Reviewing Magic: The Gathering #17 - Urza's Destiny

The final part of the Urza block, Urza's Destiny. Finally, we're done with the Urza block!

Again, this was originally written as a single article alongside its two previous sets, and was split into three due to length.

• Click here for the previous part, Urza's Legacy.
• Click here for the next part, Unglued.
• Click here for the index.

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The final expansion in the Urza block, and honestly, there are genuinely way too many cards in these three blocks that are just pretty generic stuff. If not for the Phyrexians, I probably wouldn't have much to say here. Destiny is particularly bad, I feel, because outside of Blue and Black I really don't have anything interesting to work with. I don't even find a single White card I feel is noteworthy.


Rayne, Academy Chancellor, is Barrin's wife! She sort of shows up as a minor character in this segment of the Urza saga, and I think Urza manipulated Barrin and Rayne to get together or something as part of his eugenics Bloodlines project? Design-wise she's kinda boring.

Bubbling Beebles shows off a different variation of beebles that aren't pink and fleshy, but are rather light blue. Apparently, according to the flavour text, there's an "annual Beeble roast", where they roast these things. Thankfully, Rayne is a nice lady that doesn't want to murder beebles for what I assume is going to taste like gnocchi, but apparently the beebles are hated enough by the other mages that Rayne's husband Barrin is all sad about it.


Methathran Elite is one of the Metathran, a race of unquestioning blue-skinned magic-soldiers created by Urza as part of his anti-Phyrexian war thing. We get a bunch of these Metathran peeps, and they're... they're kinda neat, I guess, for a funnily-coloured humanoid. The Metathran are so alien to most other non-Urza wizards, though, that they're apparently treated with fear and suspicion by everyone else.

Aura Thief is a pretty fun illusion! It seems that this is a muscle-man with massive bat wings and the lower body of a snake, and it can summon the lightning. I really love its flavour text, too, noting that it's an illusion that is somehow able to steal reality, whatever that means.


I think this is meant to depict Yawgmoth himself? The god-being that rules over the plane of Phyrexia? I could be wrong, though. And I really do like the fact that this is presented as some sort of a Faustine deal, but instead of a devilish dude with red skin and horns, the weird beaked dude on the left is dealing with a massive machine abomination. Yawgmoth's basically a god-like entity, though, so I assume he could appear in any machine-y shape that he wants to.

The Phyrexian Negator "exists to cease", and they're a more basic-looking creature that really do end up feeling like the 'deafult humanoid robot-demon-man. I do like just how oddly that face is stretched, though, and the bizarre metal goatee that he has. A pretty cool Phyrexian monster, actually!


My word that Body Snatcher is a nasty creature. It's this bizarre machine with what mainly seems to be a robotic body that seems to be replicating the goblin in the background, but sheesh, that mass of flesh ending with a fanged bird-mouth that just out from the Body Snatcher's dome-like 'head' is pretty creepy. I'm not sure what's going on, but when the Body Snatcher comes to play, you basically have to discard a creature from your hand, and when the Snatcher dies, said creature comes back to play. Is it like a bizarre sort of possession?

Phyrexian Monitor is a Skeleton creature, and I do like the fact that this hulking dude covered in rags seems to just have a reptilian snout and maw and no eyes. It's a very striking look, despite being pretty simple. I like it! There's also a lot of neat, wretched-looking creatures in the background of this art piece, too.


The Skittering Horror is pretty nasty, too, and I really do like the implication that this is basically a 'rough draft' made by the Phyrexian commander Davvol, because the moment you play any other creature spell from your hand, the Skittering Horror just gets 'replaced' and dies. It's like this bizarre insectoid creature with a massive head that looks kind of like a Ceratopsian dinosaur, and there's so many random features on its 'face'! There's the one lone asymmetrical eyeball on the crest, there's a tongue flopping out, there seems to be a mosquito-like stinger... yeah, this sure is a horrifying critter!

