One Piece 1119 Review: Franky Has Haki?

One Piece, Chapter 1119: Emeth

So yeah, this is an... interesting chapter? We start off with a page just developing the Stussy/Kaku arc. A freed Kaku is doing something straight out of Lassie, telling Stussy a bunch of mean stuff in the hopes that she'd bug off and leave him... but the expression on Kaku's face has him clearly conflicted about all the hateful stuff he's throwing at Stussy. Kaku notes that Rob Lucci is so much of a professional psychopath that he won't be forgiving of Stussy for her previous betrayal, and would kill Stussy with no remorse.

We don't really dwell on this for too long, though, because we cut back to Luffy and Bonney's zany goofiness in their Nika forms. The Marines panic, the Giants rejoice, and Saint Marcus Mars describes it as a 'facsimile created with age-age powers'. And... I'm not the biggest fan of the subsequent action scene mostly because I don't really follow the logic ('real' logic or toon-force logic) behind it. Luffy notes, rightfully, that Mars can't be hurt with normal means, so he wants his friends to attack him and he'll rebound everything at Mars at full force? I guess the whole point wasn't that "Gear Fifth can damage the Gorosei", but he really just wants to knock Mars away? It's a bit weird. 

Luffy turns into his giant balloon form to block Mars's flamethrower, and there's a deliciously demonic panel as an on-fire balloon-Luffy's arms stretch out and grab onto Mars in his itsumade form. We get a triple combo attack as Sanji combines Ifrit Jambe and Hell Memories; Franky unleashes an 'Impactful' Strong Right, and Bonney mimics an Elephant Gun with Giant Nika Punch. We've seen little Bonney do this with the Cipher Pol agent in her backstory, but this time it's clear that the ends of Bonney's balloon arm is tinged with armament haki. Which... she's a kid, but she's also a Supernova and she's also very, very determined thanks to all the trauma in her life. I don't really mind Bonney having haki, honestly. 

Speaking of people having haki, Luffy notes how the triple attack hurts him, because 'you guys' are using haki. Which... the art is a bit zoomed out so it's hard to see. Sanji is definitely using haki, since it's Sanji. Bonney visually can be shown to be using haki. Does 'you guys' also include Franky? I mean... yeah, yeah, why the hell not? I've always found it weird why not more of the Straw Hats are able to use haki or learned about them, and I really don't think it's too far of a stretch for the secondary physical combatants (Franky, Robin and Brook) to have learned some rudimentary forms of armament haki at this point. Honestly, until an SBS comes out and says otherwise, I will always maintain that Robin's Demonio form is some sort of Armament Haki. 

Anyway, Luffy presses Mars against his belly, and unleashes a Dawn Balloon by reflecting the force of the attacks that Sanji, Franky and Bonney is doing on his back. And... again, I'm not really understanding what's going on, but I guess not all Gear Fifth visual gag jokes can land on me. 

Mars twinkling into the sky like Team Rocket's blasting off again is hilarious, though. 

With Mars gone, our heroes try to figure out how to rendezvous with Nami's squad, and Atlas seems to want to go check up with Lilith over their telepathic network, with her being aware that York is able to monitor them. I don't know if the panel of Atlas running is her actually jumping off of the ship to run to where Lilith is (which would be stupid and a gigantic death flag) or if it's just to show her doing something. 

Interestingly, we backpedal on something that seemed to be concluded last chapter, because Vegapunk's broadcast starts up again. The snail wasn't killed when the Iron Giant was assaulted by the swine Topman, it's just knocked around a bit and it's now back up and broadcasting again. Other than the skipped bits that are intentional between 1117 and 1118, Vegapunk's message continues on but it seems like he's just rambling at this point, talking about some will, some inheritance, something about the voice reaching people. 

We get more cameos, of course, this time with Katakuri and some of the Charlotte siblings watching it; a shot of Vivi and Morgans; and, hilariously and gloriously, good ol' box-meme-man Gaimon and his new wife Sarfunkel. Does Gaimon even have a den-den mushi to hear the transmission? I don't think so. I think Oda just wants to draw Gaimon, and that's it.

After being MIA for a month, Ju Peter the giant Dune sandworm shows up again and he's... spitting out the Cipher Pol agents? They (and the Seraphim) are raining down all over the battlefields into the Marine ships, and I'm just kind of confused what Ju Peter's game plan is here. Originally I thought he's just sucking them up to recover resources (the Seraphim, at least, if not the Cipher Pol humans) but now he's using them as... weapons? As a rain to drop on the pirates? Or is he just exhaling before he does the big vacuum-wave inhaling attack?

Luffy gets into some physical combat and punches Ju Peter, but while he's engaged with the giant worm, Topman charges in. We get a cool panel of Topman about to attack the giants' ship (and it's a nice showcase of how fucking huge the piggy is)... and then the Iron Giant rises up from the depths of the ocean and PUNCHES THE SHIT out of Topman. One of the tusks breaks, which doesn't mean anything since we've seen Saturn and Ju Peter regenerate from worse. Everyone is shocked at the giant robot, Luffy is excited about the giant robot, and... two other things also happen in this scene. 

The first is a nice confirmation about Bonney's limits. One of my biggest gut reaction to Bonney being able to go Gear Fifth is similar to why I really didn't like the Buu saga in Dragon Ball Z -- random people can just go Super Saiyan, ignoring the gigantic amount of work and trauma that Goku and Gohan put through in their own respective arcs. But between Bonney being relegated into a supporting role alongside Franky and Sanji in this chapter really does show that he's nowhere near approaching Luffy's power, and he gets conked out straight into her child form after just bouncing around a little and throwing a punch. So it's just the potential to become as powerful as Gear Fifth Luffy, and a representation of how she's found true freedom, which I like a bit more than how it was presented in 1118. 

And the second is... some internal monologue on the Iron Giant's part, which seems to be Joyboy's voice telling him "listen up, Emeth, the time is at hand". Finally, we get a bit more from the Iron Giant instead of him just saying the one thing, Joyboy, over and over again. It is a nice little confirmation of the Iron Giant's name, but more importantly, I think his sentience. A lot of the background plot of this chapter has been talking about the nature of life. Are clones alive, are robots alive, are robot clones alive, are humans turned into machines alive? And that's not getting into how the Gorosei view humans. And as a technically sci-fi based arc, one of the most significant and often-repeated story tropes has been a robot or an artificial intelligence of sorts questioning whether they are alive, so I'm happy to explore a bit more of Emeth's backstory.

And mostly, I'm just happy that I don't have to refer to him as the Iron Giant over and over again and I can call him by his name!

Random Notes:

• Yamato Cover Story: Yamato gets stoned by a bunch of kids who hate Kaido. Finally we're getting somewhere. I guess if the idea is for Yamato to break the cycle of hatred and make it clear that the children don't bear the sins of the parents... I really did wish that this is something that should have been broached in an epilogue chapter or two in the Wano-kuni arc proper, but at least we're doing something. 
• There is a fun little moment where Dorry and Brogy yell at the generic giants in their crew to stop dancing and start putting out the fires, such unprofessional louts that they are... ignoring the fact that the two co-captains have also been dancing. 
• Hell Memories was last seen in New Fishman Island!
• Okay, okay, is that a representation of everyone in canon One Piece having shown up to hear the message? No, wait, we still haven't had Skypiea. I would say that it's not relevant since they probably won't get the broadcasts, but Gaimon's here, so. 
• Gaimon got married to a lady in a barrel, Sarfunkel, in a cover story. Yes, it's a Simon & Garfunkel joke. Oda's a gigantic dork and we love him. 
• People are super excited about how Topman is charging towards the ship in an arc that would lead him sinking into the ocean, which people take as 'proof' that the Gorosei aren't encumbered by regular Devil Fruit weaknesses. We'll see if this theory holds true. 
• It goes by a bit quickly, but the giants note that Ju Peter's attack stops them from using sails, and they need to use the oars. I guess some of the Gorosei are just adapted to screwing over people on boats, if the "they're not weak to Devil Fruit weaknesses because they're demons" theory holds true.
• If we count Marcus Mars being tossed into the air Team Rocket style, I guess we only have Ethanbaron left as the only Gorosei member that hasn't been given an epic 'takedown' at any point in this arc.
• Franky hasn't seen the giant robot, right? I wonder if he has anything to say about that. 
• Emeth is the spelling that fan-translators picked for the romanization of it, because in Jewish mythology, 'Emeth' is the word drawn on the golem with gave it life; and taking out the first letter (turning it into 'Meth') turns the word into death, which was the way that the rabbi managed to cause the golem to stop. 

