Pokemon Sun & Moon: Hairy Dicks and Datamined Leaks

So, the demo version of Pokemon Sun & Moon came out last week, and until now I haven't had time to play it yet... from this month onwards I'll be helluva busy at least till the end of year, so there might be a slight decrease in the amount of content I create regularly. But let me talk a bit about Pokemon!

So a couple of new Pokemon have been released both in the demo and through other promotional material, and with the actual games' release dates being basically a couple of weeks away, a whole lot is being revealed.... and, well, the aforementioned demo got data-mined. And apparently Nintendo left a whole lot of sprites in the demo, but we don't actually get the names, types or any information about these new Pokemon other than what they look like. And that's in addition to a couple of Pokemon that are actually revealed over the week. I'm not posting every picture of the leaks here, just google it and you'll find it. For the interests of those who don't want to be spoiled by the entire leakage, only official Nintendo information will be in this post. My short discussion about the leaks that I glanced through can be viewed after the break -- just click on the 'read more' button.

• So the first new Pokemon we got to see is leaked... from a piece of artwork on the side of a TCG box! That's hilarious. It appears to be some kind of little purple thing hiding behind a huge spiky shell, and it's underwater. It's some kind of cute little sea urchin or anemone Pokemon, and I am all for new water-types. Picture's a bit blurry (and obviously the leaks show her in brighter form) so not really much to say.
• The demo features Alolan Dugtrio as a brief cameo. No idea if he gets new typing, but he gets... hair. Blonde hair on all three of his dick-heads. Yyyyyyeaaah. There are hilarious, insane-looking Alolan forms like Exeggutor and Muk. Hairy Dugtrio is just kind of dumb. It's funny, of course, but at the same time the resources (and 'slot') spent to making Alolan Dugtrio could've been done to make better Alolan forms. Like, for example...
• Alolan Persian, who beats Dugtrio as officially the ugliest, yuckiest Alolan form we've seen. Alolan Meowth is this sassy-looking gloriously-douchebag-looking cat that is a great variation on Meowth's original look. Alolan Persian? He's not as bad as something like Purugly, but that face. That face looks like a disgusting balloon that's all inflamed and puffy and shit. He looks freaking ugly, and while I'm very staunchly not a cat person, I know what cool cats are supposed to look like. Purrloin, Torracat, normal Persian... Alolan Persian just looks deformed and one of those designs that legitimately looks like it's drawn by a five-year-old. 

I don't know if I've talked about Ash Greninja being in the game already or not. On one hand, the shuriken on his back is cool. On the other hand... it's, y'know, Greninja with Ash features. Really would've loved it more if it was just a more regular Mega Evolution with the Ash features snuck in, or simply, y'know, not having it blatantly be called 'ASH Greninja, especially when the whole concept of Ash-Greninja's Battle Bond ability is how it's close to the trainer... who is Ash, who gave Greninja away to the player character? Huh wha? Also why isn't it a mega evolution? Why call it such a fancy-ass name? I don't get it. I don't hate it, but I definitely don't like it.

Okay, that's about it. Let's talk about the leaks, after the break.

Alolan forms first, okay? Because we know what we're getting into with these variations of familiar Pokemon. The leaks may or may not be the final, completed Alolan Pokedex, or it might just be part of it, or it might even be fake, but apparently the only Alolan forms are from Generation One. And honestly, I love Generation One. I really, really, do. I grew up with the original 151, and I freaked out alongside everyone else when Mega Evolution was announced for the Generation One starters. And honestly, yeah, the first generation might bring in a lot more nostalgia... but that also doesn't mean that Nintendo should cater exclusively to Generation One as far as like Alolan forms or Mega Evolutions or whatever go. I wouldn't even mind if we got some token representation of Alola forms of some Pokemon from Generations two through five (if six is too new, and we still got the new Zygarde forms and Ash Greninja). 

