Pokemon Sun LP, Part 11: Elite Four and the Champion

Last we left off, we were about to challenge the Pokemon League. So I headed up the mountain to meet Professor Kukui, who notes that it used to be kind of part of the Island Challenge that challengers who have completed all the trials and grand trials to challenge all four Kahunas... which will end up being the Elite Four. After a brief talk (including a hilarious bit where I can ask Kukui if he's cold, standing on a freezing mountain top with no shirt on) with Kukui, I head down to Mt. Lanakila to grind up my team to the level 50-55 range, because if Hau's Raichu is any indication, that's what the Elite Four's lowest team would be.

I mean, I can probably sweep this pretty easily by carrying Solgaleo with me, and like catching the pseudo-legendaries and go in with a team of like Salamence, Kommo-o, Dragonite and Metagross, but this is my team that I've traveled around Alola with and they're the team I'm going to take down the Elite Four with. It's more interesting to actually use sub-par Pokemon than just the absolute best. I mean, shit, I still have a Ribombee in my team!

HUYYYYYY

So the system is just like the Elite Four in Black/White where I can challenge any of the Elite Four in any order, which has always baffled me. What's wrong with the series-of-rooms-of-doom? Eh. In either case, I go from left to right, which initially appears to be the right order. The first to meet me is Hala, Kahuna of Melemele Island, and boy, he's not pulling any punches! All his Pokemon are level 54, and he starts off with a simple enough Hariyama that my Ribombee manage to 2-hit-KO.

But then in comes the Crabominable, this... this doofy, weird and utterly made-up-on-drugs motherfucker. LOOK AT ITS FACE! And Fighting/Ice is such a weird type combination, which I think doesn't even exist before this generation... and the combination of the two kind of fucks up my entire team. And Hala uses his Z-move, taking out the poor Lycanroc that I was trying to outspeed this abomination with. Like, every single member of my team is either damaged super-effectively by Ice or by Fighting... except for Mimikyu. Ha! One Play Rough later, and Crabominable fell. The rest of the team isn't anything too spectacular -- Primeape and Poliwrath fall quickly to Play Rough, though the Poliwrath's Waterfall came dangerously close to taking out my Mimikyu. Bewear is super-duper defensive to physical moves, so in comes Ribombee back with a vengeance, tanking the fluffy bear's Hammer Arms and unleashing Dazzling Gleams to take him out.

That was a fair bit more challenging than... actually any other first battle in the Elite Four, excepting maybe Aaron's steroid bugs from Platinum, I think. After the fifth and sixth generations had such pushovers as their Elite Four, this is a lot more challenging. Granted a good chunk of the challenge came from the fact that Hala's Pokemon and mine are mostly evenly matched in level, but that's how it should really be in every game.

I still think that the Elite Four should still have six Pokemon. Hell, as much trouble as I have (relatively) in this generation's Elite Four, I still think, like, the Elite Four and the main villain and like the last two gym leaders/kahunas and the rivals should have full teams. I harp about this every single generation, but only the Champion ever have a full team of six, and that's a bit aggravating, really.

Side-note: How cool would it be if the Kahunas carry the Tapus with them for the Elite Four fight? Like, it would make sense in-game because we're crowning the champion, and the Tapus are like blood-thirsty for battle, right? Plus, most players that isn't me would be carrying their Solgaleo or Lunala, which makes this a fair fight.

FEAR THE 'STACHE

Second up is Olivia, Kahuna of Akala Island and user of rocks. I lead with Decidueye, which is fortunate because her first Pokemon is a Relicanth. LEAF BLADE 4X DAMAGE! Thanks to the little twat Relicanth being able to get off a yawn (how did my starter get outspeed by a Relicanth, for real?) I'm forced to switch into my Lycanroc for a Lycanroc-vs-Lycanroc action. My midday Lycanroc outspeeds her midnight Lycanroc, landing a Stone Edge that took nearly the entirety of her Lycanroc's health... so of course she Countered it. Yeah, there isn't any way my poor Lycanroc's surviving that. Man, dude can't catch a break.

Decidueye goes in to pop Lycanroc off with a Leaf Blade before he can do any Z-move nonsense, and Magnezone does a hilarious 4x damage Flash Cannon that absolutely murders her Carbink. Then out comes this huge big-ass Probopass, and I completely forgot that Probopass is part-Steel, so like an idiot I launched a very, very ineffective Flash Cannon that bounces off it. The Probopass? Knows Earth Power. Poor Magnezone. Golisopod goes in and tries to Liquidate the moai bastard, but the Probopass lives the hit, quarters my speed with Thunder Wave, before Power Gem-ming my Golisopod to death. Neither Ribombee nor Mimikyu is going to fare well against a Steel type, so that leaves Decidueye to pick up the pieces... with a Z-move. Man, it's a good thing Steel no longer resists Ghost.

