The previous part was a pretty eventful, plot-heavy one. Despite plot holes and some really irresponsible parenting and adulting, the story of Pokemon Uranium is moving forwards relatively well. Our protagonist Ura went through a nuclear wasteland, discovered some cryptic mumbo-jumbo foreshadowing about his past, beat the third gym, and witnessed a nuclear explosion, which was the cliffhanger.
In this one, in addition to the nuclear monsters, we'll be encountering a threat from a different place altogether. In space, no one can hear you scream, as Ura takes on...ALIENS.
ADORABLE ALIENS.
Also a geek that deserves a kick in the nuts.
Last we left off, Nuclear Plant Epsilon apparently blew up, unleashing a blanket of radioactive cloud towards Bealbeach Town and the surrounding area. Ura has to book it and rescue his life and run towards the ferry located not in the resort city, but impractically in the middle of the long beach route for some reason.
Haha, the Rangers are apparently unable to use their stylers to calm down the mindless Nuclear Pokemon! How's not having a single Pokemon working out for you, you damn dumbass? How's that Kellyn-brand training working for you? (Ura still has a lot of unresolved spite towards Kellyn).
Here, let my adorable giant MFC amoeba* unleash electrical shockwaves and murder this radioactive, rabid raccoon. Man, radioactive Tancoon really looks like it's going to fuck some shit up, huh?
*I just read up on microbial fuel cells a while back all thanks to Nupin over here, so thank you, game creators, for using some pretty fun biological things as a basis for your Pokemon.
Yeah, nope, Shiny Pokemon don't glow in the dark like that. Unless they're Chinchou. Or Litwick.
Nice of the game to acknowledge that, though.
OH GOD IT'S AN AMBUSH!
...not going to lie, being radioactive green and glowing doesn't make Corsola any less adorable. I can only catch one, though, so The Coconut Nut and Escherichia coli lay the smackdown on one of them.
Continuing my trend of naming Nuclear Pokemon after radioactive materials, I name her Caesium after one of the main prime sources of radioactive fallout.
"Aotius"? Did you mis-spell Arceus right there, fella?
{Ranger joined you!} So I guess you'll be healing my Pokemon or some shit like Theo did back in that cave full of Grozards and Tonemys? Okay, not going to say no to free help.
Oh, dang, that's a huge, green nuclear Gyarados! I want it.
It's a lot less epic here, but use your imagination a little. A Gyarados of any colour bursting out of the water's going to be pretty amazing and awesome.
HOREEEH SHEEETT!!!! I can't decide what's more ridiculous -- the fact that this Ranger said "holy Shinx" as a profanity, or the potential alternative where he randomly throws in real profanity with "holy shit" in a Pokemon game. Fan-game or not, I really think swearing feels tonally unnatural in it.
Also... can I just say how hilarious it is that the Ranger just books it? Man, this game really isn't making the Rangers endearing at all, huh.
And while the music is epic and all, Cerebella launches a couple of Water Pulses before I start chucking pokeballs. The Gyarados prove to be pretty tough and refuses to stay in a Pokeball, and it manages to take out Cerebella, Wigglefoot, Coconut and very nearly Taxonomaly.
This Gyarados actually has nuclear-type moves, something that's only seen very sparingly in Epsilon, which is why he deals 4x damage while also being able to inflict poison and burn status.
Not that it matters, though, because I capture it anyway. Man, the eyeless eyes on Gyarados actually look pretty damn awesome. I name him K-40 after Potassium-40, because I felt Gyarados deserved a cooler nickname.
Pussy. Sworn to defend the land my foot.
This is the extent of Hero-of-Tandor Kellyn's training? Pffft, Ura has even less respect, because apparently the thing that Kellyn has so much pride of ends up falling flat on its face.
I went back to the Pokemon Center to heal my Pokemon, and also check out the new moves. Radioacid is sort of like Nuclear-type Scald (and what K40 used to kill half my party); Nuclear Waste is Nuclear-type Toxic and Gamma Ray is Nuclear-type Pound or Gust or something.
Time to enter this tiny little cruise boat!
It's not just me mocking the out-of-scale model; the ship is actually pretty small, with probably 7 rooms in total. Which is all right, I guess, not every ship level in Pokemon needs to be as expansive as the S.S. Anne or the Abandoned Ship.
This sailor is unbelievably calm and orderly at informing me about the facilities of the ship, despite the fact that a nuclear disaster just happened, a power plant blew up and giant radioactive sea serpents and cute coral babies are attacking?
Also, fuck everyone else that didn't happen to get a cruise ticket, I guess? like, we all know that the Terlard rampaging in that cave or whatever blocked the way with Strength boulders, so they're just left to run around on the radiation-covered beaches of Bealbeach or whatever?
Apparently we're going to Vinoville Town, which is... a pretty neat jump, huh? That's definitely an interesting way to set up the region progression, I guess.
The first room I entered had Theo. Okay then.
...I'm not going to make fun of him, because he's a kid that's alone and scared and just trying to put up a big front. He's a huge bratty baby in all of his scenes prior, but this is a scene where I actually really feel sorry for him.