-ahem-

Rant over, for now. It appears that Nintendo is actually okay with these leaks, because no C&D has appeared on any of the Youtube videos when they have been insanely active on anything that remotely just uses footage form trailers without editing. So... yeah.

Leaked forms, anyway!

• Alolan Dugtrio was revealed for real, and I talked about him above, but Alolan Diglett tagged along. He's got three strands of hair, making it a bit of a less extreme transformation compared to literally every single other Alolan form ever.
• Alolan Geodude, Graveler and Golem: They have a grayer colour scheme, and mostly Geodude and Graveler just have additional hair-like black rock features. Golem straight-up gets a stereotypical old Japanese man beard and mustache, and like these gigantic, chunky magnet-esque pincers on his back. And his hands have shrunk into his body. It's... a weird design, that's for sure. Not my favourite Alolan forms, but I don't hate them either. As for typing... Rock/Steel or Ground/Steel seems obvious. 
• Hat Pikachu: Some nonsense alternate forms? It's a lot more subtle than the stupid cosplay Pikachu from Generation VI, that's for sure. Poor Raichu can't catch a break, can he? The same generation he gets a brand-new (and honestly underwhelming) form, Pikachu gets a Z-move and a bunch of new random cosmetic nonsense. 

New Pokemon!

• Rowlet's Final Evolution: Yeah, the Chinese leaks or whatever that I've been dreading for so long are confirmed to be real. I mean, my boy Rowlet doesn't get the worst final evolution design of the bunch. He's this owl-man with a leaf-Robin-Hood mask thing, dorky glasses markings, and apparently will use vine whips to create bows to go all Oliver Queen on the villains who fail Hau'oli City or something like that. He's definitely not a bad design. Also not what I expected cute little bowtie Rowlet to eventually turn into, and maybe not my absolute favourite design, but also not a design I'm overtly disappointed about. Unlike, say...
• Litten's Final Evolution: Oh god, this was the reason why I so didn't want the Chinese leaks to be real. Litten turns from a cute kitten to a cool cat in Torracat... into this randomly bipedal douchebag cat-man with a luchador's belt and stupid-looking stripes. It looks marginally better in 3D model than the very flat-looking sketches, but shit, it looks bad. I don't like to join the hate train for a design, but damn. In addition for the Fire/Fighting potential, which is exhausting at this point, this thing doesn't even look powerful. As much as I don't like Emboar or Chesnaught, those two at least look like they could kick your ass. This thing just looks like an angry thug. I don't know. I just hate this thing. 
• Popplio's Final Evolution: Well, she looks better than Brionne's very awkward-looking design does, anyway. She's this mermaid seal thing, with some jeweled hair and starfish hair ornaments and whatnot... I kinda hoped that they didn't go this overboard with trying to have her look as human as possible with the frills and whatnot, and she certainly isn't my favourite, but she does look amazing when placed next to Litten's final evolution. That said I still wished they went on a different route with her, maybe make her less overburdened with unnecessary details. Maybe she's Water/Fairy? Seems appropriate for a mermaid. I still find her underwhelming, though.

And honestly. A bit of a starter talk here... Nintendo has been consistently been churning out good or at least decent-looking starters throughout all six generations. Sure, sometimes the middle evolutions look like ass (Quilladin, Dewott, Combusken...) but by and by the starters have always been some of the best designs that Pokemon has churned out, with all the final evolutions, if not being outright badasses, at least look semi-decent. Even the weakest designs like Emboar or Chesnaught look at least cool and powerful looking, and Meganium, the only one that outright looks not really that much of a fighter compared to badasses still looks pretty strong. Here? Litten's evolution looks like ass, Popplio's final evolution looks like an overdesigned, way-too-feminine mess, and Rowlet's final evolution is just barely tolerable, and honestly he's just the best out of a weak bunch. And it's not just me being nostalgic and unaccepting of newer Pokemon, because I'm totally against that... but man, this is easily the weakest batch of starters I've seen and honestly it seems like that's the general consensus of a good chunk of the fanbase.

