Pokemon Top Tens: Best and Worst Mega Evolutions

Now, a bit of a disclaimer -- I don't play a lot of the Pokemon meta. I dabbled in it when Generation VI was initially released, but the meta is just so insanely competitive with you having to get just the right set of IV's and EV's and supporters and counters. It's fun to dabble in and I enjoyed some success with around twelve competitively-bred Pokemon, but as a metagame to follow it's just not that appealing to me. But, hey, Pokemon is more than the metagame. At the core it's still an RPG about capturing amazing and weird creatures. In this list I'll be talking about the core gimmick of Generation VI, Mega Evolution.

This list will primarily be based on a design standpoint, though I'm definitely going to put in a couple of considerations based on how awesome they actually are in-game. Due to the small amount of mega evolutions, though, I'll go with five for each. Yeah. My first 'top ten' article is... not a proper top ten all the way through. Such is life.

Top Five Best Mega Evolutions

Before we start off, let's go with some honourable mentions. Mega Aerodactyl looks awesome with his rocky protrusions and is one of my competitive megas, but he also looks silly at the same time. Mega Houndoom is an underrated and subtle Mega Evolution that just enhances his hellhound qualities. Mega Banette and all his insane zippers is a nice, creepily awesome design. Mega Metagross looks both stupid and fantastic at the same time with so many arms at once, and certainly looks like he can fuck you up. Both Mega Mewtwos also fall in here -- design-wise they're questionable, especially Mewtwo Y's stupid head-tentacle, but they are flavourful both as more 'armoured' and more 'organic' versions of Mewtwo respectively, plus having Mewtwo as the hands-down most powerful damage output dealer in the game is appropriate and very 1996. Mega Mawile is cool and cute at the same time. Mega Blastoise, Mega Rayquaza, Mega Absol, Mega Charizard Y and Mega Beedrill both looks cool and so much more powerful despite undergoing honestly minimal changes, keeping a lot of the spirit of the original designs without trying too hard to go full on overdesigned. (Maybe I should've made a top ten with so many honourable mentions, but it's still better like this for symmetry).

5. Mega Pinsir: Mega Pinsir is one of the more creative and awesome evolutions at the same time. Pinsir is an insane-looking motherfucker that I took a liking to almost immediately in episode three or four of the anime. How is this based on a stag beetle? It's insanely weird looking, yet cute at the same time. In nearly every game that Pinsir has appeared in, he's always been a very rare bug pokemon. Pinsir has almost been overshined entirely by his 'rival' in Generation II, Heracross, who looks far more heroic, had a secondary Fighting typing that made him infinitely more useful than Pinsir, and a very prominent role in the anime. Poor Pinsir just got nothing until his Mega Evolution. And the Mega Evolution's concept is simple yet suitable. Real stag beetles have wings, so Nintendo just made Pinsir's spikes spikier, made a few slight alterations to his limbs, and cracked open his back to give him wings. And those are some cool biologically-accurate insect wings. Pinsir gains a secondary type, becoming Bug/Flying, as well as the ability Aerialate which transforms all normal attacks into Flying attacks. Suddenly what was once seen as a poor man's Heracross is now a buzzing reaper of death, deserving of the horrifyingly creepy design that Pinsir has. Mega Pinsir just looks insane, and is actually pretty powerful and viable as well. And more importantly, being able to deal a STAB Flying attack onto the 4x-weak-to-Flying Heracross is justice well deserved for being an underdog for fifteen years.

4. Mega Kangaskhan:  Mega Kangaskhan is a very simple mega evolution in both concept and execution. Where other mega evolutions undergo a drastic change that highlights different facets of their initial form, it is not so for Kangaskhan. The parent Kangaskhan remains absolutely similar to her original form, and every single change went to her child. It's both cute and heartwarming at the same time, and definitely fitting in with Kangaskhan's flavour as the 'parental' pokemon with the mother giving all the evolution energy to the child. The way the transformation happens in-game is also awesome (and utterly broken), with Kangaskhan simply gaining the ability to do every single attack she does... twice. Yes, in theory, the child only hitting for like half the damage might be a balancing factor, but damn, you can bet that in the meta you can have an insanely powerful Mega Kangaskhan that will simply hit priority and murder everything in her sight outright. Mega Kangaskhan is a force to be reckoned with, and after spending fifteen years as a forgettable Safari Zone rare, this awesome mother-son team finally manages to return in a big way, dominating entire battlefields in a form worthy of both her title as a 'Khan' and a way that's reflective of what his pokemon embodies: a mother's love for her child.

