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And maybe it's my own dislike for the rather unenthusiastic name of "The Dark", but more so than any other expansion, I think, The Dark really doesn't have anything that makes me feel like it's anything but just a bunch of cards thrown together that honestly feel like they're just cards that never made it into previous or subsequent expansions. Which is why we're going to actually breeze through this expansion pretty quickly.
While all that story seems to imply that a huge theme is going to be about darkness enveloping the land and a religious war of sorts, the actual cards are actually far more mundane. We do get some neat-looking Black monsters, though, like Grave Robbers here, who, despite the artwork implying that they're alive, are actually Zombies according to the creature-type-update. Grave Robbers are a fun little trope in gothic-horror settings, and it's neat!
And... hoo, boy, we actually do have so many variations of the common "ghost", huh? With or without bones, on the top of my head, we have specter, ghast, poltergeist, shade, revenants, spirits... and, of course, we have the Banshee. This is actually a pretty bland-looking Banshee, but a cloaked figure whose only feature you can see are two glowing red eyes is still pretty badass-looking. In future M:TG review segments, I will probably be starting to skip through most of these, but I guess we can do some here.
Man, for a mere 1/1 and a tiny imp, Bog Imp does actually get a pretty badass-looking artwork with blood-covered limbs. He actually looks like a version of H.R. Giger's Xenomorph if it went to the gym instead of stalking space marines.
Perhaps less fantastical are the Bog Rats, and this is the return of rats after "Plague Rats" back in the original set. Rats are actually a very appropriate beast to give to Black, being nasty disease-carriers, and I do like that Bog Rats here has the hilarious ability of being able to attack through walls. Of course -- rats can get into your house!
Frankenstein's Monster is a fun little reference to the classic horror novel, but I also do appreciate that the card art isn't just copying the 'classic' feel of the 1931 movie, and instead opts for a more grisly artwork. It's got a pretty fun effect, too, simulating you actually 'building' this patchwork zombie from creatures you have in the graveyard.
Rag Man is a pretty interesting creature, and the idea of some dude with overly long arms and fingers dressed in rags, but with the ability to seriously harm you, is a fun little trope. Rag Man's artwork is pretty neat, too, and I absolutely love the flavour text trying to tempt fate and going "aw, he's just a silly dirty little man".
Eater of the Dead initially looks like a pretty generic horned humanoid demon, with a monstrous dog's muzzle to shake things up a little... but then I realized he's got fucking eyeballs on his shoulders, and that's pretty neat. Nameless Race is actually a pretty boring artwork, basically being two naked Prince Zukos with topknots... but when the grand creature update happened, Nameless Race is one of the sparse handful of cards to actually end up with no race, straight up making it a pretty unique creature. It's otherwise pretty boring, though.
Who is Uncle Istvan, and whose uncle is this? Interestingly, despite having introduced the whole 'legendary' deal to represent actual, named people, Uncle Istvan is just considered a generic, common card, so it implies that there are multiples of crazy hermits called Uncle Istvan in Dominaria.
Oh, shit, I absolutely love the artwork for Worms of the Earth. Giant worms burrowing under the earth has been a pretty great fantasy feature, and I do love how the artwork depicts some poor schmuck bent over digging a hole or something, and the very tip of a worm's... head? Tail? is reaching out to presumably drag the poor fool to his doom. But best of all is the artwork cutting away the crust of the earth to show just how many of these gigantic, undulating annelids squirming as a huge mass underground. Hell, even its effect is interesting -- Worms of the Earth prevents anyone from playing lands, and will keep dealing damage until one of the two players destroys the worms by... blowing up two the lands he controls. Only with actually destroying the lands themselves can you get rid of the Worms of the Earth!
Going with the worm (well, wurm) theme, is Water Wurm, who is a pretty neat little drawing of a segmented, aquatic worm. It's pretty gross-looking, which is the goal of any worm monster, really.
Oh, shit, this is a cool motherfucker. Leviathan is one of the bigger creatures in M:TG, who very rarely break double digits. Leviathan is a massive 10/10, and judging by stats alone, that makes him theoretically more powerful than even the Elder Dragons we saw in the previous expansion. Of course, the actual Leviathan card is pretty difficult to use, requiring the sacrifice of multiple Island land cards to even attack and untap. But what a massive beast, though! It's this giant, almost formless worm-like/eel-like beast seemingly made entirely out of something coloured like water (and I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a massive water beast), with a gaping mouth like a massive basking shark. And for the longest time, I thought that just like the mythological beast it's based on, the Leviathan's just a massive underwater whale-eel-serpent, but apparently it's floating in the air, ready to chomp down on that one random abbey. Pretty awesome looking beast!
MIND BOMB! My favourite card on this page, no questions asked. It's a bomb made entirely up of a psychic brain, and somehow it has shell casings that split open like old-timey bombs. What are those missile shell casings made up of? Skull material? Or just coconut bark? Still, you have some absolutely creative Blue Mage lobbing psychic brain missiles at people. That is just... awesome.
I don't actually have a whole ton to talk about Blue in this expansion. There's a lot of neat fishes and neat water-themed spells, but, again, we're sort of trying to rush things to get to Fallen Empires. A couple of Blue's sorceries and enchantments stand out to me, though. That is such an interesting artwork to depict someone with Amnesia, with a literal hole in his head and a vacant, drooling expression. Meanwhile, apparently in M:TG, Psychic Allergies are a thing, and that is one hell of a nasty reaction Timmy has to what appears to be... a giant, magical coin?
Green, now, and after being missing for a bit, we're starting to see the return of elves into Green. Savaen Elves and Elves of Deep Shadow aren't super-interesting, but apparently a small theme in "The Dark" set is that White is abandoned by its "ally" colours, Green and Blue, and it's portrayed here by a Green card,Eva Green Elves of Deep Shadow, supporting Black instead. I haven't really paid much attention to the whole "colour ally/enemy" thing, but it's at least neat that even if the expansion didn't have much in lieu of a story told via flavour texts or whatever, we do get some mechanical nods to it.
Oh, hey, it's another hag! Scarwood Hag is pretty horrifying-looking, and I would absolutely be really scared of seeing that face rising ominously out of the water of some marsh lake.
The Lurker (it's considered a 'Beast') is a more typical sort of sasquatch-y forest beast, a giant muscular humanoid with claws that hunts down people while making use of its ability to hide in the jungle, but I really do like that horrifying face they gave him. Especially the mouth, which seems to be held together by stringy tendrils.
Niall Silvain is another card that really feels like it should be a legendary card, considering how it's an actual name and the flavour text does speak about how "this is his domain". He's retroactively our first representative of the 'ouphe' race, sort of a more 'tricksters and man of the forest' type of fae compared to the more Tolkien-y elves or the more Midsummer's Night fairies. Certainly looks like an untrustworthy sort, that Niall Silvain.
A Carnivorous Plant looking like the classic Audrey II or Piranha Plant is sort of obligatory in any fantasy setting, but I really do like the artwork of this really trying to sell the Carnivorous Plant's closed maw disguised against the brambles of wood and leaves. I also find it utterly interesting that Carnivorous Plant is, in fact, a Wall. A plant wall in subsequent revisions, but I do find it fun that being a Wall, the Carnivorous Plant can't attack, since it lies in wait for its enemies. But when you block an enemy attack with the Carnivorous Plant, unlike most walls, it can actually do a significant amount of damage!
Wormwood Treefolk is a more badass looking treefolk, looking a lot more like the Ancients from Warcraft than the more comedic looking "draw a face on a tree" treefolks we've seen in the past. It's a pretty nasty-looking giant face with gangly arms and trunk-like feet, and it's one of the few "traitor" Green cards. While the actual Wormwood tree is actually a very important and beneficial plant for medicine, I'm actually somewhat curious how an off-handed mention in the Bible of Wormwood being a fallen star has caused "wormwood" to be associated with more sinister things.
We have a couple of ickier-looking invertebrates! Representing the Hirudenea class of worms are the leeches, with their first M:TG representative in Land Leeches. Which... which other than being a black, segmented worm, doesn't actually look like a proper leech. It's missing the sucker, as well as being somewhat more flat, but it's the thought that counts, right? Leeches would be a tribe that is shared between green and black, and it's certainly appropriate, considering leeches are both disease-spreading ecto-parasites while also being used for traditional medicine. (Also, if there isn't a monster in M:TG's history that makes a pun between leech and lich, I will lose faith in the brand's creative team.)
Spitting Slug is... wow, it's a different sort of grotesqueness compared to the Giant Slug we saw in an earlier expansion, huh? Look at this thing! It looks like it's in its last throes, with its body being bunched up into two hunchback-esque blobs, with one of its eyestalks apparently chopped off, and it's just constantly vomiting slug-spew. Poor Spitting Slug, take some antacid!
Ah, here we go, with Red's entire set in this expansion being made up of goblins! The first one here, Goblins of the Flarg -- aren't super exciting, perhaps, but I do like the fact that the Goblins of the Flarg inexplicably has some samurai-esque armour while all other goblins have more tribal looks. Meanwhile, Goblin Hero interestingly looks nothing like any of the other previously-seen goblins, looking more like some sort of bizarre, hideously mutated albino horse-ape-man. A pretty grotesque-looking one that definitely feels like the 'boss' of these nasty goblins by virtue of looking so damn different.
Interestingly, two of the three multi-coloured cards included in this set are both goblins, with Marsh Goblins being Red/Black and looking like a naked chalk-skinned dude hanging on some vines. It does show that the goblins apparently have a fair amount of sub-races, and Marshy here is apparently shunned by most goblin races, probably because it runs around nude and shows off its goblin wang to everyone.
Scarwood Goblins are Green/Red, and looks far more primal, with those nasty-ass fangs and a general look that brings to mind the trolls from Warcraft, sans tusks. I really do think those dead fish-eyes are what sells this as being so much more impressive than your average 'blin.
These two are two of my favourites, being just utterly funny. Goblin Digging Team's artwork is kind of serious, showing a mining team of goblins being caught in a cave-in... but the flavour text is just some fun bit of black comedy. Meanwhile, Goblin Rock Sled is... it's just utterly hilarious, with that goblin wearing a funny little red cap, snow goggles, and apparently spends its time just zooming around on a sled. Sort of feels like it's probably a card that would feel more at home in the Ice Age expansion, but I've established how pretty poorly-themed The Dark ended up feeling.
The other two neat-looking creatures in Red in this expansion is Fire Drake, which is... kind of another drake, but one with a pretty cool-looking pose. Ball Lightning is a pretty fun creature concept, and I do like how it's given to Red, who tends to be associated with lightning spells.
As usual, White doesn't really give much for me to talk about, but we do have a couple of cards that I found pretty interesting thanks to their names. Preacher and Witch Hunter are two minions that are just kind of humans doing human things, but I do like how it sort of highlights the darker shades of religion. Witch Hunter being, well, obviously based on the more barbaric and xenophobic witch-hunts of the past, while that Preacher is a starkly different-looking man compared to White's normal holy-looking, peaceful-looking priests. Instead, this Preacher, based on his effects, is the sort that really vehemently try to convert people in ways that might not be entirely moral.
Also, Preacherman over there apparently somehow manages to get his hands on relatively modern clothing. Where in the realm of Dominaria sells these fancy suits?
I'm actually disappointed that White doesn't play into the witch-hunting theme a bit more considering how the theme of the block is meant to be discrimination against magic-users, but Angry Mob here is a pretty fun card that, again, while not entirely traditionally White, works well with the vehement, religiously-racist theme. The fact that it has the Trample effect, as well as becoming stronger the more black-coloured swamps the enemy has actually is a neat way of showing just how much mobs are riled up by even more of the things they hate.
The Dark has a pretty significant amount of boring Land and Artifact cards, but two in particular stand out. Maze of Ith just looks utterly bizarre, and it looks like some sort of giant... brain-intestine-tumour thing? The fact that it's apparently a labyrinth makes it even more bizarre. Just what is this? Some gigantic organism that is titanic enough that people can walk inside it? Or just a particularly nasty creation of a demented wizard?
Scarecrows, meanwhile, are one of my favourite horror monsters, and I do love that they're initially introduced as a sub-group of Artifact creatures. It'll receive its own race, and a couple of expansions would even introduce multiple, awesome-looking variations. Until then, though, we get this pretty basic-looking mugshot of a patchwork scarecrow with a pretty chilling flavour text. And the artwork does really sell that those button eyes are pretty scary for "something that had never known life".
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Fallen Empires, notably, is also a set that features multiple variants of some common cards, commissioning three to four pieces of artworks for some cards (this practice has previously only been seen for the Land cards)... a practice that, for better or for worse, would be abandoned after Fallen Empires.
