVA agent Mobius M. Mobius. 
• The Ant-Man skull's mouth-roof has '24601' engraved on it, a nod to Hugh Jackman's leading role in the Les Misérables movie adaptation.
• As usual, the 'sacred timeline' is identified as Earth-616, the traditional moniker for the primary Marvel comics universe. 
• Comic-book artist Rob Liefeld is referenced in the foot massage parlor that is very prominently shown in the final battle. Hilariously, Rob Liefeld is apparently known for not being the best at drawing feet.
• A picture of Stan Lee is used in an advertisement poster for 'You Friendly Neighborhood Cleaner: Stanlee Steamer', a double-reference to Spider-Man's moniker.
• The pizza place that Logan and Wade eat at is called "Feige's Famous Pizza", a reference to Kevin Feige.
• Deadpool notes that the "power in the Marvel universe is about to change forever", which is an echo to Dwayne Johnson's much-mocked attempt to hype up the Black Adam movie for the DC cinematic universe. 
• Deadpool also mocks the 'whole multiverse thing' multiple times -- when the Deadpool Corps show up, and immediately after when Deadpool reacts negatively to Nicepool noting that he loves the 'post-Endgame' content. Marvel's performance and meandering during the Multiverse saga has been a huge source of frustration by the fans because the MCU has mishandled the multiverse in their many different projects.
• Nicepool also seems to be a bit of a lampoon on some of the MCU's "forced comedy" moments that it has (not unfairly) been accused of in its later years, like name-dropping random pop culture references without actually tying it into a joke.

Bleach TYBW E37 Review: sword ex mAchinA

Bleach, Thousand-Year Blood War, Episode 37: Shadows Gone

So, yeah. I think I've gone on record in the first part of reviewing this fight that I'm not the biggest fan of how it ends. Both the Pernida and Lille fight had all the participants -- be it Sternritter, Captain or Vice-Captain -- pull some bullshit ability to one-up each other. That's all right. Whether it's Nemu having unrevealed abilities or Lille's Vollstanding forms or Kyoraku's Bankai or Mayuri's upgraded Bankai or Pernida's nature... it's part and parcel of Bleach's DNA. But one crucial thing is that... some of these get foreshadowed. It's not that huge of a surprise that Kyoraku's Bankai, for example, has a lot of esoteric effects -- it hasn't been unleashed and he is one of the more senior captains of the Gotei 13, so of course it's going to be cool. Something not being quite right with Nemu that ties with science-y abilities and being an artificial Shinigami have also been slowly built up across her various minor appearances throughout the series. That's all right too. 

But Ise Nanao? Sure, she does share the unenviable position alongside Iba, Yachiru and Nemu as one of the few Vice-Captains that have never released their Zanpakuto before the Thousand-Year Blood War arc, and with Iba at least we know his sword is a pretty simple one. And unlike Yachiru or Nemu, there really was no indication that Nanao of all people is some kind of secret badass hiding some kind of hidden secret that can match the power of the gods. Which, also, incidentally, is the perfect counter against a being like Lille Barro. 

And it would be something, anything, if there was some foreshadowing in the manga that Nanao doesn't have a regular Zanpakuto, or if her Zanpakuto is actually sealed, or if there was a rumour about a god-sealing sword, or, or, or... and even if you can blame Bleach being rushed around the time that these later chapters were released, there was absolutely no excuse for the anime not to do any of that. The anime adaptation has been masterful at adding subtle hints here and there to foreshadow future events... but arguably one of the things that needed the most exploration? 

So yeah. It also kind of sucks that for all the built-up done towards it, Kyoraku's Bankai really didn't manage to do much but inconvenience Lille Barro a bit.

But with that rant out of the way, I would still like to talk about this episode and what a good adaptation of the "Theater Suicide" chapters they are. They do a bit of reconfiguration to have the flashbacks be a bit more gradual, which I suppose is the closest thing to foreshadowing that we're going to get about Shinken Hakkyoken. 

We start off with young Kyoraku Shunsui, hanging out with his older brother (who's named by the adaptation, Shunzan) and his very sweet sister-in-law, Ise Isuzu. This is the origin of the hairpins and kimono that Kyoraku wears in his very distinctive design, and we get a pretty sweet scene of Isuzu giving Shunzan one of her hairpins as he goes off to fight Hollows. Shunzan and Shunsui get into a bit of an argument when Shunsui teases his older brother, but Shunsui also admits that the arrival of his sister-in-law has been such a great thing for their family. His previously-strained relationship with his brother is now a lot better.