Aw shit, that's true, Cameron's on the power plant, and Theo doesn't know what's going on and whether his dad's alive, huh? He's telling himself that his dad's got strong monsters and can protect him from whatever's going on. Realistically, he's probably dead... but we all know the power of Main Character Syndrome, and Cameron's probably fine.
Yyyyeeeaahhh not to be a dick but you'd better put your faith in Cameron's Pokemon instead of in Kellyn. Just saying, he's sort of a walking disappointment.
And then Theo challenges me to a battle, because reasons. Aveden is actually a bad matchup for Wigglefoot here, who's weak to flying-type moves, so I switch out to something that can hurt a bird .
Go widdle baby thunder germ go! Shock Wave eats a good chunk of Aveden's here...
But then Theo switches out, letting Sableau tank the Electric-type move, completely nullifying it with Sableau's Ground-typing. Holy shit, Theo, you're... you're actually learning! I'm genuinely impressed, considering how much of a pushover Theo has been.
I mean, it's still kind of a dumb move, because E. coli is a grass-type in addition to being an electric-type, and E. coli's Giga Drain is a move that's 4x effective to Sableau, but it's the thought that counts.
(I did a little mis-click and clicked Shock Wave instead, though, allowing Sableau to get a move out... and it's Rain Dance of all things. If it had done a Ground-type move, it could've been horrible.)
I got my wits together and commanded E. coli to unleash Giga Drain... only for Theo to swap out again! Aveden tanks the Giga Drain, being able to resist Grass-type moves, and survives by a sliver of health. Okay, fine, let's zap the bird...
Oh you've got to be kidding me. He swaps back to Sableau, nullifying Shock Wave again.
I'm not sure if the AI is actually predicting when I'm using an Electric-type move or if it's just lucky... because in that turn where I mis-clicked Shock Wave twice, all it did was Rain Dance.
Two can play at the switching game! Dance, Wigglefoot!
Wigglefoot proceeds to unleash a Giga Drain that lands, one-shotting Sableau. That was fun.
Oh, a new face! Theo's third Pokemon is an official one, cute little flying perfume plague doctor bird, Spritzee. A pure Fairy, and I have neither poison not steel in my repertoire. That could prove problematic if we're facing off against an actually threatening Fairy-type.
In this case, I just unleash The Coconut Nut and just use Sand Tomb, trapping the poor baby bird in a swirling vortex of sand until she gives up the ghost.
This isn't two turns, this is Coconut one-shotting Lunapup and reducing his health from full to zero with a single Crabhammer. DEATH! BY! COCONUT!
Also haha look at Cararalm's face he just looks so pissed off at all of these cheerful Pokemon he's fighting. Grr grr I'm a walking coconut tree crab and my back hurts and all of you are trying to disturb the good time I'm having at this cruise I'm grumpy grr.
Neon masked bird vs. electric baby paramecium, round two, go!
Without the fallback plan of hiding behind his giant sandcastle buddy, Aveden dies to a single Shock Wave.
Oh, hey, cool, you evolved your Orchynx into an asymmetrical cyborg cat with floral patterns. Man I really dodged a bullet choosing the fire starter, huh.
Anyway, you guys know the drill. GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME THAT WHICH I DESIRE
I WIN AGAIN, HAHAHA oh wait fuck that's not the right thing to do to an already depressed kid oh fuck shit I got too caught up in the battle
Oh no I feel bad now. Like I genuinely feel bad. Not bad enough to throw the fight earlier, but still kinda bad.
The sailor announces that the boat's stopped, so beating Theo is probably the trigger, but I haven't explored the boat! There are some nice goodies like that TM for Double Team, a Quick Claw (went straight onto the slow Coconut) and a couple of fights.
Okay, karate man, use the STRONGest of Pokemon with capitalized STRONG. His STRONG pokemon is just a Lunapup and a Baashaun.
He hangs out with a random catgirl, nya. People who do it are annoying, nya.
Random reference to the weird old sea captain from the Kanto games that wants a backrub and will give you HM01 in exchange for it, and has been characterized as a weird pervert by the fandom. This captain, after getting a backrub from a kid, instead just calls Ura names and tells him to fuck off.
What a dick, may your ship sink into the depths of the ocean.
Okay, bye, sailor man! Instead of Vinoville Town, though, the cruise ship deposits me randomly on Route 8, the Wheat Fields. I'm not sure where the other passengers are tossed to either.
Wheat Fields are neat, because there are a bunch of cute Mareep wandering around, and there's a rest house! Unlike most other rest houses and the one in Epsilon, this one has a PC, so I can actually swap out my party. Huzzah!
This route also has a lot of random goodies! Miracle Seed goes onto Wigglefoot to boost Giga Drain. Dig is... not as good as Charlie's Magnitude, and the whole two-turn thing doesn't make is as good as Coconut's Sand Tomb. Good Rod's good, though, giving me the second tier of encounters from water routes.
Now if going back to previous places is actually practical in this game...
It's called the Wheat Fields because there's a lot of fluffy cotton wool sheep, like this official Pokemon! He's called Ramhorn, because I mis-remembered the Transformers character Ramulus. Oops.
Cottonee is also here, who I name Alraune, which is what I named my ass-kicking Whimsicott form a Black 2 Nuzlocke run. I think it's a reference to a Whimsicott from a Nuzlocke web-comic? I don't remember.