Also, throughout the past five expansions and the original M:TG, Fallen Empires puts a significant focus on actual storytelling instead of just building up a fantasy setting, which is why... we're going to talk way more about Fallen Empires cards. Sadly, though, Fallen Empires isn't one of the better-received sets in early magic, due to the weak-for-the-meta cards, which made the Fallen Empires set kind of underperform and be received poorly by the fandom. Shame.
So, here are our first cards from Fallen Empires, and it's the kingdom for Black, the Order of the Ebon Hand. And, as mentioned before, the exact same card here has three different artworks -- many cards in this expansion have two to three different art variations, and whenever possible, I'll group them all in a set.
I do find it pretty interesting, though, that they take this chance to give different versions of the card different flavour text. None of the ones here are particularly interesting, but all of them end up painting an evil cult of sorts, which is neat! Also like the fact that the left-most version of the Ebon Hand cleric is actually a centaur.
The three variations of Initiates of the Ebon Hand are... pretty interesting. The left-most variant in this set is probably the most boring, just an evil cultist lady rising her daggers up, and I feel there's a huge misconnect between the lore that talks about self-mutilation in sacrificing an arm, and an artwork that clearly shows a two-armed cultist.
The second Initiate here is a lot more interesting, being just a turbaned dude... if not for the big, fleshy sleepy eyeball on his chest. And the third one is just a bunch of malformed humanoids with a flavour text that talks about how "non-human races" had special talents that could be exploited. Was Centaur-boy from the "Order of the Ebon Hand" card being exploited? Poor Centaur-boy!
We have a couple of extra Ebon Hand cards that I have booted down to the post-script segment, but basically, all you need to know is that the Ebon Hand engaged in a lot of sacrifices, and to this end, they created an entirely new race, the Thrulls (presumably named after the word 'thrall'). And these make up the bulk of Black's population in Fallen Empires, and, well, a little spoiler alert? I really like these malformed abominations. And the artists really went to town in trying to make the Thrulls look as different and as grotesque as possible.
The first Basal Thrull we're talking about is almost humanoid, but with her body contorted into some twisted Exorcist-style crabwalking. The grotesquely long legs, arms and fingers, as well as that completely insane-looking expression, really sell that these Basal Thrulls are not exactly in the most sane of mind. We get to learn that the Thrulls are "bred for sacrifice", and like any science/magic experiment exploited by humanity in a fictional setting, they would turn on their masters and wipe out the Order of the Ebon Hand. We have our first 'fallen empire', folks!
The second Basal Thrull here is a lot more serious looking, and while we see only its face, the combination of bandages, weird worm-like attachments, a positively tortured-looking eye and mismatched jaws really sell the whole "failed science experiment" deal. The flavour text for Basal Thrull #2 actually notes that Endrek Sahr, the wizard that is behind all of these thrulls, actually makes it a point to make the thrulls as grotesque and twisted as possible to inspire fear and revulsion.
Basal Thrull #3 here is a far more abstract-looking creature, and it took me a while to realize that the Thrull is the green blood with barely-visible features. The flavour text implies that this might be one of the first variations of thrulls created. I really do like how the actual mechanics of the card sell the fact that these thrulls are created for the purpose of sacrifice, with the Basal Thrull's effect allowing you to sacrifice the card for a brief mana advantage.
Basal Thrull #4 is in stark contrast to the creepy, almost haunting #3, featuring a trio of utterly comical-looking dudes, with two humanoid ones, and a third thrull that's just a blob with a hairy eyeball. The center, purple one with three eyes just look so scared! The flavour text implies that these more humanoid, pathetic-looking thrulls are apparently the later models of the basic thrull model. I actually like how they justify the extremely variable versions of thrulls by making them different iterations of a 'product', so to speak.
The second thrull card also exists in four variations, and, well, I'm going to talk about most of them! Armor Thrull is obviously the more bred-to-battle variant, but despite the pretty badass-looking artrwork on the first two Armor Thrulls here, the card effect and flavour text (and the fourth alternate artwork) would show that they are bred just to have their armour harvested to become armour for Ebon Hand members.
Armor Thrull #1 looks pretty badass at a glance, a hunch-backed troll-like monster with massive scalloping scales, but the face it makes is just so dang pathetic as it looks at its incoming fate, while the flavour text makes it clear that, yes, this is basically a being harvested to become +1/+2 armour. Armor Thrull #2 is far more badass-looking, with twisted limbs and a whole fuck-ton of spikes jutting out of his spines and limbs, with a clearly angry expression.
Armor Thrull #3 is pretty neat-ooking in a somewhat pathetic way, with this one apparently crawling on two legs like a more twisted version of Zelda's Dodongo enemies. It's drinking water from what I assume to be sewers, and it does look to be somewhat peaceful, in contrast to all the other thrull cards. Armor Thrull #4 is not a thrull, but one of the Ebon Hand humans wearing a dead thrull, showing just how these beings are utilized by the Ebon Hand. Because the Ebon Hand are right bastards, apparently they even abuse their human members that refuse to wear a corpse as armour.
Thrull Retainer is actually an enchantment, which is kind of bizarre. The flavour text makes more references to the rebellion, and the artwork does show another pretty disgusting, fleshy wretch. That is some pretty grisly detailing with half his face seeming to melt off, and that half-transparent skin showing off the guts weighting down the stomach.
Thrull Champion is the obligatory "buff all similar monsters in combat", and it's a far less of a body-horror creature than Thrull Retainer, being more of a light-hearted creature that still looks like one fucked-up abomination. Four arms, three faces mushed together into one, multiple tongues, and a serpentine lower body? I also love that flavour text.
Thrull Wizard here is probably one of the most badass, scary-looking thrulls out there, and the flavour text tells us that the Thrull Wizard is actually made to be intelligent, to 'assist in sacrifices', and is probably the one that ended up gathering all of his thrull brethren to fuck up the humans. I really love the grisly detailing with the two pairs of creepy eyes, that lipless grin, the corpse-like detailing on the hair, and most appropriately disgusting is the almost subtle neck-collar of gums and fangs. The Thrull Wizard has the ability to counter black spells, which is definitely helpful when you're taking the fight against your Black-magic using masters!
Magic canon has it that when all the five empires of the Sarpadian continent have fallen, it's the thrulls that ended up flourishing and taking over everything.
Derelor sounds like a name, huh? It's apparently just another model of thrull, and it's a bizarre... centaur-thing with the body of a cow, a malformed green upper body with one human-like hand and another that's a tongue-like tentacle. And look at that face, what the shit! It's a creepy-looking face. I love the flavour text telling us that it's a powerful but very energy-wasting beast that was rejected by this Endrek Sahr fellow, and it's even reflected in the effect, causing all Black cards to cost an additional mana point to cast.
The Necrite is another type of Thrull that has three artwork variants, and they're apparently meant to be used in battle. The flavour text for Necrite #1 notes how they are the ones who killed Jherana Rure, a recurring name mentioned in various thrull/Ebon Hand cards as the leader of the Ebon Hand that led the resistance against the thrulls when they rebelled. Necrite #1 would be kind of a boring ghoul-like assassin, but he gets bonus points for having centipedes run around his face.
Necrite #2 looks like the bizarre love-spawn of Venom and a Xenomorph, painted in glorious shades of orange. I relaly love the bizarre tendrils and tentacles that run from her crest-crown thing into his back, and those long claws really look like they can tear your face off. Pretty awesome-looking, and probably one of the most straight-up coolest designs on this page.
Necrite #3 is... it's bizarre and far more abstract, and I kinda get that it's showing a humanoid Necrite killing someone. I do like how the flavour text actually fits with the abstract art, although at the same time, it also feels slightly out of place compared to the two other Necrites.
Breeding Pit is a thrull support card that generates thrull tokens, representing the thrulls reproducing at an alarming rate when they are doing the whole rebellion thing. Pretty neat little enchantment, and a pretty horrifying artwork too -- a Cronenberg-esque mass of fleshy tendrils swirling out of a pit, ending in a sinisterly human-looking upper body. Kerrigan, is that you?
We're almost done with the thrulls, with one last variant to go. Again, with three alternate arts! Mindstab Thrull doesn't quite have any sort of flavour text, but it's meant to be some sort of kamikaze warrior. You can choose to have it attack, and if it can successfully reach the enemy caster, you can choose to have the Mindstab Thrull blow up and force the enemy to discard three cards (which, in Magic terms, is equivalent to losing the memory/ability to cast those spells). Mindstab Thrull #1 is kind of a more ordinary, humanoid ghoul-abomination thing, but that's a well-drawn skull-face.
Mindstab Thrull #2 is... wow, what an utterly bizarre gremlin of a creature he is, huh? Where most other thrulls look like body-horror abominations, Mindstab Thrull #2 here looks far more... natural, I guess? He looks like some sort of short pygmy baby-man, running around carrying a bomb (is that how they do the 'mindstab' thing?), but with the proportions being all wrong. Massively long feet, and that flap of flesh that looks like a cape, but is apparently attached to his cheeks. No wonder those random people in the background are freaked out!
Mindstab Thrull #3 is probably the most disturbing and flat-out scariest card art I've seen in M:TG for a long, long time. Look at it. Just look at it. What the fuck? It's got limbs and a face, but they're all attached in all the wrong ways, and it presumably just scuttles around like some sort of demented, twisted spider creature, with that upper arm apparently having some sort of... lockpick? What is that? That's a far more horrifying way to "mindstab" someone than the bomb one. Jeez. Even looking at this thing just makes me uncomfortable.
"Avatar" is a term that has had different meanings, but in M:TG I think it basically goes back to the whole 'avatar of god' original meaning. And Ebon Praetor here is one of the couple of avatars in this set and... hoo, boy, what an utterly bizarre artwork! The titular Ebon Praetor is presumably the dude in the Alucard-esque wide-brimmed hat presiding over... a court of law? But I really find it bizarre that the two 'guards' holding the accused are a green demon and... a big-ass giant bunny. What? It's just such an utterly bizarre scene, the Ebon Praetor himself is pretty subdued, but the whole thing ends up being just so surreal that it actually is kind of a bizarre creature that is surely affiliated with the Order of the Ebon Hand, but also feels so much like an outside-context problem.
So for Blue, the titular 'fallen empire' is the merfolk kingdom of Vodalia, represented first here by Vodalian Soldiers, again, with four different artworks. We've had merfolk before, but it's not until Fallen Empires that we get more than one or two in a single expansion. While I don't particularly have much to say about them individually, I really do appreciate that we get all variants of popular-culture mermen here. Vodalian Soldier #4 is the more typical "slap a human man and a fish together", while Vodalian Soldier #2 and #3 look far more beastly, with head-crests and fins on their backs, and art variation #1 looks like they're inspired by some sort of colourful oarfish or eel.
Vodalian Mage notes just how powerful these water-manipulating merfolk are, but the enemy they face -- the crustacean lobster-people called the Homarids -- apparently rely mostly on strength and not on magic. Can't counter spells if the enemy doesn't cast any!
I really like the variation between these three artworks, by the way. Vodalian Mage #1 doesn't really look like a merfolk since we only see him from the waist up, and if not for that inquisitive blue grouper above him, we wouldn't even realize he's underwater. Mage #2 has a far more primal-looking design, with skin that seems to be entirely blue and an extremely bizarre hairdo. #3 is drawn in a more... artistic art style? Not much to say here.
Vodalian Knights apparently ride around in these wacky-looking mer-horses, presumably either giant seahorses or the Hippocampi from Greek mythology. I absolutely love how the mermaid lady has to have her tail-half hang sideways since, y'know, mermaids have no legs. It's interesting that the knight apparently have the ability to temporarily fly, presumably by having the steed launch them out of the water.
Another somewhat bizarre-looking "War Machine", drawn by the same artist that did Mishra's War Machine from Antiquities... we have Vodalian War Machine here, which looks like a wacky Bosch-esque bunch of mermaids and a goblin shark capering about on gears and corals inside what I assume to be a vehicle of sorts? I'm not sure. This thing is apparently considered a "Wall", and you can have your merfolk minions "get in" and operate the War Machine and have it attack, at the cost of the merfolks themselves dying should the War Machine blow up.
The Homarids are humanoid lobsters, and our first representation of them are the very basic Homarid card, also with four art variations. Unlike the Thrulls, the Homarids look far more uniform, although I really do like the concept of these humanoid lobster-people fucking shit up. And while they look kind of the same, I do like the variations in the artwork. Homarid #1 opts for a more "werebeast" esque look, whereas Homarids #2 and #3 look somewhat more biologically accurate. Homarid #4 looks like a dude in a suit, like he's about to go to his day job as a recurring villain in a Kamen Rider show.
The gimmick of the base homarids is that they get weaker and stronger depending on the turn that they're played in, representing them getting weaker or stronger depending on the tides.
