Pokemon Top Tens: Least Favourite Pokemon (Gen I-VI)

With 721 various creatures from six generations, and around at least a hundred more in the upcoming new generation VII, to say that there is a lot of Pokemon is an understatement. Obviously, despite all the awesome-looking and cute-looking monsters out there, they can't all be winners. Some of the lesser ones get by simply because they are boring or useless, but some are just... well, I hate them for various reasons. And despite being a big Pokemon fan who has gone through hating the new generation before embracing it wholeheartedly, there are several Pokemon who I still find irredeemable and honestly the world will be better off with them out of the way. And no, I don't count things like Zubat or Geodude in this list simply because you encounter a lot of them. Geodude's kind of dumb, but I've always loved the Zubat line (even if Golbat is kinda gross) ever since their debut. (Crobat is awesome! I've had him in my party as a main fighter in at least four different playthroughs.) I don't think the likes of  the Muk line, the Scraggy line or the Diglett line are all that dumb either. Oversimplistic, perhaps, but they're not that bad. And I certainly don't hate Vanilluxe -- he looks weird as hell, but he's hardly the worst thing out there. Or Stunfisk, who I actually thought is cute in that derpy-idiot sort of way. Or the baby Pokemon or the Pikachu clones, who at least have the decency to be cute. Nah, the ones on this list don't make it there simply because they're useless in battle. They really need to do something more to upset me than that.

But first, some honourable mentions of things that I dislike but don't hate quite enough to put on this list, mostly due to simply looking dumb and stupid. Though visual appearances alone isn't quite enough to make me hate something, it's enough to make me dislike it whenever it crops up... Beeheyem. Aromatisse. Beartric. Smeargle. Tyrogue. The entire Klink line. Clefairy. Lickilicky. Rhyperior. Electivire. Meloetta. White-Kyurem and Black-Kyurem. Probopass. Diggersby. (Those last two at least are meant to be ugly)

So, anyway, with that out of the way, here's my top ten least favourites, from the one I dislike the least to the one I want to shoot in the head with a shotgun fifteen times if I see it in real life.
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10. Garbodor: Okay, okay, it's easy to hate on Garbodor. For one, he's introduced in Generation V, which was at that time much-maligned by the community and the fanbase. While the hate towards Generation V had ultimately simmered down and it ended up being a very worthy entry into the Pokemon franchise, there's no denying that Generation V's sheer quantity of new Pokemon introduced -- with none of the previous four generations appearing in Generation V initially, and with all-too-obvious replacements for classic favourites -- meant that there were a lot of misses as much as there were hits. I could probably write an entire article about the good and bad things about Generation V, and maybe one of these days I'll do a 'best and worst of this Generation' list. But Garbodor and Vanniluxe are usually what everyone points to as proof that Generation V ran out of ideas. Lol look at the ice cream Pokemon and the garbage trash Pokemon!

Well, I don't hate on the idea of garbage being sentient. Golems made of refuse has always been a part of numerous fantasy lore and ultimately one of the biggest inspirations for Pokemon are fantasies of all sorts. And the Trubbish/Garbodor line kind of made sense, considering Generation I starred two evolutionary lines of pure-Poison types based on pollution -- Grimer/Muk and Koffing/Weezing, representing liquid pollution and air pollution respectively. Garbodor and Trubbish were born of land pollution. And, well, really, why do I dislike Garbodor so, when I really like Muk and Koffing? Muk is just a pile of purple goop!

Well, Garbodor is just... ugly as all hell. You can quote me on saying that I think Trubbish is cute the way things like Dunsparce and Stunfisk and Aipom can be considered cute. Trubbish is a nice, simple design! It's a tied-up trash bag that waddles along with its trash feet and arms that are made up of waste. Garbodor? Garbodor's just ugly. From the ripped-up trash bag to its bwaaaa mouth to his asymmetrical tentacle-arms that just out from different heights, to his weird toilet-roll fingers, to his big fat belly that looks more like dirty ice-cream than actual refuse... Garbodor just sits on that awkward place where he would've looked better if he was designed more to make his 'walking landfill' concept more apparent, or if he was designed simpler to make him look less ugly.

Plus, Garbodors are hella annoying to fight, in addition to being ugly. Some poison types have had a history of being annoying tanky shits that have a move or two that can hit particularly hard -- Muk, Weezing, Skuntank -- but Garbodor is just annoying, standing there and launching all sorts of gunk and sludge your way. Not enough of a threat to really consider using, but annoying enough to take a fairly long time to murder.