Using a Good Rod nets us with HOLY SHIT THAT THING IS ADORABLE.
Glaslug is based on the sea slug Glaucus atlanticus, one of the prettiest sea creatures ever, and probably #1 on my list of "this looks like a creature from Spore or some shit".
I spent too long trying to think up of a name for a Glaucus Pokemon, because I didn't want to just use her Latin name, so I just call her Jellyeater ("Jelly" for short) because real-life Glaucus apparently prey on jellyfish. Presumably Glaucus goes around munching Tentacool. Maybe that's why the Tandor seas are free of Tentacool.
Jelly is on the short-list of entering our party (alongside Starspawn, which I admittedly just sort of forgot when I replaced him with E. coli's egg), and being Water/Ice, I'm seriously considering replacing Ludicolo with her.
MIRROR FIGHT LET'S GO.
It's not a fair fight, because Taxonomaly starts with a handicap of damaged health... but in turn has access to Aerial Ace.
This is my current party, and I'm actually, for the first time, very, very happy with all six members. Some of them might change because apparently the game's going to get super-hard in the future, but I'm sticking with this team for now. Very tempted to swap out Ludicolo for Glaslug, but I'm not 100% sure...
BATTLE MONTAGE. This team is actually performing really well, with decent coverage against most of the things we face.
Bullet Seed isn't the best Grass-type move, but it works off the physical stat. Coconut is a strictly physical attacker, so despite the damage difference, I actually think that Bullet Seed is a lot better on Coconut than Giga Drain.
...besides, they are coconut seeds. Death by coconut!
Oh, hey, it's one of these things. It's a pure Dragon-type, and... and it's just a weird dragon snake with a hand on its butt. Boring, but I appreciate that sometimes Pokemon doesn't need some obscure animal or legend as an inspiration, and it has a place for just a dragon with a tail butt. I call him Migi.
Oh hey random sidequest! Ripley. Hmm, where have I heard that name before? She needs help, and Ura is a helpful sort.
Crop circles? Ripley goes outright and tells us that this is the work of ALIENS but no one believes her.
Oh, right. Ripley, and the Alien franchise. Right. Xenomorphs don't actually make crop circles, though, nor do they disturb farms. They fuck people up through a parasitic life cycle and stalk people on space stations. It's utterly bizarre that they stuck Ripley the walking Alien homage on a side-quest with the different sort of alien fakemons altogether, because there are actual fakemons in this fan game based on actual xenomorphs from Alien. S'weird.
I'm getting some fun Majora's Mask vibe from this, only instead of running around defending a farm from aliens on space saucers, Ura's just playing the "sneak past patrolling guards" game. Which is a common trope in Zelda games, so... close enough?
I basically just have to sneak past them.
Which... is kinda annoying but also kinda fun. Thanks to being able to save at any point in this mini game, though, I can just save-scum my way through this...
Oh shit, it's an angry version of the Toy STory aliens on a weird saucer with grabby hands!
It attacks! Haha, what a fun name. S51-A, because Area 51, get it? S51-A is probably the Fakemon that looks least like a Pokemon aesthetic-wise, but I like it.
I tried to throw a Pokeball on it, and wasted an entire turn as apparently, this Pokemon "is unable to be captured". I wasted a Quick Ball, and the already-injured Wigglefoot gets Zen Headbutted in her poor duck face. Which has got to hurt, S51-A has a glass dome head.
I didn't get screenshots of it, but Charlie two-shots this thing with Flame Wheels.
Ripley shows up after I beat up the alien with my fire dinosaur. Jurassic Park >>>> Independence Day.
Apparently some douchebag was bored, and unleashed aliens on the farm. Nothing says alleviating boredom like defacing other people's properties and terrorizing them at night!
Wait, this isn't the first time, miss Ripley? If there's someone who often pranks people, isn't the obvious "aliens attacking the farm and making crop circles" bit obviously that person? This is like the reversal of that boy who cried wolf fable or some shit.
Wow, what a dick. Sheldon, you're a dick. Look, just because your neighbours are farmers who aren't doing anything "exciting" doesn't mean you unleash your dumb psychic UFO to terrorize them, you piece of shit.
It's not funny at all, it's a crime is what it is. Call the cops!
...oh no, wait, the Rangers are useless. FUCK! Well, street justice it is. Charlie, burn this fucker down!
There's not having a sense of humour, Sheldon, and there's not tolerating defacing someone's lifeblood and disturbing their nights. You're not bored, Sheldon, you're just a dick.
I will make it my personal life goal to have Coconut crabhammer you in the dick with his giant coconut claws.
...wait, what, really? S51-A is your strongest Pokemon? Well, even with wasting a turn trying to catch it, my Archilles two-shot it, and not even with a move like flamethrower or nothing. With a flame wheel.
Haha, you dumb fuck, your gym's going to be a cakewalk. I will walk all over your stupid gym and have Coconut unleash death by coconut upon you.
Yeah, I hate Kellyn, but you don't see me siccing Charlie and having him burn down every Ranger HQ I pass. Even though I want to. No, that Sheldon twit is just a grade-A dick. Don't worry, miss Ripley, I'll burn down his gym for you.