The distribution of cards between merfolk and homarids actually lean more towards the merfolk, as opposed to the far more thrull-heavy Black cards. The second Homarid variant we're talking about is the Homarid Warrior. Homarid Warrior #1 is probably my favourite out of these lobster boys, being just a lobster monster holding a spear, with two extra-long legs. It also has a cute little hermit-crab-esque backpack that it tied to his back with seaweed!
Homarid Warrior #2 is one of those with a more Tokusatsu-villain body plan, looking like a lobster-themed humanoid monster, and apparently this Homarid Warrior has a sea snake friend. Also, as mentioned in Vodalian Mage's flavour, the Homarid Warriors are unable to be targeted by spells.
I don't really have anything interesting to say about Homarid Wariror #3. He's got a neat artwork, but doesn't quite feel as whimsical or wacky as the other Homarids. Anyway, while the Vodalian merfolk had no way of knowing it, apparently the homarids migrated towards the waters of Sarpidia because of the global cooling caused by the detonation of the Golgothian Sylex during the Brother's War.
Homarid Shaman is a pretty fun look, too, with weird feathers attached to his back for some reason, and holding a small scepter with one of his smaller lobster-arms. There's also a random crab in the artwork for some reason! While the flavour text for both merfolk and homarid note that they come into conflict with each other, the flavour text for Homarid Shaman tells us that the Homarids apparently went on to attack the elves of Havenwood, something that's suported with Homarid Shaman's anti-green effect.
Deep Spawn is the scary big homarid 'boss', being a 6/6 with trample and requiring an upkeep. It's also got the same anti-spell theme as the Homarid Warriors. It's a badass name, even if the artwork is ultimately just a big lobster.
Homarid Spawning Bed is a fun, flavourful little enchantment piece that, like the thrulls' breeding pit, helps to mass-produce a bunch of weak "camarids", which I assume are the larval stage of homarids. Of course, Homarids draw their name from Homaridae, the taxonomic family that lobsters belong to, while Camarids are presumably a slightly-corrupted form of Cambaridae, the taxonomic family that most freshwater crayfishes come from.
Like Blue's merfolk, we've had a couple of elves in Green before (most notably in The Dark), but this is where they become super-prominent. Elvish Hunter here, again, had three artwork variations, and they... they sure are elves! Elvish Hunter #2 basically helps to tell Green's story of the entire expansion, though, mentioning how the elves apparently farmed a fungal species called the Thallids, which... yeah, you guessed it, is the reason why the elves of Havenwood eventually feel. The flavour text also notes how the "climate cooled", one of the few references in the cards themselves towards the global cooling that's going to lead to the next big expansion, Ice Age.
Not much to say here, Elvish Scout also received three different artworks. The second and third variations do have pretty neat-looking pictures of elves stalking their prey from the trees, but I don't find these particularly interesting. We have Thallids to talk about, people!
Elvish Farmer here is one of the few elves to actually sell a fantasy about the whole 'farming plant-creature' things, and over time, the Elvish Farmer will build up counters that simulates it farming the creature, and then said Saproling creature popping up to fight for you. And then you eat it to gain life, because that's what the elves do with the Thallids and Saprolings -- eat 'em!
Bizarrely, among the Thelonite Order of the elves, there exists this one random mantis-themed bug-man, apparently a Thelonite Monk. It's... it's a giant, quasi-humanoid praying mantis with way too many legs, and some of them have scythes and blades attached to him. Apparently, these fools resorted to fertilizing the Thalids with fresh blood to keep the crops alive and growing, which, of course, is probably why these things ended up going feral in the first place. Actually a pretty neat-looking bug-man, and considering how strictly thematic most of the other colours have been, it's actually surprising to see a weird outlier here, with this bug-man working with the elves.
And here we go with the Thallids! Named after the now-defunct taxonomic group Thallophyta, or "simple plants", Thallids are a race of fungus-people that... that aren't super intelligent. Their gimmick is slowly cultivating minions of their own, building up counters that create tokens called "Saprolings" into play, with the Saprolings themselves growing into actual staples and a short-hand for "tiny plant creature" in Green for basically all subsequent Magic expansions. And, like the Thrulls, the art team really went full-in to create wacky fungal monsters for the Thallids, except far less uncomfortable to look at than the Thrulls.
Thallid #1 here is a pretty fun fungus-man, with a head seemingly based on some sort of lumpy fungus (maybe the Bleeding-Tooth fungus?) with hyphae that trail down similar to octopus tentacles or something. And it's even got a cute little stick that it presumably uses to plant more mushrooms! Probably my favourite Thallid of the set, actually.
Thallid #2 is a lot more Swamp-Thing-inspired, looking more like it's made up of moss or algae than of actual fungal material, but I'm going to give the art team some leeway on how scientifically accurate these things are as long as they look cool. And while a zombie-pose Swamp Thing monster isn't super creative, the positioning of the single eyeball and the lower jaw that's all the way in what approximates as its chest is pretty neat-looking.
Thallid #3 honestly doesn't look like a fungal creature in the first place, and more like malformed little babies with disturbingly human eyes. But take a closer look at the artwork and you see that their bodies are, in fact, made up of string-like fungal hyphae. Pretty creepy, and I do like the large mushrooms in the background, implying that this particular Thallid variant is tiny.
Thallid #4 is another awesome-looking creature, a lanky humanoid figure whose 'head' just... tapers off into another fungal stalk. Again, it's comprised almost entirely out of the vine-like/worm-like fungal hyphae, a pretty insteresting direction to take a fungal monster as opposed to just a toadstool man. Honestly, pretty awesome-looking.
Like the Thrulls and Homarids, the Thallids also have more powerful variants, with the Thorn Thallid receiving four alternate -- and, oh, very different looking pieces of artwork. Thorn Thallid #1 doesn't actually look much like a fungal monster, honestly looking far, far more demonic or horror-like than what you expect a "fungal monster" would be. Three screaming mouths with demonic teeth, a somewhat brain-like consistency on its upper head, two beady-like eyes, giant puffballs in lieu of tongues, and root/hyphae-like tentacles reaching down? What is this thing? It's just so bizarrely psychotic-looking that if not for the puffballs and roots, I would've pegged this as a thrull or a demon. Absolutely love that flavour text, too. "The danger in cultivating massive plants caught the elves by surprise."
I don't think any card in Fallen Empires actually explicitly says it, but M:TG wiki tells me that apparently the elves used some Ebon Hand techniques in farming the Thallids, so it's no real surprise that the fungi went into an uprising similar to the thrulls.
Thorn Thallid #2, on the other hand, looks far more peaceful and far less fungal-like, and he just looks so adorable! He's got a gigantic armadillo shell with spieks, two almost bug-like eyes, and an adorable little trunk that it uses to shoot out spores. Best of all are those two adorable, stubby little hands and the legs that I assume makes squelching noises while it waddles around. Not super fungus-like, honestly, but a pretty damn adorable-looking monster nonetheless.
Thorn Thallid #3 is far of a more abstract-looking critter, definitely looking like it's based somewhat on the sort of fungus that grows on walls or on your bread as opposed to the far more solid, tangible-looking ones. That's a creepy-looking face, for sure. The Thorn Thallids' effect, instead of making saproling babies, shoots thorns at the enemies, which is... actually pretty laughable considering you have to wait three turns for a single point of damage. I'm not well-versed in M:TG, but even I know that it's not particularly useful.
Thorn Thallid #4 doesn't actually look particularly thorny, but I absolutely love how it's basically a fungal octopus, with four thick, fleshy tentacles and a head similar to generic Thallid #1 that I presume are spore-sacks. Pretty neat. This card's flavour text notes that scholars will debate on whether the thallids are truly sentient, with the M:TG wiki noting that the thallids aren't actually sentient -- they just mimic what they saw others do, apparently.
Feral Thallid is actually kind of boring, just a large, naked gray humanoid figure with a bug face stapled on to it. It's the most straight-up strongest thallids in the set, though I don't find this one particularly interesting.
Thallid Devourer, on the other hand, looks pretty damn badass, basically looking like Thallid #4 up above, but far, far more badass looking, with a far more gorilla-like body layout, "mouth" tendrils that reach to the ground to drain nutrition from that unfortunate animal, and the hyphae that runs down its back gives the neat impression of bristles. Pretty awesome-looking beast, actually, and I actually prefer that the Thallid Devourer manages to give off the impression of a face without actually having one. Its effect allows you to spawn Saprolings, as well as cannibalize them for a temporary buff.
Spore Flower is... huh, it's a pretty interesting artwork, huh? I thought this was an enchantment before reading the card properly, and apparently "Spore Flower" is a fungus, if not a sub-type of thallids. Although fungi doesn't actually form flowers! And flowers don't actually have spores, spores are a strictly fungi thing! Are these a thallid subtype that has grown to mimic flowers? Whatever the case, they work with the same spore-counter mechanic, although in Spore Flower's case, it unleashes a spore blast that causes other creatures to basically 'sleep' and be unable to deal damage. Kind of a bizarre one to end our Thallid coverage at, actually.
Night Soil is an enchantment that received three variant artworks, and while the first two are just neat depictions of fungal farming, the third one has an adorable little flat, lizard/frog-like creature with multiple red eyes (?) on it. Whether this is a Saproling or a small Thallid, I'm not sure. Is there even a difference? Night Soil #3's flavour text is pretty chilling, too, noting how the thallids gathered large piles of rot to grow fungus, but it's unknown if it's "out of imitation [of the elves] or forethought".
I'm afraid that neither Red nor White is going to get me quite as excited as Black's Thrulls, Green's Thallids, or Blue's merfolk/homarid combo. The titular fallen kingdom for Red is the nameless dwarven kingdom of the Crimson Peaks, which fell so early during these conflicts that the flavour text for Dwarven Soldier notes that even the name of the dwarven kingdom has been lost to time. Dwarven Soldier has three art variants, but they're... they're dwarves, all right! Beards, short, vaguely Viking-inspired.
We've got three more dwarven-themed cards in Red, with Dwarven Armorer doing the whole "dwarfs are master craftsmen" trope sommonly seen in RPG's; Dwarven Lieutenant as the tribal boss, and Dwarven Catapult as a fun little instant to give some flavour to them. I really don't have anything to say here, though. They don't do anything particularly new for dwarves, and none of the artworks are super-interesting.
And that's because the poor dwarves have to share their colour with not one, but two factions. First up are the Brassclaw Orcs, one of the villains that ended up causing the downfall of the dwarven kingdom. I do like the fact that the artwork alternates on giving the orcs red or green skin, and the gigantic X-23-style claws that Brassclaw Orc #3 has does admittedly look pretty cool. Brassclaw Orcs #4 have an equally cool set of four-clawed gauntlets, too.
The orcs and goblins introduced in the Red colour do double duty as the forces that not only destroyed the Red-allied dwarves of Crimson Peak, but also the White kingdom of Icatia.
I do like how hilarious the artwork for Orcish Spy #2 is, looking absolutely cartoonish. Orcish Spy #3 also has a fun artwork of a clearly panicked orc, and the flavour text notes that these cowardly orcs can't be allowed to mingle with the spies, because they are cowards and they'll be afraid to fight when they realize what they're up against.
Orcish Captain is... wow, that's an ugly-ass thing, isn't it? A face that just blends into his shoulders, a completely malformed nose... again, while I would enjoy the consistency M:TG employs later on, I do kind of miss just how variable the orcs and goblins of early Magic expansions can be.
Meanwhile, Orgg, who "is bigger than it thinks", is apparently not a unique orc champion, but rather established as a half-breed between orcs and ogres. It has an appropriately hideous face, and a closer inspection shows that it actually has four arms! Pretty neat little addition to what could otherwise be a pretty boring monster.
More goblins! I love goblins! Hahaha, I absolutely love how the card name is called Goblin Warriors, but the artwork depicts a tired goblin mother supervising like a half-dozen screeching, running goblin brats running around and destroying a dining room. They breed a lot, apparently!
Receiving four artwork variants is the enchantment Goblin Drums, which are mostly quasi-serious artwork, especially art variant #2 there which looks pretty epic! Not much to say here, pretty neat little confirmation about how the goblins and orcs are working together to crush the silly dwarves.
Goblin Flottila actually shows a reasonably neat looking artwork of a bunch of battle-ready goblins on a wooden boat. Kinda badass, maybe, but I absolutely love how the flavour text actually tells us that goblins are shit sailors and they will be crippled with motion sickness by the time they reach their destination.
Meanwhile, Goblin Kites is an enchantment that features a goblin standing on a very unsafe-looking patchwork flying machine that looks like it's falling apart. Hell, it's a miracle that the goblin kiteman can even stand on that wooden cross! And the goblin uses the advantage of flight to... drop last week's leftovers on the enemy, apparently. What, did they run out of grenades?