Reviewing Monsters: Final Fantasy XII, Part 2

More Final Fantasy XII monster reviews! The first real 'dungeon', even if it still feels a bit more tutorial-ish, basically combines the sewer segment underneath Rabanastre Castle and the subsequent dungeon that we get tossed into immediately. It's pretty fun. 

The first impression of the other party members, Balthier and Fran, also makes the game much more bearable. There's always a degree of tolerance that I have towards 'generic anime protagonist', but Vaan is just so... so bland. Vaan is a bit more bearable because I'm playing the Japanese dub (where he is voiced by, of all people, Kamen Rider Ixa/Kamen Rider Grease!) but there's only so much that voice-acting can do when Vaan himself just seems like this random thief tossed into a much more interesting political storyline. He's not terrible, I wouldn't go that far. He's got a typical Aladdin 'pickpocket from the streets' vibe to introduce the common man in the setting, but I think it's a testament to how much I'm indifferent towards him that I took so long to get through this prologue of FFXII. 

Anyway, monsters!

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Ghost

• Classification: Undead
• Genus: Ghost

Oh, we have undead in this game! The 'Ghost' enemy here is the most basic one, and I am very pleased that it's not just some guy with a spectral filter put over the CG render. No, Ghost here is a full-on monster design and what a fun one! On paper it's still working off of the 'Casper' body design, but the 'tail' and especially the fingers trail off into long, white wispy tendrils. Most striking, though, is the appearance of his upper body. His head trails up like a weird mountain, and there are almost stone-like carvings of eyes running down the head and on the chest. It looks so different and a fair bit more imposing!

The Ghost is also probably the first enemy in the game that actually casts spells. In addition to shooting elemental attacks, the Ghost is able to heal itself, spawn a weaker clone, and cast annoying 'Blind' status ailment. 

The lore talks about how in Ivalice, Ghosts are formed when any soul is trapped within a coffin by magic (sorry, magick), and this process happens regardless of how pure or evil the soul previously is. The game doesn't actually treat the Ghost differently from other enemies in how they are killed, but I like the very D&D description in the lore about how one needs to find the casket to properly release the Ghost from this warped form it's turned into, allowing the Ghost to return to its natural form. 

Garchimacera

• Classification: Fiend
• Genus: Gargoyle

It's a little flying imp-goblin! I like how his face has such a shit-eating grin. The design of the more ornate wings and the giant flat rabbit ears, coupled with the magic runes running down its head, does kind of set this guy a bit apart from your regular goblin/imp enemies, though these guys are never going to be something that particularly excites me. (This guy shares the name with a different imp-ish enemy from FFXIII). 

I do like the backstory given to the Garchimacera, though. Apparently, in the olden days of Ivalice, it was customary to place statues with terrible visages in houses to ward off malady-causing demons. This really does feel like it's a nice reference to many cultures that use protective totems and house deities to protect themselves. And, just like real life, more modern generations end up misconstruing the function of these fierce-looking creatures, thinking the scary-faced statues are themselves demons. This doesn't corrupt the statues themselves, however, which is a nice subversion. But the fear that the humans have towards these statues caused them to manifest in real life, like something out of Chainsaw Man or Jujutsu Kaisen. I like that! It's a nice little origin story. 

The Garchimacera is identified as part of the 'gargoyle' family, which I assume is where the 'gar' in its name comes from. It's also got a couple more interesting abilities like a life-draining attack. Note that I'm not going to list every single enemy attack unless it's relevant to the flavour or how annoying an enemy is in-game. 

Firemane

• Classification: Boss
• Genus: Flame Spirit

And finally we have the boss of the sewer dungeon, which... is honestly rather random? We don't fight the soldiers chasing us, or a bigger version of the Gigantoads or Garchimaceras lurking in the sewers, or even anything particularly fire-themed. Firemane ("Bushfire" in Japanese) shows up out of nowhere to menace my party at the end of the sewer level. He's a giant fire horse with six fiery tendrils that grow out of his head. The lore explains that the Firemane is a great spirit of fire (so kind of like an elemental?) that became enraged when mankind used fire as a weapon of war instead of as a sacred object. Thus the Firemane manifests to attack humans, menacing the Garamsythe Waterway... and we're still not given a reason why it menaces a sewer system. It does morph into a ball of fire to arrive and later to exit the battle, which is a nice little detail. 

The fight and the animations are relatively simple for a fiery horse monster, though I do like the little detail that the arena we fight the Firemane in is partially covered with water, and the Firemane can't use certain attacks to characters standing on the water. 

I still really wished we had more context to what this thing is, though. It really just feels like a random fight against this fiery spirit that has nothing to do with either the plot or the current location. 

Daguza, Galeedo & Gwitch

Named NPC's don't get an entry in the Clan Primer, apparently. BUt in the prison, Balthier and Vaan fight these three pig-faced bastards without any weapons in a little fight ring. It's a simple fight and they aren't really able to do much but punch. But I'll take this chance to talk about the Seeq race. I almost thought about talking about all the non-human races in the first part, but I thought (rightly!) that there'll be opportunities to talk about them when some of them inevitably become bosses. 

In addition to the typical humans and franchise-staple Moogles, Ivalice has a bunch of other races that hang out very prominently in Rabanastre. I actually really, really like this little detail! More often than not it's so easy for these games to segregate the elves into the forests and the orcs are always barbarians. And sure, some games that do something with the racism tropes (like Witcher 3, and World of Warcraft before the writing stagnated) but I really do like the alternative where... these intelligent races are just there, hanging around in towns and treated as regular citizens, no matter if the Seeq race are brutish, muscular piggish dudes. It's not the Seeq's fault that they're ugly by human standards! They're all intelligent humanoids, and really it's just our human sense of aesthetics!

Of course, that doesn't mean that some individuals, like Daguza, Galeedo and Gwitch here, can't act like brutes, but there are also brutish human enemies earlier and a bunch of grumpy but otherwise friendly Seeq and Bangaa (those are the lizard-people). 

Mimic

• Classification: Insect
• Genus: Mimic

What? Mimics! Okay, what a fun subversion! Mimics have been chests with fangs and tongues since forever ever since Dungeons & Dragons codified it, but they really should look different to, y'know, 'mimic' other things, right? And the Mimics in Ivalicce are apparently some kind of quasi-technological insects that fold up into mechanical urns on the right, which are what the chests in this part of town look like. It's actually rather bug-like already, right? Like an insect's abdomen with four legs supporting it? The treasure chests will unfurl out to become that four-legged bug-like creature that honestly looks more like a robotic insect than an actual bug. 

But the lore specifically notes that the Mimic is properly an 'insectoid', so presumably all the organs of this creature are chitinous, just maybe hard enough to pass off as a metallic or ceramic urn. In a gloriously awesome explanation, the Mimics apparently behave like another iconic D&D monster, the Intellect Devourer. They actually want to prey on brains. And not just any brains, but intelligent brains. And this ambush tactic of pretending to be a treasure urn is, in a way, a method for them to filter for intelligence, allowing them to specifically attract beings that are smart enough to understand that urns equal treasure. It doesn't really translate into anything significant in-game, but I absolutely love that there's an actual stated reason in the settting .