I can't catch a single one of them, on account of them jumping into lightspeed every time I approach them.
Hooray! S51 isn't the best Aliens homage, but it's a fun design that looks adorable, just this green blob baby on a saucer with ribbon hands, and I love it! Another one on the short-list with Starspawn and Jelly to enter the party. I name this little buddy LV-426, after the planet where Ripley's crew accidentally took in the alien larva in Alien.
Random TM in front of Ripley's house.
At this point I realize I was being a dumbass, and while looking at Cocaralm's stats, I realize that the item evolution is a hilariously simple one... give the little palm tree critter some Coconut Milk -- a healing item that I've had since Beachball City. I could've had this thing as soon as I evolved Coconut the first time! And unlike official stone evolutions, Cocaran's final form still learns moves by level up!
The coconut nut is a big big nut, but this delicious nut IS NOT A NUT
Man, Cocancer just looks even more pissed than Coraralm. He also now has an entire beach as a crab shell, complete with a cameo from little old Staryu! He still has coconut pincers, and his own coco-palm tree, and even more palm trunks as legs! Most of all I love just how pissed he looks. Maybe he's as pissed at Sheldon as I am! Come, Coconut, we'll go and beat him up and unleash death by coconut!
This route has a Safari Zone, but, as you can see from the screenshots... god damn it, Kellyn.
Okay, apparently Vinoville Town is a religious town? And the gym leader is a dick with a UFO monster?
At least random dude in the Pokemon Center note just how clashing the themes are. Sheldon is trying to stand out from the boring town, though, so it's an intentional culture clash. I like it!
Otherwise, the people in the town just talk about farming.
First Aotius, now Mutios? Laying on things thick with the new Poke-god lore, huh? At this point, we get an introdump that's done even worse than the library levels of Generation IV and VII.
The other building of prominence is this church.
Everyone here is praying and saying generic religious things. Yeah, the two main deities here are Aotius and Mutios, but Arceus is above them all.
-sigh- Okay, tell me about your exposition and lore, Mr. Pastor Man.
This isn't half of the things the Pastor says. Neat homage to the Thousand-Armed Creator title of Arceus, and there's an attempt of making Heatran part of a new legendary trio, two of which are found in Tandor. Man, there are better ways to explore the mythology of a region than to just have a gigantic wall of text. TL;DR, the Tandor people sorta worship Aotius and Mutios, who are basically yin/yang dudes similar to Zekrom and Reshiram but more in-your-face.
The reason that the fourth and seventh generation get away with so much lore is that they're given to us piecemeal -- we have context to who the Tapus are in Generation VII both as Pokemon and in relation to the culture of the region before getting the backstory about them; and we've gotten piecemeal legends about Dialga/Palkia/Arceus in Generation IV before the huge library infodump.
Also, it ends up being a wee bit unfortunate since Uranium got hit with the C&D from Nintendo before Aotius and Mutios are implemented in a now-scrapped update. Oops!
There are five commandments from Aotius and Mutios. The first is... kind of hard, since wild Pokemon and random trainers initiate conflict first.
The second is also hard, because as you can see, the Pokemon of Tandor are sometimes irradiated, and sometimes are like Terlard where they just drive an entire cave berserk for no reason and attack me.
The third... okay, yeah, it doesn't really apply to Ura.
The fourth... man, this Amulet Coin and the desire to catch rare Pokemon is really hard to shake off.
The fifth... I guess by completing the Pokedex I'm indirectly bringing knowledge? I will shout out at the top of my lungs that "Kellyn is a dick, the Pokemon Rangers are useless, and also Sheldon is a dick", which is knowledge that Tandor could definitely use. So... yeah, Ura's not a good follower of the Five Commandments of Some Poke God or Other.
He gives me candy. Rare candy.
HOW IS BABBY FORMED
Something something about Autios and Mutios apparently taking the forms of different pokemon, so Reshiram and Zekrom are 'lesser' aspects of the two? My fan-characters are so great that the official ones are mere shadows of it!
Not going to lie, after the long, long exposition, this bit made me chortle.
Far more interesting and relevant thematically to the plot of Uranium so far is this random book, talking about Groudon, who laid three eggs. Groudon is female, apparently. And Heatran apparently was the one who hatched first and created valuable metals from lava.
Heatran's second brother, Lanthan, living in Lanthanite Mountain (an actual area in this game), apparently "took the rare and elusive ores without names and fixed them underground", so I guess he's the one responsible for underground ores or some shit.
And like some sort of bizarre post-modern Prometheus, Actan (named after actinide) shows up, and taught humans how to use nuclear material, which is just such a bizarre combination of ancient mythological-style legends and some modern-day sciences, which is just hilarious, and probably the best (read: only genuinely good) part of this whole legend exposition. Honestly, I'd be happy nixing the whole Aotious sermon and replacing it with the Heatran/Actan/Lanthan one instead.
Ah, a legend aboutMercenary Taopaipai Baitaotao, who's apparently some deep-sea god that steals eyesights while simultaneously lights the way for travelers to have a safe journey. It's like Cthulhu and Poseidon has some really funky sex and made a baby, and that baby is Baitaotao. It's actually a fun, interesting concept for a legendary, and since Baitaotao is one of three water-type legendaries... it's actually one that I'm sort of disappointed didn't make it into the game proper either.
