Reviewing Magic: The Gathering #25 - Torment & Judgment

This is going to probably be the last one of these I do for a while, or at least in its current incarnation. Part of it is due to Blogger changing how inserting images work and making the creation of this page really difficult and long-winded for me, but part of it is due to a bit of a burnout in this era of Magic: The Gathering. I dunno, I've kind of been feeling it since around the time of the Urza blocks, but it really hit hard now that we're missing the Phyrexians and a proper long-running storyline. Looking up the next couple of blocks... let's just say that I probably won't be finding too much to talk about in the next couple of blocks either. So I'm taking some time off to just take a break and figure out if I'm just going to do 'highlights' of each block, or if I'm just going to abandon my attempt at reviewing every Magic expansion and just jump straight to the ones I do want to talk about like Kamigawa, Innistrad, Zendikar, Amonkhet and the rest. 

Can't even really get excited about the storyline in the Odyssey block either, it's pretty standalone and pretty standard stuff. Torment focuses on Chainer, a Cabal summoner, rising across the ranks of the Cabal while befriending the good guy main character Kamahl. Judgment concludes this story, with Kamahl making a promise to the dying Chainer, keeping the artifact known as the Mirari safe from others and from himself, and fights against the rest of the main characters. Kamahl himself slowly gets corrupted by the influence of the Mirari, and his sister Jeska tries to separate it from him. Ultimately a large proportion of the characters die at the end of the story, and the Mirari's powers are instead channeled into the land itself, allowing the fauna and flora to prosper. 

On to the cards!

• Click here for the previous part, Odyssey.
• Click here for the next part.
• Click here for the index.

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TORMENT

Again, a lot of the White cards are just not interesting to me. Hypochondria is an amazing one, though, and it's a shame we don't get one of those kickass Magic one-liners. That lady hugging herself in panic while wearing a haphazard mask with a spiral face is ambiguous enough to be any kind of hysteria or anxiety, but it also kind of describes a hypochondriac -- someone who's so certain they have a serious illness -- pretty well. 

Major Teroh is the obligatory legendary card. He sure is a cool hawk-man person. He's probably heroic. I really don't have a whole ton to say here, really -- a lot of the legendary cards in the latest couple of sets just feel like they could've had the title of something generic like "Aven Commander" or "Aven Flagbearer" and it'd fit just fine. 


I'm still not a fan of "Nomad" being a creature type for some reason, but Possessed Nomad has one of the cooler card arts I've seen in a while. It's not a new concept, even within Magic, but the idea that this serenely meditating monk person has the reflection of a grinning, ragged demon? That's pretty cool, especially if that demonic reflection isn't just a metaphor but is real. This is Magic: The Gathering, where all sorts of weird horrors and illusions exist, so it might very well be literal. The gimmick here is pretty fun, with the 'Threshold' mechanic active, Possessed Nomad straight-up becomes a Black creature that destroys White creatures, fully becoming its demonic counterpart. 

Ambassador Laquatus is a Merfolk legendary person. He sure is a fish-person, and apparently he represents the... uh... the Cephalid empire? I guess the Cephalid empire has merfolk in their employ? The brief summaries I've read of the Odyssey block all portray him as a villain. I actually kind of was about to complain that the Cephalids miss out on having a legendary card, but if Laquatus is supposed to negotiate with the surface folk... of course they'd send the more humanoid-looking merfolk person. That actually makes sense. 

More Cephalids! These ones look a bit more colourful. I really love Cephalid Vandal just ripping up books for no reason. Nevermind the fact that those are apparently underwater books being read by octopus people. That Cephalid Vandal is sure going to rip those books up! Again, none of these cards have flavour text, so I'm not sure what's going on here. 

Llawan, Cephalid Empress is the queen of the octopus folk. I actually like her headrerss and ornamentation, and her cute little royal scepter. not a whole ton to really say here, though, she sure is a regal Cephalid.