Tiny Mimic

• Classification: Insect
• Genus: Mimic

However, the Mimics perhaps aren't executed the best as far as how they're introduced to us. Only the 'adult' Mimic above can mimic urns, and those don't show up until the second half of the Barheim Passage dungeon. The mimics are actually the main gimmick of the entire dungeon, but it's their swarming and electrical affinity (are they actually robots/mechas, then?) that's highlighted, with the actual titular 'Mimic' part being more of an afterthought. Indeed, for most of the dungeon, you fight these Tiny Mimics, who aren't even able to turn into little urns!

Anyway, Tiny Mimics are just smaller versions of the big mimic. The lore notes that the Mimics actually get smarter as they devour brains, but those in the larval stage like the Tiny Mimic are rather 'vapid and dull', and if they're unable to grow beyond this stage, they remain dumb until the day they die. 

Battery Mimic

• Classification: Insect
• Genus: Mimic

Oh, look at that more elaborate body! Look at that nasty drill-like mouth! And are those eyes, those blue patterns on the most proximal part of the legs? The Battery Mimics are the first Mimics you encounter, and they feed on electricity. They feed on it, and then discharge electricity as a combination of defense mechanism and excretory method. These Battery Mimic strains are apparently very short-lived due to how inefficient their feeding methods are. 

The Battery Mimics are the primary gimmick of the Barheim Passage dungeon, because any time a Battery Mimic feeds on the electrical supply of the dungeon, the lights start to dim. It's a rush every time your party enters a portion of a map and there are like three or four Battery Mimics spread all over, eating electricity while their smaller counterparts try and swarm you. And if you fail to take out the Battery Mimics in a timely fashion, and lights actually do go out... well, the walking dead arrive! Which are the rest of the monsters here:

Zombie

• Classification: Undead
• Genus: Zombie

First up is a typical, rotten zombie, with raggedy clothing and a delightfully wretched face. A pretty basic zombie, not much to really say about the design. 

The lore does note that the Zombies in this setting are pretty basic. An exhumed corpse, enslaved and bound by 'foul magicks'. It's still rotting, and as such exposure to the sun's rays (or, say, the lighting of a mine that our heroes restore by blowing up Battery Mimics) will cause the decay to advance so fast that they crumble to dust. 

Skeleton

• Classification: Undead
• Genus: Skeleton

The other very simple undead enemy type is the Skeleton. Do I need to elaborate on skeletons? You've got one inside of you! Again, all these undead only show up if the light goes down, and it's not in the longest and biggest chamber that I missed a Mimic that these bastards start coming out. These guys can also cast magic! 

The way that Skeletons are created are a bit different than Zombies or Ghosts. In the lore, Skeletons are created when people who die have many burdens and are unable to relinquish them upon death, literally being 'weighted down' and unable to ascend to heaven. It's pretty thematic to the wretched shambling of skeletons, and a nice difference to the zombies (exhumed corpses enslaved by magicks) and ghosts (magicks affecting burial). The Skeletons will apparently wander, punished by either a greater power or their own guilt, until their very bones are reduced to ash. 

Skull Defender

• Classification: Undead
• Genus: Skeleton

Of course there are stronger skeletons, and Skull Defenders are specifically the corpses of fallen warriors or hunters who were slain by their marks. They sure have, uh... weird... nets? Attached to their bones? They also have the remnants of armour. In-game, they have more annoying spells like 'Slow' and 'Dark'. Due to the type of people these guys are born out of, they are usually found in man-made locations like mines.

Specter

• Classification: Undead
• Genus: Ghost

And the final undead that shows up are these Specters. Essentially a palette swap of the 'Ghost' above, but far more deadly. The 'ectoplasm' hands and tail are more vividly different with their lavender shade, and the creepy, cursed-growth body is a creepy, armoured gray. These guys can teleport, and can cast a multitude of different status effects like poison and blind. In fact, a group of these specters and skeletons actually slowly routed my party as I tried to run to the part of the dungeon with a shopkeeper and a healing save-point. And these undead basically game over'd me twice (and a combination of poor 'gambit' usage draining all my potions and phoenix downs), which forced me to reload a save file a bit earlier. Which is why this 'reviewing monsters' segment doesn't have the final boss of the damn mimic tunnel. It's probably a big Mimic. 

Anyway, the Specters do have a pretty cool lore bit. They may be a palette swap, but Specters are coalesced and manifested from the shapeless emotion of fear. They are born in places where men feel a lot of fear, like places of great slaughter... such as Rabanastre's prison filled with torture and violence. Being embodiments of fear, Specters are incited to violence at any kind of other emotions. And as humans, we have more emotions other than fear. They attack humans, ripping away all other emotions other than fear. And when all that's left is fear... then all is left of the humans are specters. That's how new specters are born, apparently. Very cool lore.

Reviewing Monsters: Final Fantasy XII, Part 1

So this has been a long time coming, and... it's mostly really due to me taking forever to get through the 'tutorial' and 'prologue' segments of Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age. It's been a game I've been itching to play for a long time, and I'm pretty sure I brought this Switch cartridge in 2022 or something. But the opening for this game... took a while, yeah? A combination of the cutscenes with many characters and nation names that I have no idea about being tossed at me really ended up kind of overwhelming me a fair bit, and it took me a while to finally get pass the actionized tutorial. And even more to get through the rather bland Vaan opening scenes. (Vaan is a very boring protagonist, and I'm unfortunately saddled with him right after I got a bit excited about the more interesting kingdom-civil-war setting established in the prologue). And another read-up through the Final Fantasy wiki to be sure about the characters I'm watching in those cutscenes are who I thought they are. 

But one Persona 5 and one Pokemon Violet later, and finally I'm starting this game. And one of the bigger appeals of FFXII is the fact that this is a game that's apparently a bit more lore-heavy in terms of the politics and setting. As well as a bestiary that's probably one of the few times in Final Fantasy that we actually get to learn a lot more about the monsters beyond enemies to fight!

And I could go on a bit about FFXII's story so far and how I find it and how annoying Vaan is, but we're here talking about the monsters, so let's talk about the monsters!

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Imperial Swordsman

• Classification: Archadian Empire
• Genus: Imperial

The game starts off with a bit of a extended prologue/prequel/tutorial starring a couple of decoy protagonists just to show us what the state of the political wars in the world are like before throwing us to into the shoes of a more typical JRPG fantasy protagonist, and we get to fight these Imperial Swordsmen, representing the kingdom of Archadia. They have nice helmets, but I really don't have much to say about them. Presumably, we'll meet actual characters as enemies and bosses? I never have much to say about humanoid characters if they don't do something interesting with them. 

Air Cutter Remora

• Classification: Archadian Empire
• Genus: Imperial Armament

And I'm going to assume this is a tradition for all Final Fantasy games, but we have a huge, visually impressive boss that dies rather quickly in the tutorial segment. for FFVII we had the Guard Scorpion, and FFXIII had the Manasvin War-Mech. FFXII throws Air Cutter Remora at us, one of the Star Wars-esque gunships that take part in the badass cutscene right before the gameplay, and... it sure is a sci-fi spaceship! It's kind of interesting that this gunship is supposed to be like, some kind of an object to take part in more close-quarters combat compared to modern fighter jets and bomber planes? It's hovering vertically and shoots things down like a floating tower. 

I actually don't have much to say here either. It sure is a floating thing that shoots missiles at my party!

Dire Rat

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Rat

And after we gain control of the (supposed) main character, generic adventurer peasant youth living in the slums of a city oppressed by an empire, Vaan Ratsbane, we see him immediately fighting rats. Interestingly, these Dire Rats are actually called "Wererats" in the original Japanese version of Final Fantasy XII. While visually they do look like just big rats, I do like the sinister implication that these rats that Vaan casually murders are actually transformed humans. 