Of course, the Probopass didn't actually die to the Sinister Arrow Raid, but it does force Olivia to waste all her Full Restores while I chip away with Spirit Shackles, shaking off the Probopass's Sandstorms and Thunder Waves and all that nonsense. Probopass eventually falls down, though, and her final Pokemon is... an Alolan Golem. Which, by the way, knows STEAMROLLER, a Bug-type move. A Bug-type move that's very effective against my Decidueye. Oh, and the cunt Golem has Sturdy as an ability, so it lives my Leaf Blade to Steamroll my damaged Decidueye and take it out. Bitch! One of my two fairies went out to top off the 1-HP Golem...

Man, Olivia left four members of my team knocked out. I don't think I've actually suffered this badly in an Elite Four run since I was like twelve or something.

The third member is... not Nanu, but Acerola! Because Nanu doesn't play well with others, and Acerola's standing in. Okay, then. That actually makes sense. I mean, Ghost is super-effective against Ghost and I have a Decidueye and a Mimikyu on my team, so it's going to be fine as long as I outpseed, right? Well, her first Pokemon is a Sableye, which is neutral to Ghost-types due to its dual typing. No biggie, Decidueye'll just keep spamming Leaf Blades... what's that? You switched out? Into Froslass? Well.

Soulsss

What follows is a very entertaining switch-in-switch-out predicting fight against this AI and credit where credit's due, Acerola makes some really good switches. I pull my own Decidueye out and threw Magnezone in front of the Blizzard. The Flash Cannon that Magnezone did didn't hit the Froslass, however, but hit the Palossand she swapped out her Froslass into. That thing's definitely going to Earth Power me, so I swap Magnezone out to Golisopod... who tanks the Earth Power remarkably well. Didn't even activate Emergency Exit!

Palossand didn't switch out, so that means my Golisopod's Liquidation actually hit... and apparently Palossand has this Water Compaction ability that raises its defense when hit by a Water-type move. Doesn't stop it from dealing super-effective damage, mind you, and a second Liquidation takes out the sandcastle. That finally gives me a free switch back into Decidueye, who quickly takes down Acerola's Dhelmise with a Z-Move Sinister Arrow Raid. That thing looks tanky, and I'm not having some Aegislash nonsense up my face. Froslass comes back out to my Mimikyu, who Shadow Claws her to death (Mimikyu's ability is a lot more useful than I thought, by the way, freely tanking any one hit). The Sableye returns only to get a face-full of Play Rough from Mimikyu. Acerola's final Pokemon is... a Drifblim? Not a Mimikyu or a Gengar, like what her trial would imply? That was interesting. Of course, Drifblim still dies to a Thunder from Magnezone. That's anti-climactic.

Acerola's all happy and shit, and the fourth member of the Elite Four of Alola is... Hapu! Except, wait, no, it's not Hapu, but some random golfer lady, Kahili, who apparently Kukui called back from a far-off region to participate in this. I think someone in Grand Hano Hotel mentions Kahili like once or twice, but Grand Hano Resort is an area you're liable to miss because the Aether Foundation plot spirits you off to Aether Paradise before you have a chance to explore the hotel. Kahili is a Flying-type Elite Four member, which means Lycanroc and Magnezone just literally wiped out her entire team. I can't honestly tell you what her five Pokemon were. There was an Oricorio, a Skarmory... er... a Crobat? No idea. She was easy.

The championship room is devoid of a champion and for once I sit on my throne as a champion, which I think is the only time, ever, in Pokemon history, where I straight-up become the champion instead of the game crowning me and putting me into the hall of fame, but Blue/Wallace/Lance/Diantha/Cynthia/Steven/Alder/Iris still stand in the champion's room any time I return to the league. I sit down on the throne...

And Professor Kukui shows up. He talks a bit about how I'm the first-ever champion of Alola... if only it were ever that easy. A very awesome tune lights up, Kukui takes off his glasses... and, holy shit, we're fighting the professor! And this isn't some Sycamore-style battle where all he has are the three starters either. Kukui's team is legit.

Fatty fat asshat

I send out my Decidueye against his Lycanroc, who immediately sets up with Stealth Rock. Leaf Blade just falls short of killing the Lycanroc, and he outspeeds me with a critical-hit Crunch that takes out my Decidueye. Well. That could've gone better. My own Lycanroc pops out to priority Accelerock Kukui's Lycanroc to death. Kukui sends out his second Pokemon... an Incineroar! So he took in the Litten that was left behind! That's awesome. I laughed at the AI for sending in a Fire-type against my Rock-type. Hell, my Stone Edge even hit the Incineroar! But then the Incineroar unleashes a Cross Chop that OHKOs my Lycanroc.

