Let's Play Pokemon Uranium: Part 11: Dattebayo

Last time we left off, we fought the first gym leader to give Ura a challenge, as well as a giant angry queen bug whose reign was cut short by the glories of Charlie the dinosaur. But none of it honestly end up being the most memorable thing about that part of the let's play, because... SURFIN' NINJAS GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN.

Honestly, words still cannot express how bizarre that sequence of events ended up being, and apparently it escalated! Click below to see Ura's journey through the sea routes that separate east and west Tandor, welcome a brand-new team member, and revel in a particularly... insane part of this fan-game.



Hello, LV-426, welcome to the party! LV doesn't stand for Louis Vuitton, or "LeVi", or anything like that. She's just L.V.

Wigglefoot will take a well-deserved retirement in the "Party Members" box. The main reason is that despite her being pretty powerful, I do want both a rotating team and one that shows off the Fakemon original to this fangame as much as I can. Wigglefoot also sort of overlaps with Cerebella for Water, and with both E. coli and Coconut for Grass, so I do want to get more coverage in the party.


LV-426 is a Psychic/Steel, similar to Metagross, but with the ability levitate to get rid of one of its weaknesses. His moves are pretty much ass, though... so I buff him up with TM's. He can learn Dark Pulse, which is pretty useful since it covers a couple of types I wasn't able to deal with before. Gyro Ball isn't the best but it's the closest I can get to STAB Steel before Flash Cannon. Overheat's just there to be cute, in case of emergencies.

I just assume when using overheat the bottom part of LV's adorable little UFO just opens up and a big-ass Looney Tunes chunky space gun pops up and unleashes hell on the opposing pokemon.


Anyway, continuing the sea route, where we were last accosted by surfin' ninjas who's gonna take me down.


The Grass/Electric E. coli is god in this sea route, by the way. E. coli is faster than most of the buggers in the route, and with Thunderbolt it can one-shot kill almost anything that is a water-type, and it's speedy enough to get the bolt in before they have a chance to react.


One of the random trainers had an Electruxo, the final evolved form of the water starter, Eletux. It's a lot less awkward-looking than Eletux, and I like the ridiculous mohawk, but I still find Archilles to look a lot more visually appealing.

It might be a starter, but E. coli one-shots the thing with an Energy Ball regardless. All will be phagocytosized by E. coli!


Also while it's mostly Tubjaws and Frynais, this dumb thing is the rare encounter of the route.

It's one of the few things I'll call out Uranium on because come on. Fusing the Titanic with the iceberg that caused its disaster, and drawing a face? That's just crass. And it's not even Ice/Steel, which you'd think would be the obvious typing. I quick ball this, name him DiCaprio and toss him in a box.


HIYAH. Okay this is the sort of ridiculousness I can get behind.


No one fucks with the ninja clan! Especially not the surfing ninja clan!

Man, and people thought teenage ninja mutant turtles were too many ridiculous adjectives strung together.


Genin and Chuunin? Oh, so I guess that other one was supposed to be "Jounin", and these are the three ninja ranks from Naruto. So, uh, Ronin was there, uh... just 'cause, I guess?

I still can't get behind just how ridiculous these guys look.


This time I don't act like a dumbass and put Charlie in front, but rather the two grass-types in my party. As usual, E. coli guarantees a one-shot kill on one of the Saidines. Coconut missed his attack, though, probably because he was distracted by the surfing ninjas catching a big wave or some shit.


Corsoreef is the fan-made evolved form of Corsola for this game, and it looks simultaneously awkward and also pretty adorable. It's also 4x weak to grass, so Coconut lobs coconut bullet seeds until it breaks apart. Starfishes aren't the only threat to huge coral reefs! The Saidine dies to a thunderbolt.


A Sponaree is a water type, but pretty off for a sea-themed trainer, huh? Although I guess these are surfing ninjas, so any theme is sort of out of the window. Regardless, the bubble ant-spider would be hard-pressed to take on a single one of my two Pokemon, let alone both at once.


Gaijin? Wait, gaijin refers to an outsider. Ura is a natural-born Tandorian! You damn kuso-baka.

I just find this shoehorned otaku shit pretty hilarious, honestly.


That item on the beach is a Shell Bell, which is a pretty neat held item. It restores health and whatnot. I gave it to E. coli, I think.


Momotarou?