The Dire Rat is described as being a vile creature that lives in the sewers, and while the humans have been trying to eradicate them, their rate of reproduction always causes the population to boom back up. 

Oh, yes. Unlike the other two Final Fantasy games I've played and reviewed on this site, Final Fantasy XII actually has a bestiary. Each monster gets two pages, with the second page (usually being more flavour-related; the Dire Rat's talks about rat tails being used for nasty-tasting potions) only being unlocked when you kill a certain amount of that enemy. Lovely! Each monster also has a 'genus' and 'classification' listed among them, and if you can tell from my Pikmin reviews, I love fantasy settings with a working taxonomical system!

Wolf

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Wolf

Oh yeah, that's... that's not a 'wolf'. Where the rat does still look like a regular human-world rat (albeit with glowing eyes), the Wolf here only has the silhouette and body layout in common with wolves from our world. What a head it has. It looks more like a cross between a dinosaur and a bat, with a jagged, grnning mouth; a chunky lower jaw; what seems to be hardened upper part of their heads; unnaturally small beady eyes; and weird fin-like ears. 

Interestingly, from the lore, the Wolves of Ivalice are recorded to have once lived in close harmony with mankind... but eventually were driven out into the wilderness, at which point they began preying on monsters and this act caused the 'arising' of diverse strains of wolves, transforming them from just regular wolves to wolf-like monsters. It's like a reverse domestication, only instead of breeding wolves into adorable pet breeds like chihuahuas and bulldogs, these wolves are independent and transform into Greymon-headed violent bastards. 

Cactite

• Classification: Plant
• Genus: Cactus

The setting that the first parts of the game takes place in, Rabanastre, is in a desert town. And in addition to the wolves, these Cactites are extremely common weak enemies. I do like how they look, it's just a giant cactus stem with stubby legs and long arms, and Cactites just sort of walk around and wave their hands and mostly minding their business. While I enjoy my more 'monstrous natural anatomy' plant monsters, I do also enjoy plant creatures like these that just have a cartoon face. 

Cactites are described as 'mean-spirited' (though their in-game behaviour is more cowardly) and lacking of intelligence to do actual damage to humans. These Cactites are the smallest 'sproutlings', however. The lore then proceeds to describe about how some rare strains can sprout a valuable scarlet flower that's a highly vaunted for being a sign of good fortune to "young lovers with a tolerance of needles". Haha!

Cockatrice

• Classification: Avion
• Genus: Cockatrice

Oh, okay! The Cockatrice in this game is an early enemy and it's just... a mean-ass looking chicken. A fat, mean-ass looking chicken without a neck. No snake parts, no stone-petrification eye beams. Okay! As an early fat bird-themed enemy, I actually do find the Cockatrice to be absolutely charming, particularly since they move around by rolling on the ground. Ha! I like how this thing still looks like a chicken but with all the parts mutated somewhat grotesquely. They did a great job at making that face look mean, and I like the tiny dinosaur claw-fingers. 

The Cockatrice's profile describes some of its biology, which is fun. They didn't need to put any of these in, but I just love it. The Cockatrice feed on smaller animals, spitting out a sticky saliva and keeping these trapped prey until they are hungry enough to feed on them. Sort of like how certain spiders keep around coccooned-up prey in their web. Also, while the Cockatrice obviously can't fly with those tiny wings, apparently they have swollen air-sacs that allow them to float into the air when there are drafts to spy for prey. Okay?

Interestingly, later on as we go to small villages in the desert regions, there are a couple of villages where they rear Cockatrices just like regular chickens!

Rogue Tomato

• Classification: Rank I Mark
• Genus: Deadly Nightshade

Our first 'mark', or bounty, is the Rogue Tomato here that has been menacing some local merchant. Apparently this is a member of the 'Deadly Nightshade' family, and the lore book describes that because it's an outcast of its people, it has lost certain 'powers' it wielded with impunity, which I'm going to assume refers to some kind of more powerful variant of the Nightshade genus/family that exist in the game?

The Rogue Tomato is a very cute design! Its head is just a tomato with a giant maw stretching like a hideous, demonic smile. Its body is some kind of straitjacket puppet, and its legs look like either bird-feet or twigs. It's a very fun plant monster, a simple and memorable design!

Wild Saurian

• Classification: Dragon
• Genus: Tyrant

Each overworld area has a particularly powerful monster that outclasses your current level, and basically is unbeatable until you grind up a lot and come back. For the first area, it's pretty simple -- a giant blue T-rex looms and stalks the area, far more powerful than the fat chickens or mutant wolves around. And it gets the point across! A giant, roaring dinosaur generally does. In addition to just having a buttload of stats, the Wild Saurian is able to eat wolves to buff itself. 

The Wild Saurian is considered a dragon, and it's noted that the dragons used to rule the land until a 'war with the gods' dwindled these dragons' numbers down to a number of their former glory. The lore description talks a bit about the anatomy of the T-rex, but also the fact that apparently their bones are really hard to get rid of, which is sometimes a problem in expanding into the wilderness.

There are a couple more 'giant' enemies in the desert areas I've explored, but I've only 'spoiled' myself in the wiki for the Wild Saurian and I'll wait until I actually meet and unlock the bestiary entries for the other big enemies before I review them. 

Hyena

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Wolf

Oh yeah, this definitely isn't a 'hyena'. The mottled spots and shaggy hair on the Ivalician Hyena's body certainly fits with those in our world, but the Hyena has gigantic tusks that point downwards from the back end of their jaws... and most interestingly two giant bone-horns that sprout out from its head. The end result makes it kind of look like a Hercules Beetle with how they are curved. 

The Hyena is the next version 'up' in the Wolf family, which I'm going to assume shares skeletons and movement animations. They are fierce hunters, though they also scavenge just like our-world hyenas. The horns are used in particular to fight against larger opponents. Rather wacky for the generic animals you see at this part of the world. I like it. 

Also, in addition to the regular version of the enemies found in the wild, there are also apparently more powerful variations like the Alpha Hyena that hang out with their lesser brethren. These slightly differently-named variants aren't registered in the bestiary as a separate entry, but me being me, I'll acknowledge them here. 

Happy Bunny (a.k.a. Giza Rabbit)

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Dreamhare

Known as 'Giza Rabbits' in the overworld and 'Happy Bunny' in the lore book  are these... interesting creatures. From a distance and from the back, they look like a cartoony rabbit -- see those giant ears attached to a big fluffy body? The actual appearance is a bit more different, with the main body of the Giza Rabbit being an impish humanoid thing. The rabbit body is a giant ball of fur sprouting from the back of his neck, and the ears look more like antennae or horns the way they are attached to this guy's head. 

The lore gives us a rather surprisingly disquieting backstory. The Giza Bunny is a 'fiendish creature taking the form of an adorable bunny'. And for that, it is all the more fiendish. We don't actually learn what else makes them fiendish other than this, although since they're technically as powerful as the rabid cockatrices and dinosaur-horned hyenas, it could simply mean that people thinking that they're about to hunt an easy bunny to make soup for dinner get a nasty surprise. 

The 'Happy Bunny' is apparently called Giza Rabbits or Ozmone Hares depending on where they are found, even though they are the exact same species and can even migrate from one place to the next. A lot of animals, particularly insects and fish, have so many different names and are thought to be different animals entirely when they migrate, and I thought this was a cute little detail (while also presumably allowing the designers to do a two-in-one enemy).

Urstrix

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Urstrix

Urstrix here is... literally called "Owlbear" in the original Japanese version. In just a transcribed English word. I keep forgetting that the original Final Fantasy is literally just borrowing the Dungeons & Dragons bestiary, and I actually do like that FFXII's interpretation of the Owlbear (or 'Urstrix') is so... lanky looking! It looks less like an owlbear and more like a wretched owl-man, with that torso and upper legs looking rather humanoid. I like how nasty the owl face looks, particularly with those giant eyebrows, and the way those raggedy wings are splayed out does give the impression of a creature that's been sweltering in the desert heat for a while. 