3. Mega Scizor: Mega Scizor is just cool, all right? Scyther and Scizor were both already pretty cool on their own, being these mantis/raptor/robot hybrid thing. Mega Scizor streamlines Scizor's design, adding more black armour pieces and making his legs look cool, but the coolest part of his design is these insane sawblade-claws that replaced Scizor's original chunky crab-claws. I just really like Scizor. He really should be a powerhouse if the Gen IV/V powercreep hadn't hit the original two generations so hard, and this mega evolution fixes it. I don't think Mega Scizor is a tier 1 mega-evolution, or I could be wrong -- being 4x weak to fire probably isn't a good thing like ever, but I don't really care that much for the Smogon crowd, and as long as Mega Scizor looks cool and can actually back up that coolness with a decent Technician-boosted moveset, he's awesome.

2. Mega Swampert: A bit of a biased choice on my part, because Generation III (and I) was one of the generations that I played a lot of as a kid, and I spent a lot of time playing with all three starters on different game cartridges and emulators. Of all three, though, my favourite will always be Mudkip and not because of the meme. I just like the ugly-cute design of the Mudkip line in general, and was pretty miffled when Blaziken got a mega-evolution in XY while Sceptile and Swampert didn't get jack shit. You know, Nintendo, there are people who pick Grass and Water-type starters! Why does Charizard get two mega-evolutions, and why does Blaziken get an early-release mega-evolution? It's unfair! That said, though, the original Swampert design was always this bulky tank of a mudfish/frog creature that hits hard with Earthquakes and Muddy Waters, while still looking doofy and cute.

One of the weirdest things about Swampert was its rather spindly arms. It's not so prominent in video games where the angle makes it look normal, but Swampert actually has these paper-thin arms like its pre-evolution Marshtomp. Well, Mega Swampert apparently went to the gym in the ten years while it waited for the HOENNCNFRMD and got some insane-looking gains. It just looks utterly badass, this muscle-bound, manly powerhosue ready to smack your enemies down. Again, it manages to look different from the original Swampert while still looking liek the original Swampert. It's bulkier, has spiky cheek-fins, is more hunched and musclier, but ultimately it's still unmistakably Swampert. As you probably guessed, it's gained a crapton of physical Attack, and swaps out its crappy Torrent ability for Swift Swim. Swampert has always been on the slow side of things, but with the rain-given boost that Swift Swim gives? A double battle with a Kyogre or a Politoed as an ally will assure utter destruction by Mega Swampert, who gives a whole new meaning to the term 'lightning bruiser'. As a nice little design bonus, apparently those orange organs on Swampert's muscly lower arm are organic water-jets, which explains the Swift Swim. I really love it when they go the extra mile and incorporate parts of the design while designing the pokemon's abilities and builds and not just slap any competitive ability wily-nily.

1. Mega Garchomp: Garchomp is already one of the coolest Pokemon in existence, being a raptor-landshark dragon with qualities based on a fighter jet that is also a pseudo-legendary to boot. Ground/Dragon might be super-weak to Ice, but who cares when you can just have this awesome sand dragon wrecking house? Ground and Dragon are both powerful types offensively, and being a pseudo means he gets a great statline and a powerful moveset. He makes Flygon (who already looks cool and is totally screwed over for not getting a Mega in Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire) look like a puny bug in comparison. What really sucked for Garchomp, though, was its lack of useful Abilities. Sand Veil ups evasion in sandstorm, which isn't the worst thing ever but honestly doesn't tie into what you want to do with a Garchomp. Rough Skin deals return damage if the enemy hits your Garchomp with physical attacks, which means jack shit if they're lobbing an Ice Beam your way. So instead of these two defensive abilities, why not just give Mega Garchomp Sand Force, which increases Attack instead of Evasion in a sandstorm? It sucks since, y'know, you need a sandstorm brewing, but increasing Mega Garchomp's already-insane attack stat is definitely far more awesome. I also like Mega Garchomp for being one of the few Mega Evolutions to actually have a stat decrease in exchange for being even more hyper-specialized in Physical Attack. And considering he sacrifices those arm-wings for more scary bladey appendages, it's sensible for him to have a mild reduction in Speed in exchange for more nuking power. It's a nice little touch unlike most Megas who just go on simple stat buffs.