We then cut to the present day, to the absolutely nothing cliffhanger from the previous episode as what Kyoraku is about to tell his sword spirit Katen gets interrupted by a gigantic pillar of light. Oh no, turns out that Lille Barro is still alive! 

We get some admittedly cool effects as Lille Barro rises up even with his head gone. Energy reforms into a bizarre outline facsimile of his head as Lille rants about 'sinners'. And it is at this point in the fight that Lille Barro's character design gets a complete overhaul -- and I think another reason why I didn't like this fight so much is how little of the no-nonsense sniper remained after his second transformation. There is, I suppose, a gradual change as Lille goes from "I'm a badass enforcer of his majesty" to "I'm the greatest messenger of god" to "BOW BEFORE GOD, SINNERS!" but we know so little about Lille as a character that it doesn't feel natural. 

The visuals also change a lot -- and it is admittedly based on a lot of mythology-accurate angels from Judeo-Christian lore. But such a drastic change in both Lille's visuals and anime villain ranting does make it hard to take the character seriously as a continuous entity. The anime, perhaps realizing this, goes all in on divorcing Lille's appearance in episode 35 and prior and his appearance in this episode. As Lille Barro transforms into the second part of Jilliel, the infamous "owl form", the anime changes the colour of his glowing reiatsu from green to golden, and had his voice go through so much digital processing that it doesn't even sound the same either. 

And, to be frank? I like Lille's bizarre cherub-owl form... in a vacuum. Had this been a brand-new character, or had the transformation been a bit more gradual, I would've liked it a bit more. But it's such a bizarre jump to go from badass military sniper angel to an angel-cocoon-centaur to a bizarre owl-snake-head thing. 

Anyway, Lille basically rants throughout all this episode about how he is god's immortal and invincible messenger, and... it's a Bleach thing. Whether a character starts ranting about the theme that Kubo wants to explore with the character, they go into several different iterations of 'fear' or 'death' or 'imagination' or 'experimentation' or 'strength' or 'names' or whatever theme that we're exploring. But there's absolutely nothing to explore with Lille's rantings, making him not even live up to other Bleach villains. 

The action scene is, at least, quite spectacular as rendered by the anime. Lille forms his super-long arms and starts shooting giant laser beams, leading to an impressive sequence of him destroying a huge chunk of Wahrwelt's buildings that blasts out even from underneath the floating city. All the heavenly wrath of Lille's gigantic beams are rendered excellently by the anime. The animation also makes Lille's owl-head a lot more fun to look at, with creepy blinking animations (those vertical eyelids!) and showing his head and neck contorting around unnaturally. 

Lille is able to track Kyoraku as he hides behind towers, alternating between praising his capabilities as Captain-Commander and also calling him sinful. We get an interesting sequence as Katen tells Kyoraku that she could take him to safety, since not even their Bankai was able to stop Lille Barro. It is a nice moment, but Katen's voice gets overlaid with Nanao, yelling at him to wake up. Kyoraku is happy that Nanao wasn't caught up in his Bankai, but then Nanao yells at Kyoraku to give her Zanpakuto to her and that this was no time for keeping the promise that Kyoraku made with her mother. 

Lille appears again and rants about sin and unleashes another blast of energy... but Kyoraku and Nanao disappear before him. We get a very cool visual shot of Lille's shadow being cast on the tower behind him... and then we cut to the shadow dimension of that Kyoraku can access with Katen Kyokotsu's Kageoni ability. This is very cool! Kyoraku is both impressed and a bit exasperated that Nanao 'knew all along' about her mother, and then summons the sword spirit of Kyokotsu to give Nanao her sword. Turns out that Katen 'gave birth to Kyokotsu' to keep Nanao's sword hidden, and Kyokotsu reaches into the negative space made by her ninja mask to draw out Nanao's blade. 

While this is going on, we get a rather well-animated sequence of Lille's owl head morphing and warbling into a gigantic radar disc. This looks so much better in the anime since it's a bit clearer what is going on, and having Lille's eyes actually visible move around the head like fishes in a pond is a nice visual effect. The subsequent visuals of the giant radar-dish head scrunching up and being compressed down back into an owl head is also quite neat. 

Lille realizes that Kyoraku is using Kageoni to hide, and explodes a ball of light to erase his shadow from the ground... only for Nanao to appear from the shadow cast by his beak on his face -- which, by the way, was a piece of action that I've only 'got' while watching the episode. 