Cephalid Illusionist looks like it's just such a dick. "Ha ha, look at Greg, swimming away from a mere illusion of a gulper eel, ha ha! Oh lord, look, he just voided his ink sac, what a coward!" Seriously, though, that poor Cephalid buddy in the background looks so terrified. 

Ghostly Wings gets to be here just because the art is so funny. "What would make a Portuguese Man o' War even more threatening?" "What?" "If we gave it ghostly angel wings and cause it to fly." Jellyfishes are murderous little bastards already, giving it wings would probably make them an apex predator. 

I was about to put one of the 'Hydromorph' cards here, but this guy is just so much cooler. Aquamoeba isn't even an elemental, just a 'beast', but it's just this monstrous being made entirely out of water, and I do love just how formless this is. There's like a head that sort of looks like a mole rat, some sort of tail and mismatched tendril-like horns, and judging by the tiny seagulls around it, this is a massive thing. Very cool.

Black gets a bunch of cards here that I feel are kind of notable. Boneshard Slasher is a horror, and, well, this is another set that doesn't have Phyrexians so the definition of Horror now expands a lot more beyond 'cyborg zombie monstrosity'. Granted, Boneshard Slasher here still looks kind of like an undead ghoul, but I really like the typical Ron Spencer grisliness that comes with so many little splinters and spikes covering thsi guy's wings and arms, the fact that he's got just one visible glowing eye, and his mouth is covered in like a cage of bone splinters. 

Chainer, Dementia Master, is our main character in this expansion. I'm sure I would like him better if I read his novel and knew all about the full-fledged character that he is in the novels, but I'd like him better if he's a full-fledged character and an interesting design. We're literally more than a couple thousand cards at this point; just some dude in fantasy garb and goggles doesn't do it anymore. 

Gloomdrifter, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of Chainer's bland design. Look at this classy ghoulish dude, floating around in a sky full of stars, with pants that look like pajamas and some burlap sack that's meant to represent a nightcap, just drifting around causing chaos with all these dudes. I dunno, I see the artworks of Chainer and Gloomdrifter and I am definitely far, far more inclined to believe that Gloomdrifter is the far bigger badass here. 

One of the themes in this expansion are the "Nightmare Horrors", which apparently are controlled by Chainer. I guess they are... creatures born out of nightmares? Or are they just horrors that can attack people only in their dreams? Whatever the case, they sure look nightmarish! Gravegouger has a particularly interesting design, with the lower body resembling some inky octopus, its upper body having a vaguely humanoid shape, its arms tapering off into a mass of ropy tendrils, and its head looking like the Xenomorph's face just melted at the end like play-doh on a hot day, terminating in more tentacles. And what are those bizarre rods made up of tendrils in the foreground? Are those the graves that the Gravegouger is gouging? Or are those something else?

The Faceless Butcher is one that's just straight-up 'cool', and it sure doesn't look like it has a face, or a head, having a traditional humanoid torso that just terminates suddenly where the neck should be, with a yawning hole. Its arms end with scythes but are mismatched, and its spiney lower body ends up becoming this massive mass of centipede-like legs that also look pretty flat. A much more feral looking horror than the Gravegouger, but still pretty nasty nonetheless. 

Yeah, y'know what? Torment's fun because of the Nightmare Horrors alone. Hypnox here sounds like he should be a legendary, the boss of these Nightmare Horrors, not just some twerp with a chain. Look at this thing, there's so much going on here. He kind of looks like he's got an anatomy of a dragon, except his mouth flares up with little cheek-wings, he's got spikes and Cthulhu tentacles for arms, his lower body just explodes into octopus tentacles, and I'm not even sure what's going on with Hypnox's neck and torso there. 