Another one of those stat training dojos. HP is not the type of stat I want to waste EV's building up, though. Also, apparently this Tarou fellow is unaffiliated with the Naruto knockoff ninjas? Or something? Is there like a Hidden Surf Village and a Hidden Super-training Village, and the two are at war with each other? What's the lore?


NANIIIII????


NANDA KORE WAAAA????!?


Oh fuck I actually paused and laughed. Their boss is just called "Hokage", after the leader position in Naruto. "Hokage" is a title that means "flame shadow", because they're the hidden flame village, meaning this half-assed homage ends up being hilariously out-of-place since he's a surfing ninja specializing in water Pokemon.

I mean, sure, we've got Tobirama with his fancy fur-coat, but come on.


Stop calling Ura gaijin. He is both native Tandorian and ethnically Japanese.

I always assume most of the Pokemon protagonists are ethnically Japanese.


The Hokage, apparently, has never heard of potions before, because that is exactly what I do after most battles. And it's not like the ninjas act as a proper gauntlet, being spaced out like that. Also, no, none of my Pokemon are tired.

Also this Hokage's a cowardly bitch.


Haha, Hokage doesn't even have a unique character model!

Come on come on come on let the bodies hit the floor!


See, I have a pretty simple solution for every single god-damn thing the Hokage sends out: my little adorable baby giant generator amoeba, who will fuck them up. Anyway, cue the music!

SOUND OF THE DRUMS


BEATING IN MY HEART

THE THUNDER OF GUNS


TORE ME APART

Oh come the fuck on, you ruined E. coli's one-turn kill streak! Vaporeon is notorious for having a huge HP stat, but this dumb shit spent its one turn casting Acid Armor. 

And then Hokage tries to use his ninja medication to heal up Vaporeon


But it didn't bring Vaporeon's massive HP back to full health and E. coli ends up gib im a dunderbolt.

YOU'VE BEEN

THUNDERSTRUCK!

CLEAN SWEEP.

I really, really love E. coli. With all of Hokage's team being evolved Pokemon it's also pretty great experience for E. coli. I'm pretty sure this is also our first meeting with Tubjaw's evolution Tubareel (who's basically a longer Tubjaw), as well as Saidine's evolution, the bizarre Spongebob background character with a katana glued to his head. Honestly, if Daikatuna didn't look so odd, I might have actually been tempted to use one -- I did love the Frynai and Saidine line.

But hey, why bother with those second-rate fishies when you've got E. coli with his energy balls and thunderbolts?


The goddamn Hokage is surprised that his army of fishes (and sea-fox) are utterly and absolutely demolished by my electric-generating giant bacterium.


They are now bowing before E. coli.

Somehow. While on surfboards.


And they have been so utterly shamed by E. coli that they give him the title of Hokage. And it didn't take him 700 manga chapters for E. coli to become the Hokage. Although I suppose E. coli's more of a Raikage, considering he's a lighting-user?

Titles don't matter to a bacterium like E. coli, but he appreciates the dumb surfing ninjas bowing to him.

And then the previous Hokage disappears.


Um, yes, yes, hail the new Hokage, E. coli. These ninjas are crazy, man.

And then they disappear.


And... and that's the utter end of that utterly bizarre side-quest. My bacteria's crowned the new Hokage and leader of a gang of surfing ninjas.

I have to say, that is probably the most fucking bizarre, made-under-the-influence-of-alcohol story I've seen in a fan game.

Oh, hey, thank goodness there's a healer dude here. E. coli isn't hurt, but he needs to re-charge the organelles that generate thunderbolts. Apparently there's still an entire island called Mascara Island to go through before I get to the next town.

God I really need Fly.


Charge Beam is interesting, but it's so inaccurate and E. coli's already one-shotting things left and right with Thunderbolt, so I'm not going to use it.


The Pokemon on Mascara Island is a bit more higher-leveled. Fortunately, the population includes Eshouten, and as an evolved Pokemon this makes grinding for levels a bit more tolerable. We've met a lot of Eshouten before, the one I capture is named after Kaepora Gaebora.


The other evolved Pokemon to be found on this route alongside Eshouten is Tanscure. I actually didn't bother catching Tanscure until much later, but let's get it out of the way here. Tanscure's actually a prettydecent and mean-looking rabid beast. I call her Wolfsbane.


Oh hey there's this cute little pink bunny thing.