At this point, we flash back to Kyoraku explaining to Nanao everything about the Ise clan. Which, again, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but... none of these is foreshadowed or really had any tie-ins to other aspects of Soul Society's backstory. Turns out that the Ise Clan is matri-lineal, all the children have been born female, and all the men that married into the clan died from an 'Ise Curse'. Nanao's mother instead married into the Kyoraku family -- which would end the Ise name -- but turns out that Shunzan died anyway. Isuzu was taken back by the Ise clan, but before that happens, she approached Shunsui and gave him their family sword and begs him to keep it hidden... because she wants to keep her daughter away from the curse. 

(Oh, and a 'family sword' exists for the Ise clan, something that flies a bit in a bit of a conflict with all the talk about Asauchi and Zanpakuto that we learned earlier this arc. It's not irreconcilable to be an actual plot hole, but it's still annoying that this wasn't explained in any detail.)

Oh, yeah, this also the big revelation that Nanao is actually Kyoraku's niece, something that is kind of glossed over in all this revelation about the trauma in Kyoraku's life. It is kind of interesting that Nanao didn't react too much to this, but I suppose she did figure out the relationship that Kyoraku had with her prior to all of this happening. 

Nanao also confronts Kyoraku on his decision to hide the sword, and... it's not really brought up a lot in this fight, but Kyoraku does have a habit of getting Nanao out of the way of a fight. Kyoraku protected her from Yamamoto's aura back in Soul Society, and she wasn't present in any of the Arrancar/Aizen conflict, and even earlier in the fight against Lille, Kyoraku got her out of the way. But Nanao's grown up to be an adult and she has decided to 'accept the curse', whatever it may be... and we get a sweet line as Nanao mentions that 'the man she admires' would laugh off something like a curse to be ridiculous. 

We then cut back to the fight as Nanao reveals the Shinken Hakkyoken, who we learn via flashback exposition that the Shinken Hakkyoken is a ritual sword passed down the Ise Clan. It's a bladeless sword that is used for rituals, and has the bizarre ability that allows its wielder to 'disperse the power of a god' via mirrors embedded along the length of the sword. 

Again, I hope cour four gives us some tie-in between the Shinken Hakkyoken and the ancient times that led to the dismemberment of the Soul King or something, because this is just a random power that honestly came out of nowhere and is so convenient that Lille Barro is a god-like being that is made up of light. 

Lille comments that she can't see the blade since it reflects his light so much, and mocks it. Nanao explains that it reflects the power of the gods, and Lille muses that he doesn't mind being called a god. (This, by the way, would be something interesting if Lille's character goes from being god's most loyal worshipper to having a blasphemous god complex, but nothing so interesting happens). 

We then get another flashback to Isuzu giving Shunsui the Shinken Hakkyoken... but unseen by either adult is that little Nanao (who was born and raised after Isuzu was 'taken back' into the walls of the Ise household) is lurking and listening from a nearby wall. We get an explanation of Nanao's subsequent shinigami career -- she was also raised by distant relatives and not in the main household at some point. The young Nanao recognizes the Captain of the Eighth Division having a similar kimono and hairpins to what her mother used to wear. Nanao would find herself being unable to imprint upon an Asauchi. The official word was that her kido talents were exceptional enough for her to bypass this... but instead of the logical Kido Corps, Nanao was instead assigned to the Eighth Division. 

And we get to see Kyoraku addressing the new batch of his Eighth Division members, with his light-hearted jokes about how he's always going to take it easy with the ladies in his Division. However, Nanao realizes that Kyoraku switched out his kimono and hairpins, confirming her suspicion that he was, indeed, the mysterious man that her mother entrusted something precious towards. 

Cutting back to the present day, Nanao attacks with Shinken Hakkyoken. Lille mocks her, but then blocks the strike at the last minute with his left arm. Nanao's god-cutting sword proves able to cut through Lille's arm and it erupts in energy. Lille is surprised, but then comments that it's useless now that Nanao's shown her ability. We get a bit of an extended monologue from Nanao about how scary it is to be fighting with a sword, and how unused she is to being both injured and to be swinging a blade... which I really do find hard to believe since Nanao is a Vice Captain and has been in combat even if it's fighting with Kido before. 