Mesmeric Fiend is a bit more simple, but I like just how weird this guy is. Those tentacle legs have such a weird Dr. Seuss vibe to them, those arms look very emaciated, I'm not sure how the anatomy of its body works... but most of all, that face. Just look at that nasty face, with the beady eyes, the pathetic looking maw, the little beak-nose and the horns pointing sideways from the sides of its head. Sadly, very few of the Nightmare Horrors have any sort of ominous flavour text. Just a single line would work well with any of these. 

Laquatus's Champion? So that dorky looking merfolk ambassador summons these things too? Okay, he just became cooler by like a factor of ten times in my head. Laquatus's Champion is this muscleman with a single visor-like eye, and a bunch of tentacles for arms. Probably not that terrifying to the Cephalids underwater... or are defined manly-man musculature actually as unsettling for octopus folk the way tentacles are for us humans? We'll never know.

Soul Scourge is probably the most underwhelming of the Nightmare Horrors, looking like just a generic gargoyle-like monster. I do like the extra pair of eyes and a very hard-to-see grinning mouth just behind the more traditional angry demon face. The anatomy of that second mouth in the background don't exactly make sense, and I'm not sure if the smaller head is attached to the upper jaw or something, but it's a nightmare beast. It's not supposed to make sense, it's just supposed to be spoopy. 

I like that this weakest Nightmare Horror is jsut a bunch of black wisps zipping through a forest from a beam of light. I didn't even notice that there's a humanoid figure trailing wings of shadow in the background. Is the Slithery Stalker the figure, or the little dark wisps? Are they both part of the same entity? Oh, if only we had just a little bit of explanation here!

Ichorid isn't a nightmare horror, he's a regular plebian run-of-the-mill horror. He sure is a monstrous Frankensteined abomination. I think his lower body is a snake, then we've got just a mass of thin arms, a pair of larger arms, and I'm not sure what's going on with that 'face'. Is that purple thing just the interior of an opened mouth, or is it its face in general? That tongue looks like it just materialized out of like a flat surface too. 

Organ Grinder is a regular zombie that's, like cannibalizing someone's organs and spewing poisonous goop. Not very interesting in writing, but just look at that face. No, seriously, just stop and look at the shape of that head, the shape of those eyes and nose, the open mouth... somehow, I feel like the Organ Grinder's face is far, far more unsettling than any of the nightmare horrors here. 

...and then we get Balthor the Stout. He's a dwarf. With a red beard. And vaguely Viking-based armour. Doing battle related things. His name is even part 'Thor'. I know all our dwarves are meant to be the same Tolkien stuff but we've had this exact same dwarf like five dozen times in M:TG already. 

Wait, Red gets nightmare beasts? How does this work? So I guess these creatures do manifest in reality, if Petradon's artwork is anything to go by? Petradon here has a pretty cool kaiju face with a ridged head and a bunch of cool tusks jutting out from around his mouth, but the coolest part has to be its limbs, which just explode into a network of... roots? Tentacles? They're certainly doing something that's turning the terrain under it into cracked lava. We don't get flavour text either, but the effect seems to imply that the Petradon is actually formed out of two entire lands, and when you destroy the Petradon it somehow reverts back to those lands. 

Petravark has an even more bizarre look. The head is a pretty cluttered dragon head with a fun flower-shaped crest, but the rest of the body? The main aprt of the body looks like a locomotive or one of those Chinese lion dance costumes, and it's just got a bunch of tentacles helping it to move forward like some sort of giant centipede. Neat. 

Taking its name from the real-life frog order Anura, we've got the Anurids! Anurid Scavenger is a typical showcase of these frog monsters. Big, warty, ugly, and with a distinct 'lower part of the front legs explodes in size like a 90's comic book armour design'. The Anurid Scavenger is pretty neat, with mottled skin and a fun flavour text. "Krosa's topmost bottom feeder" indeed!

Gurzigost is... it sure is a beast! I'm not sure what is going on here, but he's like this bizarre dinosaur-man that's digging a hole that he's waist-deep in. I'm not sure what the Gurzigost is or what it's doing, but it sure looks happy doing it. 