Here's what I think of your sermon, Mr. Aotius Pastor Man. TM82: Sleep Talk -- I sleep while you talk.
Anyway... that's it for this update! I feel we progressed a fair bit, clearing a couple of small areas, completing a sidequest and listen to a lot of exposition. Next time... we kick Sheldon in the dick!
Haha, the Rangers are apparently unable to use their stylers to calm down the mindless Nuclear Pokemon! How's not having a single Pokemon working out for you, you damn dumbass? How's that Kellyn-brand training working for you? (Ura still has a lot of unresolved spite towards Kellyn).
Here, let my adorable giant MFC amoeba* unleash electrical shockwaves and murder this radioactive, rabid raccoon. Man, radioactive Tancoon really looks like it's going to fuck some shit up, huh?
*I just read up on microbial fuel cells a while back all thanks to Nupin over here, so thank you, game creators, for using some pretty fun biological things as a basis for your Pokemon.
Yeah, nope, Shiny Pokemon don't glow in the dark like that. Unless they're Chinchou. Or Litwick.
Nice of the game to acknowledge that, though.
OH GOD IT'S AN AMBUSH!
...not going to lie, being radioactive green and glowing doesn't make Corsola any less adorable. I can only catch one, though, so The Coconut Nut and Escherichia coli lay the smackdown on one of them.
Continuing my trend of naming Nuclear Pokemon after radioactive materials, I name her Caesium after one of the main prime sources of radioactive fallout.
"Aotius"? Did you mis-spell Arceus right there, fella?
{Ranger joined you!} So I guess you'll be healing my Pokemon or some shit like Theo did back in that cave full of Grozards and Tonemys? Okay, not going to say no to free help.
Oh, dang, that's a huge, green nuclear Gyarados! I want it.
It's a lot less epic here, but use your imagination a little. A Gyarados of any colour bursting out of the water's going to be pretty amazing and awesome.
HOREEEH SHEEETT!!!! I can't decide what's more ridiculous -- the fact that this Ranger said "holy Shinx" as a profanity, or the potential alternative where he randomly throws in real profanity with "holy shit" in a Pokemon game. Fan-game or not, I really think swearing feels tonally unnatural in it.
Also... can I just say how hilarious it is that the Ranger just books it? Man, this game really isn't making the Rangers endearing at all, huh.
And while the music is epic and all, Cerebella launches a couple of Water Pulses before I start chucking pokeballs. The Gyarados prove to be pretty tough and refuses to stay in a Pokeball, and it manages to take out Cerebella, Wigglefoot, Coconut and very nearly Taxonomaly.
This Gyarados actually has nuclear-type moves, something that's only seen very sparingly in Epsilon, which is why he deals 4x damage while also being able to inflict poison and burn status.
Not that it matters, though, because I capture it anyway. Man, the eyeless eyes on Gyarados actually look pretty damn awesome. I name him K-40 after Potassium-40, because I felt Gyarados deserved a cooler nickname.
Pussy. Sworn to defend the land my foot.
This is the extent of Hero-of-Tandor Kellyn's training? Pffft, Ura has even less respect, because apparently the thing that Kellyn has so much pride of ends up falling flat on its face.
I went back to the Pokemon Center to heal my Pokemon, and also check out the new moves. Radioacid is sort of like Nuclear-type Scald (and what K40 used to kill half my party); Nuclear Waste is Nuclear-type Toxic and Gamma Ray is Nuclear-type Pound or Gust or something.
Time to enter this tiny little cruise boat!
It's not just me mocking the out-of-scale model; the ship is actually pretty small, with probably 7 rooms in total. Which is all right, I guess, not every ship level in Pokemon needs to be as expansive as the S.S. Anne or the Abandoned Ship.
This sailor is unbelievably calm and orderly at informing me about the facilities of the ship, despite the fact that a nuclear disaster just happened, a power plant blew up and giant radioactive sea serpents and cute coral babies are attacking?
Also, fuck everyone else that didn't happen to get a cruise ticket, I guess? like, we all know that the Terlard rampaging in that cave or whatever blocked the way with Strength boulders, so they're just left to run around on the radiation-covered beaches of Bealbeach or whatever?
Apparently we're going to Vinoville Town, which is... a pretty neat jump, huh? That's definitely an interesting way to set up the region progression, I guess.
The first room I entered had Theo. Okay then.
...I'm not going to make fun of him, because he's a kid that's alone and scared and just trying to put up a big front. He's a huge bratty baby in all of his scenes prior, but this is a scene where I actually really feel sorry for him.
Aw shit, that's true, Cameron's on the power plant, and Theo doesn't know what's going on and whether his dad's alive, huh? He's telling himself that his dad's got strong monsters and can protect him from whatever's going on. Realistically, he's probably dead... but we all know the power of Main Character Syndrome, and Cameron's probably fine.
Yyyyeeeaahhh not to be a dick but you'd better put your faith in Cameron's Pokemon instead of in Kellyn. Just saying, he's sort of a walking disappointment.