This is just turning into a battle of taking out each other's Pokemon in quick succession, isn't it? Golisopod enters the battlefield and takes out the Incineroar with a First Impression, upon which Kukui pulls out a Braviary. Should really have taught my Golisopod Rock Slide, but I didn't. So I just relied on Liquidation to take out half of the Braviary's health. Braviary then used Whirlwind, which was a surprising tactic to use in a champion battle, pulling out... Magnezone. Oh, bad luck for you, Kukui. One Discharge later, and the Americanbird is down.

Best champion? Best champion.

Kukui then sends out a Magnezone of his own, and it came to a battle of launching Thunders and Thunderbolts at each other, Hyper Potioning our own Magnezones whenever their HPs hit yellow. It's just a relaxing, chip-each-other's-HP battle, until Kukui's Magnezone pulled out an insanely asshole trick in MIRROR COAT. My Magnezone falls. Hedging that my free disguise will tank the Flash Cannon, I throw Mimikyu into the field to unleash a Ghost-type Z-Move upon the Magnezone, taking it out. The next Pokemon that Kukui sends out is... Snorlax.

Which is the biggest piece of shit trouble that I've actually fought against. Mimikyu launches a Play Rough on it, but apparently Snorlax knew Heavy Slam, a Steel-type attack, that just flattens poor Mimikyu to hell. This leaves Ribombee out of the question as someone to take out Snorlax, so I throw Magnezone into the battle. Hey, at least Magnezone can tank some of Snorlax's hits, right? Wrong. Apparently they gave Snorlax HIGH HORSEPOWER. Mudsdale's Ground-type move. What the hell! Magnezone falls. I throw in Golisopod and Full Restore him, and he manages to whittle down the Snorlax, but not before the Snorlax forces my Golisopod to retreat back into my party, pulling out Ribombee who manages to take Snorlax down with a Dazzling Gleam before the Snorlax Heavy Slams.

Kukui's final Pokemon is an Alolan Ninetales, and neither Golisopod nor Ribombee can really touch her, so I bit my lip, swallowed my pride and used a Max Revive on Magnezone. The Ninetales take out my Ribombee with a super-effective Blizzard, I idiotically sent out Golisopod only for her to die onto Stealth Rock, which leaves Magnezone... who tanks a Blizzard wonderfully before one-shotting Ninetales with a Flash Cannon.

Mother FUCK that was a challenging Champion battle. I had one Pokemon at half health left standing, and even then I had to use a revive!

Kukui crowns me champion, and apparently I'll be able to defend my title as champion because Acerola and the others say about how other trainers will be gunning for my spot? We get a very, very extended party sequence in Iki town where all the important non-evil named characters bar Samson Oak and Kahili show up. It went on for a bit too long with so many characters pulling out their antics and whatnot, and guess what? It's actually fine. I've grown attached to these Alolan characters way, way more than I have with the cast from Kalos. There's even a moment where all the trial captains and kahunas do a simultaneous dance showing off their respective Z-moves, and way, way far in the background we zoom into Nanu, lurking near the trees, pulling it off where no one can see. Aw, Nanu.

Can't lie, Tiki-Chicken has grown on me.

Lillie pulls me off to sneak away from the party for surprise sexytimes a walk to Tapu Koko's temple, going through the bridge and whatnot into Tapu Koko's temple... upon which I fight Tapu Koko, Tapu Koko actually speaks to me "IT IS TIME!" before emerging from the stone totem in the shrine, attacking me and, well, I naturally capture the guardian deity of Melemele Island in a Pokeball. Like, you're cool, Tapu Koko, you crazy chicken totem, but there is no legendary Pokemon that I won't trap in a ball and force them to be my buddies.

That's a cool little epilogue as the party went on, and I fully expected the credits to roll... but no! We get another epilogue, which shows that Lillie's apparently going to head off to Kanto to grow stronger, travel and maybe find a way to help Lusamine. There's a bit of a teary farewell mostly on the part of Hau, but off goes Lillie on a boat, all Pokemon-anime-style, to Kanto. Really, Lillie, you should've taken a Pokemon with you, but I guess the moment you set a foot in Kanto's tall grass an old man will drag you to a lab and force you to choose between Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle, so there's that.

The credits then roll over some well-drawn artwork of all the important characters, finally settling on Lillie kissing Solgaleo, and finally the picture that Rotom took of me, Hau and Lillie in Hau'oli City, which is a nice way to top off things.

POSTGAME TIME! Apparently there's a Zygarde Core just chilling in my room, and as I head out, Hau gives me the Incinium and Primarinium... as if I have anything to use them on. But okay. Hau heads off to train with Ilima and Hala to better fight me, and I'm immediately accosted by some creepy bald dude in front of my house, giving me an enigmatic letter telling me to meet someone in a motel. Dude, this is how Mr. Bonding gets his jollies! Not cool.

Well, there's the matter of Ultra Beasts to deal with, the other three Tapus to add to my collection, Hau mentioned a Battle Tree, I probably have to explore the world to get all the Zygarde cores, and there's this weird enigmatic letter. We're off on an even longer adventure, it seems.