Wowm, yeah, I'm just not sure why the Nantuko are just not working for me. Nantuko Blightcaller is probably the coolest of the Nantuko in this block, but you'd think a race of mantis-people would be more appealing to me.

Narcissism is an amazing enchantment. It reminds me of that one centipede demon from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and also to some of the more creepy kami from Kamigawa, but just look at this. Look at this shambling plant-insect monster whose entire body is just nothing but detritus and spiky insect scythe arms, and yet it's got a mask with a drawn face of a smiling, demure lady on it. Simple-looking masks placed on creepy bodies are just that effective, even if I wouldn't probably immediately associate this image with narcissism per se. It sure works, though. 
_____________________________________

JUDGMENT


Judgment brings to us a semi-cycle of interesting creature type, the "Incarnation". I guess they are embodiments of a certain concept, not too dissimilar with other common creature types like 'avatar' or 'elemental', but these are of more metaphysical concepts. White gets Glory and Valor, two very White things to get incarnations of. These are actually reasonably fun designs, very much unmistakably in the aesthetic of White without being boring like most White cards. Glory has a pretty cool face that's just slit eyes on a somewhat porcelain-like head, a bunch of wings and a mermaid-like body that has wings instead of fins. Pretty cool. 

Valor, meanwhile, looks more like a tornado made manifest, with lightning bolts around its form and glowing eyes. Except being an 'incarnation', this is probably just an incarnation of all the valor of the proud warriors in the battlefield. All these incarnations have pretty badass flvaour texts, and all have effects that take place when they are in the graveyard. So I guess even when you destroy this incarnation of Valor or Glory, what they represent still spread over your other troops? Pretty dang cool. 

Obligatory bird-man general in Commander Eesha. This one at least has a cool flavour text. Not much to say here. The Aven really don't manage to give me too much to talk about here. 

The Cephalids, on the other hand... Cephalid Constable here uses a god damn ray gun to fight people, and I'm not sure what he's doing here but I think he's turning whoever is attacking him into purple lightning sparks. That's some Golden Age superhero comic weaponry right there, mister constable, sir. 

Oh, shit, what? This one is cool. Scalpelexis is... I'm not sure what it is, and it's just a 'beast', but what a beast it is! Some kind of hideous, bony fish with antennae, no eyes, a face covered in armour, bug fangs, and a tendril jutting out of the center of its 'head' that stabs humans in the ear. Does this thing like, read your mind or something? Judging by its effect -- milling cards from your opponent's deck -- it probably does. It looks like it's the sort of thing that would. It looks like it's the sort of thing Cephalids would keep as pets. Pretty neat.

Wonder is the Blue incarnation, and it's got that glorious mosaic-style colouration that Rebecca Guay is so fond of. I'm starting to at least pick out individual artist's styles, at least! Wonder here looks pretty appropriate with Rebecca Guay's art style, too, and the idea here is apparently that Wonder causes, well, everyone to gaze at it in wonder that they can suddenly fly. Again, the design itself wouldn't be that interesting, it's just an Aven with slightly weirder wings and face, but the artwork really makes it stand out. 

Blue gets a series of cards called 'Wormfang', and... I'm actually baffled at them. Since we don't have too many interesting cards to talk about, let's dissect all the Wormfang folks! They all share the mechanic of giving the summoning player a disadvantage, then recouping it when they die. Wormfang Behemoth is a "Nightmare Beast", so all these Wormfangs are somehow also the same sort of nightmares that are horrors in Black and terrain-altering monstrosities in Red. The first one, Wormfang Behemoth, is... it's a mutant anglerfish. I guess the 'wormfang' here refers to the lure, which is mutated and looks more like a hideous growth more than a lure. 