Man, that was a lot of words for a pile of walking garbage.

9. Patrat: Okay, this one is simple enough. Each generation needs a resident weak rodent-thing in the early routes. We went from cute ones like Sentret and Zigzagoon, to sorta-realistic ones like Rattata, to doofy ones like Bidoof... and then there's this dude. Patrat is just ugly as sin. He looks like he's either hyper-caffeinated or possessed by a demon from the ninth circle of hell, and he just stares at you with that annoying-ass expression. We already had a meerkat (admittedly a very stylized meerkat) in Sentret and Furret, but Patrat? Patrat has the combination of being ugly, being utterly everywhere in the early routes, being utterly useless (especially compared to Lillipup and Purrloin, both also early-route Pokemon in Generation V that look far better and evolve into far more tolerable creatures), yet being an absolute pain in the ass to fight. Being an early-game route fodder, Patrat is not particularly powerful, but try fighting one of these fuckers. Want to attack him? Good luck with him spamming Sand Attack. Oh, your attack lands? Of course it's on the turn it uses Detect. Happen to find one of these at a higher level? Well, Hypnosis and Mean Look and fuck you. It evolves into Watchog, which is useless and ugly... but nowhere as ugly as Patrat.

8. Ambipom: Generation IV introduced a lot of new evolutions (and I do mean a lot) to earlier Generation Pokemon that required a real buff to even be relevant, a problem that plagued the cast of Generation II so much that it practically crippled the Pokemon of that Generation. While a lot of the new evolutions in Generation IV were pretty awesome, there were a lot of classic designs that were utterly ruined, like Rhyperior and Electivire, who looked ugly as fuck. Or there were designs that made an already dumb design look even dumber. Tangrowth, Probopass and Lickilicky fall in this category. But none of them made it onto the list. None except Ambipom.

Aipom is a fairly inoffensive creature. Based on monkeys whose tail acted as a third arm, it's a funny and dumb-looking thing that you don't really think much of. It had a pretty major role as Gold's main Pokemon in Pokemon Adventures, but other than that it isn't a very memorable creature. Well, giving it an evolution should fix it, right? And Ambipom's concept is decent. Give the monkey with a tail-arm... a second tail-arm! Except that's not all that they changed. The tail-fingers turned oddly pointy and the tail-arm became spherical like a cow's udder. Ambipom has this annoying weird... thing on his nose, and what the hell is that haircut? The random bug antennae and the stupid Rock Lee bowl cut just made the ugly-but-cute Aipom look... like a total doofus. It tries way too hard to add things onto the design like those ass-tufts and nose-thing and the Rock Lee haircut that it ends up being one of the most ridiculously moronic things. And, yeah, this thing annoys me a lot more than the fucking garbage bag.

And what really annoys me? Ambipom really likes to show up in Wi-Fi battles, with STAB Technician-boosted Fake Outs dealing a crapton of damage before it does a bunch of weird shit to screw my team. All the while it's smiling like a damned douchehole.


7. Gurdurr: I have no problem with Timburr, who is just your generic ambiguous-humanoid-animal Pokemon, or Conkeldurr, who looks sort of badass with those two giant pillars. Yes, the entire line are obvious copy-pastes of the Machop/Machoke/Machamp line, except with construction workers instead of wrestlers. No, they won't win the top ten creative designs of Generation V, but there are worse designs, and occupational-based Pokemon has been around since forever. But Gurdurr? In addition to having a head that looks like an afro-shaped tumour, an inexplicable clown-nose which is made more prominent here since Gurdurr's head is round, a weirdly tiny waist and giant blobs of muscle-arms that look deformed as hell? And those weird pink... things... are those supposed to be veins? Then what are the weird lifesaver things on his armpits? And who in Nintendo really thought 'Gurdurr' was a good enough name, like, seriously? This thing is utterly stupid on so many levels. It's just ugly, it doesn't make sense, and there isn't any kind of cultural explanation to why a construction worker would look like this deformed Physics-defying broccoli-headed dude.

