Reviewing Monsters - Final Fantasy VII, Part 10

It's amazing just how much content they packed into FFVII, huh? Story-wise, if nothing else. Sure, the localization is questionable and some of the story beats have a huge sense of 'guide dang it' to the whole thing (particularly the bit with the Key of the Ancients), but otherwise there's a surprisingly large amount of content packed here. And it felt like content, unlike a certain other Final Fantasy title that I've covered earlier in this blog.

Story-wise, at this point it's basically the buildup to the final showdown of the game, where our heroes finally have the power to fight against some of the setting's biggest hitters. It's a bit of a back-and-forth, but Weapons start falling down to the party or to Shinra, who soon end up falling, before, well, the final showdown with Sephiroth. This segment basically covers the huge climax of Disc 2, and the beginning of Disc 3. 

Diamond Weapon

So after completing the whole Huge Materia series of quests and going to the Forgotten City to get some clues about what Aerith was trying to do, this guy rises out of the ocean and starts to stop like Godzilla to Midgar. Which is pretty damn cool to see on the overworld! Also, the Weapons themselves have been titanic beings that have proven to be pretty much untouchable to your party. Sapphire Weapon isn't even fought and gets killed by Shinra's big mako cannon in cutscenes. Ultima Weapon shows up, laughs at you and stomps your party in a story-mandated loss. Emerald Weapon swims around the ocean like a demon, daring you to try and fight it. 

And then this guy, Diamond Weapon, is the first Weapon you fight, and the first weapon you defeat. The design is honestly pretty simple as far as these giant Godzilla-meets-Gundam-meets-Tokusatsu-design-sensibilities Final Fantasy bosses are. Honestly, it reminds me too much of the Qubeley from Mobile Suit Gundam half the time, but I really still do love just how titanic its giant shoulder-pads (which of course contain missile pods) and its massive skirt is. And in the FMV cutscenes, I also do like its giant chicken-looking feet, which I thought gave it a fun sense of charm that elevates it beyond being just a regular giant robot. 

In the actual battle Diamond Weapon is just huge and tough, although he doesn't have a whole ton of tricks up his sleeve beyond 'big damage'. There's one of his skills that has a countdown, which is actually scarier than it actually is... but the sheer impact of seeing this guy rise out of the ocean in the overworld map, the FMV's of it doing so, and ultimately the fact that your party doesn't beat it and merely just drive it off into the path of Shinra's Sister Ray cannon (which drains the entire power of Midgar, Neon Genesis Evangelion style) really does help set up just how badass these giant things are. 

Cromwell & Crazy Saw

After a bit of a fake-out where it seemed like we were going to challenge Sephiroth in the Northern Crater (wait for Disc 3, boys!) turns out that the final dungeon for Disc 2 is... Midgar! Again! With the remnants of Shinra's higher-ups going wild, our heroes return to Midgar to fight a bunch of their goons and retake the city that they spent so much time in the first half of the game in for the people. It's actually pretty cool; and the fact that we dealt with a lot of villains who's been built up throughout the game is also pretty awesome. The enemies in Midgar this time around is an interesting mix of enemies we've fought before and a bunch of new ones. Cromwell here is just a tank, a repaint of the Gun Carrier that hangs around the underwater reactor base. It's named after a real-life tank!

Crazy Saw is a repaint of the "Moth Slasher" enemies that hung out in Shinra HQ in the first act of the game, a lot of what I said about the robot applies here, and I do kind of like to see the return of these kooky Shinra robots. The name's nowhere as baffling as "Moth Slasher", though.

Manhole

This is an... interesting one? Manhole here is just a bizarre devil-imp-man with horns and claws that pop out of the ground, holding a manhole above his head. Kind of cute, but not the most interesting enemy and one that I felt to be kind of bizarre in a location where most of the enemies are Shinra's robotic weapons, soldiers or bioweapons. The Manhole always spawns with two other "covered" manholes, and the actual body will sometimes move around the different manholes -- which makes any attacks that you do on its previous position 'wasted'. It also has access to different elemental spells depending on its position. A gimmicky and interesting enemy, but not one that I feel I'll find to be particularly memorable. 