GOBLIN CHIRURGEON. What? Whaaaat? Chirurgeon #1 is a hilariously comical-looking fat goblin with a surgeon's coat and head-cap, trying to thread a string into a needle while oodles of green goop are splotched onto his medical apron. Meanwhile, in the background, apparently his tools include spare limbs. That's such a hilariously funny piece of artwork!
Meanwhile, Goblin Chirurgeon #2 has a doctor's coat and a head-mirror, and is apparently stitching some hideous albino elf head onto the body of a tiger-man. The effects of these back-alley goblin surgeons is apparently sacrificing a goblin you control to regenerate a different creature, so presumably the chirurgeon butchers one of their fellow goblins to regenerate a more important one.
Chirurgeon #3 has a pretty bizarre artwork of him sawing another goblin's foot, presumably to attach it to the blue-chainmail goblin patiently waiting behind him. The 'donor' goblin seems pretty damn fine with it, though, perhaps because goblins are pretty fucking crazy.
Goblin Grenade is another card that receives three variations, and it's a sorcery! It's a trope that I'm most familiar with thanks to World of Warcraft, and, again, I'm not sure which media can claim goblins as manic bomber-men first. This first artwork variation really showcases an utterly manic goblin that's happy to kamikaze itself onto the enemy -- exactly what the effect of the card does.
Goblin Grenade #2 looks far more badass, with the goblin holding an awesome, spiky spear, armed head to toe (well, to wait) with spiky gladiatorial armour, and seemingly holding a spiky barrel-shaped grenade as big as itself with a pin pulled via a long chain. Pretty damn badass!
Meanwhile, Goblin Grenade #3 is the exact opposite flavour, looking like an utterly dumb-looking goblin running in front of a surprised dwarf while holding a smoking bomb. This card probably has the most hilarious lampshade hanging flavour text, too. "I don't suppose we could teach them to throw the cursed things?"
So the Ebon Hand fell to the thrulls, the elves fell to the thallids, Vodalia fell to the homarids, and the dwarves are crushed by the goblin-orc alliance. The final empire to stand in Sarpadia is the fortress city of Icatia, represented by White, and it's theme is... valiant human soldiers defending their city. Eventually they get overwhelmed by a combined army of goblins, orcs, thallids and thrulls.
Icatian Infantry has four artwork variants, and I do like how the artworks in #3 and #4 shows off what appear to be conscripted soldiers, while #1 and #2 has a more ornate-looking, almost hero-like armour plates.
Normally wouldn't include these here, but I kinda like that we actually have some story to go behind these otherwise pretty boring soldiers. Icatian Phalanx, Icatian Lieutenant and Icatian Priest are part of a bigger army, the only last bastion of nice people in the land, and they're just doing their best to defend their city before it falls.
Relatively minor enemies in the grand scheme of things are the Farrelite Cult, represented by a couple of cards in this set. It's formed by a renegade member of the Order of Leitbur that tried to form a more destructive and militant force of paladin-priest things, wanting to take the battle to the Ebon Hand. I don't necessarily think that this particular sub-plot is communicated as well as the other conflicts in the set, though, only finding it out after googling "Farrelite Priest". Apparently this Farrelite Priest is condemning that poor, cartoonish-looking goblin!
Farrel's Zealot received three card arts, and... and they're honestly kind of boring, just sort of telling a pretty vague story about the Farrelite Cult. Still, I do especially like the artwork for #2. That dude really can't get enough of knives! Also, despite their attempts to take a militant, rogue stance and battling both the Order of the Ebon Hand, as well as Icatia itself, they ended up getting royally fucked over.
The other Avatar card in this set is Hand of Justice, who is rocking a really spiky gravity-defying mustache. Apparently it's the avatar of whatever deity that Oliver Farrel and his cult worships, but that didn't save them from the onslaught of the many, many villains in this set, did it? Not particularly impressed with this card's flavour, actually.
Still, as disappointing as White ended up being, Fallen Empires ended up as one of the most flavourful sets of early Magic, one that ended up actually telling the stories of the titular fallen empires while also delivering some of the most flavourful mechanics and lore, as far as I can tell. I'm actually enjoying reviewing these older sets a lot more than I thought I would. Anyway, next up is a big set -- Ice Age, which I've mentioned for a while, and is sort of the culmination of a "the world is changing" subplot that ran through Antiquities, The Dark and Fallen Empires.
The Dark:
Again, there are a bunch of creatures that I do skip over. While I tend to be a bit thorough with Black, Murk Dwellers and The Fallen are two that don't really give me that much to talk about. Murk Dwellers has interesting artwork, and The Fallen is a face I'm going to see in my nightmares so good job on whoever drew that. Both are, interestingly enough, 'mere' Zombies. You'd think that The Fallen is some sort of corrupted sorcerer, or a straight-up demon, based on his description.
A bunch of Black spells! I really do like that bizarre worm-tongued demon-beast that is bound in the artwork for Word of Binding. Again, due to the whole swamp theme for Black, I really do like that Marsh Gas is a card.
You'd think that Ghost Ship would be a Black or a Blue/Black creature, actually... and, also, I'm sometimes a bit confused why a ship wouldn't be considered an artifact creature. I guess because there's a ghost (or a bunch of ghosts) possessing it? Merfolk Assassin's a pretty neat little sneak-peek to M:TG's return of giving Blue a bunch of merfolks as a constantly-supported race, and while the artwork's simple, I do like how... expressive it is.
I really do like the bizarre sea-slug-fairies featured in Dance of Many, actually. Also, this set has a bunch more of obvious marine/aquatic-themed cards, I feel.
Even more water-based spells and whatnot! Check out that unfortunate merman being stuck on that Tangle Kelp. Silly Merman!
Green gets a bunch of "just humans living in the forest". Including "People of the Woods", which aren't actually elves! Damn posers. Absolutely love that deranged look on Scavenger Folk over there, too.
A bunch of Green spells that kind of look neat. I'm not sure what that bramble-creature is doing on the artwork of Gaea's Touch. It's like going "oooh, a nice flower!" while... strangling a tree?
I find it hilarious that the races of Brothers of Fire and Sisters of the Flame are just "Sisters" and "Brothers". Also, among some of the returning races is orc, represented here with Orc General. Don't think we've seen an orc since the original set.
There are more goblin cards in The Dark, but Goblin Wizard is just kind of... there. It's an ugly goblin all right, and it's a wizard all right. Meanwhile, Goblin Shrine and Goblin Caves are a fun pair of supporting cards that show off goblin culture, and I do like the flavour text on both of them.
Bunch of red spells, and I do like Blood Moon presumably depicting the darkened world, something that the set actually isn't particularly good at communicating.
A bunch of White creatures that... well, at least they look different this time around! I like Squire. He looks appropriately Squire-y. Knights of Thorn also has some pretty badass-looking mask-hood set.
I find it interesting that "Brainwash" is a White spell. I mean, I get it, religion and law sometimes have the side-effect of brainwashing people, but this is the first set where White actually starts to get cards that play the whole trope of lawful people doing horrible things.
For those of you who prefer White spells to be the wrath of godly deities, we have the awesomely-named Fire And Brimstone.
"Dust to Dust" forms a nice pair with the Black sorcery "Ashes to Ashes", which I thought was neat. Also, whoever Tivadar is, his/her crusade is apparently out to murder and quarter all goblinkind. Goblin Slayer, is that you? Dark Heart of the Wood is actually a pretty neat image of just a black heart randomly floating in the middle of the forest.
We've got a couple of new Lands, but none of them other than City of Shadows really do anything to portray the supposed "Dark" that's going on any more impressively than the other non-Land cards. Hell, the sky in the artwork of Sorrow's Path is still light!
As usual, I find myself really at a loss of words as to what to say about the Artifact cards in M:TG. Barl's Cage has a neat-looking artwork, and the concept of a Living Armor is neat, but I really just don't find any of them interesting.
Honestly, I'm actually not sure why some of these aren't actual Lands. Like, I get that maybe it's a gameplay thing, but cards called "Standing Stones" and "Barl's Cage" really don't feel like it's an artifact, but an actual location.
A bunch of "just a thing" artifacts. Really don't have anything to say here.
More "just a thing" artifacts. Not much to say here.
I actually like that we don't actually get to see much of the Diabolic Machine other than what appears to be a pair of eyes and gears crushing some poor schmuck. That's a neat way to portray a "diabolic machine" for sure.
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Fallen Empires:
All four of these are the same card: the Hymn to Tourach, and the titular Tourach is apparently the founder and high priest of the Ebon Hand Order. I do appreciate that they at least made different flavour text for the different variants.
The evil Tourach is mentioned in two other Black cards, Tourach's Chant and Tourach's Gate. And... wow, I really do talk a lot about Thrulls, huh?
While I understand giving multiple pieces of artwork to represent a type of original creature like the Thrulls or the Thallids, Merseine really didn't need four different types of artwork! The name's pretty fun, though, with seine, of course, being a type of weighted fishing net. The idea of catching merfolk with a net is a flavourful one, but, again, I see why some people think that the alternate artwork ended up being a wee bit too much.
That second and third High Tide artworks are actually pretty nice. Is this how merfolk cowboys deliver their pre-asskicking one-liner? "It's hiiiigh tide."
The three-artwork'd Spore Cloud is meant to represent one of the Thallids' abilities to attack, and spore explosions are definitely a pretty flavourful fungal method of attacking! Fungal Bloom, is another pretty neat fungus-themed enchantment, and its card art clearly depicts a Brain Mushroom.
Hilariously, this enchantment card, Elven Fortress, ended up selling the general look and vibe of the elven lands more than the actual Land cards in this set. It's neat, though, and in subsequent sets (starting from the next one, I think, in fact) it's just going to be Land cards that receive multiple art pieces to help "paint" the world for the audience, a particularly justifiable bit once we start planehopping.
Green actually makes pretty good usage of its card to sell the elves-vs-thallid struggle, and not a lot of the cards feel redundant. Thelon's Chant, Thelon's Curse and Thelonite Druid all refer to a single character, Thelon, who's sort of like the patron for the elves of the forest or something. I think we actually see the character in a future set?
Icatian Moneychanger is a card concept that I find really hilarious. Sadly, we don't get any flavour text since that's one hell of a long effect, but I find it hilarious that of all things, this money-counting people ended up getting three alternate art pieces. Icatian Town is a fun little card, too, showing just how militarized Icatia has been, what with the town's citizens basically ready to pick up arms and fight against orcs and goblins.
I'm legitimately not sure what "Delif's Cone" is supposed to be. Is it a tower? A bridge? Just a random segment of spiky, lightning-emitting geometry?
Acolipile and Draconian Cylix does admittedly have cool-sounding names. But, again, artifacts just sort of feel boring to me. I recognize that they do add flavour to the set, and it's an archetype that's important to the game, but, jeez, I really find so many of these so boring.
A bunch more of "just a magical item" Artifacts. I really don't have anything to say here.
A bunch of dwarf-related lands, like Dwarven Ruins and Dwarven Hold, but neither of them actually do anything with dwarves.
Presumably, that Svydunite Temple is where the merfolks and/or lobster-people go to pray? Eh.
A bunch of land! Nothing, really, to say here. The artworks are nice, but I really don't have much to say here.
THE DARK
Magic's fourth expansion is rather uncreatively named "The Dark", and... I really don't have a whole ton to talk about here. The story, according to M:TG Wiki, notes that the events of "The Dark" takes place after the whole apocalyptic Sylex Blast at the end of the whole Brothers War during the Antiquities expansion, which plunged the world of Dominaria into a literal dark age. Debris from the conflict blotted out the sun and civil war breaks out between an anti-magic religion formed in response to the Sylex Blast, as well as the mages seeking refuge.And maybe it's my own dislike for the rather unenthusiastic name of "The Dark", but more so than any other expansion, I think, The Dark really doesn't have anything that makes me feel like it's anything but just a bunch of cards thrown together that honestly feel like they're just cards that never made it into previous or subsequent expansions. Which is why we're going to actually breeze through this expansion pretty quickly.
While all that story seems to imply that a huge theme is going to be about darkness enveloping the land and a religious war of sorts, the actual cards are actually far more mundane. We do get some neat-looking Black monsters, though, like Grave Robbers here, who, despite the artwork implying that they're alive, are actually Zombies according to the creature-type-update. Grave Robbers are a fun little trope in gothic-horror settings, and it's neat!
And... hoo, boy, we actually do have so many variations of the common "ghost", huh? With or without bones, on the top of my head, we have specter, ghast, poltergeist, shade, revenants, spirits... and, of course, we have the Banshee. This is actually a pretty bland-looking Banshee, but a cloaked figure whose only feature you can see are two glowing red eyes is still pretty badass-looking. In future M:TG review segments, I will probably be starting to skip through most of these, but I guess we can do some here.