6. Hypno: Hypno was a totally forgettable Pokemon from Generation I. He was the Psychic-type that scrubs who couldn't manage to catch an Abra would raise, because he's ultimately a poor man's Alakazam. Plus, y'know, Alakazam is just so much cooler. Hypno is just this weird cat-man with a giant nose and a random neck-fluff and a pendulum. The fact that his design makes him look like a totally naked man doesn't help to make him cooler than Alakazam either.

And it really got worse when you realize that, hey, Hypno's lore all kind of reference pedophilia, or at least child kidnapping. While the concept of using hypnotism to put 'prey' to sleep so he can eat his dreams is a decent concept for a C-list creature, at least two of Hypno's in-game Pokedex entries reference him kidnapping children, and there are at least several other secondary guidebooks or whatever that reference this. And Hypno's most prominent role in the main series games? Attack a secluded, terrified child in Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen. Man, if the player character hadn't gotten to her rescue in time... Her dialogue before the player rescued her was that Hypno 'kept scaring her', meaning that it's not just doing it out of a sense of territoriality, but actually relishing in the poor little girl's fear. The fact that he looks, like, y'know, a freaking naked man with those shifty eyes doesn't help either. It's no surprise Hypno is a subject of many creepy-pastas and Pokemon-based horror stories and the most disturbing Rule 34 shit ever, because look at this fucker! It's not only stupid, it's also borderline offensive.

5. Jynx: Do I have to go on a rant about Jynx? Really, it's a given that Jynx is on everyone's 'top ten least faovurite Pokemon list'. And that's without going to the controversies either -- yeah, she could just be an innocent mistake on Japan's part in adapting Ganguro fashion style in a way that ends up looking like Blackface, but even without the racism undertones Jynx is already a stupid design. How does ugly-ass things like Jynx and Hypno beat out Heracross and Scizor in being part of the original 151, I have no idea and I don't understand. Jynx is just weird. You can argue all you want that she's based on any one of many Japanese myths, but I bet none of them look like this ugly hooker thing. The fact that there is no real apparent origin for Jynx, unlike many of the other Pokemon based on Japanese mythology, is further proof of this ugly thing's misguided creation. Look at her! Look at that ugly-ass face, those random boobs in full view, and just... just... ew. Other humanoid Pokemon are generally based on an occupation or two, or at least look part-animal. Jynx is just a fat black lady without legs. She's easily one of the most stupid designs out there, but since Nintendo is quite understandably cutting back on using Jynx at all -- usually putting her much less-offensive pre-evolution Smoochum as the ones that trainers in-game use -- it hasn't really annoyed me as much as these next four.

4. Unown: Unown! Man, back when I was a kid and Generation II was the newest thing, Unown looked cool. What was the mystery behind all these things? The Ruins of Alph were accessible as early as the second gym, and to unleash the Unown you had to unlock some kind of hieroglyphic puzzle. It's pretty cool, and the suspense of unleashing some ancient things locked away by a series of cryptic clues is a very great concept in any adventure game. But other than the thrill of unlocking and beating the puzzles that annoy them, Unown end up... being lackluster as all hell. They only know one move, Hidden Power, which is a lot less impressive than it sounds. They can't learn any kind of TM's, not even Psychic-type attacks, and this makes them the unambiguously weakest and most useless Pokemon ever. Unown came in 26 shapes corresponding to the alphabet, and the Pokedex and lore hint that each Unown has their own powers. The third Movie introduced Unown as some kind of extra-dimensional Lovecraftian alien things that arrive in a hivemind swarm that react to a person's emotions and have utterly insane reality-warping powers. In-game? An unevolved Magikarp's better.

We have gone several generations since Generation II, and after several punctuation mark Unowns were added into the game in Generation III, the only real purpose of the Unown seems to be nothing but to add an annoying side-quest for you to catch 26 of these ugly eyeballs that end up giving you no function other than to spell out profanities in your Pokeboxes. The concept is really cool, but the fact that we've waited close to twenty years with jack shit of a payoff on this particular story means that, well, Unown ends up being just shit. Just give them more moves or, hell, some actual lore significance other than just having their mysteries hinted at and never explored. Or just give us an amalgamation evolution or some shit like that. They're just a giant disappointment.

3. The Elemental Monkeys: Okay, technically these are a set of six Pokemon, but I hate the Elemental Monkeys from Generation V with a passion. They were quite prominent. The first gym leader in Pokemon Black & White uses one of them depending on your starter. Some random girl gives you an abandoned monkey because no one in their right mind would want to train one of these ugly shits. It's one of the main partner Pokemon in the Black & White cartoon.