While all of this is going on, Kyoraku gets a flashback to a time shortly after his last meeting with Isuzu. We get to see Ukitake telling Kyoraku that Isuzu was executed by Central 46 for misplacing a sacred treasure. (This also explains Kyoraku's disdain of Central 46 in the present day, I suppose) Kyoraku plays it off as nothing major to Ukitake, but gets pissed off and morose as he walks away. With his brother and sister-in-law all entrusting him with precious possessions before their deaths, in the present day Kyoraku muses how heavy it has been carrying all this burden with him, and Nanao's taken the burden away from him somewhat. 

All of this culminates with Kyoraku bursting out of Kageoni behind a trembling Nanao, and places his hands over hers, calming her down. Nanao reflects on how Kyoraku has always supported her throughout her life. Lille prepares for his final attack, the Trompete (based on the angels from the Book of Revelation), and unleashes a gigantic light beam... and as Lille looks down, he finds a line that begins to cut his strange form in half, which is a trippy visual effect. As cracks form across his body, Lille lets out one last 'sinful' remark before he explodes into a shower of golden energy and feathers that rain down from the sky. 

And as Sternritter "X", Lille Barro, shatters, Nanao also slips and falls from the blood dripping from her wound. Kyoraku catches her and sets her down, and is about to go off and join the battle before also collapsing into a sitting position himself. This is it for Kyoraku and Nanao, and for two of the Schutzstaffel-vs-Shinigami fights. 

And... yeah. It's still an entertaining episode to watch if nothing else because of the fun adaptation and the showcase of effects. But as my long ramble at the beginning of this review makes clear, I'm not impressed by either the handling of Lille Barro as an antagonist, or by everything surrounding Shinken Hakkyoken. I would still praise this storyline for giving us a nice backstory for Kyoraku and for giving us a nice resolution for the Kyoraku/Nanao relationship and the evolution of Kyoraku's protectiveness of his niece... but overall while there are a lot of fun action setpieces, I've always found this to be one of the narratively weaker fights in Bleach overall. 

Random Notes:

• "Shadows Gone" is the only episode in TYBW so far to have an anime-original title. The manga's arc title would be "The Theater Suicide", which would've worked better for the first Lille/Kyoraku fight. 
  
• 
  It really is unfortunate that Shinken Hakkyoken had absolutely no foreshadowing prior to this episode. Even some lines of dialogue on Nanao's part in the first Kyoraku/Lille episode would've gone a long way here! It's kind of weird since Mayuri being able to modify his Bankai actually got an anime-exclusive foreshadowing. Even giving an equivalent to the "Nemu looks at Mayuri mysteriously" scenes on the first part of their fight. 
• Shunsui's brother (Kyoraku Shunzan) and sister-in-law (Ise Isuzu) are unnamed in the manga, and are only given names thanks to this episode's credits sequence.
• Between Lille's gigantic beams and bombardment (that last Trompete attack vaporized almost half of one of the outer cities!), and Gerald Valkyrie about to go full-on giant-sized in the next couple of episodes, it is kind of funny that the most property damage done to Juhabach's oh-so-sacred holy realm is done by his own Quincies. 
• I do wonder what Katen taking Kyoraku away to safety entails? I don't think that Zanpakuto Spirits could actually influence the world around them. Unless Katen is able to do some kind of possession the way that White!Zangetsu took over Ichigo's body whenever he goes into Hollow form? 
• Actually, how did Nanao not get caught up in Kyoraku's Bankai? Was she just out of reach of the effects of Karamatsu Shinju from reaching her, and she just ran really fast afterwards to reach Kyoraku's position? 
• Back in the day, one of the chapter cliffhangers was Kyoraku about to give Nanao her sword, and Kyokotsu's spirit appearing behind her -- with the implication that the younger Kyokotsu is Nanao's Zanpakuto. Which I remembered spawned a lot of theories and ended up being kind of a huge cocktease since Kyokotsu was merely hiding Nanao's sword. 
• Another common theory back at the time was that Kyoraku lost his wife and daughter (hence the appearances of Katen and Kyokotsu) and that's the reason he's wearing a woman's kimono. Not quite the family members that he lost. 
• I do like that the narrative keeps it ambiguous on whether Shunzan died because of an Ise Curse (or if there is an Ise Curse) or if it's simply just the hazardous occupation of being a member of the Gotei 13 that got him. 
• I also really like the detail that when Nanao's in the academy, all the students are enamoured by Aizen but they find Shinji weird.
• So if Kyoraku took off the kimono and hairpins to not cause suspicion in Nanao, why is he wearing it again in all subsequent appearances? 
• No mention of Kyoraku also losing Lisa, Ukitake and Yamamoto? I thought the anime would pounce on at least showing some flashes of their deaths even if they don't add any extra dialogue. 