I'm 99% sure, although I haven't checked, that there aren't any official Fairy/Fighting Pokemon out there. Jackdeary is an elusive kung-fu fair folk that likes to hide around and shit. Also, and I remember this vividly, apparently his evolution can only be seen by drunken people. Mad Sweeney it is. Fairy/Fighting's actually a decent typing, and despite having a relatively large range of weaknesses, it would offer a pretty wide offensive spread.


Oh god it's just like Mudsdale's Stamina, except it increases attack. Yeah, Kellyn's favoured stupid-looking Primeape evolution has a pretty dang powerful ability that I sort of fucked myself over for using Bullet Seed.

It one-shots Coconut with a quad-boosted Cross Chop.


But no matter how much you buff yourself, you ain't worth jack if you get outrun, which is what Charlie exactly does. The rich boy is all "peasants" and "commoners", which is always a trope I appreciate.


Oh hey official Gen VI Pokemon Spritzee makes an appearance! Out of the generation VI Pokemon (who never got sprite artwork in official material), Spritzee has the best looking one in Uranium. This one's called Overhaul.


Oh hey it's cute. It's like, such a bizarre looking little critter!

It's the Ditto of this fan-game, except instead of knowing only Transform, it can use other moves like Substitute.


I feel like I really shouldn't have used the obvious pun of "Copycat", and really wished I named it like ::3 or something.


One of the trainers had this adorable little mermaid fairy sprite thing Selkid. It's a Selkie, I guess, and it's actually pretty freaking adorable.


Ewwww the Gararewl is using its dumb curly chin hair as a whip on my poor crab! Metal Whip is an Uranium-original move that basically acts as steel-type fire spin.


Huh, another new face. Chupacho is based on the chupacabra, and I wasn't sure if it was pure Poison, Poison/Fairy or Poison/Dark. Regardless, I took a chance with Cerebella's Psybeam, which one-shots the cute little gremlin, so I guess it's at least not Dark?


Oh, right, Modrille evolves into this awkward looking Tengen Toppa Guren Lagann reference... which I don't get? I didn't watch too much of the show, so I'm not sure if having a butt-drill and two tusk-drills is something charming. I certainly don't like it. It's Ground/Dark for some reason (it doesn't look evil), so it still dies to Surf.


Killing that dumb-looking Drilgann is the trigger for my glorious little brain-headed grinning fish to evolve a protective glass casing around its brain, and evolve from a golfish into an oarfish with stubby little arms. I love this evolution, especially the fact that it retains Brailip's grinning lips and looks pretty derpy while also looking quite neat.


Cerebella is the Sage of the Sea, E. coli is the Hokage... all of my Pokemon are gaining titles!


Dragon Claw's one of the best physical dragon-type move. Brick Break isn't super useful at this point, so I give Charlie Dragon Claw just so we have an answer to dragons other than Taxonomaly.


In their tongue, he is Do-Vah-Kiin. DRAGONBORN! FUS RO DAH!


Cerebella shows off just how powerful she is in her new form by facing off against a higher-level Archilles owned by a trainer. First, by showing off her mighty special defense by quite literally shrugging off a mighty Flamethrower...


...and then one-shotting Archilles with a 4x effective Surf.

On Ura's belt, Charlie shudders in fear at the sight of his fellow flame dinosaur being so easily taken down by the serene, always smiling and always calm Cerebella. She doesn't like to fight, but when she does, she will nuke you from the oceans.


I am a filthy peasant to these rich boys.


Oh look more arbitrary roadblocks.


Oh hey three steps from that officer and I encounter and caught an Eevee. I'm keeping this for myself, though, because the game has a brand-new Eeveelution that I do plan to use or at least see for myself. For now, his name is Mutateon.


Oh, some of the trainers have this weird but cool looking mouthless opera bird thing, who has Illusion -- Zoroark's ability, allowing it to appear as the last Pokemon in the trainer's party. He's Psychic or Psychic/Flying, I believe? Either way, it took a bit of trial and error to see what works, and it really, really likes to spam Pain Split which is annoying.


Random shot of Charlie attacking an Aromatisse (one that didn't get as perfect a sprite as Spritzee, particularly the face part). I really don't have anything against Fairies, though -- no poison types and no steel types. I guess I could teach Taxonomaly Steel Wing?

Also, I get Swagger, which is a move that always backfires in my hands.


And finally we reach Venice- I mean Venesi City. Which I explored a bit, but it's such a huge town we'll save it for another part.