Slinking Skirge is another Skirge, and most of the Skirges, as I mention before, share the same look, but I do particularly like just how nasty the Slinking Skirge's arms look, with its techno-organic flesh showing from underneath ripped-up green skin. Apparently, the greater Phyrexians dine on Skirges, which is represented by a card draw.


Squirming Mass could've just been any old ooze, but holy shit, the fact that it seemingly goes from a giant jelly into a mass of tentacles that reach out and destroy all the trees around it... I'm not sure if the artist meant to sneak an almost human-like face in the midst of it all. Why do a race of techno-organic zombie-robot-demons need a giant blob monster, I don't know, but they have one!

Plague Dogs makes me think that it's the 'upgraded' version of the Hollow Hound above, with a more mean-looking pose, larger claws and a nastier-looking skull, and judging by its name, it also spreads the same plague that the other Phyrexians in Urza's Legacy does. It's a pretty cool looking skeleton-demon-dog-robot! Honestly, I do really like just how much all the Phyrexians across these three expansions do each have their own unique 'feel' to it, with the real unifying direction between them being that they're all mechanical while aping (or showing off) some organic parts. Like the Plague Dogs showing a bunch of random exposed ribcages that we're not quite sure are made up of bone or the same quasi-metallic substance the rest of it seems to be made up of. I think that's the whole 'theme' of Phyrexia, which is that everything fits as long as it's to some degree robotic or features nasty-looking mutilation.


We've got a bunch of goblins in Urza's Destiny, but the funniest one of them all is probably Goblin Gardener, who is shown to be such a horrible gardener that the crops end up withered and dead after he's done with it. That flavour text is also hilarious. "Save time: eat dirt!"

Marker Beetles is a pretty interesting fictional insect, where they appear to be a weird mixture of aphids and those honey-pot ants crawling along trees and waving their massive fat abdomens in the air. Apparently, I think they're meant to be some form of emergency rations, based on the flavour text and the fact that all of its abilities involve either it dying or being willingly sacrificed by its controller.


I'm indebted to include Rofellos, Llanowar Emissary, because he's a legendary creature. He's an elf leader boy prancing around in the jungle. Very elven. Very boring. He's Multani's successor, apparently. Why can't Multani pick another Maro crerature instead?

Plated Spider is honestly just a giant spider with thorns and spikes all over its body, but I do really love just how dynamic that artwork looks in making the jumping spider end up looking so dynamic and simultaneously somewhat confusing, like it's literally a mass of thorns and vines leaping into the air to chow down on that hapless dragon. Absolutely love the flavour text, too. "Most spiders aren't forty feet tall".


THron Elemental is a creature that's pretty cool, if simple. It's just a massive humanoid made entirely of brambles, and it shoots brambles and spikes at people. It's not until you see the birds in the bottom part of the art that you realize how utterly massive the Thorn Elemental is. No wonder the Phyrexians were beaten back by the elves, at least for a while!

Brass Secretary shouldn't be this interesting, since it's just some butler robot dude writing things on a scroll, but a combination of the scroll coming out of his own chest, as well as that hilarious combination of nose and chin shape, ends up really making the Brass Secretary have such a unique charm to him. He's probably called Jeeves or something along those lines.


Thran Golem is Karn's buffer, spikier cousin. I do like that apparently the Thran Golem constantly grows spikes, and required 'regular trimming'. Okay, then!

And we get the funniest card in this expansion, Fodder Cannon. It's black comedy hilarity enough that these goblin peasants are just calmly getting into the cannon, and I do love that they don't even have the same sort of maniacal expression that M:TG goblins usually have... but just read that flavour text! Find another cousin indeed. From the name to the art to the flavour text, this card's pretty neat!

That's it for now, folks! Click under the break for the story time.




Story Time!


And finally, the final storyline in the block is in Urza's Destiny.


The refugees of Serra's realm try to acclimatize themselves in Dominaria after the destruction of their realm, and meet some difficulties of their own. (False Prophet; Reliquary Monk).