Can I just pick Rockruff as a starter?

• Pikipek's Evolutions: His first-stage evolution is basically a bigger version of himself, with some of the colours swapped around, and it looks, well, pretty cool. The final evolution is a toucan Pokemon, which has a gigantic orange beak -- who cameo'd in one of the shirts shown in the trainer customization in the trailers. A lot of people are in denial, for whatever reason, saying that Pikipek is a two-stage line and the toucan is a standalone, but a combination of the same colour scheme (mainly black and white, with orangey-red highlights) really makes it look like, yeah, Pikipek does turn into the toucan. And anyway, as Wingull/Pelipper have shown, just because they're in a single evolutionary line doesn't mean the base species can't change. Not sure if I like the toucan enough to bring him along as a member of my party, but I've never actually raised a regional bird as a permanent member of my party anyway, so it's nothing new. Toucan Pokemon seems to be... Normal/Flying? Who knows, though. 
• Salandit's Evolution: Salandit becomes bipedal and gains some pink and purple underbelly things, and becomes more humanoid. It's... a bit weird and a bit more seductive-looking than I expected, and combined with Salandit's "able to control all males, including humans' thing it's a bit of an unexpected darker take on the fanservicey Pokemon. If this even counts. Not sure if I like this one.
• Morelull's Evolution: I legit forgot Morelull existed. She evolves from a cute little plant into this fairy fungus person with a gigantic toadstool hat and a very creepy face that just looks unsettling. Still, I like this toadstool better than Amoonguss. 
• Crabrawler's Evolution: Is apparently this... very... weird-looking fat crab dude with furry punching-glove-claws and the weirdest hairstyle that makes Alola!Dugtrio and Gumshoos look cool? I dunno. I'm liking Crabrawler a bit less, and the addition of a lot of white to a design I'm already not very keen on doesn't really make Crabrawler look good. Maaaybe my least favourite Pokemon from Alola based on design alone? He looks kinda icy. Maybe he's Fighting /Ice?
• Wimpod's Evolution: Is absolutely hardcore. He goes from being a simple horseshoe crab to this giant thing with a samurai's lower body, two gigantic crabhammer claws with fingertips that can poke a dude's face off, and tiny little crab pincer things hanging off from his still very insectoid upper body. Yeah, he just looks cool and definitely gives the likes of Kabutops and Armaldo a run for their money as the most metal and insane-looking water bug monster. Yeah, you don't make fun of the wimps is what Pokemon is trying to teach us. Between Magikarp, Feebas and now Wimpod, you just don't wanna mess with these little dudes. They grow up and suddenly they are these gigantic carapace monsters that will fuck you up. Obviously, I really, really, really like this dude. 
• Sea Urchin Dudes: The TCG little sea urchin/anemone dude is apparently the pre-evolution of a far more sea urchin (or crown starfish) Pokemon, whose main body seems to just be dangling in this spiky dome that opens up to reveal the little pixie inside. Water/Fairy, perhaps? Aquatic Pokemon, especially those not based on generic fish, really make me happy. Not sure if these two will be cool enough or if they'll just kind of be underwhelming like poor Babaracle.
• Sea Anchor: It's a sea anchor covered with seaweed with a ship's steering wheel stuck onto it. Combining the two circles on the wheel and the anchor's curving part sorta makes a face if you squint. People'll hate on this, and while it's not as cool as Aegislash or Chandelure, I actually take an immediate liking to this dude. Maybe it's some kind of sea ghost, like Aegislash's crazy sea-faring cousin. Not my favourite design of this generation, that's for sure -- he's got too many things and colours going on with him, but he doesn't deserve the crazy amount of hate he's already getting in the forums. 
• Bubble Spiders: Lots of new water-based Pokemon, yeah? This one looks creepy, and are based on the water spiders that carry air bubbles to dive underwater. The little pre-evo looks cute the way it's clutching the bubble with two legs going :0, but the evolution is very buggy and awesomely creepy-looking, like someone crossbred the scariest spider you can find with a sci-fi spider-based walker. I want one. Holy shit. As for typing... Bug/Water? Poison/Water? Bug/Poison with immunity to water?
• Tapu Family: In addition to Tapu Koko, we get three of his buddies. Which is a given considering that there are four islands and Koko's known to be the guardian of one. They all seem to turn into similar-looking totems, though they open up differently. The purple one opens up like a missile, showing the main figure riding inside. Kinda looks like it's narwhal-based. The pink one is like a cute little doll toy whose top pops up and the little girl with a curly hair just peers out, going "yay friends!" The fourth one is... I've no idea what they're going with it. It's just this weird mass of black, red and yellow that looks like an umbrella and a hammer had sex and created this weird thing. Maybe it's a bad shot from the leak, so I'll give it a chance. Purple looks cool and pink looks cute. They all seem to be part-Fairy as a theme, so maybe they'll copy Ororicio's typings to be exclusive to the islands they're inhabiting? Purple Tapu really looks like she can be water. These are, obviously, going to be legendaries. Otherwise it just doesn't make sense.
• Baby/Pre-Evolutions of Lunala and Solgaleo: Opinions are split due to the lack of information bar their sprites, but apparently Solgaleo and Lunala both have these little orb-shaped forms that are either their pre-evolutions (unlikely considering Nintendo never gave legendaries pre-evos before) or maybe their 'sealed' forms the way Zygare works? I dunno. Cool to see them doing something different with legendaries, though it does seem similar to how Zekrom and Reshiram can be turned into a convenient carrying-sized orb in the story. 
• "Marshadow", who looks like a cuter, blacker version of Castform. She's just this black wispy ball with cute glowing eyes! This is what the community is taken to calling this dude because apparently the name was trademarked in a batch alongside Solgaleo and Lunala, or some shit, and she does look like the 'pixie' Mew-type of the region. I dunno. She looks partially Dark or partially Ghost. If she's Marshadow. For all we know, the toucan's the one that's called Marshadow. 