Reviewing Monsters: Elden Ring, Part 3

Anyway, more monsters! Some of these I actually found while doing the 'part 2' article, but I moved them here so that one didn't go too long. 

I've done a bunch of stuff, and... I love this game to bits, but it really would benefit from a less 'yolo, figure things out' quest system. Like... I thought a lot of the stuff with Melina, Ranni and the Roundtable Hold was pretty well done. Not hand-holding a lot but not out-of-the-way to confuse you. But man, after finding several NPC's that are clearly there to teach other classes (the Faith spell vendor in the Hold; the Skills vendor in one of the shacks...) it's a bit unfair that Sorceress Sellen, the lady who sells Glintstone spells and who allows me to even read the Glintstone spell scrolls I have, is in a rather out-of-the-way part of Limgrave where I have to kill a bunch of flowers... then find the secret stairways into the cellar... then beat another boss... then realize that there's a door at the back-end of that room. It's easy once you know what to do, but it's so easy to miss her!

And the extra spells like the Carian Slicer did finally give me the extra oomph for me to beat Margit, meaning that I can slowly explore Stormveil Castle, the first "legacy dungeon", as the game calls it. I still alternate between going into Stormveil and running around the overworld, though it is nice to know that I'm making progress in the main story!

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled monster reviews!

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Skeletal Slime

We'll start off with some overworld enemies before we go to Stormveil Castle. And... okay, so basically the game's basic 'slime' enemy is... the Skeletal Slime here, who's just a mass of viscera and bones. It's actually a bit hard to tell what's going on here without knowing the name. It's actually surprising that the game designers didn't actually make the 'skeletal' part a bit more obvious like having a skull (or several skulls) be a bit more prominently displayed... but I guess it is just a mass of rot and clump. 

While visually not the most interesting, and gameplay wise I think they're there just to be annoying (they're not strong, they just absorb damage a lot) I do like the flavour of this one... the idea that necromancy doesn't just bring back whole zombies and skeletons, but sometimes just... just this butcher-shop... slop of nothing but gunk, yeah? A bunch of indistinguishable meat-blobs and random bones sticking out here and there... with the amount of people that die in the Lands Between, you can see how some of the undead that manifest would take this form. 

And from a gamer perspective? I find it cute that we have a traditional 'slime' enemy but done a bit differently. 

Miranda Sprout

Bizarre-looking flowers, aren't they? They're also deadly. I took them to be part of the surroundings, just... just a nice part of foliage, y'know? They dealt me the most humiliating death I've gotten so far. It's not even the big boss version that I'll cover shortly after this. It's these roughly child-sized flowers with nice pink petals and very visible plant anatomy... my botany isn't good enough to identify flowers, I'm afraid, but I do know that this guy's got stamens, and they also kinda remind me of like snail eyes or something. 

I do like that they resisted the urge to make this an obvious venus flytrap or some kind of a humanoid plant-man. No, it's just a big flower that actually does look rooted to the spot. Those roots actually wiggle around and allow the Miranda Sprout to move like the Pokemon Bellsprout, which is adorable. Speaking of Pokemon, these Miranda Sprouts are also extremely weak to fire magic, which will stun the plants and destroy the spores. 

Giant Miranda Sprout

The Giant Miranda Sprout is a fair bit bigger than its tiny buddies (you can see the regular Miranda sprouts near the roots of the one in this picture) and... it's still ultimately a big flower. There are some growths that might be intended to be teeth, and the pistil looks a bit mutated, like a fungal growth is growing out of it... but it's still just a flower. It's not mutated into a plant-animal monster like a Carnivine or a Audrey II or a Sarlacc! It's still a big, fat flower that shoots out clouds of poison.

...and orbital laser beam barrages. I'm not shitting you. I really was bamboozled by this one. Again, I was attacking the giant poison flower from afar after being screwed over by its younger cousins, but then it extends its stalk to lift the flower into the sky... and then a rain of heavenly white laser beams rains down from the sky. 

I mean, sure, why the fuck not? If I can believe that Grass-type Pokemon can launch Solarbeam, why not this girl, right? Though honestly, considering how the ever-present giant glowing Erdtree is basically god in this setting, it actually doesn't feel too far-fetched that 'plant magic' in this setting translates roughly to 'light magic' as well. 