Man, for a mere 1/1 and a tiny imp, Bog Imp does actually get a pretty badass-looking artwork with blood-covered limbs. He actually looks like a version of H.R. Giger's Xenomorph if it went to the gym instead of stalking space marines.
Perhaps less fantastical are the Bog Rats, and this is the return of rats after "Plague Rats" back in the original set. Rats are actually a very appropriate beast to give to Black, being nasty disease-carriers, and I do like that Bog Rats here has the hilarious ability of being able to attack through walls. Of course -- rats can get into your house!
Frankenstein's Monster is a fun little reference to the classic horror novel, but I also do appreciate that the card art isn't just copying the 'classic' feel of the 1931 movie, and instead opts for a more grisly artwork. It's got a pretty fun effect, too, simulating you actually 'building' this patchwork zombie from creatures you have in the graveyard.
Rag Man is a pretty interesting creature, and the idea of some dude with overly long arms and fingers dressed in rags, but with the ability to seriously harm you, is a fun little trope. Rag Man's artwork is pretty neat, too, and I absolutely love the flavour text trying to tempt fate and going "aw, he's just a silly dirty little man".
Eater of the Dead initially looks like a pretty generic horned humanoid demon, with a monstrous dog's muzzle to shake things up a little... but then I realized he's got fucking eyeballs on his shoulders, and that's pretty neat. Nameless Race is actually a pretty boring artwork, basically being two naked Prince Zukos with topknots... but when the grand creature update happened, Nameless Race is one of the sparse handful of cards to actually end up with no race, straight up making it a pretty unique creature. It's otherwise pretty boring, though.
Who is Uncle Istvan, and whose uncle is this? Interestingly, despite having introduced the whole 'legendary' deal to represent actual, named people, Uncle Istvan is just considered a generic, common card, so it implies that there are multiples of crazy hermits called Uncle Istvan in Dominaria.
Oh, shit, I absolutely love the artwork for Worms of the Earth. Giant worms burrowing under the earth has been a pretty great fantasy feature, and I do love how the artwork depicts some poor schmuck bent over digging a hole or something, and the very tip of a worm's... head? Tail? is reaching out to presumably drag the poor fool to his doom. But best of all is the artwork cutting away the crust of the earth to show just how many of these gigantic, undulating annelids squirming as a huge mass underground. Hell, even its effect is interesting -- Worms of the Earth prevents anyone from playing lands, and will keep dealing damage until one of the two players destroys the worms by... blowing up two the lands he controls. Only with actually destroying the lands themselves can you get rid of the Worms of the Earth!
Going with the worm (well, wurm) theme, is Water Wurm, who is a pretty neat little drawing of a segmented, aquatic worm. It's pretty gross-looking, which is the goal of any worm monster, really.
Oh, shit, this is a cool motherfucker. Leviathan is one of the bigger creatures in M:TG, who very rarely break double digits. Leviathan is a massive 10/10, and judging by stats alone, that makes him theoretically more powerful than even the Elder Dragons we saw in the previous expansion. Of course, the actual Leviathan card is pretty difficult to use, requiring the sacrifice of multiple Island land cards to even attack and untap. But what a massive beast, though! It's this giant, almost formless worm-like/eel-like beast seemingly made entirely out of something coloured like water (and I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a massive water beast), with a gaping mouth like a massive basking shark. And for the longest time, I thought that just like the mythological beast it's based on, the Leviathan's just a massive underwater whale-eel-serpent, but apparently it's floating in the air, ready to chomp down on that one random abbey. Pretty awesome looking beast!
MIND BOMB! My favourite card on this page, no questions asked. It's a bomb made entirely up of a psychic brain, and somehow it has shell casings that split open like old-timey bombs. What are those missile shell casings made up of? Skull material? Or just coconut bark? Still, you have some absolutely creative Blue Mage lobbing psychic brain missiles at people. That is just... awesome.
I don't actually have a whole ton to talk about Blue in this expansion. There's a lot of neat fishes and neat water-themed spells, but, again, we're sort of trying to rush things to get to Fallen Empires. A couple of Blue's sorceries and enchantments stand out to me, though. That is such an interesting artwork to depict someone with Amnesia, with a literal hole in his head and a vacant, drooling expression. Meanwhile, apparently in M:TG, Psychic Allergies are a thing, and that is one hell of a nasty reaction Timmy has to what appears to be... a giant, magical coin?
Green, now, and after being missing for a bit, we're starting to see the return of elves into Green. Savaen Elves and Elves of Deep Shadow aren't super-interesting, but apparently a small theme in "The Dark" set is that White is abandoned by its "ally" colours, Green and Blue, and it's portrayed here by a Green card,
Oh, hey, it's another hag! Scarwood Hag is pretty horrifying-looking, and I would absolutely be really scared of seeing that face rising ominously out of the water of some marsh lake.
The Lurker (it's considered a 'Beast') is a more typical sort of sasquatch-y forest beast, a giant muscular humanoid with claws that hunts down people while making use of its ability to hide in the jungle, but I really do like that horrifying face they gave him. Especially the mouth, which seems to be held together by stringy tendrils.
Niall Silvain is another card that really feels like it should be a legendary card, considering how it's an actual name and the flavour text does speak about how "this is his domain". He's retroactively our first representative of the 'ouphe' race, sort of a more 'tricksters and man of the forest' type of fae compared to the more Tolkien-y elves or the more Midsummer's Night fairies. Certainly looks like an untrustworthy sort, that Niall Silvain.
A Carnivorous Plant looking like the classic Audrey II or Piranha Plant is sort of obligatory in any fantasy setting, but I really do like the artwork of this really trying to sell the Carnivorous Plant's closed maw disguised against the brambles of wood and leaves. I also find it utterly interesting that Carnivorous Plant is, in fact, a Wall. A plant wall in subsequent revisions, but I do find it fun that being a Wall, the Carnivorous Plant can't attack, since it lies in wait for its enemies. But when you block an enemy attack with the Carnivorous Plant, unlike most walls, it can actually do a significant amount of damage!
Wormwood Treefolk is a more badass looking treefolk, looking a lot more like the Ancients from Warcraft than the more comedic looking "draw a face on a tree" treefolks we've seen in the past. It's a pretty nasty-looking giant face with gangly arms and trunk-like feet, and it's one of the few "traitor" Green cards. While the actual Wormwood tree is actually a very important and beneficial plant for medicine, I'm actually somewhat curious how an off-handed mention in the Bible of Wormwood being a fallen star has caused "wormwood" to be associated with more sinister things.
We have a couple of ickier-looking invertebrates! Representing the Hirudenea class of worms are the leeches, with their first M:TG representative in Land Leeches. Which... which other than being a black, segmented worm, doesn't actually look like a proper leech. It's missing the sucker, as well as being somewhat more flat, but it's the thought that counts, right? Leeches would be a tribe that is shared between green and black, and it's certainly appropriate, considering leeches are both disease-spreading ecto-parasites while also being used for traditional medicine. (Also, if there isn't a monster in M:TG's history that makes a pun between leech and lich, I will lose faith in the brand's creative team.)
Spitting Slug is... wow, it's a different sort of grotesqueness compared to the Giant Slug we saw in an earlier expansion, huh? Look at this thing! It looks like it's in its last throes, with its body being bunched up into two hunchback-esque blobs, with one of its eyestalks apparently chopped off, and it's just constantly vomiting slug-spew. Poor Spitting Slug, take some antacid!
Ah, here we go, with Red's entire set in this expansion being made up of goblins! The first one here, Goblins of the Flarg -- aren't super exciting, perhaps, but I do like the fact that the Goblins of the Flarg inexplicably has some samurai-esque armour while all other goblins have more tribal looks. Meanwhile, Goblin Hero interestingly looks nothing like any of the other previously-seen goblins, looking more like some sort of bizarre, hideously mutated albino horse-ape-man. A pretty grotesque-looking one that definitely feels like the 'boss' of these nasty goblins by virtue of looking so damn different.
Interestingly, two of the three multi-coloured cards included in this set are both goblins, with Marsh Goblins being Red/Black and looking like a naked chalk-skinned dude hanging on some vines. It does show that the goblins apparently have a fair amount of sub-races, and Marshy here is apparently shunned by most goblin races, probably because it runs around nude and shows off its goblin wang to everyone.
Scarwood Goblins are Green/Red, and looks far more primal, with those nasty-ass fangs and a general look that brings to mind the trolls from Warcraft, sans tusks. I really do think those dead fish-eyes are what sells this as being so much more impressive than your average 'blin.
These two are two of my favourites, being just utterly funny. Goblin Digging Team's artwork is kind of serious, showing a mining team of goblins being caught in a cave-in... but the flavour text is just some fun bit of black comedy. Meanwhile, Goblin Rock Sled is... it's just utterly hilarious, with that goblin wearing a funny little red cap, snow goggles, and apparently spends its time just zooming around on a sled. Sort of feels like it's probably a card that would feel more at home in the Ice Age expansion, but I've established how pretty poorly-themed The Dark ended up feeling.
The other two neat-looking creatures in Red in this expansion is Fire Drake, which is... kind of another drake, but one with a pretty cool-looking pose. Ball Lightning is a pretty fun creature concept, and I do like how it's given to Red, who tends to be associated with lightning spells.
As usual, White doesn't really give much for me to talk about, but we do have a couple of cards that I found pretty interesting thanks to their names. Preacher and Witch Hunter are two minions that are just kind of humans doing human things, but I do like how it sort of highlights the darker shades of religion. Witch Hunter being, well, obviously based on the more barbaric and xenophobic witch-hunts of the past, while that Preacher is a starkly different-looking man compared to White's normal holy-looking, peaceful-looking priests. Instead, this Preacher, based on his effects, is the sort that really vehemently try to convert people in ways that might not be entirely moral.
Also, Preacherman over there apparently somehow manages to get his hands on relatively modern clothing. Where in the realm of Dominaria sells these fancy suits?
I'm actually disappointed that White doesn't play into the witch-hunting theme a bit more considering how the theme of the block is meant to be discrimination against magic-users, but Angry Mob here is a pretty fun card that, again, while not entirely traditionally White, works well with the vehement, religiously-racist theme. The fact that it has the Trample effect, as well as becoming stronger the more black-coloured swamps the enemy has actually is a neat way of showing just how much mobs are riled up by even more of the things they hate.
The Dark has a pretty significant amount of boring Land and Artifact cards, but two in particular stand out. Maze of Ith just looks utterly bizarre, and it looks like some sort of giant... brain-intestine-tumour thing? The fact that it's apparently a labyrinth makes it even more bizarre. Just what is this? Some gigantic organism that is titanic enough that people can walk inside it? Or just a particularly nasty creation of a demented wizard?
Scarecrows, meanwhile, are one of my favourite horror monsters, and I do love that they're initially introduced as a sub-group of Artifact creatures. It'll receive its own race, and a couple of expansions would even introduce multiple, awesome-looking variations. Until then, though, we get this pretty basic-looking mugshot of a patchwork scarecrow with a pretty chilling flavour text. And the artwork does really sell that those button eyes are pretty scary for "something that had never known life".
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FALLEN EMPIRES
Both The Dark and Fallen Empires sort of acted as a "prequel" for the next big expansion, Ice Age, with the events of Fallen Empires taking less of a look at the world as a whole, and more on a single continent in Dominaria -- Sarpadia -- where the combination of the dark sun and the increasingly-chilling climate (poor Dominaria can't catch a break) basically causing the titular Empires -- five of them, each represented by one of the five colours -- to go into war and slowly fall apart.Fallen Empires, notably, is also a set that features multiple variants of some common cards, commissioning three to four pieces of artworks for some cards (this practice has previously only been seen for the Land cards)... a practice that, for better or for worse, would be abandoned after Fallen Empires.
Also, throughout the past five expansions and the original M:TG, Fallen Empires puts a significant focus on actual storytelling instead of just building up a fantasy setting, which is why... we're going to talk way more about Fallen Empires cards. Sadly, though, Fallen Empires isn't one of the better-received sets in early magic, due to the weak-for-the-meta cards, which made the Fallen Empires set kind of underperform and be received poorly by the fandom. Shame.
So, here are our first cards from Fallen Empires, and it's the kingdom for Black, the Order of the Ebon Hand. And, as mentioned before, the exact same card here has three different artworks -- many cards in this expansion have two to three different art variations, and whenever possible, I'll group them all in a set.
I do find it pretty interesting, though, that they take this chance to give different versions of the card different flavour text. None of the ones here are particularly interesting, but all of them end up painting an evil cult of sorts, which is neat! Also like the fact that the left-most version of the Ebon Hand cleric is actually a centaur.