It's a bit more clear with the Wormfang Crab, whose main body is already a pretty fun, dynamic and exaggerated crab with one huge pincer claw and a huge shell that looks like it's a small island... and then it's got this little tendril with its own lamprey mouth. I'm not sure why this classifies as a nightmare, but on the other hand, I would be hard-pressed to make an argument why a giant island-crab with glowing eyes and a smiling leech-mouth isn't a nightmare. 

Wormfang Drake puts its 'wormfang' in a pretty cool place, its tail. It's probably perspective, but I kind of like the idea that the massive lamprey-tail might very well be the dominant head in this drake. 

Wormfang Manta looks positively pretty, with the manta fins being layered like an angel's wings or something, and I absolutely love just how exaggerated the ridges and fins are, while the Wormfang Manta in the background re-establishes how much the general manta ray silhouette is preserved. The 'wormfang' here isn't that evident, it's just a growth underneath the manta's mouth that's easily missed, sort of like an evil goatee. 

Wormfang Turtle is apparently created by Chainer's admirers, and it sure is a nasty-looking turtle. Ragged flippers, and a very tiny head with a 'grawr' face that looks more like a cutesy Godzilla artwork, it kind of works with the fact that this is meant to be an unsettling nightmare. The 'Wormfang' part here is just a second worm-head that bursts out of the Wormfang Turtle's chest. Not super exciting.

Wormfang Newt is fun, though. Its Wormfang is its own tongue, while the newt itself has grown to a dinosaurian size, has became a lot fatter and froggier than a newt would be, and has grown a rat-esque tail and a bunch of shaggy hair all over its head. It's apparently 'spawned by mages emulating the insane', so, yeah, of course it wouldn't actually have proper newt anatomy. 

Oh, okay, this is much more interesting. Balthor the Generic Dwarf gets turned into Balthor the Defiled, a zombie dwarf leading legions of the undead! That's a chilling flavour text, and a pretty fancy helmet. Okay, I like Balthor now, they're telling a story about him. 

Filth is Black's incarnation, and... yeah, that flavour text is neat, although the creature design is... all right? You'd think I'd be all excited about a giant mass of swamp filth and detritus given form, and that sure is a form that's appropriate for an incarnation of filth, but this is also a monster trope we've seen many times in M:TG in Black and Green. It's not like it's something fresh and new like Valor and Glory are. 

Masked Gorgon actually has a pretty cool gothic-emo style going on with that BDSM haeadgear, that one hand that ends in giant claws, and those ridged hair-tentacles. Toss in those bodies being hanged in the background, and I can actually vibe with this very goth gorgon lady. 

Guiltfeeder is the best Horror ever. Just look at this thing. A brain with two little eyes, a fanged mouth under all those tentacles, and the tentacles are just phasing through Handsome McBeard's head. It's not even burrowing or penetrating through it, it's just phasing through it, feeding on McBeard's guilt. I love just how stilted the legs are, like they're joined to a pelvis instead of a brain, and Guiltfeeder's even got a bunch of bent arms dangling under it. Low-key one of the coolest and nastiest horrors I've ever seen in this franchise. 

Anger's incarnation is just some bald midget holding a burning rod? I mean, that sure fits anger, so I'm not going to complain. I like Pixar's version of a short angry red humanoid better, though. 

Planar Chaos! Hey, that's going to be an expansion name down the line! I think! Here it's just an enchantment. Warrior Lady in the background just has her axe disintegrate into vapor, but Baldy McMuscles has his entire spine sprout some Resident Evil monster worm with a grinning fanged mouth. That's a pretty nasty mutation! 

See, do something interesting with dwarves! Even if it's just the Dwarven Driller swapping a pickaxe for a drill, at least it's something!

Jeska, Warrior Adept is main character Kamahl's sister and mentor. I actually like her design a fair bit for these generic-fantasy-main-character types. Mostly because she's weaponized her hair, tying a dagger onto the tip of her hair.