And then Theo challenges me to a battle, because reasons. Aveden is actually a bad matchup for Wigglefoot here, who's weak to flying-type moves, so I switch out to something that can hurt a bird .
Go widdle baby thunder germ go! Shock Wave eats a good chunk of Aveden's here...
But then Theo switches out, letting Sableau tank the Electric-type move, completely nullifying it with Sableau's Ground-typing. Holy shit, Theo, you're... you're actually learning! I'm genuinely impressed, considering how much of a pushover Theo has been.
I mean, it's still kind of a dumb move, because E. coli is a grass-type in addition to being an electric-type, and E. coli's Giga Drain is a move that's 4x effective to Sableau, but it's the thought that counts.
(I did a little mis-click and clicked Shock Wave instead, though, allowing Sableau to get a move out... and it's Rain Dance of all things. If it had done a Ground-type move, it could've been horrible.)
I got my wits together and commanded E. coli to unleash Giga Drain... only for Theo to swap out again! Aveden tanks the Giga Drain, being able to resist Grass-type moves, and survives by a sliver of health. Okay, fine, let's zap the bird...
Oh you've got to be kidding me. He swaps back to Sableau, nullifying Shock Wave again.
I'm not sure if the AI is actually predicting when I'm using an Electric-type move or if it's just lucky... because in that turn where I mis-clicked Shock Wave twice, all it did was Rain Dance.
Two can play at the switching game! Dance, Wigglefoot!
Wigglefoot proceeds to unleash a Giga Drain that lands, one-shotting Sableau. That was fun.
Oh, a new face! Theo's third Pokemon is an official one, cute little flying perfume plague doctor bird, Spritzee. A pure Fairy, and I have neither poison not steel in my repertoire. That could prove problematic if we're facing off against an actually threatening Fairy-type.
In this case, I just unleash The Coconut Nut and just use Sand Tomb, trapping the poor baby bird in a swirling vortex of sand until she gives up the ghost.
This isn't two turns, this is Coconut one-shotting Lunapup and reducing his health from full to zero with a single Crabhammer. DEATH! BY! COCONUT!
Also haha look at Cararalm's face he just looks so pissed off at all of these cheerful Pokemon he's fighting. Grr grr I'm a walking coconut tree crab and my back hurts and all of you are trying to disturb the good time I'm having at this cruise I'm grumpy grr.
Neon masked bird vs. electric baby paramecium, round two, go!
Without the fallback plan of hiding behind his giant sandcastle buddy, Aveden dies to a single Shock Wave.
Oh, hey, cool, you evolved your Orchynx into an asymmetrical cyborg cat with floral patterns. Man I really dodged a bullet choosing the fire starter, huh.
Anyway, you guys know the drill. GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME THAT WHICH I DESIRE
I WIN AGAIN, HAHAHA oh wait fuck that's not the right thing to do to an already depressed kid oh fuck shit I got too caught up in the battle
Oh no I feel bad now. Like I genuinely feel bad. Not bad enough to throw the fight earlier, but still kinda bad.
The sailor announces that the boat's stopped, so beating Theo is probably the trigger, but I haven't explored the boat! There are some nice goodies like that TM for Double Team, a Quick Claw (went straight onto the slow Coconut) and a couple of fights.
Okay, karate man, use the STRONGest of Pokemon with capitalized STRONG. His STRONG pokemon is just a Lunapup and a Baashaun.
He hangs out with a random catgirl, nya. People who do it are annoying, nya.
Random reference to the weird old sea captain from the Kanto games that wants a backrub and will give you HM01 in exchange for it, and has been characterized as a weird pervert by the fandom. This captain, after getting a backrub from a kid, instead just calls Ura names and tells him to fuck off.
What a dick, may your ship sink into the depths of the ocean.
Okay, bye, sailor man! Instead of Vinoville Town, though, the cruise ship deposits me randomly on Route 8, the Wheat Fields. I'm not sure where the other passengers are tossed to either.
Wheat Fields are neat, because there are a bunch of cute Mareep wandering around, and there's a rest house! Unlike most other rest houses and the one in Epsilon, this one has a PC, so I can actually swap out my party. Huzzah!
This route also has a lot of random goodies! Miracle Seed goes onto Wigglefoot to boost Giga Drain. Dig is... not as good as Charlie's Magnitude, and the whole two-turn thing doesn't make is as good as Coconut's Sand Tomb. Good Rod's good, though, giving me the second tier of encounters from water routes.
Now if going back to previous places is actually practical in this game...
It's called the Wheat Fields because there's a lot of fluffy cotton wool sheep, like this official Pokemon! He's called Ramhorn, because I mis-remembered the Transformers character Ramulus. Oops.
Cottonee is also here, who I name Alraune, which is what I named my ass-kicking Whimsicott form a Black 2 Nuzlocke run. I think it's a reference to a Whimsicott from a Nuzlocke web-comic? I don't remember.
-insert "I'm not trapped with you, you're trapped with me" generic joke-
This Misdreavus is named after Moaning Myrtle. Lots of official Pokemon on this route, huh. Other critters here include the pretty common Ekans, as well as Baashaun.
This Misdreavus is named after Moaning Myrtle. Lots of official Pokemon on this route, huh. Other critters here include the pretty common Ekans, as well as Baashaun.