The three variations of Initiates of the Ebon Hand are... pretty interesting. The left-most variant in this set is probably the most boring, just an evil cultist lady rising her daggers up, and I feel there's a huge misconnect between the lore that talks about self-mutilation in sacrificing an arm, and an artwork that clearly shows a two-armed cultist.
The second Initiate here is a lot more interesting, being just a turbaned dude... if not for the big, fleshy sleepy eyeball on his chest. And the third one is just a bunch of malformed humanoids with a flavour text that talks about how "non-human races" had special talents that could be exploited. Was Centaur-boy from the "Order of the Ebon Hand" card being exploited? Poor Centaur-boy!
We have a couple of extra Ebon Hand cards that I have booted down to the post-script segment, but basically, all you need to know is that the Ebon Hand engaged in a lot of sacrifices, and to this end, they created an entirely new race, the Thrulls (presumably named after the word 'thrall'). And these make up the bulk of Black's population in Fallen Empires, and, well, a little spoiler alert? I really like these malformed abominations. And the artists really went to town in trying to make the Thrulls look as different and as grotesque as possible.
The first Basal Thrull we're talking about is almost humanoid, but with her body contorted into some twisted Exorcist-style crabwalking. The grotesquely long legs, arms and fingers, as well as that completely insane-looking expression, really sell that these Basal Thrulls are not exactly in the most sane of mind. We get to learn that the Thrulls are "bred for sacrifice", and like any science/magic experiment exploited by humanity in a fictional setting, they would turn on their masters and wipe out the Order of the Ebon Hand. We have our first 'fallen empire', folks!
The second Basal Thrull here is a lot more serious looking, and while we see only its face, the combination of bandages, weird worm-like attachments, a positively tortured-looking eye and mismatched jaws really sell the whole "failed science experiment" deal. The flavour text for Basal Thrull #2 actually notes that Endrek Sahr, the wizard that is behind all of these thrulls, actually makes it a point to make the thrulls as grotesque and twisted as possible to inspire fear and revulsion.
Basal Thrull #3 here is a far more abstract-looking creature, and it took me a while to realize that the Thrull is the green blood with barely-visible features. The flavour text implies that this might be one of the first variations of thrulls created. I really do like how the actual mechanics of the card sell the fact that these thrulls are created for the purpose of sacrifice, with the Basal Thrull's effect allowing you to sacrifice the card for a brief mana advantage.
Basal Thrull #4 is in stark contrast to the creepy, almost haunting #3, featuring a trio of utterly comical-looking dudes, with two humanoid ones, and a third thrull that's just a blob with a hairy eyeball. The center, purple one with three eyes just look so scared! The flavour text implies that these more humanoid, pathetic-looking thrulls are apparently the later models of the basic thrull model. I actually like how they justify the extremely variable versions of thrulls by making them different iterations of a 'product', so to speak.
The second thrull card also exists in four variations, and, well, I'm going to talk about most of them! Armor Thrull is obviously the more bred-to-battle variant, but despite the pretty badass-looking artrwork on the first two Armor Thrulls here, the card effect and flavour text (and the fourth alternate artwork) would show that they are bred just to have their armour harvested to become armour for Ebon Hand members.
Armor Thrull #1 looks pretty badass at a glance, a hunch-backed troll-like monster with massive scalloping scales, but the face it makes is just so dang pathetic as it looks at its incoming fate, while the flavour text makes it clear that, yes, this is basically a being harvested to become +1/+2 armour. Armor Thrull #2 is far more badass-looking, with twisted limbs and a whole fuck-ton of spikes jutting out of his spines and limbs, with a clearly angry expression.
Armor Thrull #3 is pretty neat-ooking in a somewhat pathetic way, with this one apparently crawling on two legs like a more twisted version of Zelda's Dodongo enemies. It's drinking water from what I assume to be sewers, and it does look to be somewhat peaceful, in contrast to all the other thrull cards. Armor Thrull #4 is not a thrull, but one of the Ebon Hand humans wearing a dead thrull, showing just how these beings are utilized by the Ebon Hand. Because the Ebon Hand are right bastards, apparently they even abuse their human members that refuse to wear a corpse as armour.
Thrull Retainer is actually an enchantment, which is kind of bizarre. The flavour text makes more references to the rebellion, and the artwork does show another pretty disgusting, fleshy wretch. That is some pretty grisly detailing with half his face seeming to melt off, and that half-transparent skin showing off the guts weighting down the stomach.
Thrull Champion is the obligatory "buff all similar monsters in combat", and it's a far less of a body-horror creature than Thrull Retainer, being more of a light-hearted creature that still looks like one fucked-up abomination. Four arms, three faces mushed together into one, multiple tongues, and a serpentine lower body? I also love that flavour text.
Thrull Wizard here is probably one of the most badass, scary-looking thrulls out there, and the flavour text tells us that the Thrull Wizard is actually made to be intelligent, to 'assist in sacrifices', and is probably the one that ended up gathering all of his thrull brethren to fuck up the humans. I really love the grisly detailing with the two pairs of creepy eyes, that lipless grin, the corpse-like detailing on the hair, and most appropriately disgusting is the almost subtle neck-collar of gums and fangs. The Thrull Wizard has the ability to counter black spells, which is definitely helpful when you're taking the fight against your Black-magic using masters!
Magic canon has it that when all the five empires of the Sarpadian continent have fallen, it's the thrulls that ended up flourishing and taking over everything.
Derelor sounds like a name, huh? It's apparently just another model of thrull, and it's a bizarre... centaur-thing with the body of a cow, a malformed green upper body with one human-like hand and another that's a tongue-like tentacle. And look at that face, what the shit! It's a creepy-looking face. I love the flavour text telling us that it's a powerful but very energy-wasting beast that was rejected by this Endrek Sahr fellow, and it's even reflected in the effect, causing all Black cards to cost an additional mana point to cast.
The Necrite is another type of Thrull that has three artwork variants, and they're apparently meant to be used in battle. The flavour text for Necrite #1 notes how they are the ones who killed Jherana Rure, a recurring name mentioned in various thrull/Ebon Hand cards as the leader of the Ebon Hand that led the resistance against the thrulls when they rebelled. Necrite #1 would be kind of a boring ghoul-like assassin, but he gets bonus points for having centipedes run around his face.
Necrite #2 looks like the bizarre love-spawn of Venom and a Xenomorph, painted in glorious shades of orange. I relaly love the bizarre tendrils and tentacles that run from her crest-crown thing into his back, and those long claws really look like they can tear your face off. Pretty awesome-looking, and probably one of the most straight-up coolest designs on this page.
Necrite #3 is... it's bizarre and far more abstract, and I kinda get that it's showing a humanoid Necrite killing someone. I do like how the flavour text actually fits with the abstract art, although at the same time, it also feels slightly out of place compared to the two other Necrites.
Breeding Pit is a thrull support card that generates thrull tokens, representing the thrulls reproducing at an alarming rate when they are doing the whole rebellion thing. Pretty neat little enchantment, and a pretty horrifying artwork too -- a Cronenberg-esque mass of fleshy tendrils swirling out of a pit, ending in a sinisterly human-looking upper body. Kerrigan, is that you?
We're almost done with the thrulls, with one last variant to go. Again, with three alternate arts! Mindstab Thrull doesn't quite have any sort of flavour text, but it's meant to be some sort of kamikaze warrior. You can choose to have it attack, and if it can successfully reach the enemy caster, you can choose to have the Mindstab Thrull blow up and force the enemy to discard three cards (which, in Magic terms, is equivalent to losing the memory/ability to cast those spells). Mindstab Thrull #1 is kind of a more ordinary, humanoid ghoul-abomination thing, but that's a well-drawn skull-face.
Mindstab Thrull #2 is... wow, what an utterly bizarre gremlin of a creature he is, huh? Where most other thrulls look like body-horror abominations, Mindstab Thrull #2 here looks far more... natural, I guess? He looks like some sort of short pygmy baby-man, running around carrying a bomb (is that how they do the 'mindstab' thing?), but with the proportions being all wrong. Massively long feet, and that flap of flesh that looks like a cape, but is apparently attached to his cheeks. No wonder those random people in the background are freaked out!
Mindstab Thrull #3 is probably the most disturbing and flat-out scariest card art I've seen in M:TG for a long, long time. Look at it. Just look at it. What the fuck? It's got limbs and a face, but they're all attached in all the wrong ways, and it presumably just scuttles around like some sort of demented, twisted spider creature, with that upper arm apparently having some sort of... lockpick? What is that? That's a far more horrifying way to "mindstab" someone than the bomb one. Jeez. Even looking at this thing just makes me uncomfortable.
"Avatar" is a term that has had different meanings, but in M:TG I think it basically goes back to the whole 'avatar of god' original meaning. And Ebon Praetor here is one of the couple of avatars in this set and... hoo, boy, what an utterly bizarre artwork! The titular Ebon Praetor is presumably the dude in the Alucard-esque wide-brimmed hat presiding over... a court of law? But I really find it bizarre that the two 'guards' holding the accused are a green demon and... a big-ass giant bunny. What? It's just such an utterly bizarre scene, the Ebon Praetor himself is pretty subdued, but the whole thing ends up being just so surreal that it actually is kind of a bizarre creature that is surely affiliated with the Order of the Ebon Hand, but also feels so much like an outside-context problem.
So for Blue, the titular 'fallen empire' is the merfolk kingdom of Vodalia, represented first here by Vodalian Soldiers, again, with four different artworks. We've had merfolk before, but it's not until Fallen Empires that we get more than one or two in a single expansion. While I don't particularly have much to say about them individually, I really do appreciate that we get all variants of popular-culture mermen here. Vodalian Soldier #4 is the more typical "slap a human man and a fish together", while Vodalian Soldier #2 and #3 look far more beastly, with head-crests and fins on their backs, and art variation #1 looks like they're inspired by some sort of colourful oarfish or eel.
Vodalian Mage notes just how powerful these water-manipulating merfolk are, but the enemy they face -- the crustacean lobster-people called the Homarids -- apparently rely mostly on strength and not on magic. Can't counter spells if the enemy doesn't cast any!
I really like the variation between these three artworks, by the way. Vodalian Mage #1 doesn't really look like a merfolk since we only see him from the waist up, and if not for that inquisitive blue grouper above him, we wouldn't even realize he's underwater. Mage #2 has a far more primal-looking design, with skin that seems to be entirely blue and an extremely bizarre hairdo. #3 is drawn in a more... artistic art style? Not much to say here.
Vodalian Knights apparently ride around in these wacky-looking mer-horses, presumably either giant seahorses or the Hippocampi from Greek mythology. I absolutely love how the mermaid lady has to have her tail-half hang sideways since, y'know, mermaids have no legs. It's interesting that the knight apparently have the ability to temporarily fly, presumably by having the steed launch them out of the water.
Another somewhat bizarre-looking "War Machine", drawn by the same artist that did Mishra's War Machine from Antiquities... we have Vodalian War Machine here, which looks like a wacky Bosch-esque bunch of mermaids and a goblin shark capering about on gears and corals inside what I assume to be a vehicle of sorts? I'm not sure. This thing is apparently considered a "Wall", and you can have your merfolk minions "get in" and operate the War Machine and have it attack, at the cost of the merfolks themselves dying should the War Machine blow up.
The Homarids are humanoid lobsters, and our first representation of them are the very basic Homarid card, also with four art variations. Unlike the Thrulls, the Homarids look far more uniform, although I really do like the concept of these humanoid lobster-people fucking shit up. And while they look kind of the same, I do like the variations in the artwork. Homarid #1 opts for a more "werebeast" esque look, whereas Homarids #2 and #3 look somewhat more biologically accurate. Homarid #4 looks like a dude in a suit, like he's about to go to his day job as a recurring villain in a Kamen Rider show.
The gimmick of the base homarids is that they get weaker and stronger depending on the turn that they're played in, representing them getting weaker or stronger depending on the tides.
The distribution of cards between merfolk and homarids actually lean more towards the merfolk, as opposed to the far more thrull-heavy Black cards. The second Homarid variant we're talking about is the Homarid Warrior. Homarid Warrior #1 is probably my favourite out of these lobster boys, being just a lobster monster holding a spear, with two extra-long legs. It also has a cute little hermit-crab-esque backpack that it tied to his back with seaweed!
Homarid Warrior #2 is one of those with a more Tokusatsu-villain body plan, looking like a lobster-themed humanoid monster, and apparently this Homarid Warrior has a sea snake friend. Also, as mentioned in Vodalian Mage's flavour, the Homarid Warriors are unable to be targeted by spells.