Behemoth

Oh, you exist in this one, too! The Behemoths are so ubiquitous in Final Fantasy XIII that it's actually surprising to see the Behemoth so late in the game, and as a relatively more uncommon enemy. Again, most of you guys probably already know what the real-life mythological behemoth is. FFVII's Behemoth is basically how it usually looks in the franchise, a giant monstrous four-legged purple beast with two massive horns. This game's version gives me sort of like a weird large-cat-fused-with-a-horse vibe? I'm not sure, I guess it's the shape of the neck and legs. Regardless, it's a pretty neat-looking 'behemoth'. I guess since you fight these guys as you climb up Shinra's facilities, they are either chimeric creations of Shinra or just captured specimens? It's actually a surprisingly tame enemy at this stage of the game, all things considered; a lot of the robots and their confusion-inflicting abilities are actually significantly more annoying. 

Being a staple enemy in Final Fantasy, a "Type-Zero Behemoth" shows up in the remake's Shinra Headquarters raid. It's basically got most of the same details intact, but with a (sadly) no longer purple skin, and an extra very cool set of organic armour over the upper part of its head. I love how it basically turns the Behemoth's eyes into like, slits or something. So yeah, Hojo is definitely experimenting with these giant beasts! The VII-remake one explicitly identifies the Behemoths as actually being highly mutated people injected with Jenova cells. The fact that they don't really even look human anymore beyond some of the musculature makes it extra spooky!

Shadow Maker

A brand-new Shinra tank turret! This one is probably my favourite just because of how bafflingly odd-looking it is. It looks like something out of Dr. Seuss! As usual, I don't have a whole ton to say about these tank turrets, they just look pretty neat. Despite its name, Shadow Makers don't actually make shadows, but just shoot weird slowing lightning bolts. 

Elena

Since I've been skipping straight-up repeated enemies, I will note that your party actually fights Reno and Rude multiple times after their first appearance, particularly in the Huge Materia side-quest. You fight Rude and Reno in the sunken Gelnika; you fight Rude in the Rocket Town; and finally, depending on your dialogue choices, you can fight all three of the surviving Turks -- Reno, Rude and Elena -- in the Midgar Underground as they show up as a last-ditch effort to stop your party from entering Midgar proper. By actually helping the Turks out in Wutai, though, apparently I got the option to skip this fight entirely, something that I wasn't even aware I could do -- I thought I was just being a smart-ass by saying 'no, I don't want to fight'. So I never actually got to experience the Rude/Reno/Elena fight. I do like the Turks a lot. Apparently, this final battle is pretty hard as my friend and other online guides say, mostly because Reno hits for huge bursts of damage while Elena will constantly cause your party to get confused. After being treated as the butt-monkey joke of the group, it's nice that Elena's actually one of the more threatening ones in this fight. 

Proud Clod

After emerging from the underground and into Sector Eight, the two most evil and recurring Shinra executives, Heidegger and Scarlet (a.k.a. 'gyaah ha ha' and 'kyaa ha ha'), show up in a giant robot that's touted as an "anti-Weapon" weapon. It's... it's a lot smaller than the Godzilla-sized monsters outside, though I do like the look of this one. A giant cannon pointing up from behind the back, and four giant arms with long claws? And it can transform into a spider-turret thing for some attacks? Again, I don't tend to have a whole ton to critique or comment about robotic enemies, but I did actually find the Proud Clod pretty damn cool.

What's not cool, though, are the mistranslated English names. Proud Clod is actually more accurately translated as "Proud Clad" (FFXIII's counterpart translated this one properly), which makes a whole lot more sense to call a suit of armour as something you clad yourself in instead of calling your super-powerful weapon a derogative term implying stupidity. Although that term certainly applies to Heidegger and Scarlet. The little mini-enemy, Proud Clod's chest armour, is likewise mistranslated into "Jamar Armor" from "Jammer Armor". Anyway, a pretty cool giant robot.

Grosspanzer

I can't actually find a good image on the wiki of the full Grosspanzer tank, but it's actually three parts that combine into a single tank. Typical Final Fantasy "each part has its own HP pool and attacks" thing that they do like to use for like, airships and tanks and whatnot. The name "Grosspanzer" is just delightful, isn't it? The base part of the tank is called Grosspanzer-Mobile, and it's got a huge spinning spiky roller-thing! And the two turrets on top of it are called Grosspanzer-Big and Grosspanzer-Small respectively. Not a whole ton to say, it sure is a more impressive sci-fi tank than the Cromwell is for sure. 

