I've actually had this written up for a while, just didnt have the time to edit it. Sword and Shield commentary will resume soon.
First up, there is an even longer epilogue sequence after I talk to Kellyn, because Theo wants to talk to me. Theo and his dad, Cameron Stormbringer. Does that make Theo's full name "Theo Stormbringer"? Because that's insanely ridiculous and I love it.
I mean, as annoying as Theo has been, these two guys act more like Ura's family more than Kellyn or Lucille did, so...
Oh yeah, that climactic Champion battle that was interrupted by that fool Actan, as well as Urayne and Curie. Right, right. I'll get to it later on.
Apparently I got an interpol commendation. Okay? Does the real interpol do that?
Also, apparently Cameron got fired.
...which is actually pretty damn realistic, because as I've been saying throughout my playthrough, Cameron's behaviour was... it got results, but it was insanely unorthodox and pretty maverick. The sort of shit that only works if you're played by a charismatic actor like Sean Connery or Keifer Sutherland, but honestly, when you analyze Cameron's actions, they were pretty horribly organized.
There's also general incompetence in being head of the demolition of the nuclear site yet failing to find the hidden room despite actually suspecting there to be some sort of conspiracy, as well as allowing a teenager to enter said nuclear site unsupervised. And also the whole 'faking your death' thing. And also that anonymous tip. What if Kellyn wasn't a paranoid man?
Weren't you living in Moki Town for a couple of decades? I don't think your 'secret identity' is worth much.
Yeah, she'll never recover if Kellyn doesn't get his head out of his ass and actually take Lucille to an actual hospital.
She's in a coma, possibly still insane, and also unleashed a nuclear robot abomination onto the world. And also did all those horrible things and had a whole ton of "the world will suffer like I suffered" rants. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not lucky at all.
...her talent of destruction, her obsession with having nuclear-type pokemon unleash gamma beams of mass destruction...
I knew there was a reason Ura liked Blight so much.
Yes, yes, rematch. Got it. You have already mentioned that.
Also, yes, you did the whole destiny spiel during our first meeting in the Pokemon League. Don't wear it out.
You'll be counting a loooong time, because I plan to do some post-game shit, Theo.
Apparently interpol is recruiting Ura, and sending him off to Angelure Town.
Unfortunately, since Angelure Town's content is never produced, we'll never see what sort of interpol-vs-pirate hijinks they plan for us.
Huzzah, a post-game HM!
Waterfall's one of the two HM moves that doesn't actually suck, alongside Surf. Speaking of which, though...
A quick jump to the tinkerer shows me that apparently he's made a Climbing Pick to immediately replace Waterfall. It's an... "add-on" for the surfboard. I'm not sure how a climbing pick and a surfboard will let me climb a waterfall. But okay. Probably a 'grappling hook' or something would've worked better.
I tried to challenge the previous, now-unnamed Hokage, who used to be in this room, but he's gone. Ooookay?
Previously, the ex-Hokage was moping here, being angry that he can't learn ninja skills from the grandmaster. Well, the grandmaster or whatever is no longer moping after I finished the ninja collection sidequest, so... huh?
The 'power of puberty'. Please, stop making jokes, Bamb'o, and stick to exposition. You have no talent for it. I'm still salty about that Fly HM.
Oh, neat. It's actually neat that they're restoring Route 8 and Vinoville Town to their pre-fallout state! Always appreciate games that actually feature a changing overworld that's influenced by events that the player character does, although I kinda-sorta wished that they tied a miniquest to this. Still, no biggie.
Oh no, the fanboys and fangirls will be after Ura!
Also, even more hints at a Town That Was Not Meant To Be. Poor Angelure Town. Also... it's very irresponsible for all of you adults to send the kid over to the 'lawless territory'. Only Cameron has any business doing that, and that's because he's trying to recruit Ura for Interpol.
Yeah, Poke-Radar is a feature from... Generation IV, I believe? And Generation VI also had it?
Basically you use the item in grass, and it will rustle, and you can enter it to find Pokemon with hidden abilities. Get a chain (the screenshot here shows that I have a chain of two for Cottonee), and you'll find a higher rate of Shiny Pokemon. I don't care enough about Shinies in official games, and I certainly don't care to do so here.
See, Vinoville is all restored and shit! Presumably with the power of Hazma, they are good boys. The dialogue of the NPC's are all recycled from the pre-cataclysm ones, though.
I forgot to explore the Labyrinth the last time, and apparently there is treasure here!
Which is a TM where you blow your own Pokemon up... and the Gold Fossil, randomly hidden in a reef. Okay, then?
Come, John Hammond, restore my fossil... OH GOD WHAT IS THAT? Jungore is based on the Majungasaurus, which is still a theropodal dinosaur, but... what is that thing? Its limbs are all weird, it's got a hunchback, it's got a face that looks more like a toy crocodile... "Malformed" seemed like the right name here.
Anyway, enough side-questing! Back to the league! And, as you can see, some of the characters have changed. You get to see the... uh... the weak water-type Janine clone gym leader.
The first battle is against Gentleman Sir Goldkorn. Which is kind of a coincidence. Is he set up to be the first battle every time? That's stupid, and defeats the whole purpose of having a rotating Elite Four.
On the other hand, there's never a bad time to meet our good old mate Gentleman Sir Goldkorn, I do say.
Gentleman Sir Goldkorn's party is stil pretty weak. They all die to one hit, particularly once I get bored and break out Mega Charlie.
Boom, boom, boom, let the bodies hit the floor.
