As we approach the end and grand finale of our Let's Play of Pokemon Uranium, the now-banned fan-game, I ended up having to split up the climax into two parts, one focusing on me taking on the Elite Four... and now I have to split it up again due to the sheer length of the dialogue cutscenes. This one deals with most of the action stuff, and we'll have a second one dealing with the long, long epilogue.
Last time on Uranium, some huge Dialga-Xenomorph fusion shows up from the lava right as Ura is about to fight Theo. Apparently this dude is Actan, a legendary pokemon, and the dude that everyone in Victory Road has been hinting at.
The dialogue is certainly a bit ham-handed, but I do appreciate them really foreshadowing these legendary Pokemon before we meet them.
Um, I don't know. It sure is green and black, Theo, but who's to say that's not his regular colour? Actan's a goddamn badass legendary Pokemon that few mortals have laid eyes on. Who are you, Theo, to tell him what he should or should not look like?
Gyaouuguughhh back at you, fake volcano Dialga! I've got my own legendary Pokemon and she's the God-Queen of All That Crawls.
Also, apparently, Jarvis the Rad Suit is in my backpack throughout all this.
Yeah, sure, Theo, I'm sure the potentially-nuclear legendary Pokemon from the depths of a volcano will wait patiently while I change my clothes and put on this huge, baggy rad-suit in front of it. I mean, it's not like this thing is a transforming suitcase like the Mark V from Iron Man 2 or something.
Also, yes, catch 'em all. Gonna be the very best and all that.
Oh, huh. It's just going to wait while I put on the suit. Which I have stashed in my backpack. Somehow. Have you seen pictures of these hazmat suits? They're hella baggy and take up a lot of space. And apparently the hazard suit in this game has like advanced machinery and whatnot. But nope, apparently Actan just watches while I change.
I think it likes watching. Pervert.
-cue legendary music battle-
Actan's kinda neat looking. I like just how bizarre his legs look with the teeny tiny spindly forelegs and the massive chonky lower legs. It really does look like Dialga and the Alien Queen had a baby, though.
Quick Ball time!
The game then informs me that I have a feeling that it wouldn't work. It's really arbitrary when I can catch boss wild Pokemon and when I can't, huh?
Oh, Nuclear Slash my E. coli, huh? Well, no problem, because it absolutely misses. Silly legendary god...
...E. coli is a single-celled bacterium that commands electricity itself, it has risen as the hokage of a group of surfing ninjas. He does not have the concept of 'god', and he does not fear you, Actan! Be drained to death by paramecia!
Not really, it's just that the so-called legendary Pokemon of the volcanic mountain died to my amoeba.
Also, yeah, Kellyn, Bambo'o and Viking Gandalf show up to give some exposition about what's going on.
Viking Gandalf (I genuinely forgot his name) proceeds to give us some Skyrim style exposition. Apparently Actan's brother hangs out in the icy mountains near his gym.
And apparently in addition to being a big metal dinosaur monster, Lanthan speaks to the acolytes in Snowpoint gym through dreams. What is he, Cthulhu? For something that's built up to be so badass, Actan isn't even a threat to my team, and E. coli isn't even overlevelled.
Oh okay apparently Actan can just cure himself from radiation at any point in time, but he kept it through the battle with Ura because...? I dunno. I guess E. coli just ate all the radiation? Which means Bambo'o is just talking out of his ass when he's talking about how amazing this giant Actan creature is.
Y'know, I appreciate you taking LARP-ing seriously, but this is hardly the time.
Oh so Urayne shows up and beats the fuck out of Actan. Urayne, in his weakened form. Actan is looking more and more unimpressive by the minute. Also, how did Actan know that Urayne is a legendary Pokemon? Freaking Kellyn just randomly gave the designation like a couple of days back.
Yes, Urayne, in his weakened form, was too powerful for Actan.
I beat Urayne in a stronger form, when it had five other nuclear Pokemon helping it out.
Um, okay, you giant legendary Pokemon. I already have a legendary bug that's clearly a lot less of a pushover than you, but I guess it's pretty impressive to carry around a giant kaiju in my party.
LV-426 is Steel type, so there's a type overlap with Actan. Take a breather, my good alien friend, because it seems like I have to bring Actan for this plot-mandated fight.
Well duh. You dumb shit, Kellyn.
Suddenly the screen gets a filter put on it, and Curie does a villain laugh thing!
More generic ominous villain dialogue! Ultimate Power is apparently a proper noun!
Aw, look at Kellyn, trying to assert his authority, the fool. Didn't Urayne punching you in the cojones during your last encounter not tell you anything about your chances?
'Cause she's pretty clearly insane, Kellyn, my god, have you not been paying attention to her crazy villain monologues? It's not like she's being subtle.
Y'know, the key to making these pretentious villain lines work is to not just make every single damn thing that comes out of a character's mouth be something like "this eternal agony we have suffered". Just take a look at any given video game villain, and they either strike a balance between natural-sounding lines and bombastic supervillain lines, or they don't ramble on and on as much as Urayne does.
ARUTIMETTO POWAAA! SAIKYOUU NO CHIKARAAA!
Didn't you insist on calling it a "legendary Pokemon" before, Kellyn?
Also, rude, it's not Urayne's fault he was created as a living superweapon. Try telling that to Wolverine and you'll end with six holes in your chest. Dick.
