Let's Play Pokemon Uranium: Part 5: I Am Your Father

A chunk of this part of the Uranium playthrough was intended to be part of the previous one, but part 4 got really long, so I decided to make the whole beach sequence a whole part of its own, added with a bunch of stuff I played through afterwards.

I'm actually surprised at how long this is getting, and how much I'm enjoying doing this! In this part, we welcome a new member of my hopefully permanent party (I'm sure I'll do a lot of switching party members around as I tend to do in all Pokemon games) and go through a particularly plot-heavy part of the game.



Last we left off, we cleared the Garlikid/PST mini-quest in Rochfale Town, and braved the swarm of trainers in route Westward of Rochfale Town, before entering Rochfale Tunnel.


There's genuinely not much to say about Rochfale Tunnel. It's just a cave. We did catch a bunch of official Pokemon. There's Batgirl the Gligar...


...and Gremlin the Sableye. Not much to say about those two -- they're always Pokemon that look pretty neat, but never super great. I love both of them, though, and I've had a Sableye wreck some shit in a Pokemon Emerald Nuzlocke playthrough.


Free air! Genuinely nothing much to say about Rochfale Tunnel, it's mostly Gligars and Barrewls. Apparently, this next sandy beach segment acts similarly to tall grass, despite the previous beaches being pretty much static and behaving similarly like regular beaches in Pokemon games? Eh, whatever.

Route 7 is known as "Tandor Sheets" in the map.


There's a rest house, which is great because my party was kind of beat from going through the cave and the preceding route.


The main encounter in the sand is this adorable little coconut crab guy, Cocaran, the Grass/Ground little buddy that really love masquerading as coconuts. I love it, and I'm definitely going to replace Wigglefoot the Ludicolo with him... eventually. Once we reach a city with a PC, because the beach rest house doesn't let me swap out my parties.

I name him Coconut because I wasn't feeling particularly creative while catching him. This is his theme song.


Oh god it's one of these dumbasses that speak in 1337 h4x0r speech. You rarely see any of these guys ever in the present day, thank god, but back in the day this is probably far, far more obnoxious than just going around saying "swag yolo" or whatever kids nowadays say.


OH SHIT h0ly 5h17 3v0lu710n!!!

Leet boy over there actually gave Charlie enough EXP to go from a mild-mannered armadillo raptor baby...


Into an angry, six-foot-tall murder machine with claws, flame, and claws of flame! Hell yeah!

I honestly imagine Charlie as behaving similarly to Ash's Charmander in the cartoon, where he starts off mild-mannered but upon evolution just ends up being an always-angry, always pissed off little rampaging reptilian flame-thrower.


Charlie's species name is Archilles. You can apparently ride this fire raptor around, but Ura is no fool, he knows what Charlie does to people he doesn't like, and he's got a temper. Also, Uranium's starter Pokemon evolve only once, although at a later level... but also have access to mega-evolution. Neat-o.


Let's use this random karate man to test out Charlie's new form. This dude actually respects consent and gives us a chance to decline.


After all that talk, though, all he's got is a level 22 Terlard, who Charlie absolutely murders with a Magnitude 9. His armor is like tenfold shields, his teeth are swords, his claws spears, the shock of his tail an earthquake, and his breath is a burning, fiery death!


...and then my party proceeds to get absolutely demolished by this dick of a Sponaree. Turns out that, as many people found out in the seventh generation, Bug/Water is actually a pretty badass type combination when stuck with great stats. To see just how powerful Sponaree was...


...this is the state of my party after Taxonomaly finally managed to whittle down Swimmer Jessica's Sponaree down with Fairy Winds. Between setting up Rain Dance and unleashing Bug-Bites and Water Guns, Sponaree knocks out Charlie, Tajador and Starspawn pretty handily with water moves, while Cerebella and Wigglefoot die to bug moves.

I respect you, Sponaree.


AAAA WHAT IS THAT THING IT'S ADORABLE

Don't kill it, Charlie.


(Thank you, Charlie.) It's the less-common encounter of the route, a Cassnail. It's Ground/Water and I think it's functionally similar enough to Shellos and Gastrodon. I like it, even if its current 'shell' castle looks like a cow's udder.

I name the cute little snail after the most edgy and badass name a castle can have, the Dreadfort. "Hollow Bastion" didn't fit.


There's a boat but I can't ride it.


Don't punch my fire raptor, he will burn off your flesh!