LV-426 is kind of severely underleveled for this, and managed to take a hit here and there, but still powerful enough to kill ugly werewolf luchadors. Honestly, I kinda expected that with three Pokemon in Goldkorn's party that could mega-evolve, that they would give him that.
The second battle is again with Lady Angelica. I'm not saying that it's impossible for me to roll the first two trainers as exactly the same as my first Elite Four run, but it's helluva coincidence.
I ain't afraid of no fairies, especially with Blight one-shotting anything with dual types. Nuclear weaponry is the bane of the fair folk.
And for those pesky mono-types, LV-426 has returned with the power of space aliens. I'm still pretty salty that my UFO didn't make it into the hall of fame because of that shitbag Actan.
You are very generic, Blue Janine Lady, and you really do not have any personality.
Oh, right. "Cali". That's your name.
God damn Brainoar is tanky as shit. That's why I love my own Cerebella, I suppose. But The Queen's physical attack is pretty much still very powerful, so Attack Order takes the pretender out.
I also have my own Brainoar, but I get reminded that, shit, Brainoar's physical defense is apparently pretty weak, and mine very nearly got killed by this Cocancer.
Water types are the domain of the king of all bacteria, the Hokage himself, E. coli, master of lightning and killer of anything with the water typing. HID DEM WID DE DUNDER BOLT.
Ah, a Mega Gyarados! Finally, something worthy of E. coli's challenge, a mighty leviathan of the depths, a Water/Dark creature whose power of destruction is magnified tenfold by the bond with his owner. HIDDEM WITH DE DUNDERBOLT
Ooooh shit it didn't kill oh shit it didn't kill
OH SHIT IT USED DRAGON DANCE. Dragon Dance increases attack and speed, meaning that Mega Gyarados will probably outspeed E. coli next turn...
And hooooly shit it did. "Not very effective my ass", that Earthquake left E. coli with three health. I mean, E. coli killed Mega Gyarados soon after, but still.
Good game, Cali, that was way more impressive and difficult than I expected a rematch with you to be.
Maria's my fourth encounter. Kinda boring, I'm pretty sure she was my third encounter in my first run. Normal-types don't really make for a particularly challenging boss fight, I'm afraid, even if that stupid Eshouten keeps returning. Cerebella's Ice Beam wipes out that silly dragon...
And then all these dual-types die to Blight...
And then E. coli wipes the floor with the gimmicky Feliger, and Blight one-shots a mega unicorn.
Yeah yeah yeah we heard this speech before, Theo. Get on with the fight already. You're literally repeating the same thing you said before.
Unless this is televised, and you're just hamming it up like a wrestling competition? Well, uh, then, I suppose I kinda have to be the heel or something... you suck, you... weenie! Yeah! Destiny's going to favour me, and some such! I will hold on to my title! Also, hello, Aunt May.
Oh thank god, if Actan interrupts us again I'm going to call Urayne from my PC box to Overheat his ass and turn him into a blob of molten slag.
BATTLE START!
I still can't get over how weird Theo's new sprite looks with that neck.
Nuclear reactor fox versus flamboyantly plumaged bird go!
As usual, 4x damage boosted by Expert Belt, Blight's Ability and STAB one-shots anything with dual-type. Even if you're 11 levels higher than Blight. Do not fuck with the Blight.
Six-legged electric generating amoeba versus giant sandcastle slug go! And... it pretty much goes what you expect. E. coli is the natural predator of anything in the ocean.
War of the Worlds versus The Manhattan Project go!
This one's a bit more of a toss-up. LV-426 is defensive and probably can't one-shot the Nucleon, but his steel typing resists Nuclear-type attacks.
Also, that Nucleon is dumb and keeps using Half-life, which just halves LV-426's remaining health, instead of investing on Hyper Voice and just dealing the biggest sum of damage you can deal.
So yeah, Flash Cannon all the way...
Oh, Theo, switching out huh?
Unfortunately, Miasmedic is Fairy-type, so Flash Cannon still deals damage.
I don't want LV-426 to get taken out, though, so even though he'd probably have taken out Miasmedic with a second Flash Cannon, I send out The Queen.
Mutant fairy witch doctor versus the God-Queen of All That Crawls, go!
The Queen just unleashes the power of the oceans, while Miasmedic tries his best to poison The Queen. It worked, but not before The Queen drowns the shit out of this silly witch doctor.
Where are your leeches now, Miasmedic?
REMATCH GO!
Aaaaand now you use Hyper Voice. Fuck.
Well, with a sliver of health, Imma pop you with a priority move.
Psychic brain fish versus deformed caveman werewolf superhero thing, go!
Herolune is so weird. I still can't get used to it. Also, Cerebella fries the dumb thing's brain.
And finally... the destined battle. Like day and night, like good and evil, like yin and yang, like pancakes and waffles, the two rivals meet.
Burning armadillo raptor...
...versus cyborg sword-blade flower pattern lynx.
We've done this dance many times. As many times as Theo and Ura have fought each other. It ended the same every single damn time, with a one hit KO.
And it will end the same this time around, with another one-hit KO.
But props to that Metalynx for not yielding, for not surrendering, and accepting his defeat with grace. Not that it can do anything, because Metalynx really kinda sucks, especially in the face of Charlie, but this is a great way for this climactic battle to end. With a one-hit KO.
No kidding, you took out a whole one member of my team!
This one, who finally got his silly alien ass registered into the Hall of Fame. Huzzah, LV-426! You did kinda lose against Theo, but that's all right. You've been a stalwart companion with your very, very weird moveset and your pretty fun (if somewhat redundant) type coverage. Probably the weakest member of my team if we're being perfectly honest, but I did have a lot of fun with him.
Next up... we hunt legendaries.
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