I don't really have anything interesting to say about Homarid Wariror #3. He's got a neat artwork, but doesn't quite feel as whimsical or wacky as the other Homarids. Anyway, while the Vodalian merfolk had no way of knowing it, apparently the homarids migrated towards the waters of Sarpidia because of the global cooling caused by the detonation of the Golgothian Sylex during the Brother's War.
Homarid Shaman is a pretty fun look, too, with weird feathers attached to his back for some reason, and holding a small scepter with one of his smaller lobster-arms. There's also a random crab in the artwork for some reason! While the flavour text for both merfolk and homarid note that they come into conflict with each other, the flavour text for Homarid Shaman tells us that the Homarids apparently went on to attack the elves of Havenwood, something that's suported with Homarid Shaman's anti-green effect.
Deep Spawn is the scary big homarid 'boss', being a 6/6 with trample and requiring an upkeep. It's also got the same anti-spell theme as the Homarid Warriors. It's a badass name, even if the artwork is ultimately just a big lobster.
Homarid Spawning Bed is a fun, flavourful little enchantment piece that, like the thrulls' breeding pit, helps to mass-produce a bunch of weak "camarids", which I assume are the larval stage of homarids. Of course, Homarids draw their name from Homaridae, the taxonomic family that lobsters belong to, while Camarids are presumably a slightly-corrupted form of Cambaridae, the taxonomic family that most freshwater crayfishes come from.
Like Blue's merfolk, we've had a couple of elves in Green before (most notably in The Dark), but this is where they become super-prominent. Elvish Hunter here, again, had three artwork variations, and they... they sure are elves! Elvish Hunter #2 basically helps to tell Green's story of the entire expansion, though, mentioning how the elves apparently farmed a fungal species called the Thallids, which... yeah, you guessed it, is the reason why the elves of Havenwood eventually feel. The flavour text also notes how the "climate cooled", one of the few references in the cards themselves towards the global cooling that's going to lead to the next big expansion, Ice Age.
Not much to say here, Elvish Scout also received three different artworks. The second and third variations do have pretty neat-looking pictures of elves stalking their prey from the trees, but I don't find these particularly interesting. We have Thallids to talk about, people!
Elvish Farmer here is one of the few elves to actually sell a fantasy about the whole 'farming plant-creature' things, and over time, the Elvish Farmer will build up counters that simulates it farming the creature, and then said Saproling creature popping up to fight for you. And then you eat it to gain life, because that's what the elves do with the Thallids and Saprolings -- eat 'em!
Bizarrely, among the Thelonite Order of the elves, there exists this one random mantis-themed bug-man, apparently a Thelonite Monk. It's... it's a giant, quasi-humanoid praying mantis with way too many legs, and some of them have scythes and blades attached to him. Apparently, these fools resorted to fertilizing the Thalids with fresh blood to keep the crops alive and growing, which, of course, is probably why these things ended up going feral in the first place. Actually a pretty neat-looking bug-man, and considering how strictly thematic most of the other colours have been, it's actually surprising to see a weird outlier here, with this bug-man working with the elves.
And here we go with the Thallids! Named after the now-defunct taxonomic group Thallophyta, or "simple plants", Thallids are a race of fungus-people that... that aren't super intelligent. Their gimmick is slowly cultivating minions of their own, building up counters that create tokens called "Saprolings" into play, with the Saprolings themselves growing into actual staples and a short-hand for "tiny plant creature" in Green for basically all subsequent Magic expansions. And, like the Thrulls, the art team really went full-in to create wacky fungal monsters for the Thallids, except far less uncomfortable to look at than the Thrulls.
Thallid #1 here is a pretty fun fungus-man, with a head seemingly based on some sort of lumpy fungus (maybe the Bleeding-Tooth fungus?) with hyphae that trail down similar to octopus tentacles or something. And it's even got a cute little stick that it presumably uses to plant more mushrooms! Probably my favourite Thallid of the set, actually.
Thallid #2 is a lot more Swamp-Thing-inspired, looking more like it's made up of moss or algae than of actual fungal material, but I'm going to give the art team some leeway on how scientifically accurate these things are as long as they look cool. And while a zombie-pose Swamp Thing monster isn't super creative, the positioning of the single eyeball and the lower jaw that's all the way in what approximates as its chest is pretty neat-looking.
Thallid #3 honestly doesn't look like a fungal creature in the first place, and more like malformed little babies with disturbingly human eyes. But take a closer look at the artwork and you see that their bodies are, in fact, made up of string-like fungal hyphae. Pretty creepy, and I do like the large mushrooms in the background, implying that this particular Thallid variant is tiny.
Thallid #4 is another awesome-looking creature, a lanky humanoid figure whose 'head' just... tapers off into another fungal stalk. Again, it's comprised almost entirely out of the vine-like/worm-like fungal hyphae, a pretty insteresting direction to take a fungal monster as opposed to just a toadstool man. Honestly, pretty awesome-looking.
Like the Thrulls and Homarids, the Thallids also have more powerful variants, with the Thorn Thallid receiving four alternate -- and, oh, very different looking pieces of artwork. Thorn Thallid #1 doesn't actually look much like a fungal monster, honestly looking far, far more demonic or horror-like than what you expect a "fungal monster" would be. Three screaming mouths with demonic teeth, a somewhat brain-like consistency on its upper head, two beady-like eyes, giant puffballs in lieu of tongues, and root/hyphae-like tentacles reaching down? What is this thing? It's just so bizarrely psychotic-looking that if not for the puffballs and roots, I would've pegged this as a thrull or a demon. Absolutely love that flavour text, too. "The danger in cultivating massive plants caught the elves by surprise."
I don't think any card in Fallen Empires actually explicitly says it, but M:TG wiki tells me that apparently the elves used some Ebon Hand techniques in farming the Thallids, so it's no real surprise that the fungi went into an uprising similar to the thrulls.
Thorn Thallid #2, on the other hand, looks far more peaceful and far less fungal-like, and he just looks so adorable! He's got a gigantic armadillo shell with spieks, two almost bug-like eyes, and an adorable little trunk that it uses to shoot out spores. Best of all are those two adorable, stubby little hands and the legs that I assume makes squelching noises while it waddles around. Not super fungus-like, honestly, but a pretty damn adorable-looking monster nonetheless.
Thorn Thallid #3 is far of a more abstract-looking critter, definitely looking like it's based somewhat on the sort of fungus that grows on walls or on your bread as opposed to the far more solid, tangible-looking ones. That's a creepy-looking face, for sure. The Thorn Thallids' effect, instead of making saproling babies, shoots thorns at the enemies, which is... actually pretty laughable considering you have to wait three turns for a single point of damage. I'm not well-versed in M:TG, but even I know that it's not particularly useful.
Thorn Thallid #4 doesn't actually look particularly thorny, but I absolutely love how it's basically a fungal octopus, with four thick, fleshy tentacles and a head similar to generic Thallid #1 that I presume are spore-sacks. Pretty neat. This card's flavour text notes that scholars will debate on whether the thallids are truly sentient, with the M:TG wiki noting that the thallids aren't actually sentient -- they just mimic what they saw others do, apparently.
Feral Thallid is actually kind of boring, just a large, naked gray humanoid figure with a bug face stapled on to it. It's the most straight-up strongest thallids in the set, though I don't find this one particularly interesting.
Thallid Devourer, on the other hand, looks pretty damn badass, basically looking like Thallid #4 up above, but far, far more badass looking, with a far more gorilla-like body layout, "mouth" tendrils that reach to the ground to drain nutrition from that unfortunate animal, and the hyphae that runs down its back gives the neat impression of bristles. Pretty awesome-looking beast, actually, and I actually prefer that the Thallid Devourer manages to give off the impression of a face without actually having one. Its effect allows you to spawn Saprolings, as well as cannibalize them for a temporary buff.
Spore Flower is... huh, it's a pretty interesting artwork, huh? I thought this was an enchantment before reading the card properly, and apparently "Spore Flower" is a fungus, if not a sub-type of thallids. Although fungi doesn't actually form flowers! And flowers don't actually have spores, spores are a strictly fungi thing! Are these a thallid subtype that has grown to mimic flowers? Whatever the case, they work with the same spore-counter mechanic, although in Spore Flower's case, it unleashes a spore blast that causes other creatures to basically 'sleep' and be unable to deal damage. Kind of a bizarre one to end our Thallid coverage at, actually.
Night Soil is an enchantment that received three variant artworks, and while the first two are just neat depictions of fungal farming, the third one has an adorable little flat, lizard/frog-like creature with multiple red eyes (?) on it. Whether this is a Saproling or a small Thallid, I'm not sure. Is there even a difference? Night Soil #3's flavour text is pretty chilling, too, noting how the thallids gathered large piles of rot to grow fungus, but it's unknown if it's "out of imitation [of the elves] or forethought".
I'm afraid that neither Red nor White is going to get me quite as excited as Black's Thrulls, Green's Thallids, or Blue's merfolk/homarid combo. The titular fallen kingdom for Red is the nameless dwarven kingdom of the Crimson Peaks, which fell so early during these conflicts that the flavour text for Dwarven Soldier notes that even the name of the dwarven kingdom has been lost to time. Dwarven Soldier has three art variants, but they're... they're dwarves, all right! Beards, short, vaguely Viking-inspired.
We've got three more dwarven-themed cards in Red, with Dwarven Armorer doing the whole "dwarfs are master craftsmen" trope sommonly seen in RPG's; Dwarven Lieutenant as the tribal boss, and Dwarven Catapult as a fun little instant to give some flavour to them. I really don't have anything to say here, though. They don't do anything particularly new for dwarves, and none of the artworks are super-interesting.
And that's because the poor dwarves have to share their colour with not one, but two factions. First up are the Brassclaw Orcs, one of the villains that ended up causing the downfall of the dwarven kingdom. I do like the fact that the artwork alternates on giving the orcs red or green skin, and the gigantic X-23-style claws that Brassclaw Orc #3 has does admittedly look pretty cool. Brassclaw Orcs #4 have an equally cool set of four-clawed gauntlets, too.
The orcs and goblins introduced in the Red colour do double duty as the forces that not only destroyed the Red-allied dwarves of Crimson Peak, but also the White kingdom of Icatia.
I do like how hilarious the artwork for Orcish Spy #2 is, looking absolutely cartoonish. Orcish Spy #3 also has a fun artwork of a clearly panicked orc, and the flavour text notes that these cowardly orcs can't be allowed to mingle with the spies, because they are cowards and they'll be afraid to fight when they realize what they're up against.
Orcish Captain is... wow, that's an ugly-ass thing, isn't it? A face that just blends into his shoulders, a completely malformed nose... again, while I would enjoy the consistency M:TG employs later on, I do kind of miss just how variable the orcs and goblins of early Magic expansions can be.
Meanwhile, Orgg, who "is bigger than it thinks", is apparently not a unique orc champion, but rather established as a half-breed between orcs and ogres. It has an appropriately hideous face, and a closer inspection shows that it actually has four arms! Pretty neat little addition to what could otherwise be a pretty boring monster.
More goblins! I love goblins! Hahaha, I absolutely love how the card name is called Goblin Warriors, but the artwork depicts a tired goblin mother supervising like a half-dozen screeching, running goblin brats running around and destroying a dining room. They breed a lot, apparently!
Receiving four artwork variants is the enchantment Goblin Drums, which are mostly quasi-serious artwork, especially art variant #2 there which looks pretty epic! Not much to say here, pretty neat little confirmation about how the goblins and orcs are working together to crush the silly dwarves.
Goblin Flottila actually shows a reasonably neat looking artwork of a bunch of battle-ready goblins on a wooden boat. Kinda badass, maybe, but I absolutely love how the flavour text actually tells us that goblins are shit sailors and they will be crippled with motion sickness by the time they reach their destination.
Meanwhile, Goblin Kites is an enchantment that features a goblin standing on a very unsafe-looking patchwork flying machine that looks like it's falling apart. Hell, it's a miracle that the goblin kiteman can even stand on that wooden cross! And the goblin uses the advantage of flight to... drop last week's leftovers on the enemy, apparently. What, did they run out of grenades?
GOBLIN CHIRURGEON. What? Whaaaat? Chirurgeon #1 is a hilariously comical-looking fat goblin with a surgeon's coat and head-cap, trying to thread a string into a needle while oodles of green goop are splotched onto his medical apron. Meanwhile, in the background, apparently his tools include spare limbs. That's such a hilariously funny piece of artwork!
Meanwhile, Goblin Chirurgeon #2 has a doctor's coat and a head-mirror, and is apparently stitching some hideous albino elf head onto the body of a tiger-man. The effects of these back-alley goblin surgeons is apparently sacrificing a goblin you control to regenerate a different creature, so presumably the chirurgeon butchers one of their fellow goblins to regenerate a more important one.