Taxonomaly lays waste to his dumb judo sheep because I just remembered that Fairy is super-effective to both fighting and dark.


Wait what?

I actually am playing this game pretty blind. I know Cubblfly has a final evolution, but I didn't know what level it's going to be.


Nimflora! Taxomonaly is even more of a taxonomic anomaly, he's this cute little wolf-thing with four eyes, six legs that are a mixture of bug and mammalian features, and fleshy-looking butterfly wings. It's a fucking Fairy Dragon!

You know what? I was sort of indifferent to Nimflora when I did the whole "Gotta Review Em All" segment for Uranium, but, shit, maybe it's just me getting attached to Taxonomaly, who's proven herself time and again to be pretty useful... but I know very well from using a Ribombee to sweep the Elite Four in Sun/Moon that Bug/Fairy is pretty great coverage. And with Giga Drain and Aerial Ace to round out her moveset, Taxo here's officially a proper, full member of the party.

Random official Pokemon! Corsola, I believe, has an evolution in this game. I call her Mara, for the simple reason that the Star Wars Thrawn trilogy books were sitting on my desk and I'm reminded of Mara Jade. 

What, you again? He's still excited as ever, and thankfully not dead from the Fortog and Tonemies of Comet Cave. He's not dead!

Wait, how the fuck did you get past those strength boulders that fell when the Terlard boss attacked? The boulders are still there and you clearly don't know Strength, so how?


He's surprised that I'm progressing pretty well, mocks Rochfale Town, and talks big about beating the gym leader of Beachball Bealbeach City. Okay, then, brat boy, bring it on!


BEHOLD THE MAJESTY OF TAXONOMALY THE NIMFLORA, QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES! ALL SHALL LOVE HER AND DESPAIR!

A single Giga Drain deals 4x effective to this poor cute Cassnail that Theo probably caught five minutes ago.

I'll give Theo this, though -- at least he's actually catching things that would actually give my starter a problem. I['m not sure if it's intentional, if it's like a 'Gary/Blue changes the team depending on your starter' thing. Unfortunately for him, I have five other Pokemon for him to contend with.


Oh, hello, Theo, you evolved your Birbie into Aveden. Well, I've got an alien rock. Remember how hard it was for me to catch the alien rock? It was a bitch because of you. Vengeance time!


Holy shit, a combination of Aveden restoring health with Roost and causing critical hits with Air Cutter, he very nearly took down Starspawn! That, and Comite doesn't really have anything better than Rock Throw at this point. Starspawn's very cool, but he's been so much of a liability. I'm beginning to think that I might very well just cut my losses and swap out Starspawn for Coconut in the next town, as much as I like how he looks.


Awwww Theo has a superhero dog! Fry his brain, Cerebella! Honestly, there is absolutely nothing that Lunapup is going to be able to do against Brailip.


Ah, poor, poor Orchynx. Third verse, same as the first two.

Also, poor, poor, Orchynx, blamed once more by Theo for his failures as a trainer.


Y'know what, Theo, you really need to evolve your Pokemon. Like, the only one to give my party any sort of trouble was the evolved Aveden. Maybe come at me once the rest of your party have evolved? I'll handicap myself and not use Charlie. Don't listen to the anime talking about how Ash didn't evolve his Bulbasaur and Totodile and whatever and they're still somehow kicking ass... evolution straight-up just gives you stat boosts and stats don't lie.

That's the only reason Ludicolo is in the party.


Your party was at full health, you shit.


Your entire party fainted, so no, they don't receive any experience points. God, accept the loss, man. I have no sympathy left for you at this point.


Yep. You do that. I'm not competitive about who's taking down gyms faster, anyway. Ta!


After the series of mini-islands and bridges where I fought Theo, I come across this random cave, but there's nothing inside but grass, a bunch of logs and a tiki torch. Feels like an area from a Zelda game or something. As far as I can tell, the grass has exactly the same Pokemon as the beach area outside.


My party's actually relatively well-suited for Sunny Day, what with my spotlight monster being a Fire-type, and presumably eventually Coconut and Taxomonaly will be able to use Solarbeam. I don't care for a weather-focused team outside of competitive, though.


A double battle? A Feleng? Cerebella, avenge all the times that these shitty cats have used Yawn to make my life a living hell!

Cerebella could've probably helped to take down one of the cats if she used an actual move instead of using Yawn, but revenge comes first before efficiency. Cerebella actually gets taken down by the Felunge's... Bite or Feint Attack or something.