The lore gives us an actual backstory for the Urstrix. They are originally the equivalent of the 'canary in a mine', where they are taken into 'magicite mines' to look for the presence of toxic fumes. But because these are magic toxic fumes called the Mist (which presumably will show up in the game story later) instead of killing the canaries, it mutates their children into the Urstrix, which are so monstrous that even their parent birds panic and abandon them. 

Thextera

• Classification: Rank I Mark
• Genus: Mutant Wolf

And our second Mark is Thextera, a giant mutant repaint of the Wolf. And a giant wolf alone wouldn't be too special, but look at the colours of this motherfucker! Stand him up on two legs and he could hang out with superheroes! The leopard-coloured fur on the front and the zebra-like back is fun, but I think it's the fact that the tips of all four of his legs look like he's wearing socks. Neon green socks, which I think brings the design together. This looks so unnatural and bizarre. I like it. 

The Thextera is explicitly noted in the lore book as a 'Mutant Wolf' genus, because a larger size and rainbow colours counts as being mutated but those dinosaur dragon horns on the Hyena's heads aren't. Apparently, the mutation is caused by that monster-creating Mist. 

Sleipnir

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Sleipnir

Oh, mutant horse! From a distance, the Sleipnir (named after Odin's iconic horse from Norse mythology, natch) has the silhouette of an armoured horse. Sure, one with a particularly spiky armour that would look more at home on the fences of a grand gothic castle as opposed to armour on a horse... but take a closer look and the Sleipnir looks a bit more nasty. Just... just look at that mouth! That doesn't look like anything a healthy horse should have. The mouth also terminates around halfway through where the armour ends, making it look like the armour is crafted for a much bigger horse than this thing. Very monstrous, it looks like a mutant pillbug or some such.

And there's the question as to how the Sleipnirs got their armour anyway, and it's implied that it's actually a natural growth from its body? The lore for the Sleipnirs is that they were once the result of a program to create a powerful breed of war-charger horses. However, over time, the kingdoms that created these powerful cavalries are gone, with only the feral remnants of their horses running rampant in the wild.

Steeling

• Classification: Avion
• Genus: Steeling

Just called "Steel" in Japanese, we get our obligatory 'bat' enemy... but what a fun creature this is! Identified as part of the 'avion' genus, the Steeling is technically a bird if we take that classification seriously. But while it does have giant bat-wings (or dinosaur wings, I suppose, if its anatomy is more bird than mammal) its body isn't like the shape of any bird in existence. In fact, it's more like a flattened snake, or a mutant manta ray, with a long, wide mouth at the end of a flat body. It actually kind of reminds me of 'Minazuki' from Bleach, a giant manta ray monster. 

The Steelings are noted to feed on 'life-humours' of other monsters, but the lore page actually talks about just how much the in-universe literature overhypes and demonizes these animals as if they were 'guided through the black by the devil's hand'. Which is true to a lot of creaturse in our world, too. 

Ichthon

• Classification: Ichthian
• Genus: Piranha

The Dire Rats and Steelings hang out in the massive sewers underneath the city, and among those are the flying fish called the Ichthon. Or 'Killer Fish', in the original Japanese. These guys, despite their fearsome appearance and look, are actually docile and aren't aggressive unless you attack them first. 

Their anatomy is a bit hard to follow in this official render, but it's basically a long fish with wing-like fins, and one gigantic underbite with some orc tusks. The long downwards-pointing hairy spike is perhaps one detail too many, but it definitely adds to the savage-looking monster fish. Ichthons feed in shoals and the game notes that they are part of the 'piranha' class... except these are fantasy piranha that can hover above the water, and apparently hordes of Ichthons can devour beasts as large as the Wild Saurian above. 

Gigantoad

• Classification: Beast
• Genus: Toad

Oh, I like the Gigantoads. They're an annoyingly bulky enemy in-game, but I do like the design. It's supposed to be a 'toad' monster, but other than the raggedy brown colours, the neck-sack and the general shape, it's as much of a toad as the 'Hyena' monster above is a hyena. It looks almost dinosaurian or even demonic, with tiny beady eyes that look unexpectedly intelligent, giant bull-horns that curve upwarsd, almost reptilian-looking claws and a mouth that looks like it's sneering at you. 

The end result is surprisingly threatening-looking for a monster that's meant to just be a common enemy, but I do like the effect. The clan primer (our 'bestiary' book) describes how the giant sac in the Gigantoad's neck is meant for males to create sounds to attract females. The horns are also unsuitable for combat, and are insetad used to mark territory with gouges on trees. It's actually kinda cute -- the horns aren't really pointed the right way to pierce enemies anyawy, and a toad's body isn't meant to facilitate headbutts the way a deer or a bull would. 

Wait, are the demonic-looking horns supposed to be a riff on how some toads have horn-like protrusions above their eyes? I just got that. 

Flan

• Classification: Amorph
• Genus: Flan

One of the minibosses in the 'sewer' dungeon is the Flan (or 'Pudding' in Japanese), a recurring enemy in the Final Fantasy series after the first game used the four classic Dungeons and Dragons slime names for their slime enemies. Obviously, out of the four, 'Black Pudding' was the one that caught the fandom's attention, eventually mutating into a recurring 'Pudding' monster coloured rather deliciously like Japanese pudding. I love this origin story, and I love how the original intention of homaging a different source material ends up mutating into an endearing little critter here. 

I much prefer the name 'Pudding' because it's what this thing is supposed to be, but 'Flan' is also an endearingly dorky name. FF12's Flan is just an adorable blob monster with a charming slime monster mouth. It's got lumpy protrusions around halfway down its body that it uses in its attack animation, spinning around like a buzzsaw. The lore notes that the Flan is self-reproducing, absorbing prey and increasing its mass until they reproduce by what's essentially mitosis, and research notes that they are strikingly similar to the enigmatic Mist, meaning that these are probably more 'pure' monsters that aren't just a funny mutated animal. 

The second lore page notes that Ivalice's flan/pudding-the-dessert is actually designed in homage of this monster in this universe, which became extremely popular. But... considering the colours of Flan-the-monster, and the fact that we fought them in the sewers, the brown bits on top of the Flan's head is very likely not caramel syrup and just amalgamated poopie. Not quite as appetizing now, yeh?

Reviewing Monsters: Horizon Zero Dawn, Part 2

Part 2 of my coverage of Horizon Zero Dawn's monsters!

I talked about the general summary of the premise of the game in the first part, and since this article is more about the monsters than the story, I shan't repeat myself here. The tl;dr is... well, machines take over the world, reducing humanity into an ancient tribalistic society living in the bombed-out ruins of our 'modern' day world!

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COMMUNICATION-CLASS:

Tallneck

While all of the Machines we've talked about in the first part of this review series are mostly 'Acquisition-class' machines, which meant that their primary function is to gather resources from nature, and using, like, drill-bit mouths as weaponry against fleshling hunters is just a bonus. But there are a couple different subtypes... and perhaps the iconic monster from the trailer is the Tallneck here, the one and only member of the Communications-Class unit. 

And what a design this is. It looks like a giraffe, or a brachiosaur, with long towering legs and a multi-jointed neck that leads up to a head... but instead of a regular equine or dinosaurian head, the Tallneck has a gigantic Enterprise-looking disc that just visually communicates (heh) that this giant walking machine is one that doubles as mobile signal towers. It makes sense for a race of robots that have taken over the planet to want to keep interconnectivity with each other, allowing all the tiny robot animals we've been talking about (and we'll continue to talk about) to stay within what's essentially the Wi-Fi range.