Commoner

Okay, technically I have to beat up Margit (who I've mentioned many times now) before I can enter the first 'true' dungeon of the game, Stormveil Castle, who is ruled by the mighty demigod, Godrick the Grafted, infamous throughout the lands of Limgrave for his deviant acts of grafting, which means that I was anticipating a whole Resident Evil, Frankenstein's Monster level of body horror. 

...instead, we just get... humanoid enemies? Huh? Newer ones, sure, but the 'Commoner' here is really not that different from the 'Wandering Noble' enemies other than the shackles around their neck. Sure, a different kind of raggedy cursed human, I admit. Some are assholes who throw fire grenades to blow up explosive barrels. It's rather surprising that all the Commoners in Limgrave seem to be in Stormveil Castle, while only soldiers and nobles wander the overworld.  

Exile Soldier

Apparently, Godrick didn't care for the knights running around in tabards to guard his castle. Instead, these Exile Soldiers wearing a different set of armour and red hoods form the bulk of the soldiers in Stormveil Castle. I thought that maybe we'll get something cool with them, maybe these guys are grafted with Godrick... maybe if not visually, then maybe some abilities, like, maybe they can sprout extra limbs or something... no? 

Oh, wait, we've got these thorns running up their shields and leg armour and we've got thorns all around the castle! Aha! We established that the Erdtree magic has something to do with plants, maybe these guys have something related to plants and... huh? No? They just... shoot crossbows? Wow, Godrick, your soldiers are lame. 

These guys are 'soldiers sent to penal colonies', which... at this point, feels like it's a distinction without a difference from the lore given to me about the Wandering Nobles, except these guys get to run around in hoods and swing axes in the castle. 

Banished Knight

One of the stronger 'common' enemies in Stormveil Castle are these guys in full-plate armour. I respect them, and they are just the right amount of difficult to get me to tense up and get ready to throw down whenever I spy them. There's even one that ambushes you in a locked, dark room. It's a bit hard to tell, but there are several different helmet variations, too. Their lore is... they're 'knights sent to the fringes, where they were forced to start anew'. Because they're not as much losers as the other vagabonds sent to the Lands Between, they can still remain knights. They can create giant whirlwind shockwaves and there's a variant that breathes fire. Okay, neat. 

And... they're cool, but they're still just regular knights. I don't mind humanoid enemies, I really don't, but you can't really build up someone called "Godrick the Grafted" and not deliver with his minions! 

What's a bit surprising is that we don't even get to see some of the creepier enemies in Stormveil Castle. Not the Skeletal Slimes, not the Pumpkin Heads (apparently Godrick wasn't responsible for fusing pumpkins onto people's heads), not the Trolls (in fact, the only Trolls we see are hung upside-down)... just knights and hooded mercenaries. 

Warhawk

All right, at least something that is 'grafted'! The Warhawks are giant eagles that... have... fucking swords grafted in the place of their talons. You know what? That loops around into being so ridiculous, I actually appreciate the game designers for doing it. It's both whimsical and would've been a nice little 'oh, that's cute, Godrick also did that?' if the rest of the dungeon actually had some body horror enemies. 

The Warhawks, despite their goofy-looking appearances, hit hard, hit fast, and are gigantic assholes who can somehow perch with those giant samurai katana attached onto their feet. HOW DO YOU PERCH, HAWKS? To make things worse, these yahoos are intelligent enough to actually pick up explosive barrels and chuck them at you like a goddamn grenade. I would've been impressed if I wasn't so mad!

A stronger black-feathered variant also has a mask, and the mask has a pokey blade pointing out of it. I remember him, because he was hiding under a ledge ready to impale me as I jumped down off that ledge to try and progress. I like the Warhawks. 

 

Stray

Not exclusively found in Stormveil, but also showing up in some exterior parts of the castle (in particular a large clearing with a pile of dead corpses) are Strays, which basically behave similarly to the Wolves and Dogs. But where the dog looked rabid and diseased, the Stray model here just looks... rabid, diseased, and dead. Look at how its torso is basically already showing muscles anad ribcages underneath, and I don't think it's even got an abdomen left. This thing looks like a nasty undead dog, and I think they might've gotten transformed from feeding on the nasty corpses all around the castle. 