But the dumb Felunge fell asleep, so it's all worth it.


There's another boat but I can't ride it. Something something nuclear plant.


Finally, Beachball City! "Bealbeach" is so awkward to type, so for the rest of my playthrough, I'll keep referring to it as Beachball. It's actually a far larger city than Rochfale or Burole, and from the looks of it, it's some sort of a beach resort! Keep in mind that this game was released before the Alolan games, so it'd be more of a novelty then.


So many sexy girls! Bikinis! Skin! Me so horny!

Like, I get it, one of the unspoken appeals of a beach is just how many scantily-clad members of your preferred gender running around showing off their bodies, but you don't just, y'know, say it out loud like that.


Don't worry, shady watch salesman guy, I have no respect for the Rangers. You can keep selling those illegal watches and undermine their authority. I will be cheering you on!


Presumably this is the local delicacy, like the Lava Cookie, Casteliacone, Rage Candy Bar and Malasadas? Instead of functioning as a full heal, it also heals almost as much as a super potion, making it pretty dang useful. Coconut Milk's great, even if I really don't want to know how they got this from...

I will keep it away from my poor Cocaran, he doesn't need to know how humanity exploits his species.


More talk about people playing Red/Blue games, which... isn't too exciting at this point. Drag an easter egg too long and it just becomes a bit m'eh. (Also, yeah, Psychic types is just straight up OP in the first generation games).


Hahaha, someone doing a Nuzlocke challenge! What a noob, by the way -- the Kanto games are probably the second-easiest to Nuzlocke through, and the only reason the generation 1 games are hard is because of the ridiculousness of the critical hits in those games.

-pushes up geek glasses-


More people trying to hit on Ura, proving that he's appealing to anyone that likes men. Jeez, man, this dude's dialogue would be a lot creepier if I was playing a girl character. Like, sure, the "put on a swimsuit" bit makes it a lot better, but you don't go in front of a stranger and say "take your clothes off!"


Some random lady gives me an egg!

Apparently it doesn't work like the normal games, where all eggs look like the one on the right there -- white with green dots. They apparently went and gave each species's egg a unique sprite, which is frankly pretty damn amazing! I did not actually know what this was going to turn into, but hey, let's run around with it!


Ura knows what he likes, thank you very much. Prick.

Also, apparently where everyone in Burole Town talks about how "Davern is a miner" and everyone in Nowtorch Town talks about "Maria used to be the champion", the only memorable quality that Cali has for the people of Beachball Town is that she has a nice bod. But I think it speaks more about the people of Beachball Town moreso than Cali herself.


A big building here is the Beachside Resort and Casino... but despite all of the subtle and not-so-subtle hints people throw Ura's way, he isn't actually allowed to book a hotel room for himself.

The Pokemon world, where you're considered self-sufficient enough to run around unsupervised through the region and raise monsters with the potential to burn down buildings, but you can't book a hotel without adult supervision. Let's try threatening the concierge man with Charlie-

-oh god he has a Gyarados I'm sorry sir I will be on my way.


More perverts! The one on the left deserves to get dumped (only ogle other ladies when your girlfriend's not looking, men) and the one on the right is working off some bizarre delusion that Cali will go on a date with him if he beats her in a gym battle.


A salon! Instead of just raising happiness, apparently I can get a "stat boost" grooming, and whatever the hell "rare grooming" is. He is busy and will only groom a pokemon once a day, so I had him raise Charlie's special attack.

... okay? Apparently kids can't book a hotel room, but can go into gambling no problem as long as they have Pokemon? It's clearly an attempt by the writers of this game to criticize how Nintendo's been phasing out the gambling games from all the games from Generation V onwards, but at the same time it feels a wee bit juvenile more than anything.

I did chuckle at this line, though. 

Reused line from the official games that doesn't really make sense in the context of this location.

You can buy these things, but I don't really care enough for any of these -- especially not the items -- to grind through the games or spend a bucket-load of money. None of the Pokemon look especially interesting either, although I guess not all game corners just offer you a Dratini in the fourth gym. As you can see, apparently they sell mega stones here.

"Tracton" over there is, I think, a Steel/Dragon Pokemon, which is actually pretty dang interesting to own, but I never bothered getting Porygon in the Kanto games, and I sure as hell am not going to sit and grind coins to get Tracton.