But what a great design this was! And I'm not just saying about just how spectacular it looks in the original trailer that Horizon Zero Dawn showed off, where the Tallneck herds were the money shot... it really does communicate the quintessential theme of these animal machines from the Horizon-series. They look and behave similarly to familiar animals in our world... but there's just such an alien feel about them. The Tallneck, meant to be more part of the scenery and the immersive world than an actual enemy to be fought and slain -- their functions are similar to the 'fog of war tower' that is popularized by games like Breath of the Wild -- only it really does make so much sense that Aloy climbing up the giant radar-dish signal tower would allow her to download all the information in the map! 

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COMBAT CLASS:

Sawtooth

With that little detour with the Tallneck, now we're going to talk about the Combat-class Machines first, which... is exactly what it says on the tin. The Machines deploy the Combat-class Machines essentially as security guards for their Acquisition-class brethren.

The Sawtooth is the weakest of these, but essentially serves as a 'wake-up call' boss for Aloy as you play through the story, since they're far more aggressive and far harder to take down with sniper shots. The Sawtooth is based on a saber-toothed tiger, though it's got a mass of random saws and blades in its mouth and a pretty cool set of 'whip-tails' on its back. 

Ravager

The upgraded version of the Sawtooth is the Ravager, and the general design is basically more lupine and far more cohesively-built compared to the more ramshackle-looking Sawtooth. I do find it a nice detail that apparently the Machines started pumping out more Ravagers and phasing out Sawtooths, and by the time the sequel game Forbidden West rolls around, Sawtooths are essentially 'extinct' or, well, I guess 'sunsetted' as a product by the Machines. 

The Ravager looks cool, of course, because wolves are cool and robots are cool and stuff, but I felt like the Horizon team could've done a bit more? I otherwise don't have complaints about it. Wolves are very intuitive for us to grasp as being big angry scary predators. In addition to being a big metal wolf that can ravage (heh) any threats to the acquisition-class Machines, Ravagers are also equipped with a rapid-fire pulse cannon. 

Stalker

Based more on a panther or a jaguar, the Stalker... well, does what it says on the tin. It stalks prey with some stealth camo technology, placing mines all over the place as it sneaks around you. A lot of the Machines we've seen so far seem to be built for efficiency and sturdiness, but I really like how dangeously slender and lithe the Stalkers look like. It's also a bit jarring to see the jet-black armour pieces on the Stalker as opposed to the generally sterile-white armour of the other Machines. 

The Stalker's eyes are also really weird, being giant bug-like hexagonal pieces, and it's got two large mandible-like protrusions and a super-long tail. The end result looks a lot less like any real-world animal -- which has been the rule that the Machines have been following but they didn't really have to. The Stalkers are deloyed in dense-jungle locations where their stealth circuitry works best, and have the ability to drop mines -- which will attract the entire swarm of Stalkers to the location when triggered. 

There's also a 'rumbling' sound effect that is ever-present whenever your character walks into Stalker territory, and I do like the idea that it's not hard knowing that you're being stalked by a Stalker... but you don't know how the size of the pack. Pretty cool looking. I like this one. 

Scorcher

The Scorcher here is only introduced in the DLC, but I thought I should cover it after talking about the other four quadrupedal Combat Machines. Looking a bit more like a wild dog or a hyena, the Scorcher's got a bunch of flamethrowers on its back to burn the shit out of you. 

I do really like the face of this thing, with the split lower jaw and the multiple tiny robot eyes in the place of a hyena's two regular eyes. Apparently, regular Ravagers are actually vulnerable to fire, so the Scorchers are the Machines' answer to that where they literally breathe fire on you. 

Stormbird

I don't actually have a whole ton to say about Stormbird here. It's a very cool-looking robot bird, like Laserbeak from Transformers... but it's also just a big angry metal bird of prey. And it's really cool, no doubt about it. It shoots lightning bolts, inspired by legendary Thunderbirds... but comparing the Stormbirds to other Horizon avian-based machines like the Glinthawk or the Longleg, there's just a bizarre lack of any of the quantities or features that made the Horizon Machines distinct. Place the Stormbird next to a random smattering of Transformers or Final Fantasy robot enemies and I wouldn't be able to tell you that it comes from a Horizon game the way that the Glinthawk or the Stalker or the Charger would have. 

All of these seem kind of mean, so I do still want to emphasize that the Stormbird is a very cool-looking robot bird! All the mean-looking angles and the sharp feathers and claws and stuff look great. I just felt like it could've had a fair bit more of its own identity. 

Thunderjaw

Where the Tallneck is a Brachiosaurus, the Thunderjaw here is the Tyrannosaurus rex of the game, taking a prominent role in all trailers or posters of the game that's trying to highlight the game's combat sequences. While being rather similar to the T-rex, the Thunderjaw is also remarkably different in many aspects -- particularly its silhouette when not moving. I do really like how they interpreted the dinosaur's powerful spine as, well, two giant spine-like 'tubes' on either end of where the legs are connected. It's a fun exaggeration of a Tyrannosaurus' actual silhouette, and I'm all for it. The infamous tiny T-rex arms are obviously gone, and instead of jaws the Thunderjaw's got a nice array of laser guns, cannons and even disc launchers on his hips. 

...which is totally a reference to Beast Wars: Transformers Megatron, which is a Tyrannosaurus rex toy that has disc launchers on his hips. That seems like too specific of a thing to not be a reference. 

Anyway, the Thunderjaws seem to serve as de facto bosses of several areas of the game, being powerful, fast and highly difficult-to-kill enemies. And honestly, you can't go wrong with the ultimate Combat-class Machine other than a robot T-rex death machine! A particularly well-worn individual called the "Redmaw" serves as a recurring boss in a series of sidequests.

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TRANSPORT-CLASS:

Shell-Walker

Of course, with all of these extreme focus towards resource gathering, a 'Transport' class is inevitable as a category of Machines. The Shell-Walker here is literally a giant box full of resources with a bunch of scuttling legs and two robotic arms ending with weapons... making it essentially the giant robot version of a hermit crab. It's a bit hard to realize here, but the Shell-Walker actually has a flat 'face' with triple-lens eyes on the right side of the box. The two orange arms end with, respectively, a shield generator and a lightning gun. 

These Shell-Walkers kind of mill about in convoys, and will very viciously defend their cargos. I do really like the idea of this mechanical creature that's super-focused at protecting its cargo, but making it look like an adorable robot crab is just a bonus. 

Bellowback

Probably the one creature on the game's bestiary that you can't instantly tell what it's supposed to look like. People have gone to speculate on some kind of dinosaur or other, but it's actually... an emu, according to the developers. Okay? The Bellowback's design is pretty interesting, with two bird legs and a giant cannon and a fan of those 'feathers' that spread out from the base of the cannon. Very fun and wacky-looking design. One thing that is perhaps a bit hard to appreciate from these still pictures is how big the Bellowback is. It's basically the size of a dinosaur! 

The idea is that the Bellowback specializes in carrying liquid cargo, unlike the Shell-Walker or the Behemoth below, and, again, kudos to the game designers for actually thinking of unique in-universe purposes for these creatures to do. The Bellowbacks are able to utilize these sacs and fluids to actually launch them at Aloy as an attack -- either flammable or freezing liquid, depending on which cargo the Bellowback is specifically carrying. Which... feels a bit counter-intuitive, honestly, since you'd think that the main priority of the Bellowback would be to secure the cargo. 

Behemoth

The 'boss' Transport-class is the Behemoth, which is ostensibly based on a rhinoceros but kind of lacks the horn. The Behemoth instead has a vaguely pyramid-shaped mass (with those cool split-apart robot lower jaws that so many of these Machines have) and a bunch of additional greebles that actually act as anti-gravity generators. It's such a weird thing to give to a rhinoceros enemy, but being a Machine whose main purpose is to transport items, it actually, again, makes full sense that the Behemoth here would use the anti-gravity for the admittedly very mundane-sounding purpose of lifting rocks. 