Why do I hate these guys? Well, simply it's because they're just so damned uncreative. Previous elemental trios or duos like the starters or the Eeveelutions or legendary trios at least vary their looks. These are just identical designs just with differently shaped fur... and it's not like we haven't done this concept before either. The Chimchar line is a far, far more well-realized and far cooler fire monkey line than Simisear can ever hope to be. Hell, even Ambipom looks so much better than these three idiots. Simisage is the only one out of the bunch that even looks decent at all, with that weird punk look to him, but Simisear and Simipour are just ugly as sin. Simisear looks like an anvil just dropped on him and he's just recovering it all Looney-Tunes style. And look at him! He just looks derpy and ugly as all hell. Simipour has the worst hairdo in all of anime, needs to find some pants and just looks ugly in general. And the Pans? The Pans are just uncreative, ugly shits.

To top it off, none of these three are even any good in combat. They are just annoying-looking shits with annoying cries, ugly designs and just there to pad out the Unova Pokedex even more... when, really, Unova already has enough good material to work with even without adding these shameful ugly shits into it.

2. Throh & Sawk: Speaking of senseless padding in the Unova Pokedex... man, what are these two ugly shits? Not only are they flagrantly ripping off Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan, which really won't stand out as something necessary for a good Generation to rip off, they also look stupid as hell. Why are their bodies crystalline? Are they rock type? Nope. Why are they randomly wearing karate-judo training outfits? Why do they have these weird black growths on their face? Why do their faces look so ugly? They just look so ugly, with so little thought going into their conception. Oh, hey, let's make a karate and a judo based Pokemon! Nah, no need to really put too much thought into them. Just slap a training suit on, give them different colours and deform them as much as humanly possible. And give them a bunch of random, annoying Fighting moves to make them a pain. Oh, and let's give one of them Sturdy, because it makes so much sense! Hariyama barely made it off the honourable mentions for being ugly, but he's a far better-realized Pokemon based on Judo. And the names? Ugh. Pokemon likes its puns, but 'Throh' and 'Sawk' really hit the bottom of the barrel. I honestly groan and hate these things every single time they show up, and I honestly would rather these two fade off into obscurity and never be used ever again.


1. Bouffalant: My least favourite Pokemon is also from Generation V, which really makes me look like I am just dripping hatred for the generation. I'm not! I love Generation V. It had some of the best and most creative Pokemon designs out there, and I can wax lyrical about how a lot of Pokemon in Generation V finally found a nice balance between complexity and simplicity. But in-between all the Pokemon of Generation V there is this big pile of bull shit. Bouffalant is a rare Normal-type Pokemon based on a bull (buffalo, bull, whatever) that hits like a gigantic truck and is rare to find. GUESS WHAT? We had Tauros. Tauros was not the most creative of Pokemon, being a glorified rampaging bull with three tails and a bunch of extra dots on its head, but Bouffalant? Look at this utterly ugly piece of shit! Who thinks about putting an afro on a cow and go 'hmm, yeah, that's like, the coolest thing ever!' And those stupid rings on its horns, what the hell? Tauros was already uncreative enough by slapping two extra tails, but Bouffalant slaps on an afro and calls it a day. It looks stupid, it really looks like an April's Fools Joke, and... and it still hits like a truck! A stupid-looking truck.

Bouffalant is one of the signature Pokemon of Generation V's true champion, Alder... but honestly I want to ignore that and just consider Alder's champion as his Volcarona. Or, hell, his Vanniluxe, which is a helluva less ugly than this half-assed design. The fact that, oh, I dunno, he's actually pretty powerful and can wipe out unprepared teams thanks to being a tank of a Normal-type isn't a joke. And being wiped out by the champion's afro-cow is certainly a lot more annoying and irritating than losing to, say, a Dragonite or a Garchomp or a Volcarona or a Gardevoir. Fuck this cow. Fuck it. Fuck every single time I encountered it. He also sometimes shows up in like Wi-Fi battles or whatever and, oh, it's just ugly, it's actually powerful and there's no way in hell I am happy after being beaten by this misbegotten conglomeration of laziness and bad ideas.

...

So, um, yeah. Top ten least favourite Pokemon! I cursed a lot more than I thought I would. (Fuck Bouffalant) Next top ten list will be a lot less curse-y.