As usual, the games aren't particularly exciting, it's just Voltorb Flip from HG/SS. 

Oh, goodie, the big big market that shows up in every region! I love these, even if I probably don't have a whole ton of money...

Yesss they sell Quick Balls. Quick Balls are the best balls in basically every Pokemon game. I don't buy too many, but I did buy them. 

They also sell the sort of TM's and evolution stones that you expect to find in these huge stores. I have no idea who evolves with what stone, and I have no money to buy the actually useful TM's like Thunder and Blizzard, but it's nice to see what's available.


The top store apparently has a rotating inventory, which includes some of the rarer stones like dusk stones, held items like metal coat, ethers (which are normally never sold in stores) and mega stones, apparently. Is this where I get the mega stone to evolve Charlie? I neither have the funds nor the mega ring, so nothing doing. 

Let me go to the gym... but some disembodied voice (Jiminy Kricketune?) demands that Ura sees his piece-of-shit deadbeat father in the Ranger HQ. Well, maaaaybe he's changed? About as likely as Theo's Orchynx ever actually inflicting damage to Charlie. Fine. Whatever. 

The western side of Beachball City is a huge park with angry hobos, a ship I can't interact with, and double battles. 

Also, free shit. Thief is a pretty decent Dark-type physical move, and while it's not the best, it's going to have to do on the physically-oriented Coconut until he gets better moves. Coverage is always good. Meanwhile, Amulet Coin is a great item, and always one I abuse to get double money in any Pokemon playthrough. 

-sigh-, Ura can't progress without meeting his old man, so might as well as rip off that band-aid. 

Yes, I'm Ura. Just Ura. Stop comparing me to that man, please. It's annoying.

(Also, since this is mostly a stream of consciousness thing, I will be alternating between first-person narration and third-person narration. Sorry if it's a little annoying)

Hey, dad. You're looking... well, I can't tell if you're looking good, because I never see what you look like. Also, is that a Dragon Ball Z scouter you're wearing?


Yeah, stop acting like you remembered all along, you shit. I bet you completely forgot, despite all of the times Auntie May messaged you over your Pokepod. 

No thanks to you, dickwad. Y'know what, maybe I'd consider being a Pokemon Ranger if you haven't tarnished it by making Rangers look like such irresponsible jackasses. 

Yep, it has been so long, hasn't it? What, Feleng got your tongue? You can start by apologizing for not being around, and maybe we'll work things out from there. 

Yep, "it makes sense" that I would come, huh? What, were you planning to ninja off somewhere else, like you always do? Anyway, why should you care, Kellyn? You never did. 

What, did you abolish "take your kid to work day" when you became the oh-so-great Ranger president or whatever?


Oh, yeah, sure, talk yourself up. "As you know, I'm so awesome and great, and everyone loves me." Everyone but your kid, dickwad. 

IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS, 'DAD'

"Too busy" is not coming home for a month or two. "Too busy" is restricting contact to phone calls and letters. "Too busy" is at least sending the money from your "work" home so Aunt May isn't financially bankrupt raising your son. "Too busy" is actually giving a shit about your kid's well-being.

No thanks to you, dipshit.


Yeah, and I bet you're as shit of a cadet as you are as a parent. Also, stop playing up your fucking accomplishments, they don't mean jack shit to Ura. 

Stop changing the subject, you prick. Don't act like you care about me, or Aunt May, or Uncle Cameron, or Theo.

Shit, coming from you, that's an insult. 

Kellyn just stood there gobsmacked at the fact that the kid he's abandoned and basically ignored for his life isn't impressed by the oh-so-great accomplishments he claims to have racked up, so one of his random subordinates try to rescue him and make things a wee bit less awkward. 

Cameron's working on the new power plant, apparently, to replace the one that went into a meltdown ten years ago and apparently claimed Ura's mom's life.

Kellyn, meanwhile, is quite literally trapped in the past and refuses to move on, grumbling at how it's "too soon". You do realize that this is for the good of the entire region, yeah? It's been ten years, Kellyn! You're not the only one who lost mom!

Oh wow, now you want me to be a courier? Does Ura look like a fucking mailman to you, Kellyn? Does Ura look like one of your sycophantic Ranger flunkies? Wow. You ignore Ura for years, don't even bother to show up for his huge pokemon journey thing, never called, never sent any child support, and the first thing you do when you meet him is talk up how great you are and then proceed to go make him your errand boy.