Also a bunch of new Ultra Beasts, who all look extremely over-designed, seemingly on purpose, and just looks like eldritch mechanical abominations like the D-Reaper from Digimon Frontier and the Heartless from Kingdom Hearts decided to collaborate and create these guys. There's one thing that's just a mass of wires shaped into limbs, a green tower thing with floating pillar arms, a cool-looking giant stomach-jaw crab-claw monster... but mostly I just didn't really pay much attention to the Ultra Beasts to be honest. We'll see. They look awesomely eldritch and it's nice to have eldritch monsters that aren't just Cthulhu Junior, and I'm just trying not to spoil myself too much so there'll be some element of surprise when I play the game.

So obviously I'm more than a little disappointed about the starters' final evolutions and some of the Alolan forms (Dugtrio and Persian, in particular, and to a lesser extent Raichu and Raticate -- I did find Exeggutor hilarious and Muk surprisingly okay, though). Bit surprised that Komala, Minior and Pyukumuku don't get evolutions... Komala in particular just screams as a design that should evolve. I dunno. Maybe they'll surprise us down the road? I'm a bit more on a 50/50 split in this generation compared to generation VI. Generation VI was more consistently good, but very little that really stood out and grabbed my attention other than a couple select ones. For Generation VII, though, there's a far more drastic split where the cool designs are really cool (Buff!Wimpod, BubbleSpider, Salandit, Mimikyu, Lycanrock, Vikavolt) but the shit designs are really irritatingly annoying (Bruxish, Gumshoos, Drampa, YetiCrab, RathLitten, SirenPopplio...). I dunno. I feel like I'm being a bit too negative on this, but this are my opinions on the matter.