Using a Good Rod nets us with HOLY SHIT THAT THING IS ADORABLE.
Glaslug is based on the sea slug Glaucus atlanticus, one of the prettiest sea creatures ever, and probably #1 on my list of "this looks like a creature from Spore or some shit".
I spent too long trying to think up of a name for a Glaucus Pokemon, because I didn't want to just use her Latin name, so I just call her Jellyeater ("Jelly" for short) because real-life Glaucus apparently prey on jellyfish. Presumably Glaucus goes around munching Tentacool. Maybe that's why the Tandor seas are free of Tentacool.
Jelly is on the short-list of entering our party (alongside Starspawn, which I admittedly just sort of forgot when I replaced him with E. coli's egg), and being Water/Ice, I'm seriously considering replacing Ludicolo with her.
MIRROR FIGHT LET'S GO.
It's not a fair fight, because Taxonomaly starts with a handicap of damaged health... but in turn has access to Aerial Ace.
This is my current party, and I'm actually, for the first time, very, very happy with all six members. Some of them might change because apparently the game's going to get super-hard in the future, but I'm sticking with this team for now. Very tempted to swap out Ludicolo for Glaslug, but I'm not 100% sure...
BATTLE MONTAGE. This team is actually performing really well, with decent coverage against most of the things we face.
Bullet Seed isn't the best Grass-type move, but it works off the physical stat. Coconut is a strictly physical attacker, so despite the damage difference, I actually think that Bullet Seed is a lot better on Coconut than Giga Drain.
...besides, they are coconut seeds. Death by coconut!
Oh, hey, it's one of these things. It's a pure Dragon-type, and... and it's just a weird dragon snake with a hand on its butt. Boring, but I appreciate that sometimes Pokemon doesn't need some obscure animal or legend as an inspiration, and it has a place for just a dragon with a tail butt. I call him Migi.
Oh hey random sidequest! Ripley. Hmm, where have I heard that name before? She needs help, and Ura is a helpful sort.
Crop circles? Ripley goes outright and tells us that this is the work of ALIENS but no one believes her.
Oh, right. Ripley, and the Alien franchise. Right. Xenomorphs don't actually make crop circles, though, nor do they disturb farms. They fuck people up through a parasitic life cycle and stalk people on space stations. It's utterly bizarre that they stuck Ripley the walking Alien homage on a side-quest with the different sort of alien fakemons altogether, because there are actual fakemons in this fan game based on actual xenomorphs from Alien. S'weird.I'm getting some fun Majora's Mask vibe from this, only instead of running around defending a farm from aliens on space saucers, Ura's just playing the "sneak past patrolling guards" game. Which is a common trope in Zelda games, so... close enough?
I basically just have to sneak past them.
Which... is kinda annoying but also kinda fun. Thanks to being able to save at any point in this mini game, though, I can just save-scum my way through this...
Oh shit, it's an angry version of the Toy STory aliens on a weird saucer with grabby hands!
It attacks! Haha, what a fun name. S51-A, because Area 51, get it? S51-A is probably the Fakemon that looks least like a Pokemon aesthetic-wise, but I like it.
I tried to throw a Pokeball on it, and wasted an entire turn as apparently, this Pokemon "is unable to be captured". I wasted a Quick Ball, and the already-injured Wigglefoot gets Zen Headbutted in her poor duck face. Which has got to hurt, S51-A has a glass dome head.
I didn't get screenshots of it, but Charlie two-shots this thing with Flame Wheels.
Ripley shows up after I beat up the alien with my fire dinosaur. Jurassic Park >>>> Independence Day.
Apparently some douchebag was bored, and unleashed aliens on the farm. Nothing says alleviating boredom like defacing other people's properties and terrorizing them at night!
Wait, this isn't the first time, miss Ripley? If there's someone who often pranks people, isn't the obvious "aliens attacking the farm and making crop circles" bit obviously that person? This is like the reversal of that boy who cried wolf fable or some shit.
Wow, what a dick. Sheldon, you're a dick. Look, just because your neighbours are farmers who aren't doing anything "exciting" doesn't mean you unleash your dumb psychic UFO to terrorize them, you piece of shit.
It's not funny at all, it's a crime is what it is. Call the cops!
...oh no, wait, the Rangers are useless. FUCK! Well, street justice it is. Charlie, burn this fucker down!
There's not having a sense of humour, Sheldon, and there's not tolerating defacing someone's lifeblood and disturbing their nights. You're not bored, Sheldon, you're just a dick.
I will make it my personal life goal to have Coconut crabhammer you in the dick with his giant coconut claws.
...wait, what, really? S51-A is your strongest Pokemon? Well, even with wasting a turn trying to catch it, my Archilles two-shot it, and not even with a move like flamethrower or nothing. With a flame wheel.
Haha, you dumb fuck, your gym's going to be a cakewalk. I will walk all over your stupid gym and have Coconut unleash death by coconut upon you.
Yeah, I hate Kellyn, but you don't see me siccing Charlie and having him burn down every Ranger HQ I pass. Even though I want to. No, that Sheldon twit is just a grade-A dick. Don't worry, miss Ripley, I'll burn down his gym for you.