Chirurgeon #3 has a pretty bizarre artwork of him sawing another goblin's foot, presumably to attach it to the blue-chainmail goblin patiently waiting behind him. The 'donor' goblin seems pretty damn fine with it, though, perhaps because goblins are pretty fucking crazy.
Goblin Grenade is another card that receives three variations, and it's a sorcery! It's a trope that I'm most familiar with thanks to World of Warcraft, and, again, I'm not sure which media can claim goblins as manic bomber-men first. This first artwork variation really showcases an utterly manic goblin that's happy to kamikaze itself onto the enemy -- exactly what the effect of the card does.
Goblin Grenade #2 looks far more badass, with the goblin holding an awesome, spiky spear, armed head to toe (well, to wait) with spiky gladiatorial armour, and seemingly holding a spiky barrel-shaped grenade as big as itself with a pin pulled via a long chain. Pretty damn badass!
Meanwhile, Goblin Grenade #3 is the exact opposite flavour, looking like an utterly dumb-looking goblin running in front of a surprised dwarf while holding a smoking bomb. This card probably has the most hilarious lampshade hanging flavour text, too. "I don't suppose we could teach them to throw the cursed things?"
So the Ebon Hand fell to the thrulls, the elves fell to the thallids, Vodalia fell to the homarids, and the dwarves are crushed by the goblin-orc alliance. The final empire to stand in Sarpadia is the fortress city of Icatia, represented by White, and it's theme is... valiant human soldiers defending their city. Eventually they get overwhelmed by a combined army of goblins, orcs, thallids and thrulls.
Icatian Infantry has four artwork variants, and I do like how the artworks in #3 and #4 shows off what appear to be conscripted soldiers, while #1 and #2 has a more ornate-looking, almost hero-like armour plates.
The Order of Leitbur have three different art styles, and they just show pretty knights on pretty horses. They're like the paladins of the land, sworn to defend the land from orcs, goblins and the Order of the Ebon Hand.
Normally wouldn't include these here, but I kinda like that we actually have some story to go behind these otherwise pretty boring soldiers. Icatian Phalanx, Icatian Lieutenant and Icatian Priest are part of a bigger army, the only last bastion of nice people in the land, and they're just doing their best to defend their city before it falls.
Relatively minor enemies in the grand scheme of things are the Farrelite Cult, represented by a couple of cards in this set. It's formed by a renegade member of the Order of Leitbur that tried to form a more destructive and militant force of paladin-priest things, wanting to take the battle to the Ebon Hand. I don't necessarily think that this particular sub-plot is communicated as well as the other conflicts in the set, though, only finding it out after googling "Farrelite Priest". Apparently this Farrelite Priest is condemning that poor, cartoonish-looking goblin!
Farrel's Zealot received three card arts, and... and they're honestly kind of boring, just sort of telling a pretty vague story about the Farrelite Cult. Still, I do especially like the artwork for #2. That dude really can't get enough of knives! Also, despite their attempts to take a militant, rogue stance and battling both the Order of the Ebon Hand, as well as Icatia itself, they ended up getting royally fucked over.
The other Avatar card in this set is Hand of Justice, who is rocking a really spiky gravity-defying mustache. Apparently it's the avatar of whatever deity that Oliver Farrel and his cult worships, but that didn't save them from the onslaught of the many, many villains in this set, did it? Not particularly impressed with this card's flavour, actually.
Still, as disappointing as White ended up being, Fallen Empires ended up as one of the most flavourful sets of early Magic, one that ended up actually telling the stories of the titular fallen empires while also delivering some of the most flavourful mechanics and lore, as far as I can tell. I'm actually enjoying reviewing these older sets a lot more than I thought I would. Anyway, next up is a big set -- Ice Age, which I've mentioned for a while, and is sort of the culmination of a "the world is changing" subplot that ran through Antiquities, The Dark and Fallen Empires.
The Dark:
Again, there are a bunch of creatures that I do skip over. While I tend to be a bit thorough with Black, Murk Dwellers and The Fallen are two that don't really give me that much to talk about. Murk Dwellers has interesting artwork, and The Fallen is a face I'm going to see in my nightmares so good job on whoever drew that. Both are, interestingly enough, 'mere' Zombies. You'd think that The Fallen is some sort of corrupted sorcerer, or a straight-up demon, based on his description.
A bunch of Black spells! I really do like that bizarre worm-tongued demon-beast that is bound in the artwork for Word of Binding. Again, due to the whole swamp theme for Black, I really do like that Marsh Gas is a card.
You'd think that Ghost Ship would be a Black or a Blue/Black creature, actually... and, also, I'm sometimes a bit confused why a ship wouldn't be considered an artifact creature. I guess because there's a ghost (or a bunch of ghosts) possessing it? Merfolk Assassin's a pretty neat little sneak-peek to M:TG's return of giving Blue a bunch of merfolks as a constantly-supported race, and while the artwork's simple, I do like how... expressive it is.
I really do like the bizarre sea-slug-fairies featured in Dance of Many, actually. Also, this set has a bunch more of obvious marine/aquatic-themed cards, I feel.
Even more water-based spells and whatnot! Check out that unfortunate merman being stuck on that Tangle Kelp. Silly Merman!
These four creatures very nearly made the list, but I then realized that I just included them because I like animals, and these are... well, they're nice animals to put into a card game, but the artwork's kind of boring, aren't they? Plus, we need to leave some space to talk about the Thallids and Thrulls. So let's talk about them in slightly more in-depth here! Giant Shark is, unless I'm mistaking anything, our first shark creature in M:TG, although sadly 'shark' would just be retconned into being just another subtype of fish. Poor Jaws! Electric Eel is a pretty fun little 'weak' fish creature to play into Blue's water theme, and interestingly, of all things it's Electric Eel that ends up being one of the "traitor" cards that support its normal enemy, Red, instead.
Marsh Viper is... it's a nice-looking viper, and continues the same poison counter mechanic as (hee hee) Snake Generator from Legends, but it's otherwise just a snake. Whippoorwill (googles)... wow, that's an actual name for a real-life bird! What a fun name to say! Whippoorwill whippoorwill whippoorwill whippoorwill. The more you know!
Green gets a bunch of "just humans living in the forest". Including "People of the Woods", which aren't actually elves! Damn posers. Absolutely love that deranged look on Scavenger Folk over there, too.
A bunch of Green spells that kind of look neat. I'm not sure what that bramble-creature is doing on the artwork of Gaea's Touch. It's like going "oooh, a nice flower!" while... strangling a tree?
I find it hilarious that the races of Brothers of Fire and Sisters of the Flame are just "Sisters" and "Brothers". Also, among some of the returning races is orc, represented here with Orc General. Don't think we've seen an orc since the original set.
There are more goblin cards in The Dark, but Goblin Wizard is just kind of... there. It's an ugly goblin all right, and it's a wizard all right. Meanwhile, Goblin Shrine and Goblin Caves are a fun pair of supporting cards that show off goblin culture, and I do like the flavour text on both of them.
Bunch of red spells, and I do like Blood Moon presumably depicting the darkened world, something that the set actually isn't particularly good at communicating.
A bunch of White creatures that... well, at least they look different this time around! I like Squire. He looks appropriately Squire-y. Knights of Thorn also has some pretty badass-looking mask-hood set.
I find it interesting that "Brainwash" is a White spell. I mean, I get it, religion and law sometimes have the side-effect of brainwashing people, but this is the first set where White actually starts to get cards that play the whole trope of lawful people doing horrible things.
For those of you who prefer White spells to be the wrath of godly deities, we have the awesomely-named Fire And Brimstone.
"Dust to Dust" forms a nice pair with the Black sorcery "Ashes to Ashes", which I thought was neat. Also, whoever Tivadar is, his/her crusade is apparently out to murder and quarter all goblinkind. Goblin Slayer, is that you? Dark Heart of the Wood is actually a pretty neat image of just a black heart randomly floating in the middle of the forest.
We've got a couple of new Lands, but none of them other than City of Shadows really do anything to portray the supposed "Dark" that's going on any more impressively than the other non-Land cards. Hell, the sky in the artwork of Sorrow's Path is still light!
As usual, I find myself really at a loss of words as to what to say about the Artifact cards in M:TG. Barl's Cage has a neat-looking artwork, and the concept of a Living Armor is neat, but I really just don't find any of them interesting.
Honestly, I'm actually not sure why some of these aren't actual Lands. Like, I get that maybe it's a gameplay thing, but cards called "Standing Stones" and "Barl's Cage" really don't feel like it's an artifact, but an actual location.
A bunch of "just a thing" artifacts. Really don't have anything to say here.
More "just a thing" artifacts. Not much to say here.
I actually like that we don't actually get to see much of the Diabolic Machine other than what appears to be a pair of eyes and gears crushing some poor schmuck. That's a neat way to portray a "diabolic machine" for sure.
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Fallen Empires:
All four of these are the same card: the Hymn to Tourach, and the titular Tourach is apparently the founder and high priest of the Ebon Hand Order. I do appreciate that they at least made different flavour text for the different variants.
The evil Tourach is mentioned in two other Black cards, Tourach's Chant and Tourach's Gate. And... wow, I really do talk a lot about Thrulls, huh?
While I understand giving multiple pieces of artwork to represent a type of original creature like the Thrulls or the Thallids, Merseine really didn't need four different types of artwork! The name's pretty fun, though, with seine, of course, being a type of weighted fishing net. The idea of catching merfolk with a net is a flavourful one, but, again, I see why some people think that the alternate artwork ended up being a wee bit too much.
That second and third High Tide artworks are actually pretty nice. Is this how merfolk cowboys deliver their pre-asskicking one-liner? "It's hiiiigh tide."
While High Tide's three different artworks are pretty neat and flavourful, the three different artworks for Tidal Flats just fall flat for me. OOOOOH.
While I tried to include most of the creature cards, especially since we're heading into some interesting faction-vs-faction stuff, River Merfolk and Seasinger just really didn't give me much to talk about. They're pretty neat, though, to help bulk up the general look and feel of a vast merfolk kingdom.
The three-artwork'd Spore Cloud is meant to represent one of the Thallids' abilities to attack, and spore explosions are definitely a pretty flavourful fungal method of attacking! Fungal Bloom, is another pretty neat fungus-themed enchantment, and its card art clearly depicts a Brain Mushroom.
Green actually makes pretty good usage of its card to sell the elves-vs-thallid struggle, and not a lot of the cards feel redundant. Thelon's Chant, Thelon's Curse and Thelonite Druid all refer to a single character, Thelon, who's sort of like the patron for the elves of the forest or something. I think we actually see the character in a future set?
Well, I just sort of ran out of things to say for some of the orcs. Orcish Veteran received four different prints, and.... what's there to say? The first one here looks positively cartoonish, but screams "weak goblins" more than orcs. The second one actually looks pretty dang old, fitting with one connotation of veteran, while that last one looks like a goddamn badass, fitting with the other connotation of veteran.
Icatia's Combat Medic is another card that received four different alternate arts. They're... they're neat, actually, and I absolutely love how that third art has the combat medic riding a giant, bulky tusked beast tattooed with what I assume is the Icatian version of a red cross. Pretty neat ambulance-beast thing!
The first three artworks for Icatian Scout are pretty bland, but that last one is apparently riding on some giant demon bat for no real reason, and has one hell of a dapper costume going on. Just because you're conscripted in a cleric-paladin army doesn't mean you can't do cool shit like this, apparently! You go, Icatian Scout #4, show them how badass you and your giant bat are!
Icatian Moneychanger is a card concept that I find really hilarious. Sadly, we don't get any flavour text since that's one hell of a long effect, but I find it hilarious that of all things, this money-counting people ended up getting three alternate art pieces. Icatian Town is a fun little card, too, showing just how militarized Icatia has been, what with the town's citizens basically ready to pick up arms and fight against orcs and goblins.
Really tried to say something about the three variants of Icatian Javelineers, but they're just people with javelins. Likewise for Icatian Skirmishers.
I'm legitimately not sure what "Delif's Cone" is supposed to be. Is it a tower? A bridge? Just a random segment of spiky, lightning-emitting geometry?
Acolipile and Draconian Cylix does admittedly have cool-sounding names. But, again, artifacts just sort of feel boring to me. I recognize that they do add flavour to the set, and it's an archetype that's important to the game, but, jeez, I really find so many of these so boring.
A bunch more of "just a magical item" Artifacts. I really don't have anything to say here.
A bunch of dwarf-related lands, like Dwarven Ruins and Dwarven Hold, but neither of them actually do anything with dwarves.
Presumably, that Svydunite Temple is where the merfolks and/or lobster-people go to pray? Eh.
A bunch of land! Nothing, really, to say here. The artworks are nice, but I really don't have much to say here.
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