Yes, I do agree Kellyn is a fool.
Okay, so the reason she was able to become stronger and recoup from her defeat is... a random book she found in the "ruins of what you call civilization".
I kind of like the mystique of her and Urayne just figuring out that they can beat up Actan and steal his radioactive metal supplies a lot better than "oh yeah by the way we found a book".
Oh shit, did Urayne become Sephiroth?
Y'know, none of you other than Theo have proven yourselves to be competent, so it's no big loss. I'm not sure if Bamb'o has a Pokemon, I'm pretty sure Theo wiped the floor with the viking man who's just here to be Actan's interpreter, and Kellyn's only got that dumb Primeape evolution. Shoo!
"We'll die within minutes, so let's talk and talk and talk and talk and talk"
What is this, D&D?
Summon the army of Hazmas, they have a better chance at ending this than your silly ranger hazard team!
Yeah, yeah, I have to do all the work. Shut the fuck up and evacuate, Kellyn.
Shut the fuck up and evacuate, Kellyn.
You shitty excuse of a father. Cameron took an atomic punch for his kid and went to a coma, but you clearly are just chickenshit.
I mean, kind of feels that way most of the time with Kellyn. He's kind of a fucker.
It's really weird to go from a standard ranting supervillain talking about "humans are weak, you are disgusting" and then go straight to "I will wipe out your existence with a massive thermonuclear detonation!" Either make your characters sound like Poindexter all the time, or make your characters sound like Skeletor all the time. Don't do both, it's bizarrely jarring.
AGUGH MY EYES WHAT THE FUCK
(Seriously what the fuck that hurt)
Gamma Urayne is... okay, what is that? It's like a huge robot Gundam with butterfly wings thing. I would call it too ridiculously copmlex to be a Pokemon, but Zygarde 100% forme exists. And Gamma Urayne has way, way more creativity and thought put into him compared to the shitty Dynamax forms.
...aw come on, you did not need this dead meme.
There goes what little respect I have for Curie.
Apocalypse Curie, round two! She's only got the Urayne this time. Whatever happened to her nuclear Baariette?
Apparently Actan has wiggled its way to the front part of my party, despite LV-426 being fifth in my party when I sent it back to the PC. Okay, then.
I have no idea what "Toxic Fallout" is, but it sure did set in. Actan's intimidate isn't the best, since to my knowledge Urayne is a special attacker. But it's a legendary Pokemon, it's the guardian of the region, it's part-Steel type so it should resist nuclear types.
Truly, this is the clash of titans, a mighty guardian of the realm, protector of all that is natural, one who was driven out of his rightful home and territory, against this screaming artrificial being, the thing-that-should-not-be, a man-made weapon who is forced to consume to survive. Two mighty forces will clash, they will decide the fate of Tandor, nay, the world! This is a fight for the ages-
-Okay Urayne has Overheat. That is bad for Actan, he is part-Steel, but he's a legendary, he shouldn't-
-Aw fuck you, Actan, you complete and utter disappointment. Forcing yourself to replace a member of my party? Talking a huge game about being a legendary Pokemon? Moving yourself in front of the party? You absolute disgrace, Actan. Never has Ura been as disappointed in his life, and he has to contend with Kellyn as a fther.
At last Actan's special attack is decreased from using Overheat. Blight's not going to do anything in this match because nuclear-type attacks is resisted by nuclear-types, but let's see if Blight could scout something that Urayne can do.
In reference, Blight's Hyper Beam can usually one-shot things twenty level higher than him, but the difference from being 4x effective and being resisted is... yeah, about that.
Also, Urayne's own Atomic Punch also barely does anything to Blight. Overheat, on the other hand, is pretty effective, and takes out Blight, but take note that glass cannon Blight manage to tank two attacks. Not like that disappointment Actan.
Well, I've seen enough. I have to hit hard and fast, so let's call out our big guns.
MEGA SHINKA DA! KAEN HOSHAAAA!
Mega Charlie's drought didn't activate and the Toxic Fallout weather or whatever overwrites it, but Flamethrower still hits hard enough to push Urayne to red. Urayne tries to do Overheat again (???) and missed, so Charlie just uses his priority move to kill the huge weapon of destruction.
Hahaha, I force the supervillain to give me money.
BIG NOOOOOOO
INCOHERENT SCREECHING
RANDOM RED FILTERS
"All of a sudden". Okay, then. Also, obligatory thank you, you saved the day, blah blah blah.
Oh apparently whatever that green-to-red transition is, it knocked off Curie's mask. I have been paying attention to the story hints so I know who Curie is, but you'd think the man who has been obsessed to the point of bieng a neglectful parent would instantly recognize her.
More dialogue. It's kind of what is expected, really. I don't even know why I took screenshots.
NANI???
Oh yeah Curie is Mom. It has been absolutely transparent throughout around the middle point of the game, if we're being honest.
The next part of the game is just a huge big-ass cutscene full of text dumps, so for the sake of my sanity we're keeping it as a separate part! This was... this was honestly kind of a generic ending, really, and the huge amount of words before and after the Curie fight, as well as how generic and unnecessary some of the dialogue are end up really not making the confrontation feel as good as it could've been, but hey, we basically beat the game! Hooray! We'll see you guys next time for some wrap up as we snuggle up for story time.
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