Okay, we've got a trio of 'gorgers', replacing the Petra-monsters for Red's nightmares. Soulgorger Orgg brings back the forgotten 'Orgg' tribe, but it's just an Orgg with a bunch of... tentacle arms with lamprey mouths? At least I hope those are tentacle arms. I'm not trying to make the obvious joke here, but that person being wrapped up by the Orgg looks like he or she's enjoying it juuuust a bit too much. 

Soulgorger Barbarian just has a Parasyte arm replacing his left arm, which comes with a lamprey mouth, and a funky Power Ranger shoulder armour with it. I'm not sure if these cards weren't originally meant to be 'Wormfang' cards. 

Worldgorger Dragon is kinda cute, I like just how beaky its mouth is, how weirdly posed the front legs are, and the 'wormfang' part here doesn't even come from the tail like I thought it did. No, the tail trails off into the bcakground, and that lamprey-fang actually pokes out of the claw-tips on its bat-wings. 

Anurid Brushhopper is a White/Green Anurid and I absolutely love its flavour text that explains its card ability. "It's so tough it can frighten itself into hiding". Other than that, Anurid Brushhopper is sure a neat frog monster, I do like that this one has basically the proportions of a gorilla, but the squashed face of a toad. 

Another Anurid, the Anurid Swarmsnapper is a bit lumpier and has more exaggerated proportions. I like the colours on this one, too, from the reds surrounding the eyes, to the pink feet that makes them feel so separate from the flabby, warty legs, the Anurid Swarmsnapper actually feels so much more gross than the other Anurids in the set. 

Ironshell beetle is pretty cute. It's basically just a giant beetle with an angry face, a nice pattern on its carapace and a bunch of extra weird parts like the red deer-horn-esque things, but apparently it also voluntarily gives its iron shell as shields to the random people living in the jungle. Unlike most other types of creatures with this sort of effect, this isn't even an 'on death' effect, but 'on coming into play'. I guess they just eject their molt and give them to the local centaurs or something? 

Another pair of Incarnations. Genesis is an interesting one, although I kinda wished that it was more of an abstract form instead of being so explicitly a centaur with glowing green energy. Genesis does have a weird root-beard, but I kinda wished that it was drawn more like Filth or Valor or Wonder, where they look like concepts that happen to take the approximate form of something. Genesis leans a bit too much into looking like a centaur. 

Brawn does this a bit better, looking definitely like an elephant, but the little details -- the lack of eyes, the mismatched horns, and the fun detail of little fungal balls growing on it and moss dripping off its trunk and ears really makes you note that this is an elephant made out of plant matter and stuff. Neat. 

And we close this block with the last two cards I find interesting. Thriss, Nantuko Primus is the obligatory Nantuko legendary card, and... and he sure is a Nantuko? None of the Nantuko are really all that exciting, after I appreciate their interesting anatomy and faces, they all just do their druid-y things. I appreciate that they exist, but I can't think of much to say about them. 

Crush of Worms is here mostly because I like the name. Those are some fun Wurms, too, with those giant chompers that look like giant teeth arranged in a circle. Mostly I just like the chunky teeth and the bizarrely Engrish name of "Crush of Worms". 


TORMENT
That's not a lot of cards that I find interesting, huh? Here's the rest of the set, and, just like Odyssey, sorry if I feel out of energy here. Editing the pictures here has kind of sapped a lot of my enthusiasm, and the fact that these aren't particularly interesting ones is another blow. 

Aven Trooper has a very cool background and a neat Superman pose. Other than that, though, Torment features a lot less Avens than I thought. 

Generic humans doing generic White colour things. 

Those sure are humans doing cleric-y things. 

Floating Shield has a fun artwork, at least. 


They liked the name Morningtide so much that I'm sure they used it for an expansion later on. Personally, I've only ever heard of the term in M:TG. 

Whoa, that sure is a weird frog-bird creature in the background of Pay No Heed! Unfortunately, the warrior is paying it no heed. 