Ura's such in shock at this that he simply couldn't form a coherent sentence to refuse his shitty dad.

Like, seriously, even outside of in-character roleplay-ranting, was there a reason for Kellyn to not just, y'know, call Cameron?


Yep, you've made it clear that the only thing that matters in your life is not forgetting that, even if you have to forget your living family while doing so, Kellyn. 

You can send word and tell Cameron to expect me, but you can't say whatever the fuck's in this letter in the call? Sure, "train" the cadets. Sure. That's always been your excuse for anything. 

Unfortunately Ura is. He's going to do this one thing, but never ask him for anything else, Kellyn. Ura decides to deliberately waste time in front of his dad, and talk to the Rangers in the HQ.

So where the hell were you when all those wild Pokemon were rampaging in Comet Cave? I played Pokemon Ranger on the DS, that's what you're supposed to deal with. But nope, all you do is fail to deliver letters and break rocks. 

Prepare to be disappointed, boy.

Yep. Never mention his son to anyone. Y'know what, Ura isn't even surprised. Kellyn probably just flat-out forgot he had a son while wangsting about how his wife died. 

There's a whole medical center on the top level of the Ranger HQ, which is actually pretty cool and totally something that a Pokemon Ranger base would have. 

Nothing? Nothing else to say to me? Just a business-like tone? Prick, I ain't one of your Ranger flunkies.

(I really love RP-ing Ura as this kid who's full of rage against his deadbeat dad)

He ain't thinkin' anything, sailor man, trust me. If you could deliver this letter for me, I'd be glad, but the game won't let you do that.


Theo shows up, and his wacky antics of pestering is honestly a relief to Ura after all the drama he's had with dad throughout the day. 

Hey, Cameron! I love that grumpy sailor who's just baffled at the utterly ridiculous decision to bring two kids into a nuclear plant. 

Kellyn has been "fixated on it" ever since because his wife dead. Understandable, yes. Leading him to be so work-obsessed that he ignores his son and bankrupted Aunt May? Not at all. "Fixated" is an understatement, especially since he was apparently grumbling about how it's not right to make a completely new power plant for the entire region just because his wife died there. 

Yep yep we all watched the prologue cinematic, although it's nice to have a refresher. 

Ominous foreshadowing that the pokemon in Nuclear Plant Epsilon has been transformed! Perhaps... into a brand-new, never-before-seen type? Gadzooks!

HAHAHAHA I actually laughed out loud when Cameron just shoots down Theo's excited "oh gee we get to explore an abandoned power plant" suggestion.

At least one of the parents in this game is a responsible adult. Adopt Ura, uncle Cameron!

Whine at him, Theo, it always works! (Not)


It's far too dangerous, and as a responsible father with an actual lick of sense, Cameron decides that it's stupid to send a young teenager into an abandoned power plant, particularly one infested with wild, feral radioactive monsters.

Kellyn's wish is for Ura to go, so like a goddamn wind-up toy, apparently Ura just has to go and do whatever his father "wishes", even if that includes going into the abandoned, radioactive and highly dangerous power plant.

Also, why can't Cameron disobey orders from the chief of the rangers? He's clearly endangering a minor. Shit, man, please call child welfare on that Vegeta-cosplaying twit, uncle Cameron!

"It's not fair", Theo complains, and Cameron shuts him down again, hahahaha! Shit, it's actually pretty funny.

More warnings about the ominous nuclear Pokemon, and then Theo and the boat captain leaves. So Cameron allowed Theo to come along just to say "no" to his face? That's actually hilariously silly but also fun.

Anyway... yeah, I did enjoy writing this part of the let's play up. The writers definitely intended to play Kellyn up as a grieving dad, but so far in the playthrough I certainly don't see any real redeeming qualities from him and he's just this deadbeat dad who just shrugs everything off and pretends like, oh, he missed one birthday or two when the game's story makes it out like he's abandoned the player character and his aunt that they basically went bankrupt or some shit, and the whole "turn your kid into a delivery service and send him into a dangerous nuclear wasteland" thing doesn't help either.

Despite the missed tone about Kellyn, though, I am definitely having fun playing through the story of this game as the plot thickens! The original version of this part of the Let's Play post actually went as far as the end of the Power Plant Epsilon area, but it got so long because I had a bit too much fun playing around with Ura and Kellyn. I promise the next update will feature less cutscenes and more gameplay.