SOLDIER:1st & Maximum Kimaira

"Cloud Strife, First-Class SOLDIER". Yeah, since this is (presumably) the last time Shinra's going to be relevant, you finally get to meet and fight the First-Class SOLDIERs that Cloud Strife and Zack Fair are! I actually kind of wished that they're just Cloud's character model with a helmet, but they basically do dress up in the same baggy-pants purple outfit that Cloud has, yeah? Just with two shoulder pads instead of one, and a huge pokey lance instead of a big Buster Sword. Not too much to say here since they're honestly not that troublesome (beyond using the Silence spell a lot) but I do find it to be pretty cool that they included these SOLDIERs that our heroes slowly beat as they become stronger and stronger. 

Maximum Kimaira (obviously "Maximum Chimera") is a repainted version of the Harpy/Chimera enemies that roam the area around Gold Saucer. I don't actually encounter a single Maximum Kimaira during my playthrough, although it sure does have pretty cool set of colours? 

XCannon

Because the regular tanks and the myriad tiny little weapon-emplacement turrets aren't enough, as you near the end of the 'Return to Midgar' scenario you get to find these guys. I love just how utterly decorative these giant cannons are, with little hanging talismans under the tip of the cannon and the barrel being decorated with fire decals. Honestly, if not for its size and the fact that it's being carried on top of a turtle robot thing, this would probably look more like a fireworks-shooting machine! Despite its massive model and its pretty imposing look, XCannon just stands there and counts down, allowing your party to wail on its massive pool of HP. And when it does count down, the damage it deals is pretty low. Still, kind of cute, and it does make you wonder if this is merely just a prototype for the larger Sister Ray/Mako Cannon thing that is far more relevant to the plot. 

Professor Hojo

Hell yea Hojo! The crazy mad scientist who I thought wasn't going to be relevant turns out to keep showing up in backstories related to Sephiroth, Aerith, Cloud and Vincent, and the more you learn about this fucker the more you realize that Hojo isn't just responsible for weaponizing Mako and Jenova cells, but... pretty much everything involved in Sephiroth's rise to evil and the horrible, horrible circumstances that landed Vincent, Cloud, Aerith, Red XIII and arguably even Shinra Corporation themselves in the big doo-doo that they are in. It's actually a lot more than what I expected from what I thought was just going to be a regular evil scientist. Anyway, as the story is up to this point, Hojo basically takes over the Sister Ray Cannon and attempts to sacrifice Midgar and turn the entire city's worth of Mako energy to feed Sephiroth's power. For his biological son, you understand, but mostly also for SCIENCE.

And he's also a boss. If you don't bring Red XIII and Vincent into this fight, you kind of lose roleplay points, really. He's also a multi-phase boss, something that makes him infinitely more memorable than the repetitive Jenova fights we've had earlier in the game. Regular scientist-man Hojo has green skin after injecting himself with Jenova cells, but he's basically just a prelude. All this human form does is to toss out 'sample capsules' containing the Bad Rap and Poodler enemies from the crashed Gelnika... kinda actually wished that he tossed out Unknowns instead, but okay. 

Helletic Hojo

Then he transforms, Resident Evil style, into his second form, Heretic -- sorry, Helletic -- Hojo. And I've actually thought that it's a terrible mistranslation until I saw the extra L in that word and I realize it's a pun! Helletic Hojo is easily my favourite Hojo form, mostly because of that yawning, screaming face that's just stretched out, a bunch of bony spikes and random orbs and dripping globules of flesh all over the place, and I love just how the lower body is just a huge, vaguely snail-like mass while the main body just undulates upwards like some sort of plant. Hojo's two arms are one of those 'these has separate HP blocks' sort of enemies, and they look different! The right arm is a bony trident and the left arm is just a mass of thick tentacles. Unlike something like the Proud Clod or the Grosspanzer, though, Helletic Hojo can actually regrow his arms if you blow them up... which makes sense, he is a monstrous, regenerating bio-cancer monster. The way to get rid of him most reliably is to kill both arms at the same time, at which point Helletic Hojo's central body will writhe and seemingly collapse upon himself...

Lifeform Hojo-N

...and turn into Lifeform Hojo-N. It's kind of a typical Japanese anime/manga/video game trope that applies to most things that aren't Resident Evil, really, where a 'final boss' turns into a gross, misshapen form before finally coalescing into a 'perfected' form. Ultimate Lifeform Hojo-N is actually pretty cool, though, and I do like just how alien he looks. With his legs fused into one and his arms turning into spiky stumps; one of which ending in a Mew-looking whip-tail that spins around its lower body, I actually appreciate that Lifeform Hojo-N isn't as over-the-top as some Final Fantasy boss final forms can be. It's simple, it gets the point across, and I absolutely love that faceless head and the colours used for this one. My own personal tastes does admittedly gravitate more to a monster design like the Helletic form, but Hojo-N is actually a pretty badass looking creepy alien-man.