Hydromorph Guardian and Hydromorph Gull are a bunch of 'hydromorph' creatures in this set, which basically mean that they are created out of water. Which sounds far, far cooler than it actually ended up becoming; we've seen far cooler-looking elementals. Still, I actually do like the artwork here. 

The Cephalids are a bit repetitive in this block, but Cephalid Sage is very colourful. I approve! And he's using bubbles to move his books around, that's cute. Cephalid Aristocrat has a marvelous asymmetric masquerade mask. 

Possessed Aven isn't quite as cool as Possessed Nomad (shocking, I know, Blue being less cool than White?) but I do really like the completely unnecessary shadowy red-eyed bird head in the background. Really reminds me of an old-school movie poster. The concept is the same, but I am just so tickled at that giant bird head.

 Skywing Aven is very colourful, and very nearly made it into the main article. 

That sure is an epic artwork for such a simple name like Circular Logic. For mages in M:TG-land, though, I suppose some circular logic would be the cause of a reality-warping tornado like that. 

False Memories has a very, very cool artwork, mostly that creepy octopus eyeball on the center of it, but the labyrinth of blocks and tentacles around it is pretty cool. There's a random three-mouthed furry monster in Deep Analysis. It reminds me of something but I'm not sure what. 

Plagiarize? That's how Cephalids plagiarize? BY a mind-link? That's cool. Stupefying Touch is also a fun name for a spell. 

Generic evil Black humans, and the obligatory Black rat. Eh. 

All these three very nearly made it into the main article, but I can't really think off too much to say. Carrion Wurm has a cool artwork and reminds me of a locomotive. Grotesque Hybrid does look grotesque, and is a fun chimerization of a centaur and aven. And Shambling Swarm is a pudgy mummy that's clearly made out of a swarm of bugs, that's pretty cool.


A bunch of undead, Sengir Vampire's actually my favourite here thanks to how funky his arms look, how frizzy that hair is, and how angry that Dracula face is. And that dapper coat! Far, far cooler than the original Sengir Vampire art. 

Apparently, Zombie Trailblazer is a thing. This guy apparently cuts open vines and makes a way through the jungle for his zombie buddies. He's a "natural-reborn leaders", hurr hurr, flavour text is funny. 

Last Laugh is a bunch of zombies literally laughing at you, making you go crazy and take damage. The artwork is kind of fun, I like it. Dawn of the Dead has some... strange proportions going on there with the foreground zombie. 

MIND SLUDGE OH NO. I like the flavour text here, I like the name, and apparently this sludge in the swamp is psychic and will get into your mind. Oh no! 

Also, MORTAAAAAL COMBAT! Sorry, had to do it. 

Mortiphobia, I feel, is designed in the same style as Narcissism and Hypochondria. Are those a cycle of 'mask' enchantments? This one doesn't quite feel as appropriate as those other two, though, it's just some sexy lady with a mask. Honestly, the card art for Last Laugh or Mutilate here might be more appropriate for a card called 'mortiphobia'. 

In his Psychotic Haze, Jabba the Wizard has befriended squirrels. Squirrels, how dare he. He's a Black-mana monster, how dare he befriend those dastardly squirrels. 

Crippling Fatigue make Dumbo tired. 

Crazed Firecat is another one I nearly put in the main article. All I could manage to say is that I like that they didn't show the full body of the beast. Otherwise, eh. 

I was about to say 'boring humans doing boring human things', but Grim Lavamancer is -mancing lava! That's cool. And Barbarian Outcast is actually classified as a beast, that's neat. 

Barbarians gonna barbar. 


Longhorn Firebeast is a cool firebeast, I suppose. It's got a neat artwork and a neat flavour text. 

Accelerate has some neat usage of the blur tool.


Flash of Defiance has a dude holding a giant femur. ...that's all I got. 


Eh. 

M'eh. 