The Behemoth's main crate is located in its belly, and it'll totally ruin your day by either charging at you like a rhino... or launch rocks at you with anti-gravity. 

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CHARIOT-CLASS:

And now we go to the Chariot-Class Machines, which do contain a lot of story-related spoilers. I try to not talk too much about the spoilers (especially since there's still a non-zero chance that I play the game), but to my understanding these Chariot-Class robots are the originals -- designed by the Old Civilization (i.e. our modern-day society) as machines, until they went rogue. Their protocols to utilize biomass as an emergency energy source essentially got switched to 'always', leading to the near-annihilation of human society as we know it. 

There's a lot more that goes to what happened in project "Zero Dawn" and why these Chariot-class war machines all end up going dormant and replaced with the rest of the Machines we've been seeing throughout the game. GAIA's Machines (which are the ones we've been talking about) may be able to defend themselves, but it's not their primary objective and they're far more concerned about terraforming the ruin-blasted planet. Meanwhile, the Charios of the old world are designed to be fully weapons. There's a lot of context that we could go deep into, but I do think that it's quite enough to talk about the three Chariot-class enemies here!

Corruptor / FAS-ACA3 Scarab

The first weapon we're going to talk about here is the Corruptor. Or, since it was originally designed for modern-day humanity, the "FAS-ACA3 Scarab". The Corruptor moniker comes with the fact that a lot of these machines also corrupt and ruin the environment around them with nanobots. When it was designed as a weapon, the Scarabs were actually supposed to be support units, scuttling and hacking other robots and essentially forcing them to switch sides. By the time of Horizon Zero Dawn, this translates to the Corruptors causing the normally benign and only-aggressive-when-attacked GAIA machines to become hostile to humanity. 

It definitely looks kinda buggy, with multiple spider-legs and a creepy head that's perched on top of the spider-legs like a tripod and a scorpion tail, but that's the limit of mimicking a real-world animal, unlike the rest of the Machines' minions. All of the Scarabs that Aloy will find are buried, deactivated in the earth until they get activated to fight. It's still an animalistic enemy so I do appreciate that it's kept, but I also do really appreciate just how much different-looking the aesthetics of the Chariot-Class enemies are from the rest of GAIA's robots. 

Deathbringer

This one looks a bit like an upgraded version on the Corruptor, and where the Corruptors are approximately car-sized shock troopers, the Deathbringer here looks pretty cool as essentially a souped-up tank. Also known as the FAS-FSP5 Khopesh, the Deathbringer is a walking ancient weapons platform that launches a whole lot of missiles. The Deathbringer is probably the least animalistic of Zero Dawn's enemies, basically being just a bunch of guns on a revolving scuttling set of spider legs. 

That does make it both boring to talk about... if only the design of the Deathbringer isn't so over-the-top. This looks less like something from a quasi-realistic sci-fi and more like something out of Warhammer 40K, and I mean that in the best way. I love just how over-the-top this thing looks as a war machine. As the wiki tells me, "the head carries several formidable weapons: a flamethrower, a grenade launcher, a gun turret, a heavy cannon turret, a swarm missile launcher and a repeater cannon turret."

Metal Devil

Only seen partially and part of a major boss fight, the 'Metal Devil' or the FAS-BOR7 Horus are the giant, vaguely giant-squid-monster looking creatures that are the primary harbingers of humanity's doom. Whereas the Scarabs/Corruptors were meant to hack other war machines and the Deathbringesr/Khopeshes are just weapon emplacements, the Metal Devils are building-sized monstrosities that scuttle around and attack with giant tentacles to essentially break bunkers. And it's just really damn big, with many buildings and bunkers in the Horizon world bearing witness to the telltale drill-holes of these things. 

The Metal Devils are so big that they're not really fought -- only the tentacles of a partially-awakened one end up being a boss-fight. It's a pretty impressive-looking thing, how this giant thing is basically the equivalent of a slumbering Cthulhu-style Elder God in this setting. Because there are actually a lot of these Metal Devils slumbering all over the world after they ran out of power, and just one being awakened could really fuck up whatever is left of humanity. 

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Anyway, that's all I have for Horizon Zero Dawn! The game itself does have a sequel in Forbidden West, with its own new batch of brand-new robots. Maybe at some point I'll cover that too... but probably not before I try my hand at playing this game!

Movie Review: The Punisher (2004)

The Punisher (2004)

I reviewed this movie a while back in 2021, but I rewatched the 'extended edition' recently in my slow attempt to catch up with a lot of older superhero material. And... my opinions have changed a fair bit that I decided to re-write and re-publish the review of The Punisher 2004. Having watched the 1989 adaptation starring Dolph Lundgren also helped for me to get some new perspectives. 

Right on the bat, I do feel like 2004's The Punisher, starring Thomas Jane as the titular Punisher, ends up being a bit more faithful to the comics compared to the 1989 movie. Jane's Punisher actually goes around wearing the skull vest (albeit only in his first and last outing), for one. And we also get the appearance of some of Punisher's minor supporting cast from the comics (such as assassins like The Russian or Harry Heck; or ones like Mickey Duka and Specker Dave). Arguably, the movie also acts as a nicer introduction to the Punisher, actually showing us Frank Castle's origin story in a more detailed manner instead of treating it as an afterthought. Having his origin story be tied to the first criminal syndicate that Punisher wipes out also gives us a more tangible crime for Frank to 'punish', although your mileage may vary on how effective it is as a proper adaptation of the Punisher. It's not the best, but we also get a lot more scenes focusing on Frank's turmoil and torment compared to the '89 movie, which had Frank more of a reactive character.

The movie isn't without its faults, though, and a huge chunk does lie with its first act. While I do praise the 2004 adaptation for actually drawing out the deaths of Frank's family, and tying it to the first criminals that Frank hunts down... it feels a bit too long and a bit too needlessly cruel?

We start off with Frank as an undercover cop that's about to retire and finally be there for his family. The final operation, however, results in the death of Bobby Saint, overeager son of the mafia boss Howard Saint. The initial scenes of the movie focuses on Howard Saint (a very entertaining John Travolta, who surprisingly doesn't chew the scenery as much as you think he would in a role like this) reacting to this death and trying to figure out and 'punish' the one responsible for Bobby's death. This leads to him sending a whole-ass hitman squad to hunt down Frank Castle's family. 

...And Frank Castle's family? Instead of just being his wife and kids being killed in the crossfire of crime, it's his entire extended family, including his parents and like around a dozen assorted cousins and nephews and nieces, that gets summarily hounded down and murdered by Saint's minions in an honestly gratuitously long scene that gets a bit uncomfortable to watch... but also... we kind of get it? You don't really need to show Maria Castle driving around on a car for so long, y'know, and I kind of wanted them to 'get on' with the plot. 

There is a nice little thematic tie-in of mutual revenge, where Howard Saint's entire deal is hunting for the man who killed his family, and Frank's motivation would later be similar. However, Howard's initial orders for only Frank to be killed ends up being amended to 'his whole family' by Howard's angry wife Livia. 

The extended edition restores around 15+ minutes of screentime that revolves around a subplot of Frank's traitorous partner James Weeks, who gets caught up in gambling debts during Howard Saint's investigation into the enigmatic arms dealer that resulted in the death of his son, and later on continues to appear throughout Frank's Punisher-ing as Frank mentally puts the pieces together in his head. This actually adds a nice little dynamic into Frank's world -- not just him wiping out a single mafia syndicate, but also him having to deal with a traitorous friend... a reason that actually makes a lot of the scenes with his wacky neighbours a lot more palatable now that there's an actual thematic thread. 