Meanwhile, Urza tries to create a different sort of legacy -- children -- because he fears he might not be enough to stop the Phyrexian invasion. To this end, Urza creates a magically-engineered race of blue-skinned soldiers called the Metathran. (Urza's Incubator; Thran Dynamo). These soldiers are mighty and are created by Thran machines. He also takes a look in what he dubs the Bloodline Project, to create suitable heirs to bequeath the defense of Dominaria to.


Urza's increasingly wild plans cause many of the surviving members of Tolaria to leave in stark opposition. Meanwhile, Barrin marries Rayne, the academy chancellor. He has doubts about Urza's endeavour, but chooses to throw himself to work. In time, the Metathran Soldiers are constructed. This would be what Urza would obsess over, and some time afterwards, he would show up in the plane of Rath during the events of Exodus.


The renegade Gatha, however, committed treachery and perverted Urza's Bloodline project (Private Research), creating the powerful witch-king barbarian Kreig, in addition to other Twisted Experiments. 

The elf Rofellos takes over Multani's position as guardian of Yavimaya (Rofellos' Gift) while Multani goes to heal other parts of Dominaria. Under his lead, they manage to repel an invasion force of Phyrexian Negators (Ancient Silverback). 


Yawgmoth, meanwhile, continues to want Urza dead (Yawgmoth's Bargain), and tasks Croag, a member of his inner circle, to deal with the planeswalker. Croag assigns his own minion, Davvol, over the artificial plane of Rath (which was created as a 'tumour' to Dominaria, so to speak), to eradicate the native humans and elves and take control of Rath for their own.

Croag also led an army of Phyrexians to invade the island of Keld, facing off against the Keldon Champion Kreig, Gatha's champion. Kreig died, but wounded Croag enough to force him to retreat to Rath. An altercation with the treacherous Davvol ended up causing his position to be replaced by the Dominarian-born Volrath, as seen in the Tempest block. Meanwhile, Gatha's attempt to escape ended up with him being slain by the very abominations he created (Aether Sting).

...bit of a disconnect from the Urza story, yeah, the cards from this block? Basically, sometime between the Urza cycle and the events of Weatherlight and whatnot, the Bloodline project ended up with its results growing up to be the likes of Gerrard and Sisay, the author's pets 'chosen ones' able to pilot the Weatherlight to rescue Dominaria from Phyrexia, and they go around gathering the Legacy artifacts. While Urza and Yawgmoth both sort of continues to consolidate power, I guess. And thus the prequel trilogy's over! Next up, Mercadian Masques.

The rest of the expansion of Urza's Destiny. Are we almost done? We are!


Holy people!


Holy people, an angel and a bird-cat.


More angels.


Generic white spells.


Even more white spells.


Buncha mages.


Buncha birds. Birds are blue.


Spells!


Even more spells! Lots of blue-skinned people in this set.


Spells and an angry black mage.


Spooky Black monsters! We get two Black rat monsters.


Bunch of less-interesting Black cards.


There's way too many teeth in that creature in Chime of Night. He should be an extra in A Nightmare Before Christmas.


A bunch more Black spells and red ogre-giants.


Red creatures! We've got a bunch of humans. Plus the Colos, which are like giant mountain rams or some shit.


A bunch of goblins. Goblin Masons are fun! They have no idea of conformity and apparently use tortoises and skulls as bricks, but shit, for a goblin, that's actually impressive that they even manage to build a wall in the first place.


Red spells.


Red spells.


More Red spells.


Bunch of Green elves.


Too many elves.


Goliath Beetle is pretty. Hunting Moa and Emperor Crocodile are cool. Splinter has a pretty badass artwork.


Green spells.


Multani's Decree! We've seen the Multani show up a couple of times. He's neat, I suppose.


Y'know, these robotic animals are pretty neat. Mantis Engine's the cooler, and I like just how weirdly muscled and lumpy the Masticore is. It's got three mouths!


More artifacts. Metalworker looks so hilariously simple, while the Extruder looks like it could really fuck you up.


More artifacts....

...and we're finally done with the Urza block! Woo!

If you can't tell, I really didn't find this block all that appealing at all.