Hojo's two 'super forms' essentially act similarly, focusing on launching barrages of every single status effects in the games, and Hojo-N is able to actually inflict all of them at once. He's a pretty fun battle, and after taking down Hojo, you actually take down all of Shinra's higher-ups (the evil ones, at least), rescue Midgar, and after a bit of a closing cutscene where the party essentially reaffirms their loyalty to each other and the cause, set the stage for the climactic confrontation in Disc 3!

...after I do a lot of sidequests, of course. 

Ultimate Weapon

As Disc 3 starts up, the NPC's urge you to go and immediately fight Sephiroth... or you could do some sidequests! One of them is to beat up Ultimate Weapon, which, despite its title and its very prominent  cutscene that ended the first disc, isn't actually the most powerful Weapon (that'd be the post-game super-bosses Emerald and Ruby, at least as far as FFVII is concerned), but it's certainly the Weapon that bugs you a lot! Ultimate Weapon is the most prominent one featured in that one cutscene, and you even fight it once in Mideel as an unwinnable battle -- your objective in that battle is basically to end the battle without dying. 

Once you start the 'Disc 3' segment, Ultimate Weapon will appear near a huge crater in Junon, and wander the overworld and you have to keep fighting it and chasing it all around the planet. It retains the damage from previous battles, and after whittling his health down he will ultimately have a last stand above Cosmo Canyon where you slay the Ultimate Weapon once and for all. And... design wise it sure is like a combination of Godzilla, a dragon and a robot? It's got a fun centaur body and a very humanoid upper body (which allows for some neat cutscenes), and I do like that. Ultimately its design is honestly nothing special especially compared to the sheer amount of other giant Final Fantasy bosses, but the actual execution of this boss as this giant monster that you have to chase down over multiple battles is certainly well done. 

Rilfsak

After beating up Ultimate Weapon, it blows the heck up, and creates a gigantic crater that grants access to the area known as Ancient Forest. It's... let's just say it took me way longer than is healthy to actually get through that area. It's a puzzle area that's... not the most easy to get through, let me put it that way. One of the new enemies is this guy, Rilfsak (apparently a corruption of "leaf suck" or "leaf sac"), which is kinda cool! It's like, this leaf with a single eyeball on one side and an empty leaf hole on the other, and its stalk is just this long, thin, fish-bone-looking 'spine' which terminates in... a peacock feather? It's sort of like a sentient fan made out of organic components. Kind of bizarre, but I do like this one. It's also annoyingly evasive, so you need to specifically use magic against this guy.

Epiolnis & Diablo

The other enemies in the Ancient Forest are repaints, with Epiolnis being a repaint of the Levrikons around the Chocobo farm; while the Diablo are repaints of the Velcher Task enemies in... around rocket launch town? I really don't remember the Velcher Task enemy at all, sorry, even though they are pretty neat frog-dragon monsters. Not a wholen ton to say about either one of these, they sure are neat enemies. 

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Bahamut ZERO

Obtained only if you recovered both the Bahamut and Neo-Bahamut materia, and completed all of the Huge Materia sidequests (which you can apparently fail!), you'll be given with the final super-duper ultimate summon materia, Bahamut ZERO. Which is basically Bahamut, but more metallic and even bigger, with six wings. And the animation is pretty neat, you zoom out into space. Bahamut Zero is a space dragon god! Who essentially acts as an orbital satellite nuke! ...and Barret already has one of those as his level three limit break, but hush. Honestly, while kind of not really innovating too much on a giant dragon god, you really don't need a Bahamut in these Final Fantasy games to be much more than that.

Typhon

Mistranslated as "Typoon" in some editions of FFVII, this guy is found in the Ancient Forest. While he shares his name with a Greek monster, instead of the many-headed dragon creature, FFVII's Typhon is a bizarre fat genie-like creature that has more in common with Ghostbusters' Slimer or something. It's apparently the design that Typhon appeared in as a villain in the original Final Fantasy, and has been remarkably consistent as a two-headed horned pink ghost creature. Not very apparent on this picture is that it's got a second, vaguely eel-man-looking face on its back. And its attack, Disintegration is just... kind of weird. Typhon breathes out some green beam from his nose, which creates a whirlwind around the enemy, then the second face... flips the world around and the enemy just falls 'down' with chunks of the once-ground onto some sort of formless void? It sure is bizarre. I love just how over-the-top these Summons are in attacking.