Speaking of which... yeah, I'm not the biggest fan of the transition from the death of the Castle family to Frank's return as the Punisher. He just survives being shot and blown up into the ocean, and gets saved by a random fisherman... just because? The movie gives us a bit of an origin to Frank's overpreparedness with guns by his whole ex-military backstory and his dad also being a gun nut; and we get the excuse handwave of Frank Junior buying the skull shirt for his dad... but otherwise, next we see Frank, he's basically in all-business mode, all Punisher mode. He's emotionless, he hates the cops and the law for not investigating his family's death, he says badass one liners, and he refuses to make friends and keeps every single friendship attempt at arm's length. 

And... we just kind of cut away to him hanging out in an apartment with the three wacky neighbours -- a guy with a lot of metal piercings, Spacker Dave; a fat guy, Bumpo; and pretty waitress with an abusive boyfriend Joan (played by Rebecca Romijn, a.k.a. Mystique from X-Men). And I'll cover these wacky neighbours very quickly in that... they do suck up a lot of time. I don't think they're as bad as many other comedic relief characters in these movies, and I get what they're trying to do. Joan and later on the two guys really try to get Frank to open up with dinners and constant insistence that they are fellow losers and family. The themes of Frank really refusing any kind of companionship is done rather well. And in the extended edition this is contrasted nicely against Frank's betrayal by Agent Weeks, but I really don't think the chemistry between Frank and the other neighbours are particularly convincing. Frank does end up beating up and chasing off Joan's abusive boyfriend, which is a nice, short scene. 

I do like that Frank doesn't immediately jump Joan's bones, especially since he's still in mourning after Maria Castle's death. Joan was really thirsty, though. 

Frank meanwhile continues his investigation into the Saints' operations, kidnapping and "torturing" the nebbish and non-threatening henchman Mickey Duka. There's a bit of a moment where I realize that Frank does this because he has been interacting with Mickey while undercover, and as such he knows Mickey is harmless... hence, the whole sequence where he gives a vivid description of the sensation of being tortured with a burning-hot iron being 'cold', and Frank pretending to torture Mickey while burning some steak (which makes the smell of burnt meat) and pressing a popsicle against Mickey's back. It's a scene lifted from Punisher MAX, and I thought this was a nice little way to show that Frank isn't too far gone. The movie doesn't immediately explain why Frank was nicer to Mickey and trusts him to be his man-on-the-inside on the Saints' operations, however, and Mickey himself also notably has no character resolution at the end of the movie after his plot relevance is over. 

Frank ends up doing a bit of an investigation into the Saint family, and ends up sketching up a plan to turn Howard Saint, Livia Saint, Howard's right-hand-man Quentin Glass, and their business partner the Toro Brothers against each other. And we do get a couple of cool scenes of Frank either investigating and making up elaborate plans, or just going full-on skull-shirt-and-shotguns and attacking Howard Saint's bank and tossing money to the public. The 'detective' scenes admittedly feels rather off, since ultimately Frank ends up doing some 5D-chess-mind-games stuff that involves him framing Quentin and Livia for having an affair, which later on leads to the over-possessive Howard being deathly jealous of his best friend and his wife. This also comes with the (unfortunate with modern values) scenes of Frank finding the scandal that Quentin is actually homosexual, and uses these pictures to blackmail Quentin Glass and make him move around where he wants. 

While this is all going on, Howard Saint gets more and more frustrated, and it is nice to see John Travolta's acting -- Travolta is easily the strongest actor in this movie (though that's not to Thomas Jane's fault; his direction requires him to be a bit more static) and it is pretty fun to see him slowly go off the hinges. 

The next part of the movie ends up being a bit campier and more comic-book-y than the rest of it, though, and perhaps not in a good way. Despite apparently knowing where Frank Castle lives, Howard Saint sends... three waves of assassins, each of whom arrive at different timings and acts separately? The first assassin, Harry Heck (played by musician Mark Collie) is perhaps the most memorable for showing up in a diner and playing a whole-ass country song about how he's going to kill Frank... and Frank does nothing. And instead of embracing some ridiculousness and doing something with the guitar, Harry Heck just attacks Frank by tailgating him and shooting his car a whole bunch. Frank kills Harry with a shootable pocket knife, and... yeah, okay. 

The next assassin, The Russian, is an unstoppable giant strongman that fights Frank in probably the most fun action scene in the movie, where he and Frank just bashes their way around the apartment complex. I do like the theme of this fight, where Frank actually lets his guard down after having some dinner with his wacky neighbours... but I'm unconvinced that half of the fight needed to take place with cutaways to the neighbours doing wacky singing. This fight was fun, though. 

And then, the third wave of assassins are just a bunch of gunmen who show up and torture Spacker Dave, ripping out all of his face piercings and demanding that they give up where Frank is hiding. And... this scene is kind of full of a bit of rather glaring plot holes. Why didn't the gunmen arrive with the Russian? Why don't they kill Dave and Bumpo? Why did Dave and Bumpo actually stay behind, wouldn't it be easier for them all to escape? The idea of the scene is solid, with the neighbours 'taking a bullet' for Frank, but it just makes the mafia look grossly incompetent. 

After Frank recovers from his injuries with the Russian, he implements his plan to frame Quentin Glass for sleeping with Livia. This one is a neat little sequence of scenes, and it does benefit a lot from John Travolta's Howard Saint slowly piecing together what he thinks is an affair in his head, growing increasingly more and more pissed off at his perceived betrayal. Howard Saint confronts Quentin Glass and murders the very confused and loyal man in his own house; and goes home and attacks Livia, tossing him from a bridge into the path of the incoming train. Unfortunate modern-day implications aside, this is actually surprisingly cruel on Frank Castle's part, and it does give a nice little mafia flair to the movie's plot as opposed to 'Frank shoots people up a lot'. 

Oh, speaking of Frank shooting people up, in the extended scene this is where Frank confronts Weeks after several brief meetings, and we get a pretty cool sequence of Frank pretending to leave his handgun (without bullets) unattended just to confirm if Weeks is really against him. And... the scene where he intimidates Weeks to basically kill himself is a bit dark, and I'm not sure if I really like it... but the theme of the movie is punishment, and all of these people getting royally fucked by Frank do deserve death. 

And then we get the final scene, where Frank dons a military vest with a skull spraypainted on it, pulls on a compound bow and arrow, and attacks Howard Saint's club and kills everyone inside. We get a nice gory scene where the blonde lead thug gets a knife graphically shoved up his lower jaw; and another cruel-and-unusual death as Howard's remaining son John is forced to hold a bomb that he will undoubtedly lose strength at some point. As Howard tries his best to get out of the building, Frank catches up, shoots him, and details in full detail that he killed his remaining son, and Quentin and Livia's deaths are all unfounded. Properly destroying Howard Saint's mind, Frank ties Howard to a moving car and sets it to auto-crash into a parking lot...

...at which point apparently Frank took the time to plant enough detonation charges that the explosion pattern looks like the Punisher logo. 

With his mission finished, we get a rather dark scene as Frank actually prepares to kill himself after the mission is done, really hammering home how broken a man like the Punisher is. He ends up not doing so after seeing a vision of his family, but he also leaves behind his newfound friends, and goes off to become the vigilante known as the Punisher. 

End credits. And... again, as with all adaptations of the Punisher, people's mileage varies a lot on whether this adaptation of the Punisher is 'too hard', 'too soft', misses the mark... and I feel that the movie does a decent job at both showing Frank as someone who has some degree of mercy (towards Mickey, towards Joan's abusive boyfriend, and how nice he is towards the neighbours) but also sometimes unnecessarily cruel (getting Howard to kill his closest friends, the way he kills John or Weeks). I do think the movie also has a lot of nice themes that it kind of doesn't follow up fully on -- I would've liked a more proper and definite answer on whether Frank 'finding a new family' is a good thing or not, and the movie really flip-flops about it in the final act. Ultimately, though, I did find this movie extremely enjoyable, and while I don't think it beats Jon Bernthal's Netflix Punisher, it's still a pretty fun watch regardless!