I can't catch a single one of them, on account of them jumping into lightspeed every time I approach them.
Hooray! S51 isn't the best Aliens homage, but it's a fun design that looks adorable, just this green blob baby on a saucer with ribbon hands, and I love it! Another one on the short-list with Starspawn and Jelly to enter the party. I name this little buddy LV-426, after the planet where Ripley's crew accidentally took in the alien larva in Alien.
Random TM in front of Ripley's house.
At this point I realize I was being a dumbass, and while looking at Cocaralm's stats, I realize that the item evolution is a hilariously simple one... give the little palm tree critter some Coconut Milk -- a healing item that I've had since Beachball City. I could've had this thing as soon as I evolved Coconut the first time! And unlike official stone evolutions, Cocaran's final form still learns moves by level up!
The coconut nut is a big big nut, but this delicious nut IS NOT A NUT
Man, Cocancer just looks even more pissed than Coraralm. He also now has an entire beach as a crab shell, complete with a cameo from little old Staryu! He still has coconut pincers, and his own coco-palm tree, and even more palm trunks as legs! Most of all I love just how pissed he looks. Maybe he's as pissed at Sheldon as I am! Come, Coconut, we'll go and beat him up and unleash death by coconut!
This route has a Safari Zone, but, as you can see from the screenshots... god damn it, Kellyn.
Okay, apparently Vinoville Town is a religious town? And the gym leader is a dick with a UFO monster?
At least random dude in the Pokemon Center note just how clashing the themes are. Sheldon is trying to stand out from the boring town, though, so it's an intentional culture clash. I like it!
Otherwise, the people in the town just talk about farming.
First Aotius, now Mutios? Laying on things thick with the new Poke-god lore, huh? At this point, we get an introdump that's done even worse than the library levels of Generation IV and VII.
The other building of prominence is this church.
Everyone here is praying and saying generic religious things. Yeah, the two main deities here are Aotius and Mutios, but Arceus is above them all.
-sigh- Okay, tell me about your exposition and lore, Mr. Pastor Man.
This isn't half of the things the Pastor says. Neat homage to the Thousand-Armed Creator title of Arceus, and there's an attempt of making Heatran part of a new legendary trio, two of which are found in Tandor. Man, there are better ways to explore the mythology of a region than to just have a gigantic wall of text. TL;DR, the Tandor people sorta worship Aotius and Mutios, who are basically yin/yang dudes similar to Zekrom and Reshiram but more in-your-face.
The reason that the fourth and seventh generation get away with so much lore is that they're given to us piecemeal -- we have context to who the Tapus are in Generation VII both as Pokemon and in relation to the culture of the region before getting the backstory about them; and we've gotten piecemeal legends about Dialga/Palkia/Arceus in Generation IV before the huge library infodump.
Also, it ends up being a wee bit unfortunate since Uranium got hit with the C&D from Nintendo before Aotius and Mutios are implemented in a now-scrapped update. Oops!
There are five commandments from Aotius and Mutios. The first is... kind of hard, since wild Pokemon and random trainers initiate conflict first.
The second is also hard, because as you can see, the Pokemon of Tandor are sometimes irradiated, and sometimes are like Terlard where they just drive an entire cave berserk for no reason and attack me.
The third... okay, yeah, it doesn't really apply to Ura.
The fourth... man, this Amulet Coin and the desire to catch rare Pokemon is really hard to shake off.
The fifth... I guess by completing the Pokedex I'm indirectly bringing knowledge? I will shout out at the top of my lungs that "Kellyn is a dick, the Pokemon Rangers are useless, and also Sheldon is a dick", which is knowledge that Tandor could definitely use. So... yeah, Ura's not a good follower of the Five Commandments of Some Poke God or Other.
He gives me candy. Rare candy.
HOW IS BABBY FORMED
Something something about Autios and Mutios apparently taking the forms of different pokemon, so Reshiram and Zekrom are 'lesser' aspects of the two? My fan-characters are so great that the official ones are mere shadows of it!
Not going to lie, after the long, long exposition, this bit made me chortle.
Far more interesting and relevant thematically to the plot of Uranium so far is this random book, talking about Groudon, who laid three eggs. Groudon is female, apparently. And Heatran apparently was the one who hatched first and created valuable metals from lava.
Heatran's second brother, Lanthan, living in Lanthanite Mountain (an actual area in this game), apparently "took the rare and elusive ores without names and fixed them underground", so I guess he's the one responsible for underground ores or some shit.
And like some sort of bizarre post-modern Prometheus, Actan (named after actinide) shows up, and taught humans how to use nuclear material, which is just such a bizarre combination of ancient mythological-style legends and some modern-day sciences, which is just hilarious, and probably the best (read: only genuinely good) part of this whole legend exposition. Honestly, I'd be happy nixing the whole Aotious sermon and replacing it with the Heatran/Actan/Lanthan one instead.
Ah, a legend about
Here's what I think of your sermon, Mr. Aotius Pastor Man. TM82: Sleep Talk -- I sleep while you talk.
Anyway... that's it for this update! I feel we progressed a fair bit, clearing a couple of small areas, completing a sidequest and listen to a lot of exposition. Next time... we kick Sheldon in the dick!
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