From a design standpoint Mega Garchomp's a cool motherfucker as well. He swaps out Garchomp's already-cool arm side-blades for blood-stained scythes. He's gained a super-manly chin, and sprouted all kinds of blades on his chest and legs.. which somehow doesn't make Mega Garchomp look stupidly over-designed like other Megas I could name, and actually complements his overall look as this murder shark out to murder you. From a design and awesomeness standpoint I think Mega Garchomp is probably one of the most well-designed Mega Evolutions out there. Of course, this is a highly opiniated list, and honestly on a different day any one of these five (and some of the honourable mentions) could probably take the top pick, but hey.

Top Ten Worst Mega Evolutions

Yeah, this is a very opiniated list, so apologies if your favourite Mega Evolution ended up here, but, y'know, some of them are actually idiotic. Honourable mentions go to Mega Latias and Mega Latios for being lazy copy-pastes of each other and having weird-ass arms, Mega Slowbro who dodged being on this list for still being cute in spite of being so utterly weird and useless, and Mega Camerupt for looking like a roomba, though his cool-looking volcano makes up for it.

5. Mega Tyranitar: I know Mega Tyranitar is, like, super-viable in competitive, but man, what an ugly fucker! The original Tyranitar was cool and chunky and scary-looking, basically Pokemon's own version of Godzilla. Mega Tyranitar... just takes this in the wrong direction and pulled in all of the bad tropes from the 'dude in suits' giant monster Japanese shows. It's got these really stupid-looking protrusions from its back, tail and shoulders that really look utterly stupid instead of cool like the ones that Mega Garchomp or Mega Aerodactyl have. His chest randomly has these eye-nipple things that makes his belly look like a Pupitar, and the general shape of his torso just looks like someone wearing an oversized shirt. That's really not what you want your Godzilla to look like. So where other Mega Evolutions ended up looking far more badass and threatening, Tyranitar turns from an imposing dinosaur kaiju into someone who looks like he would waddle into battle in an oversized suit of armour.

4. Mega Glalie: I actually liked Mega Glalie in the short bit that I owned her in the Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire mini-demo where I got a free Mega Glalie from completing the short mini-quest there. But it ultimately is a very underwhelming and weird-looking Mega Evolution. Glalie is a cool floating disembodied head made up of ice, with some shades of hockey mask serial killer thing thrown in for good measure. The original Glalie was cool! I mean, there is no way in hell you would evolve Snorunt into Glalie instead of Froslass, who is like three times cooler (heh, cooler) than Glalie, and has the added benefit of knowing Ghost-type moves. Everyone speculated that if Glalie got an evolution or a Mega-Evolution, his type would probably be changed into Ice/Dark because, hey, he's a pretty evil-looking monster! And he learns a fair amount of Dark-type moves, too! And come his Mega Evolution... and we got... this. It looks like Pacman cosplaying as Glalie, with its lower law looking absolutely stupid. Is the black rocky texture supposed to be some stupid mustache-thing? How does Mega Glalie even shut his mouth? Well, maybe he gets a cool ability that enhances his physical attack like Mega Charizard X or Mega Aerodactyl... nope! He gets Refrigerate, which honestly is absolutely useless because why would you want to turn his moves into Ice-type? Mega Pinsir up above makes great use of Aerialate because regular Pinsir doesn't learn any Flying-type moves, but Mega Glalie? Yeah, unless you want to sacrifice your Mega-Evolution for a STAB Ice-type Explosion, This dude isn't just dumb-looking, it's actually dumb to use as well.