Grafted Scion

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, now that's a 'grafted' creature for you. The Grafted Scion is actually a monster we meet in the prologue, where it drops out of the sky and kills you, right before you wake up in what's basically the tutorial cave. I think having seen what a 'Grafted' monster looks like, I was expecting milder versions of the Grafted Scion to show up as Godrick's minions. 

The Grafted Scion reappears again, in perhaps one of the few genuinely nightmarish parts of Stormveil's Castle -- a giant dining room with severed limbs hanging down from the ceiling as if they were chandeliers. This giant Grafted Scion just scuttles around, making large noises that you can hear from elsewhere in the castle, and you even meet a poor near-victim of the grafting process, a poor traumatized lady called Roderika whose entire squadron was grafted and 'fused into the spider'. Turns out that this is the spider.

And it's just an amalgamation of many limbs! It's just scuttling around, this giant mass of meat and corpses, on a dozen human-sized arms... as well as some arms that are multiple human arms merged together. There's also a random bird wing stuck onto it. But I think the creepiest thing here is the contrast between the Resident Evil anatomy horror show and the fact that the main 'face' of the Spider is... a youngish-looking child, who was grafted mostly with an intact upper body and merged into this amalgamation of nasty limbs.

The end result does really look quite nasty and visually impressive, and I love that while there's a clear 'head', there's not a clear set of 'main' legs, which makes the whole thing look extra creepy. It just mostly makes use of its size and the swords it's holding in its massive hands... and honestly, while the initial encounter in the prologue was pretty terrifying, the actual Scion I meet in the Stormveil Castle felt quite... pathetic. It just wanders around and it's so stupid that you can sneak past him many times. And even if you do fight him, he's trapped inside the big building he's in, so you can really cheese him by shooting him from outside the door he's too big to get through, or use it as a way for him to 'cool his aggro', so to speak. Ultimately the Grafted Scion is just a mass of victims grafted together by Godrick, so we're essentially just mercy-killing this poor thing. 

People who are able to peek and inspect the model find out much more horrid moulded detail that you can see here, including features you wouldn't be able to see normally like feathers and multiple spines fused together to form this creature's 'main body'. It is pretty nasty-looking, even if you don't really get to see any of these in the game itself!

Margit the Fell Omen

And Margit here is our first boss in the game's main story, blocking the way to enter Stormveil Castle. He's a pre-dungeon boss fight, and honestly a fair bit harder than most of the dungeon's actual content. 

After an epic speech, Margit engages you in an epic battle above the bridge where he literally gatekeeps weaker players from getting past him. Expect 'YOU DIED' to show up multiple times as you challenge this guy, and expect to listen to him yell "put this foolish ambitions to rest" a whole lot of times. As a complete beginner to this whole 'SoulsBorne' genre, I actually do think Margit is a perfectly nice and challenging boss fight when I stumbled upon him -- it's clear that he's hard, and I can't beat him right now... but I can beat him with a bit more skill in dodging, in attack pattern observation, and maybe some better gear. It's nice. And it's a nice way to show that the game is not intended to be speedran, at least not without some skill in the genre. Go around and explore the big open world game you paid for, dummy, instead of rushing through the dungeons! 

It's not that easy to get a nice, clean screenshot of Margit since all of these bosses move around a lot, but Margit is a cloaked, humanoid figure with a massive knotted cane, and a giant scorpion-esque tail bursting out of the back. His face and eyelids are encrusted with some kind of... coral? Is that coral? Writhing worms? It's a bit hard to tell, honestly, and that's not taking into account him jumping around and trying to murder you with his stick and his magic glowing knives. 

He is a pretty impressive setpiece visually. There is some lore about 'Omens' that I don't want to read yet. But I do like the fact that this ragged, weakened-looking demigod looks more like a wanderer but actually is a very powerful threat. But how does he fare as a monster? My verdict is... he's all right. How he made me feel and the epic music and voice-acting and the presentation and role of him as the beefgate boss is certainly impressive. We haven't really seen the last of him yet, based on his taunt after defeating him. But at the end of the day, he is just a giant guy with some growths on his head and a giant scorpion tail. That's pretty cool, but that's also pretty 'first boss of the game' material, y'know?

I can't really complain, at the end of the day, not when I feel like Margit and I have a fair bit of kinhsip after how many times we keep bumping into each other. I'd spend all my runes on upgrades, I'd run in, I'd test Margit out, over and over again, until I finally went in a run where I finally felled him. It was satisfying.