Sonic Seizure has too fun of a name to be such boring of a card. Also, hey, a Basking Rootwalla! Still kind of a very realistic-looking lizard, but we all know that Rootwallas are M:TG original critters. 

A bunch of centaurs and an Arrogant Wurm. I like that the Arrogant Wurm's face does look like he's a prideful S.O.B. 

More centaurs. I like that the Possessed Centaur has that 'reflection shows my inner demon' thing that Possessed Nomad has. I'm actually not complaining too much, centaurs are significantly cooler than elves. 

I also don't have much to say about the Nantuko, but mantis-grasshopper druids are significantly cooler than boring human druids. 

Squirrels! Oh no, rabid squirrels!

Generic Green stuff. 


Okay, Parallel Evolution is neat. So somehow the Green caster has caused an entire batch of grass to turn into that angry pug-ram creature via parallel evolution. Not quite how that works, but still cool. 

Torment is a 'Black' set so we have a bunch of 'Tainted' other-colour lands. I never have anything interesting to say about lands, though. 
_______________________________

JUDGMENT


Ehhhh.


M'eh.


Okay, Phantom Flock is actually quite cool, they're a bunch of Aven ghost warriors. 

Phantom Nomad, too, has a cool artwork. 

Boring.

Eh. 

Okay Funeral Pyre and Chastise are both kinda cool. 

So to 'Lead Astray' is to... uh... have a giant monkey and a dragon argue with... a slug with the head of a scared baby chicken? What is going on here? No, seriously, what's going on here? 

Eh. 

Nyeh.


Cephalid Inkshrouder is kinda fun. I think we already did this before in Odyssey, but it's neat. 

Hapless Researcher has such a mean flavour text. 

It's time to try defying gravity / I think I'll try defying gravity / and you can't pull me down

Flash of Insight sure has that "AH HA!" face down. 

Laquatus's Disdain has a pretty dynamic off-hand spell-counter pose. I guess he betrays the Cephalids?

So Telekinetic Bonds shows a larger fish having a bond with a smaller fish. Okay, sure. 

Treacherous Vampire has such long hands, it's actually quite unsettling. Cabal Trainee... yeah, apparently he summoned a 'face shredder'. Poor kid. 

Sutured Ghoul also very nearly made it up there, but I again can't find much to say there. That random creepy bulb-head horror thing in Cabal Therapy is actually pretty neat. 

Toxic Stench? Try some breath mints. 


Rats' Feast has a fun flavour text. 

Barbars and hi-ho-hi-ho's. 


Oh, I get it, Liberated Dwarf was formerly the Enslaved Dwarf an expansion ago. I get it. 

M'eh, though, unfortunaetly. 

Shrug, too. These are cooler than White, as always, but I find them just eh. 

Also eh. 

Pretty cool explody explody stuff. A fire ring would be deadly to Cephalids. 

Anurid Barkripper is one of the couple of Anurids I didn't include up there. They aren't as varied as the Kavu, I can't really say too much about it. 

Good lord, Centaur Rootcaster just straight-up turned that dude's hair into plant roots. Talk about split ends!

Giant Warthog is an angry pumbaa. 

More Nantukos! Again, they are mostly doing the same thing. Nantuko Tracer is cute, though, he's trying to draw that confused lizard critter. 

A bunch of phantoms. None of them are really that interesting other than Phantom Nantuko doing the ooga-booga pose. 

Oh, Sylvan Safekeeper is riding a giant spider. Neat. 

Canopy Claws very nearly made it into the main article, too, but other than "it's cool" I can't say much about it. 

Oh no, a poor Nantuko got slaughtered and turned into armour! The bastards!


Grizzly Fate is a bad pun and I love that they made that pun. 

Eh. 

I don't have much to say here. 


And we're done. A very lukewarm set of expansions, if we're being honest. The Nightmare Horrors were cool, and we got some gems here and there, but this was a slog to get through. We'll see you guys... maybe?