3. Mega Pidgeot: Making cool-looking birds shouldn't be hard, really, and Pidgeot is already a simple yet majestic-looking bird. The original awesome big bird of prey Pokemon, you would think they would give Pidgeot a better-looking design instead of just giving his majestic red-yellow hair a trimming, then slapping on these stupid-looking tendril hair things that don't even look good. Oh, and let's dip Pidgeot's wingtips and tail in blue paint just for the hell of it! Mega Pidgeot is just a bit disappointing, and I remembered he was revealed in the same day that the utterly awesome-looking Mega Beedrill did. Neither Mega Pidgeot nor Mega Beedrill are really top-tier mega evolutions, but Mega Pidgeot is just... kinda boring all around. No Guard just ensures that Pidgeot will hit with every move, but with Pidgeot's utterly shallow movepool and ultimately underwhelming stats it just means that all it will do is launch Hurricanes. Why bother when you could just run more powerful flyers like Talonflame, Staraptor, Aerodactyl or any of the dragons, and then use a far cooler Mega Evolution? 

2. Mega Audino: Okay, I just probably flat-out don't like Audino. I mean, the Mega Evolution introduction was to make the older Gen I-III pokemon more viable competitively, and Generation V was responsible for most of the power creep so it's a given that not a lot of Gen V pokemon will get megas, but seriously? Of all the pokemon in Generation V, you go with Audino, the most utterly boring of all the Generation V pokemon? I've never liked Audino, with her stupid ear-stethoscope things and just looking utterly dumb. Mega Audino tries to give her a doctor's coat and more frilly things, but where additional frills worked for Mega Altaria and Mega Diancie, on Mega Audino it just makes her look... even more plain. The change in colour scheme which makes her even more monotonic doesn't work either. And she's not even good in battle! Healer's underwhelming, and her stat boost is truly minimal. She's Normal/Fairy, you say? Well, you could just slap the Fairy-typing on regular Audino and no one would even care. They really should've made this design into just a flat-out evolution, that's how m'eh her Mega Evolution is. Mega Audino is just so high on the list due to the fact that they didn't even really try. She's just so boring. And considering so many cooler and cuter Generation V pokemon could've gotten the Mega Evolution instead...

1. Mega Manectric: I actually liked Manectric! I raised a Manectric in a good chunk of my runs through my old copies of Pokemon Emerald and Pokemon Sapphire. Manectric is honestly never that good. He's fast and hits hard, but ultimately way too fragile and there are so many better Electric-type options out there... but Manectric is this cool-looking blue-yellow attack dog with a pretty cool design. Generation VI seems to pair Manectric up with fellow cool-dog Houndoom. And Mega Houndoom is pretty cool! It's easy to make big dogs and big cats look cool. And with Manectric... they... turned him into this... weird... fucking... thing. It's been like two or three years since Mega Manectric was released in Pokemon XY, and I still have no idea what that giant-ass yellow shell is supposed to be. I get it, he's supposed to be a living thunderbolt, but couldn't they have gone with something more akin to Zapdos, Jolteon or Zebstrika and gave him thunderbolt wings or thunderbolt spikes or some shit? This thing makes Mega Tyranitar look subtle. And it's not even a good Mega-Evolution, only having Intimidate... which, in all other Mega-Evolving Pokemon (Gyarados, Mawile, Salamence) is replaced with something better because Intimidate is a one-off. It also came out in the same game that Mega Ampharos debuted, which is also a Lightning-type Mega Evolution with a higher Special Attack stat, a far more durable statline, as well as gaining the Dragon typing and a far more superior ability when she Mega Evolves. And Mega Ampharos doesn't look like a stupid Fakemon the way Mega Manectric does. And the fact that the original Manectric looked so cool, too! And this thing really could've been so cool -- Mega Manectric's legs in that artwork already looks cool. Just remove that gigantic yellow shell and he would've been a half-decent cool Pokemon even if he's outshone by Ampharos, but no. He just looks utterly dumb.

That's my first Top Ten Pokemon list. I'll probably do several of these in the near future, and maybe some Top Tens for other video games, TV shows and mangas. Stay tuned!